part vs whole

I was reading I Corinthians 13 and was stopped at "knowing in part".  I have a dear friend who shared with me a weight, stressed, upset issue.  I responded and he gave me more and I responded and now I am waiting.  I'm wondering how to encourage and uplift.

What I know is in part.  What I feel is in part.  What I think is in part.  What I say is in part.  Love is the only whole.  How do you wholly love?  How do you wholly love with what you know in part?  How do you wholly love with what you feel in part?  How do you wholly love when you think in part?  How do you wholly love when you say in part?  All I'm getting so far is keep at loving as God would have you do and do it with P A T I E N C E!  Committing it all to Jesus and watch Him turn water into wine....   

Galatians 6:9 says "weary in doing good."

✝ Resurrection Hope ✝

Blessed is the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 5:3). I heard this in a new way. It made me stop. I don't know for sure what to think but it is a promise to hold onto. If stuff is too much for me or to big for me and I am too weak or too small than all of Heaven's Kingdom is mine.... What a resource!

I've been thinking of how wounded our Lamb of God was for us … emotionally and physically … isolated from His Heavenly Father, the Burden Bearer. Jesus bore the weight of it. Then to think that He spent 3 days in hell... real hell... So that He could be worthy to bear our wounds and let us walk upright and free! I still have a long way to go to make this hope sink into my inner heart and soul.

I just heard a story of a father who just found out he had leukemia. After telling his son who was heading off to college and his wife of 30 some years, found himself that night in the dark pouring out his heart to God. "Are you going to be there to carry me through?" -was the question that gripped him. God gave him a word picture. It was Jesus picking him up and carrying him to the in zone - into victory. That was such a blessing to me and I hope for you too.  We had such a blessed hope in the Resurrection of Christ. Such promises to hold and to keep us. ✝

boast in the Lord...

I will extol the Lord at all times;
His Praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exhale His Name together.

I sought the Lord,
and He heard me
and He delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to Him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
He saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him
and He delivers them.


Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.
Fear the Lord, you His saints,
for those who fear Him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Psalms 34:1-10

Old songs straight from His Word sung from an aching heart finds healing salve of peace.

I found fear was the enemy.  Then I found that when I sought after the Lord that He heard me and calmed the fear that rages within my heart.  I made the next step to see if a dream was within my grasp but I wanted a no if this dream was going to be a nightmare after all the bells and whistles faded.  That no is more evident and I need to graciously bow out.  My Heavenly Father not only asks for me to trade my fear in for faith but asks me to rejoice no matter which way the path goes....

investment vs. ball and chain...

No, I am not talking marriage here!  Marriage should never be associated with such confinement but rather should be home, a safe place.  Talking about a home and I hate to admit it but buying a home is a ball and chain.  I just don't see it any other way.

I didn't always feel like that.  My little girl dreams always had a home.  It just was a matter of fact.  That is what adults do.  They have a family and a family home.  They had a patch of land and of course, a picket fence.  Don't forget the pups.

Whoa!  My life hasn't ended up that way.  I have a single life and lifestyle.  I have just gotten to a place where I feel the money is just right.  I'm not scraping the barrel.  The groceries and the gas has gone up and yet I feel that for the most part that I can get by ok.  Yet with the rumors and the uneasiness out there, it is nice to have a cushion.  I feel like I have that.  Yes, I like to shop and my weekly shopping excursions are my only dependable social entertainment.  Of course, I not afraid to spend even though I do pretty well at pinching pennies.  I have this new feeling of being able to give money to God above and beyond my tithe.  I like this feeling a lot.  I don't want to go back.  I can't go back.

I am also feeling that Jesus is coming back soon.  Do I really need a house?  Why sock money into a house when that money could have a better use.  But then again, I don't know the time.  This world could have a few more spins around the dial even though there is a lot of shaking and rattling.  It just isn't the waters and earth giving way but governments, housing, gas, and the economies.  No body or country is immune.

I may be hitting the mid life crisis zone but I look young and feeeeeeeeeeeeel like a little girl.  Buying a house all by my lonesome is sooooooo out of my league!  I admit I am a shy one maybe not so much in my writing, but have a quiet personality and it suits me just right.  It is what makes me a goooood listener but when I have something to say aloud, I'm usually not heard or they put their own spin on what they think I am or on what I say.  I may be a first born and forge ahead on my own leaving the herds behind, but I have this strong wingman trait and it does NOT like to be a sole pilot in such huge endeavors.  Help!  This is way too much for me.

Like I said I am single and if I set down roots in brick and mortar then there are no more dreams of wings.  I have friends to the west and a couple of friends in other countries.  It would be cool to go see them if I could muster up strength in my wings.  I do admit that making a home out of a house is a dream too.  I love house magazines and blogs for color schemes, storage ideas, and layouts.  Having it become a reality is a bit scary.  I will have to make a go on my ideas and supposed talent.  I know I could never have a dream house, the house must it meet it in a general sense because this house will have to do until the end of my days.

Things have been getting a bit dicey  here in my apartment building.  Had a bad neighbor in December and things were getting bad.  I also deal with cigarette smoke getting into my home and I am allergic to it.  Then the apartment dweller below like to leave his bathroom fan on for weeks at a time and I can't stand unnecessary noise.  Besides being a crafter makes my little dwelling even smaller.  It would be nice to stretch out a bit.

