Heaven...

... is where all doubt fades away and all good gifts and God-Currents are exposed. No doubt. No fear. No disbelief.

... is an adventure and a discovery. The Mystery is unveiled and I get to see the Great Workings of the Almighty in my life as well as all of history. I will be an expectant learner soaking in all the details He used to show Himself to us. I will be able to see, nothing will be hidden. I will never tire of discovering Heaven. I will never get enough...

My God is an Awesome God!

gone?

She went back over her treasured emails from him in search of January 2002. She is taking stock of her connection with him to see how far they travelled and to see where they were back then. To her surprise {which she shouldn't have been since it was a pretty common occurance for his disappearances} there is a 9 month gap from Oct 16, 2001 to July 11, 2002! Sure he had a lot going on ... bringing his kids home...

Why was there sadness that she didn't know this man sooner? Why did she even bother to make steps to keep connected to him? Why did she feel compelled to get to know him and to bare witness to his dreams and to cheer him on? Why did she feel in her soul that there was much more here then a casual earthly connection? Why did she feel she needed to survive him? Why did she feel the desire to be in his presence? Why did she feel the need to prove that she was trustworthy and a Redeemed Eve? Why does she feel so haunted? What is up with not saying good bye?

{NO, please don't say good bye! Please get your act together! Please look into my eyes! Let it go! Come back here and face me like a man! You know in the deepest part of your soul that I will respect and honor your journey and your warriorship! Don't go with your mind here ... come to me with your heart and soul bare! Feel safe! I have continiously given you over to God. Yes, every day if not every moment because I just can't let it go... I am waiting on the Lord. I am trying every day to be of Good Courage... my heart is weak ... but He will strenthen my heart ... just like He will do for you!}

my prayer epiphany...

1) Declare His Attributes
...... His Storehouse is overflowing. He can't wait to bless His expectant child
2) Pray the Living Word
....... find a verse with a promise & pray through it
3) Claim the Victories
........ this gives you Good Courage, your belief & faith strengthen, gratitude bubbles forth

FYI:
Remember that when you request prayer for another, that it is their prayer, not your own, and should be respected. Updating the request is courtesy ... no not a requirement sence we have an Intercessor who translates our very moans to the Father. However, when you fail to update the request, you withhold Good Courage from the recipiant and from those praying. Prayer is an intimate journey with our Lord... don't hinder ....

Do you want a strong heart?

"Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage and He shall strengthen thine heart."
~ ps 27:14

Destiny Grace...

part I :
This past year I have come full circle in prayer. I never knew how intimate my talks with God would be! I believe we have to claim victory as part of prayer.

"Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage and He shall strengthen thine heart."
~ ps 27:14

I did not have the opportunity to pray for this young life, but I do get to rejoice in His Almighty Works...
Take heart and have good courage.....
rcd from email of a co-worker

I don't normally send stuff like this out, but this is such an amazing miracle that happened in my home church that I have to share it with others. When you get a chance please read and enjoy the awesome power of God and what prayer can do ! ~joew

Subject: Destiny Grace

Dear Sisters and Brothers,
In a real sense, every baby born is a miracle, and someone wiser than me has observed that every baby born is a sign that God has NOT given up on the world!

Yet, among such miracles and signs of God's love and grace, Destiny Grace's short life has offered especially potent evidence of the same.

Destiny's health was in crisis by the time she was born the afternoon of January 26. Her heart rate had been falling and as soon as she was born, the professionals at Elk General Hospital did all they could to get her breathing and her heart beating. To no avail, it seemed.

Word went out to family and church that Joe and Teresa had lost their baby girl and Bethany's prayer chain was started.

When Destiny's mother, Teresa, awoke from anesthesia a couple of hours later, (husband & father) Joe M was holding their baby girl and Teresa knew by the look on his face that something was wrong. Joe told Teresa that their baby was dead.

Teresa said she didn't believe it, that their baby wasn't dead. Joe gave her to Teresa to hold. Teresa says that she felt breath and a heartbeat. And then she heard a squeak. Still recovering from the anesthetic, Teresa gave their baby back to Joe and quickly, having overheard the conversation, a nurse came and took the baby from Joe.

But nobody else knew about that, yet. I got to the hospital to offer support and sympathy (between 6:30 and 7 p.m.), and waited and visited with the rest of Teresa's and Joe's family. About half an hour after I got there, Joe came into the room with the amazing news that their girl was breathing and had a steady heartbeat!

He invited Jessica, Zachary & Tyler to come and see their baby sister before she was transferred to SB Memorial Hospital for further tests and evaluation. Each of the children got a polaroid picture of
their little sister.

