bones need to be broken today!

In my little kingdom there is no assassinations shooting from the aggressive tongue to zap a happy mood and no invites that make the quiet and reserve go in a panic trying to say no in the most happy and gentle way.  All is well in my kingdom.  Even if the rains are staying for the four day, you are free to get down in some warm toasty sweats and brush out your hair.  Hot pea soup has been cooking just waiting for you to warm the belly.  Blankets are waiting to snuggle up with you.  You are free to read or crochet or listen to some oh so friendly 50's music.  If the music does the trick, you will be up on your feet swinging the blanket around as partner.  Don't you feel better?  I see that smile and your eyes have brighten.

Now tomorrow you shall be ready with a gentle tongue.  Keep your Defender close.  Send Him to the door.

~~~ ***~~~

"... a gentle tongue breaks a bone." 

Proverbs 25:5

"How can anyone enter a Strong Man's house and carry off His possessions 

unless he ties up the Strong Man?  

Then he can rob His house.  

He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters."  

Matthew 12:29-30

"Therefore, be imitators of God as dear children.

And walk in LOVE,

as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us,

an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma.

Ephesians 5:1-2

spirit for life's hard balls ...

Mom told me over the weekend that Dad is struggling with work.  The boss came in and wants to bring a younger guy to head up the team that my Dad is in charge of.  My Dad is very diligent and puts a lot of pride into what he does.  Now he has a weight on his heart.  I am frustrated.  He doesn't need anymore health issues to kick up at this time of his life.

Then I realized what Chuck Swindoll had said about Daniel ~ "The employer will notice your spirit before he will notice your diligence." ~ is right on.  When the hard balls or the fast balls come into your life, your diligence will not rise up and meet it rather it is your spirit.  You can cop a bad attitude or you can choose to be more relaxed and soft.  I totally got it.

I was a bit concerned because diligence is such a good word and such a good characteristic to have.  I am tenacious and I think it is a kin to persistence.  However, if you can keep love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control (Galatians 5:16-22) on the front lines then it makes room for the diligence and tenacity to cover the rear guard.

I've been whispering under my breath that a gentle spirit comes before diligence to keep reminding myself when the boss gets a bit feisty.  My prayer for my Dad during this time is for his spirit to reflect the Fruit of the Spirit along with that heaviness on his heart to go away...

spirit before diligence ...

I was in a terrible state of mind.  The backlog of work and the cantankerous computer was weighing on my thoughts as I felt my world was sliding down the drain.  I was all excited with the new system update because I could do it.  I wasn't afraid.  I wanted to let it rip.  I had a week's work to put in the system because the higher ups didn't shut down production even with a shaky economy.  I would have done things differently so my employees could be more successful and happy.  Opps, I'm the employee not the boss so I had to work with what was given.  Last week I felt that this new update was like having a bright red shiny car with no engine.  The desk that I like leaving clean was messy with things not done.  Requests were filling up my conscious.  Would I ever catch up?  Would I ever be on top and ahead of the game so that the nagging would stop?

Needless, to say this gentle quiet spirit that dislikes drama felt the fire kicking up to a full roar.  It showed too.  Not good at all.  It has taken a long time to have this calm and here I was feeling the friction between the boss and me.  I was coming home mad at myself.  I knew better and yet I was letting this get to me.  I know that this drama would not matter in Eternity only how I handled myself would.

Yesterday I did catch up for the most part.  Today I feel even better.  I am back to the gentle quiet spirit. I hate having learned the long tough way and feel I like I have fallen backwards.  I think I discovered something.  Chuck Swindoll has been talking about Daniel yesterday and today.  Swindoll said something that really got me to thinking about my spirit and how my boss is seeing me.

I work for a very challenging female boss.  Her basic demeanor is gruff.  A lot of times she shoots from the hip and comes off in an accusing manner.  She can be abusive even though I am sure she doesn't mean to be.  I tried to get away from her and was able to work in another department for awhile until the economy tanked and I was let go.  In order to have a job I had to work for her.  I was hoping for a temporary time of it but it doesn't look like there will be any way of escape.  I have come to terms with it all by the language of thanksgiving.  When I thanked God for the job I hated and for the boss that was making the me seethe, then God gave me a calm.

So what did Swindoll say that got me to thinking about these past two weeks?  "The employer will notice your spirit before he will notice your diligence."  (Chuck Swindoll on Daniel's behavior)  I had to think about this and I still am.  See, I notice if I can stay even keel and calm and not respond negatively to the terse words the boss flings about like free candy thrown at the local fair parade, she doesn't get mad at me and let lose.  I think that just might be the spirit Chuck was talking about.  I don't understand why diligence would be second to spirit but I know when I pose this question to God, He comes with epiphanies and lessons to get excited about learning it.
（*＾〜＾*）

worldy vs Godly...

