through it all…

Songwriters: BROWN, GARY VICTOR / HARVEY, STEVE

I've had many tears and sorrows
I've had questions for tomorrow
There've been times I didn't know right from wrong
But in every situation
God gave blessed consolation
That my trials only come to make me strong

I've been a lot of places
And I've seen so many faces
But there've been times I've felt so all alone
But in that lonely hour
In that precious, lonely hour
Jesus let me know I was His own
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/selah/through_it_all.html ]
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to depend upon His Word

So I thank God for the mountains
And I thank Him for the valleys
I thank Him for the storms He's brought me through
Cause if I never had a problem
I wouldn't know that He could solve them
I wouldn't know what faith in His Word could do

Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to depend upon His Word
Yes, I've learned to depend upon His Word
I've learned to depend upon His Word

I was sitting at my desk trying to keep on task with a very tired brain when 'through it all' perked my ears. 2012 had a very exciting change tempered with stress, injury, surgery, and now watching death come for my beloved pup.

Through it all I have joy in the midst. I have felt the Presence of God. I have seen Him Provide. I have been blanketed by His Almighty Wing. I have had my fears covered. I am ever so grateful. through it all I will trust Him.

being the right love …

I wrote these notes down over the summer to write down here and I am finally fulfilling that task! Sadly, I forgot to make a notation on who said these wise things on being the right kind of love instead of finding the right person to love and marry.

~~~~~
1. it's not about finding the right person rather become the right kind of person

2. it's not about falling in love rather walk in love

3. it's not fixing your hope on a person rather fix your hope on Christ

Woman should represent love's contentment while man should represent unending, uninterrupted, unquestioned love.
~~~~~

Now this is something to truly strive for in my life! It will lead to a more joyful me because I will ultimately be working on my relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ Who makes all things new. It will show true beauty inside out. Who wouldn't want more beauty?

thankful 2012 …

Wow, what a year!! So much has happened!! I can barely catch my breath but I shall count my blessings!! I am dazed and amazed and full of praise for the Almighty!!

• I am thankful for 16 years of my small apartment and I am thankful for a new year of being a homeowner. I could not do so without Him. I have a beautiful library where I can have a book in my hand or I can daydream out big windows and I have a craftcave that I can mozy on down in my hideaway and craft to my heart's content without having to put my little creations away just to live!!

I have a three nice bathrooms where before I had one nasty calcified one. I'm looking to change the color of the master bath but i still can't believe how clean and spacious this small bathroom is. The guest water closet is right by the door for easy access after a long day of avoiding the public loos. The gem is the guest bathroom that is big and high for a tall man. With that guest bath I have great potential for a nice guest room in the basement. I would like to finish it before having someone over but excited over the potential.

I've got a nice little pantry for food and for utilitarian dishes leaving the kitchen cabinets for the pretty dishware. I could go on and on with the house but I'll end by saying it is pretty nice to have a garage for the jeep. I finally got it in at the beginning of November, beating out the frost! I won't know what to think when the snow piles up deep!

Huge blessing! I still can't believe it.

• I am thankful for my Dad who helped me move in three days. He had the stick to get this job done especially when I felt very overwhelmed and got injured. He also has the handyman talent and helped trim out my craftcave and helped to stabilize the bookcases.

• I am thankful for the traumatic foot injury and swollen groin lymph node and surgery. I have seen God's Presence in my life. I was quaking in fear when I would have rather had strong rock solid faith but God took the tiny shivering faith that I did have and covered my naked fears all with warm blankets. I woke from the surgery with a huge thank You! Wow!!! I later got the news that it wasn't cancer which I knew it was the traumatic foot injury all along but if course the c-word gets in there and shakes everything up.

• I am thankful for my Mom who went to my appointments and to surgery with me. I needed her. Even when I grew quiet trying to keep myself contained and still she tried to draw me out and didn't get mad or frustrated at my lack of words. I need to say here that I am very blessed with the timing of everything and that again was God.

• I am thankful for NS who is busy with his hectic life but was there with comfort and strength just at the times I needed - again God's timing. I am blessed to have this friendship in my life. There is nothing compared to someone who understands a spaghetti brain like mine and loves God passionately too.

• I am thankful for my brothers and their families that I can look after and love on. There has been a lot pain come into their lives and family is important to have. Sometimes I don't know what to do but God will bring me something to mind to shower them. I know that they in turn are there for me. There is nothing better to have the quietness of family to stand with you when you need to shut out the rest of the world.