On Friday (27th), while Teresa was recuperating at Elk General, Joe and a sister-in-law who is a nurse went over to SB Memorial to see the baby. The baby girl has continued to breathe steadily and to have a regular heartbeat.

Today (28th), Teresa was released from the hospital and, of course, she was going with Joe from there to SB to see Destiny Grace (who, by the way, weighed 6 pounds, 3.9 ounces, and was 19.5 inches long). Today, Joe said that Destiny had had a couple of seizures, but that they seemed to have stopped. The doctors and specialists want to do some more tests to assess Destiny's physical and mental condition. There are some questions that just cannot yet be answered.

But whatever the future holds, we have been granted a glimpse of a power that is greater than death. We have been given reason to hope in the face of whatever may come.. An awesome power, an irrepressable force of life has brushed by and blessed our lives..

I hope that all of us will ponder this miraculous turn of events in our hearts. (Because many live all their lives without so close an experience with the power of God!) Let us thank God for His Awesome, Amazing, goodness at work in the life of the M family, and the Bethany Church family!

And I urge that we all continue to pray for the life and health of Destiny Grace, for Teresa and Joe and the rest of their family as they wait for test results and as they wait to bring Destiny home.

Thanks for your part in the caring and praying ministries of Bethany Church. Never doubt that your prayers can make a difference! The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective (James 5:16)

With appreciation,
Pastor Tim

part II :
January 31st Destiny Grace is now resting in the Everlasting Arms of God. Just because her time here on earth was very short and a fight, does not mean the mystery of Destiny Grace is finished. To fight the stack of whys, I see things visually...

The Heavenly Father was there with Destiny Grace as she made her entrance. He was there cheering her on as she fought to surface and breathe. He grabed her tightly to Himself as she slipped through that veil between earth and into eternity. It is a very serious reminder that life is a gift and it is fragile.

Earthly hearts are so weak yet as this small bundle of girl passed through our lives, the Heavenly Father is still here with us as our hearts break. He promised and He delivers.

'I the Eternal God is your Refuge and underneath are My Everlasting Arms. (deut 33:27) I am He who will substain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will hold you up and I will rescue you. (Isa 46:4) Wait on Me; be of Good Courage because I will strengthen your heart. (ps 27:14)'

In my own words Destiny means 'a path taken'. Grace can mean lovely or it can mean the pardon God has given us to take. {Swindol mentions that Grace is one sided ... a simple reminder that I can't do this life on my own. I must lean on Him}.

Our Heavenly Father designed life to be an adventure and a mystery that He unfolds. Even when huge voids rip into our faith, He is there holding me tightly unto Himself. What an awesome assurance to hear His heart beat for me...

'wounded beauty' ...

Shame enters in and makes its crippling home deep within our hearts. Shame is what makes us look away, so we avoid eye contact with strangers and friends. Shame is that feeling that haunts us, the sense that if someone really knew us, they would shake their heads in disgust and run away. Shame makes us feel, no, believe, that we do not measure up - not to the world's standards, the church's standards, or our own.

Word were said, painful words. Things done, awful things. And they shape us. Something inside of us shifted. We embraced the messages of our wounds. We accepted a twisted view of ourselves. And from that we chose a way of relating to our world. We made a vow never to be in that place again. We adopted strategies to protect ourselves from being hurt again. A woman who is living out of a broken, wounded heart is a woman who is living a self-protective life. She may not be aware of it, but it is true. It's our way of trying to "save ourselves."

The problem is our plan has nothing to do with God.
fr: ch 4 'Wounded' - "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge

The King is entralled by your beauty.
~ps 45:11

Dearest King,
I have vowed to never be exposed!!! He has ripped open the forever wound of mine. I hate abandonment! I know I have a choice to pack up and leave or to stay and bloom. I was searching for what to do.

Thank You for exposing my old ways and suggesting Your Plan for me ... which is beauty. I will bloom drawing from Your Spring that will NEVER run dry.
~ always your beautiful wildflower

'prayerwalking' ...

... means taking a walk to pray. Our minds often wonder but by taking a walk you line up your mind and your heart to commune with God.
fr: word of mouth about a book called "Prayer Walking"

I often prayerwalk as I go to work or doing the daily tasks around the house. Yes, it is very true that I often just want to hug God after chatter up a storm with Him.

word sleuth: 'hopium'

what makes her attractive?

*e³=excitement + enthusiam + exuberance
*positive action
*monster smiles
*keeping of dreams
*creating passion
*DELIGHTing & SAVORing!!!
*Joy
*gratitude
*affirmations
*appreciation
*contentment
*declaring His attributes
*claiming victory
*enjoying

'Be faithful in the small things
because it is in them
that your strength lies.'
~Mother Teresa

leaning ...

