the neighborhood bully....

The name was familiar to her ears. Noooooo, could not be! The name took her back to her elementary school days. She lived with her parents and her brothers in a trailer park. There was an upper level and a lower level. The neighborhood bully lived down on the lower level.

She remembers him back to her to kindergarden years. He was always picking on the neighborhood kids. She must have felt that because they were in the same grade that maybe she should be able to stand up to him. And maybe this is the reason he found that she made a good target.

It was a sunny day in the neighborhood and the big yellow school bus was to drop off the trailer park kids. The bully had threaten her or maybe it was her brother. Made no difference she was the oldest and she would do what was necessary to protect her own flesh and blood. She had ushered her brother to the front of the bus and asked if the bus driver would detain the bully until she could make it home. The bus driver refused.

It is a good thing she lives on the upper level. A plan was forming in that mind of hers. As soon as her brother's feet hit the pavement, she yelled run. Then she ran screaming bloody murder for her mother as she swung her clarinet case all around in attempt to scare the bully. *what a sight that must have been*

Her mother came out to see what the commotion was about. Can you believe it? The bully was right on their heals. The mother told the bully to go pick on someone his own size. He said he was! The girl might have been the same age but she was quite a bit smaller than him.

Those days would have seemed like so long ago. Yet how quickly that name takes her back as it did the day she heard it again at her new place of work. Nah, he isn't one in the same. This guy looks different. So she went on about her business. Then this guys daughter came to work. After some chatter she soon realized the guy was the ol neighborhood bully.

Amazing to see the bully in a whole new light. Age give her wisdom and grace to see what life could chip away. The neighborhood bully had changed into a very fun loving and doting father. He was still married to and in love with his childhood sweet heart and had a very beautiful (inside and out) daughter who had a wisdom above her years about her.

Amazing to have that the ex-bully come to her and compliment her on the deeply thought out and hand-crafted graduation gift she gave his daughter. It was a moment for her to hold and cherish. She couldn't wait to touch her feet to the ground and run home to call her mom. This time was there was no screaming but soft gratitude and amazement .....

just like heaven...

Love this movie. Would rate it a high 10 and a miss clean award! No, I do not think it is like "Ghost" like the reviews would say. Rather it seems to be more like "Return to Me."

Sure it is a simple love story but it is more about living and loving life. Two lost souls in a walking death find each other. One who was consumed in work the other consumed with loss but both out of step with living. In their numbness they begin to connect with each other. They begin life anew when they fight back against giving up and disconnecting.

In this movie pay attention to meaning of connections. Pay attention to the garden. Notice the circle spiral in both. Every event and every person in our lives is here for a reason. If we don't meet up at one time, we will meet in another. It is meant to be. The message? Pay attention to all the connections in your own life and savor!.

a movie review: must love dogs

bowl of honey...

God has truly blessed me and given me a sweet life. But I have allowed myself to feast on the bitter fruit that life offers instead of the bowl of honey sitting right in front of me. ~~ randi

Ahh, love this image. We move so fast through this life often in disconnect. Being Still is an action. It is connecting with all the moments. Enjoying and Learning.

'to ignore' a good thing?

"The greatest human desire is attention," he said as made his first introduction with her. He was dashing and had a brain to boot. This was the first day. Many days later though he was gone and she was wondering what is this? Oh, but many more days later he was back. She was expected to pick up where they left off.

"Attention is constant not whenever you feel like it," she said as he explained this is just how he is. Hmmmm, not so said her soul. She kept up because she is a hard worker on her relationships. Then days go by he is gone. Then back. Nothing she said was working.

"Where are you?," he said when he came back to nothing. He kept trying but only a few days. She was hiding still and quiet. She was there hearing every word. She said everything she could but he had not heard her. So she turned it around and disconnected to lose him forever.

"Very sad that to ignore someone is a good thing," she says as she walks away without the chains holding her down.

a little fire ... a little quiet....

She is this wierd mix of fire and quiet. There were the years where she was banished to her bicycle and her books for companionship. She felt a kinship to Anne of Green Gables. Anne loved her books and her imagination. She drank up Anne's dramatic antics feeling those feelings inside but never able to live it.

There were the years where she just tried to survive as a wallflower. She didn't want other teenagers to look at her and see the clothes that did not fit. When her parents went to parent teacher conferences, the teachers could not remember their daughter. "Oh, she must not be a problem then," was the comment her parents brought home. Not great news when even her teachers couldn't remember her. Oh, if she had the nerve, she should have introduced herself to the teacher! No, she was quiet because she was taught respect.

There were the years she studies up the on self. Wondering why she was such a wierd person that no one really saw the depth of her heart. Amazing that she did not pick up some habit to fill this void. She probably could credit the fire that is always brewing inside keeping her breathing and alive.

There were the years where she finds her ears ringing when she goes home after a family gathering. Everyone chattering on about news of everyday happenings, yet no one heard a peep from her. Some extended family members would make a remark about her futher excluding her. Oh, if she had the nerve, she might just have twisted the comment back to hurt them. No, she was quiet she was taught to honor her elders.

There were the years where she is trying to find her place as a woman. Is she beautiful enough? Will someone ever love her fire? Will someone ever acknowledge her passions and dreams? Will she be enough to love? Will someone ever see how amazing smart she is and not run from it? Will anyone know she how hard she loves? Will she succeed in her dream being heard?

Through out all the years she just wanted enough attention but she was given disregard. She has struggled with knowing how to live this wild mix of fire and quiet. She still has the fire and she has learned the worth of her quiet nature. Yet, she still struggles....

life reality...

Even before she can strap in the similiator begins. All kinds of flashing lights and blaring sounds churn and pitch around her. Blazing red and orange hit her like a hot searing fire. She felt anger rip at her flesh. A tense panic began to juice up her heart. Yelling hammered her ears. A fight plan was sent out to her limbs. Her blood began to turn in to fizzing acid. She took a step back and gulp slowly in a moment. She had to stop the madness. How quick the stimuli had inflamed her into anger. Her time would run out if she didn't choose now how to respond. A cup of cool water. Blue pooled and soothed the landscape before her. The heat transformed into a soft breeze.

Even before she could take in what had happened, a booming clap of thunder snatched her heartbeat from her. Jolted into the next round, she felt icy razor sharp raindrops pelt her skin. Grey puffy clouds packed and bump into each other. A deep pain of sorrow pulled her mind and soul down into a inky void. Heavy tears ran down her face as she hugged herself feeling soo disconsolate and alone. This wasn't working. If this gloom took over her, she would be no more. Releasing her grip, she held out her arms. To her surprise her arms bumped into another human being. As she wrapped her arms around this human. The grey mist began to left. The sharing of tears gave way to soft smiles and brilliant blue skies.

Even before she could whisper a gratitude, a howling wind whipped wet dead leaves of naked black trees. The ground was blacken mush and the dusky air was hollow. An eerie durge was playing. The casket weighted down the backs of the pallbearers. Death was too heavy for her and she began to beat her chest. 'Noooooooo' shattered the screen before her like a cracking mirror. The yellow sun rose from the edge of night. She found herself bathed in light. All around her was flowers all dressed in their colorful elegant party dresses. She picked as many as she could so she could give away likes smiles....

Then the similiator came to a complete stop. She stumbled out. Her next test was to journal what she had learnt. Her thoughts began to cover the page. She could learn all about right and wrong. She could make her standards and establish her core values, but it was not worth much if she could not take ownership of the situation. It was all about her behavior. She could react to the forces around her and watch her world destruct or she could break the bad cycles and give out good.

What you receive, you give.
What you give, you receive.

what is the "Fear of the Lord"?...

"He will be the Sure Foundation for your times,
a Rich Store of Salvation & Wisdom & Knowledge;
the Fear of the Lord is the Key to this Treasure."
Isa 33:6
'Fear of the Lord' leaves us quite mystified. When God is all about love and acceptance , how can fear be apart of a Loving God?

Be truthful. Isn't Love risky? Isn't Love sacrificial action? Doesn't Love give you a bit of fear? Yes, because we have to trust.

'My times' has a lot of accusations being thrown about .... My major grief is behavior. How do I behave in troubled times as these? How do I behave when other's have let their behavior splatter much like a speeding car over a mud puddle?

I know what fear does to me. When shouting, pointing of fingers, and anger swirl around me, the insides of me melt away and there I am with no where to run, red faced, and a total shaky mess.

Titus 3:2 "... to slander no one, to be peaceable, to be full of courtesy, to walk humbly..." This is the hard work of love and fear.
Who better to trust God?

"You cannot be with a Strong God without receiving strenth. God is always a Transforming God. Fellowship with Him changes our likeness until we become more like Him."
~C.H. Spurgeon

" ... in Christ I can be bold
robbing God : : : wonderfully made ... : : : behavior ...
... fear --> love --> risk --> sacrificial action -->

Spurgeon: pure jealous love

a little history...

Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.
~ emme lazsrus
These words are found on the foundation of the Statue of Liberty. Words woven in the fabric of America. I take great pride in these words because I am a dreamer. To dream you need a safe place to nourish your imagination and to take flight. America has been a refuge to many people through the ages.

America now has her own huddled masses, homeless and tempest-tost. These are her refugees. Their homes, what they did for a living, loved ones and pets are broken. Their dreams are gone.

Miss Liberty has turned to face her mighty Mississippi & Gulf shores. There are tears streaming down her face as she whispers a prayer. When she opens her eyes, she sees the masses with lamps of hope held high and arms open wide. A sea of humanity holding each other together. This is her people of the United States. She is proud.

Once again pioneers renewed will dream big dreams. The will make their first steps again here on homeland shores. They will soar again like wings of the eagle.

refuge and refugee come from the latin language.
re = back ; fugere = to flee

... Oh, to be a reflection of God the Great Refuge

Refuge & refugee

Refuge = shelter from dangerasylum, sanctuary, hideout, hideaway, safe harbor, any port in a storm, last resort, support, anchor(age), home, hospital, retreat.

refugee = one who flees for safety; person taking refuge from war, persecution, or natural disaster
misplaced person, evacuee, escapee, runaway, displaced person

Psa 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Dear Almighty God,
I am blessed to find you a Refuge and Strength. I am gladly a refugee. You are my Sanctuary and First Resort. Without you I would not know True Strength when I am so helpless. I find Safe Harbor in your Everlasting Arms. You heal my gaping wounds and dry my tears. I am not of this world and I feel the pain acutely; however, I know I have a Place prepared for me. Everywhere I look I see waste and distruction. I feel the sucking away of my soul. Yet, Your Beauty and Your Joy keep me strong. You are my Anchor. You love me with Unconditional and Sacrificial Love. You have romanced my heart. I am so grateful from the bottom of my heart.
~~your beloved little girl

: : : Refuge : : :

a pale raspberry to eat...

"No, it isn't ripe."

"Oh yes, these are golden raspberries."

The taste is more crisp and very delightful. They are first a pale green. When they are ripe, they turn a pale yellow. If not gobbled in at the first hint of the golden stage, they blush.

Big black hairy bumblebees love these bushes for the sweet nectar so make sure you pinch off the berry and not a bumblebee's bum!

pointing fingers...

* more vs. less
* owership vs. victim
* better vs. bitter

What are we teaching the kids and teenagers, when grown adults are pointing fingers. We all know the old saying about pointing. Any kid could tell you.

Our children need to know how to take ownership. Isn't freedom about being more? Everyone in the world has heard of the American Dream. Their are poor children who dream of coming here. The Dream is about making a better life. It can start anywhere. The mental first step is "I am going to live my dream." Some come here but they had to start there in their own country.

Challenges need to be met with the same determination as following your dream. Even when all thing lay in ruin, you pick up the pieces and if you have to you dream a bigger dream. Overcome and be more than what you were. Just taking ownership changes you. Give up the ashes and wash your hands. Be ready for God's beauty.

If our children could see adults modeling ownership of their dreams as well as their challenges, what a huge gift we would give our future generations.

My Anchor Holds...

Though the angry surges roll
On my tempest driven soul,
I am peaceful, for I know,
Wildly though the winds may blow,
I've an anchor safe and sure,
That can evermore endure.

Mighty tides about me sweep,
Perils lurk within the deep,
Angry clouds o'ershade the sky,
And the tempest rises high;
Still I stand the tempest's shock,
For my anchor grips the Rock.

I can feel the anchor fast
As I meet each sudden blast,
And the cable, thought unseen,
Bears the heavy strain between;
Through the storm I safely ride,
Till the turning of the tide.

Troubles almost 'whelm the soul;
Griefs like billows o'er me roll;
Tempters seek to lure astray;
Storms obscure the light of day;
But in Christ I can be bold,
I've an anchor that shall hold.

chorus:
And it holds, my anchor holds;
Blow your wildest, then, O gale,
On my bark so small and frail;
By His Grace I shall not fail,
For my anchor holds, my anchor holds.
by Daniel Townes 1930

This is were I want to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
At Rest......

to wait

positive action absolutes...

"The darkest moment is your most sacred
... holds you greatest potential."

"What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters
compared to what lies within us." ~ ralph waldo emerson

^{My personal epiphany:}
Positive Approach
Positive Answers
Positive Decisions
Positive Game Plan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
= Positive Action

Positive Magic = Appreciation, Value, & Worth
Positive Force = Faith

Key to Survival = Claim Victory no matter how small

Move to what you can control.

"Do what you can with what you have where you are." - Teddy R.

What you recieve, you give. What you give, you get back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* 100% communication = 7% verbal + 93% action
* humans fail by not acting
* BELIEF is what you become
* Dwell in Possibility
* Value = you will move heaven & earth ... if it or someone is important enough to you

at morning's Light...

She sits on her favorite rock overlooking the eastern horizon. She comes from her bed of nightmares. With a cuppa warming her hands she snuggles with blankets. She is waiting for the sun to rise. She wants to bathe in the warmth. Her soul skips a beat as she feels golden rays peek and tease her over the horizen. There at the moment of the glorious reveal, she feels kissed by her God.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full into His Wonderful Face
and the things of earth will fade away
in the Light of His Glory and Grace"

"Arise, shine, for your Light has come and the Glory of the LORD rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the LORD rises upon you and His Glory appears over you." Isaiah 60:1-2

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day."
Proverbs 4:18

ty Lovely!!!

prayer triumphs and requests from Hurricane Katrina's wake

I hold these Truths...

* negative attitude = rejection of Faith!
This hit me to the quick! I have lived in melancholy for many years and it lurks in many of my corners still today. I was ashamed as this new truth haunted me. Negative attitude has everything to do with complaining, whining, fighting, slandering, doubt, and worry. If I let these dark and ugly things fester in my heart, there is no room for God to work. There is no love, no joy, no goodness, and no faith.

My next step was to dwell in possibility. Every time I doubted .... I switched to dwelling in possibility. Why not? was a question I explored possible dreams and filled out my life with them.

* joy is the stuff of strength
neh 8:10 "The Joy of the Lord is my Strength." Quite simply declare His attributes

* passion is the stuff of love
Love is purely action and sacrificial. Love is listening and caring for another's welfare. Love is loving your dreams and passions into life. Love is loving yourself and knowing you have a purpose to live and give here and now.

* compassion is the stuff of life
Life is growth and beauty. Life is fragile and yet resilient. Life is like a seeing someone burst into a simple smile. Life is the opposite of death. I want to always error on the side of life. I am overjoyed by seeing the triumph of the human spirit.

* don't waste beauty
Create. Give. Work hard. Sing. Dance. Play.

* move to what you can control
Be thankful. Affirm. Appreciate. Enjoy every monent. Delight & Savor. Claim Victory. Declare His attributes. Celebrate because you do have a wonderful life.

ownership...

Dear Almighty God,
I am an angry right now. I see a modern day version of ''the lord of the flies'' playing out before my eyes. I am sick. The behavior is so desperate and so sub-human. I know the loss is so crushing. I cannot believe what I am seeing. I am overwhelmed.

You are 'The Creator' so You are just the Master at Creativity. My mind can't stop. I have poured over an atlas to 'see' the cities that I have never visited. I have paced around my livingroom with a ideas of how to lead these people out. I have see human chains coming down from the north spredding like a web. I see a new modern day 'Railroad' taking shape as these chains come and start moving people to towns and to the next. I see a hurd of helicopters approaching the south. If they aren't built to rescue, they go in and drop food and water. etc God, maybe I have some silly notions but that is how I would like to help. For now I will help the way I know I can. Those silly notions though will not lay still. You created my mind and stuffed it with an imagination. If I own it, You will honor it. Thank You for romancing me in creativity.

I am so grateful to have fully come to terms with what life is all about. I use to think it was something to solve. How delightfully wrong I was. Thank you for my life right now in times that are unsure. I am no longer a victim but a warrior princess ready to love my world, to spread beauty, and to encourage life full and overflowing. I will take ownership ... unleashing my simple, intense, lovely, passionate, intimate, compassionate, sacrificial, raw, untamed faith.

