monthly thoughts of 2009

Jan: Romanced by an Everlasting Love - Jer 31:3
Feb: Faithful & True - Rev 19:11
Mar: StrongMan - Matthew 12:29
Apr: Sovereign
May: Provider - JEHOVAH-JIREH = the Lord shall provide
Jun: Perfect Love - 1 John 4:18
Jul: my Shepherd - Ps 23
Aug: Shield & Defender
Sep: Love that will not let me go - ♫ O Love ♫
Oct: First & Last - Isa 44:6
Nov: Fullness of Joy - Ps 16:11
Dec: Gift Giver

This year's theme was about God's romance for me and I found that His Names are like pet names or love names. I was hoping to focus all my love desires on Jesus so I wouldn't be so mucked up with being single. I have spent about twenty five years studying how to be a good wife, have a good marriage, and figuring out the male species. I have come up empty handed. Now if I find myself still single at 80 and some little old man wants to sweep me off my feet and marry me, FORGET IT. Nada. Never. If you couldn't make me a honest woman when I was young and I spent all my days fending for myself, you don't get me. I know that is the future and I really don't know how I will feel but here at 40, I am feeling both. I want companionship but I am so sick of what I am finding that no I don't want to get married.

Why is it that I am a responsible woman cleaning up my life and working out my issues and GROWING when a man seems to think that he can be a couch potato in full out hibernation till hell freezes over when it comes to his relationships and his spiritual life? Look, I cannot nor will I try to change a man but to sit back and see that a man zonk out, run away, or shut out issues that bite him on the nose is ludicrous! Give it up to the Heavenly Father already! Man cannot change himself but to runaway isn't working. Seek God and He will always be there. I know, the soapbox is out and I am shouting away. A raving mad old maid here. Laugh away. Low point here. {sighs} Just a question that has boiled over and is burning the bottom of the pot.

I think I need to stay here and focus on my romance with my Heavenly Father as my heart is broken and scarred. It still needs the Hands of the Master Physician to heal up my wounds. I did not feel this way all year. Crochet amigurumies has insulated my heart but for some reason it is huge right now. Maybe because someone tried to set me up and my heart went into attack mode. They had my well being in mind but even so it messed up the seemingly calm waters. So because I am having issues, 2010 is following 2009 with a Elizabeth Elliott's quote "Our disappointments are God appointments." I am seeking to use my disappointments for God. When I seek Him, He always find me.... saving me from myself!

fav hymns for 2009

* "I Know He Cares"
* "Under His Wing"
* "Sheltered in the Arms of God"
* "Darker the Night - Brighter the Light when I walk with Him"

wishes for 2010

to create a gift stash
I wish to start thinking and creating gifts now for my family and friends. There is no payoff for gift making that begins to hit crunch time. Christmas comes and goes too fast and I end up feeling badly. I also have a lot of birthdays towards the in end of the year too so I am putting my foot down. I have made some notes on some prospects on gift making already! I must be working always on a gift. When they are finished I am going to tab them with the name and the event. I am going to get a fabric cube to store these gifts that I can fold away when at Christmas. I will also work on a small stash of spur of the moment gifts where I can at a whim have a gift ready to give whenever I feel that urge. This spur of the moment gifts will be for my sister-in-law and for my mom to raid when they have that urge too. I have thought about Christmas teacher gifts my niece to give. I was able to put more thought in some of my gifts this year and would love to be more ahead on my gifts so that I can spend time on the wrap and presentation of them.

to keep creativity going
I have been like an addict when it came to creating Amigurumies and from my symptoms I want to put it to some of my other crafts. I love paper, cross stitch, fabric yo-yo's, loom knitting, and words. I want to marry all my crafts into one so that I am not lopsided! I also want to be more artsy with my craft and be able to present well. A gift well wrapped shows thought, love, and listening. I have made pom pom flowers and used sticks as stems. I want to polish this up with yo-yo flowers and butterflies etc. I want a unique vase of flowers on my desk that everyone wants!!!

to get back my kitchen table back & tame the glass
I have been struggling at keeping my table clear (on and around). I want the work space not only for writing or crafting but for what it is intended, cooking and eating!!! I want to invite my Mom over again for a bit of cuppa and cake. The cake part is a challenge too because it will have to have no sugar or flour and it might be fine for me but might not be sweet or tasty enough for others (worth a try). My glass has become a beast. I have recycled quite a bit of my glass to trim it down to just choice pieces to paint. It seems that even the small steps get me nowhere.

to write more
This was last year's wish and I did not get anywhere with it but wishing. I did read "Knit Together" which was a great boost of encouragement. I had an idea about a single girl's self help but I don't like self help. This idea is changing back to what I used to do, poetry. Sounds weird but in a world of fast maybe this is the right mode of transportation! We shall see....

to more more
This is going to be a constant wish because movement is good for any age. Crocheting is more sedentary and I don't want to lose out on weight lifting and walking. I have noticed in the past months that I was frantically working the hook because of upcoming events, I was sitting even on the weekends. I don' get out and walk in the cold but I need to get my stepper and my dvds out and movvvvvvvvvvve. Crocheting is just as great for the mind as walking but the body needs to be able to find its peace as well.

to allow 'my disappointments to be God's appointments'
For 2009 I wanted to allow God to romance me and to fear not my constant companion of aloneness and this year I want to continue with Elizabeth Elliot's quote "Our disappointments are God's appointments." To my amazement this crochet addiction I have has helped my mind and heart to stay above the issues of employment and of living this life as just me. The dark nagging voice is overpowered by the joy I found in creating little crochet toys and flowers. Turning 40 has also changed my thoughts about marriage. See I have studied and studied on how to be a good wife and to have a good marriage for two decades and for what really? I did not think I would feel what I am feeling at this age. Why get married now? I know I really didn't want kids of my own but I thought it would happen because that is what you do when you get of college and marry. Didn't happen. The choices I have are men who are dads already and that means baggage and I don't want that. What wholesome guy waited? Momma boys? and then what does that say about me....? Ok, shape up keeper!!!!! I felt that when I turned 60 these thoughts would come. Maybe by 60 I will be quite happy and very ok with the single life without still having that hunger for companionship. So here is to turning my disappointments into God's appointments!!!!

to have a faster internet at a decent fee ($20)
Hmmm, is this really a life changer wish? I waste so much time waiting for pages to load up. It takes me hours to file unemployment and downloads to upgrade my computer etc. Most nights all I can do is try to go through the mail because I am waiting to get in here to write. It takes forever to download my personal email and half the time it won't download. I don't get to do Shutterfly of Picnik because to upload and fix pixs is just a no go. Earthlink dsl is way to expensive compared to verizon but I just do not like verizon. So this year I will have to decide what to do .... free wireless coming anytime soon to this city??? I believe faster internet will help me to achieve more creativity and more writing... oh, iSlate would be nice too.....

firsts of 2009

*1st crochet piece - an Amigurumi cupcake
*1st loomed knit corkscrew scarf
*1st granny square mini Christmas stocking
*1st crochet paperclip ice skates
*1st crochet roses & other flowers - Mom likes them as pins
*1st homemade coconut ice cream no sugar
*1st crustless cheesecake no sugar
*1st homemade guacamole - don't like...

highlights of 2009

*was finally successful at my attempt to crochet!!! internet photos helped for this visual person!- jan 4th
*figured out the magic loop for crocheting Amigurumies - feb 16
*made lots of Amigurumies, pears, cherries, cupcakes, mouse, bears, kittens, monkeys etc
*work dumped lot of peeps including me .. lost my job in Accounts Payable - apr 24
*thought there would be a possibility to find a creative job but became swamped w/ unemployment
*little bro graduated from Grace with his Master's in counseling - may 9
*worked called me back for a costing job - may 26
*ate rotten food b/c I didn't realize the frig wasn't cooling. got a smokers frig for a temp but happy to have a clean fresh new one.
*got a bad sore throat - will not use muscinex ever again...
*love nutshellmail for keeping my emails and twitters organized.
*got google voice! Love having a number to use for long distance at least here in the states...
*with my unemployed weeks here in the fall was able to Niece sit when she was sick. learn some mommy instincts.
*upgraded to Snow Leopard
*vcr broke & have not been able to find a replacement w/ specs wanted
*got google wave - still need to learn to put it into use
*did my final craft show (said this the last time '07)- oct 10
*found out that the tooth pain is from a root that is so short it is close to the gum line! (cause by braces) - nov
*Mom & Dad got a new couch
*finally requested tire info b/c I am tired of low tire pressures
*got a nice new polaroid digital camera w/ 12 picixals to ease from film
*loomed knitted a corkscrew scarf - seems to be a real hit!

fav reads of 2009

*"Treasures of the Snow" by Patricia St. John (audio now must find book to read)

*"Knit Together" by Debbie Macomber (great encouragement for my desire to write)

* The Queensland Chronicles Series by Bonnie Leon
-- "The Heart of Thornton Creek"
-- "For the Love of the Land" (not available any more)
-- "When the Storm Breaks"
(wanted to read more about this particular place b/c when you know someone from there you find yourself needing more ...)