Fear not, for I Am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I Am your God.
I will strengthen you & help you;
I will uphold you with My Righteous Right Hand.
~ Isa 41:10

I will hold you up, God says. But as long as you lean on someone else, you can not lean on Me. As long as you lean on some other thing, you won't lean on Me. They become substitutes for Me, so that you aren't being upheld by My Hand.'

When you lean on another person or another thing, your focus is sideways, not vertical. Human crutches paralyze the walk of faith. fr: Bedside Blessings by Charles Swindoll

Dear Heavenly Father,
I think I should have a Master's degree on leaning by now. With each passing year I have walked alone with You, I begin to think maybe I have not totally learned how to lean? Looking back over Our steps together, I treasure all my personal indepth learnings and I would not trade them in for loniness in companionship.

Yet as my heart yearns for male companionship and his warrior love I need, I cannot seem to grasp why a teamship can't lean on You together. Marriage is a teamship. Like in hockey you have to depend on your fellow team members to be there as you pass the puck to them when you are in a jam. You also depend on them to block and take the heat off you when you're in trouble. You trust that they are working out. You trust they are comitted to the putting the puck in the goal. You believe they support you. Kinda sounds a lot like leaning....

In my future I am looking for a team member who will continuely point me towards You the Goal. It is a union of two people becoming one. Teams members with one Goal in mind ... always lean on God. Is there a companionship in my future where our union would reflect and lean on You? If not, I know I won't want so I keep leaning here and now in my singlehood. Leaning on You, I have Companionship.

Thank You for Your Everlasting-Arms. Thank You for believing in me. You are refining my heart and my inside beauty. I have had an one-on-one learning where if I had a teamship, I would have missed out on the blooming of me. I can say that the real me is showing and it was done with the gentle care of Your Masterful hands. I am full of gratitude. Yet, isn't the next step forward a union leaning on You? for a fullness and full circle of my character?
~ always your little girl

Spurgeon: bass & melody
distilled: solitude vs loniness

two wolves ...

A Native American grandfather talking to his young grandson. He tells the boy he has two wolves inside of him struggling with each other. The first is the wolf of peace, love and kindness. The other wolf is fear, greed and hatred.

"Which wolf will win, grandfather?" asks the young boy.

"Whichever one I feed," is the reply.

'hopium addict' ...

... one who looks on the bright side of life ... their bottom line is a happier and longer life!

word sleuth: desperado

she likes me ...

She likes my brain. She excepts me as is and it feels good. 'The thing I really like about her is that she regards me in better light than I regard myself ....sounds loco I suppose, but because she really likes what's in my head, I feel real. I mean I feel like I have some value to another....and I don't have to make it up in my head to feel OK.' We seem to be a lot alike so maybe that is why she seems so comfortable.

I have told her my record with women. Right now the women around me are in the 50-60 age range, so it is nice to be able to converse with someone my own age. 'I have lots of walls, especially with women, but it's something I want to open up to a special woman...... I want to open up to her because I see quality, and I have decided to make her special personally to me!'

She brought up the men and their caves. Should the female go into the cave? She made an apology for writing so much and I told her repeatedly to keep the writing up ... they are like birthday presents to me. 'I think she listens better than I do, and she probably gets more information off the page than I do......'
~fr: jan '03 emails

So true, I love your brain and I love your spirit. I love your dreams and I so want you to go for them. I like that we have this comfortable feeling between us. Sure we are alike but there is something Eternal about us. That is what keeps us. It was totally God who had our paths meet. People are one of two things that are Eternal, so our relationships are very important to keep. My connection with you runs deep and true and I keep in my top 10%. I know I will never find another like you. You are very cherished and I am rich because of you.

I have looked forward to being the 'woman' ... the Redeemed Eve. I feel your mistrust of females and rightly so. But I didn't want to be like the others. I wanted you to see the God-Reflection. But I can't seem to hold your attention for very long.....

I do soak up meaning. I am always watching for the nuanses and patterns of life. I see depth everywhere. I am always listening for God's Still Voice. I pour my thoughts out in the written form. Your strength is in the spoken. My vision is different yet useful for the wide and deep of things. I like sharing this part of me with you because you get me. It can give your voice strength as much as you have given to me. I have written .... but as time has laid out ... I have written too much.
You're gone...

pezzi: what's inside?

This is My Father's World ...