You are Light and I am a borrowed ray. I dip into Your overflowing Well of Mercy and Compassion.
~~~~ always Your little girl

"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it."
"If you can dream it, you can become it."

at morning's light

our richest resource...

What 'fuel' would truly make a human or a country rich? What 'fuel' would we be able to use to survive any horror? What 'fuel' is friendly to the enviroment? What 'fuel' do we have right here in our own back yard without depending on anyone else or country? What 'fuel' gives back to you instead of running you dry?

No way is it oil. Nope not natural gas. Nahhh not even the hydrogen. Not even corn which by the way my state would love that!

CREATIVITY Yes, you heard me.

America was built on being innovative. They invented things that we take for granted all over the world. Acting on their imaginations they changed their way of life and all the lives to come after. Let's prove to our forefathers our grit. Let's get back to our grassroots. Let's change our world.

What depleats this great resource? The media, politics, big business and our own selves for allowing them to infect our minds with chaos. All I hear on the war front is the death toll. Every few of the good stories of how we are giving Iraqies a chance to change their lives. I know those stories are there and are begging to be told. When I hear just one glimmer of hope, I spred it like wildfire.

Media is a blantent offender. They predict gas prices will be $3 gal by the end of summer. Sure enough it is. Only because they have created panic in us. Now they are predicting $5 gal by the end of the year. Stop the insanity! Why do we give into this? Make a change! Where are our scientists? Or even some person just tinkering around? We need creativity desperately!

What is going on with the chaos of the hurricane makes me sick! I again am going to pick on the media. I know that the living conditions are horrid and I do not make light of that. The media is our eye and they show negative report after another. I know they help a little. But in the big scheme of things they have resources like helicopters, satalite phones, cameras, huge audience and big owners. I would like to see them at least make food drops on those rooftops where there are citizens. I would like to see them use their satalite phones more allowing these poor people to get messages to their loved ones. I would like to see them make video messages to send to authorities about the needs or messages to loved ones. The media needs to get with it and use their creativity to help where they never thought they could. I would forgo days of no news if the media would rock my world with their help.

Politics have caused gridlock among the agencies and among the citizens. Look at capitol hill. Nothing is getting done besides more laws and infighting. Creativity is our freedom but you would not know it.

I am just sick because we have not learned from our history or even our movies. Those action /world destruction movies have a lot of good human spirit in them. We love to see that we can be heros in chaos but when it meets us what do we do? Become sub-human.

Hard words but needed. It is time to hear the call to get creative. Let's change our world now.

katrina's gray skies...

The dull gray clouds settled in my day to match the mood of my heart....

A man in a daze holding on to his children walking aimlessly. His house split and he held his wife's hand as long as he could. She told him look after and take care of the children and the grandchildren. He doesn't know where she went. When asked where he was going, he said "I'm lost.... I don't know ... I'm lost."

Please hold on ... Please. To give is truly an American thing to do. We are coming. Let us hold you. Let us cry with you. Let us rebuild together. Let us declare victory over the little things ..... We will over come together.

At the New Orleans Dome a man who was playing dominos on the second floor simply got up shouted to those below to move out of the way. He then went over the side to his death.

Makes your heart stop..... Please hold on ... you are not alone. We will come....

What will break a man:
Just this weekend I heard David Ramsy, a financial speaker, say that the top reason for male suicide is money! A male is built for work. He tends to eat, think, and sleep work. What he does with his hands defines who he is. Take away his work and all the things he has provided for his wife and kids, you have a dead man walking. Men provide. Men are proud. They do not like to ask for help.

What will break a woman:
Plain and simple .. take away her kids. (Taking away her husband can break a woman only if she is totally head over heels in love with him.) A woman is the bearer of life and that bond that she developed with her children never seem to die off. One thing in favor of woman is that she is built for hardship. She knows how to survive loss much better than her counterpart only maybe because she is not tooooo proud to ask for help.

My heart is very troubled for the men. I think the best approach for the men that have not yet reached their breaking point is to find something for their hands to do. It does not matter how small it may seem at the time. Every moment counts now. For those men that have reached their breaking point it comes down to other men coming along side them and giving them work to do. Together we can over come.

My heart feels pretty confident with the women. They are adaptable and resilient. But we women need to do something. We do not like to be left out. For all women it is our job to bring beauty back into the world. It nourish us as well as our families. We like to celebrate. Let us celebrate each day and each triumph.

"Every crisis has a gift for you in its hand" - ancient proverb

Thank You, God, for creating a job for men and for women in the life you gave us. Even in crisis life is still an adventure to life to the fullest. And in crisis there is a lot of mystery we wait for you to reveal to us. Thank You for Your Strength and Compassion .... from this well I find my strength and compassion....

"The mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My Compassion shall not depart from thee, neither shall the convenant of My Peace be removed," saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee. - Isa 54:10

Storm Calmer part one
Storm Calmer part two

say it like it is...

There is a dormant list tacked on her refrigerator door. It is on sterdy red paper written nicely meant to hold a place in a book. She put it there at eye level hoping the words would hold a place in her heart. The list goes like this:

Celebrate life.
Keep it simple.
Laugh out loud.
Cherish friendships.
Say it like it is.
Make people smile.

Celebrate life, laughing out loud, and making people smile were the lessons she got and totally enjoyed. Not easy but they have given her a lot of satisfaction.

Keep it simple is a tough go because her mind goes a mile a minute in all kinds of directions. So it is a work in process.

To think she thought cherishing friendship would be her most easy task, has a been her nightmare. Scraping this notion gave her the eyes to see that cherishing family should be her start.

Now comes 'say it like it is'. This does not sit well with her. Like today for instance there is a woman that she works with that is plain out rude. She has been fighting an internal battle at being nice. She tries every day to not slander and to be peaceable. So how does she be nice and say it like it is that "hey, this type of talk is the problem......"

clouds after the storm...

Looking to the southern skies I saw the outer reaches of Lady Katrina's clouds tonight. She is quiet here yet her look is strong. Even though her fury is spent, her tears are predicted to flood hard in many places. Tomorrow will tell if she will rain down on me. But tonight we had a silent meeting.

The 'pinking hour' broke through my window and I came to watch her clouds. Dark blue was the tops with pink slashes underneath. Moments tick by as I was mesmerized by the beauty and the calm. I knew her Master. Today as I waited to hear of the Lady Kat's passing, I felt the Master flex His Everlasting Arms .....

Thank You, Master Creator and Calmer. You again romanced me with Your Strength and Beauty.

Storm Calmer part one
Storm Calmer part three

storms & the Storm-Calmer...

Storms are angry and violent, powerful and distructive. When we look out and see the force, our hearts well up in fear. Questions beat us up. Whether it is a hurricane or a new kidney the body is rejecting, we look for a sure place.

"Sometimes He calms the storm
And sometimes He holds His child and let the winds and waves go wild."
don't close your heart to Him .. His Joy seeketh you through the pain

Storm Calmer part two
Storm Calmer part three

Hesed...

I found a new word to enjoy. Hesed (hebrew) means 'unfailing love' ... a promise keeping love. No matter what you are not alone. I, the Ancient of Days, am here with you. "Hang onto My Hand.... I know what lies ahead in your journey and I will walk with you ..."(deut 31:8)
mizpah

what if i loved myself...?

What would happen if I decided to be my own best friend...
to lavish myself with attention,
to give myself the benefit of the doubt,
to cheer myself on with utmost attention?

My pitcher would be full and overflowing to lavish my love to those loved ones I cherish. I would be happier and lighter. My world still would try to crush me, but my joy has proven to be quite strong and resilient. Nurished from within I am more able to delight in the beauty and discoveries of nature. ...a satisfying relief in this sweltering earth.

a pure jealous love....

Spurgeon's Morning Devotions Morning, August 26
"God is jealous." - Nahum 1:2

Your Lord is very jealous of your love, O believer. Did He choose you? He cannot bear that you should choose another. Did He buy you with His own blood? He cannot endure that you should think that you are your own, or that you belong to this world.

He loved you with such a love that He would not stop in Heaven without you; He would sooner die than you should perish, and He cannot endure that anything should stand between your heart's love and Himself. He is very jealous of your trust. He will not permit you to trust in an arm of flesh.

He cannot bear that you should hew out broken cisterns, when the overflowing fountain is always free to you. When we lean upon Him, He is glad, but when we transfer our dependence to another, when we rely upon our own wisdom, or the wisdom of a friend-worst of all, when we trust in any works of our own, He is displeased, and will chasten us that He may bring us to Himself. He is also very jealous of our company.

There should be no one with whom we converse so much as with Jesus. To abide in Him only, this is true love; but to commune with the world, to find sufficient solace in our carnal comforts, to prefer even the society of our fellow Christians to secret intercourse with Him, this is grievous to our jealous Lord. He would fain have us abide in him, and enjoy constant fellowship with Himself; and many of the trials which He sends us are for the purpose of weaning our hearts from the creature, and fixing them more closely upon Himself. Let this jealousy which would keep us near to Christ be also a comfort to us, for if he loves us so much as to care thus about our love we may be sure that He will suffer nothing to harm us, and will protect us from all our enemies. Oh, that we may have grace this day to keep our hearts in sacred chastity for our Beloved alone, with sacred jealousy shutting our eyes to all the fascinations of the world!