*"Chronicles of Naria" (still making my way through all his books)

fav tunes of 2009

*"Come Back to Me" by David Cook
*"Cry Me a River" by Michael Bublé (totally awesome beat!!!)
*Straight Through My Heart" by BSB
*"All of Your Life (You Need Love)" by BSB
*"Shattered" by BSB
*"A Snowflake Fell (And It Felt Like a Kiss)"

fav movies of 2009

* The Proposal
* Love Happens
* the Time Travel's Wife
* Accidental Husband
* The Blind Side *****best of show *****

Jesus Christ's gifts to me ...

My thoughts of late have been about gifts and because it is Jesus Christ birth here on earth, I have been thinking about the gifts He has given me. Odd for the One with the birthday to be the giver of gifts but 'tis true!

Jesus Christ's first and foremost gift is Salvation & Eternal Life but you know what? He saves me from myself every day! I can make a mess of things but He is always there with pure and right ways which gives me comfort and joy even if it looks like I walk alone from the outside looking in.

This year Jesus took away my AP job and after a month of me stewing around with unemployment woes, He gave me a job back in Costing. Sure, I don't like this job but I thank Him for it and try to do my best at focusing. My sister-in-law has been without a job for a year now! I've been without a job for a good bit of time back in '03 but not sure how I would have faired this time around. I could be frustrated but I am not. I am just taking it bit by bit. The next gift helps a great deal...

Jesus also gave me a crochet hook this year. I could not have figured it out without Him. I want to make Amigurumi and on January 4th of this year, I was very excited to be making my first stitches. It has become such an addition. It is wonderful to keep the brain preoccupied with creating from the worries of life. I smile a lot and feel pretty fine when a creature is made and is smiling back at me. Sounds silly? No matter. My job feeds my passion and my passion feeds my delight!

There are a million other gifts Jesus has given .... and as I sign off with just a tiny few, know that I am continuing the gift list as mental exercise ... What gifts has Jesus given you this year?

giving homemade ...

This season I have been acutely aware of the giving of gifts. I had a co-worker tell of her gift giving. She gives of what she has no matter if that means re-gifting. Money is tight, but I think this is the norm for her. I don't think I can do that because I am usually using my gifts! I think re-gifting isn't too bad especially if the gift can be used or is needed by someone else. I have to admit that as crunch time approached, I did look around my house to see if there was anything worthy of giving. I didn't find anything.... lol.

I have had quite a bit of of painted glass leftover from a craft show flop in 2007 that I used and allowed others to dip into this year for gift giving. It came in quite handy especially when I felt moved twice to give something homemade and special. Mom is always making requests and I welcome them. One of my sister-in-laws need teacher gifts for her little preschooler and of course I was quite happy to do so. I want to paint but won't because I have too much crowding my tiny kitchen. The glass stash is getting lower and I will be happy to finally see the end to it. No more mass painting for craft shows. It is too painful to have my little masterpieces go without homes. Forget the encouraging comments! If you really like, buy! Oh well. I have become very self conscious of my painting and crafting abilities. If people won't buy them, do they really want to receive them? And don't tell me that I have them priced too high. I have them at decent rates and even marked them down this year to account for the empty pockets. Grrr! (think I better hush up & change the subject!)

So it has been hard on me to paint and craft without it really going anywhere. So I have decided not to create for money but for giving. I am sick of the last minute rush I find myself every time I make a prezzie. With January being a more quiet month, I am planning the gifts I am giving this year and making a place somewhere in this tiny home to stow them until it is time. I will tag them with the name and event. I will also make 'gift-extras' for those times one might need a gift on the fly. I have been doing some mental note taking on what gifts to make for my special people and I am quite excited. My dream is to have a stress free gift giving at birthdays and at Christmas. I also want the gifts to have good turn around. No more storage of vast amounts!

I will see how my confidence is at the end of the year. Maybe I will have end my quest of the homemade gift. Oh, that will be a hard day ..

karma vs measuring cup ...

I am finding that even though I am not of the world, the world's thoughts and views creep in. This especially happens when the world view is close to our beliefs and when it is a continual drip dripping. I never was comfortable with the notion of karma and when a non-believer co-worker uses it, I decided to take this up with God's Word. How do I make a distinction and give answer to if a moment arises with this co-worker to shed the Truth. This co-worker knows some of the Word but she isn't ready to give her life over to God. She doesn't want to give up the control. She will use the Word for her own points. I am seeing this as a God lesson to quietly seek God on how to spread salt and light revealing the Truth to her.

So with karma here is what you find in the dictionary:
karma |ˈkärmə|
noun
(in Hinduism and Buddhism) the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences.
• informal destiny or fate, following as effect from cause.

I don't like the notion of karma first of all it doesn't come for God's Word and it belongs to another religion. I will not nor can I take from other religions and put it into my faith like the lasted poll says Americans are doing.

But isn't there something in God's Word that is like karma? And if there is why can't we use karma interchangeably.....? The first thing I need to stress is that we as Christians are not to think about the ''returns''. We must always repay good for evil. Our trademark is our love to not only our brotherhood but to those who mistreat us. We are never ever to think of the returns here on earth. Giving good should be like a by-product almost without thought. However, the Word does say to store up Treasure in Heaven so there is a Return.

Karma thinks about the returns here on earth. Modern day karma says it aloud as to vindicate their suffering but it is them wanting evil to come to their wrong doer. Here is where the Christian differs. A Christian repays good for evil and they want the best for the wrong doer! A Christians what this wrong doer to have it better. Just maybe this wrong doer will come to Jesus Christ.

In Matthew 7:1-5 and Luke 6:37-42 best shows what a Christian should follow and proves different than karma. This is the measuring cup:
''Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.''

I can here it now... but this sounds like karma. Well, it is about the WHOLE WORD not just part. I read this passage for my giving not for my receiving or my returns. The earthly returns are weak and broken but just think about Heavens Treasure. It is beyond my feeble thought.

This is my seeking and probably incomplete but I know I am on the right track. Always be Biblically correct not politically or socially correct....

instructions ...

It seems that my life is revolving around instructions of late. I shouldn't be surprised because I have been a Amigurumi nut case. Some have a knack for good instructions and others are lazy. After hours and hours of pouring over, reading aloud, and even writing out stitches like a math problem, I should be a pro! This should come in handy when creating my own patterns or if I should teach looming or crocheting... (I would like that!)

Often times after an unproductive night, I toss the project and start talking to God. He has helped me on figure out crochet in the first place and He continues to help. I started loom knitting in 05 and have touched base with it off and on. I have this corkscrew scarf that would be perfect for a bday prezzie coming up in less than a week. Could I figure out the instructions? I was writing out the stitches in my short hand and it just was not figuring right. I was kind of peeved as I had nothing completed which helps me get through the next day! Well the next night, I began again with the rows I understood and then filled in the other rows around it. Then it clicked. So I am well on my way with this beautiful red scarf that is curled just right. However, I think that the creator of the pattern should have wrote out the pattern in a grid so that it made more sence. Oh well, if I struggle at a pattern and figure it out, all the treasure is mine!

But I had a nightmare over instructions last week. I have this new camera that needed a SD card because it only handles up to 6 pictures without memory. That wasn't going to work! I bought the SD card and as I was headed home, the moon was full and was slightly hidden in some thin clouds. It was night and I gasped a thank You to God for such a beautiful scene. I couldn't get home fast enough to get the camera ready for a night picture. I wanted to see what kind of job it did. I followed the instructions to the T. It even had pictures with the instructions. The SD card got stuck and I couldn't get it out. A couple days later I used pliers to get it to come out. I was livid. I took it to Dad and with out instructions or my prompting him with the 'correct' way, he flipped it and it slid in and he pushed it a bit and it pops out. I was following instructions so why ignore and do it the other way? Well, so it shows that not all instructions are perfect and Dads are the best heros!

Well, when it comes to earthly instructions, don't be afraid to question it. But always remember there is only One True Instruction Book that is perfect in every way. It is God's Word and His Word is purified seven times over.

Psalms 12:6
The Words of the Lord are Pure Words,
like silver tried in a furnace of earth,
purified seven times.

me in 40+ years!

On Sunday I listen to a mid-80 year old woman speak. I was blown away! I met myself in 40+ years from now if I do not allow the world to wear me down or defeat me. I had a comment spoke of me that they had never met a person like me who is forever changing/growing. I took it as a compliment because I strongly feel that as a Christian we must never remain the same. God should be working on us and if He isn't then we have rejected His Workmanship on us. So it was exciting to see this white haired lady so exuberant over the things she is learning.