CC:
• A boss who pops off without censer and is a 'huffer'. Everything is a problem and a crisis.
• I gave notice that I might need watch my niece when her baby sister arrives. Due the 18th.
• boss is taking vacation from the 18th - 28th and my job has to done immediately and she is my cover. It cannot wait.
• boss huffed and puffed. Her commit was "let's hope baby comes early.
• I let her ruin my weekend. I do not like confrontation and it always ends badly on me.
• Pastor finished up his "conquered conflict" series Sunday night. I felt that God wanted me to do something to end this conflict quickly and Godly. But shouldn't I just cover in love and forget about it?
• I am a stuffer and I am quiet. I hate confronting or trying to talk to my boss because I don't want to end in tears or say something badly. If I did confront, I would have to do through my personality and no other.

• I used James 1 & 3:17 & 18 to ask for Wisdom.
*** do not doubt. Do not be tossed about by what the world does or deems right***
1. pure
2. peaceable
3. gentle
4. willing to yield
5. full of mercy
6. good fruit
7. without partiality or duplicity (hypocrisy or double standards

Boss,
I know we have a problem with our conflicting schedules. I felt it was the right thing to do to alert you on the possible but not definite need to take off to watch my niece when her baby sister is born. I was asked among others so I highly doubt I will be needed but I won't tell my brother no. I am responsible and extremely aware that my job is timely and must be immediate. I am always thinking things through when I ask off so as not to be a burden or as little burden as possible. I feel that is only right to play fair. If I am asked to take care of my niece, I am sure that I can come in the afternoon to take care of production. I really feel there will be nothing to stress or worry about. Things will work out for family as well as work.

I asked off for Tuesday but will have to change that unfortunately to Thursday because of a funeral I need to attend.

My intention for this note is to be respectful to my family as well as my job and to bring down the stress level.

keeper

results:
She came into my office holding the vacation request and the note I attached and proceeded in a civil tone that I would be training a back up for the next two days and then left my office. I was ok with that and a bit surprised that she didn't bring up my note even though it was in plain sight in her hands. She did spout off to the employee who will cover for me that I couldn't take off because she would be in meetings but took it back.

interesting find:
As I was going through my note with a fine tooth comb, different scenarios came to play and also different reactions that might be said. I began to realize that the world's ways are so saturated all around me. I really had to be on point not to react in a worldly way but also not back down on my position of peaceable respect that God desires. Even Christians will critique you through worldly eyes without even realizing it. Always err on the right side! Keep asking 'is this worldly advise or Godly Wisdom'? Have a tough stance on this. I think you will be blown away how easy you are duped!

I am by no means saying that what I did was right. I still wonder but then I go back to 'no doubts'.... there was no major blood shed, no raised voices, no harboring ill will.... it seemed to work...

James 1: 5-8
But if any of you lacketh wisdom, let him ask of God,
who giveth to all liberally and upbraideth not;
and it shall be given him.
But let him ask in faith, nothing doubting:
for he that doubteth is like the surge of the sea driven by the wind and tossed.
For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord;
a doubleminded man, unstable in all his ways.

James 3:17-18
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure,
then peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated,
full of mercy and good fruits, without variance, without hypocrisy.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace for them that make peace.

side note:
I do have a very challenging boss but she is human and will get frustrated to tears. She is a grandma and like all grandmas likes to talk about her grandchildren. She takes on a tough job that no one else likes to do and is very dedicated to it. She has been at this job for way too many years to count. She gets mad and panicky when her job is threatened just like all of us. I know I could not have put up with this kind of job for that long. That is my honor list for her and I need to say it when there are 'grumblings' about... I must respect her and this is my most exacting part of my job...

a high vs the everyday ...

At the monthly Bible study I started to attend, I made an observation that bothered me greatly. I got the sense that some feel the need to have an experience with God like having a high. This drives me crazy! I do not want a 'Jesus-high'. I need Him too much in my every day. In fact He promised He would never leave me nor forsake me. I am holding Him to that.

I want Him when I am in tears over a stupid job and when I have to serve with gladness with respectful obedience to a boss who I will never make happy. If I couldn't have Jesus with me when I go to work ... well, it just wouldn't be good. I want Him in the every day moments when my brain is thinking out processes so I can talk to Him and ask questions. He has always been patient and has opened my eyes to things that only He could reveal. He showed me how to crochet because I would kept trying and would get upset and throw it down. I search and He reveals. He knows the Mysteries and will reveal when the time is right. There are a lot of everyday things I involve Him in and I have to credit all of the dot connecting to His quiet directions.

I want Him when I look out into the evening sky and see a rosie golden sky scape as the sun pulls the covers over her head and I whisper in my head the awe of His Master work. Lately His sky has been so vocal with the heat and storms that even when I fear there is much awe in the power and beauty of it all. He has little old me written in His Hands so how can He forget me? How could I ever think of only experiencing Him in some kind of magical high?