Another dear picture of how God choose to have a marriage relationship with us. When I get weary in the heat of the battle, I sure have a place to hide and to fill up on His love. To love like that and to be love .... beautiful....

Spurgeon: monster unbelief

his absolutes...

1. you must be a safe place for me ... everyday
2. you must support me as a ... team
3. you must get me
4. you must enjoy my stength .. physical and inside strength
5. i must have no doubt that you will find me if i would ever fall off the edge of the world

No, not asking a lot am I? But if you can support me as I go conquer my world, then you know the entrance into my inner sanctum!

This is a male voice. He is sorta stuck between going out there to conquer. He likes that freedom yet if he can also fight for his girl, he is a better man. He sometimes forget to lean into her support. He is the pursuer and it is not a good place for a female to pursue him. (She will not know where his heart is.) If he can feel that she values him and what he does with his hands, strength wells up from his heart. He is amazed at her openness to him. He feels like the luckiest guy. This inspires him to work on the marriage.

hers...

her absolutes...

1. you must fight for me ... everyday
2. you must work with me as a ... team
3. you must speak my language
4. you must enjoy my beauty .. inside beauty
5. i must have no doubt that you will find me if i would ever fall off the edge of the world

No, not asking a lot am I? But if I expect this much from myself in my world, then you should know what it will take to gain entrance into my inner sanctum!

This is a female voice. Crying out to matter to someone. Not to be invisible to or alone with someone. Wanting to be loved for her mind, for her heart, and for her faith. Marriage is a team of two working and playing together. A safe place to be and a place to grow ... but to grow together as well. This female voice wants to love her man and she will if given the opportunity to be a teammate.... watch out she will love fiercely and passionately. She is not afraid of the work in fact she will work hard at the marriage every day ... every moment.....

his...

wonderfully made...

The Awesome Creator formed each of us and has wrapped up our unique passions, personality, and our one-of-a-kind purpose and tucked them into our hearts all designed to be unpackaged on our life journeys. These journeys are also crafted by God. So brilliant the design that as we unwrap our hearts, our passions and our purpose fuels a highly meaningful life. We live fully.

Lean in listen to His Still Firm Voice:
Dear Beloved,
How about off-roading your life with Me? Get dirty in My Holy Mud. It is a sacred learning adventure that is full of excitement and risk. I have mysteries to unfold for your deep intimate communion with Me. I love you. Your life is made for meaning. Seize Me. Give your R.S.V.P. Follow My Heart because I have already gone ahead. I know what is in store for you. Take My Hand I will go with you on this Adventure called Your Wonderful Life...
- Always Love Your Barbaric Warrior and Your Beautiful Almighty God.

Unleash your simple, intense, lovely, compassionate, passionate, intimate, sacrificial, raw, untamed faith.

persistent genuine love...

--like the dripping of water on a rock--can wear away a person's resistance.  It's nearly impossible to stay angry with or emotionally distant from someone who unconditionally loves and values you. - "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary and Norma Smalley

God persistently loves us through the ages and He never gets weary. How many times has He cried at our resistance? Oceans full would be my guess. I get so tired as I try to love... especially when it seems to make no difference. But I believe in love and the power in it. ... soft & sure like a rain drop ...

Genuine love doesn't necessarily spring from feelings.  Its basis is primarily a concern for the welfare of another. Although the feelings of affection will follow, genuine love is initially an action directed toward fulfilling another person's needs. - From "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary and Norma Smalley

Love gets a bad rap when it is associated with feelings. Rather Love is an action. Love shown tells you how much you are of value. God demostrated His love because He cares for our welfare. He wants us to live a full life.

stirred vs. stilled

He wants his heart to be stirred by her. She is his life. She is like breathing in fresh air. She is movement graceful and beautiful. She is fluid gentle and soft. She is energy sizzling.

She wants her heart to be stilled by him. He is her piller. He is like exhaling after a violent storm. He is calm in strength. He is fiercely protective with a hand on the small of her back. He is a rock solid.

ny vs midwest ... a conversation

"Hello!" In the background was of cars honking. He was calling again from his commute home at 7:30PM. He made his journey from NY to NJ every day yet he would always make a wrong turn somewhere along the way. Forget maps he couldn't read them.

"Hello back." She had already been home for a couple hours even though she live a time zone west of him. She was making her own background noice of washing dishes and cleaning up her kitchen.

"Long time no hear." Work was his main priority. He was always consumed by making a good impression on his projects or from a deep melancholy from being looked over by the higher ups. Either way he was most unreachable pretty much all the time.

"Yes, has been a long time." She was a very stable person. Everyone could count on her for her study work attendance. It is evident in her personal life as well. She never slacked on her relationships. So much so her heart would kick up a bit angered for being taken for granted.

At this time the conversation would be about the weather, each other's work life, and the family. Blah, Blah, Blah. Then he would get frustrated.

"The conversation never picks up where we left off. We are always having the same conversation over and over again ... on and on about the weather," he would spout out.

This would tick her off. He is silent months on end and thinks she can just carry on like usual.

"Each day is new and holds for me something exciting and precious. I love that about life, but I just don't share all my treasures with strangers!" she would patiently say.

"Why can't you stay the same. You are always changing," his voice slow with intensity.

At this time she would roll her eyes and hope his cell phone would break up their miserable conversation. It was not lost on her that he from a fast paced life in NY would say in every conversation about change. In fact she hated the word change. To her change meant houses and cornfields where taken out to make room for the monster highway. To her change meant big biz coming in to take out little family shops. He missed the mark anyway. She didn't change rather she grew everyday.

Growth is very important to her. Each day is a mystery with something for her to unwrap and enjoy. She was not into changing herself. That was of the days of her youth when she did not know any better. Today it is about moving from strength to strength. She loves to ask questions because she thirsts for knowledge. She likes to learn and discover new stuff. Life is never dull and God is never silent like some people say. So for a midwest girl life is full indeed. She needs no NY lights. She is content.

And if you want to know her, don't be a stranger.

robbing God...

"Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me."
"But you ask, 'How do we rob you?'
"In tithes and offerings... Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."

"You have said harsh things against me," says the Lord Almighty.
"Yet you ask, 'What have we said against you?'
"You have said, 'It is futile to serve God.'..... Malachi 3:6-18

I am guilty of robbing God and I have tested the Lord Almighty's Attributes. I have given and found He does bless. I have had tears and found He holds me close. I have been troubled and He has given me His Peace. I have been angry and He listens yet He gives me His Cooling Wisdom. I have had loss and He restores my heart to love again. Whatever I lack, I invite Him to come. I will be still and await as He unveils His Mysteries to me.
cure for doubt = taste

'monster unbelief'

Spurgeon's Morning & Evening Devotions
Morning, August 10

"How long will it be ere they believe me?"- Numbers 14:11
Strive with all diligence to keep out that monster unbelief. It so dishonours Christ, that He will withdraw His visible presence if we insult Him by indulging it. - Charles Spurgeon

belief :::::: taste!

Spurgeon: perfected

Depth of The Wedding...

Reading The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks gives you a man's look at how he loses himself in his work and takes his focus off his bride. It shows the reader how much a woman is like a flower needing a gardener's touch. Entering into a relationship with a woman and actually communing together, a man is fed from the beauty of his bride.

'This week, I hadn't been focusing on my problems and doing my best to correct them. This week, I'd been thinking of her; I'd committed myself to helping her with family responsibilities, I'd listen with interest whenever she spoke, and everything we discussed seemed new. I'd laughed at her jokes and held her as she'd cried, apologized for my faults and showed her the affection she both needed and deserved. In other words, I'd been the man she'd always wanted, the man I once had been, and - like an old habit rediscovered - I now understood that it was all I ever needed to do for us to begin to enjoy each other's company again.' ch 12

In the book the main character gets his in-law's house ready for the wedding. A conversation from the next-door neighbor is talking about the transformation of the house.

"Yeah, I'll tell you - it's been a shame watching what's become of it (house) over the last few years. All it ever needed was for someone to care for it again." He put his spectacles back on, smilingly softly. "It's funny, but have you ever noticed that the more special something is, the more people seem to take it for granted? It's like they think it won't ever change. Just like this house here. All it ever needed was a little attention, and it would have never have ended up like this in the first place. "ch 13

Yikes! Interesting how the author uses the house as a metaphor for what the leading man has done to his marriage.

Everytime I go by a run down house, I will be taking stock of my relationships. All we need is togetherness and worth. I want the intimate depth.

the high of hello...

I will be very honest about myself. Melancholy runs deep in the veins of my heart. I have been put down by others for it. They always had advice. I found it a personal journey and discovery so their advice had no real benefit for me but to throw it aside.

