to have & to hold ... 50 year tribute!

June 18, 2016

Dearest Mom & Dad,

What an honor to have 50 great years of marriage with one another!  I am so proud of you!I have been blessed to experience 47 of those years.  I loved discovering your wedding day pictures.  Peering into those bright young faces ready to start this new adventure called marriage, I can’t help but think you made young love so beautiful.  Memories like photos come to mind.  It is varied with downs, sideways, & ups — all cherished & loved.

There are those leaking tents, laundry mat trips, compliments of well behaved kids, going to church, having a missionary in our home, making a Navaho hogan from popsicle sticks & ‘mud’, frozen pipes that burst, leaking trailer roof, skinned chins, skinned knees, broken arm, library trips, reading to & giving me the world of learning through books, family vacations, long car rides, bickering kids, all the wonderful cats & dogs we have adopted or in one case we were the ones adopted, teaching the art of riding a bike (bushes), afternoons at the pool, Dad’s flowers, pulling weeds in the garden, expecting a baby brother, buying a house (411 S Greene, our impossible dream - Jehovah Jireh), moving, teenage angst & silent sulking, band contests & trips, teaching the nuances of driving a car (bushes), leaving your child at college, gallbladder surgery, diverticulitis & surgery, support for buying house & being the movers, diabetes, not feeling good because of the heart value,  clean up after storm damage, & open heart surgery make a wonderful collage of memories that have made us a home.

There is a perfect picture in Psalms 1 of what your marriage has been for my brothers & me.  Your marriage is a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season & whose leaf does not wither.  One word — prosperous — for the Lord has watched over your marriage & home.  You have given us strong roots watered by the Living Waters of Salvation.  This is treasure stored in Heaven.  You have stood against the ways of the world & have instilled in us to love God & to enjoy Him forever.  This is the shade of soft breezes that you cast by standing tall & not withering under the heat.  The fruit of love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control has been given in full abundance in your home.  You gave us boundaries, teaching us that the thou shall nots was for our protection & the thou shalls was blessings.  Thank you, Mom & Dad, because of 50 years of wedded covenant together now I can be a sheltering tree to those who come my way.  You make vintage love more beautiful than young love!

‘too amazing for me … the way of a man with a woman’  proverb 30:18-19

1st little girls' sleepover ...

4yo ~

"Your house is beautiful."
It is only the 'mud room'!!!

"I peed in the shower!"  -  She erupts in wild squeals and giggles!
Welllll, how do you transfer a slippery wet child to the toilet without a major catastrophe?  No harm, no foul!  

"Why do you live alone?"
I have no husband.  This little one is alllll about marrying her boyfriend ... on and on... Trying to convince her that boys have cooties!!

*** What a delight this little one is!  Full of giggles and loves miniatures.  A child after my own heart.  My house is better than disney world for her!  She was willing to try new things like taking a shower rather than a bath.  And she comes up with the wildest things.  Like before she came over to my house she asked if I cooked.  She is just the cutest!!!  I lovvvvvvvvve how she says my name!!!!  I don't want her to stop.  I just melt!  Thinking I should change it to what she calls me!!

8yo ~

"Why do you have American flags all over the place?"
Well, that is the decor of my house.  I love the founding history.  Sadly, my pride is zero since recent current events.  

"My tummy hurts."
Wasn't sure what was going on -- a ploy? Or was the medication eating the tummy.  I fixed some warm yummy oatmeal.  She ate and that seemed to help.  We had some good one on one time.  She fixed up some star ice cubes with blueberries.  We made fizzy drinks with lemon sparkling water with the party ice cubes for breakfast.  Oh! Don't mix the lemon with the blueberries!  Good grief, this child with her foods!

"I don't want to sleep in a strange room for the first time."

I say, "your sister is sleeping in here too."

"A four year old can't protect me."
It escalated to the point she was crying and wanting her mommy.  I had to do some quick thinking and get this shut down before major melt down.  Well, I think we had just passed into melt down mode.  Help!!

I said, "you won't have everyone around you all the time to protect you but you have Jesus.  He watches you all the time.  All the lights are on and I have to get ready to bed.  Let me take care of things and I will be back and sit here awhile reading while you fall asleep.  While I am taking care of things, you talk to Jesus and tell Him you are scared and ask Him to help you fall asleep."

I come back and she is on the verge of sleep.  I read a chapter or so of my book and as I leave her breath is even.  She is fast asleep.  As I go to sleep I ask Jesus for her to sleep at least till 7ish.  He is Good.  She was up a little after six.  Not bad at all.  Just more one on one time with her.  

***  What a fascination this girl is.  She is a first born and can have a tude at times.  I get that.  I've been there and done that.  I so want to help her get ahead start on understanding attitudes and how JoY can help her.  She lovvvvvvvvvves games and crafts.  I have not figured out why she likes crafts.  She doesn't want to do the same craft over and over.  It always has to be new.  Yet, I find her wanting to save patterns so she can take it home and do it again.... what? again?  Anyways, I would love to crack the code and find something crafty that she can just dive into and soar all by herself.  I know she loves to make cards.  That has been my starting point....  She loved my craftcave.  I would love to show her how to organize her room into a little haven of craftiness.  

I have started a journal between us while she comes and stays at MeeMee's house this summer.  It is a way to ask her questions that might be difficult to say face to face.  Her biggest fear is her parents dying, her sister dying, and her cats dying.  One of her cats is struggling with life...  Whew! Big fear for an 8 year old.  A big fear for a 46 year old too.  I replied as best as I could -- even the pet fear.  