So often as I look to my elders, I see little old ladies who grump and poke at you like the one lady I hugged on Sunday who said ''I see you clipped your hair again. I suppose you get tired of me saying that.'' Ok, so why did she open her mouth. I have been spending every morning telling my reflection that I trimmed the unruly and you are looking fine. Grrrr, I have a love hate relationship with the hair and I don't need people poking at me. I keep reminding myself never grow up poking and grumbling at other people. I want to be a beautiful old lady who is vibrant and growing!

Here is some wisdom from an ever growing more beautiful mid-80 year old woman:

* discover your yes so you can say no to everything else.
* happiness is determined by outward circumstances
joy is determined my inner circumstances
*the GIFT we fail to give so often is presence
be where your body is
* joy & pain can coexist
let your pain be fruitful
*excited about being INCOMPLETE b/c that means God has to be with me.

Love that! I shall now stop getting frustrated for not learning fast enough!!!

The Blind Side ...

This movie is off the chart topping a great must see. I am a big sap and a huge believer in dreams. I root for the underdog every time. I also cheer for the down and outer who climbs up out of whatever mess he might be in and walks tall. This movie covers it all. Each character steals the show! You will cry. You will cheer. You will be amazed at the Momma instinct and wonder if you have it in yourself.

We often are sooooo busy with our own stuff and our own lives that we do not see others out there in pain. Listeners are too few among us. I don't mean just the ears either. Listeners must have eyes to see without asking. Listeners must also have no fear and a focus razor sharp. When Listeners act, they change the world.

Then there are those rare finds. A gentle giant who looks scary but is a softie on the inside. They too can change the hard edged world with their soft ways.

I got to find the children's book called "Ferdinand the Bull" and read it. It is in the movie.... so you might want to read it if you didn't have that read to you as a child or if it has been a while...

12+ stars !!!!

(p.s. I got my father to go to the movie which is a hard thing to do. Movies don't interest him much. He liked this movie and thought Sandra did an outstanding job as the mom. I had to ask my parents if they saw Tim Mcgraw in the movie and they said no. He is the dad. Noooooo! He doesn't look like himself!! Well, two thumbs up from my parents too)

my thank yous '09

* God's Word * I started with verses written out on 3x5 cards back in 2003 when I lost my job the first time. Then I learned about 'butterfly wings' where something in the Old Testament is repeated in the New Testament so I started to search out butterflies in the Bible. (p.s. our lives should reflect the Word as Jesus Christ is the Word and we should be like Jesus.) Then I started carrying a New Testament around with me especially to work. 2007 was a job description change and the learning part was hard so I would go to the Word for encouragement. Then I would read Proverbs according to the day since there are 31 Proverbs. It was sooooo alive. Now back to the butterflies the more I read the more I find butterflies. This year with the jumbled up work mess, I began to read the Bible chronologically every day. In today's world I don't see the foundations of the churches out there being very strong especially for future generations. I in way am sensing the last days more so than ever before. Amazing enough I am longing for my HOME COUNTRY. With the church thing we as a family are at a cross roads as we think the pastor is not a true shepherd. With that I am soooo thankful that I know how to read and that I have my own copy of the Word. There was a time where the people where at the mercy of the pastors - not so any more. I am sooo thankful for the Holy Spirit. Being a Christian allows my soul to be open to the Holy Spirit teaching. * crochet - Amigurumi * I wanted to make granny squares because they were little but it wasn't enough for me to learn crochet while I had my Grandma. I did pick up the looms in about 2005 to knit things like hats and scarves and purses but I noticed that something online. It was these really cute tiny crochet toys. I was envious! I always loved the small things especially small stuff animals. I had a small stash when I was a little girl and as a big girl to make them? priceless. Problem: I do not know of anyone who was willing to take the time out to teach me. Plus, once a crocheter they never seem to know how to slow done enough to teach you and there you are left struggling with more frustration. So I would look longingly at the crochet book I had. Sometimes I would try and others times I would just turn my back on it. This past January after being able to see actual still pictures of crochet I could see what loops the hook was actually go in and out of. I finally accomplished it all by myself. I don't give credit to my brain rather the credit goes to God because I get so impatient and He is so patient. I would tell Him of my struggle and in time things came together. The other thing about Amigurumi is that it has been a really fun and interesting journey that has kept my heart occupied when my work path is sketchy. * work * I lost my accounts payable job in April and was called back to work in Costing. Sadly, I do not like my job but thanking God for my job has kept my head above water. It pays for the Amigurumi path and it feeds me. I have no right to complain. May was a mess because I couldn't get unemployment to work. I must remember to use what I learned in AP for my costing job - take my issues to God and He will see me through.... * Mom & Dad * I am so grateful for my parents. I remember how Dad really was a shoulder of strength when the costing job became available to me to me. He didn't tell me that it was wrong to feel mad that I would have do costing again! I love my Dad. Mom is always the confidant and friend. Even though we can't do our Friday outings, we have been able to connect with each other when I have my unemployment weeks. She always believes in me and my craft. * sitting with my niece * My niece has been sick on my unemployment weeks so I have been able to go care for her. I was unsure about my parent skills since I have no kids of my own. After hearing a Bible teacher talk about the right way of parenting, I took this with me and found it worked. However, just inviting God in on it is the most important. * the PUPPERS * I love my fury boys. Bobby, Andy, and Tink are so fascinating to work with and to love on. Their personalities are just so animated. We brought home bags this past Tuesday. Andy loves inspecting the bags. Tink wanted his cookie so after the quiet for the cookie was over, Andy went back to the bag. His little tail stump was just moving. He was soooo frantic. Then I realized that was the bag for the bones Mom had got for them. OH Boy, every one had to have their bones with my grumping to ward off unwanted company. Too funny. * bros & their fams * I love my bros. It is good to have brothers who you get along with. They are in the midst of growing their families and it is good to see them growing up. * God * When you seek Him, He reveals Himself. Being in the Word, He is so alive! I just can't get enough. I love it that I am more in love with Him than ever before and I want that love to be more and more as the years tick by...

08 thank yous

jottings ....

Just some writing exercises I did on Monday ...

Morning
early grey
Lucia is sick
I'm coming to her
Love.


Pottery
blue white
mountains, clouds, birds
simplistic lines, calming place
Inspiration.


Quiet
whirling heater
Lucia is napping
warming up my thoughts
Brainstorming.

heralding the love truth ...

As I was waiting for the diagnosis of the front passenger tire and feeling very caught up in being a single girl at the mercy of the male and struggling with how to communicate as a God-fearing woman, I dug out my Bible memory 3x5 cards. I rested upon Habakkuk 2:2-3.

"Write down the revelation
& make it plain on tablets so that the herald may run with it.
For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end & will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come & will not delay."

The 'revelation' part scared me a bit but as I thought about it like taking a glass cup and putting it to the light to inspect the clarity, I prayed for a small revelation about my impasse over the marriage for us vs marriage for him. Habakkuk is an Old Testament prophet who had complaints that he brought to God. Habbakkuk 2:2 is the beginning of God's answer. I know my complaint is different but I prayed this verse also knowing that in Dueteronomy 29:29 says:

"The secret things belong to the Lord our God,
but the things revealed belong to us
& to our children forever,
that we may follow all the words of this law."

I had been coming across a lot of verses about marriage being ALL about the man. I was getting these feelings that I never had before that a wife duty is to totally be a servant especting nothing in return. I began to wonder if I had allowed the world's phophosy mess up God's true intent. So I prayed Habakkuk 2:2-3.

With my small request of a revelation, I know it must speak of the end. To me it means that this speaks of what is Eternal. It may take time but the revelation comes at the right time. So I waited.

My wait ended that afternoon when I was listening to a Bible teacher say that a man is to love his wife. Yes, I already know this but the Holy Spirit prompted me to go over the love list in I Corinthians 13:4-8:

"Love is patient, Love is kind.
Love does not envy, Love does not boast,
Love is not proud.
Love is not rude, Love is not self-seeking,
Love is not easily angered,
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but Love rejoices in truth.
Love always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails."

Ok, that is a huge task! Even though the woman's respect list is short but wide, a man's love list is tall but very deep. But if you are the wife receiving this kind of Love, she is receiving a ton! If she is receiving all of this, then it isn't alllllll about giving and giving ...... Yes, there are times when a woman will give without much in return but it is far better then me beginning to think that there is NEVER a return.

So here is my small revelation and I herald it. It is so easy to get messed up. Just seek God and He always reveals the answer or Himself. Don't forget there will be God-Secrets that He will keep to Himself but what is revealed is ours.

to respect your man ...

I DO NOT have a problem with respecting a man. It is a God-Command for a good union. Plus, to 'fear' God means to honor and respect. I understand the lordship of Sarah with her man, Abraham. Because of this, first on requirement on my 'man-list] is that I must be able to follow the man's leadership. If you can follow his leadership, all the more you will be able to respect him.