Shyness is my personality and putting that with melancholy can make it more of a struggle to succeed. I embraced my shyness after failing miserably at being outgoing! However, I do not want to have melancholy to rule my life. So I found a small little trick that works for me both at engaging others and uplifting my heart.

HI! or hello! are powerful-punch-packing words! I have opened up conversations with others and have found out wonderful little things about people. And I have brought smiles to their faces and to mine. Sometimes there are no conversations just this little ritual of sunshine that over time have lead to a sparkling conversation of weather or creation or to a budding friendship.

The power of hello has lead this shy melancholy girl to a more sunny listener. Not being a morning person, she gets a powerful 'hi' from this trick than from a huge dose of caffiene. This girl has found she can hold her own and even has a kind hearted bit of wit. love it!

the music of rain...

After many long hot days of humidy and steam, a rainy day is such a beautiful gift to the hungry soul. From the Ardente Crescendo of the pounding drops to the twinkling Dolce Ballad, the heart and soul is cleansed. The mind cools and the focus comes back to you. Even your body finds a more relaxed pace.

The rhythms drum a hearty beat in your ear. The raindrops dance and pounce in their little puddles they playfully make. Your eyes take it in and a smile shines out from your face. This is the music of your day whether you choose to read, meditate, clean, write, paint, cook, bake, or even catch up on some naps.

Thank You Almighty Creator for such a wonderful rainy day. I am blessed and refreashed. Thank you for romancing me.

power of people...

Crossville, TN:
This city has a big meth problem which leaves meth babies without parents capable to take care of them. The only option it seems was to put these babies in the jail house until they could be foster out. Instead the people of Crossville came together took a house and transformed it into a home for these small children to live.

Everyone helps. From the Girls Scouts building bookcases to the local theater group paint beautiful murals on the wall, a community is building back their future WITHOUT the help of goverment money. This is all done from the people's heart, sweat, tears, and pocket.
brilliant

what do you hear in a voice?

There is a study explaining why men do not listen to woman. A woman's voice is more intricate and melodic. While a man uses the basic hearing part of his brain to listen to a male, he has to use the music part of his brain to dicpher what a woman is saying. A woman already uses her music part of her brain to listen.

I happened to mention this in the workplace to get other views. It was an 'o yeah' moment for a guy who loves music. He likes women voices. He has guy friends that are not really into music and these friends of his express a hard time with listening to girls. This was an interesting notion for him.

I favor the male voice. I like the deepness in their voices when they talk and when they laugh. I much rather be cooed by a musical male voice than by a woman. I do not tolerate those high pitched voices. Maybe I like the simplicity of the male voice. It has a more calming effect than the exciteability of the female voice. Yes, a very interesting discovery for my thoughts.

What beauty is in the human voice. What an Awesome Creator to put such unique details in His precious creations.

move to what you can control...

At moments of great loss you find yourself at a crossroads. You can shrink into less or become more . You fall into bitterness or you can get better . All things are stripped bare and you must deal with your naked form. Your choice..... WAIT! WHAT?!?

When I lost my job and I was in great despair. Here is where I grappled with control . The word control has always left a bad taste in my mouth, but at your lowest no control means no hope. How was I going to be more if I didn't have some control?

I strongly believe that humans must have a degree of control in their lives or it will run amuck. Yet, I wanted to make sure that I fully trusted God in His Control of my journey. So I made a list of things that I truly could control without a mess of things.

Here is my humble list:

list my gratitudes

make affirmations

appreciate what you have

be full * be hungry * be content

delight & savor in God-Created beauty

declare His Attributes

claim victory

Really doesn't sound like much control. But by moving to what I can control, I found intimate joy. My heart & soul felt true strength. All things felt possible. All things are possible when you draw near to the Almighty One.

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength. Neh 8:10

Where, oh, where is Poppet's Place?

I loved going to the Hollow. My map is gone. Sadness fills me. The adventures of Rumpledoodles and Poppet (Husband, too!) made me smile. I was so enjoying getting to know them. It is like going to our secret hide out only to find that they up and left with on trace. Missing you. Please come back!!! Prettttttty Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?

more on strategy observations....

Men seem to be made to have this strategic mind. They are warriors building battle plans to conquer their world at hand. They must provide security and shelter at home.

Women are not built to control and manipulate people or situations. If they do they are called bad names. Women are at their best when they draw their loved ones near in a nurturing way. It feels good to be around a woman who is at rest with who they are. All is good around them.

Watching these observations, you have to be mindful of the 'God-Current'. He works things out for Good. His plans are soooo beyond ours. So whether you are a man or a woman your best strategy is to draw near to Him.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
As I was trying so hard to be a goooooood girl and really clean that bathroom of mine, I was thinking I really have to use stradegy to trick myself into sticking with the program of a nice beautiful loo! Yeah, so there is a way to use the evil side of stradegy to accomplish a sparkling bathroom!!!! yikes!!!!

strategy...

As I have roamed the adult world, I have often felt on the losing end of some game. People played games and I didn't know the rules. What seems to work well for others would backfire in my face. I had come to a point that I just was not a player, but something about being played haunted me. Maybe that is why reality shows intrigue me. If I could see how people played the game, I would figure out how not to be duped. I have some observations but this is a continual education. Let me state that I am not trying to learn how to be a player but rather just getting a grip on understanding how to live the best me with no games but not being played either.

Playing card or board games help you with the logical part of your brain. I lacked this in my childhood so I am making up for it now by playing gin and dominoes online. I play against a stronger player and I am always trying to figure out a strategy. I often wonder how the strategies you use in these games relate to playing the 'game of life'.

I have asked my favorite Dino to help me. Sir Thoughtful Thesaurus has suggested these meanings:

strategy≈

plan, policy,approach, tactic, line of attack, stratagem

- stratagem, trick, ruse, play, wile, dodge, scheme, plot

- wile, scam, hoax, deception

+ approach, method, move toward, come near, draw near, advance

As I was looking at this list, I noticed two sides to this word. There is a back stabing darkness to playing the game. Yet, I see words that I like.

The approach speaks to HOW we conduct our actions and HOW we live our lives. We can 'open the door' and let Him in our hearts. Drawing near to Him and knowing I cannot do this wonderful life on my own, allows me to approach life with the gifts, dreams, and passions that were tucked in my little heart when I was created. So whatever my life journey deals to me, I know my Warrior God has gone before me. He knows what lies ahead of me. He then walks with me through the journey. (Duet 31:8) He beams when I come near Him. There is delight in His eyes, quiet assurance in His love, and pure voice in His singing over me. (Zeph 3:17)

drawing near is my best strategy ... not scared anymore!

Mizpah....

I found a new word to enjoy. Mizpah (hebrew?) means watchtower. "may the Lord keep watch over you and me...." (Gen 31:49).
hesed

the Eternal two...

"Do you realize there are only two eternal things on earth today? Only two: people and God’s Word. Everything else will ultimately be burned up – everything else. Kind of sets your priorities straight, doesn’t it?" by Charles Swindoll

The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. - 1 John 2:1
Heaven & earth will pass away, but My Words will never pass away. - Luke 21:33

thought one...
Amazing that the Almighty Creator is willing to let His Earthly Creation that He spoke into being come to ruin. With that comes a God who is ultimately trust worthy. I find His Words a comfort ... and a peace.....

thought two...
The one thing I have a fire in the belly is teamwork & togetherness. God so made us relational. He made man but then made woman because man shouldn't be alone. This picture of a man & a woman together (marriage) is the same picture of the kind of relationship we should have with God. He choose to have a marriage relationship with us..... now isn't that a wow!!!! Marriage is sooo sacred.... and yet how do we care for it?

must love dogs....

I saw this cute little romantic movie over the weekend. Love John Cusak but I would rate the movie about a seven. I always like finding a gem within ... found one here.

The movie is about finding real love after divorce. The leading man has a theory ... goes like this "from pain our hearts grow back bigger." I squirmed in my seat which is better than standing up and yelling 'yes yes' in the dark theater!!!

a real life experience outside of the movie:
He had been divorced sometime. She did not know this guy before his marriage or during or right after. But she did know that he could not have been the same person that he is today that he was back in his late teens. She then looked at her own path. Just now she was beginning to feel comfortable with her skin and her brain. She longed to be married but that was not an option for her. Today she is glad because she is different person .... well a much better fuller woman.

Going back to his path she probably would have liked him back when but probably not a deeper like that she has from knowing him now. There is still something hollow in him. No words can describe it ... just a feeling.

His journey took him through character degradation. He made his excape to better provide for his own. Her journey took her through loneliness. She has been fighting for 'teamwork' ever since. Two different journeys of pain, but one good thing is birthed .... an Enlarged Heart

Our journeys are designed uniquely for us. Pain is part of the deal. *grrr*

So the movie says it perfect .... His heart grew back bigger

a movie review: batman

surface vs. depth

I have picked up Nicholas Sparks latest book turned paperback called the The Wedding. When I read books I like to think of the author as a character too. Why did he write this book? What journey does he want to take us on? If the author is a character than I too am one. Why do I continue with the book? What do I hope to get from this book? I also believe that I get more from books that choose me at a certain time of my life.