I don't want to ever think that I want to escape it all and have some mystical magic high moment with Him. Yes, there are moments when we are to run to the Fortress that is higher than I. Think about it those 'to the Fortress I run' times aren't highs but troubles. Check out Psalms 18. There is no high rather it is God working out the issues that plague me. He is in the trenches with me quivering under His Wing. I am the watcher and my heart stills it frantic beat as I watch His expert Arm defending and protecting His little one. He is right there. Always. This isn't a high but plain old everyday. I like it like that. Isn't God Awesome in His Ways and His Understandings that is greater than little I?

My life isn't made up of all trouble. There are a lot of good times too. I don't think of them as highs because most are simple things yet profound when I think deeper to His under-workings. Especially when I am troubled and dwelling in the muck, I start to pull my vision away to Him by simply telling Him what I am grateful. I love bed covers even in summer heat. I love paper & ink. I love blue and how it makes me feel. I love the bashful bold purple that feels like royalty and still has a simple gracefulness to it. I like the warm sunshine and the cooling rain in the summer. I like the bright snow and the delicate snowflake in the winter. I pick out everyday things and put them in the light and thank my Master for them right there in the moment. Wouldn't you forget all the wonderful things to thank Him for if you waited to steal away to some magical high? Wouldn't you be caught up in the moment and nothing?

I love to have the Bible near. When my life is out of whack, my only true and solid answer comes from His Word. I must make this everyday. It is a conversation and for too long it has been one sided. I want Him to do the talking too. I am tired of my voice piercing the airwaves. I must hear His Voice many times a day. Haven't you ever missed a lover's voice? Interesting that often we claim that God is silent. What a lie! His letter has 66 books filled with His Voice!

NOOOOOO high for me. I want Him everyday in the midst of my simple everyday life. I take Him at His Promise of never leaving me nor forsaking me. I have a big shoes to fill. I love Him right? He is in my everyday right? Am I dwelling in Him every moment of my day???????

working for a 'huffer'

To serve with gladness has been taking a lot of trying to stand down & re-coat my back for extra ease of letting things roll off. I just cannot work in a constant state of trembling and huffing. If I wanted to work in such a place than I would be a police girl in a riot.

I had to take this job because it was offer from the same company that let me go from AP when the economy down turned. I didn't want this job but felt that God had something to this. I really want to be creative instead of being a bean counter and mastering excel sheets. I cried out to God last night on my way home and I promised that I would not think about w@(& during MY weekend.

Last week God brought me a rainbow to take the bend out of my back, this week it is a new favorite book that I happened to get on Monday when I took a day off to visit with a friend who is back from Germany. (this day off made me work 40hrs in 4 days to try to keep the boss happy with no luck.) The book is "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J. Roberts. It is written as God talking to you. I am eating it up!

This is what I am dwelling on today:
Safety in God's Will
My Will is not a place, but a condition. Do not ask Me WHERE or WHEN, but ask Me HOW. You will discover blessing in every place, and any place, if thy spirit is in tune with Me. No place nor time is more hallow than another when ye are truly in love with Me.

I direct every motion in thy life, as the ocean bears a ship. Your will and intelligence may be at the helm, but divine providence and sovereignty are stronger forces. Ye can trust Me, knowing that any pressure that I bring to bear upon thy life is initiated by My Love, and I will not do this except as ye are willing and desire.

Many a ship has sailed from port to port with no interference by Me, because Strong Will has been at the wheel. Multitudes of pleasure cruises go merrily in their ways, untouched by the Power of My Hand.

But ye have put thy life into My Keeping, and because ye are depending on Me for guidance and direction, I shall give it. Move on steadily, and know that the waters that carry thee are the waters of My Love and My Kindness, and I shall keep thee on the right course.

Wow! I have found a new favorite book and author and want to get all of her books. What a blessing to dear broken and weary heart.

whistling in the dark ...

I have been messed up all week and unfortunately it shows on my face and I am unable to speak much. Others were beginning to notice. By others, I mean strangers. This has been frustrating me that I know what I should do but getting there has been a hard to do.

I called my parents Friday afternoon hoping that Mom was home from work early but I got Dad who took the afternoon off. A nice conversation with him has allowed me to get out of my funk and I am quite pleased. We talked about God's plan and how it could help me with my dreams if I should go into self employment. We talked about how our personalities are introverts and how it is ok to speak out when there is something we don't understand if done in respect. Our quiet personalities allow for deep thought and bosses tend to want to hear them. We talked about it being ok to be frustrated at myself for being frustrated about having a job opportunity even if it isn't what I had hoped. I am indeed very fortunate to have this job. We talked that it spoke much about the company wanting to hire me back when there were others to pick from.

