Monday, July 27, 2009

my bitter cup ...

.:| Notes from Chuck Swindoll |:.

1. For every disciple there is a purpose to fulfill.
2. For every purpose there is a cup to drink.
3. In every cup there is pain & suffering to endure.
4. Through every pain there is a victory to claim.

John 18:11
Jesus commanded Peter, "Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?"

Whew! This is pretty difficult to take. It is often my tendency to fight. Wanting to make it work. Trying to grasp it. To learn. Oh, so hard but if Jesus Christ can do and is with me in whatever cup I am to drink, I can do it. {gulp}

Psalms 16:5-6
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.


crushed

Sunday, July 26, 2009

reflecting ...

journal gene: If I would give you the wish to tell your 20*something self about the now*you, would you & what would you tell her?

me: It would be very tempting to want this wish granted! I would tell her that there has been no 'the one, no house w/ a picket fence, no love & roses... because maybe she would not have wasted time trying to figure out how to be a good wife and live her single life with a lot of gusto not caring about man's affections. Maybe she could stop the duplicity but I think it would have broken her heart and so, I would say no I do not wish to tell my 20*something anything. Wellllll..... maybe just to tell her that there will be very hard lessons ahead that will be bitter but to keep her heart soft & keep learning... Joy will come to you...

journal gene: If I would give you the wish to ask your 80*something self about your future*self, would you & what would you ask her?

me: It would be very tempting to want this wish granted! Right now I am stubborn enough that if I draw the love card in the next 10 years, I don't want it because I have always wished for the love through the ages... I could easily ask if love came but that isn't wise. And I don't want to know if I would 'fall in love at 80'. I could not comprehend that at this time. I guess I would want my 80*something self to tell me that there will be very hard lessons ahead that will be bitter but to keep on keeping on with keeping my heart soft and keep holding on to Joy. Joy is the greatest companion. And, never ever stop learning...

80yro self: {shaking head} "Oh, girl. Please get over that love thing! Let the God who created you and all of your passions love you! Keep your little hand in His huge one. Be passionate, delightful, and Joyful! That is enough!''

Thursday, July 23, 2009

the delightful path ...

I would like to welcome you to another part of me. It is my surface or width of me. Even though I will most likely drop in some depth {I can't help it!}, it is a scrapbook of good things I love. Here I will share text, photos, quotes, chats, audios, & videos, etc. Think of it as coming inside my home and seeing what is on my walls, what trinkets I might have lying around, and what bounty is served on my table. So come & dine. Take a load off. You are invited to the delightful path.

Psst: I shall keep this blog as I am too deep to stay on the surface very long! I will link from here often to my 'scrapbook log' as one is both deep & wide. I hope this will make it richer.

Monday, July 20, 2009

footprints on the moon ...

Once upon an Sunday evening 40 years ago, did a young couple of 3 years holding a baby of 4 months go outside to view the moon that was the topic of the day because man made footprints up there? Did they just gaze into the starry sky leaving each other to their thoughts or did they speak in hush tones about the excitement? Did they feel that this was a turn for the better since there seemed to be such turmoil over Vietnam or did that not really matter because they lived in the Midwest? Did they wonder what possibilities there would be for their little daughter quietly sleeping in their arms that night? Did they wonder what the world would be like for their little one to grow up in?

I have always been intrigued by man walking on the moon and am proud to have been born in that year. I love looking at the pictures of my parents and me back then. It seemed like a softer time in middle America compared to the coasts. Soft sepia memories for sure! I haven't asked my parents about their memories or feelings about that night, I probably will but maybe it should be left to my own imagination of what I would have felt if I had been looking up in the night sky in a more grown up stage instead of the softly sleeping in my parents arms on that starry night long ago...

Sunday, July 19, 2009

seeking but not finding ...

I know this person is seeking yet will not hear You & changes the subject to foil my attempts to show You even if it seems this person is unaware doing so... Isn't this person weary of the ways that seem to lead no where?