My coworker who has been searching for house herself found me a house she thinks has my name all over it.  Argh!  So far she is right!  It is a condo with a garage.  It has a place for a library!!! Something I have dreamed about.  The basement is finished so it would take the place of having a cute upper floor.  I could see a craft room downstairs.  What topped it off because it was unexpected but right down my alley was the flag pole out front.

I need to get my brain and heart under the Great Shepherd's care.  The future can keep.  I must trade in the fear for trust and obedience.  God has proven Himself.  He has never forsaken me.  Not only has He been there in the little everyday things but He helped my parents with their house and He answered a big prayer of mine.  I cannot forget these answered prayers not only because they were huge but also because they are small and everyday.  He has been the Partner and the Pilot and I have been treating Him as such.  I bring things to Him.  I need to let Him drive this adventure and I just relax and go for the ride.  If I push or even if I pull (can't believe I just said pull but it is true - I can't pull back), I would usurp God's hold on my life.

Keep me safe, O God,

for in You I take refuge.

I said to the Lord,

"You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing."

~ Psalms 16: 1&2

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am going to share with my parents my feelings so that they know my fears but I will also show my Dad the link to that condo.  Most importantly You know my fears and dreams.  You know my personality and You know what I can handle.  This house might not even by mine.  You will be there in pain and in 

happiness.  Your Presence is fullness of JOY.  I must stay in Your Arms.  I am here for the ride.  I am putting in place Your Words to keep my mind stayed on You.  Thank You for keeping me.
always,
keeper

I will wait for you ...

If it takes forever I will wait for you

For a thousand summers I will wait for you

Till you're back beside me, till I'm holding you

Till I hear you sigh here in my arms

Anywhere you wander, anywhere you go

Every day remember how I love you so

In your heart believe what in my heart I know

That forever more I'll wait for you

The clock will tick away the hours one by one

Then the time will come when all the waiting's done

The time when you return and find me here and run

Straight to my waiting arms

If it takes forever I will wait for you

For a thousand summers I will wait for you

Till you're here beside me, till I'm touching you

And forevermore sharing your love

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I heard this songon the Lawrence Welk show tonight.  I had to search for the lyrics... and note it here.  See I waited for someone.  I didn't think he would come back and was pleasantly surprised.  Now the question to why did I wait comes up.  Hard to explain.  It does have to be the right person.  I suppose it is only right that if I truly don't understand why he went away that he won't understand totally why I stayed.  I chalk it up to God's Knowing and His Doing.  I am so grateful because God made me better through his leaving and it could be possible that the one who left needed me to wait for him.  God's Ways are a bit mysterious yet I love that about Him.  

Welcome Riley Jane

By the light of the oil lamp Jessica nursed baby Shalom.  The flickering flames streaked her hair in light and dark.  It cast shadows across her profile as she smiled tenderly down at him, and illuminated her bare shoulder and the top of his downy head.  She saw me watching and smiled.  "You never know," she said.
"What?"
"How much God loves you until you have one of these of your own.  Then you begin to understand."
~a conversation between two sisters, Jessica and Loralei in Brock and Bodie Thorne's book "The Gathering Storm."

I have been praying for a young mother and for the little girl that made her arrive afternoon today this very thing.  Baby Riley has made safe passage into this world and I am praying that her young mother and young father would be sooooo moved to be overwhelmed by the miracle of life and to seek out the Author of Life.

I received the welcomed news from baby Riley's grandfather.  I could just picture this 6'4" man holding this tiny bundle of 7lbs 12oz much like my own father and grandfather held the baby me so long ago.  There is a sense of time stopping and the an awe of something precious that tugs at the heart making everything still.  

"I was holding her most of the evening.  Riley fell asleep on my chest for a couple of hours."


oh!!!!!!!!!!

Call Upon Me

I am quite frustrated that the NYC mayor has decided to keep all religions out the 911 10th Anniversary Reflection Memorial. I do not mind all the religions part but the ultimate COST is the taking out of God and having a personal relationship with the Almighty in a great time of need.

Who better than God to call on when fire and destruction are licking at your heels? Why take Him out of the equation when He still can be found? What a disservice to our founding fathers and those who ran through the man made fire and hell here on earth and straight into the Mighty Arms of God because they had a personal relationship with the God of Salvation?

"For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You." Psalm 86:5

"Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.h Psalm 50:15

"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth." Psalm 145:18

"As for me, I will call upon God, And the Lord shall save me." Psalm 55:16

"Because He has inclined His ear to me, Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live." Psalm 116:2

"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him." Psalm 91:15

"Seek the Lord while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near." Isaiah 55:6

What a sad day it is when we remember the tragic day but refuse to remember the God Most High with our trust and obedience.

"The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." Psalm 9:9&10

keep the faith ...