This is my Father’s world,
and to my listening ears
All nature sings,
and round me rings the music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world: I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
His Hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father’s world,
the birds their carols raise,
The morning light, the lily white,
declare their Maker’s praise.
This is my Father’s world:
He shines in all that’s fair;
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass;
He speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father’s world. O let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the Ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world: the battle is not done:
Jesus Who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.
This is my Father’s world, dreaming, I see His face.
I open my eyes, and in glad surprise cry,
“The Lord is in this place.”
This is my Father’s world,
from the shining courts above,
The Beloved One, His Only Son,
Came—a pledge of deathless love.

This is my Father’s world,
should my heart be ever sad?
The Lord is King—let the heavens ring.
God reigns—let the earth be glad.
This is my Father’s world.
Now closer to Heaven bound,
For dear to God is the earth Christ trod.
No place but is Holy ground.

This is my Father’s world. I walk a desert lone.
In a bush ablaze to my wondering gaze
God makes His glory known.
This is my Father’s world, a wanderer I may roam
Whate’er my lot, it matters not,
My heart is still at home.
~maltbie babcock
(expression he used when starting a walk
"I'm going out to see My Father's World")

The heavens declare the Glory of God;
the skies proclaim the Work of His Hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display Knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
~Psalm 19:1-3
''Where is God? Why is He so silent? I need to know ... I ask and I hear nothing? Am I wrong? God, why are You so silent?'' These where the questions I often asked until I read a book called Windows to the Soul by Ken Gire.

I was soooooo wrong. God is always speaking. I hear God in a moment where it stands still to me as the rest of the world spins by. I hear God in a movie, book, or painting where a slice of humanity has been poured out into something I can hang onto. I hear God in the dreams and struggles of people around me. I hear God it in a simple natural smell like citrus or a spice like cinnamon. I hear God in the beautiful landscape He creates for my enjoyment as I race to work every morning. I hear God in the simple plant growing in one of my pots. I can no longer say He is silent.

I watch Bob Ross every saturday morning. He is an oil painter with a soft voice as he teaches you how to paint. When Monday morning comes I am looking with painter's eyes to see how the Creator painted His world today, my heart bubbles with Joy as I see God in a whole new way.

Thank you, Lovely, for this verse. Like always you bring me the choicest of His Meaty Word. {sooo perfect} The last part ''...there is no speech or language where their voice is not heard...." struck me! When I visited London I remember most was the glorious golden winter sunset. I still carry it with me. God spoke to me in a different land and I understood it. Yes, I understand English. {wink}. But when you arrive in Columbia, the sunrises and the sunsets will still speak to you. You will hear God with no Spanish required. The people will still speak to you. You will hear God with no Spanish required. The food will speak to you through the prep and smells. You will hear God with no Spanish required. What an Awesome Creator!

This is my Father's World.... He speaks to me everywhere!

Bass & Melody ...

"The Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad."
- Psalm 126:3

Some Christians are sadly prone to look on the dark side of everything, and to dwell more upon what they have gone through than upon what God has done for them. ...

It is true that we endure trials, but it is just as true that we are delivered out of them. It is true that we have our corruptions, and mournfully do we know this, but it is quite as true that we have an All-Sufficient Saviour, who overcomes these corruptions, and delivers us from their dominion.

" The deeper our troubles, the louder our thanks to God, who has led us through all, and preserved us until now. Our griefs cannot mar the melody of our Praise, we reckon them to be the Bass part of our life's song, "He hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad. " ~Spurgeon

Dearest Lord,
You are the Deep Strong Bass and the Gentle Moving Melody of my life. May I be a sweet, sweet sound in Your Ear.
~ your little girl

Spurgeon: His bank notes

excited by who I am! ...

Be excited by who you are!
dr phil
Via the radio I heard this was his first tip for dating. After a thought or two I figure this should be the first tip for life in general! After a few more thoughts I figure this is a solution to ''Don't Waste Pretty''. Sometimes you just don't know how to begin.

What makes you attractive? Savor and delight in that. It is one big circle. I am excited about painting and writing. That excitement makes me attractive. I am definitely not going to waste this Pretty on moping even if it was the last man on earth!!! Finally full circle, you are exciting to be around.

Yeah, easier to say in a heated moment .... but well worth the sweat and tears. I like myself. I didn't use to. I am even learning to be kind to myself. I used to beat myself up and every once in a while you can still see me mend a bruise or two. Sometimes I wonder when my full circle moment will come. In good times I see a beautiful reflection and I smile...

love a quote: achievement begins with belief!
don't waste pretty

2 beloved labs...