• I am thankful for my job, boss, and coworkers. My job is NOT my passion but sowing little seeds of God's love is my job. I am beginning to see the big picture and want to desperately sow more seeds especially for M. There is a tiny thirst there and I hope she gets more thirsty! So lunch notes for her daughter it is. Pretty fun to do but it is seeds… 🌱

• I am thankful for my three pupinators, Tink, Bobby, and Andy. They make me laugh … and cry. They comfort … and I comfort them. I got out the picture books and memories last night… I could go on and on … my heart is hurting right now . I love Tink and Bobby equally and uniquely but Andy is special. I get his personality because it is like mine own. He likes to be still on the outside until action is needed. He likes rules and placement and let's the other pups know. He looks at you with his soulful eyes and you melt. He is playful and animated. He is deathly afraid of the vet. Sadly, his days are numbered… he has growths all over inside and they have growing extremely fast the past two weeks. He isn't in pain yet and still is very lively. We are praying that when it is time for him to go that it is when he is sleeping. It would be too traumatic for him to be taken to the vet. I've been wondering if I will see my dearly beloved pets in heaven … I am so grateful for Andy.

• I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father Who holds my hand and walks with me. He nudges me when I need it. He covers my fears when my heart starts quivering. He quiets me when my brain starts shouting. He gives me strength to endure when I am in pain. I have value because of Him. How blessed I am!

no escape …

When you have trouble at work, there is always an escape. When you have trouble at home, there is always an escape. When you have relational trouble, there is always an escape. When you have personal trouble, there is always an escape. When you have marital, there is always an escape. When you kid problems, there is always an escape. When you have money problems, there is always an escape. When you have problems with electronics, there is always an escape. Name any kind of trouble or problem and you can name several escapes except for one trouble where there is no escape.

This one trouble is most precious because it is our life and anything that hinders it is a sucker punch that reverberates throughout our body and soul. When pain enters or when fear of cancer enters our world, there is no escape. It gnaws at the linings of our brain and our soul. We see numbering of days of our lives or the days of agony deepen on our horizon.

We may try every escape and often do only to fine we are quivering in fear. We may turn to God and His Word and still find some part of you quaking in fear. Be not alarmed. God is still bigger than your problem. God can still the storm. But what if He wants to carry you THROUGH the storm with all the wind, hail, and cold steely water? What if He wants to show you that He alone can cover every little quivering quaking fear that overwhelms you? What if the only way for you to truly see HIS PRESENCE is for you to experience the fear and tread while in His capable hands and to wake up to see a newness has spread its soft warm glow through out your body, heart, mind, and soul? How wonderful to wake with thankfulness on your lips as you realize that God covered every fear uniquely fitting your personality and character. He created your being to make you unique and He will keep designing and crafting you through your life as uniquely. He is the Author and Finisher of your faith. He knows what He is doing. Fear not isn't working for you? Keep expectant in His Hands. Wait for the morning. He will come… Rejoicing comes after you come through … rejoicing comes in the morning … Psalms 30

passages…

Back in February I was flip-flopping between being a renter or a house owner. Each day is new step into the unknown because last year at this time, I've would have never known that I would be in a different place - more open in space and opportunity.

My parents are being made to feel unwelcomed at work because of their age. Both want out badly but they have one more year to pay off their house. My father especially feels the squeeze where my mother just wants to walk by faith. Dad doesn't want to step out and loose it all but Mother has had enough.

Passages. Passing out of one age. Passing into another age. Ending. Beginning. Different. SAME!!!!!

dear Ancient of Days, how I love Your Name. Great solace! Nothing is new or scary to You. You are Strong and Mighty to save. Open our eyes to Your Presence. May we see Your Mighty Arm in our little situation that feels like a hot and heavy monster breathing down our neck ever so close to take a bite out of our backside. You will never fail us. We have such peace in that. May we never forget Your Mighty Works so that we can remember to be expectant in Your Mighty Works to cone. And Dear Heavenly Father, especially my earthy father, my he feel Your Strong Arms about him today.In Jesus Name.… Amen.

feeling past pain…

I was listening to a podcast about "fighting for a stronger marriage" and what I got from it will help me greatly in all my relationships even though I don't have a marriage.

Anytime anger flares up what caused that in you? Instead of attacking the other person find out what 'log is in your own eye'. What closed your heart? Don't be surprised to find that it was a childhood wound! To me that was eye opening. Here we go blaming a childhood again but as I just had anger flare up just minutes before, I realized that it doesn't matter if you are an adult now and you've taken responsibilities to heal and grow up. Those scares have memory and themes weaved into the fabric of your heart. You have to understand it again and again. You have soften your heart and be willing to share it.

I just had gotten angry about the old sister in law honking as she went by carrying my nephew and the niece to a Thanksgiving with her side when we were trying to a birthday with my brother. Then afterwards she comes into our driveway honking with her mother waving and the two kids came up allowing us to have a hug fest. I'm glad we got to have that because we don't get to see the niece because she 'isn't blood' but I had such anger burn inside! Why?

This sister in law divorced my brother and is now going after a third guy. My brother is moving on too. I am just sick - sick that this happened to my brother - sick that two innocent kids have to deal with it. How is my teenager niece going to find lasting love?