Our new church of a year has celebrated its 175th birthday yesterday.  Hearing all the cool history was great and seeing it was cool.  This was back before Abraham Lincoln was known.  There was a 200 year old Bible from one of the members that was written in Old English.  WOW!!  As I was taking it all in a whisper kept calling me so much so that I had to tell it here.

~~~ Huge photos of yesteryear blown up huge on either side of me on walls.  The eyes are drawing me in and I am trying to hear what they are trying to say to me. Can you hear what they are saying?  Could it be the same thing the early church said and echos through the channels of history?
"Keep the faaaaaaith....  Keeeeep the faaaaaaith ..... keeeeeep the faith..... KEEP THE FAITH! Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap a harvest if we faint not. " Galatians 6:9 ~~~

I know a bit "Dead Poet's Society" but that was what I was hearing inside my head.  Matthew 24 has been on my mind lately.  All around me I see the Love growing cold and it makes me shiver inside.  I don't know how are young are going to survive!

Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold,  but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.  Matthew 24:12&13


What a tall order in these days but I must keep the faith.  I must keep the love.  I must keep the gratitude.  I want that crown of JOY.  I want those behind me to see His Path.... and want His Love for themselves....

who will help me?

An interesting conversation came up when I went down to help finish up the odds and ends of my little brother's classroom.  He is a counselor for emotionally challenged kids and this year they moved the alternative school to an abandoned elementary school.  He was excited to get a classroom where he could spread out a bit and to keep it a place where kids can come in and relax.  He cannot use any time to prep the room.  He has to focus his time on his kids.  I jumped at the chance to help him flesh out his vision on my days off from my job.

It was Friday before school started for the year.  I arrived 9:30AM and he gave me the low down of what he wanted to finish for the day.  So I set about cutting out maps and other things as he was dragged off to help newbies.  In fact he spent most of his time helping others out.  He was frustrated that he couldn't spend more time helping me get his room in order.  I kept telling him that was the reason I came to help.  I was that extra body.  We didn't finish until 8:30PM.

He still fussed a bit saying that "I am helping everyone else and I can't get my stuff done.  Who helps me?" What blurted out of my mouth was quite profound because I spent no time thinking about it.  "You help others and they can't help you but you have other helpers that come along to help you that you probably won't be able to help back.  You 'help' it forward like the pay it forward concept." The minute I said it I knew that I did not believe it to be true.  It just feels that you help and help and where is your help?  I truly knew how he felt.

Even two weeks since, I am still weighing it out.  I know myself well enough to know that I am a helper through and through.  I have the mother instinct and can sense danger before it happens and does something about it.  I have this mother protecter instinct and to think I have no kids.  I am a first born so it does come naturally.  Now that my siblings and I are adults I find that I am now a family keeper trying to keep us all together as life wants to pull us apart.  I notice that this helper instinct is my spiritual gift.  I can come along a leader or someone who needs help and know what to do to help bring their dream alive.  We all need help even helpers.  So what do you do when you are feeling empty and at wits end?

I know that God is my Help.  Hiding away His Word in my heart and resting in His Assurances is a must.  When I am full I can bubble over and fill others .... 

one another ...

Part of a note I sent:

Worldly ways have infiltrated the Christian walk and we are so oblivious.    The world believes that people are a commodity to use, abuse, spend, and throw away. I can't do that to you. I am human and weak but I am going to trust and obey God in His "one anothers"

• love one another

• build up one another

• live in peace with one another

• confess your sins to one another

• speak to one another 

• admonish one another

• comfort one another

• pray for one another

• bear one another's burdens

I pledge with God's help to be there through thick and thin. I don't plan on throwing you away. I do plan on laying down what we got at Jesus' feet and with pride. I believe we have something profound and unique. Why else are we drawn to each other and able to feel connected. I can't wait to pull back the veil in Heaven to truly see how and why God brought us together. We are just seeds here. 

~~~~~~~~~

His note back:

I so loved the "one another" statements you wrote.

Had to do a quick little study... and found this:

• Joh_13:14  If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. 
• Joh_13:34  A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. 
• Joh_13:35  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. 
• Joh_15:12  This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. 
• Joh_15:17  These things I command you, that ye love one another. 
• Rom_12:5  So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. 
• Rom_12:10  Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; 
• Rom_12:16  Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. 
• Rom_13:8  Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. 
• Rom_14:13  Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way. 
• Rom_14:19  Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another. 
• Rom_15:5  Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus: 
• Rom_15:7  Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God. 
• Rom_15:14  And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another. 
• Rom_16:16  Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you. 
• 1Co_11:33  Wherefore, my brethren, when ye come together to eat, tarry one for another. 
• 1Co_12:25  That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. 
• 1Co_16:20  All the brethren greet you. Greet ye one another with an holy kiss. 
• 2Co_13:12  Greet one another with an holy kiss. 
• Gal_5:13  For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
• Gal_6:2  Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. 
• Eph_4:2  With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; 
• Eph_4:25  Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. 
• Eph_4:32  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. 
• Eph_5:21  Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 
• Col_3:9  Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; 
• Col_3:13  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 
• Col_3:16  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 
• 1Th_3:12  And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you: 
• 1Th_4:9  But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another. 
• 1Th_4:18  Wherefore comfort one another with these words. 
• 1Th_5:11  Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. 
• 1Ti_5:21  I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these thingswithout preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality.
• Heb_3:13  But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. 
• Heb_10:24  And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 
• Heb_10:25  Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
• Jas_5:16  Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. 
• 1Pe_1:22  Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently: 
• 1Pe_3:8  Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 
• 1Pe_4:9  Use hospitality one to another without grudging. 
• 1Pe_4:10  As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 
• 1Pe_5:5  Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. 
• 1Pe_5:14  Greet ye one another with a kiss of charity. Peace be with you all that are in Christ Jesus. Amen. 
• 1Jn_1:7  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. 
• 1Jn_3:11  For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. 
• 1Jn_3:23  And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment. 
• 1Jn_4:7  Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 
• 1Jn_4:11  Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. 
• 1Jn_4:12  No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. 
• 2Jn_1:5  And now I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that which we had from the beginning, that we love one another. 

too much ...?