Here I went and read a book that explains the respect issue a bit. I agree you must respect your man's thoughts, his words, his judgements, and his actions. What was very new to me was the respecting his ''figuring it out for himself''. Uh oh! This could be a mine field! My experience has been with moody ones that quiet up or ditch you. How do you steer away from their 'figuring out' when in discussion over issues and problems? Not a clue! (BTW how do we get in trouble over suggestions when in our own issues that all we want is an ear and they are there with all kinds of suggestions......then if you get mad or don't take their advise you disrespect???? grrr.)

There was two examples of when the boys are in the figuring out stage. One was when they are out driving. They don't really want directions. They want to figure it so girls just enjoy the ride. It his adventure and he wants to share it with you. I get this. My father loves Sunday drives. We are amazed at all his know how when it comes to driving w/o maps. I have map skills and not afraid to tackle going to a new place. In fact I have travelled to a neighboring state allllll by myself w/ maps but I did it! The second example is of a man with all the entertainment components all over the floor and taking all day to hook things up. I am a tinkerer myself so there are few house projects I could do on my own so I really need to watch this. Can I ask to take up certain responsibilities w/o him getting his ego miffed? Say a wife wants the towel bar fixed in the bathroom and it goes days. The wife thinks and sees that she can fix it and gets the screw gun or the glue out and fixes it. Disrespect? Yikes. These examples are kind of on the lighter side but are very dangerous for man bashing.

But what about the super serious stuff like if the man is dealing with work issues that are beating him down? What if he turns melancholic and into a slow burn? These are issues. These need figuring out. It is sooooo hard to sit on the sidelines with a sock in the mouth in order to control the urge to burst forth with 'help'. I am so upset about this because I thought I had the respect issue down and here my whole world got messed up when I thought I had it neat and orderly.

A couple finishing thoughts....
'Anger is expressed when they are disrespected.' <-- a clue!
'Nagging and repeated requests is disrespect.' <-- a personal clue

Some personal rules I made for myself to follow:
1. Never put down - always build up.
2. Never ever tell them what to do! <-- general rule for all peeps
3. Woman is the man's helpmate - never ever the other way around.

I am so messed up because I thought a marriage union was all about the us but of late it seems it has to be all about him....

teamship ...

When it comes to marriage, I had this theory that it was a team where you had each other's back and you had a common goal (successful marriage and successful partnership). It would be work but work you wanted to do with each other. It would be a team where there was 100% give and take on both sides. There would be no trying to win over the other nor would there be stealing the show. It is a team.

However, my theory was challenged first by 'woman was made as a helpmate for the man' not the other way around. Meaning that the woman really shouldn't hope for things in the team? The second challenge comes in the form of respect. I greatly know that the Bible says a woman is to respect her man. I get that but there is a respect needed for when a man needs to figure something out on his own. For example, the taking off without directions and not nagging him to get directions. I get this. I have a father who loves the Sunday drive and just taking it in is part of the adventure. But like when he when he takes apart something or you must WAIT for him to take apart something to fix and it takes all day. You are suppose to respect him and let him figure it out with out words. Oh, and when can you take on something or fix something for the team... The third challenge is the words ...... I am quiet by nature but I am a thinker and I do need to use a lot of words and I fail here......

Anyways, I cannot give up on my teamship theory just yet but I have added another 'team' picture. It is where the man is out on the hockey rink (the sport I like more than football & greatly more than baseball=) and woman is the fan in the stands cheering on and never bad mouthing the team. Now is to figure out when it 'together we face the world' or the 'hockey player and fan' type of team...

touch, a woman's sexual desire ...

Swindoll was on the topic of King David seeing bathing Bathsheba. I know that sexual desire grabs men through visual but what I didn't know was that sexual desire grabs women through touch! Really? I am a girl I should know this! So like my typical self, I start going though my journey looking for the trigger points so that I don't fall off the edge. If you don't SAFEly test where your weak places are, you will be sabotaged. When you pick yourself up from the fall out, you will berate yourself for not living as purely as possible with your relationship with God.

So what about touch? I definitely do not like people getting into my personal space. I went though a spell where I would pull away from my own father's hugs. That was because I was a teenager just not wanting to be bother because I was mad over something. I also went through a time where wonderful perfumed granny's at church would hug on me so I decided that I would be the first to hug on them every Sunday. Problem was that I carried their perfume with me in the form of a HA. I dislike hovering of any type especially in the checkout lanes. So how is touch going to be take me down in sexual desire?

Well, I spoke of uncomfortable touch. So if I am that sensitive over my space, what if it is comfortable touch? When I read the book on the "Five Love Languages", I knew right way that WORDS was my thing and TOUCH was the farthest. However, over the course of an alone journey, touch is very important to me. (All five love languages are important in every person's life. To best love is to be fluent in all five love languages.) My word tank is a huge tank. Lets say my word tank is 25 gallons. My other four tanks would be 1 gallon. But having just one of the tanks become empty, the engine fails. Being a loner makes for a tank that needs constant care and watch or there is critical arrest.

My TOUCH tank could very well be more than a gallon. Over this life journey with my Heavenly Father what I cherish the most is His Arms! When I am at the lowest lows, I often pull the covers up tight up to my nose and turn out the lights and let the mind's screen pull up the God holding tight in His Muscular Bare Arms to the point you can't see me and to where His Heart Beat is so loud that it quiets all my troubles. So I could see that if a man ever dared to approach me in this way no matter how small compared to God's, I could be wooed. Wow, touch is a woman's sexual desire! What girl doesn't want to be protected? Arms holding you in when you are falling apart tell you that you are still loved and still cherished and will be protected. mmmmm... yessss .... touch is very desirable!

I had an experience once with a guy whose love language was touch. This was a LDR so trying to speak his love language was a huge challenge. I felt as though I really never reached his heart. I feel that REDEEMED 'touchers' need to allow friends to touch them via the mind, heart, and soul and not just the physical. Honestly, I am afraid to touch the opposite sex. (AND IT IS A HEALTHY RESPECTFUL fear because I know the dangers.) I guess I didn't realize that this healthy respectful decline of touching a male other than the handshake is a 'protectent' for my girly heart.

I am glad that Swindoll said this in passing. I really needed this mental note. I probably will have more to learn...
What about touching via words? ....

teething vamp teeth ...

To see a grey space surrounded by white teeth and white roots on an x-ray made my untrained eye strain hard as my heart began to sink. No wonder the dentist had his own mystified response. He pointed out the grey showing me the root in back nice and tall then pointed out the medium sized root then to the grey area where just a nub of a root was sitting oh so very close to the gum line. This nub of a root of course was from the tooth being banded when I had braces to fix my buck teeth. The reason for taking this x-ray was to find the cause of this mysterious pain that I have been having for a week and a half. Now with this new knowledge, I think I have been having this pain off and on for a while.

So what does pain feel like? You can touch the actual teeth without pain. It is more of an internal pain that shoots up. I couldn't isolate it very well because it seems to move around from top to bottom (crazy brain!). I have major receding gum lines due to the cement for the braces being left on my teeth and not cleaned off. Therefore the gums where irritate and pulled away. So I thought something was happening with these very sensitive teeth. To better explain the pain and what I am feeling it is like growing vampire teeth and to massage the pain away it is like wanting to teeth these vamp teeth on an iced baby teething ring. The reason I am calling them vamp teeth is because now after all the poking and prodding of my teeth, I am feeling the pain on both sides. I should have had an x-ray on the other side to see how that tooth is holding up.

What to do now? I have prescription toothpaste to buildup the teeth if possible plus desensitize the pain. Other than that I need to wait for it to die. The dental hygienist warned me that if the pain becomes unbearable to call the dentist any time of day so he can call in a prescription. Meaning the tooth has become infected and it will be time for the extraction and an implant! So it must mean I have to deal with the pain...? Well, if the toothpaste does the job maybe the pain will go away....? Good news is that the dentist can do this in his office and I won't have to pay the high fees of an oral surgeon.

to hum away my sorrow ...

I find that when my spirits are low and I am doing something that drains me even more, humming hymns are the only thing my feeble brain can do to calm the deep dark waters.  It is one of the few things I can do while I am doing something else like my job.  I have always said that I can’t do two things at once so this is true when humming an old hymn, I just cannot think of those negative thoughts that come to sabotage my life.

 

I surely will need to hum a lot today as I am stuck in a place I don’t understand … my heart is breaking … but God is my Lifeline and I will hold on for dear life…. Humming….

deep waters vs bubbling brook ...

I am quiet my nature.  Because I think too much and my tendency of not being able to do two things at once, it looks like I am tongue tied because the words running around in my head fail to trip off my tongue in a nice easy way.  This is a good thing as my foot doesn’t tend to be in my mouth.  I am also a listener where I don’t try to think of what I want to say while my ears are listening (see, can’t think and listen either!)  So when Peter tells the woman how to win her husband’s heart and soul by being beautiful through a gentle tranquil quiet heart and no words, I get it and it doesn’t seem too hard for me. 

