monthly thoughts of 2009

Jan: Romanced by an Everlasting Love - Jer 31:3
Feb: Faithful & True - Rev 19:11
Mar: StrongMan - Matthew 12:29
Apr: Sovereign
May: Provider - JEHOVAH-JIREH = the Lord shall provide
Jun: Perfect Love - 1 John 4:18
Jul: my Shepherd - Ps 23
Aug: Shield & Defender
Sep: Love that will not let me go - ♫ O Love ♫
Oct: First & Last - Isa 44:6
Nov: Fullness of Joy - Ps 16:11
Dec: Gift Giver

This year's theme was about God's romance for me and I found that His Names are like pet names or love names. I was hoping to focus all my love desires on Jesus so I wouldn't be so mucked up with being single. I have spent about twenty five years studying how to be a good wife, have a good marriage, and figuring out the male species. I have come up empty handed. Now if I find myself still single at 80 and some little old man wants to sweep me off my feet and marry me, FORGET IT. Nada. Never. If you couldn't make me a honest woman when I was young and I spent all my days fending for myself, you don't get me. I know that is the future and I really don't know how I will feel but here at 40, I am feeling both. I want companionship but I am so sick of what I am finding that no I don't want to get married.

Why is it that I am a responsible woman cleaning up my life and working out my issues and GROWING when a man seems to think that he can be a couch potato in full out hibernation till hell freezes over when it comes to his relationships and his spiritual life? Look, I cannot nor will I try to change a man but to sit back and see that a man zonk out, run away, or shut out issues that bite him on the nose is ludicrous! Give it up to the Heavenly Father already! Man cannot change himself but to runaway isn't working. Seek God and He will always be there. I know, the soapbox is out and I am shouting away. A raving mad old maid here. Laugh away. Low point here. {sighs} Just a question that has boiled over and is burning the bottom of the pot.

I think I need to stay here and focus on my romance with my Heavenly Father as my heart is broken and scarred. It still needs the Hands of the Master Physician to heal up my wounds. I did not feel this way all year. Crochet amigurumies has insulated my heart but for some reason it is huge right now. Maybe because someone tried to set me up and my heart went into attack mode. They had my well being in mind but even so it messed up the seemingly calm waters. So because I am having issues, 2010 is following 2009 with a Elizabeth Elliott's quote "Our disappointments are God appointments." I am seeking to use my disappointments for God. When I seek Him, He always find me.... saving me from myself!

monthly thoughts of 2008

Jan: Is this living life abundant?
Feb: Bury seeds - Bloom Flowers
Mar: exceedingly, abundantly, beyond
Apr: you - Me - travel!
May: Conquer your brick wall!
Jun:stop trying -starting training!
Jul: The battle is the Lord's
Aug: HABOR LOVE
Sep: Prove faithful.
Oct: in God's hands
Nov: more valued than sparrows
Dec: FEAR NOT!!

stop trying - start training ...

My ears perked when I heard these words. So often I find myself defeated when I can't get it right and this was a piece of wisdom that really nailed it for me.

Training is about getting into God's Word and harboring it in heart and repeating it in your mind when you feel yourself falling backwards into old rutted ways. Training is about learning the self control fruit of the Holy Spirit. It is reconditioning your walk. It is about renewing your mind. Dig into the Word and find the bits of comfort that soothe you. Personally, I like simple phrases that grabbed me and I jot them down on 3x5 card so that I have it handy to memorize. Another little thing I do is when my thoughts stray to the no's in my life when I am trying to focus on the yeses, I mutter aloud or quietly within my mind a verse or a hymn or if all else fails - Psalms 23. Yes, I do a lot of talking to myself {smirks}.

By how often my thoughts stray away, I am dire need of the gym. Pretty much flabby everywhere even for an avid thinker. I have made huge improvements but I have a ways to go. It reminds me of tummy fat - you can be trim everywhere else but the belly holds the padding than a new pillow. In the physical word my arms have a nice contour from lifting 5lbs in each hand. I can lift maybe once a week and arms look good. However, with the stubborn tummy, I could do crunches every day and get no where. Just like my straying thoughts!

I do have to say that on the belly front, I found a crunch that started to do faithfully each day this week (progress!!). It doesn't hurt my back which some do so that is a good start. Maybe I will find a healthier stomach one day and while I am at it, trimmer grey matter too!!!

monthly thoughts from 2007

Jan: Be a good stewart of His Gifts
Feb: Prepare for His Abundance
Mar: Value the person - value their dreams
Apr: Am I faithful?
May: Love is chosen
Jun: 'to hear Him pass'
Jul: trust & obey
Aug: seek God & He will find you
Sep: love= waste not
Oct: it is all about today
Nov: 365 Happy Days
Dec: your value is in your smile

waste not ...

