a high vs the everyday ...

At the monthly Bible study I started to attend, I made an observation that bothered me greatly. I got the sense that some feel the need to have an experience with God like having a high. This drives me crazy! I do not want a 'Jesus-high'. I need Him too much in my every day. In fact He promised He would never leave me nor forsake me. I am holding Him to that.

I want Him when I am in tears over a stupid job and when I have to serve with gladness with respectful obedience to a boss who I will never make happy. If I couldn't have Jesus with me when I go to work ... well, it just wouldn't be good. I want Him in the every day moments when my brain is thinking out processes so I can talk to Him and ask questions. He has always been patient and has opened my eyes to things that only He could reveal. He showed me how to crochet because I would kept trying and would get upset and throw it down. I search and He reveals. He knows the Mysteries and will reveal when the time is right. There are a lot of everyday things I involve Him in and I have to credit all of the dot connecting to His quiet directions.

I want Him when I look out into the evening sky and see a rosie golden sky scape as the sun pulls the covers over her head and I whisper in my head the awe of His Master work. Lately His sky has been so vocal with the heat and storms that even when I fear there is much awe in the power and beauty of it all. He has little old me written in His Hands so how can He forget me? How could I ever think of only experiencing Him in some kind of magical high?

I don't want to ever think that I want to escape it all and have some mystical magic high moment with Him. Yes, there are moments when we are to run to the Fortress that is higher than I. Think about it those 'to the Fortress I run' times aren't highs but troubles. Check out Psalms 18. There is no high rather it is God working out the issues that plague me. He is in the trenches with me quivering under His Wing. I am the watcher and my heart stills it frantic beat as I watch His expert Arm defending and protecting His little one. He is right there. Always. This isn't a high but plain old everyday. I like it like that. Isn't God Awesome in His Ways and His Understandings that is greater than little I?

My life isn't made up of all trouble. There are a lot of good times too. I don't think of them as highs because most are simple things yet profound when I think deeper to His under-workings. Especially when I am troubled and dwelling in the muck, I start to pull my vision away to Him by simply telling Him what I am grateful. I love bed covers even in summer heat. I love paper & ink. I love blue and how it makes me feel. I love the bashful bold purple that feels like royalty and still has a simple gracefulness to it. I like the warm sunshine and the cooling rain in the summer. I like the bright snow and the delicate snowflake in the winter. I pick out everyday things and put them in the light and thank my Master for them right there in the moment. Wouldn't you forget all the wonderful things to thank Him for if you waited to steal away to some magical high? Wouldn't you be caught up in the moment and nothing?

I love to have the Bible near. When my life is out of whack, my only true and solid answer comes from His Word. I must make this everyday. It is a conversation and for too long it has been one sided. I want Him to do the talking too. I am tired of my voice piercing the airwaves. I must hear His Voice many times a day. Haven't you ever missed a lover's voice? Interesting that often we claim that God is silent. What a lie! His letter has 66 books filled with His Voice!

NOOOOOO high for me. I want Him everyday in the midst of my simple everyday life. I take Him at His Promise of never leaving me nor forsaking me. I have a big shoes to fill. I love Him right? He is in my everyday right? Am I dwelling in Him every moment of my day???????

minimal ...

On Sunday I began to feel like a nothing. I have been under some major stress and feel that I have to knock out interferences in life in order for my potential to make a good performance. I have decided that when the little things at work or even at home come in my way that I will jump in and do what they ask with my game face on so they don't know it is bothering me and so that I don't let my bad attitude take hold. Now that I have done this I feel like I am taking everything with a whatever mode so that I don't behave badly.

What is really shaking me up is that I had a notion that I need to scrape out everything thing I do and start over. What? Yeah, I believe with all my heart that I cannot change the core of who I am. I tried it and it doesn't work so why is this coming to me now?

I feel isolated. Some of it is because of me. I do not go with the crowd. I am quiet. I don't force myself onto others. I hate it when others live outside their box and splatter their behavior all over me. I over think. I am tenacious. Dad calls me stubborn. I see things differently then others do. I abhor people telling me what to do. I loathe the disrespect shown when people tell you how to feel or what to think.

I feel isolated and this one thing I cannot control it. My food allergies make me more remote than I already feel. It can take on the ultimate form of not listening. It can even take on disrespect towards my feelings. I really have to watch this as this happens with those I love. Then there is work where I have to say yes or no to a luncheon. I have to ask about the food. I don't like doing that and because I was raised to eat everything on the plate -no complaints. Then I get an answer that didn't even go with my question! So, I am leaning towards just saying no rather then asking again. The last time I a guy co-worker wanted to know my answer. I asked what they were serving. He wouldn't tell me so I said no. I didn't give him the reason. It is a big tado over nothing every time I talk about all 36 food allergies. Why should everyone know when all they can say is I couldn't do it and then isolate me. Do you think this is fun? (I think I should develop a comic routine on my food allergies. Maybe a little humor will lighten me up!)