 

I Peter 3:4

Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart,

With the incorruptible beauty

Of the gentle and quiet spirit,

Which is very precious in the sight of God

 

However, I have been hearing this verse quite a bit lately.  I am feeling guilty.  This quiet girl hasn’t been quiet enough!  I am caught striving (Prov 20:3), fretting (Prov 19:3), asking too many of the wrong questions, and not truly accepting God at His Word.  My waters have become deep and dark instead of the bubbling brook as God would have me to be (Prov 18:4).

 

I desire to be more tranquil, more gentle, more sage, more simple, more smiles, more peaceful, more still, more joyful, more God-trusting, more calm, more of the bubbling brook, more precious in the sight of God.  I may not be a raving beauty on the outside, but I aspire to be wildly beautiful on the inside.

 

*

Proverbs 20:3

It is honorable for a man to stop striving,

since any fool can start a quarrel.

 

Proverbs 19:3

The foolishness of a man twists his way,

& his heart frets against the Lord.

 

Proverbs 18:4

The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters,

the wellspring of wisdom is a flowing brook.

 

*

 

better single or together ...

So it seems there are some girls who find they are a better person single than in a relationship. They can be successful and travel and be the life of the party without being tied down. Or maybe they can be the strong independent woman without their 'these boots are made for walking' leaving tread marks over the man's ego.

Then it seems there are some girls who find they are a better person in a relationship than alone. It is like they can come to full bloom because he is her stem. She feels more beautiful... more woman... God made her a nurturer and being a wife allows her to do so.

do not grieve!

A favorite verse of mine is found in Nehemiah 8:10 "The Joy of the Lord is my Strength." Like with any learning in a believers life, our 'learnings' are like a continual theme in our lives spiraling upwards like new waves of an old truth. Today I read the surrounds verses / story to this verse! (Good to have favorite verses but always read the surrounds!)

The Israelites were mourning their sins as the Book of the Law was read. Their eyes were being open to God's chasing love for them and seeing how He continues to love them. The Israelites decided to get their lives right with God. Nehemiah seeing their sadness told them "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is scared to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the JOY of the Lord is my Strength." Neh 8

Isn't this something? Turning back to God is scared and time for celebration! Tears of sadness are replaced with tears of JOY!!! LOVE THIS! mmmmmm!

cursed blessings ...

I have been reading through the prophets in the OT. Oh, the warnings about bad shepherds have really grabbed at my heart. These times seemed to be full of false prophets and misleading teachers and those who use half truths or water down the message. I have this ache for the Whole God-Truth to be told. I want to snatch those I can from the fires.... Being a NT believer I am a priest. I must obey .... I must honor ... in a time where it is not favored...

"And now this admonition is for you, O priests. If you do not listen, and if you do not set your heart to honor My Name," says the Lord Almighty, "I will send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings. Yes, I have already cursed them, because you have not set your heart to honor Me." Malachi 2:1-9

eternal torment vs earthly suffering ...

I just want to be very clear.... We are living in an age where the Message is misrepresented and misused. I am sitting in the pew squirming and having a rebuttal well up in my outraged heart. Ink is running as fast as I can move it across the paper.... I am an English Major and if what was preached today was on an Essay Test, I would have to give it an F for the lack of comprehension. I was floored that this 'shepherd' had got this out of the passage of Scripture!

Luke 16:19-31 is about the Rich Man and Lazarus. The sermon was about compassion we should have. Her question was how are we like the rich man lacking compassion for the beggar at our gate.

Lets just boil this Scripture to the very core! This is about eternal torment vs. earthly discomfort. If you want to preach about compassion using this Passage then you better be preaching about God's Saving Compassion for us! Like my Dad has said that it is like the church wants to make everyone comfortable in the pew so lets not talk about sin and hell but what about saving them from the burning fires of hell?

I could go on and on about what this scripture means in such detail to exhaust all possible meat one would be able to glean from this Holy Word but it would never touch on how we are like the rich man lacking compassion for the beggar at the gate. There are other great passages on giving human compassion. What comes to my visual mind is a so-called shepherd at the gate of the fold of sheep pacifying us with fake water. Where is her compassion? I have a co-worker that I am trying to plant God-seeds in her life. All the church is providing is junk food? I want Living Water!

This year I am most thankful that I can read and that I have the Living Word to read and that I have the Holy Spirit guiding my heart and soul..... We must be watching! We are called to be the Watchmen! We must tell the Truth every time we hear the half truths. I was bursting at the seams with this.....

valued & loved ...

Ravi Zacharias told a beautiful story today that I wanted to keep in my heart but most importantly to share it with a co-worker who gets weary being a devoted divorced mom to two high functioning Autistic boys. Plus, another way to share God to her...

Ravi was flying somewhere and read about a silk school in Japan. He was so intrigued by the story of one boy who wanted to weave waves of silk to cover all the oceans. Ravi decided to check out this school for himself. He discovered that all the students of this silk school were Down Syndrome kids.

Ravi got to meet the young man who weaves waves of silk and other artwork. He also got to meet the mother. This mother was so proud of her son and conveyed a very moving story. Foreigners are willing to pay top dollar for his art and this young man is excited to had over every bit of it to his mother saying 'thank you for being here. With you here, I am here to make this art and give this money to you.'

Ravi goes on to say that we are here as well because God values us. How heavy is that? Am I living, giving, sharing, delighting with a God-Joy that I am eager to rightfully give God the credit? Do I truly know my worth to Him? Or am I in the mud mucking about? God gave His Only Begotten Son to pay for my sins! Huge value placed upon my head.... Am I giving Him honor in all that I love to do? and even in the mundane stuff?

( I hope I remember the story right. Must remember to get the podcast to hear it again.)

Ravi Zacharias

Love Happens ...

I would rate this movie a 9. It is a movie about pain and moving through it. There is love thrown in the mix but what was nice about it was that there was no bedroom scene. The main character is an author who wrote about his personal loss of his wife and how to move through it but it is all a lie as he will not face his own fears head on. Then you have the girl who is a bit quirky with her really cool flower shop. She is like a breath of fresh air and not pushy or needy. Her van is cute. What got this English degree was her love for words (poppysmic) and special notes on her flower cards. (Love her graffiti words!)

It takes place in rainy Seattle, Washington so you will get to see the sites like the Space Nettle and the place where people leave their chewed up gum. I had seen something about this somewhere and so it was cool to see it as a backdrop in the movie. Oh, it isn't gray movie due the rain because there are sunny days too.

This is a must see movie. It is enjoyable. Aaron Eckhart is becoming a favorite actor. Beautiful story. I guess it is a chick flick or a love story but I think it a bit more.

disclaimer:
Language could always be cleaner. How we waste our language.

'o-tay?'

I spent four days with my little niece who has pneumonia. She is two years old and has a great imagination. I totally enjoyed her imagination as I didn't have to come up with something new for her. She always had something new to pretend. One afternoon she made me ice cream. She was saying big words like strawberry and vanilla. Her 'o-tay' was so addictive that I had to mimic her! While doing a potty break, we where playing with spiders. We were walking mommy spider, baby spider, and daddy spider down the wall, across the floor, up the waste basket, and over to her. We played in the kitchen and colored. She is a talker!

On the last day, I was a bit tired because of getting up early and a 45 minute drive to her house. So having her fall asleep in my arms for her morning nap was very delightful. Another delight was to hear her say 'I like you.' What a beautiful child. It helps too that I can see me in her.

It was also nice to have God show me how to 'parent' and then allow me the workshop to see it work.. We have muddle up parenthood that I had become quite frustrated with the whole thing. I felt with some of the baby-sitting I did as a teen and later with teaching that I just wasn't a leader and plus way to strict for this generation thing.... but these four days have shown me that with God, I can be a good parent...

seeds for the sower ...

I think this is the verse I am searching for in my seed sowing with a co-worker....

"Now may He who supplies seed to the sower, and bread for the food, supply and multiply the seed you have sown and increase the fruits of your righteousness..." II Cor 9:10

I have been listening to this co-worker of mine make statements some in favor of God and some statements in disbelief of the Word. When I hear these half truths, my heart stirs up and I feel moved that I should stand up for God. I am not one who likes a discussion. I just don't do that well at all. Most times a discussion feels like a fight and I don't want that here.

I have known for a great while now that you cannot tell someone what to do and found a book that showed how asking the right question honors another and makes them do all the work! I have used this on myself with good results but have not much practice with others. So I have talked with God about my co-worker and have practice asking questions with God. Now to wait for her to bring it up again.