A sheriff was making his rounds in the rural country side when he noticed a light. He went into the corn field towards the beam. Being a chilly evening in winter, who would be out here with a light? It is a sure bet the sheriff's heart was beating faster and probably had his hand resting on his gun. No way .... no, it can't be! Here it was a lab holding a flashlight in his mouth. Beside him was another lab laying over an unconscious man in efforts to keep his master warm. Then the sheriff then noticed the diabetic wristband. These two labs saved their owner by their sacrificial love!
centerville, in, usa

Isn't it fascinating how our beloved pets have this gift of love for their master tucked inside their little furry spirit! Looking at my own beloved Bobby and Andy (sure they love their massages and tummy rubs), there is something of heaven in them... What an Awesome Creator to think us and wrap up these special furry gifts!

moment captured: totally foxy!

keeper of dreams...

'Achievement first begins with BELIEF'
my dearest friend,
I so believe in you and the man you dream to be. I see all of your dreams and I can't wait for them to unfold for you. I believe in your passions. No one .. not even the everyday work ... can hold you back but you. Stand tall!!! Fly!!!! I have listened with a tear in my heart. I am a dream keeper .... I've got yours and I send my KingdomMail to the Almighty often on your behalf. Believe the dreams you have whispered to me. I do!
~ always dream-keeping

my dearest girlfriend,
I am so excited for you. You dreamed a dream. You made your steps. Sure unbelief made his ugly visit every so often. You fought back hard. You are strong by the Everlasting Arms holding you up. You believed. Faith and trust is hard lessons, but our Teacher is Ever-Faithful and fully Trusted. I am a dream keeper.... I've got yours all laid out in my KingdomMail. Know you are well kepted!
~ always dream-keeping

love a quote: hands in His

totally foxy!!!

The morning greated me with a crispy chill in the air as I looked into the blue inky western sky. The fading full moon was dressed in a white shimmering sheet. His glimmer was peeking though the clumpy clouds.

Futher into my morning commute the dark slate clouds where expressive in their still movement against the pink blush of the sunless sunrise. With pure delight I whispered my gratitude to my Awesome Creator.

However, He wasn't done!!!! He topped it off with something like red lightening darting across the road into a broken down corn field .. destination the small patch of trees. I stared real hard through the half light. The coat was red. The tail bushy and about as long as the body. A small white tip on that tail. A small but very fast animal. Could it be? Haven't seen one in the wild ever! It had to be .. a fox!!!!

What a great love note!

moment captured: being with goats

real time vs casual time ...

It has been a long troublesome intrapersonal study of why I react the way I do to some relationships. Like why I am not a jokester or why it hurts when people say they are going to do this and then don't or why it breaks my confidence when some makes a joke on me or why I feel pushed and I come fighting back or why do I listen and get no listen in return ..... I have found a layer of learning:

real time:
* Every person's dreams and life journey is important enough to listen and support. Every comment and inflection is real. Every moment is real. There are boundaries to keep and respect. You can be playful but no playing jokes as they can damage their very soul. Life is a journey and those moments no matter how exciting or painful, should be cherished. Smiles and laughter comes from enjoyment and delight in companionship. Real time is a really deep relationship with another with no abandonment. Like in the movie 'Shall We Dance?', 'to have someone to bear witness to your life' journey .. to know your growth .. to know your beauty .. along every step .... is sooooo priceless!!!

casual time:
* not wrong just different than real time. Just another way of dealing with relationships. In fact we often have both kinds in our lives. Here the relationships are where we can pick up where we left off no matter how long it takes to get back to each other. Laughter is more a way to survive life. No need to be crushed with worry. (but what is really happening on the inside?) I really need to point out that all of our relationships should start out in casual time. Never go to fast!!!! A relationship needs to develop into real time on all four levels ... Are they physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually there for you? This is something I would teach my girls....

These are just thoughts sorted out in two piles so that I can deal better. I am deep. I experience moments with real time. I laugh. I delight. I am balanced. I am excited about my journey and growing is the mystery unfolding in me. I often struggle with how casual people are.... and I am learning ....

my1st layer b/t real and casual

what is really wrapped in a package?

Back in 2003 she sent us a Christmas package that arrived the same day we had gone to Sydney. I sent my son to the post office when we got back. In his phone call he said they only keep packages a week. I told her I was sorry but the package was on its way back to the States. However, my doubts started to kick in and I made two phone calls. The later one was a bit of silence then my son bursting in laughter. Ah yes, my son has a wild sence of humor.