At this time I am seeking out life, seeking out a woman's life, & seeking out what married life is. (I have many trails I am on! This is just one here for now.) As I read The Wedding , I was intrigued by the leading man's observation of his married life. He had a choice of a deep marriage or a surface one. Now in his fifies, he realizes what he has missed out. He looks at his wife as beautiful as when he first met her. He is now on the path to bring connection back.

Yes, I am not married, but I can't see co-existing under one roof and never really diving into the depths of togetherness. Togetherness is the stuff of married life! Is it not?

This is a good read so far. I hope the leading man truly enriches his life by reaching out again to his wife. I hope it isn't too late.

I like reading Nicholas Sparks. First, because he started his dream in his 30's. That gives me hope that I can be an author at any age. Second, he gives me a male's perspective on relationships. Third and most painful is that he always has a huge twist that rips out your heart. I don't think I ever read his books with out crying in the end.

Love listening to the Country Countdown on my way home from church on Sundays. A new song to my ears was by Gary Allen titled "Your the best I've ever had." Yup, a song about losing his girl. I can't wait to hear it again. I want to know the story.

Speak out loud of your love. Reach out .... hold hands. Life is way to short not to dive into the depths together

a little relationship maintenance....

When it comes to relationship maintenance or even if one is thinking about beginning a relationship, I find that you can have better success if you try three things.

How to decompress...

How to empower...

How to connect/attract....

There are times when there is going to be a bit of stress in a relationship.... well, maybe a whole lot of stress. Sometimes a bit of heat is good for movement, but knowing how to decompress the situation or the person you love will allow for breathing room and not for combustion. I personally know that I would rather have a simple exhale than popping my top with all my insides splattered about. Way too messy for me. You do have to be aware of your partner's boiling point and know what works to depressurize. I, the Questioner, find that just asking the question "What would decompress or depressurize you in a stressful situation?" opens up a discussion that can work both ways.

There are times when there is going to be failure or melancholy in a relationship ... well, maybe a whole lot of down time. Sometimes a bit of mellow is good for reaching upwards, but knowing how to empower your loved one allows for value and worth to glow inside and bubble out making them a better person. The Questioner again isn't afraid to ask "What would empower you?", but for me other questions and discussions work to know what makes them feel valued. This would lead to a million different side trails. So, lets see if I can narrow it down... I think it is key to appreciate a man's actions and to appreciate who a woman is. Think verbs for men and think nouns for women. Simply put give genuine compliments and gratitudes. "You provide me love and a nice home. Thank you for all your hardwork for us." (ie: for a man) "You are a beautiful lover. You are my home, my safe place." (ie: for a woman) If this conversation and action was a part of our daily relationship life, man, our relationships would totally rock!

There are way toooooo many times that life pulls us apart from our relationships. Too many demands from the outside world like work or children drain what precious little time we have with each other. And for men they think they are built to do it alone (total myth, guys! sorry!). They are told often to be a man no tears. God created us women to be relational because He knew that it was not good for man to be alone. We must make connections. I think this comes from knowing their love language. Is it words, acts, touch, gifts, or time that makes them feel loved? It is a sure thing that if they feel loved they reach out. Just connecting .. doing things together .... rekindling the sparks of what first attracted you ... just plain romance is the real language of love. So why do loose this essential language? I think it was my father who said "if you don't use it you lose it." How true if we do not speak the language of love.
... decompress .... empower ... connect ... attract ....
all she wants is to hold hands and look into his eyes ... knowing that they journey through life together ...... or it is not worth it....

make connections ... not distance

to wait....

A man's strength is in action. In love he pursues her. A woman's strength is at rest. In love she waits for him.

Ok, wait a minute. Wait? Now how hard is that especially for a woman. So I studied wait. Love my favorite dinosaur, Thesaurus, for these little treks.

wait ≈

stay, remain, linger, tarry, abide

continue, reside, keep on

persevere with, persist in, carry on, soldier with

expect, look for

serve, attend

These words are verbs which really mean they are action words. When made to wait especially in a relationship, it is the hardest kind of action to do. It feels like inaction. Feels like standing still. Relationships to women are fluid. A nice soft ebb and flows feels right. My heart will rest easier if I use the meater words for wait. They feel more like action.

Well, if this woman is going to wait, she is going to wait in a beautiful place like 'a quiet english garden' or 'in a cove' to watch the surf meet the sand. Her way of surrounding herself in beauty and tending to beauty.

Wait is really being at rest. Contented with yourself... Contented in who God created you to be. Being enough..... Delighting & savoring...

legacy...

Legacy is not only what you leave behind; it is also what you put forward. When you look this word up in the dictionary it refers to it as past or history.

"Anything bequeathed ... disposed of by will"

It is almost like something done in secret. People's wills are created behind closed doors only to be revealed upon death. Almost like they didn't want to deal with the aftermath their will caused! I just don't like thinking about legacy like this.

I like to think legacy should be a very conscious thought and everyday action. It should be simple and yet powerful. I finally found my definition: Legacy = happy, healthy, & wings .

I ask myself the questions:

Am I happy?

Is it healthy?

How are my wings? Can I fly?

It is the basic steps to take care of myself and to catch my dreams. This kind of legacy helps me to live and love deeply today and tomorrow leaving 'yesturday's' bequeath open to a future of possible happy and healthy dreams come true.

at LookOut Rock

Inky black ocean waters pound the beach and rocks. White foam snarles and whips high in the air. Lighting arcs from high in the heavens and strikes trimmers through the earth. Rain hits huge and hard. Violent electricity frizzles about.

Looking closely there is a lone figure rocking back and forth on LookOut Rock. Pain etched deeply in her bent frame. Her face is contorted. Her tears mix with the rain. Drenched to her skin, a deep heaviness courses through her.

If one could pull back earth's veil, holding the girl is a strong Man clothed in Light. Not all is lost. He is protecting her and allowing her to release all the pain she feels. His rain is mixing in with her tears and washing her clean. Letting her feel His strength and power.

He will carry her indoors, tucking her in blankets with warm chamoline tea. When she awakes in the morning, His Light will burn in her heart. Blossoming into more.......

the shove

What drives a Redeemed Eve to abuse?

- leaving her alone for days & months
- keeping her always at arms length
- never allowing her to keep you in her eyesight
- going away mentally, emotionally, physically, & spiritually
- sharing your life but then hiding away & getting offended when she seeks you
- no acknowledgements when she proves her metal & survives you over & over again

All you are teaching her is that she is not enough. That she is not capable to handle you. You shut down her beauty. You really do need her.

You would be surprised if you allowed her full access into your life that she is quite resilient and is built to handle hardships better than her counterpart. She can save you from yourself and the lonely life you lead. Man is not meant to do it alone. Life is to be shared or there is no fullfillment.

The Redeemed Eve knows who she is in Christ. She knows her journey. She is in a very secure place, but it does not mean she cannot be driven to abuse..... Eve is Ramsoned and Redeemed.... she is no longer depraved...... So Eve keeps exercising Beauty.....

''It's about Big Love & bulging Vulnerable hearts....
and the honest truth and the profound choice we make everyday to live our lives in color and choose love all over again.''

enough......

Standing before you is just a girl asking a boy to love her.....
asking a boy to walk together through life
asking a boy to pursue her
... no it is not a game to her
but she does know that if a boy pursues her,
she will be loved all her days.
she will know she is enough.

I am enough. I have enough. I love enough. I risk enough. I fill enough. I get enough. I handle enough. I am loved enough. I am healed enough. I am ready enough. I am enough.

It is being full and hungry. It is growing and being balanced..... It is knowing in her heart that she is enough and no boy will defeat the beauty of her essence.

(all grown up ... a mirror truth)

tears are sacred....

Tears are sacred. To use tears to manipulate another to do your will undermines the essence of tears.......

Tears are for cleansing pain from your whole being much like when the rains come with a cool front to cool an overheated earth. Tears are the moving of your heart and for the passions of human spirit that rise up and overwhelm you with a joy and a sence of everything is alright. Tears are a voice to things we may have pushed down and ignored.

Tears are a holy ground. It can be violent and peaceful. It can be torture and pure. ... Humans were made to cry. It is a gift........ Do not abuse

keep family together.... virtual storytelling

What a precious memories to make! A mother goes out to her mailbox and finds a video tape from her husband in Iraq. She pops it in and there her husband is reading stories to their children.

An American woman soldier is providing this service to her fellow soldiers as her way to share her beauty and legacy to her world. BRILLIANT

signs to the End Times vs. Behavior of the End Times

I am one that does not like to think or talk about the End Times. I would much rather leave it to mystery. Of recent a thought about the End Times popped into my head. What if we are a bit out of focus when it comes the End Times? What if we missed the point when we look so intently at the events and over looked the Behavior?