You were wearied by all your ways,
but you would not say,
'It is hopeless.'
You found renewal of your strength,
& so you did not faint.

''Peace, peace, to those far & near,''
says the Lord. ''And I will heal them.''
But the wicked are like the tossing sea,
which cannot rest,
whose waves cast up mire & mud,
''There is no peace,'' says my God, ''for the wicked.''
~ Isaiah 57

Thursday, July 16, 2009

prayer battle ...

.:notes on Prayer from Adrian Rogers:.
JAMES 4
v.3 ... 'You ask & do not receive,
because you ask amiss,
that you spend it on your pleasures'

1. sensitivity to the Spirit
2. submission to the Father (Thy will be done) v.6
3. resist the devil v.7
---the devil fears our prayers
---God intends to win the war through our prayers
4. separation from the world
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I missed the last portion of his sermon and you know the notes need to end in odd number so I am adding a number 5!

5. unification to God
---pure living or clean living
---cleanse heart, mind, & body

The Word says to pray without ceasing and I don't have a problem with that. Living alone and knowing God is always there and always listening, He gets the brunt of my words! But with honesty, I have realized that I have used frustrating words and tended to end up crying. I realized that I was being quite selfish - mainly I was a brat. I have changed the way that I have prayed. I strongly believe that in order to have a good prayer life you must ask yourself how much you pray. Do you pray more than you read the Bible? If you do, you are talking tooooo much. The Spirit prompted that question to me and I was mortified. Here this relationship I have with the Heavenly Father was very much me talking toooo much. I needed to view this as a conversation. If I pride myself in being a listener than why am I not listening to His Words more? Reading the Bible and praying needs to be equal if not more reading scripture.

I can always use encouragement when it comes to prayer. I can always work on my relationship with God.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

surface vs depth ...

I need this blog. I know this because when I lost the depth person, I was becoming anger and anger. Then when I was able to think on white screen, I found myself peaceful. It is like being able to exhale after breathing in. I am a thinker and that is who I am. I cannot change it. Yet as my birthday came and went I thought 'Whew, middle age isn't so bad but now I am having major loneliness issues again and what am I do with all that I am?' It seems my work life and my home life are at odds and I become a misfit inside.

When I was able to indulge with another deep person, he always mentioned the desire of meat and potatoes but he never had time to read my (ok, I must admit they were long) emails that where laced with depth. Then when we talked we always had fun and did talk depth until he got too tired and didn't have time for that anymore. Even as he wanted meat and potatoes, I secretly was thinking shouldn't there be some dessert?

My blog counter has recently cleared the map to restart the numbering. It gives you a chance to see what the numbers of visitors have come within the past year. The maps are archived. Sadly, for the 3rd year in a row the numbers have halved. I know my writing has been suffering and I have a new craft addiction and I am visiting/listening to more blogs so maybe I need to figure something out.

The thing I have been muling over is starting another blog on the lighter side or more to my surface and width side of me because yes, there is that part of me too. I never thought I would do another blog and wasn't sure how to do another because this is the place I put most thoughts about all parts of my life. I have not put pictures here because this is the a place for words and I didn't want to lean on pictures even though I am highly visual in my learning. I wanted my words to express the pictures. I must honor my writing and even get back to the creativity of it.

My list of blogs I visit/ listen to has grown over the past year. I have stumbled up hard core crafters and even other crafters who do their art on the side who have some really cool sites for their crafts. Again I don't want the pictures here even though I do talk about my creative side. So what if I create another blog for my visual side that would encompass my life but more light and less words since pictures are said to be worth more than a 1000 words....???

I love blogger. But even though blogger has come along way on the backside of things, I have tried to change the background. That comes with a lot of time and know how. It is just too messy and then I don't write. Yes, they have come a long way with the pictures but I think tumbler is more picture friendly. However, I first have to join to see. I just want something simple and easy so that I can spend more time on the writing or dropping in the pix and go. So maybe there will be another blog that is more friendly to the readers.... will give me the feedback that I am needing ...

Saturday, July 11, 2009

King Hezekiah ...