I think what tipped me over to the right thinking was that he said it was ok to be frustrated for being frustrated over what I was feeling. He didn't say I was wrong and just that help kick start me out of my rut.

Earlier in the day I stumbled upon Psalms 145 & 146. I am so glad that God makes the blind see. I now feel I have verses to pray on as I go through this time in my life. I have wrote at the bottom of I Peter to go straight to Psalms 100, 145, & 146. I Peter is all about suffering and casting all upon God but through that suffering you definitely need something to whistle on. These Psalms are perfect for whistling in the dark...

tale of two cities ...

Like a city whose walls are broken down
is a man who lacks self control.
~ proverbs 25:28

There is a city whose walls are broken down. There is garbage in the streets. It is a noisy and scary place with yelling and gunfire the norm. Houses, sidewalks, swing sets, and cars are broken down. Stores, roads, and bridges are broken down. Churches look like a ghost town. People look tired and roughed up. Disrespect runs wild. You don't want to be caught alone out in the streets. Nothing is holding the city together. Travelers see the broken walls and the spillage so they avoid the city at all costs.

Then there is a city whose walls are built up and contained. Within there are gardens and picket fences, little houses and swing sets, flowers and flags, clean sidewalks and kids playing, neighbors being neighborly and hands helping up. This is the place to be where respect is king. At night the houses twinkle with lights and fires in the hearth. It is ok to be out at night but the best place to be is around the supper table. Travelers come and stay awhile just to soak up a simpler time.

As I tell this tale of two cities these walls are not about keeping others out but rather about living inside your box without spilling your waste into others lives. I have always called that living outside your box. Please don't get that confused with thinking outside the box which is good. Living outside your box is very unneighborly, disrespectful, and down right rude. Think about going to a nice restaurant to have a delicious meal with all the good home cook aroma to only have it messed up by someone who wants to smoke. (Sounds like where I live!)

I was humbled when I read this Proverb as I am wrapping my mind and trying to get my stubborn heart to mind itself over this opportunity to work even though my heart was wishing for my dreams to come true. I need a bit of self control. I need to put the smoke out. I need to get it right...

''A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor rather than silver and gold.''
~prov 22: 1

''Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before unknown men.''
~prov 22:29

So here is to self control, loving favor, and being a hard worker...

acceptance ...

{Sighs} I got word that I got the job in bill of materials even after what I thought was a bad interview by one of my answers. I had been a mess since I got word from the old work place about this job. It was an opening that happened once before and I ducked down not wanting it then nor do I want it now. Only by telling God that this was not my strength and that I would actually have to break my will so that I would come to it with a good attitude did the angst begin to die down. What was horrifying to me was Mr. Potts who won Britain's Got Talent came to my mind. He came to the contest a beaten and broken down man who had been stuffed into a job he didn't like. I don't want my dreams to die out on me. Anyways, I felt that the others who interviewed would get it before me. Nope, I got it. Now with unemployment you have to accept what is offered to you or you don't get paid what time you were off. This infuriates me. However, I have till Tuesday to get my attitude under control.....

from "Bedside Blessing" - May 19 - by Chuck Swindoll
'The secret to responsible trust is acceptance. Acceptance is taking from God's Hand absolutely everything He gives, looking into His Face in trust and thanksgiving, knowing that the confinement of the hedge we're in is good and for His Glory. Even though what we're enduring may be painful, it's good simply because God Himself has allowed it. Acceptance is resting in God's goodness, believing that He has all things under control - ...'
Let us not lose heart
in doing good, for in due time
we will reap
if we do not grow weary.
~Gal 6:9

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: THE BOSS
Subj: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

"Humble yourselves under the Mighty Hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time. Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour.

Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all Grace, who called us to His Eternal Glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, established, strengthen, and settle you.

To Him be the Glory and Dominion forever and ever. Amen.''
~1 Pet 5:6-11

"Wait on the Lord;
be of good courage,
and He will strengthen your heart;
WAIT, I say, on the Lord''
~Ps 27:14

Will my dreams matter here on earth?

anatomy of strength ...

Strength is lightness in your step.
Strength is an insatiable need to learn more.
Strength is addictive.
Strength makes the twinkle in the eye.
Strength is time stopping or getting lost in the moment.
Strength is food most necessary for the heart to survive.
Strength is humble and in awe of the potential.
Strength is not of your own making but is from God's.
Strength is an uprising of unstoppable excitement.
Strength is highly desired in what you do.
Strength gets you out of bed and makes you ready for the day.
Strength is a challenge you want to achieve.
Strength is growing and stretching.
Strength is feeling alive.
Strength is arms open wide and a glowing face tipped back with a smile bursting.