I listen to BNN (you can listen too anywhere in the world also in 8 languages). As she sat down to chat, good ol Adrian Rogers was talking about sinners. She just started talking about the church class she went to on Wednesday and the spiritual journey they where discussing. So I began with my first question ... 'You believe in God but you feel that the stories of the Bible are embellished?' She would talk and then I would ask more questions where I saw the half-truths. She allowed me to think and ask questions. I know that isn't normal!

I do believe she is seeking but the answer to one of my questions was that she is not willing to give over the controls to God to be her Lord, Master, and Saviour. She feels that God is gracious enough that He will take her confession before her death.... Yikes! Works keeps coming up and I keep telling her it is a gift....

I greatest hope that my questions nag at her heart so that she is uncomfortable with her place with God and that she will do something about it. I know the Message can be a stench to the unbeliever and a fragrance to the believer (II Cor 2:14-17). I don't want to turn her off to God. I don't want to come off that I know it all ....

I need your prayers for the 'seed' to increase and bloom....

Rest on Thee

1. We rest on Thee, our Shield and our Defender;
We go not forth alone against the foe;
Strong in Thy strength, safe in Thy keeping tender.
We rest on Thee, and in Thy Name we go.

2. Yea, in Thy Name, O Captain of salvation!
In Thy dear Name, all other names above;
Jesus our Righteousness, our sure Foundation,
Our Prince of glory and our King of love.

3. We go in faith, our own great weakness feeling,
And needing more each day Thy grace to know:
Yet from our hearts a song of triumph pealing;
We rest on Thee, and in Thy Name we go.

4. We rest on Thee, our Shield and our Defender:
Thine is the battle, Thine shall be the praise
When reigning in the Kingdom of Thy splendor;
Victors, we rest with Thee, through endless days.

http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/881

The hymn sung the night before Jim Elliot and the other 4 missionaries went to visit the Incas and were killed.

This is my first encounter with this hymn and I want to keep in close to my heart. Now to hear it sung or to find the music notes …

me a Tree of Life???

I remember back to my Geometry class where you build upon the equation till you get the answer. I think that is true with God's Word. Truth built upon truth.

I found a butterfly = Proverbs 11:30 & Galatians 5:22-23! (God repeating Himself OT to NT / mirrored images like butterfly wings). My first thought was an excited wow and it like proving a Geometry problem...

1. The Fruit of the Righteous is a Tree of Life,
and he who wins souls is wise. ~ Proverbs 11:30

2. ... the Fruit of the Spirit is
love, joy, peace,
longsuffering, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, self-control ... ~Gal 5:22-23
-----------------
So the Fruit of the Righteous is the living out of the Fruit of the Spirit.

So if we are living a pure and clean life in the fruit of the Spirit,
then our pure living is 'Life Fruit' for the unbelievers
and can bring them to the Saviour....

I love this! As I go to work and see the broken lives of certain people, I wonder at how I can reach them. I bring this to God asking for strength with my feeble words. Yet, maybe this living the Fruit of the Spirit is the best outreach where my words fail.

I love how God works because when I seek, He always finds me and delights me with Treasure...

When You said, "Seek My Face,"
my heart said to You,
"Your Face, Lord, I seek."
~ Psalms 27:8

lost ....

When I woke up yesterday I wondered what I would feel being it was September 11th. With feet on the floor to begin a new day, I wasn't feeling much but as the day wore on and I let my mind travel back through the memories. What really made me weepy was the relationship lost. I remember clearly that day was a day you wanted to make sure all the loves in your life was accounted for and you went down the list checking off their ok. One particular relationship I had to wait a while because he was reachable. He did check in but his habit of checking out littered our relationship until today he has checked out for good.

I am not one who goes into a relationship for a reason or a season. I view all my relationships as lifetimes or at least I try. As a believer, I think we really should understand that we touch other's life for a lifetime. We will see the 'brotherhood' in heaven. I doubt very much this comes to mind but it should! That is why I still pray for this 'brother'. I shall see him one day. I don't know what that day will hold. I had wished for arms outstretched and big hugs around but I just might think of the missed riches we both could have had. Or maybe just seeing the power of my feeble prayers working out a strong faith in him will wipe away all wistful tears.

So yeah, yesterday was full of prayers and tears for a personal lost on a day of national lost. Through it all I 'talked back' that I am not alone and that my Foundation is Sure. I am loved and sung over. I am not alone! And it is a lifetime endurance run. Don't forget to keep the eyes on the Eternal....

humble messenger....

Little bro was talking about guilty he has been feeling since he didn't give his left over doggy bag at the request of a homeless man when he was up in Chicago. We live in a different time. We are more protective and yet as believers we are called to give. It is a war within every time we see a 'begger'. One of the first questions that come to mind is this real and are they out to take...

So every time little bro and his wife are out and see someone asking on the street corner, they try to give. It happened again on a street corner on their way home. They felt bad that they only had $3 dollars to give and came back to give more to find her gone. He told us the story and was upset about it.

We don't live in a big city and it is a rarity to see someone with a sign on the street corner asking for money, food, or a job. Times have changed. We were at 18% job loss now 16%. More and more we are seeing a empty hand put forth asking .... I think it is time for an envelope in the bag or car with money to come to the aid... to be prepared to give to Jesus....

Anyways, it is interesting when a message comes to you with a messenger who is humbled... not from a messenger who is out for keeping glory to himself...

Dad's Heart ...

Message received. A value in Dad's heart isn't pumping like it should. Mom said the name. Will have to write it down so I can do some research but my parents have been online (dial-up & cell off) researching themselves so I can't write down the name until tomorrow. All I know is there is surgery and both are meeting with a specialist on Wednesday.

I am not sure what to think or feel. I had a very interesting discussion last night with God. It was good. It was both ways and not just me.

Psalms 27:14
Wait on the Lord;
be of good courage,
& He shall strengthen your heart;
wait, I say, on the Lord!

Psalms 28:7
The Lord is my Strength & my Shield;
my heart trusted in Him & I am helped;
therefore my heart greatly rejoices,
& with my song I will praise Him.

Psalms 31:15 & 24
My times are in Your Hands ...
Be of good courage,
& He shall strengthen your heart,
all you who hope in the Lord.

Psalms 33:15
He fashions their hearts individually ...

Psalms 57:7 & 8
My heart is steadfast, O God,
my heart is steadfast;
I will sing & give praise.

Awake, my Glory!
Awake, lute & harp!
I will awaken the morning.

Psalms 61: 1&2
Hear my cry, O God;
attend to my prayer.

From the end of the earth I will cry to You
when my heart is overwhelmed;
lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.

Psalms 62:8
Trust in Him at all times, you people;
pour your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Psalms 73:26
My flesh & my heart fail;
but God is the strength of my heart & my portion forever.

I love the words of King David. What encouragement! God's Word is MIGHTY!

watchman ...

As I journey my middles path of life, I am feeling more and more weight and attention needs to be spent on whether or not I am being good salt or good light. The urgency to go and to tell of Jesus Christ is getting to a fever pitch. It isn't about actually leaving country and home to do so but to be the light and the salt here right where I am because it is getting darker and darker. The lower lights have burned out.

A good title for my life job is WATCHMAN. I have always been intrigued by this word especially when I would read it in the Psalms. But I found a great piece on this job description in Ezekiel 33:1-9. This job comes with weighty responsibility. If you don't warn those you are in charge over then the destruction that comes will be on your head but if you warn and the countrymen do not heed that warning then it is on their head!

My life touches other lives at work. I see the dangers in their lives. I must speak up and sound the warning. My life job is to spot the lie and tell of God's Truth. If they don't heed, it isn't me they are slapping in the face but God's face..... Still the warning must go out.

I Corinthians 16:13
'WATCH, stand fast in the Faith, be brave, be strong ..."

sleek & strong ...

I love reading about me. You know the stuff where you get an inside look to who you are and what you can be. What better place to learn about yourself than the Bible. Here I don't have to go through what worked for someone else. Rather the Creator of me is the One telling me about myself. So what was I reading?

I was reading about sheep and the Master Shepherd in Ezekiel 34. The Master Shepherd has a slow burn against shepherds who look out only for themselves and do not seek to care and heal the flock! This is scary for today's preachers. Too many of them want church to feel good but as my Dad pointed out 'why make them feel comfortable in church if they are going to burn in HELL?' I do have to take this to heart as NT states that I can go into the Holy of Holy Place. My High Priest is Jesus Christ. So I must remember my responsibility. I am a sheep keeper too. Am I muddying the waters? Heavy responsibility.

What really caught my eye was how the Master Shepherd takes care of His Flock ... "I will search for the lost & bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured & strengthen the weak, but the sleek & the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice." Sleek and strong? Whoa! But you know sheep are not known for their strength nor their sleekness. In fact I would go so far as to say a sheep that is sleek and strong is in impostor.