I have been reading about King Hezekiah in II Kings, II Chron, and Isaiah. I must admit that this is the first time I have heard of this king! As I take in his story, I wonder at the relationship between God and King Hezekiah.

Here Hezekiah has been made king and he goes about tearing down not just the idol worship in the towns and country but he goes after the high places where past kings had allowed it. He made sure the Levites who had more zeal than the priests cleansed themselves and temple and then to all the people. King Hezekiah really cleaned house! I was really excited about that because there is always blessing in obedience...

Hezekiah gets sick and asks for 15 more years of life and God grants it. Isaiah writes King Hezekiah's thanksgiving in his book. Then something interesting is mentioned in II Chron. King Hezekiah has a prideful heart! I am scratching my head wondering where this is coming from! I will have to do more research. The king does repent.

Then King Hezekiah did a really questionable thing in my mind and I am still puzzling over it. After he cleaned house and even made improvements on the water ways, he began to show the 'enemy' his kingdom. I am thinking 'stop! don't do that! You don't show all your secrets to the enemy!' Well, the enemy does decide to attack! The taunt the kingdom but the people did not listen as King Hezekiah told them. Hezekiah consults Isaiah and prays. God does provide protection and the enemy retreats.

I cannot pinpoint why I am puzzling over this king. It has something to do with how much God hates idol worship. Here King Hezekiah got rid of allllll idol worship and there was still issues with Hezekiah's life. Maybe is lies in the pride he had. Isn't pride a form of keeping an idol? Maybe I need to turn this inward - it is not about what I can get away with but how purely I can live my life but to do this with humility.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

not an orphan ...