God does NOT waste my sorrow, nor my pain. Rather He redeems my tradegies with His Glory.

I have been thinking about 'waste not' a lot lately. I am finding it in the little rebutals I retort out loud in the quiet spaces of my home when I am trying to figure out who I want to be. I am trying to stand firm with what I say to what I feel deeply inside. I have high values and desires yet when it comes to my mouth, I am not as confident sounding. I blame my ever sweet shy side. I hate sounding closed down. See, I also like to known as a good listener. Oh, the excuses I am coming up with!!!!

I have desided that 'waste not' is a good way for me to really align my words with what I really want to do with my life. Here are a few marching orders:

* I will not waste my relationship with God on impure actions. I don't have time for curious about the things of the flesh or the things of human nature. I am bought with a price. (1 Cor 6:20 & 7:23)

* I will not waste my time over the future state of me like wondering if I will finally own my home (yikes .. stomach just bottomed out!) or if I will finally find some poor chap who can stand me enough to stick with me in marriage (puppy eyes). God only promised me today. So why waste my time? Daydreaming is fine but only if it is productive in the creative department! So it is what is on my plate today and that it enough! No more borrowing trouble of what might not be.

preparing for His Abundance ...

Preparing for His Abudance must mean that you are lacking something. So lets say I am lacking a husband so in this area I should begin to prepare for His Abundance. Almost sounds like I should be cleaning out the house, doesn't it? As I have been picking up in another area of my life like oraganizing my home, I need to open up space so that I have room to welcome in. Out with the old and in with the new.

There is an excitement when you begin to prepare. Daydreams become more frequent and I love daydreams. I believe this is the best way to treat yourself. You begin to see what is really important to you. You lavish yourself with all the best so maybe you won't be so quick to settle for less.

So what if you are waiting and waiting? Say that husband area has been bare for 30 some years, do you still prepare for His Abudance? Sure, I say yet as I do, I know I find it difficult to be confident here. I have been 'laying down my Isaac' almost daily. I am finding though that it isn't as hard as it use to be. This is scary too. It is like I'm I am giving up and settling for less. I have to retrain the brain because it is really letting go. I suppose if you get 'nit picky' giving up and letting go are two different things. Letting go is freeing.

I've noticed my vision is clearer. My eyes are more on Him and not on him. No man can out do God in the love and romance department. It is seeing what I have and not what I don't have. It is being satisfied and content. I am beloved by God. His purpose for me is confirmed by the passions, dreams, and talents He tucked into my heart when He created me. Like a proud Father, He is delighted when I succeed. How enjoyable that is to me.

I just had a thought! Maybe I got it all wrong with the letting go.... or maybe I need another step to complete the formula.
Letting go is allowing yourself to fall into God's waiting Almighty Arms!

stewart of your gifts

Being a good stewart of the Gifts God has designed and given to you means taking what you have and realize it is a gift. I have a job. It is not what I want to do when I grow up. It is not what I love to do, but it is a job that has helped me come outside my box and engage others. It also allows me to help others with their jobs. I don't mind copying or mailing or organizing. It is rather fun and makes me feel good that I can help others. I am not good with talking but my job requires to speak. This job has stretched me. This reception job is a good gift and I must be a good stewart of my job. It is not about what I don't have like my own craft shop or writing project even though I also believe that my art is a gift as well. So I must continue to be a good stewart of my painting and my writing. It is not about focusing on what I don't have or what I have not achieved. That is discouraging and not being a good stewart...

What is in your life? Isn't it a good gift? Are you a good stewart of these gifts? How do you be a good stewart?

good gifts? family, pets, your passion, job, health, home, money, college friends, your crafts .....

monthly thoughts from 2006

Jan: ''Build your life around your passion!''
Feb: ''Live romantically!''
Mar: Know and use your unique signature 'color' all over your world
Apr: Be the flame not the moth.
May: Your life is your ART!
Jun: Bright eyes gladden the heart! .......... prov 15:30
Jul: The heart that loves is always young. greek prov
Aug: To engage life cures a stagnant mood. ~k
Sep: Use words of faith & victory.
Oct: no fat suit - all rudie nudie!
Nov: make new wine
Dec: hold to what you have