Here I go again getting my 'believe in your dream' soapbox out and standing firmly up it. But after going in a tailspin over a job offer that I would have to break my will to do, I came to the midnight conclusion that this job offer needs to go to someone who really enjoys it. I have found a peace that it will be alright if it goes to someone else. However, I am not sure what I will make of it if the job offer is offered to me. I have prayed and I am still seeking God's Word in this matter. I most hated myself and my feelings yesterday. Today's outlook is bright. I do have a renewed energy to enjoy my jobless state. I felt very embarrassed when an old co-worker asked if I was enjoying my time off. Honestly I wasn't ... totally - just in parts. Now for enjoying all parts.

herbal dream seeds ...

This no green thumb girl is at it again. I have always wanted to grow herbs because they bring simple flavor to a simple dish of grub. I think it all started because Mom had chives out in the garden and it was my job to cut the blades for that nights supper whether it was for the potatoes or lettuce salad or Mom's favorite chicken salad. Chives has always been my favorite herb with its soft bite of onion or garlic pizazz.

Being an apartment dweller I have tried to be an indoor pot green thumb. Chives, lavender, lemon trees - I am sure there where other things that I have tried with tears of frustration and anger pooling in my eyes because they ended in failure. So have I learned my lesson that I am only successful at growing the Philodendron? Nope. The Philodendron is a plant that takes it when the water source is lacking but for my love of herbal side, it doesn't feed the flavor of food.

Being unemployed at the moment I thought it was time to try my thumbs at some herbs. Instead of doing them indoors or even outdoors here at the apartment, I will be doing them at my parent's place. It won't be as convenient as running down to sip herbs for the meal at hand but maybe being outside where animals won't pee on or where they won't be mowed down by fast lawn boys or ripped out by children. They might have a chance.

My three choices in this round of the green thumb dream is Garlic Chives, Oregano, and Cilantro. The pots where selected, the holes covered, the dirt filled in and watered, the seeds planted. Now for the wait. Oh, if I could stop the worry too. The Oregano seeds were sooooo tiny! But with every seed within lies a living hope, right?

As I tell this tale of my herbal journey, it really is about my dream journey too. I have soooo many dreams that I keep planting and nothing happens. I am sooo tired. I am sooooo frustrated. I wonder why God has made me so with these creative dreams and this drive where I am a bit of a loner. I hate following the crowd and question the followers true path.

I figured that God was working a new thing in my life with this job loss as He had with the last one. Maybe this time I would be able to follow my dreams. But I got a call last night from the work that permanently laid me off. It is not the Accounts Payable that I was in but for costing. Accounts Payable was a good place and much better than costing for me. Don't I have to take this job in order to get Unemployment Benefits? Here it goes again that the company has more power than I and there goes my dreams. It upsets me so that I feel this way. I was suppose to be more grow up in my faith. I am suppose to tackle this with JOY and I am failing.

I so wanted to try to write for a living where in my free time I would be creative. I have planted the dreams seeds out to see what would happen. I was hoping for little green to peek through the dirt. Some seeds died underneath the dirt and some popped up green leaves to only wither away. I know every crisis contains a gift but I haven't figured out what is beneath the painful wrappings. I am out of whack so I am trying to seek God's Word. Do I really trust and obey? I must. I must...

from Bedside Blessings - May 18 by Chuck Swindoll
'You don't have to promote yourself if you've got the stuff. If you're good, if you are to be used of God, they'll find you. God will promote you. I don't care what the world system says. I urge you to let God do the promoting! Let God do the exalting! In the meantime, sit quietly under His Hand. That's not popular counsel, I realize, but it sure works. Furthermore, you will never have to wonder in the future if it was you or the Lord who made things happen. And if He chooses to use you in a mighty way, really 'exalt' you, you won't have any reason to get conceited. He did it all!
A humble spirit will obtain honor.
Proverbs 29:23

I have a castle to keep, armor to put on, and hiding the Word of God in my heart so that all that I say and do is humble and gives glory to God. I must keep the flag of JOY, Living Hope, and Trust flying high and strong. I will see in due time the dots that seem erratic line up.

Fear NOT little girl. Do you trust Me?

teamwork in the workplace ...

As I was updating my resume, I came to the two words that I have dealt with in my personal life but here they were again in my work life. 'Working alone' & teamwork' are the perps. In my personal life I have realized a problem between the two. I am a single girl living a single life but desperately trying to live a team life. I am always searching ways to be a good wife and trying to work it in my single life. I finally realized that I had one foot in the single life because of course that is reality and the other foot is in a couple-hood w/no mate which was total fantasy on my part. A great word picture would be that you are riding a fence that is going no where. I now have a word for it or a label - it is duplicity. Guess what duplicity means? It is deceitfulness and double dealing! Yikes! I was mortified to see that I had been deceitful with myself.

I am a life learner and I will be working out how to be a good wife but in my single life. I have a relationship with Christ Jesus and I am His Bride. No more duplicity.