You know it just isn't working for me anymore. The payoff is lousy. So what can I do? Have a personality-change?

"you're lecturing" ...

Yup, this comment was directed squarely at me very very recently. Strangely enough, I didn't go ballistic. I am a first born and was called bossy by both brothers. I suppose I was but I grew up hating that term. Maybe it is the teacher mode or the eagle eye in me that comes out. What ever vein this lecturing quality comes from, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I cannot change people nor can I tell them what to do.

So what am I to do? I am back to using my questions, to creating word pixs, and to boil things down to the skinny. I want to throw in gentleness, peacefulness, and contentment into the mix. I am beginning here too. Instead of using 'you', I will be using I. Whew! I guess it will take a long bit to get this trait under the control of God.

Another conclusion that I have stated before is that I don't think I can even change myself! First, I must seek God and He will meet me and change me! I am definitely still under construction. But God has promised that the work He has began in me, He will see to its completion.

not lost ...

''All that wander is not lost.''
~Tolkien

After having mental gymnastics over 'people telling what to do', I remembered this quote and I felt like shouting. I am a seeker - a wanderer of sorts. I do not seek fleshy answers. I have this insatiable appetite for growth and learning but the only time I have that full factor is when I am seeking the Word of God. I am definitely NOT lost! I know Who will fill me up.

I do seek aloud and many people start inserting their own views. It frustrates me. I need to speak so keeping some things is difficult to do especially when I don't have a conversation partner. That is why I blog and tweet. It is a way to get the stuff out. I know the blog has helped. Yet, I still get those occasional people who like to tell it like it is according to them. I usually end up deleting their comments. Maybe I need to have a t-shirt made with this quote. Oh, to find a listener - one understands the art of conversation, the give and take, and the importance of asking good questions.

Maybe it speaks of the age we are in. Forget listening. Lets just spout out. Lets live outside the box. Lets spatter ourselves over each other.

commit ...

With "Quiet Leadership" there is a simple equation to change your habits. You start with your thinking. By changing your thinking, you change your feelings. By changing your feelings, you change your behavior. By changing your behavior, you change your habits. Of course you can only change your thinking by asking progressive questions.

While reading Proverbs 16, the first three verses caught my eye and made me question the simple equation presented by "Quiet Leadership". Proverbs has it where it ends with God establishing your thoughts! Hmmm! So I reread the verses again and again to test and to see what Proverbs' equation looked like. First, you must prepare your heart to act even then God has the answer. He knows exactly what you are harboring within your heart. No matter how clean you feel your motives might be God weighs your character and your actions. After you prepare your heart to act, commit your act (actions) to God. Then He will establish your thought. When I read that I understand it to mean that by committing my actions to God, God cleans up my thoughts. Let me tell you that there are some times when I hang on to some frustration or some hurt when I am trying to do the right thing. For example, I want to forgive my brother for abandoning the responsibility he took in getting Tink. I want to hash it out with him which won't work because the one thing brother taught me about verbal combat that it never ends well even if my intent is understanding and a win win situation for both. So I know with out a doubt that my best action is to shut up and forgive him. My thoughts are not there but with committing this act to God, I know that He alone can change my thoughts.

Putting these two learnings together, would be to commit the act or habit that I want to do in my life to God then God changes my thoughts, then my feelings, then my behavior, and finally I have a new and good habit. All I must do is commit and lean into God.

The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, [is] from the LORD.
All the ways of a man [are] clean in his own eyes; but the LORD weigheth the spirits.
Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.
~Proverbs 16:1-3

fencing ...

''suffer the little children to come unto Me''

cc:
* neighborhood kids spilling outside the box

sx:
* little kids stealing flowers
* tweenies & teens loitering

hx:
* bad parenting - no 'fencing'

dx:
kids need:
* need love (time)
* need adult attention
* need someone to listen to them

rx:
* blast long hair music out the window for their enjoyment
Hey, if they are going to spill outside their box and into mine, it won't hurt them any to listen to 'old' music.
* go out and sit in 'my patch' of yard and observe - take notes!
* ask questions about their dreams and their life - it is being a good neighbor!
* pray for them
* jot down outdoor games & maybe see if they would be up to some - constructive!!!!
* BE WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE
* be a student
* reflect Jesus Christ
* be creative, joyful, and use quiet leadership

Parenting's top priority is to teach obedience and nothing else. When teaching obedience, you must teach as well as model obedience quickly, sweetly, and completely. No questions. Stress that obedience brings blessing and disobedience brings punishment. The reason obedience is top priority is because you are teaching and modeling the ultimate relationship with God. If you honor God by your obedience to Him, this relationship spills out into all other relationships.