After I opened the gift I poured out in an email how intricate her paint strokes and the beauty in her artwork. A whole year few by and emails, letters, and phone calls piled high along with my unrest with my work. Christmas 2004 package came. Getting the kids together at one time proved difficult. She finally asked in January about the package. I want on about the kids responses .... son rolled his eyes ... daughter asked if we where going to have Christmas tree next year for the ornaments....
fr: jan '03 & 04 emails

Yes, I remembered being introduced to his son's sence of humor. I went to bed with a sick feeling in stomach that night ... realizing my package was being sent back. However, all the butterflies where tranced by his email describing my artwork. I am always nerveous about others reaction and especially his. I glowed in his praise.

Christmas package 2004 was totally different. Even though it was more painted artwork, there was a very huge message behind it. I felt it was God leading me with a book and the ornaments I had painted. I was soooo anxious to get his response. I just knew he would get it.....

I waited and waited. Nothing..... I finally asked and was broken by the total miss....

pezzi: meat vs water

cash in His bank notes ...

"Do as Thou hast said."
- II Sam 7:25

God's Promises were never meant to be thrown aside as waste paper; He intended that they should be used. God's gold is not miser's money, but is minted to be traded with. Nothing pleases our Lord better than to see His Promises put in circulation; He loves to see His children bring them up to Him, and say, "Lord, do as Thou hast said."

We glorify God when we plead His Promises. Do you think that God will be any the poorer for giving you the riches He has romised? Do you dream that He will be any the less Holy for giving Holiness to you? Do you imagine He will be any the less Pure for washing you from your sins? ...

Our Heavenly Banker delights to cash His own notes.

Never let the promise rust. Draw the word of Promise out of its scabbard, and use it with Holy Violence. Think not that God will be troubled by your importunately reminding Him of His Promises.

He loves to hear the loud outcries of needy souls. It is His Delight to bestow favours. He is more ready to hear than you are to ask. ~ Spurgeon

Dearest Master Teacher,
I use to tatter my prayers to You. They often where angry tears and lashings. Not to long ago in my readings the author suggested that prayer should be Declaring Your Attributes. As I began to simply declare, I found a promise tucked within the scripture that I would use.

My spiritual journey has taken flight. I have found fellowship with my christian kinship even when time and space keep them from me physically. I have found a deeper inner peace with You. My faith grows deeper. I 'see' You more clearly... most precious riches to me.
~ your little student

Spurgeon: continue in prayer
cashing in: safe!

'safe' ...

"The name of the Lord is a Strong Tower;
the righteous run to it & are safe.
prov 18:10

My WatchTower,
I run to You ... High where their mean words cannot reach and cut. I run to You. My heart is safe from the unconscious stampede of bulls. A Strong Tower so Mightly and Secure that no one can break through and tear me apart. I run to You. Everlasting Arms hide me and I can shut out the noise. You wipe my tears of pain and frustration. No one sees me like You do. Like the empire making his call, You shout out safe and wave the Arms. Game over. She's safe!
~always running to You

being with goats ...

I have been watching this black and white cat socialize with a herd of goats on this farm I go by on my way to work. Goats are goats in herds and always trying to get to a higher place than the others. The cat is usually blending in by sitting near them. Its a game for me to pick out the cat because his coat blends in so well.

To my surprise today the cat was NOT sitting near them looking to the horizen. No, he was standing with another goat on a huge spool (their tall mountain) looking like he was one of them. Well, it sent my mind to wondering why the cat feels so at home with these goats.......

moment captured: pupinator kisses

balance of faith and state ...

Should politics and church be separated? Should we leave God out of our mental tasks? Should we keep the Almighty out of our laws? Who was the first LawMaker? Who giveth Wisdom? If you love God, can you really keep Him out of certain areas of your life? Should you even think you can keep Him in a corner? If you do so, are you really honoring God?

Aren't we to love God with all our body, mind, heart, and soul? Shouldn't our thought process be under God's guidance? Shouldn't we beseech (pray) God for Wisdom in all that we do? even our work and politics?

No matter how much America's founding fathers provisioned a separation between church and state, they could not separate God from their politics. Their true intent was to keep radicals from enslaving organized religion upon the peoples who yearned to be free. To be honest they found a balance of faith and state. Can we?

desperado ...

* meanings include: criminal, outlaw, gangster, bandit, villian, crook ...
* some words to the song:
''your prison is walking this world all alone''
''let somebody love you before its too late''
How often do we rob ourselves from healthy connections with people? How often to hold hostage ourselves from the very people who love us and support us .... unconditionally? How often do we wonder around hoodwinking our ownselfs ... telling lies and believing them? How often do we steal happiness because love has done us wrong in the past?

Love heals ... but you have to believe it ... and embrace it!

'Once you have experienced love, no matter what form, it leaves a huge imprint on your life'

{ to me that is priceless! }

hands in His ...