Ahhhhhh, wonderful moments to collect!!!!

Papaw asked the girls if they saw any animals in the woods at my place.
What?  The animals were inside the house!

the bride's veil ...

Have you ever wondered about "& the government shall rest on His Shoulders"? (Isaiah 9:8)  I may have had some wonder but I am living in an age of really bad governments.  Governments that war against its people.  Governments that war with other governments.  Governments that sell off morals and liberties.  Governments that distort truth and freedoms.  So at face value I am glad that the government rest on Jesus's shoulders. He has the last Word.

Pastor Stephen Davey has such a God-given gift of wisdom and knowledge and I love his An Indescribable Gift message where he colors in Isaiah's full picture of the government resting on His Shoulders.

"When the year of Kiddushin was over, the groom would begin a noisy procession to the bride's home.  ... After arriving at the bride's home, the two of them would then begin the walk back to the groom's home ... during that walk, at some point in the brief journey the bride would remove the veil from her face and lay it upon the groom's shoulder, and the crowd would chant a song that included the words 'her authority is upon his shoulder.'  Her life is upon his shoulder: the government of her life was now upon his shoulder.  Obviously this reference includes the sovereign rule of Christ over all the governments of the world, but what is lost is the imagery of a husband who loves his wife and bears the responsibility to care for her, and she finds security and rest in his authority and provision. That is the picture Isaiah is drawing!" (from Davey's message)

As a woman a veil over the face is a covering of safety.  In today's terms I see it like a pair of sunglasses.  Every spring I go for my Saturday sun walks.  I am not the most confident and have to do a lot of cheering myself out there.  Putting on a pair of sunnies help in my little mind that there is a layer of protection between me and others.  If they can't see my eyes, they can't see me.  Yes, I know crazy notion but it gets me out there walking!  So if I lay that protection on the shoulder of my husband, it means that I am allowing my husband to see my vulnerability and allowing his strength to shield and protect me.

"He's coming for you, and upon His broad, omnipotent shoulder you can, as His bride, lay your veil, as you surrender to His authority and His care and His provision.  We say to Jesus Christ: "the authority of my life is upon your shoulder.  My trust for care and provision is upon your shoulder."  We cannot fully describe Him, but we can fully surrender to Him. And as you place the veil of your dreams and your wishes and your will upon His shoulder..." (from Davey's message)

I love that I can lay all upon Jesus's shoulders.  I seek safety.  I want to be protected.  I don't want to be out there on the stage of life all by myself.  Gladly, I have a Husbandman that is my Shield and Defender.  And what broad strong shoulder He has.

It also means that I allow Jesus to govern me.  I must follow His Lead.  I am quite alright with that.  I am human.  I make mistakes.  I run empty of Joy and Love and Thanksgiving and Strength.... etc.  He never runs low.  His resources are rich and plentiful.  He wants me to take His Resources and to use.

I think in pictures and word-pictures and this masterpiece is one I shall cherish and remember and walk more uprightly in this rich abundant life Jesus has given me.

 

a thanksgiving pearl ...

Thanksgiving is essential to the life of a believer.  It is the key to a full and abundant life.  It unlocks Joy within the heart.  What one thing encompasses respect, maners, love, relief, and thoughtfulness but giving thanks?

I became a believer when I was 5 but in 2003 with a job loss I knew I needed a restart.  Meloncholy was my draft setting.  I was slumped at the window of life watching the world go by without me.  It was a good time to try thanksgiving for a change.  It was a small step that got bigger and bigger with each passing year.

Thanksgiving is like a pearl.  It takes an irrantant wrapped and wrapped with praise to be something of great worth.   It puts the focus on the Heavenly Father's Mighty Arms than the pungy pesky problems.  To sum up Psalms 107 from wastelands, darkness, rebellious ways, lost at sea to thanksgiving ... the upright SEE and Rejoice but all the wicked are shut up.(v. 42).

I SAW God come through when we had major storm&nbsp on July 1st. There was massive cleanup to do at my parents' place. The house, garage, and fishing boats escaped structural damage but the winds shredded the ancient trees. There was so much damage that at lunchtime I noticed how defeated my Dad was. I called the brother to come help. While Dad and the brother got the chainsaws up and chewing, my 10 year old nephew and I pulled and hauled big branches to the road. From this hardship I found out my nephew was a talker!

See, the men in my life are quiet and when there are problems afoot they hunker down to process. I never want to be the cause of their silence so I have been seeking God in understanding the inner-workings of man. Having this moment of time with a little man with a fresh divorce in his childhood was God-Given and is a keeper for a lifetime. I hope my nephew felt valued from having my ears as an audience.

God wasn't done with my lesson.  I had a longstanding question for my Heavenly Father. Men grow men. What if there are no Godly men to come along side and mentor your man?  Can a God-seeking girl be a healing presence and God's instrument in her man's life?  Bob and Cheryl Moeller were sharing their book "How to Get Your Husband to Talk" on a podcast. I had done three things right. During a shared activity, I listened and asked clarifying questions. God is so Good.  His Arms are Mighty in every storm.  I am so thankful to have the summer afternoon to be at the feet of Jesus listening to a little man!