Note to the questions part:
Asking questions comes later and you must stress that questions cannot be one word questions. Make them use a full sentence question. Also do not allow them to ask why. Why is always about the past and other questions will help them process learning and grow in the moment and propel them into the future. Teaches them to get unstuck.

Fencing is really a way to live life freely. You know the limits and strange as it sounds you are free. Try living the earth's concept of 'free' and you will find that sin and especially the guilt becomes like chains and weights. It is bondage! It is an endless cycle of sin and punishment over and over. Be the parent and fence!

interference ...

OOOO, had a family conversation about conflict over the Thanksgiving holiday!!!! I was actually shocked and had to pipe up. I have verrrrrrry strong feelings about conflict. Just so you understand how volatile this topic makes me lets do word association. These are the words that pop into my head when I hear the word 'conflict' = discussions, anger, out of hand, confrontation, distruction, melt down, raised voices, sweating, face flushed. All of these things I loathe. Why can't I have a discussion that uses soft words, where no one trying to be the winner or right, where there is new insights learned, and ultimately being able to walk away feeling good about yourself and about others?

I once was able to really have a happy discussion. Well, he was gone before I could figure it out but God in His wise ways brought a book into my life that changed my ways. 'Quiet Leadership' by David Rock is an excellent teacher. I have it all in my head and I use it on myself. I haven't mastered the discussion part because I really don't have a person I can practise on. I do try to phrase the questions but usually after a potential target has left the conversation.

In 'Quiet Leadership' there is an equation which goes like this performance = potential - interference. While learning a new and very difficult job this year, I saw this equation work out in my learning process. The interference was coming into play by the teacher's tone of voice as well as me striving too hard to learn everything like yesturday! The interference was hindering my ability to learn. I was breaking down in tears and frustration. I began to doubt myself and wonder if I made the wrong decision. So isn't conflict interference?

So I piped up and laid the question down. So you need conflict to change? I got a big yes from Dad. I didn't know where to go from there. It is just best to save it for here.

Dad is raising questions at work where he normally just would absorb it all. He is being confrontational and doesn't care anymore. He says he is retiring in the near future so what does he have to loose? If he can see how something can better a different way than what was always done, then he is going to say something. I must say that I have noticed his mood is more upbeat. He doesn't seem to be fighting that ever present depression. I have to say it is good for Dad to pack a bit of heat and not be afraid of conflict. Conflict is good for Dad's voice. I just see it a different way.

First I do need to have a disclaimer. If something isn't working, change it. However, I do not like conflict. I hate it. I don't do change well either unless it makes a job easier and more efficient. Ok, now on with my beef with conflict...

Take a hockey team. In order to make a goal, you must take out the interference. The defense cannot put the whole team in just to interfer with the goal making! That would be major penalty box time. Not into sports? Take the radio. You have to take out the static to hear the music. I cannot do conflict. I have interior melt down so bad that you can see it come through me with my blushed cheeks and sweat. I have massive urges to run. It does not serve me well to have conflict.

It is honorable for a man to stop striving,
since any fool can start a quarrel.
Prov 20:3

Make no friendship with an anger man,
and with a furious man do not go.
Lest you learn his ways
and set a snare for your soul.
Prov22:24-25

... do not associate with those given to change.
Prov 24:21

It all could be just the word conflict and what I associate with it. But my personal truth is to take out the interference and interference looks like striving, conflict, anger. To me taking out striving, conflict, and anger enables my best and that really means change for the better. I just want to do it without conflict.

control emotions by thought ...

From the book 'Quiet Leadership' there is a model of how we make our habits. Picture a big rock half in the ground and half out. What the rock is resting on is thinking. From the bottom of the rock to earth level is our feelings. From the earth to half way to the top is our behavior. Then the peak is our habit. Ok, now enters a girl who is resting heavily in her late thirties remembering this was the age her mom's emotions were sort of wacking out much like her own wierd ups and outs.

I am looking at this model thinking 'so there is a way to control my emotions?' It is about what I am thinking? I am soooooo trying to 'whatever is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good report, virteous, praiseworthy - think on these things (phil 4:8). And that verse that spoke to me as I was entering my workplace - 'Thou will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee.' I must keep the faith and toe the line with my thoughts.

One draw back... You gotta have a good word of validation in there somewhere. I am finding it hard to come by. God covers it all the bases, but having family and friends give you a pat feels good to. Sometimes you just what God with some skin on.

Try thanking, appreciation, validation, recognition, affirmation, confirmation on some people today... it softens their behavior... and sure could use some today...