"God is going to reveal to us things He never revealed before if we put our hands in His." ~ George Washington Carver

love a quote: compassion is the stuff of life
Lovely's Light my path
Lovely's revelation...

a Mighty River ...

In this day and age churches are more focused in growing numbers. Mega-churches are to be desired. More flash and bang, more building, more loud noise...

I am a little person of quiet nature. I get a bit edgy when I hear growth in the way I do. I am getting shut out of church more and more. Church never has been kind to me through the ages. Yet, I continue.

As I was praying last night for today's service, I wasn't sure of the request that was made. So I kinda went on a tangent with God.

Dear Almighty,
I've been thinking about my attitude and what I would like church to be and trying to see what You are saying. I believe very strongly that church should be a river moving. Strong current of You flowing. You are the Living Water and coming to You, one never is thirsty. We as the body of the church should reflect this. Each person's dreams and purpose would be used. We wouldn't get caught up in numbers or our wants.

Thank You, Lord, for journeying with me as I struggle with church. Thank You for being my Living Water. May I reflect You...
always your little girl

'brain attack' ...

I attack your brain by taking away the blood source. Fatty deposits (atherosclerosis * ) can block blood's passage or a vessel can break or leak precious blood supply(aneurysm **), leaving your brain cells to die. Through this damage I cause you to loose functions, like speech, movement, and memory. I can strike small that you barely notice me leaving you weak for my bigger strike.

You better get to know me. I am the numbness or weakness that you feel in your face and limbs. I usually favor one side. I am the confusion in your brain and I am the troublemaker in your speech. I am the trip in your step. I am the dizzymaker and unbalance is my game. I can cause you a severe headache. I am the nausea and vomit is my aim. I am the drowsiness you feel. If you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol, I can befriend you easier.

I am a Stroke. If you don't want me to disrupt your life, you need to take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, and find ways to manage your stess.

* Ischemic stroke, the most common type
** Hemorrhagic stroke

more info on stroke

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

1) Ask the individual to SMILE.

2) Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

3) Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. .. It is sunny out today)

If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

last note ...

It is human nature to seek out our loved ones last words, to know their thoughts and wishes before they passed to the other side. We feel lucky to have those parting words whether from a phone call from a doomed plane or a scribbled note tucked in the pocket of their clothes. If we don't have those last words, we seek for a journal or letters ... something for a token of their presence.

Why is it that we seek after the death for their parting words? Why aren't we seeking right now for their words? their dreams? their purpose for life? These days we have so many tangble ways to express ourselves.

I am a writer. This need has been there since I can remember. I have often thought maybe someone will find my writings a treasure. Often the fantasy was someone like me would stumble upon my work and devour it. Their imagination defying time and connecting with mine. Stuff of movies I say!

However, as I have discovered the new 'in-thing' or the 'it', blogging is my way to send out my 'message in the bottle'. Someone can discover it now! { in fact someone has } There are a precious few loved ones that I wish would read now, but time steals away their attention. My solace is that these words will remain here waiting ... maybe when they are seeking for my last words they will remember their way.

To honor the Sago miners and their families, leave your last words scattered around now. Your presence matters ...

Eternal two left on earth

meat vs water ...

I loved her meaty emails. I cannot not stand fluff or 'a-lemon-maringe-email' as I would often refer to the fluff. Her emails would provoke me into a 2-4hr email in response. With my life I often find it difficult to find the time to really focus in and send meaty emails back. I just could not keep up...
fr: jan '04 emails

{ Meat! I loved his emails ... the meaty ones ... and the playful ones. Yet, we all need water ... plain old boring water. You can survive longer on just water than food. I wanted water emails, too. Simple boring droplets of water ... letting me know you and your journey. Just keep the pipeline of communication open.... can't there be a negotiation? There is no meat left ... let alone water ... }

pezzi: 'teamship'

'teamship' ...

I loved our emails ... communicating back and forth. She actually listened to me which was a new experience. I often opened up to her. She never tossed me out on my ear. I gave her a compliment that no matter what, she was the type of friend that a year could go by without word and we would still be able pick up right where we had left off ...
fr: jan '04 emails

I have enough friends where I can miss out on their daily grind and come back in months, picking up where we had left off ... all good no doubt. Yet, I am a person way to deep for my own good. I am not the same person I was 3 years ago let alone yesturday. I am always growing and learning. I would love to be able to share this intimate journey with another without the leaving. I make no apologies.

I am not looking for total 24 hour communication. My definition: communication = 7% verbal + 93% non-verbal. Reality of this is 'teamship' ... sharing travel and supporting each other for the long haul. This does not allow for absolute absence.

