Dear Heavenly Father,
Today I feel a bit black and moody because I tried to speak important things I got brushed off twice. It made me want to react like a child and go silent. But no, I am adult and I know better. However, it is there and makes me dark. It is important and I would like spiritual guidance.....
I love You because You will never leave me nor forsake me. What I am grappling is important to You. You won't ignore me. Foremost You want me to keep my eyes on You and keep in the Your Love Letter. I want to keep to the Truth and I want to engage in conversation with my niece to know where she is at.
Can I do this? Can I make her feel safe to open up to me about the books she has read? Can I ask questions to get her to think? Will I be able to talk, I mean really talk to her? Will it happen????? I do need Your Help. Can I bring Your Truth and Your Wisdom to her without loosing her???? I need Your Words. I will be quiet and wait on You...
I love YOU!!!
always your daughter
Monday, June 28, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
weeping for the Ents...
A running nose after a Saturday sun walk in April 09 was the first clue that I just might have another allergy to add to my ever growing list of them. I have been ever on edge this year especially after a headache at Easter. I must have tree allergies so Zyrtex has been a constant companion. How long do trees pollenate? There has been high predictions for tree pollen ever since April. There was a slight down turn this week so I stopped taking the medication.
This has been a really wacky summer. Summer started right after winter, I swear honesty here! I never had a chance to wear my cool spring clothes! And RAIN! It has rained so often here that the grass is emerald green and the river banks are a constant high where we have flash flood warnings every time there is rain forecasted. Then comes the storms. Last Friday night we had a major one! The rain came in pounding the earth so hard that the rain turned into a white haze and my view was just 6 feet out. It was this sick army brown green. The winds wickedly whip around at speeds of 80 mph. It lasted what seemed forever. One good thing about rain is that it does cleanse the air.....
There where trees down where the winds grappled with the weak parts of the tallest and oldest and thickest trees. Mostly it was the little branches everywhere. I guess it was just a prelude to what was to come the following Wednesday...
Rains where predicted to stop by 3PM and they did. The sun came out and I thought I would be spending a night of creating....
8 o'clock comes with darken skies and darken reports of nasty weather coming our way. It was like not again and really? The sky was grey. Yes, grey stormy... maybe though .... The the grey flashed. Here we go. It was not like Friday. It was less and was quick too. But the damage was more. Four tornadoes hit the county and two hit south of my town. It was at F1 levels so the damage was basically huge trees toppled over baring roots. Wild circles in the corn. A barn lifted up and flattened. Nothing like the tornado damage to a neighboring town several years ago in October. It was still hard to go to work seeing such massive trees uprooted. What power! It makes me remember how strong my God is. My eyes welled up with tears....
Came home Thursday night and my nose started to run. The tree pollen count is there but down. So why was my nose just running? I remember someone recently tell me about a woman who was allergic to pine. She didn't know why she was always sickly every December until she released that their live Christmas tree was the causing her physical gloom and doom. So with this 'dot' and connecting it to the buzz of chain saws cutting down trees all over leads me to believe the cause of my runaway nose is the trees again!
{heavy sigh} I hate the smell of hay and fall is my least favorite seasons except the brilliant cornflower blue skies and the golden corn fields because of the hay fever. I don't want to hate spring and summer. Pollen is like dirt but hidden dirt. This causes crazy behavior on my part besides the massive headaches. I become obsessed of the clothes I will wear outside and what clothes I will wear inside and not ever outside. Then there is the problem of my favorite clothes that I just don't wear at all because I don't want the pollen in my house. It is an invisible enemy and ridiculous behavior on my part, I know. Don't roll your eyes ant me and keep your mitts off the phone. Don't call the crazy house or the the straight jacket ... just yet!
I guess what I am saying the long way is that I don't want to hate trees or spring or summer. (Winter has been my favorite season with Spring coming in as a tie position.) Trees are ancient centurions. Always tall, watchful, faithful, lasting, and dependable. There is something serene and thoughtful about trees... Tolkien seemed to feel for trees and I reflect.... I have to romanticize my little issue. I weep for the Ancient Ents.....
This has been a really wacky summer. Summer started right after winter, I swear honesty here! I never had a chance to wear my cool spring clothes! And RAIN! It has rained so often here that the grass is emerald green and the river banks are a constant high where we have flash flood warnings every time there is rain forecasted. Then comes the storms. Last Friday night we had a major one! The rain came in pounding the earth so hard that the rain turned into a white haze and my view was just 6 feet out. It was this sick army brown green. The winds wickedly whip around at speeds of 80 mph. It lasted what seemed forever. One good thing about rain is that it does cleanse the air.....