"Sometimes we expect more from others 
because we would be willing to do that much for them."

I do jump in for all its worth and express profusely like a painter in a mad frenzy with colors flying in amazing array to get this astounding vision from mind to canvas.  I find the only reason to jump is because I am moved from deep within my heart and soul.  I am a sensitive and an unique.  I feel acutely.  I see with wild abandon.  I know where I am not wanted and most of the time I know not to throw my pearls in with the pigs.

But what do you do with those special people that the connection is strong and you give everything you got but they cannot do the same back?  It is like they are dancing on my wound and it hurts like sharp knives in my heart.  Do I change that part of me that keeps and cherishes with childlike wonder?  Do I stop expressing with childlike abandon?  Oh no, I don't.  One cannot change what the Creator has created unique and beautiful nor do I want to.  I have done that before and won't do that again.

If they cannot give the same back to me, do I see it as their handicap?  Expectations would be low.  Whatever they could offer, I would enjoy and keep.  They are just locked up.  See, I could just wrap this special person in a box and wrap a bow up all neat and orderly.  I know if I could do that it wouldn't hurt so much!  However, I long for him to be free of all that is making him run.  {Sigh}

I know I must trust and obey God.  I must love one another.  I must wait quietly.  I must be faithful in this relationship.  If Joseph of the OT could be faithful in all of his relationships surely I can to.  I must honor God's staging.  There are great things to come.  Wasn't it an answered prayer when this special someone came back into my life?  I thought sure I would never know until I reached Heaven's shore.  But my mind ponders what God is planning but that isn't my job!

Too much?  Sadly, I still have no answer for that.  No, I do have an answer.  I will express.  I will be wait quietly.   I will pray.  I will create with wild abandon!  I will feverish write here in this sacred place.  Maybe I won't scare him off with my crazy brain overload but then again I just might have already.  Yikes!

The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord;

He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases.

~ Proverbs 21:1 ~


This is what the Sovereign Lord,
the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance & rest
is your salvation,
in quietness & trust is your strength..."
~ Isaiah 30:15 ~

What seed are you?

2010 has been the year of cancer. I am surrounded and dazed. I need a way out but there is no escape. All I can do is listen.

With each announcement of the diagnosis and with each turn for the worse, I get busy with praying. I am just an observer feeling helpless on the sidelines. My deep feelings come out in liquid form even when I rest on His Promises - even when I know death will never have victory.

Through the trenches of prayer 'warrioring', God has brought hymns and scriptures to mind to boost my hope. Sometimes it comes in my daily reading of the Scriptures like I Corinthians 15:35-58. On first reading what hope is found! The wasting earthly body will be clothe with glorious immortal body. Now that is something I can shout about after seeing a believer's body succumb to the ravages of cancer. Within the anguishes of prayer I thank God for His Ultimate Design of our glorious bodies in our Everlasting Life.

With a mind that sees pictures, I paused on our earthly body as a seed sown. Aren't seeds little packages of hope and expectation? Hasn't God given us talents and gifts to use for others? Hasn't our journey been filled with hardships and pain resulting in lessons filled with treasure? Put this all together. Wouldn't all we do and all the journey lessons we have required be all neatly packaged in this seed we call our flesh? So what you put into it is what you get? What kind of seed are you? It is frighting and exciting at the same time!

As this year closes and a new one begins, I will be reflecting on little seeds. Well, more like one little seed - me! Such potential to lay this little package God-Designed seed at my Savior's feet or what if the seed doesn't germinate? Yikes! Time to embrace my gifts with more fervor and be more joyful of my journey lessons for when time is no more, this little seed sown will be revealed.... WOW!!

Happy New Year!

Best Christmas Gift Ever

Death came knocking several times in the later part of this year through means of cancer. My prayers have come before the Almighty with requests of Comfort and Joy to fill the hearts of the loved ones left on this earth as the holidays have arrived.

I got to know nasty pancreatic cancer first hand when this became the journey for two believers from my childhood days. Even though I saw the wasting away of the body first hand, God brought hope to my heart trough hymns and His Word. Even though tears where in my cup, Joy bubbled up in my heart.

As Christmas neared I found the best gift ever under the tree is where the nativity is nestled. In the shadow of the manger is the Cross and beyond is Sonrise of Everlasting Life. It is a GIFT. All you have to do is receive! Amid the lost of a beloved believer I know that when all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing will be.

As I was contemplating what my itching fingers wanted to write, sad news came. My 1st grade nephew was with family saying goodbyes to his grandmotherly neighbor babysitter who was dying of cancer. It ended traumatically as she breathed her last on this earth. Earth is full of pain and lost. We are human and no matter how strong your faith is, the stuff of earth weighs us down. Through it all for the believer the Son always shines through.