Now to my own log - why am I struggling so? Where is my forgiveness? I need to to behave for the kids…. My log, my pain is that I never got chosen to be loved and cherished for a lifetime. I've always wished to be married. I've wanted be a team player. Instead I get to do life in a singular fashion. Rejection. Team failure. Not having your back. Huge investments no returns. Stuff that would kill me if I had a marriage fail. I know what a blessing to be single! It is a scar that keeps wanting to be a wound.

Here is the second part of the fighting for your marriage: L.U.V.E. After you find your pain and have soften your heart, you take to your spouse and share with L.U.V.E. in place. L is for listening. U is for understanding. V is for validating. E is for empathizing. Of course this will work with safe relationships but for the unsafe ones or for those private angers, you take it to your Heavenly Father. He is the Healer and then you can be forgiving or as forgiveness in the unsafe relationships.

I need to wrap this up and take my private pain to God and let Him heal. His soothing oil will soften the rejection scar and I can once again move freely…

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Resources:
http://www.smalleymarriage.com/
"The Wholehearted Marriage" book

material for the Silversmith …

Silver is fascinating to me and I perk up when I discover it in the Word. It always seems second place to gold so why is it used in the Bible? So here is my musings:

It looks like it is only the beginning when our furnace days are completed! Then comes the hammer days!! And this cycle makes up for all our earthly days! However, the SILVER lining is that we are freed of the unneeded and we become more shiny and beautiful like Him!

Remove the dross from the silver,
and out comes material for the silversmith;
~ Proverbs 25:4

I jot down notes of interest from Bible speakers and I just stumbled on a tidbit from Joni Erickson Tada: 'God choose silver to describe His Word. God's Word is purer than choice silver. ~ Proverbs 10:20. Why? Pure silver holds together; gold cannot. Silver kills bacteria and that is why they put it in teeth.

I wrote the above back in May little knowing that I would be put into the furnace a few months later. It all started back at the end if March where I had a traumatic foot injury. After two months of hobbling on a swollen left foot, things were going great. The foot was getting better. I could walk again. It still was healing and I thought I was coming out of it. At the end of July I discover a bump in crease of my left leg where it attaches to the body. Trying to figure out what caused this and having it removed was traumatic to my mind and to the heart. Having something removed is so having the dross removed. This was a vivid visual to me.

My troubled brain had to make this verse into a formula for easy meditation and focus.

silver - dross
= precious metal useable by the Silversmith

thank You, Heavenly Father, for Your sure Hands and Your Ultimate Wisdom!!

twinkle, twinkle…

The Star
by Jane Taylor

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.

Then the traveler in the dark
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see where to go
If you did not twinkle so.

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye
Till the sun is in the sky.

As your bright and tiny spark
Lights the traveler in the dark,
Though I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

It is always good to do a little research on lost stanzas to those little childhood poems. Sometimes you might find a gem to live out in your adult life. Who knows what fellow traveler might need you to share your light.…

3 fav Bible words…

***JOY***
God has brought me through my spells of melancholy to show me that even though my name might mean 'dark valley' He has changed it to 'from the dark valley comes a joyful one'. I quite like that!

I am quiet by nature so being singled out is frowned upon. I couldn't understand the desire if getting crowns in Heaven. Too showy for me. Besides aren't we too cast our crowns at His Feet? However, I have stumbled upon a the crown I wouldn't mind wearing.

and the ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. ~ Isaiah 35:10

***one another***
Again God has taken me through this pairing of words that has transformed me. I have this significant relationship that is so sparse at times meaning he is gone for long periods of time. He came back and I had the choice of throwing him out for good or to pick up what we have and go for it. I had long conversations with God in the down time on what I should do if he came back or never did. God gave gave me this opportunity to have him back and the first word that came to me was 'one another' like bear one another's burdens. There is a whole listing in the Bible that I shared with him. This healed our relationship. A deeper look it is the practical nitty-gritty word for love.

***Arm***
I liked to be contained. I like to be safe and secure. I like to be protected. Being surrounded by big burly arms is a craving that I have. It means you are wanted and cherished. Psalms 18 is my burly Arms! Not only does He save me with His Arm but He arms me with His Strength!!!!

Your Arm is endued with Power; Your Hand is Strong, Your Right Hand Exalted. ~Psalm 89:13

AMEN!

welcome my Bridegroom…

In the heavens He has pitched a tent for the sun,
which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
It rises at one end of the heavens and makes its circuit to the other; nothing is hidden from its heat.

I have an eastern window now that allows the sunrise to brilliantly shine through the naked woods and into my Blue Cloud library in late fall. I just want sit in my little rocker letting its radiance shine on me and soaking up its every beam.