Everytime I come across a passage in the NT about 'nations rising against nations or about earthquakes, famines, pestilence or any fearful event or heavenly signs' (Luke 21:10), I find verses tucked in like 'you will be betrayed by parents, brothers, and friends, and they will put some of you to death' (Luke 21:16). My heart does not like to hear this! I cannot fathom betrayal from my loved ones. Yet, God says to watch for this. Then I look deep into the depths of my being. Could I betray my own loved ones in the faith? It is a very easy thing to do. Look at Peter and even Judas! This totally makes me nerveous!!!!

'By standing firm you will gain life.' - Luke 21:19
'Keep yourselves in God's Love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to Eternal Life.' - Jude 5:21

So as I feel the 'last days' creep upon me and the foul darkness breathe on my neck, I must keep my words and actions in check. I must exercise love ... I must exercise beauty..... I must stand firm.....

O Love

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine oceans depths
Its flow may richer, fuller be.

O Light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to Thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in Thy sunshine's blaze
Its day may brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee;
I trace the rainbow through rain,
And feel the promise is not vein
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from Thee;
I lay in dust life's glory dead,
And from the ground there blossom red
Life that shall endless be. by George Matheson in 1800's

I newly heard this old old hymn sung with voices only. It stired my soul like a cooling breeze after a hot day. I am most humbled to be loved unconditionaly every moment of my life by the Almighty Holy God.
A Love that wilt not let me go is Love indeed!

If you can you must listen to Gaither's Australian Homecoming on cd or dvd.

Babies & Mommys

"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on,"  wrote
poet Carl Sandburg

In each little bundle there is a calling upon that new little heart. Little Passions ready to begin Life's Journey. Exciting Adventures to take them into their most full self. Little Ones to leave the world changed and better......

---

I am childless by choice. Singlehood has been my path and there was no way I wanted to raise a child by myself. But other more honest feelings surfaced as I walked alone. First I just felt like there was no mommy inside me. There was no want or need for a baby to complete me. I was not drawn to the softness of a baby's world.

As the days of childbearing are entering the last days or in other terms the biological clock is ticking out of time, the need is stilllllll not there! However, a 'Mommyness' is blooming in my heart. I have always been drawn to people's stories. What really draws me is their passions and their dreams. It is like sitting at the feet of a master artist creating a work of art. I like the unfolding. I like the mystery unveiling and all it requires of me is to observe.

A true mommy's understanding of her baby is that it is already package with passions and dreams. True mommys know that she is just one who her baby passes through. The baby is not a carbon copy of her. A mommy is a life-bearer and she nutures, inspires, and energizes. She wants her baby to grow in happiness and health. She wants her baby to grow strong wings because she knows the baby will leave her home one day.

If life had given me couplehood, I would probably had children. However, I am not sure that mommy would be the mommy I have discovered that is just now blooming . Maybe I would have tried to control to much. More honestly because of all my ''mixed up feelings'' I would have been too afraid ....

What is more important now is that I am just a different kind of 'mommy'. I am a life-bearer of a different sort. I coo over those baby dreams. I beam when I see flight......


To be a mommy is just being quiet & observant allowing dreams & passions to flourish

What do you see?

Carl Sandburg wrote: "I see America not in the setting sun of a black night of despair.... I see America in the crimson light of a rising sun fresh from the burning, creative hand of God."

What do you see? Do you see that Light still has the power over the evil that brews in darkness? Do you see that you can make a difference in this world? Do you see Light's calling on your heart?

I see the Dark Shadows breathing out despair and doom. But I see the lightness of my own heart. I see Beauty as my legacy to leave this world a better place.....

Light...

A week has gone by now and we know more about the shadows. We listened and watch the stories come from London...... I leave one more snapshot of observance here.....

Light is about life, joy, and beauty. Darkness is about death, horror, and distruction. We must hold dear to LIFE. We must want to live and live fully. We must give value and worth to all that come into our worlds. We should welcome ... like leaving that candle in our windows to give a path of light to that weary traveler needing a shelter. Honestly, I just want to climb up into that big blue sky and shine that bright sun right on all shadows. I want to see them disappear for good. I know their time will come, but in the meantime I will walk in the Light, exercise beauty, and cheer on the fighting human spirit.

It is truly a wonderful life .......

(((((London)))))

resist ... you are not alone....

There was many dark things happening in Middle-earth and they had gathered at Rivendell to seek widsom. Elrond the Elf-king speaks:

'You have done well to come. You will hear today all that you need in order to understand the purposes of the Enemy. There is naught (nothing) that you can do, other than to resist, with hope or without it. But you do not stand alone. You will learn that your trouble is but part of the trouble of all the western world. from the The Lord of the Rings chapter the Council of Elrond

Key points is you must always resist and that you are not alone. 'The Alone,' where you are at your least value and worth when no one seems to be there to cover your back, is when you are going to be vulnerable to the Black Riders and their Black Breath. You wonder why lone shadows or a pack of lone shadows blow up themselves and others? Go back to your most lonely times you will find a moment or two where you faultered. What did you feel?

That is how terror strikes. The Black Riders are here. Lurking around in dark shadows. Don't walk alone. But remember to cover other's backs as well. The world is built to be relational. There is work for men and women alike.

I have been using the Lord of the Ring for my thoughts on terror. I find in the pages a guide or maybe more like a curtain drawn back. It is like going up in the airplane and looking down rather than trying to understand from the murky shadows here on earth. It fills me with hope and a since of a mission to take care of my world. To cherish LIFE and to spread beauty. You must live and cherish all lives as well as your own. And the only way to change the ugly shadows on this earth is to open up windows and let in the Beautiful Light. I have strong joy. I am not afraid. I have a purpose in this day and age.

a man's calling in this new age of terror....

In the world of men strength is their ultimate wonder. They want to be tested .....

'Yes, I, Gandalf the Grey,' said the wizard solemnly. 'There are many powers in the world, for good or for evil. Some are greater than I am. Against some I have not yet been measured. But my time is coming. The Morgul-lord and his Black Riders have come forth. War is preparing!' from The Lord of the Rings chapter Many Meetings

yet they have a bit of hesitation. Will they come through a challenge with valor or will be forever shamed? Will the Good or will the evil take them over?

One of the Black Riders stuck his sword in Frodo's shoulder. This sword's target was to pierce Frodo's heart. Evil's goal was to change Good....

... the weapons of our Enemy are deadly. To tell you the truth, I had very little hope; for I suspected that there was some fragment of the blade still in the closed wound. But it could not be found until last night. Then Elrond removed a splinter. It was deeply buried, and it was working inwards.' ..... 'Don't be alarmed!' said Gandolf. 'It is gone now. It has been melted. And it seems Hobbits fade very reluctantly. I have known strong warriors of the Big People who would quickly have been overcome by that splinter, which you bore for seventeen days.'

'What would they have done to me?' asked Frodo. 'What were the Riders trying to do?'

"They tried to pierce your heart with a Morgul-knife which remains in the wound. If they succeeded, you would have become like they are, only weaker and under their command. You would have become a wraith (ghost) under the dominion of the Dark Lord; and he would have tormented you for trying to keep his Ring......' conversation between Gandolf and Frodo in the chapter of Many Meetings from The Lord of the Rings

Most times the biggest risk in taking on the challenge and being tested is just simply TRYING. If you feel like a Hobbit small & insignificiant, remember with great joy that they are a tenacious lot and fade very reluctantly. Yes, we are in a new age of terror - ' War is preparing' . All good men from all good lands must hear their calling. If fear grips your heart, TRYING is strength. Would you rather be a MAN or a misty grey vaporouswraith - ghost-like without substance? Let Light & Goodness ring out to all people..... with this Valor will be rewarded to those who kept tenaciously trying.

the meaning of black riders...

For a girl, or a woman, or a mother evil or ugly deeds done to hearth and home are hard for her to wrap her brain around. Inside her veins fear trys to run cold to paralize her. Inside her brain questions start to overload and short circuit motivation to change her world for good. Inside her heart her emotions run extremely hot. Inside her soul an Eden where she can hide renews her beautiful strength. Then she walks in beauty with her hand in her Mighty Warrior God.

I tend to live in my brain and questions tend to overload me. As I look back over the past four years of this new age of terror, I have monitored my own growth and path. I know I have a future not yet known to me, but I know my steps are strong and are of Light. I have an understanding of evil. I have 'sight' of the God-Current underlying all events that happen on this earth.

This new layer of understanding of evil comes from the summer read of The Lord of the Rings Where Strider tells the Hobbits about the Black Riders:

They themselves do not see the world of light as we do, but our shapes cast shadows in their minds, which only the noon sun destroys; and in the dark they perceive many signs and forms that are hidden from us: then they are most to be feared. And at all times they smell the blood of living things, desiring and hating it. ... We can feel their presence - it troubled our hearts, as soon as we came here, and before we saw them; they feel ours more keenly. Also, 'he added, and his voice sank to a whisper, 'the Ring ( symbol of power, greed and evil) draws them . ' from the chapter A Knife in the Dark

My thoughts are no where near the end times. My thoughts are totally on my Creator and Ancient of Days. He is of Strength and Beauty.

"The mountains shall depart & the hills be removed, but my compassion shall not depart form thee, neither shall the convenant of My peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee." Isa 54:10

"This is the way; walk in it." lsa 30