Receive the Best Gift ever today and if you have Eternal Life, enjoy your Abundant Joyful Everlasting Life with childhood abandon. Guess what? The Best Christmas Ever will be that Day of Rejoicing for all believers when Jesus Christ comes back for us!!!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

church membership...

With the applications in for church membership, it would be any moment know. So on Sunday, October 31st they asked to meet with us after church. The nerves began to rattle. I promise that I was listening to the sermon but I had to jot down a few notes to keep my heart still. Then it was time to give our testimonies. I get the Bobby-shakes and was trying to control them by putting my feet firmly down on the ground and my spine firmly into the back of the chair. Oh, you want to know what the Bobby-shakes are? Well, we have three fox terriers. Bobby is one who gets super nervous and starts to shake and twirl. Well, besides trying to control my shakes and not twirling {wicked wink}, I was trying to master my voice while being totally honest. That doesn't work when I tell of my journey with God. Tears stole into my voice but their was no leakage. I get a bit feisty when my heart betrays me by making my eyes tear up. Even though I am finally ok about being single and knowing that it is God's gift to me, I find it such a betrayal that I get so emotional like I am lying. I just wanted it soooo badly - the marriage thing, the husband thing, the wife thing - I had to give it up. I had pry my grubby fingers open and keep them open. It has been quite painful - so painful that it brings it all of it back and I cannot control it. Well, that is the backdrop. What comes next was so out of character that I know it was God saying this is ok and this is the church for me.

One of the deacons who by the front cover was friendly and outgoing put me at ease by saying that he could tell that I was sensitive. The rest sort of blurred out except that he mentioned his wife was a sensitive type too. I could tell that I was in a safe place. This church was going to be alright.

That night this same friendly deacon had an order of business to present to the church. He introduced us as an 'adorable' family and recommended that we be excepted as members of the church. Hands went very quickly and there we were members. The pastors thought it funny that we were called adorable. Then reported that we would get the 'right hand of fellowship' the next Sunday. Oh dear! Not good! That means we have to get up in front of the whole church!!! I leaned over and told Mom that she is conveniently was working that Sunday. Then the pastor said it was time to handshake. Wow! There was a lot of very friendly smiles and hand pumping coming our way. I have been to friendly churches but this one tops all the others.

November 7th dawns like a day that can't make up its mind whether it wants to be cold or warm. My body works on two different temperatures like a living in one time zone and working in another. My hands are cold and very cold especially outside or still. My heart and armpits are warm and very warm especially if I am on edge which for this shy girl can be quite a lot so knowing what to wear that will be comfortable and fitting is like a mental time bomb that is ticking down. I have made a personal decision to wear a more natural deodorant that works but not as well as others might in high sweat zone so tight fitting sleeves especially for the armpits was out. Everything had to be loose and warm enough but not to boiling. So with my selection that was down. Check on the potato sack! {wink}

It was the first thing of the morning service. Dad and I walked up there. The pastor talked to Dad said some things and shook his hand. Then it was my turn. What he said to me wasn't what I expected and again I smiled inwardly as I knew it was God saying everything is all right. He said this church is here for me. He did follow it up by what I knew was important that they would be looking forward to what I would give back. I really needed a safe place. I haven't had a church to ever be that safe place for me. So I am looking forward to this. I do want to serve but more in my quiet ways. Churches have become more and more out there where I feel like an outcast. I am an introvert and I need to love God quietly and to serve quietly. I think I will be able to do it here. I know I have gone backwards when it comes to soft and quiet. I have a lot of broken places in my heart when it comes to relationships and to church. These wounds I carry just might close up and heal now!

Well, what came next was a bit wild. The pastor then said to the congregation to shake hands with us. He wanted to see how many of them could shake our hands as we went back to our seats. That was a lot of hands and smiles and warm wishes. It blew my mind! Dad being a bit cheeky told Mom that the next Sunday it would be her turn. Too funny. It got Mom a going. She didn't have to.

The next Sunday we had mailboxes and certificate of membership. Wild, but I do feel at home and welcomed.

so quiet is wrong?

We are loving the new church because it is a Bible believing church. It is amazing to be so happy every Sunday! It isn't just me, I can feel it coming from Mom & Dad too. We have been going since July and Dad is already wanting to join. So reading over the application and requirements, I got really upset to tears....

What was my Spiritual Gift? I was in a panic! Here I know myself forward, backwards, inside out, top to bottom and I don't know what part of the body of Christ I am? Not only was there panic but there was anger. The reason I know soooo much about myself that it is scary is because I am soooo quiet. Now being a QUIET means that something is wrong with you. So ever since junior high I have been trying to FIX myself. I thought cheerleading would make me louder. Well, I am glad I never got the nerve to try that. I tried out for a college play because I was in a play in junior high and maybe I could do it again. What did they ask of me? Yell so they can here in the back of the little theater. Well, I did. Surprised them but I didn't get the part. After college I poured over every reasonable self help book on marriage, personalities, etc. Since 2003 God broke me of the habit of self help and showed me God-Help. Through all my searching, I have stirred up quite a bit of heat over feeling inferior or the need to change my quiet ways.