This story seems a bit glossed over so let me fill you in with some of the not so glamorous parts.  It was a hot day and hard work.  We were a freak show as people drove by real slow to see the massive damage.  There was no electricity for a week.  Mom and Dad had to come use my guest bathroom.  The stress spurred on the shingles for Dad in the months following.  This was a hard blow.

This is NOT easy and some irritants get by us to take us out.  Sometimes the vision gets blurry before we realize we need a time out  -- a declaration that this day is a day of Thanksgiving to God and whisper not  a need or care.  What a difference it makes.  God doesn't need the Praise for Himself but rather the puny human is in need of praising the Heavenly Father.  We are forgetful -- oh so forgetful.  The world loudly and noisily lies to us and we easily believe the lies and promptly forget the Truth.  Thanksgiving gives you SIGHT to see and to boldly Rejoice in God's Sovereignty.  He never stops protecting or providing for our every need.

I must stay this again - I never want to forget that summer afternoon that my ears were in the presence of my nephew drinking in his every word. Thank You, Heavenly Father, for such a wonderful gift!

Bobby Socks

It is Valentines and my heart is breaking.  Fourteen years ago two little furry rat terriers came into our lives after the loss of our dear Sammy.  Fourteen months ago Bobby's brother Andy died and now Bobby.

The brown in Bobby's face was swiftly becoming white.  He was getting a bit blind.  He couldn't twirl anymore on bare flooring.  On carpet it was getting slower.  With this winter's blistering cold, he struggle to keep warm so we thought up a coat out of sweatpants legs.  Bobby was always hungry but eating seems too much.  We prayed that he could wait for spring.  I thought he was doing much better but last night I got word that he died of a heart attack.  Tink and Bobby went out to go to the bathroom.  Bobby was at the door and then he wasn't.  That quick he was gone.

Bobby was a baby always wanting to be babied.  We didn't mind.  He wanted to be petted always.  He would give you those baby eyes.  He was a worrier.  He didn't want you to forget to feed him or to give him cookies.  He always wanted to be near you.  If you were making the actions of leaving, he would take your socks and gnaw on them.  He may have sad eyes but he always had a smile.  When excited, he would twirl and twirl.

I guess him leaving right before Valentine's Day of a heart attack seems very fitting for a very loving pup.  By him always wanting your love, you could forget about the world.  You were wanted and needed.  Pretty nice.

We knew he was winding down and we were holding our breath.  Andy had a cancer inside and his leaving was very hard.  We didn't think we could go through it again.  Andy had an enduring personality.  Bobby wouldn't be able to do it nor would we be able to handle it.  God was good in taking him so quickly even with the snow being so thick.  Dad and brother was able to lay him to rest.

Mom texted me this evening saying she was missing her couch buddy and my tears welled up again.  I know like with Andy the tears will flow less and the ache mellow and the sadness is laced with happy memories and yes, you want to hold him again and to have him twirl again.... but you quiet your emotions that the God of good gifts has a grander plan than I can know.

Just maybe after all the big end of the world things happen, that when I walk out into the Heaven's grand garden and pause... there Andy will be.  One moment he is looking at me with his handsome masked face and the next he will be jumping in my arms with his kisses.  My hands will catch a firm smooth tank body with no lumps and bumps to remind me of sin's curse.  Of course there will be Bobby finally enjoying the no allergy air twirling and smiling and wanting to get on the action.  I will get down on the ground and have a good pupinator tussle getting my fill of kisses and love... continuing my rejoicing of good gifts given and taken away...

skinny comments ...

I was born skinny and have always heard the comments about my weight.  One thing that is really hard to forget was the comments at Thanksgiving.  I never was a big fan of bread.  It had its place like a sandwich or toast for a quick brekkie but at Thanksgiving I was never going to allow it to trump the good food.  I could have a nice plate full of food and even take seconds now and again but because I didn't take a biscuit my poor grandmother would go on and on about how skinny I was and why wasn't I eating.  She knew better too as she thought my father was too skinny and hauled him off to the doctor only to hear that he was fine.  Like father like daughter.

Now with 36 food allergies keeping my food intake in check, I still hear the comments.  I go to a church that likes to eat and when I don't, the ladies make comments like 'no wonder you stay skinny.'  I still have body issues like all women and feel like I have to keep my mouth shut so as not to offend anyone else but oh, I am treated like their comments don't hurt or bother me.  I am quiet person and keep my raging thoughts inside because I don't want to backbite.  Then when I am having a low day, all these little things pile up into how big of a misfit I am.

I happened across a verse in the Bible that encourages me.  You can say that it is a bit out of context but then again it really fits. I am thinking I should make up a shirt to wear on the food events at church but then again that would be too pompous of me right?

"For the Kingdom of God 

is not the matter of eating and drinking,

but of Righteousness, Peace, and JOY in the Holy Spirit."

~Romans 14:17

I know that fellowship seems to involve food but that fellowship is broken when the peace is crushed and the JOY is stolen when you make the bad choice of making a food comment that breaks a woman's heart in two.  Please fellowship with me by taking a walk and talking about God's Beautiful Handiwork.  Please fellowship with me by making something with our hands and encouraging others with homemade happiness.  Oh, how much more we all could get out of fellowship if we could get rid of the food!