Now to my work life. I noticed that I work best on my own without a boss hovering over my every move. In fact I had a piece of that until the they consolidated and I had more boss. I struggle with it very much. Now I do like team ship and always will but I believe that it really doesn't work in the business world as it should. I have not had an example of good teamwork in any of the places that I have worked. It has always been about self rise or the corporation over the group of people that make that corporation run.

A team is about each person bringing their strength to the group and working that strength. However, in the work world there is too much competition and stepping on each other to be better and get the better bucks. When you are not wired to compete, you make a good rug. So when it comes to the resume, what do you put down?! I am smirking because what I would put down with bare bone honesty which would guarantee a paper airplane ride to file thirteen with amazing turbo speed.

Maybe my definition of team for the business world needs to change a little bit. My personal definition for team is working your strengths out for the us. I have made a commitment and feel that this team member is worthy of my devotion and protection. I am always going to seek out their good. Not so good at work when you have to be in a group and you have no choice but the choice to work at this workplace and this workplace should trump any individual rise up the corporate ladder. Ok, I do think I have gone around the mulberry bush a tad too many times!

Well, on my resume I have it as that I am a hard worker who works great alone and likes teamwork. It is as honest as I can get. If they ask about teamwork, I will tell them that a good team is each person contributing their best strength for the workplace. I do believe that is the best teamwork for a business. It may be that I am settling for the good of the corporation and not for the little people that make it up but ultimately for me it comes back to little old me giving my best work as I work unto God and not man. It just might mean that I am 'used' but there is a bigger picture.... God's glory.

the bit or no bit ...

Swindoll was speaking about Psalms 32:7-11 this week. There is a chorus on Psalms 32:7 heard on BNN that is haunting and reminds me of the Phantom of the Opera! So I was intrigued to hear what more I could glean from this passage.

Swindoll was speaking how God was speaking in verse 8 and I was pulled into the word picture of the donkey and horse needing a bit to have them listen to the boss. I realized that during these times of Hiding Places, I need to follow willing and joyfully my Heavenly Father. He is such an excellent guide always keeping His eye on me. So when I don't know what to do, follow God!

6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to You
while You may be found;
surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him.

7 You are my Hiding Place;
You will protect me from trouble
and surround me with Songs of Deliverance.
Selah

8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.

9 Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.

10 Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.

11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!

~ Psalms 32

the race set before me ...

I was intrigued by the words set in Hebrews 12:1-3 ~the race set before me~. It isn't the race I imagined or wanted. It isn't the normal rat race set up by mere weak men. It IS a race set out by God for me. It is a race that is unknown and scary and something I have put my mind to before but have not put my feet to until now.

However, I need not worry about my feet but rather my eyes. The next words following this set race is 'looking to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith'. Oh, wow! With my eyes fully fixed on Jesus, I can FINISH this race with my head held high and joy overflowing in my heart!!!

1) Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
2) Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3) Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
~ Hebrews 12

a woman's work place ...

Two weeks ago when I had great angst about my woman boss did I really try to put to thought and words what I have been feeling all along about women in the work place. So here it goes!

I have never truly felt at home in the work place but I am the bread winner so I must I am not into competition and a bit shy. I do not like to follow the crowd nor to I do to well with being told what to do. I cringe and get smaller under criticism. I have always wanted to be a part of a good team but never found one. I am not a leader type because no one wants to follow me. I am a very hard worker and find myself working my best at being left alone. It may sound like I am not a good worker but I know that is not true. I am most dependable.

I have been seeking the Word for clues to my malaise and I keep going to Proverbs 31 for help. She starts off as being valuable to her husband. She is confident and good not for selfish means but in the care for her husband and home.

Now begins with the work that she does. She is able to select wool and flax and is eager to work with it. Now I didn't always work with yarn so I am not going to say a true woman must - no. I do believe that a woman knows what works best in her hands when it comes to what she is good at. Next she gathers food from afar. Hmm, I used to bake before I found out where my HA's came from. I cook but am not confident to have others taste and critique. But I do gather here that she is interested in nourishing her family. She knows what is good for them and what isn't. She also knows the health of family. She gets up early! Well, ugh... Moving on... She is a leader as she cares for her family and her servant girls. Well, lookie here. She has servants to help her but to honestly put it into day's world, it shows that she can lead. She buys land and with her earnings plants a vineyard. She is a gardener. She likes plants and flowers. She knows what feeds not just the body, but the mind, heart, and soul. I love the fact that she has strong arms and works vigorously. She is a hard worker and not afraid to get into it. She sells what she makes or gardens. She likes the trade. She is generous to those in need. Her home is warm and her family are clothed in warmth. Her home is decorated in royal colors of richness. Her list goes on and on.

Bottom line a woman's work is creative, nurturing, home keeping, and generous. Two words? A creator & nurturer. So how does a modern day woman deal with the business world? What if a woman isn't creative but a numbers girl? Can she be a biblical woman in the business dog eat dog world? Can a woman bring the woman of Proverbs 31 into the work place?