Well, I was livid with hot tears pouring out my eyes. Once again here I was crying before bed. I did not want my spiritual gift to be nursery duty or Sunday school teaching. I made a hysterical txt to my little bro. "Your gift is encouragement. See if they have a card ministry. Your cards are great." I wanted to dance on my chair but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal. I made a call to Mom later in the week and she came through with "God created you quiet. They cannot go against the Creator." This registered Eric Liddell's famous line "God made me fast" Again I wanted to dance on my desk this time but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal.

So I am dragging out my very big soap box here on llj and lugging out the mammoth speakers turning the volume to deafening.
God made me quiet. God made me creative. God made me word smart and picture smart. God gave me the love language of words just like King David! God made me sensitive. God gave me an insatiable desire to learn. God made me a great listener. God made me interested in others. God made me a great wing-man. God made me an encourager. God also gave me fire. Don't dare to change that quiet in me. Nothing is wrong with me. God made me quiet.

Well, it looks like this is a place to take a breath and pause. I am not done. Surprise, Surprise! Look for another post...

I am a mixed personality but I was so gung-ho on the part I understood and really didn't pay attention to the quieter side until now. God has been stirring up things lately. The 'melancholy' side is curious. More later....

Oh, are you wondering why I got soooo huffy at the beginning of this post? The pastor is a dominant personality. It worries the quiet me. The melancholy side is getting hot and protective. The passive side has had enough after soooo many years of being a wing-man with no returns and a lot of leavers when I did finally spoke up. I am glad the pastor is a strong personality preaching the Word. That is his job. Just wanting others to except my job as a quiet sensitive encourager .... I know a lot of wind without substance. However, I have made my statement now to not backing down... ok more later!!!

a Race or a Battle?

How to die from cancer or some prolonged death has been twirling around in my mind of late. (My prayer list has too many with cancer...) It is often said 'I am going to beat this thing' or 'She lost her battle with cancer.' As a believer I shutter at these words and I began to question why this wasn't sitting right with me.

In Ephesians 6:10-18 it tells us to put on the full armor of God. Why? To make a stand against the devil's schemes. This is the battle not cancer. The battle is about good vs. evil. Everlasting Life vs. everlasting death. It about keeping our faith sure and strong. No wavering. For our battle is not against flesh and blood! Doesn't this mean our battle is not against sickness or death? Cancer is a beast and so very unforgiving. We feeble humans fight cancer with poison! How whacked out is that? I just want rip at my heart and scream on the top of lungs... that is how much I feel about this.

I always need a picture to deal with life's hardships and how I am to behave as a believer. So if cancer isn't the battle what is it? and how do I deal with it victoriously? I see it like in II Timothy 4:6-8. Cancer should be a race. Well, to clarify it even more, life is a race. Cancer would be a bend or the steep incline or a chapter in the race. It is not how fast but it about the endurance. It is seeing yourself running and there in the stands are others who have endure the what you have gone through. There are family members and friends who are praying for you and holding you before God. These are the witnesses like Isaiah 43:12 talks about. ("You are My witnesses," declares the Lord "that I AM God.") I like looking up into those stands because others have endured bring Glory to God and so can I. I also have ones that are coming behind me. I must be a good witness for them. (I use this in my singleness too.) I don't focus on the stands rather that is in side vision because my focus is on the finish line where my Lord and Master is waiting with outstretched BARE Arms to welcome me. Ah, what a bear hug that will be. I smile and if there are tears it is tears of JOY. Yes, I sorrow because I am stuck here with all those human feelings of loss but I have the promise of EVERLASTING LIFE. I am all good!!!!

Paul says "For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the Crown of Righteous, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will reward to me on that day- and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His Appearing." ~II Timothy 4:6-8 AMEN!!!!

We have two frontlines as a believer. The battle of faith and the race of life. I feel we must keep a clear perspective of both and not mix up the sickness as the battle. Our battle is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil .... anything that would rob us of living purely and strongly for God.

No matter what you think or even if you think a bit off my rocker, the battle is the Lord's and He is the Strong Man. Here is another picture I love... 'How can anyone enter a strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can rob his house. He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters.' Matt 12:29-30 See Jesus Christ is my Strong Man. I send Him to the door. I know I am safe with Him..... I will not be tied up. I will run free straight into His Arms. Praise Yahweh.....

gift of mercy ...

Yikes, another believer from my childhood is nearing this life's finishing line with the same kind of cancer that Cathy died of ... pancreatic cancer. This cancer is a beast. This believer is a grandma with kids my age. Her husband is a big man but this is too much for him. His lower lip and belly quiver with grief. He does not want to let go. My heart goes out to them.

God is trying to teach something as I am trying to grasp it. I went up to see Cathy in a spur of the moment and wasn't sure what to expect. I felt awkward because Cathy was a very tired and drugged up coming back from surgery but I did come away with a better since of how to pray for the family. Praying is something I can do when all else fails me. Then I heard Chuck Swindoll talk a little about the gift of mercy and then in my Bible reading I went through Job.