Though one day I will be able to eat in fellowship with Right Ways, Peace, and JOY in the Holy Spirit and it will be all the beautiful brightly colored fruits and veggies.  I will look at you with a twinkle in my eye because truly this is my Bridal Feast and no skinny comment will hurt or break me again.

ps.  Don't get me wrong.  I am glad I am skinny but it still hurts to hear women make comments.  And I am glad you can't read my mind because as you fill your plate with four and five desserts, all I can think of is cancer...... or diabetes..... all the borrowing of health issues...... and by no means does that mean I am safe but why borrow trouble we don't have to...

my 15,340 day ...

Dear Heavenly Father,
Of late I have been numbering my days along the lines of noting how in the most alone times of my life, I was not alone. Thank You, Heavenly Father for being there all along. During those elementary years I was learning to obey my parents but ultimately learning to love You. I can see You there smiling upon me as I stood on my faith. Even in those crazy teenage years where I would cry myself to sleep because I was so sad and wondering why You would even create me. What was Your purpose for me? You were listening so quietly but allowing me to discover the importance of valuing others. Then those those lousy self help twenty something years where I kept trying to fix myself, You were waiting to for me to stop and let you God-help me. Then in the thirties where I was choosing the wrong path and yet trying to hold onto You, You were waiting for me to choose You only. Each step of the way, You were there. Even today when I like to take off from work and indulge myself on all things fun, I couldn't and I was scared that it would be another blurring hassle filled day at work. You surprised me again and give me a quiet day where I could catch up. Just what I needed. Thank You that on a special day that was basically ordinary, You cared for me ever so deeply.

As this day has approached, I am more at peace with myself because I am more at peace with You. You gave me the Joy epiphany I so needed and now you are showing me that I do indeed have a very special love story all my own. It doesn't matter that I am single, I've got love! I cannot wait to flesh out Your Passion for me onto paper.

Thank You for Your Gift of Salvation and ultimately Your Presence. I rest most confidently upon You never leaving me nor forsaking me. I am truly blessed.

always Yours,
keeper

What seed are you?

2010 has been the year of cancer. I am surrounded and dazed. I need a way out but there is no escape. All I can do is listen.

With each announcement of the diagnosis and with each turn for the worse, I get busy with praying. I am just an observer feeling helpless on the sidelines. My deep feelings come out in liquid form even when I rest on His Promises - even when I know death will never have victory.

Through the trenches of prayer 'warrioring', God has brought hymns and scriptures to mind to boost my hope. Sometimes it comes in my daily reading of the Scriptures like I Corinthians 15:35-58. On first reading what hope is found! The wasting earthly body will be clothe with glorious immortal body. Now that is something I can shout about after seeing a believer's body succumb to the ravages of cancer. Within the anguishes of prayer I thank God for His Ultimate Design of our glorious bodies in our Everlasting Life.

With a mind that sees pictures, I paused on our earthly body as a seed sown. Aren't seeds little packages of hope and expectation? Hasn't God given us talents and gifts to use for others? Hasn't our journey been filled with hardships and pain resulting in lessons filled with treasure? Put this all together. Wouldn't all we do and all the journey lessons we have required be all neatly packaged in this seed we call our flesh? So what you put into it is what you get? What kind of seed are you? It is frighting and exciting at the same time!

As this year closes and a new one begins, I will be reflecting on little seeds. Well, more like one little seed - me! Such potential to lay this little package God-Designed seed at my Savior's feet or what if the seed doesn't germinate? Yikes! Time to embrace my gifts with more fervor and be more joyful of my journey lessons for when time is no more, this little seed sown will be revealed.... WOW!!

Happy New Year!

Best Christmas Gift Ever

Death came knocking several times in the later part of this year through means of cancer. My prayers have come before the Almighty with requests of Comfort and Joy to fill the hearts of the loved ones left on this earth as the holidays have arrived.

I got to know nasty pancreatic cancer first hand when this became the journey for two believers from my childhood days. Even though I saw the wasting away of the body first hand, God brought hope to my heart trough hymns and His Word. Even though tears where in my cup, Joy bubbled up in my heart.

As Christmas neared I found the best gift ever under the tree is where the nativity is nestled. In the shadow of the manger is the Cross and beyond is Sonrise of Everlasting Life. It is a GIFT. All you have to do is receive! Amid the lost of a beloved believer I know that when all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing will be.

As I was contemplating what my itching fingers wanted to write, sad news came. My 1st grade nephew was with family saying goodbyes to his grandmotherly neighbor babysitter who was dying of cancer. It ended traumatically as she breathed her last on this earth. Earth is full of pain and lost. We are human and no matter how strong your faith is, the stuff of earth weighs us down. Through it all for the believer the Son always shines through.

Receive the Best Gift ever today and if you have Eternal Life, enjoy your Abundant Joyful Everlasting Life with childhood abandon. Guess what? The Best Christmas Ever will be that Day of Rejoicing for all believers when Jesus Christ comes back for us!!!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

church membership...