Notes from Ravi Zacharias:
With God:
1. son-ship - not an orphan!
2. worship (giving back to God what He has given us/declaring His Attributes)
3. stewardship - we are to be a caretaker of what He has given us - esp life!
~~~~~~~~
I need this as I seem to be on a quest of figuring out what I am to do with my gifts and talents especially what I am to do with the creativity that I have. Again God nudges me as I seek. Love that with Him. He doesn't teach us the answers but gives us problems to trust Him and to find the answers in Him. Darkest before dawn... {{knowing smile}}

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Happy 233rd Birthday!

Not sure why the Forth of July is a favorite holiday of mine... Maybe it is because there is soooo much history here on this land. Maybe it is because men were seeking a place to have the freedom to have a relationship with the Almighty God. Maybe it is because so many were seeking a place of refuge. Maybe it is because this place is a place to for invention and creativity. Maybe it is the colors of the flag. Maybe it is because there are fireworks. May it because of Lady Liberty and the quote on her foundation. Or just maybe every time I sing the National Anthem I can actually see Francis Scott Key writing his poem in a boat offshore and looking for Old Glory.

''Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
& you who have no money
come, buy wine & milk
without money & without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
& your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to Me, & eat what is good,
& your soul will delight in the richest of fare
Give ear & come to Me;
hear Me, that your soul may live.
I will make an Everlasting Covenant with you,
My Faithful Love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader & commander of the peoples.''

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
call on Him while He is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way
& the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the Lord, & He will have mercy on him,
& to our God, for he will freely pardon.
~ lsa 55:1-4, 6-7

He will be the Sure Foundation of your times,
a Rich Store of Salvation & Wisdom & Knowledge;
the Fear of the Lord is the key to this Treasure.
~ Isa 33:6

There is something about seeking ... It seems that it is a universal quest among humankind even if it is not verbal. The Almighty is a believer's Liberty that stands on the Harbor welcoming us home. He is a Refuge and this beggar and alien of God is trying to tell another beggar and alien where the Everlasting Food and Water is...

I know the good USofA is not my home and I am just passing through, but I feel a heavy burden to hold true to what our Forefathers wanted for this country. I feel ashamed that she has turned away...

my Rest

fireworks 2009

It was a chilly night considering it was July! A jacket was a must and a blanket might have been nice too. Ice cream from a near by shop was eaten by some. One treat looked especially good. The outside was a waffle cone, ice cream, and what looked liked a chocolate block! Oh, but the chilly treat would have been more delicious on a hot day not a cool evening even if fireworks where the main event!

A wonderful soft yellow sunset gave way to bruised clouds and stars. Families gathered with blankets and camping chairs to take in the towns fireworks. Fireflies occupied a moment or two of an anxious little 2 year old waiting for pretties to light up the sky. It was way after her bedtime but she hung on. The adults where anxious for blankets and light jackets as the moon shone brightly. What was unbelievable was how many pups were out! Our brood of three was home in their little dens safe from noise. Oh, how they hate them booms.

Small firework shows started to pop but then the two main events began to light up the sky with ooo's, ahhh's, and delightful squeals from little tikes. Lovers snuggled close on blankets, parents and grandparents juggled a 2 year old who wanted to share the delight of pretties rain in the sky, 'Sity, Sity, look pretties!!' One child pierced the night folly with a tortured scream but as the it came to an end, clapping gave the night lights appreciation of a country's freedom fight.

Fireworks by the Lake last night, fireworks on the tube tonight, and more fireworks looking out my bedroom window tomorrow night? mmmm, priceless! Love a good fireworks!

Friday, July 03, 2009

depending on God vs depression ...

Hmmm, it seems I do have a very important choice. When the blues or grey clouds invade my mind like now, I can fall into despair & depression or I can depend on God. Yes, I know I need to renew the mind and I do but what a battle. I still walk in the dark for a while until the sun begins to appear. Yet at times, I feel I am just glossing over and it is just right under the surface only to rear up quicker.

I could try to figure out where the feelings are coming from but that is old hat. Food, loneliness, messed up plans .. I think all selfish motives if I am going to be really honest at the end of the day. I will keep going into training the brain and rereading God's Love Letter especially the tear stained ones about His Great Love for me. I will busy my hands at creating new things and give them away. I will train myself at reaching out ... instead of decompressing...

I could get my soapbox out but I am going to put it away. However, I will keep the soap out and suds away the dirty windows... I do have a lot of nice gifts in the form of family and pups. I have some neglected gifts that I need to bring out and put in the display like old friendships ... kinda scary because Mom says it is like tennis you have to put the ball in the other court so the other can volley... I do put that ball in the other court but I am always waiting for the return... Maybe I need a new picture to understand the game because I don't get it. Then I have some talent that I have no clue what I am suppose to do with it. I have an overflow of glass unwanted and maybe my amigurumi will begin to fall into the unwanted category as well. Ok, better turn the car around ... I also have some gifts like teaching and encouragement that I am not sure what to do with ...

Well, I better go get busy instead of mopping {{lopsided smile}}

Oh, I got fireworks tonight to enjoy! Must take my patriotic music to enjoy with!!! See, I do have great blessings in my life to count and delight in... offf I go to unwrap!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

world destruction ...

I looked out upon the earth and found hollywood's great interest in movies about the destruction of the world. It is peculiar as they seem aware that the world is heading into destruction but yet they still don't want to acknowledge God. It is beyond their fascination of destroying monuments that we hold dear too even if man made. The subtle messages are changing too. They use to focus on America saving the day against the 'cold' world or nations. The focus has changed to where the nations come together and work it out. When triumphant, the world is kinder and united. The faith they show people going back to was the Muslim faith. It was like they wanted to show inclusive and better they were!

The earth will pass away and it will be a melt down of fire. For the truth one must read Revelations. Yes, a tough read but a blessing just for reading it. (Rev 1:3).

God has told us what will come and has promised that the world will not be destroyed again by water (Noah & rainbows) but by fire. He has provided the BAIL OUT PLAN but if you want it you must sign your name now not when it is too late. Jesus Christ has paid your ticket in full. See His nailed pierced hands. Now is the time not later. When you find yourself in the too late days and no matter how little there is to hold on to when the world comes under His Heavy Hand, you will be in torment and yet your heart has little chance because every time you say no to God and His Son, your heart hardens more and more...