What grabbed my ears when Swindoll talked about the gift of mercy was that it is displayed in someone when they are quiet and with out words at a sick bedside or a death bed. Now some people have that gift naturally but I think all believers should practice this gift. What I have going for me is that I am naturally quiet and even if I have words, I don't say them because I am very shy. What I don't have going for me is that I feel awkward and feel like a heal for not being able to put others at ease. It doesn't mean my mind is blank. It is going a mile a minute especially leading up to the moment. So maybe God is teaching me how to use my quiet for mercy...

I remember a conversation with a dear one about Job. We agreed that Job was difficult. I left it that the best part was where God is speaking at the end. That was then and this is now. So what is the purpose of Job? Job is a good read when you are sick or dying because he goes into great detail about how his body looks and how horrible he feels. You are not alone. Someone else knows just how you feel physically and even asks what you want to ask emotionally. Job is a good read if you are a friend because you know what NOT to say! Just keep your mouth shut! Job is a good read if you are a spouse and you are experiencing the second hand stress of how your spouse is hurting and you don't know what to do. Be the support and don't tell them to curse God and die. Job is not a book that stands alone. There are other passages that help us in our pain. We are richer for what Job went through but I still have questions .... which is good because my learning isn't done.

Job's misery was not due to sin. Job didn't cause his loss of family or health. You could say it was satan's doing but the real truth is that God allowed this because He knew Job and knew Job would come through this without cursing Him. So why was Job wrong? Job got a real lecture from God in the end. Yes, some of it went to his friends but God really got in Job's face. Wasn't Job just asking why (I know asking why is a huge no-no) and want to hear God? Job was simply tired of hearing silence from the God he worshipped and loved. Aren't we to make our requests to God? Doesn't David ask God in his psalms? I may still struggle with this I still hold to NOT asking why and to always sing above the storm. Praise is beautiful and God inhabits the Praise of His people. I am must trust and obey for there is no other way ...

So back to mercy... there will always be questions .... but it is a waste of time to keep harping on them. It is much better to be still, talk back God's Word for our hearts, and to sing above the storm. The battle is the Lord's. All we have to do is run our race and at the end God's Loving Arms will greet us and hold us up......

books & plants = {God Hug}

September the 4th was a perfect fall day like the ones you find in early October. The sky was a beautiful cornflower blue with fluffy white clouds that hung low enough that you felt you could actually touch them if you jumped really high. The fields of corn was already turning that dry harvest yellow way too soon from the super hot dry summer. The sun was bright. There was a slight breeze. We were traveling from home to the my college town for a funeral of a woman just eight years older than me. She belongs in my childhood memory. I remember her and her sisters and the farm house they lived in and their black and white bull dogs, Moses and Sarah. It is a good memory. I just learned of her dominion two weeks prior - her husband, her kids. I knew her race was completed and she was in the Arms of Jesus. Her wasting way had turned into a renewed beauty in total reflection of her Creator. Yet the tears were on the edges of this day. My heart was going out to the family.

I feel that a believer's funeral should be a celebration. That is what they are doing on the other side of the river! However our joy is laced with a bit of sorrow. It was a the church's gym to handle the size. The local football team showed up in their football jerseys and black dress pants to support her youngest son who is a senior at the local high school. The back wall was covered with colorful homemade cards made from her students. The kids spoke about their dear mother and about the things they would miss. There were other choice speakers who colored in her life and gave you snap shots of her journey. I began to see her as someone who didn't want the limelight and also knew how to make others feel comfortable. I saw that our lives could have been parallel but I found my life pretty lacking. I'm not the teacher I should have been. I'm not married like I would have wanted. I have no hubby or kids so my life doesn't revolve around anyone but myself. I know I should not have even compared my life to hers but I have an earth ending here and will have to be accountable to my life. I came away a bit crushed.

With my afternoon I went off to my favorite haunt the local thrift shop. I found two books that were on my want list and I was excited because it was so unexpected. Then I went to a home store to look for a string of pearls plant. I had checked back in the spring and I really didn't think I would find it. After looking and looking all over the succulent selection, I found a very tiny plant of peas. So I scooped it up with her sister string of bananas. However, string of pearls really had no root system and the dirt was bad dirt because it would get this white mold or film on the top when you watered. Well, it died and I got my money back. The string of bananas are doing great!!!! At the end of the day, I felt God was saying 'hey, you are still loved. You want to do and be better. Go for it but I love you."

Wow. My Heavenly Father knows just what I need and I didn't even ask. I was just crushed and He was there to heal. Now I can look at my life and see what I need to do without comparing. I have a story and yes, it needs some revision. I can get crack'en

It has been a while since I have blogged and I really wanted to get this out before I ventured elsewhere. I didn't want to over look His simple presence. It might seem silly that books and plants would speak but how often do we go about our business without listening ....

good fig exiled in Babylon ...

I have a story from the Old Testament that I must tell you as it has given me great hope for my own plight. This story begins with a dream. A dream given to Jeremiah by the Almighty to give hope, encouragement, and an assignment to the exiles in Babylon. Two baskets of figs placed in front of the temple of the Lord where shown to Jeremiah. One basket had verrrrrry gooooood figs, like those ripen early; the other basket had very bad figs, so bad they could not be eaten. Then God asked Jeremiah what he saw. It was God wanted the vision spoken aloud. Then the Lord explained the dream.

"Like these good figs, I regard as the good the exiles from Judah, whom I sent away from this place to the land of the Babylonians. My Eye will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the Lord. They will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with all their heart.