With the applications in for church membership, it would be any moment know. So on Sunday, October 31st they asked to meet with us after church. The nerves began to rattle. I promise that I was listening to the sermon but I had to jot down a few notes to keep my heart still. Then it was time to give our testimonies. I get the Bobby-shakes and was trying to control them by putting my feet firmly down on the ground and my spine firmly into the back of the chair. Oh, you want to know what the Bobby-shakes are? Well, we have three fox terriers. Bobby is one who gets super nervous and starts to shake and twirl. Well, besides trying to control my shakes and not twirling {wicked wink}, I was trying to master my voice while being totally honest. That doesn't work when I tell of my journey with God. Tears stole into my voice but their was no leakage. I get a bit feisty when my heart betrays me by making my eyes tear up. Even though I am finally ok about being single and knowing that it is God's gift to me, I find it such a betrayal that I get so emotional like I am lying. I just wanted it soooo badly - the marriage thing, the husband thing, the wife thing - I had to give it up. I had pry my grubby fingers open and keep them open. It has been quite painful - so painful that it brings it all of it back and I cannot control it. Well, that is the backdrop. What comes next was so out of character that I know it was God saying this is ok and this is the church for me.

One of the deacons who by the front cover was friendly and outgoing put me at ease by saying that he could tell that I was sensitive. The rest sort of blurred out except that he mentioned his wife was a sensitive type too. I could tell that I was in a safe place. This church was going to be alright.

That night this same friendly deacon had an order of business to present to the church. He introduced us as an 'adorable' family and recommended that we be excepted as members of the church. Hands went very quickly and there we were members. The pastors thought it funny that we were called adorable. Then reported that we would get the 'right hand of fellowship' the next Sunday. Oh dear! Not good! That means we have to get up in front of the whole church!!! I leaned over and told Mom that she is conveniently was working that Sunday. Then the pastor said it was time to handshake. Wow! There was a lot of very friendly smiles and hand pumping coming our way. I have been to friendly churches but this one tops all the others.

November 7th dawns like a day that can't make up its mind whether it wants to be cold or warm. My body works on two different temperatures like a living in one time zone and working in another. My hands are cold and very cold especially outside or still. My heart and armpits are warm and very warm especially if I am on edge which for this shy girl can be quite a lot so knowing what to wear that will be comfortable and fitting is like a mental time bomb that is ticking down. I have made a personal decision to wear a more natural deodorant that works but not as well as others might in high sweat zone so tight fitting sleeves especially for the armpits was out. Everything had to be loose and warm enough but not to boiling. So with my selection that was down. Check on the potato sack! {wink}

It was the first thing of the morning service. Dad and I walked up there. The pastor talked to Dad said some things and shook his hand. Then it was my turn. What he said to me wasn't what I expected and again I smiled inwardly as I knew it was God saying everything is all right. He said this church is here for me. He did follow it up by what I knew was important that they would be looking forward to what I would give back. I really needed a safe place. I haven't had a church to ever be that safe place for me. So I am looking forward to this. I do want to serve but more in my quiet ways. Churches have become more and more out there where I feel like an outcast. I am an introvert and I need to love God quietly and to serve quietly. I think I will be able to do it here. I know I have gone backwards when it comes to soft and quiet. I have a lot of broken places in my heart when it comes to relationships and to church. These wounds I carry just might close up and heal now!

Well, what came next was a bit wild. The pastor then said to the congregation to shake hands with us. He wanted to see how many of them could shake our hands as we went back to our seats. That was a lot of hands and smiles and warm wishes. It blew my mind! Dad being a bit cheeky told Mom that the next Sunday it would be her turn. Too funny. It got Mom a going. She didn't have to.

The next Sunday we had mailboxes and certificate of membership. Wild, but I do feel at home and welcomed.

a high vs the everyday ...

At the monthly Bible study I started to attend, I made an observation that bothered me greatly. I got the sense that some feel the need to have an experience with God like having a high. This drives me crazy! I do not want a 'Jesus-high'. I need Him too much in my every day. In fact He promised He would never leave me nor forsake me. I am holding Him to that.

I want Him when I am in tears over a stupid job and when I have to serve with gladness with respectful obedience to a boss who I will never make happy. If I couldn't have Jesus with me when I go to work ... well, it just wouldn't be good. I want Him in the every day moments when my brain is thinking out processes so I can talk to Him and ask questions. He has always been patient and has opened my eyes to things that only He could reveal. He showed me how to crochet because I would kept trying and would get upset and throw it down. I search and He reveals. He knows the Mysteries and will reveal when the time is right. There are a lot of everyday things I involve Him in and I have to credit all of the dot connecting to His quiet directions.

I want Him when I look out into the evening sky and see a rosie golden sky scape as the sun pulls the covers over her head and I whisper in my head the awe of His Master work. Lately His sky has been so vocal with the heat and storms that even when I fear there is much awe in the power and beauty of it all. He has little old me written in His Hands so how can He forget me? How could I ever think of only experiencing Him in some kind of magical high?

I don't want to ever think that I want to escape it all and have some mystical magic high moment with Him. Yes, there are moments when we are to run to the Fortress that is higher than I. Think about it those 'to the Fortress I run' times aren't highs but troubles. Check out Psalms 18. There is no high rather it is God working out the issues that plague me. He is in the trenches with me quivering under His Wing. I am the watcher and my heart stills it frantic beat as I watch His expert Arm defending and protecting His little one. He is right there. Always. This isn't a high but plain old everyday. I like it like that. Isn't God Awesome in His Ways and His Understandings that is greater than little I?

My life isn't made up of all trouble. There are a lot of good times too. I don't think of them as highs because most are simple things yet profound when I think deeper to His under-workings. Especially when I am troubled and dwelling in the muck, I start to pull my vision away to Him by simply telling Him what I am grateful. I love bed covers even in summer heat. I love paper & ink. I love blue and how it makes me feel. I love the bashful bold purple that feels like royalty and still has a simple gracefulness to it. I like the warm sunshine and the cooling rain in the summer. I like the bright snow and the delicate snowflake in the winter. I pick out everyday things and put them in the light and thank my Master for them right there in the moment. Wouldn't you forget all the wonderful things to thank Him for if you waited to steal away to some magical high? Wouldn't you be caught up in the moment and nothing?

