leaning NOT defeated!

betty: "Why didn't you want to tell us that your cancer is back?"

sally: "Well, it felt like I lost and that the cancer won. It doesn't help that I am angry and sad and I don't want people to feel sorry for me. Plus, I am just plain tired. I tired of not feeling good, not being able to work, not being able to be out and about. I am tired of over thinking and wondering how the bills will be paid. I am tired of not having my hair and feeling bloated. I just wanted to conquer this. I wanted to at least make through this first bout free of cancer. It didn't even work!" {sobs}

~~~~~~~~~~

No, this isn't a real conversation but I am trying to get into the skin of a co-worker who didn't want others to know that her cancer is back and back meaner and stronger. As I have gone to the mat to pray, something bubbles up inside my heart whispering that illness of any kind is not a life sentence but rather a journey. Hey, anything in life should be considered a journey. I have to remind myself of this very thing in my own situation where I am not doing my dreams. This too is a journey.

A believer has it going for them because the Almighty God has planned the journey ahead of time just designed for us. He has gone before and goes with us! Whispering "Do NOT fear. Be not discourage!" If only we would listen. Duet 31:8

How do you tell a non-believer of the hope inside? I find it most difficult to encourage a non-believer, because I base everything on the the Word. Maybe again, it just about living out my faith with the God-Given JOY He gives...

I can understand not wanting to tell anyone about the cancer coming back. I know I would feel very defeated. I hope that I would pick myself up and realize that it isn't about losing to cancer. It isn't even about beating it. Rather it is about leaning on the Almighty Arms. It is about Him being my Tour Guide and letting go of all my control. {ok, here it goes...} To for once just enjoy the adventure He for me. I am big on learning and with every journey there are lessons to learn tucked in every corner. Now if I could just remember all of this when I am lying flat on my back wondering what just ran me over!

One thing for sure is that even if she doesn't know that I know, I can pray to the One Who knows all things. Praying trumps cards and well wishes... it even trumps my feeling helpless in figuring out how to encourage her.... it is human nature to reach out... and for now praying is all I can do...

Robin Hood Relief ...

I woke to the idea of huge planes that can fit automobiles & buses in its belly forgoing any governmental hoopla and red tape landing in open green fields with hordes of personal with tons of aid pouring from the guts of these aircrafts to help and serve the Haitians to ease the hurt and hunger. A vision of an 'aid invade' like now and then they would pull out once all the governments got their acts together. Think Robin Hood!

disclaimer:
If you can't tell tears over the nightly news of Haiti's hurt and hungry are causing hallucinations.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
You will revive me.
Psalms 138:1

seeds for the sower ...

I think this is the verse I am searching for in my seed sowing with a co-worker....

"Now may He who supplies seed to the sower, and bread for the food, supply and multiply the seed you have sown and increase the fruits of your righteousness..." II Cor 9:10

I have been listening to this co-worker of mine make statements some in favor of God and some statements in disbelief of the Word. When I hear these half truths, my heart stirs up and I feel moved that I should stand up for God. I am not one who likes a discussion. I just don't do that well at all. Most times a discussion feels like a fight and I don't want that here.

I have known for a great while now that you cannot tell someone what to do and found a book that showed how asking the right question honors another and makes them do all the work! I have used this on myself with good results but have not much practice with others. So I have talked with God about my co-worker and have practice asking questions with God. Now to wait for her to bring it up again.

I listen to BNN (you can listen too anywhere in the world also in 8 languages). As she sat down to chat, good ol Adrian Rogers was talking about sinners. She just started talking about the church class she went to on Wednesday and the spiritual journey they where discussing. So I began with my first question ... 'You believe in God but you feel that the stories of the Bible are embellished?' She would talk and then I would ask more questions where I saw the half-truths. She allowed me to think and ask questions. I know that isn't normal!

I do believe she is seeking but the answer to one of my questions was that she is not willing to give over the controls to God to be her Lord, Master, and Saviour. She feels that God is gracious enough that He will take her confession before her death.... Yikes! Works keeps coming up and I keep telling her it is a gift....

I greatest hope that my questions nag at her heart so that she is uncomfortable with her place with God and that she will do something about it. I know the Message can be a stench to the unbeliever and a fragrance to the believer (II Cor 2:14-17). I don't want to turn her off to God. I don't want to come off that I know it all ....

I need your prayers for the 'seed' to increase and bloom....

humble messenger....

Little bro was talking about guilty he has been feeling since he didn't give his left over doggy bag at the request of a homeless man when he was up in Chicago. We live in a different time. We are more protective and yet as believers we are called to give. It is a war within every time we see a 'begger'. One of the first questions that come to mind is this real and are they out to take...

So every time little bro and his wife are out and see someone asking on the street corner, they try to give. It happened again on a street corner on their way home. They felt bad that they only had $3 dollars to give and came back to give more to find her gone. He told us the story and was upset about it.

We don't live in a big city and it is a rarity to see someone with a sign on the street corner asking for money, food, or a job. Times have changed. We were at 18% job loss now 16%. More and more we are seeing a empty hand put forth asking .... I think it is time for an envelope in the bag or car with money to come to the aid... to be prepared to give to Jesus....

Anyways, it is interesting when a message comes to you with a messenger who is humbled... not from a messenger who is out for keeping glory to himself...

my HOPE ...

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

Refrain

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Refrain

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

Refrain

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain

Isaiah 51:12
I, even I, am He who comforts you. Who are you to be afraid of mortal man?

Jer 17:5-8
This is what the Lord says: Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands, he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where there no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out roots by the stream. It does not fear when the heat comes, its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

Ps 105:4-5
Look to the Lord and His Strength;
Seek His Face always.