It should be a compliment if I find you a treasure enough to want this teamship with you. All of my family and friends are highly valued and in my top 10% but it is lacking when all that is expected from it is causal connection. The richness and high life for me is a travel companion for the sharing of the ups and downs on this amazing adventure. Where is the aged companionship these days?

nourishment or killer ...

I keep you alive, strong, and healthy. My meats, vegatables, and fruits supply you with protein and vitamins. I nourish your blood that pumps through your being. I can give you means to be lean and active. I make you feel good and full. I have lots of variety from sweets, sours, salty, or spicy to keep you interested.

I can kill you slowly. Too much of me in one area can undermine the life you lead. I can take your eyesight or your legs if you cannot control my sugar attacks to your body. I can cause you pain. I can cause allergic reactions and zap you dead in an instant or I can slowly torture you with an extreme headache. I can cause your stomach to eat itself or rip through your bowels like a roaring fire. If you don't get me at certain times, I can make you mentally crazy or weaken you til you pass out.

I am food. I keep you alive or I can kill you. You must take control ... it is a life long battle...

expectant attraction...

As she gazes deeply in the mirror of her soul, a question comes. What would be attractive? An 'expectant excitement' ... it describes one being passionate. There is a glow and a sparkle in the eye. Anyone would want to be close this electric energy. Pure beauty ...

waiting w/ good courage...

''Wait on the Lord;
be of good courage & He will strengthen thine heart.''
~ ps 27:14
* * * * * * * * * * * *Dear Heavenly Father,
You mean it? You will strengthen my heart? I surely will test You on this... but I have and I continue to wait for word of a mother's earthly life... Did she make it? Did she get to celebrate Christmas and make plans for the New Year with her family? Is he alright? Is he selling melons again this year? Did You Taketh Away?

My heart goes out to the coal minors' families that are waiting on word of their loved ones caught underground from an explosion. They wait and wait... Faces devoid of emotion... Eyes always searching... Hearts pounding in ache... waiting for word... It certainly takes a strong heart!

'Be of good courage' ... (bravery, faithfulness, daring) ... good courage means to me 'mustering up strength .. unafraid... Best way for me to do that is 'look full in Your Wonderful Face and the things of earth will fade away...' I feel soooo weak and weary ...

I am tucking this Living Word in my heart. I am testing You and being of good courage... ahh, waiting too! I long for a strong heart.
~always your little girl

to wait
my Anchor holds

he asks what if...

What if she was a Gift to me? And life consumed me so much that I missed out on companionship for my journey? What if she was Trust clothe in a womanly skin? And I threw it away because all I knew was the lies, abuse, and baggage that all the women in my life caused me? What if she was Love? And I deranged it by walking away? Would that Love come back and Love me again? What if she was my Soulmate? And I hushed her faithful spirit? Would anyone believe in my dreams and my life purpose? What if she was what I Needed? And I refused to be filled? Am I to walk forever empty?

What if I told myself lies like love and marriage would never again grace my home? What if that very love and marriage was what would heal me? Would she have me back? Would she let me try to disentangle myself from my life..... or would she be the one to rescue me from my own entanglement?

How about I give up what is not working and humble myself? How about I be strong enough, manly enough to give up my foolish pride? How about I ask her back? Think she would have me back? She really did have my back.... How could I have let her go?

happy new year ~ 2006 ~ ...

I dosed off right when the ball dropped. I wasn't feeling good physically nor emotionally. After having our early deep freeze and beautiful snow, we had two weeks of grey upon grey days with the sky crying. So when today began with a golden blush, I had a happy sigh!!!

With every ending there is a beginning. Beginnings are what we create them to be. We can be excited or anxious, hopeful or down. I can only choose excited and hopeful. Enough with the old, I want new. I want ... ahhh Peace!

For this year's theme I have choosen Beauty. I am inviting lessons on living my singlehood with lots of confident Beauty that blooms inside out. God, I am inviting You to impact my life with Your Beauty. I have already done some traveling down this path, but with loss I want a new and brighter beginning. ~ always your little girl

"Continue in prayer."- Col 4:2

It is the breath, the watchword, the comfort, the strength, the honour of a Christian. If thou be a child of God, thou wilt seek thy Father's face, and live in thy Father's love. Pray that this year thou mayst be holy, humble, zealous, and patient; have closer communion with Christ, and enter oftener into the banqueting-house of his love.

Pray that thou mayst be an example and a blessing unto others, and that thou mayst live more to the glory of thy Master. The motto for this year must be, "Continue in prayer. " ~ Spurgeon

Spurgeon: ''I will strengthen thee''