personal light journey

In the summer of 2001 this American was hearing from abroad the great distaste of the Isreal and of the US . I was becoming quite alarmed. However, I was just thinking that the gobal world thought Americans were loud and acted much like a rable-rousing teenager. On September 11th my worse fears not even thought of happened. I personally felt attacked especially because I had a great love of my country.

As I watched the years unfold since, I must give my heartfelt gratitude out to PM Tony Blair. He has been a great friend to my President George W and he has been a great friend to the common American people. (Thank you PM Tony Blair for having our backs.) As Great Britian too has been attacked by the dark shadows, I found myself really realizing that this is more a global issue than a just the Westerners and their love for democracy and freedom.

From NY and Bali to Madrid and London I have grown less not knowing what to do to realizing and seeing the undercurrent of these events. This summer for the first time I have dove into Tolkien's writings. The Lord of the Rings have lifted the veil and have allowed me to see things about this world. The dark shadows are back and we must work as one to expose them to the Light. Caution yes but no waivering.

The God-Current ( what God does when it seems nothing is going to our own plans) is very much around us if we only look.

Be not afraid to be true Image-Bearers. We are moons reflecting borrowed Light.

Keep shining ... true living....

a dark vapor or "a brilliant blaze"

A dark damp vapor that creeps and devours. Falling back into the shadows only to creep out in another shadowy form. Only way to fight off this hellish fog is bring out the fires ... bring out the suns. Shine out and keep the way bathed in all that is pure blinding light.

"I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather
That my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze
Than that it should be stifled by dry rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor,
Every atom of me in magnificent glow,
Than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The proper function of man is to LIVE, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time." by Jack London

Just in case you read something here that you should not. This author does not speak of blowing up yourself or people for a cause. The only way to make a difference is to LIVE a brilliant full of light kind of life.

We are not called to distort our faith or our values by use of death. A true faith requires of man to LIVE a life a step up. Faith gives our life a deeper meaning and a way to fly higher.

It is "not the fact that he was willing to die for his faith. Better still, he was willing to LIVE out his faith all the way to the end" from "Let's Roll"

Be more
Be more passionate
Be more compassionate
Be more
not less

Soak in Beauty in the midst of terror

When words cannot heal or calm, beauty can. As I was searching for more today after London's horror, I found beauty in a simple picture with the top news story on yahoo. The picture was of a couple embracing & kissing a goodbye in front of a Tube station on this day after.

It was simple expression of togetherness. It was calming. It was cheering on the human spirit. It was sheer beauty. A simple kiss .... meeting of hearts ..... a beautiful promise ....

London O London

In my days of youth and calm I got to walk in the streets of London and ride the Tube. Jet lag was not going to stop me from soaking in everything around me. It is like going back and taking out memory-movies remembering the places and the people.

I cherish those days of youth and world travel. Now as terror-weary adult, life is still more precious. I continue to soak in space, experience, and people. My world is smaller and more global. Today I was touched by the calm Brits. I was moved. I wept.

This is the summer of Tolkien for me. England & Brits, I find comfort in the great pen of your author.

(Frodo thinking) But though his fear was so great that it seemed to be part of the very darkness that was around him, he found himself as he lay thinking about Bilbo Baggins and his stories, of their jogging along together in the lanes of the Shire and talking about roads and adventures. There is a seed of courage hidden (often deeply, it is true) in the heart of the fattest and most timid hobbit, waiting for some final and desperate danger to make it grow. ... He (Frodo) thought he had come to the end of his adventure, and a terrible end, but the thought hardened him, He felt himself stiffening, as if for a final spring; he no longer felt limp like a helpless prey. from The Lord of the Rings chapter "Fog on the Barrow-Downs" by Tolkien

I find that the fire stirs in me. I am an impassioned American. Sure I am ticked off but peace and compassion rule my heart. Terror only kicks up resolve to stand up and walk tall.

"The Name of the Lord is a Strong Tower; the righteous run to it & are safe." prov 18:10

"where two or three are gathered..."

Freedom thoughts...

I am pretty passionate about my country, the USA. I like going back and imagining what our founding fathers, mothers, and families felt like as they were living. Coming to new lands and creating a new place. Worshiping the way they wanted. Then choosing to fight for these new freedoms they wanted to have and living out an "American Dream." The war for these United States was a very long and bloody one. Why do we forget this? Why do our hearts ache to bring our soldiers back for the war we are in now without letting them FINISH the job? Have we forgotten our own young history?

"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us....." - from The Fellowship of the Ring chapter The Shadow of the Past by J.R.R. Tolkien

I remember video of the poisoning of the people and animals in Iraq. I was sick. I am sick now of all the negative press on the war. Show the positive action taken. We the people have the right to see the success and the victories no matter how small they may seem. I was sooo excited to see the Iraqies vote! I get soooo excited to see the soldiers talking to the children and working with the villagers to rebuild schools and towns.

It is always our duty to push back the shadows. The price for Freedom is always an insane amount. If it is for good, our first concern should be generosity. It is up to us to decide what to do with the time given us. Sure, I want to live like the Hobbits happliy in their Shire; however, it is the call on every man and woman to make a difference in their world. Freedom is far stronger than the shadows if it is in the hearts of man to have courage and hope and fight to the very end.

What is missing from the Wedding Ceremony?

I have never seen the signing of the Marriage License during the wedding ceremony. It is usually done in a hurried matter in a corner of the reception hall. This contract is the most important piece of the commitment that the two are making to each other. Why do we hide it like a dirty secret? Why is this piece of paper so umimportant in the wedding day yet it a major deal to erase when there is a divorce? Put this Wedding Contract right there in the middle of the marriage as a reminder that this for real and it is binding and should be handled with care and love.

the great loss of the "thinking languages" of male and female

Compartment thinking is part of the male language. When man is facing a problem, that is where he puts all his focus. Think of the brain as a chest of drawers and most likely for the male, work is going to be the main problem. All other drawers remain tightly shut as he goes about correcting the problem. Everything around him is shut off.

Even if it is a home issue, the male goes straight to the work drawer and opens it. He finds that no matter what kind of problem he has the work drawer is his answer. The profession the male is in defines him. It is workable with his hands or his mind. It is what he can mostly control. The stuff of relationships and the stuff of home has tooooooo much flow and not an easy thing for a male to understand or really what he can control. The man likes things firm like land. He can understand sure things.

Multi-task thinking is part of the female language. When woman is facing a problem, she brings in all kinds of reinforcements. Still thinking of the brain as a chest of drawers, a woman has all the drawers open. Nothing is closed down. Everything is connected to everything.

When a situation presents itself, the female goes straight to the chest of drawers and opens every single drawer .... not just opens but pulls out the drawer and dumps out all contents. Then she will sit in the middle of the dumped contents and proceed to sort and resort. She will not do this alone. She will get on that phone and calls in every available reinforcement inviting them to come and help at her dump site. Sorting things out and knowing everything is connected is the female's source of control. A woman has great understanding of relationships and home. The woman likes things that flow like water. She can understand the ebb and flow.

When a male has gone into compartment thinking locking himself up tight in that one drawer, how does a woman relate to that male language? She is banished from him. In fact when she is banished from him, her stock in his life has just went to zero.

With a female multi-tasking is demanded of her. The world and the males look to the female as 'the secretary' doing this and that at the same time. Her body is even designed to multi-task ie: the baby on her hip as she does her laundry. If a woman is to survive she must come to an understanding of balancing the flow of her life.

100% of life - 90% of the unimportant = 10% IMPORTANT allows the female to better live her life. This opens up her love to flow out into her passions and pour out value to the loved ones close to her. However, because this formula works for both her and her male counterpart, the male banishment of her leaves her stock in his life and his matters valueless. She is shut off - basically unimportant.

No one language is more right than the other language. But suppose there is a way to bind up the languages where one is not banished but allowed together on a 'team language'?

A 'team language' must be spoken or both female and male are banished from each other forever in an unending cycle ... never knowing the true lesson of the journey is teamwork.

Value & Worth

Batman!!!

What are we to do with fear and compassion as we struggle in our daily lives? Do we become paralyzed and immobile? If we are to bring justice, do we destroy or is there a way to bring healing though compassion? Bruce, aka. Batman, learned to take his fear and executed compassion as he went back to save his father's name as well as his town, Gotham. Positive Action is the only way to live.

"We fall to learn to pick ourselves up" was Bruce's learning curve. First spoken by his father when Bruce was mending from his fall into the bat well. Then voiced at every hard turn in Bruce's struggle to find his positive action.

Bruce finally could repeat back to his childhood friend What you do tells of who you are when she asked who he was behind his bat mask. He took on his journey. He proved to believe good and then became a good force.

Living is about the action we take.

a movie review: Bewitched