There where trees down where the winds grappled with the weak parts of the tallest and oldest and thickest trees. Mostly it was the little branches everywhere. I guess it was just a prelude to what was to come the following Wednesday...
Rains where predicted to stop by 3PM and they did. The sun came out and I thought I would be spending a night of creating....
8 o'clock comes with darken skies and darken reports of nasty weather coming our way. It was like not again and really? The sky was grey. Yes, grey stormy... maybe though .... The the grey flashed. Here we go. It was not like Friday. It was less and was quick too. But the damage was more. Four tornadoes hit the county and two hit south of my town. It was at F1 levels so the damage was basically huge trees toppled over baring roots. Wild circles in the corn. A barn lifted up and flattened. Nothing like the tornado damage to a neighboring town several years ago in October. It was still hard to go to work seeing such massive trees uprooted. What power! It makes me remember how strong my God is. My eyes welled up with tears....
Came home Thursday night and my nose started to run. The tree pollen count is there but down. So why was my nose just running? I remember someone recently tell me about a woman who was allergic to pine. She didn't know why she was always sickly every December until she released that their live Christmas tree was the causing her physical gloom and doom. So with this 'dot' and connecting it to the buzz of chain saws cutting down trees all over leads me to believe the cause of my runaway nose is the trees again!
{heavy sigh} I hate the smell of hay and fall is my least favorite seasons except the brilliant cornflower blue skies and the golden corn fields because of the hay fever. I don't want to hate spring and summer. Pollen is like dirt but hidden dirt. This causes crazy behavior on my part besides the massive headaches. I become obsessed of the clothes I will wear outside and what clothes I will wear inside and not ever outside. Then there is the problem of my favorite clothes that I just don't wear at all because I don't want the pollen in my house. It is an invisible enemy and ridiculous behavior on my part, I know. Don't roll your eyes ant me and keep your mitts off the phone. Don't call the crazy house or the the straight jacket ... just yet!
I guess what I am saying the long way is that I don't want to hate trees or spring or summer. (Winter has been my favorite season with Spring coming in as a tie position.) Trees are ancient centurions. Always tall, watchful, faithful, lasting, and dependable. There is something serene and thoughtful about trees... Tolkien seemed to feel for trees and I reflect.... I have to romanticize my little issue. I weep for the Ancient Ents.....
Sunday, June 20, 2010
happy 5th bday, llj!
Yesterday came & I forgot! My blog had another birthday! 5 years! llj (what I call my blog for short) has been a very good friend over the years. She (I think my blog is a girl) has listen & helped me think out weighty issues. You know she has even gotten frustrated at me for my slow learning process. She never yelled back or vanished for days, weeks, or years even if I have neglected her. {sighs} You know I have become a less angry person because of this blog because I finally found my voice even if there two ears. Ahhhh, five years.... & more to come!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
before great men ...
I have this 'gift verse' that I think about when I plan gifts for others. I would like to flip it on you so you can see it in a different way.
"A man's gift makes room for him,
& brings him before great men (kings)."
Prov. 18:16
Have you ever thought about the person you are giving the gift to great or kingly? Have you ever thought that you are coming before royalty with your gift? I've been thinking about it more and more. It is an interesting concept. It could quite change your gift giving.
"A man's gift makes room for him,
& brings him before great men (kings)."
Prov. 18:16
Have you ever thought about the person you are giving the gift to great or kingly? Have you ever thought that you are coming before royalty with your gift? I've been thinking about it more and more. It is an interesting concept. It could quite change your gift giving.
single period.
I have made a decision that I am going to be happy and content with my God-given gift of singlehood. However, I must warn you that if you ask and tears well up, it does NOT mean that I want you to set me up. What is worse than living a singular life is the dating. I absolutely hate it. I am the most unsure of myself like a new born horse. If I was to get married, it would have been from getting to know someone like from a friendship.