I love to have the Bible near. When my life is out of whack, my only true and solid answer comes from His Word. I must make this everyday. It is a conversation and for too long it has been one sided. I want Him to do the talking too. I am tired of my voice piercing the airwaves. I must hear His Voice many times a day. Haven't you ever missed a lover's voice? Interesting that often we claim that God is silent. What a lie! His letter has 66 books filled with His Voice!

NOOOOOO high for me. I want Him everyday in the midst of my simple everyday life. I take Him at His Promise of never leaving me nor forsaking me. I have a big shoes to fill. I love Him right? He is in my everyday right? Am I dwelling in Him every moment of my day???????

Jesus Christ's gifts to me ...

My thoughts of late have been about gifts and because it is Jesus Christ birth here on earth, I have been thinking about the gifts He has given me. Odd for the One with the birthday to be the giver of gifts but 'tis true!

Jesus Christ's first and foremost gift is Salvation & Eternal Life but you know what? He saves me from myself every day! I can make a mess of things but He is always there with pure and right ways which gives me comfort and joy even if it looks like I walk alone from the outside looking in.

This year Jesus took away my AP job and after a month of me stewing around with unemployment woes, He gave me a job back in Costing. Sure, I don't like this job but I thank Him for it and try to do my best at focusing. My sister-in-law has been without a job for a year now! I've been without a job for a good bit of time back in '03 but not sure how I would have faired this time around. I could be frustrated but I am not. I am just taking it bit by bit. The next gift helps a great deal...

Jesus also gave me a crochet hook this year. I could not have figured it out without Him. I want to make Amigurumi and on January 4th of this year, I was very excited to be making my first stitches. It has become such an addition. It is wonderful to keep the brain preoccupied with creating from the worries of life. I smile a lot and feel pretty fine when a creature is made and is smiling back at me. Sounds silly? No matter. My job feeds my passion and my passion feeds my delight!

There are a million other gifts Jesus has given .... and as I sign off with just a tiny few, know that I am continuing the gift list as mental exercise ... What gifts has Jesus given you this year?

giving homemade ...

This season I have been acutely aware of the giving of gifts. I had a co-worker tell of her gift giving. She gives of what she has no matter if that means re-gifting. Money is tight, but I think this is the norm for her. I don't think I can do that because I am usually using my gifts! I think re-gifting isn't too bad especially if the gift can be used or is needed by someone else. I have to admit that as crunch time approached, I did look around my house to see if there was anything worthy of giving. I didn't find anything.... lol.

I have had quite a bit of of painted glass leftover from a craft show flop in 2007 that I used and allowed others to dip into this year for gift giving. It came in quite handy especially when I felt moved twice to give something homemade and special. Mom is always making requests and I welcome them. One of my sister-in-laws need teacher gifts for her little preschooler and of course I was quite happy to do so. I want to paint but won't because I have too much crowding my tiny kitchen. The glass stash is getting lower and I will be happy to finally see the end to it. No more mass painting for craft shows. It is too painful to have my little masterpieces go without homes. Forget the encouraging comments! If you really like, buy! Oh well. I have become very self conscious of my painting and crafting abilities. If people won't buy them, do they really want to receive them? And don't tell me that I have them priced too high. I have them at decent rates and even marked them down this year to account for the empty pockets. Grrr! (think I better hush up & change the subject!)

So it has been hard on me to paint and craft without it really going anywhere. So I have decided not to create for money but for giving. I am sick of the last minute rush I find myself every time I make a prezzie. With January being a more quiet month, I am planning the gifts I am giving this year and making a place somewhere in this tiny home to stow them until it is time. I will tag them with the name and event. I will also make 'gift-extras' for those times one might need a gift on the fly. I have been doing some mental note taking on what gifts to make for my special people and I am quite excited. My dream is to have a stress free gift giving at birthdays and at Christmas. I also want the gifts to have good turn around. No more storage of vast amounts!

I will see how my confidence is at the end of the year. Maybe I will have end my quest of the homemade gift. Oh, that will be a hard day ..

hb gift ...

I decided that for his birthday this year the only thing I could do is pray.

A lesson that I began to get a grip on last fall was that it is time that I focus on what is solid and true. No more going with a gut feeling and this goes with the questions I ask God and my prayer life. What is solid and true? God and His Word.

With my relationship with guy who is a believer, I always focused on the Eternal. We might not be able to touch each other but we are in the Family and we spoke the Language. Because we were believers, I was always talking to God about my part in this relationship, however, my questions were asking for answers that would not be solid which means that I was going more on what I thought or felt what was right than beginning with God's Words. Look where this got me! NO WHERE. The relationship is gone and there was no fight to keep it. He just left and I was left with no way to get answers. It was hurtful and painful enough that I VOW to NEVER let the feelings get in the way of ROCK SOLID TRUTH.

So with the only thing being ROCK SOLID TRUTH - God and His Word, I have left this relationship as 'being knitted together'. (Oh, he was a good gift) Paul in many of his letters to the early churches starts off telling these early christians that he is praying for them and their faith. I love this so became the perfect gift so someone who was sooo precious to me who does not read emails and has moved and reverted into insular habits.