I know I feel frustrated in today's work place. I know I am a Proverbs 31 type of girl. I am creative and a nurturer. I like being at home. I like keeping my home but I must work. So what if I could find work being a Proverbs 31 girl in the work place? And what would it look like?

looking forward ...

I've been a funk and I know better. I do think it is a process to travel through and to get my bearings for the new terrain. You can prepare and thought you have traveled this spot once before, but it still acts new and it is like processing a death. All deaths are unique and new. So I can either get more into a funk or be ok and move forward.

God is good at giving me His Word to hold onto. Today Luke 9:62 really caught me and challenges my mind when it seems easier to give into the dark thoughts and immobility they bring. ''But Jesus said to him, 'No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the Kingdom of God.''' I was feeling pretty guilty. More Words & Word Pictures came to mind. I do not want to be a Lot's wife who looked back and became forever a pillar of salt. She outright rejected God's best for her. Instead God wants us to be salt - tasty and light.

I have found a small treasure trove of verses that put your focus in the right direction.

''Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
~ Isa 43:18-19

... forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press towards the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. ~ Phil 3:13-14

Let your eyes look straight ahead,
and your eyelids look right before you.
Ponder the path of your feet,
and let all your ways be established.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
remove your foot from evil.
~ Prov 4:25-27

What I need to get back to was the grow spurt I had at my last job loss. I focused on God-Victories. I sang chorus & hymns. I meditated on God's Word. I hope that I shake off this fog and get on with this unexpected home time. I do have a lot to do with my home and with my creativity. Now is the time to sing, talk back, organize, and get creative - oh, and look for another job...

a specific job ...

From ''Bedside Blessings'' by Charles Swindoll April 24th reads:

Be specific in your prayer life. If you need a job, pray for a job. If you're an engineer, ask God to open up an engineering position for you, or something related for which you are qualified . . . . If you need fifteen hundred dollars for tuition, ask for that amount. Make your petitions specific.

He will surely be gracious to you
at the sound of your cry;
when He hears it, He will answer you.
Isa 30:19

Whew! I know that I need to be specific in my prayers but to read this on the very day I am unemployed reminds me that God is in control. I know He has great plans for me ... am I willing to TRUST?

I have been reviewing what I am good at and where my strengths lie. I want a job that is creative. I would love to write but I have not had any bites of encouragement. I do plan to get back to the basics of my English degree and get back to studying my passion. I would love to be creative. My crafts have gotten me no where and leave me discouraged. There is a lot of talk but no action. There is a ton of work on my side with no results. I am great at self learning and works well alone. I like teamwork but never have seen it work in the business world. I love being organize as it allows for work to be done well and efficiently.

I am not sure where that leaves me but I am working out the specifics and resting that God is working for my good. I have to remember that this is the in between time where brainstorming is king and I love brainstorming! When it about staying above the water, it is hard to wait patiently. I am too hard on myself. I want to keep my mind renewed but I want to be kind to myself as well.

Off to figure out unemployment...

The battle is the Lord's

jobless ...

What I thought would be coming sometime over the summer with more time off and on and then total let go, came mid morning Friday, April 24th. That was the last day of work for me. There is more job losses yet with the plant still working and boats piling up in the front of the plant and in the back. When my mind goes back, it still baffles me.

My man boss did come in after and said how sorry he was and that it wasn't his discussion that there where other jobs that should have gone before me but his name isn't on the door. He also said that I was a good worker and that I did a good job and that was not the reason for the let go. He also said that whatever he said really doesn't help because those same words have been told to him and they didn't help. I did convey to him that I had really enjoyed working for him and this is truly honest because he has been the best so far.

The christian HR person who is a good friend of mine told her boss that she would not be the one to be in the room when they let me go. Minutes after she did come down with a card. I told her not to go so fast that I would like a hug. She gave me the best hug.

I did have to go to my female boss and ask her if she wanted to go over things before I left. I had been waiting for her to ask me but she didn't. Not sure what was up with that. My mom said that she wouldn't have been so kind (she is being the protective lioness here and I appreciate this). I told mom that I couldn't do that after the verses I gathered from the Word about being a good servant to my earthly masters. I did tell mom that I find it disturbing that no matter how much of a hard worker that I am that it depends on the style of getting the work done to whether someone was a good worker or not. I know my style greatly differ from the girl boss I have that came in after I had learned my post from another plant that we had consolidated. So when she takes over and she does her style then my style of things will only mean that I didn't do a good job. {sighs} But that is past and I am looking forward...

As I was leaving other girls in the office where quite shocked and now worried. They figured my job would keep me there longer. I did pay the bills and those invoices were coming in like crazy. Why they are still building boats is beyond me.... ok, I know forward thinking now.