Please do not think you can rescue me. I am a hopeless cause when it comes to human intervention. God knows me and yes, I have to work on my 'comfort' and stability of little 'ol me. Last year I hit a milestone birthday and at Christmas I had to deal with someone who thought they could rescue me sent me into a deep end of emotional stress. I had enough. No more. Now if I can control my welling of my eyes and have the right words. So to the ladies that tried to rescue me today and to anyone else who thinks they are the best at matchmaking, I am not having it and I will become my worse nightmare. I would rather keep that under wraps. Thank you very much! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Please do not think you can rescue me. I am a hopeless cause when it comes to human intervention. God knows me and yes, I have to work on my 'comfort' and stability of little 'ol me. Last year I hit a milestone birthday and at Christmas I had to deal with someone who thought they could rescue me sent me into a deep end of emotional stress. I had enough. No more. Now if I can control my welling of my eyes and have the right words. So to the ladies that tried to rescue me today and to anyone else who thinks they are the best at matchmaking, I am not having it and I will become my worse nightmare. I would rather keep that under wraps. Thank you very much! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Sunday, June 13, 2010
feelings vs Holy Spirit ...
God is teaching and I am listening. I don't have it yet. It is like it is a new flower to me never seen before and it is budding. I never really put a placement on my feelings. I feel them. Some come on in a surprise and some are just plain good. In my younger days most were dark and even violent. Yes, this quiet girl could have an inward heat of anger to a raging boil. I may have kept it inside but it was there. I am older and wiser. My feelings are mostly good. Anger isn't a major player. The dark brooding thoughts are sedated my God's Joy. I am in a good place so it is interesting that now is the time God is showing me something **NEW** about feelings. Maybe it is the finishing marks...
I don't know how the full bloom of this lesson flower will turn out, but the little bud has something to do with the choice of letting our feelings rage or forsaking the feelings for the Holy Spirit indwelling. It is an opposite. Do I live in my fleshly feelings or do I let the Holy Spirit take hold of me and produce the fruit of the Spirit in my life? Interesting thought!
Funny - I have a 3x5 white note card from about 5 years ago where I wrote down some scripture on feelings. So maybe I have been wanting God to speak to me on this and now is the time because I am ready to get it!!!! I tingle at the thought!!!! I love the learning but hate the fencing, the tempering ....!
.:3x5 white note card reads:.
Titus 3:2
'to slander no one; to be peaceable;
to be full of courtesy; to walk humbly.'
~walk in the Spirit - not in your emotions & feelings~
Gal 5:16-22
"Be controlled by the Holy Spirit.
The fruit will result in love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, self control."
Col 3:12
"As God chosen people, holy & dearly loved,
clothe yourself w/ compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness & patience."
I don't know how the full bloom of this lesson flower will turn out, but the little bud has something to do with the choice of letting our feelings rage or forsaking the feelings for the Holy Spirit indwelling. It is an opposite. Do I live in my fleshly feelings or do I let the Holy Spirit take hold of me and produce the fruit of the Spirit in my life? Interesting thought!
Funny - I have a 3x5 white note card from about 5 years ago where I wrote down some scripture on feelings. So maybe I have been wanting God to speak to me on this and now is the time because I am ready to get it!!!! I tingle at the thought!!!! I love the learning but hate the fencing, the tempering ....!
.:3x5 white note card reads:.
Titus 3:2
'to slander no one; to be peaceable;
to be full of courtesy; to walk humbly.'
~walk in the Spirit - not in your emotions & feelings~
Gal 5:16-22
"Be controlled by the Holy Spirit.
The fruit will result in love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, self control."
Col 3:12
"As God chosen people, holy & dearly loved,
clothe yourself w/ compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness & patience."
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
the pilot is my dad ...
I heard a story today that I just have to retell if I can.... I think is it is a true story too.
It takes place on a plane. It begins as a gentle clean flight then it becomes turbulent. Some passengers become hysterical while others begin to pray while others are rigid and stiff holding on for dear life. In the midst of the chaos is this little girl who seems so oblivious to the ups and drops of the plane. The plane finally landed and a passenger who was watching the little girl in total amazement asked her why she was so calm. Her response was "the pilot is my dad and he is taking me home."
Isn't that a beautiful response? Isn't this how we believers should feel about our own life journeys no matter how crazy or how hurtful or how lonely or how frustrating or how joyful? We have a Pilot in control and He is flying us Home. How peaceful and calming ......
It takes place on a plane. It begins as a gentle clean flight then it becomes turbulent. Some passengers become hysterical while others begin to pray while others are rigid and stiff holding on for dear life. In the midst of the chaos is this little girl who seems so oblivious to the ups and drops of the plane. The plane finally landed and a passenger who was watching the little girl in total amazement asked her why she was so calm. Her response was "the pilot is my dad and he is taking me home."
Isn't that a beautiful response? Isn't this how we believers should feel about our own life journeys no matter how crazy or how hurtful or how lonely or how frustrating or how joyful? We have a Pilot in control and He is flying us Home. How peaceful and calming ......
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