I do love the sheep passages maybe it is mostly because I love to read about my Shepherd and His Great Love that he has for me. I do what to see Him smile in delight over me. I love His Strength. Often I bring Him my weakness hoping in His Strength.

butterfly = Psalms 23 + Ezekiel 34 + John 16

What is gentleness?

Mr. Aggression strolled into my day and I was taken aback. I thought I completed my tasks to a tee but Mr. Aggression who does not know me made a very bad first impression of himself and was ugly in an email. Now it was my move. Knowing I should just cover it and go on, my tongue wagged instead to the resident Talker. She told our boss and told his boss. ARgh! Why couldn't I keep quiet?

Feeling small, I got out the Fruit of the Spirit for polishing and as I polished them for better absorption in my system. As I drew in the Scriptures for each Fruit, I had to look up gentleness as I don't believe I knew the difference between it and kindness. I now have Gentleness polished and figured out now the task is to display it in my life.

“Gentleness is chivalrous & quiet in nature, having a gracious (covering) & honorable manner to soothe, calm, & tame agitation.”

Does your anchor hold?

robert said...
I see you posted the hymn "My Anchor Holds" some years ago. It caught my attention this morning because today is the 95th anniversary of the death of William Martin, the author. I trust that in your own life your anchor still firmly holds. God bless.
Sunday, August 30, 2009 8:44:00 AM

keeper said ...
Ah Robert! YES, my Anchor still holds more firmly than it did back in September 2005! When my life gets out of whack or I am feeling low, I turn to the Word of God to fill up on the Joy of the Lord. What an Anchor! As I have aged, all that satisfies is what is True and Solid. That can only be found in God and His Word...

The old hymns ring so purely in my heart's ear. Thank you for stopping by. Your simple comment has boosted my weary blog days =)

My Anchor Holds
©

sunshine & persimmon ...

The final push started with sunshine yellow and persimmon orange yarn sat in their own bins but beside each other. There in the local craft store the dots where lining up. The fact she likes purses, color, and fall is coming all made my decision easy to make yet I dragged my heels because I have no confidence in what I make especially a new concept.

I started with the loom several years ago when it made knitting easy for me to teach myself and make it a go. I made hats and scarves but this year my little bro got me a knitting book on purses. I have been in such a craze with my crocheting Amigurumi that this really cool book has been sitting in the corner of my mind marinating waiting for me to make a commitment. I love purses and bags so why not try to translate the knitting instructions to the loom. I already have some loom books and online resources that will help me come with the translation...

I decided on a wave pattern using a loom of a multiple of 12 stitches (green loom with 36 pegs). The wave was 6 rows of at least 12 stitches. I saw a white ribbon with yellow, orange, and a rose color so I was going to do the purse in orange with a stripe of yellow with the rose in the wave. When I took it off the loom, I saw a mistake and I didn't like the rose wave so much and I didn't like the excess yarn in the back so I took it apart and started again. I also made it smaller with about 40 rows. The stripe is still yellow but without the rose wave. I am not sure if I will put the rose yarn in there as an accent or if I will use the ribbon. I took a black and white checkered bandana and made a lining I will sew inside. I have yet to finish it. I am crocheting round circles for the flap. I will either crochet or loom knit a strap. I am thinking of embellishing the flap with flowers and yo-yo's. I hope to do all this tonight!

It might be wishful thinking on my part but I think it would be really cool to make a Japanese Amigurumi patterned mouse to nestle in the bottom of the purse for an extra little wow factor to the gift..... Time is running out! Or maybe I should do the Japanese Amigurumi patterned fish as it would fit the wave theme of the purse! I don't know! If I keep 'dinking' around I won't finish the purse!

Her birthday isn't until the 13th of September but we are celebrating tomorrow with Dad's birthday last week so I really want a completed project!!! Oh, remembering to take a picture would be topping on the cake! Funny, I don't care for orange but for the right kind of orange I shall make an exception!

empty or full?

There is a well in a quaint little town. Two buckets wait on the ledge of this cistern to be of service to the thirsty townsfolk. As they draw up water, one bucket comes up overflowing with good clean water saying, “I am full only to be emptied.” The other bucket goes down into the good clean water saying, “I am empty only to be filled up.”

God's Gift ...

Dear Heavenly Father,
You know I have been struggling with the lack of words. Words that might have been said to show Your Light, to be salt, to be a witness. Yesterday when she was questioning the validity of Your Word, I bubbled forth. It may have been 2 sentences but I had to say the truth.

I could not have done this without the daily intake of Your Precious Word. Thank You for Your Ever Present Help.

It is never about offending another but it is about offending You and about holding true to my love relationship with You. I want Your Face to delight over Your little girl expressing her love for You even if it is a stench to the unbeliever. It is a lovely fragrance to me and a very precious treasure.

''It is a gift for us to take.''

Just a simple sentence for You. I ask for more little steps even if I am a shy girl quaking in her little flip flops because this GIFT of SALVATION is too great to keep to myself. I want others to know YOUR PEACE...

always Yours

lacking words ...

Words can be tied up in a ball lying in the dark corner of my mind. Words sometimes just vanish in thin air like a bubble drifting away on a spring breeze. Words can shout within my 'mind cave' at a deafening pitch but I am the only one hearing as others babble on. Words can be silent until I am alone and tumble around me like 100 beach balls falling down the stairs at me who is crouching at the bottom. Words sometimes just don't mean a thing or maybe they are just so treasured that I don't want them to be diminished by careless hands like those who touch butterfly wings.

Please words - make peace with me... I won't hurt you. I am the one who is hurt... I have not forgotten you amongst my other passions and crafts. You are my first love. Please don't desert me like all the others have. Without expression, I shall wither and surely die. It is harder and harder to breathe....

get bug ...

Last month I bought 'Amigurumi Two' online because of the best deal found and the lack of local craft stores having it or allowing for discount. I also got two other packages in a week's time. I think I got bit by the online-packages-by-mail bug! When my quest to find "hana-ami flower loom' and yo-yo flower makers bottomed out, I got fed up from of making trips and having to come home frustrated.

So I thought that I would allow for a purchase this month for a Knitting Board book that only can be gotten online. Then next month I would get Snow Leopard & the 'hana-ami flower loom'. Then maybe I would stop because of the holiday season that is coming up quick and the pennies needing to stretch out a bit.

Problem - I was talking about the Chronological Bible I began reading in June to my little bro. He got excited because he wanted to try reading the Bible that way. I was going to give him the info but then I thought what a great 'just because' gift for him! However, one thing leads to another - especially when I begin to do comparative shopping between stores. I start putting in other little things in the search box like the Queensland series by Bonnie Leon. I was going to read them from the Library but what are you to do when you can get two of the books for 2.99 each?

So my list grows longer, the finds add up, and the bank empties! Ahh, one thing adds to another. I just need to reign myself in here and behave! So I bookmark for a later date and off I go to dream and scheme.... O, maybe that is the problem! Like all morning I have been thinking of a purse design for a prezzie for my niece in sunshine yellow and persimmon orange yarn. Wondering if I can pull it off and do it in a weeks time!

projection?

I am a learner by nature. Not only do I take my own personal lessons but I take what others say and even their journeys and internalize them so that I can learn w/o all the drama and pain. All good but there is something I came into this week that has me take a step back first before testing it in my life to see if there needs to be a change or not.

I have noticed that people project their paths onto me. I had one person say that I was not honest enough. I have come to realize that this is probably an issue this person has not dealt with in their own life. Why would this person leave without a reason? I call that not being man enough and honest enough to explain ones action!

Another projected her internal conversation with someone that she is having a problem with to so she can practice what she is going to say to that person. She went on and on about how it builds up the negative and when the actual conversation happens it isn't that bad. Well, my internal conversations are NOT like that. It just 'erks' me that people think and put there own stuff onto me.

Another was just talking about shy and how parents can have an influence on it in a bad way. OH Boy! Not something to say to me because I am shy and I had spent a good part of my life trying to change it. Plus, being out of sorts with my life at the moment, I began to internalize it. Then I realized that I need to step back first and figure out if people are projecting or if it is really something I need to address....

To be successful at this, I must bring the pain to Jesus. He will then become my Protector and Teacher.... not man...

what is wisdom?

Oh boy! In this day in age a believer must stay in the word at all times! One of my biggest blessings that I have been thanking God for is the ability to read and have the Bible for myself! I do not need to take someone else's word for it. Over the past few years I have really dug myself deep within the Word. I am more alive than I have ever been. At any time that I feel down and out, my first steps is to the Word. I have been more aware of God's steadfast care and love than I have ever felt before.

It is a sad thing to see a so called shepherd of the flock love Jesus Christ, the servant do-gooder, more so than God the Father who is often described as a jealous lover in the Old Testament. You cannot have one over the other. You may not fully understand one aspect of God over the others but it is a must to hold to all parts of the God-Head. All religions except for a born again believer dismiss Jesus Christ as a prophet but to dismiss God the Father blows my mind. But I am blessed with a good father. I have no problems believing in God the Father. Yet I yearn especially for the men who had bad fathers but are fathers themselves to really look at their own good father feelings they have for their children and see God the Father.