I took 13 days at 7ish AM & then every hour on the 12th day through the 13th day (since he is a day ahead) to pray for a Joy invasion for his life as well as trust, faith, & protection on his life. I used verses to pray. I also thanked God for the memories I had with 'the leaver' and my lessons learned and am continuing to learn.

A side note about keeping the focus on reading and doing what the Word says even in prayer, I noticed that I am not whining and whimpering and getting messy with my prayers. It is all about TALKING BACK the Word. I come away stronger and lighter. It doesn't mean that I don't feel sad or upset, I do still have all the feelings but my mind is being renewed.

It will be interesting to see how prayer worked here on earth when I reach the other shore.....

Ps 15: 8 & 29
... but the prayer of the upright is HIS DELIGHT.
... but He hears the prayers of the righteous.

AMEN!!!

hormones ...

I wonder what makes an imbalance of hormones in a woman when she begins her transition from child bearing and rearing to a woman of stature and sage. Is it the years of not taking care of your needs or is it the lack of proper eating and exercise? Is it working some job because it brings home the 'mula' but depletes the soul or is it the sour atmosphere that you keep or tolerate at work or at home? Is it plain and simply s-t-r-e-s-s? We all know what stress does to us so that is why I have been thinking this out..

I wonder if keeping my mind stayed upon Christ the Solid Rock and staying in the Word will keep my hormone levels balanced and keep stress at bay. I will be making this transition soon and have heard the horror stories and have question my own mother. I have become more and more anti-drugs for most things. For example, taking an aspirin for my food HA's only covers up the pain; it does not protect or prevent the blood cells from dying. I am not naive for there is a time for medication and a time for no medication and kicking the stress habit our lifestyle has created as a monster has got to be the key.

I have noticed some stress beaters for myself and the biggest stress reliever is my relationship with God. It has been a long time coming and I have a long way to go. I am a big time feeler and I will always feel but to rightly put them in God's hands by going the Word and laying hold of God's promises. I have got the praying without ceasing down as I rattle about alone at home but often before going to bed, I would cry as I battle out my frustrations. I hated it and myself. The last couple of years I have found solace in God's Word and now it has become an obsession to pray the Word. I don't cry over the frustrations before bed anymore. I am repeating the fear not messages.

This year's theme is allowing myself to be Romanced by God and to find my true beauty. Already I have come to terms with a certain desertion in my life. I have been getting over it only to find myself not over it. I think it is a growing experience and can't be learned at the drop of a heart. Hearts shatter and it takes time for them to heal because there are so many angles and edges to bring back together. God has been so very patient with me and has been very Masterful at gently healing my heart. I have soooooo many learnings that even through a fleshy experience God has worked it for my good and betterment. At this point in time I feel a satisfied heart beating in my chest because I am letting God romance me. I am so tired of being alone and learning everything I can about being a couple that I am finally going to embrace this single life. It was a dual life that began to eat me alive. God has said to choose life and I am making a life decision to choose a JOYFUL life.

So by embracing my relationship with God and embracing my single JOYFUL life, stress is on the run. So I wonder if by keeping a balanced and whole life, will it keep my hormones in balanced and I can enjoy the transition...? I kinda think so...

Fear NOT little one! Fearlessly walk with Me. I will keep you! Always your Heavenly Father and Keeper

fear vs faith ...

As my mind has been overloading on the 'fear not' message, I have decided that the opposite is faith.

But without faith
it is impossible to please Him,
for he who comes to God
must believe that He is,
and that He is a Rewarder
of those who diligently seek Him.
Heb 11:6

Shaking in fear is ugly and does not please the Maker but He knows that is very much apart of the flesh experience. So He is always quieting us with His Words if only we keep our hearts soft and open to Him. I love this verse as I really want my Heavenly Father to smile over me and be pleased at this little girl creation. I have been praying hard for my family and for me over the earthly fears. We will go through fire and flood (Isa 43:1-4) but He is my Keeper and He keeps us. By praying I keep my faith and trust focused on Him. I know by His Good Keeping, rewards of comfort and peace and ultimately Joy will overflow my heart...

FEAR NOT!!!

Instead of resolutions I choose a theme for each year as a way to seek God on something that I would like to enrich in my life. It isn't about change or self-help but rather seeking and having God-Help in my life. Some years I don't have a theme and what is cool is that God brings a theme into my life just like He did this year.

Towards the beginning of the year the whisper of ~fear not~ began. I saw it in that God never has told us to be discouraged or defeated. He is always saying to ~fear not and to take heart~! I just want to shout because it moved me so. Then September hit me like a freight train on a frantic mission of speed and evil - an old relationship tried to come back and the combining of two companies then with the $markets in a tailspin, I had feelings of sadness and wonderings. God sent in the sparrows so that I could hear His ~fear not~. My strength was renewed and I want to spread it to my family as each of us is affected since 3 of us have manufacturing jobs.

I am so thankful to have these two weeks off here in December even if it is because my place of work is teetering on the unknown. I have been on the go for so long and so fast, this calm is so welcomed and enjoyed. I do not know what January holds but I shout back that God took care of me with one job loss, He will take care of me in this one.

Who knows, maybe there will be a new beginning in work that I am passionate about! Last time God gave me the gift of JOY. So all I can be is excited and expectant for what He will bring!