Remember the Wonders He has done,
His Miracles and the judgements He pronounced,

1 Peter 3:13-16
Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. 'Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.' But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the HOPE that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

Zimbabwe ...

Horizon

I received an emergency letter from Horizon. Zimbabwe is in crisis and the government is cutting limbs and destroying people's homes. The orphans and their caretakers are in danger. Please pray and surround these kids and their caretakers with promises from God's Word. The letter was long and I am just giving you bare facts. Simple prayers are very powerful at the feet of the Almighty God. These are troubling times. Just turn on the world news. South Africa where my girl is located is in danger of unrest too. Fight back with God's Promises. Don't let it get you down...

Mat 19:14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Psa 82:3 Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy.

stealing flowers ...

Back in the 70's when we lived in a trailer park, we had the run of the hood. Rules where important. We did not enter the other yards unless they were friends. We rode our bikes all over the place but on the roads only. One day a boy picked raspberries on from some one's bush. The neighbor contacted the mother and the boy was punished. The boy took the punishment and didn't do it again.

Today I live in low income housing apartment. The building I live in has no kids but most of the other buildings have kids. These kids have no respect of place and run wild. The bigger kids resort to nasty wrestling that looks painful. The littler kids are stealing and destroying the flowers along our building. This latter continual incident makes me livid. Then to top it off one of the bigger kids used disrespectful language towards a female adult.

I have reported the flower stealing to the manager but of course that isn't going very far. I have talked to a couple of the little ankle bitters but they have more little tots around that didn't get the message. There is one who has been told and has a look about her that whatever you say will not sink in.

I am not a leader and quite timid. I am one who does not have kids because early on I knew I could not deal with children in the way they should be. Plus, I was raised 2 generations behind the one I was in and I would end up raising my own children about 4 to 6 generations behind the generation they were in. There is no team to back me up either.

I feel very badly. I feel that I should begin some planting group for these pee wees. By teaching them the process of flowers then maybe they would have respect for other's. Maybe if their flowers where picked and destroyed, they would be more conscious of others. However, whatever I do will be throw back in my face. I much rather get that condo I fell in love with last fall. There I could be alone with my flowers and herbs but here I am quaking in anger over stolen flowers and the frustration I have over not being so good at leading...

Just this summer gang signs are gratified on the trash dumpster and on the brick of an apartment building. I know I am not in the best of places. Maybe it is time to move on...

Or maybe staying, I can use my questions and my joy as strength... Maybe by teaching flowers, the Creator could be seen ...

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

to be your friend ...

Dear Precious Gift,
I choose to be your friend whether you choose me back or not! It was confirmed once again to my heart last night.

I thanked God for you after our first meeting and have enjoyed our talks ever since. It seemed you cared back. I still have the memories. I cannot nor will I lean on my own understandings because it leaves me waffling back and forth wondering what I meant to you. I choose faith that the good work God has begun in you will continue until we meet again and not fear of rejection and aloneness. I choose faith that God will chase you down with the Joy that is only found in Him and not fear that the melchoney will take root in your heart. I choose faith that God will show you trust and not fear that you will never know how sure it is. I choose faith that God will hedge you in and protect you from the enemy who is a thief. I shall not fear.

So be gone forever but it is God Who whispers to my heart and directs my paths. He seems to be telling me to stay your friend and work it out in prayer. You can throw away friends but you cannot throw away a prayer warrior! Too stealth! Too powerful! I may never know the power of prayer here on earth when it comes to saving a soul from danger but when Heaven opens wide the annuals of history, I will trace my prayers and bow in awe of God and His Awesomeness...

Don't get me wrong, I see my talks with God every day that help me through and I am brought low. But when it comes to prayer for others, they never let me in to see. I am cursed that way. Like in the Wonderful Life when they prayed for George, I shall see God's Handiwork first hand one day in your life.

Shhh, my mind. Shhh, my heart and soul. Hide away. Hide away.....
always here - waiting for your final 'I'm back' ...,
a keeper

hymn food for the soul...

I never liked Mom's job. She works at the hospital 12 hours daily and 2-3 consecutive days a week. When it is two days in a row it falls every third weekend. Holidays are every other. We are always having to work around her schedule. And trying to get someone to cover a requested day off is impossible. I wanted her support and presence for my glass show and but noooooo. Dad struggles the most on Sunday when Mom works. He doesn't like being alone on that day especially.

Tonight Mom just sat down and poured her heart out. It was a rough two days. She works on the cancer wing. Today a wife was told that her husband's (same age as me) time is now. Mom expressed how God always gives her just the right words to say. Like today she said, 'You cannot handle this alone. You need your support system. Your family is your support. Who can we call?' I don't think she realized God's touch until later. Then she said something profound, 'sometimes we need a support system.'

I made a note to self to let her know that I am glad she expressed herself. I want to be able to support her. Family is your support right? After the hug, she said she was sorry for letting it all out! Come on! No! Let me support! In fact that is my life's role or job.

I asked her if she found that her faith & relationship with God helped her with all the death that comes to her floor. She said definitely. Then she told me about how the Amish (we have a good size community of them here) come and surround their loved one and sing. It could be just young people or a group of family but they come and sing the hymns like how they did at my grandma's funeral last summer. It is parts with no instruments. Often other patients and families ask if the Amish will come by and sing or even just come sing in the hall. The Amish even in their grief and joy come out in the hall and sing. Amazing! Of course I had tears and then made mom cry.

I can't help but think how awesome it would be to make time with someone special or even your whole family up to her floor and sing the old and dear hymns. What a perfect crash op for a barbaric off-road trail.