But like the bad figs, which are so bad they cannot be eaten so will I deal with Zedekiah king of Judah, his officials and the survivors from Jerusalem, whether they remain in this land or live in Egypt. I will make them abhorrent and an offense to all the kingdoms of the earth, a reproach and a byword, an object of ridicule and cursing, wherever I banish them. I will send the sword, famine, and plague against them until they are destroyed from the land I gave them and their fathers."

Then God had Jeremiah write out His letter for the surviving elders, priests, and prophets among the exiles in Babylon to read to them. Before the letter is read there is a listing of who the exiles where. What came to my eyes? The craftsmen and artisans. Now these are my kind of people. I then knew this story was for me. I must get back to what was in the letter...

To My exiles in Babylon,
Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.

Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in My Name. I have not sent them.

When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill My Gracious Promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places I have banished you and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.

always your Heavenly Father

Wow! All this can be read for yourself in Jeremiah 24:1-10 and Jeremiah 29:1-23. I had to reread several times because I felt this dream was just for me. I am a craftsman and artisan. I find great joy spending time painting, looming, crocheting, cross stitching, ink stamping and paper punching. I find even more fulfillment if I can use what I do with my hands to encourage another. But I am EXILED, exiled in Babylon. I am working in cost accounting for a boss who has fits of huffing. I did not want this job but this job is of God. I am not left abandoned. I have instructions to carry out. I am to build, settle down (not complain), plant, eat from the produce, increase not decrease (increase the joy not the grief), seek peace and prosperity of the company so that I too will prosper, and close my ears to anyone who says things that are not of God (other dissenters and ill seekers). In due time my Heavenly Father will bring me back home where I live out my passion in fullness.

What is interesting is that this story is hidden behind the great verse of Jeremiah 29:11. You just can't have the great verse without the story. It makes the verse deeper and richer and makes the story real because you know it in your life. I vow never to forget this story. I wrote it down here and am trying my hand at a poem. I am going to tell this story to anyone and everyone who will hear....

a high vs the everyday ...

At the monthly Bible study I started to attend, I made an observation that bothered me greatly. I got the sense that some feel the need to have an experience with God like having a high. This drives me crazy! I do not want a 'Jesus-high'. I need Him too much in my every day. In fact He promised He would never leave me nor forsake me. I am holding Him to that.

I want Him when I am in tears over a stupid job and when I have to serve with gladness with respectful obedience to a boss who I will never make happy. If I couldn't have Jesus with me when I go to work ... well, it just wouldn't be good. I want Him in the every day moments when my brain is thinking out processes so I can talk to Him and ask questions. He has always been patient and has opened my eyes to things that only He could reveal. He showed me how to crochet because I would kept trying and would get upset and throw it down. I search and He reveals. He knows the Mysteries and will reveal when the time is right. There are a lot of everyday things I involve Him in and I have to credit all of the dot connecting to His quiet directions.

I want Him when I look out into the evening sky and see a rosie golden sky scape as the sun pulls the covers over her head and I whisper in my head the awe of His Master work. Lately His sky has been so vocal with the heat and storms that even when I fear there is much awe in the power and beauty of it all. He has little old me written in His Hands so how can He forget me? How could I ever think of only experiencing Him in some kind of magical high?

I don't want to ever think that I want to escape it all and have some mystical magic high moment with Him. Yes, there are moments when we are to run to the Fortress that is higher than I. Think about it those 'to the Fortress I run' times aren't highs but troubles. Check out Psalms 18. There is no high rather it is God working out the issues that plague me. He is in the trenches with me quivering under His Wing. I am the watcher and my heart stills it frantic beat as I watch His expert Arm defending and protecting His little one. He is right there. Always. This isn't a high but plain old everyday. I like it like that. Isn't God Awesome in His Ways and His Understandings that is greater than little I?

My life isn't made up of all trouble. There are a lot of good times too. I don't think of them as highs because most are simple things yet profound when I think deeper to His under-workings. Especially when I am troubled and dwelling in the muck, I start to pull my vision away to Him by simply telling Him what I am grateful. I love bed covers even in summer heat. I love paper & ink. I love blue and how it makes me feel. I love the bashful bold purple that feels like royalty and still has a simple gracefulness to it. I like the warm sunshine and the cooling rain in the summer. I like the bright snow and the delicate snowflake in the winter. I pick out everyday things and put them in the light and thank my Master for them right there in the moment. Wouldn't you forget all the wonderful things to thank Him for if you waited to steal away to some magical high? Wouldn't you be caught up in the moment and nothing?

I love to have the Bible near. When my life is out of whack, my only true and solid answer comes from His Word. I must make this everyday. It is a conversation and for too long it has been one sided. I want Him to do the talking too. I am tired of my voice piercing the airwaves. I must hear His Voice many times a day. Haven't you ever missed a lover's voice? Interesting that often we claim that God is silent. What a lie! His letter has 66 books filled with His Voice!

NOOOOOO high for me. I want Him everyday in the midst of my simple everyday life. I take Him at His Promise of never leaving me nor forsaking me. I have a big shoes to fill. I love Him right? He is in my everyday right? Am I dwelling in Him every moment of my day???????