I do feel frustrated when I see the men in my life get bogged down by the pressures of work and their loss of providing for their loved ones. I know this is crucial in a man's life so how does a girl reflect this ~fear not~ message into a man's life? I don't know but to quietly express it and convey to them how good they are in the providing. God will be showing me the way of encouraging because I seek ...

I am making a list of ~fear not passages from His Word. Try it! I using the Blue Letter Bible.com to do my study.

'The Lord Himself goes before you
& will be with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid;
Do not be discouraged.'
Deut 31:8

'For I the Lord thy God will hold your right hand,
saying unto thee, FEAR NOT;
I will help thee.'
Isa 41:13

'FEAR NOT for I have redeemed thee,
I have called thee by thy name;
thou art Mine.'
Isa 43:1

'Wait on the Lord,
Be of Good Courage
& He will strengthen thine heart ♡'
Ps 27:14

'I, even I, am He
Who comforts you.
Who are you to be afraid of mortal man?'
Isa 51:12

'The Lord will not allow the righteous soul to famish.'
Prov 10:3

'.. if God is for us, who can be against us?'
Rom 8:31

'The Lord gives strength to His people;
the Lord bless His people with peace.
Ps 29:11

'Look to the Lord
& His Strength;
Seek His Face always.
Remember the Wonders He has done,
His Miracles & the judgements He pronounced.'
Ps 105:4-5

'Rejoice in Christ Jesus
& have NO confidence in the flesh.'
Phil 3:3

'For God has NOT given us the spirit of fear,
but of POWER, and of LOVE, and of a SOUND MIND.'
II Tim 1:7

'And when I saw Him, I fell at His feet as dead.
And He laid His Right hand upon me, saying unto me,
FEAR NOT; I am the First and the Last.'
Rev 1:17

'Who shall not fear Thee, O Lord,
and glorify Thy Name?
For Thou only art Holy:
for all nations shall come and worship before Thee;
for Thy judgements are made manifest.'
Rev 15:4

So quake on earth, I SHALL NOT BE MOVED!

Merry Christmas & FEAR NOT!

FEAR NOT for behold,
I bring you Good Tidings of Great Joy
which will be to all people.
For there is born to you this day in the city of David
a SAVIOR, who is Christ the Lord.'
Luke 2:10-11

dead ends ...

I stumbled upon a really good book at the library that came to me at a really good time - 'God Works the Nightshift' by Ron Mehl. I loved this book as well as the 'Tender Commandments' that I went on a buying spree two years ago and got all his books.

Ron is a pastor who has leukemia. He knows the tender and dark side of living this life for God. Need some simple TLC? Read his books and maybe you will want to have him in your library. I feel that I can go back to his books over and over again. It is like a 'book soul mate'! Can that be? =)

I recently reread his book 'Surprise Endings' and now reading the last of his books I haven't read -'Dead Ends'. I am there feeling like I have been on a dead end for some time now but really has intensified in September. Tonight's chapter was about waiting rooms. Ahh, he really gave a good visual. Imagine that in your waiting room there is 'Noah reading a boating mag waiting for rain' etc. In my waiting room Noah is checking out my company's boat brochure as I am waiting to break out of a numbers job and into a writing books. {smiles} Oh, Ruth's in that waiting room too! She is waiting on a husband and Redeemer so I guess I am with good company.

God never ever said to be discouraged! Go ahead try to find it in His Word. Nope, it is always DON'T be afraid. DON'T be discouraged. Take heart. Be of Good Courage.

So here is to dead ends, nightshifts, and surprise endings...
*

''You seem so peaceful ...''

and this came from a guy who is a complainer and who isn't convinced there is a God. I was shocked and didn't say a word about peace. I did engage him on stuff that was bothering him and tried to let him know I was listening.

I am tenacious at heart and tend to let the sparks fly. I also retreat into a quiet zone when I am anxious. But of late I have been trying very hard to be more sage. So hearing a comment about looking like I am peaceful is very welcomed.

I still run hot and I don't want to lose that. Yet, when I read the Bible and dig into the promises, I have this deep seated knowledge that all is going to be ok. By claiming and declaring God-Promises and God-Attributes, peace does come over me.

I have always hated the idea of letting go - that comes because I am tenacious. Letting go has always meant giving up. But when you hold onto God and the world lets go, I feel very safe. It is like skydiving but way better because the feeling is more like a bubble around you as you are skydiving. You know the landing is all in God's Hands.

Romans 8:35-39
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What comfort to know that nothing will keep God away from me. He is relentless in His pursuit of me. He a constant never leaving me to fend for myself. Nor does He let me get in my own way. Pretty safe in His very capable Hands!! {happy sigh}

two footing it ...

I stopped by my parents on Thursday to pick up something and there peeking around the corner was precious Lucia. She is soooo cute. My niece is in the crawling stage and is so smiley. It is amazing to look into the younger generation and see parts of yourself. It moves your heart.

She has finally figured out the crawling but she much rather be walking instead. She pulls herself up, holds your hands and away she goes. This is more fun for her. Very interesting. Ethen, her cousin, never did crawl. He bypassed the stage and was two footing it. Amazing that crawling is not the in thing to do in our family!

A big lesson here! Something maybe this auntie will be able to impart upon these special gifts. If ever there is a tear in the eye or a pain in the heart my child, you never where into crawling. No, you were made for walking so walk tall!