Ahh, how genius that the poet gives us a magnificent visual of the sun in bridegroom attire coming forth and then the poet moves into the Law of the Lord. How I need and find God's Word come to me with its intense Light warming but cleaning. I, the bride small as I am tremble and full of awe, desire and welcome my Bridegroom. I am only worth something with Him.

The Law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, giving JÖY to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous.
They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. Psalm 19:4-11

a single dad's Christmas…

What do you do when this is your first year divorced from your wife and you have a young son of 8 who would wonder why dad isn't decorating for Christmas? This thought was given to me by God yesterday and all I could do was chew on it all day. It is a scenario happening in my family.

I felt moved to step up and be the female - to be a gentle help in any way I can. I sent a text with the question and some ideas. This dad was thinking about this and welcomed the help.

I'm excited. In my opinion it doesn't have to be girly so I am exploring some different options to see what they might enjoy. I am also thinking of a nativity set would be nice. Maybe a plastic Christmas tub filled with decor so that he has a way to store it after the holidays.

A Christmas gift can come in the prep and relieving some if the pressure of perfection. A gift of the heart.…

the printed page…

I love books. There is a sacredness to them. They have taken me places far and away. They have been good friends. They have inspired me to change. These books have been so good to me that I hold them in such a way that they look new even if they aren't.

I love words. I just might have been a printer working with the type setting back in the day. But today ink stamps hold my fascination.

However, there is a dilemma! Have you seen book pages taken from their home and then forced into hard labor being folded this way or that making beautiful ornamentation for the home? Or have been seared by ink stamps forever tattooed by images marring the original intent yet not marring beauty?

I have such guilt but such pleasure. I can't think of messing up precious books yet I have this string desire to marry these two off. Ink stamps and printed pages make for a lasting couple.

I have my limits. I won't buy books to 'destroy'. I won't use the books I have… wait, unless the books I have aren't doing what they should.…

I happen to have on such book. It is a small dictionary where the words are too tiny. I found two full grown older and wiser $1 resale replacements so it won't be missed though I think I might shed a tear before it's demise! No, I am really doing it a favor right? It is difficult to use because it doesn't open nicely and isn't comfortable In my hands. It doesn't fit it's job! (I know excuses!)

After moving and trying to contain all my books, I realize I have some paperback books that do not wear their stories well. They just might be on the chopping block as well.

I just might become a book murder yet. So sad but sooooo many possibilities. Just think of the beautiful artwork celebrating the printed page!

the little 'bams' of life …

You go along life same as always in a small living space that gets smaller as you go. You put up with smells and noise because living in an apartment has this put up or move out to it. You think this space will be yours for many more years to come then 'bam'.

Life for me has changed in a big way this year. Things were getting bad at the apartment and finding my new home was quick though not mentally easy. Then with a traumatic foot injury things got physically harder. I have been left feeling smaller and very scatter yet all the while very thankful.

I have found it quite necessary to write as it essential to quality thinking but I haven't stole away to come here and harbor my words. I have so much to record and keep! Just like the fun furry squirrels that are my new neighbors.

As things settle and yet flooding of many more to-dos, new habits can and must be made. I have the words. They are bursting at the seams of me. So as this year closes, I'm opening up the floodgate of my words and hoping to recapture them again here. For keeps…

Elections 2012

Help, Lord, for the godly are no more;
the faithful have vanished from among men.

Everyone lies to his neighbor;
their flattering lips speak with deception.

May the Lord cut off all flattering lips
and every boastful tongue that says, “We will triumph with our tongues;
we own our lips—who is our master?”

“Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy,
I will now arise,” says the Lord.
“I will protect them from those who malign them.”

And the Words of the Lord are flawless,
like silver refined in a furnace of clay,
purified seven times.

O Lord, You will keep us safe
and protect us from such people forever.

The wicked freely strut about
when what is vile is honored among men. ~Psalm 12:1-8

I was listening to this passage being read and I have stopped to go over it repeatedly and meditatively This is America. This is the world. …

Where are God's faithful? Where is the salt? Where is the light? Am I making a difference in my world? Am I doing my part and keeping America from the burning sulfur? Oh, how I feel the heat on the back of my neck and the sulfur stench burns my tender nose.…

Having a liberal minded orator spew his jargon promoting moral decline and calling it part of the civil rights. Let's call it the truth. Live without self control. Live to your flesh. It is your choice. Lies all lies.

To live as you choose, to live your life outside the box and splatter all over, to have no rules is to live with your fist against God and against your fellowman. If throughout time we had one man and one woman marriages without divorce or same sex connections, there would be no sexual disease. In fact our families would be stronger and in turn our country and then our world. Honoring God in every part of our life is far more important than having superpower status.

We are a needy people but why would God save us a defiant people and bent on doing it our way?

O Lord, You will keep us safe
and protect us from such people forever.

The wicked freely strut about
when what is vile is honored among men. ~Psalm 12:1-8