To be really honest I was getting more and more frustrated with my job since last September. I also knew that if the things got worse, the job would get worse and I didn't know if I wanted to deal with it. I am a creative person stuck in a numbers job that was increasing becoming more confining. I didn't know what to do. My creative side gets really battered every time I try to make a go of it and it fails. I have been looking at this job direst as God working a way for my creative side to bring home the bread and butter.

My heart did bottom out and I had tears. I did get the mad feelings, the zombie feelings, the remembering feelings, the back and forth feelings, and the extreme feelings. All of this is part of the death process. However, these feelings do not rule my day. God has been preparing me because I have been seeking Him through these times. The sparrow at Thanksgiving, the FEAR NOT at Christmas, and even the self discovery of Amigurumi were my ways of 'talking back' God's Word to my feelings. Through all of this I find that we Christians do not TRUST God as we should. If we are truly believers we have to realize that to fear and to quake is a sin. Yes, we will feel these feeling but we stop it by SPEAKING ALOUD THE WORD OF GOD to these feelings. When you focus on this, God's Strength will expand in your life. It is ''forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.'' ~ Phil 3:13-14

I have been muttering under my breath often 'new beginnings' to shake myself from the behind things. It is all about getting that soapbox out and talking back the Word. It is a process and it is a battle but this battle is the Lord's! What verse in Psalms do I share now? There are sooooo many. I love King David's word - such a help in times of need. ''I will say of the Lord, 'He s my Refuge and my Fortress; My God, in Him I will TRUST.''' ~Ps 91:2

Are you trusting and obeying?

fear not
stress not
worry not
fret not

In every situation you are either going to believe the Word of God or the lies of the evil one.

heaping happy instead of grief ...

Having a bad day at liking my 'new' boss - a female boss. Argh! It doesn't help that I wish I could be creative and not work with numbers. When I am a mess, I go to the Word to find the 'Right Ways' ...

Feeling unlovely ...
Prov 15:8 ... He loves him who follows right ways.
Wanting His love so desperately. This I must do:

'Obey those who rule over you, & be submissive,
for they watch over your souls, as those who must give account.
Let them do so with JOY & not with grief,
for that would be unprofitable for you.' ~ Heb 13:17

'Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh,
with fear & trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ.
Not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ,
doing the will of God from the heart,
with good will doing service, as to the Lord & not to men.
Knowing that whatever good anyone does,
he will receive the same from the Lord,
whether he is slave or free.' ~ Eph 6:5-8

'Therefore, be imitators of God as dear children.
And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us & has given Himself for us,
an offering & a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.' ~ Eph 5:1-2

'If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat;
& if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
For so you will heap coals of fire on his head
& the Lord will reward you.' ~ Prov 25:21-22

CEASE STRIVING! BE STILL & KNOW THAT I AM GOD ~ ps 46:10

{sighs}

organizing creativity ...

Mere minutes before closing up shop at work yesterday, my boss comes in to tell me that the plant is off work the week of April 6 and so will the office. This will be my first week of unemployment which means no pay. My co-workers have already done the dance of work a week or two and off two to three and then back to work ... etc. Not to mention the whole county being the top unemployment rate in the country at 18.3%. So it is time for me to get in on the experience too. I must say that the thought of no pay can try to be disruptive in my thoughts but I can't have it!

First order of business is to recall my learnings thus far and do it in my own life!
*Fear not!!!!
*If your life is out of whack, then you are either not listening to God's Word or you don't know what the Word says.
*You are either listening to God's Words or you are listening to the lies of the evil one.
*Obedience is blessing. Disobedience is punishment.

I am looking at this time as hunkering down and not spend! This is hard even though I have limited my spending of late but have not totally shut the $ flow.

I have promised to help with the spring cleaning with my parent's yard so that will take out a day. I do want to a purge in my home. Paper is my enemy! I did some shredding today to jump start my plan. I also want to figure out a better way to keep my important papers. Oh, that file safe would come in handy but that takes mula. I want to figure out my money. I hate dealing with my finances. I need to try to do the banking thing online including paying certain bills online as well seeing that the good old US mail is becoming unreliable. (don't get me started on the mailing system as I could really have a huge fit ... grr) I do need to get a resume going and while I am at it maybe a fun resume should be there too. You know a resume for a job that I really want not just settling for something that pays for the food on the table and home that surrounds me. Ok, those are a few things I could do and need to do.

Now to what I really would like to do! I would like to really get myself creative self organized! I have pictures to download and get put in places to share with others. I have music to organize. I need to really make some decision on selling my homemade online! The shipping is really giving me fits. I want to organize my writing life. I have been saying that all my life. I want to be creative but I can't let it drive me like it did during my Christmas holidays. I really need to focus on organizing my creative life and home so that I can do the summer things as well as keep up on my creative side.

Having large bits of time off might help me launch myself into a totally different place with my creativity being a my source of income! Oh, that would be nice!