I have gotten off the path of where I was going. I don't know how to address this...

James 3:13-18 was the scripture and what really jerked my chain was the fact that it was called 'Wisdom of Jesus Christ'. I am sitting there with my Bible in hand testing what was spoken. See I firmly believe that good works is a bi-product of my faith not something I should be told to do over and over again. James is telling us what the fruit/good works looks like not telling us must do this if you are to have a saving faith. Faith must come first! God has said over and over again that a good person can do good things but it will amount to zero if there is no Salvation! James said that there is a wisdom that does not come from above but in Proverbs the opposite of wisdom is folly. You must watch what you say and you must use the whole Word not just the NT.

I love how God speaks to me through His Word. While James & Wisdom was being misrepresented, I was in Proverbs 9:10.
"The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom, & the Knowledge of the Holy One is Understanding." {{I can hardly sit still!}} There must be honor and respect that is so lacking in this age. There must be a quiet in order to hear His Whisper! But what do you find? A lot of excess NOISE and spinning. You cannot do anything unless you are filled up! Isn't this what has been said to the mothers? {{feeling the need to pace}} You cannot fill up on God when there is so much distractions. When you haven't searched God in His own Word and do not have an intimate relationship (salvation) and you go out to do your good deed, you are only vainly bringing glory to yourself.

After a family discussion and a week to mull over this wisdom - works thing, I hope to process my thoughts here and come up with questions. Questions are the way to learn.
Q1: What comes first - works or wisdom?
Q2: Is James telling us what kind of works gives us wisdom or is James describing the wise by what they do?
Q3: How do we become wise? good works or coming to feet of the Almighty God & reading , learning, & obeying Him?

Adrien Rogers put it in a nice formula:
faith that knows
+
faith that grows
+
faith that shows
='s
fruitful.

Fruitful is a bi-product of our faith. That is how others know you are rooted in God! And our fruit will bring God glory and not ourselves.


As a believer we must TEST EVERYTHING & HOLD TO WHAT IS TRUE
(I Thess 5:21).

Julie & Julia

I would give this movie an 8. I did have a higher number in mind but I just cannot make myself read the book. I have taken two peeks and have landed on parts that are not to my liking. Crazy but that is me.

What made me like this movie is because the story rings true for me. I am a decade past Julie but I have been struggling with making a go of my dreams. Julie is a girl of 30 at a depressing job and her friends are successful. Talking it over with her husband, she decides in 365 days to make 500 something recipes and blog about it each day. Her dream to write is on the inside just wanting to bust out. This true story has a happy ending of a book and a movie as a cherry on the top.

The movie is two stories intertwined yet telling one story. Both Julie & Julia wanted to find something to do. They choose cooking. And in the end found themselves! It is not just a story about these two women but a story of their relationship with their husbands. I found this side path very warm and delightful. It goes to show that not only behind good men are good women but that behind every good woman is a good man. I long for that but single girls can make their dreams blossom too, right?

I recommend one Kleenex for this movie if you find yourself with dreams wasting especially if you are a frustrated writer like me. However, most are going to find it a happy story which it is indeed. It just struck a chord with me and has been intensified to where it is deafening. I have been going around trying to figure what I can do in 365 days to transform my own life!

I was amazed at her blog journey. Of course it is a happy moment to find good and friendly commenter but does that really exist in the real world? I guess so but it not in my blog world which makes me wonder if maybe I am not a good writer after all. Then her followers started to send her food items! What? Wow! Now that must be a real boost. {{Sighs}}

I am thinking that it might be a movie for my library...

Julie & Julia

***There is one parental disclaimer. The fword is used once.

©

the Potter's wheel ...

Jeremiah, the prophet of God, was told to visit the local potter shop to observe. The pot on the wheel was marred and the potter punched it down to start over and create a pot better suited. God asked His people if He could not do as the potter? (Jeremiah 18) We are to be moldable in His Hands but how often do we find ourselves fighting God and deliberately lowering the His Royal Standard and His High Calling upon us?

God tells Jeremiah to buy a clay pot and take some elders and priests of His people out near the Potsherd Gate. This place is the place where God's people defiled their commitment to God by prostituting themselves to other gods. God had Jeremiah throw down the clay pot and as it laid there shattered in pieces, Jeremiah told of how God would smash His people just like the clay pot that cannot be repaired. (Jeremiah 19)

I have been reading Jeremiah of late. Again God is harping on the issue of idol worship. It is like He is shouting because I have come to part of the Word and day after day of reading it is about God's jealous lover's wrath upon His people. The wrath is horrid! Being a first born, lover of rules, and fearful of authority, I cringe at their stiff neck! Then I look at my place and time to figure out where my own idol worship might be. If God is shouting here and I am just like every other person where lessons are hard learned and often repeated in our lives, I better be listening and taking heed myself.

The Church also needs to take this warning to heart as well. We have dumbed down the songs and dumbed down the pastors. We would rather be like everyone else much like the Israelites who wanted to be like every other nation (I Sam 8:20). This should be a warning! Our 'Sabbath' really needs to be viewed as a wedding ceremony / marriage commitment. Our standards need to be raised high because we have a HIGH CALLING. (Phil 3:14) Much is expected from us... I want to be a pot of honor (Rom 9:21).

in His Hands

vanished ...

Interesting story about a girl who met a boy on a blind date 59 years ago. They fell in love and were engaged. The boy gave her an engagement ring and went off to the Korean War. She sent letters but the letter were opened, read, and were sent back! She figured that was the end and started a life with another man. When her husband had died, the daughter looked up her mother's old boyfriend. Amazingly the old boyfriend was found. He too was a recent widower. They started up their relationship again and got married. She goes back to her home to get her clothes and comes back to find the guy is gone. She is devastated.

I can say I understand the feeling of lost, wanting an old love back, and possibly reuniting. I know because I have had a special someone up and disappear without giving a reason.

However, I know life is a journey. There is so many steps taken without that person and so many changes in my life that how can I expect that person to be the same person if I have grown and changed myself? All I have of this person is the very limited years when we exchanged correspondence and calls. Years have gone by and I still think of looking him up. It isn't really to reconnect but to check up on him to see how he is doing with his life. I hope he would recognize me and welcome me and yes, start up the old dialogue but that is wishful thinking. {{sighs}}

All I have is the guy I once knew. All his dreams, hopes, and his life stories. So I treasure them and shower him with prayers. That is one connection that will never go away - he is a believer. We will meet one day. I had only hoped to add many more memories here on earth before we crossed to Heavenly shores. Leaving him in God's Hands daily...

Maybe this is a reminder that it takes the other person to choose you back in love's equation. Maybe there is something wrong with the other person and God knew best then as well as now this isn't a good gift for a life time but just a good gift for the moment...

my bitter cup ...

.:| Notes from Chuck Swindoll |:.

1. For every disciple there is a purpose to fulfill.
2. For every purpose there is a cup to drink.
3. In every cup there is pain & suffering to endure.
4. Through every pain there is a victory to claim.

John 18:11
Jesus commanded Peter, "Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?"

Whew! This is pretty difficult to take. It is often my tendency to fight. Wanting to make it work. Trying to grasp it. To learn. Oh, so hard but if Jesus Christ can do and is with me in whatever cup I am to drink, I can do it. {gulp}

Psalms 16:5-6
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

crushed

reflecting ...

journal gene: If I would give you the wish to tell your 20*something self about the now*you, would you & what would you tell her?

me: It would be very tempting to want this wish granted! I would tell her that there has been no 'the one, no house w/ a picket fence, no love & roses... because maybe she would not have wasted time trying to figure out how to be a good wife and live her single life with a lot of gusto not caring about man's affections. Maybe she could stop the duplicity but I think it would have broken her heart and so, I would say no I do not wish to tell my 20*something anything. Wellllll..... maybe just to tell her that there will be very hard lessons ahead that will be bitter but to keep her heart soft & keep learning... Joy will come to you...

journal gene: If I would give you the wish to ask your 80*something self about your future*self, would you & what would you ask her?

me: It would be very tempting to want this wish granted! Right now I am stubborn enough that if I draw the love card in the next 10 years, I don't want it because I have always wished for the love through the ages... I could easily ask if love came but that isn't wise. And I don't want to know if I would 'fall in love at 80'. I could not comprehend that at this time. I guess I would want my 80*something self to tell me that there will be very hard lessons ahead that will be bitter but to keep on keeping on with keeping my heart soft and keep holding on to Joy. Joy is the greatest companion. And, never ever stop learning...

80yro self: {shaking head} "Oh, girl. Please get over that love thing! Let the God who created you and all of your passions love you! Keep your little hand in His huge one. Be passionate, delightful, and Joyful! That is enough!''