so quiet is wrong?

We are loving the new church because it is a Bible believing church. It is amazing to be so happy every Sunday! It isn't just me, I can feel it coming from Mom & Dad too. We have been going since July and Dad is already wanting to join. So reading over the application and requirements, I got really upset to tears....

What was my Spiritual Gift? I was in a panic! Here I know myself forward, backwards, inside out, top to bottom and I don't know what part of the body of Christ I am? Not only was there panic but there was anger. The reason I know soooo much about myself that it is scary is because I am soooo quiet. Now being a QUIET means that something is wrong with you. So ever since junior high I have been trying to FIX myself. I thought cheerleading would make me louder. Well, I am glad I never got the nerve to try that. I tried out for a college play because I was in a play in junior high and maybe I could do it again. What did they ask of me? Yell so they can here in the back of the little theater. Well, I did. Surprised them but I didn't get the part. After college I poured over every reasonable self help book on marriage, personalities, etc. Since 2003 God broke me of the habit of self help and showed me God-Help. Through all my searching, I have stirred up quite a bit of heat over feeling inferior or the need to change my quiet ways.

Well, I was livid with hot tears pouring out my eyes. Once again here I was crying before bed. I did not want my spiritual gift to be nursery duty or Sunday school teaching. I made a hysterical txt to my little bro. "Your gift is encouragement. See if they have a card ministry. Your cards are great." I wanted to dance on my chair but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal. I made a call to Mom later in the week and she came through with "God created you quiet. They cannot go against the Creator." This registered Eric Liddell's famous line "God made me fast" Again I wanted to dance on my desk this time but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal.

So I am dragging out my very big soap box here on llj and lugging out the mammoth speakers turning the volume to deafening.
God made me quiet. God made me creative. God made me word smart and picture smart. God gave me the love language of words just like King David! God made me sensitive. God gave me an insatiable desire to learn. God made me a great listener. God made me interested in others. God made me a great wing-man. God made me an encourager. God also gave me fire. Don't dare to change that quiet in me. Nothing is wrong with me. God made me quiet.

Well, it looks like this is a place to take a breath and pause. I am not done. Surprise, Surprise! Look for another post...

I am a mixed personality but I was so gung-ho on the part I understood and really didn't pay attention to the quieter side until now. God has been stirring up things lately. The 'melancholy' side is curious. More later....

Oh, are you wondering why I got soooo huffy at the beginning of this post? The pastor is a dominant personality. It worries the quiet me. The melancholy side is getting hot and protective. The passive side has had enough after soooo many years of being a wing-man with no returns and a lot of leavers when I did finally spoke up. I am glad the pastor is a strong personality preaching the Word. That is his job. Just wanting others to except my job as a quiet sensitive encourager .... I know a lot of wind without substance. However, I have made my statement now to not backing down... ok more later!!!

me in 40+ years!

On Sunday I listen to a mid-80 year old woman speak. I was blown away! I met myself in 40+ years from now if I do not allow the world to wear me down or defeat me. I had a comment spoke of me that they had never met a person like me who is forever changing/growing. I took it as a compliment because I strongly feel that as a Christian we must never remain the same. God should be working on us and if He isn't then we have rejected His Workmanship on us. So it was exciting to see this white haired lady so exuberant over the things she is learning.

So often as I look to my elders, I see little old ladies who grump and poke at you like the one lady I hugged on Sunday who said ''I see you clipped your hair again. I suppose you get tired of me saying that.'' Ok, so why did she open her mouth. I have been spending every morning telling my reflection that I trimmed the unruly and you are looking fine. Grrrr, I have a love hate relationship with the hair and I don't need people poking at me. I keep reminding myself never grow up poking and grumbling at other people. I want to be a beautiful old lady who is vibrant and growing!

Here is some wisdom from an ever growing more beautiful mid-80 year old woman:

* discover your yes so you can say no to everything else.
* happiness is determined by outward circumstances
joy is determined my inner circumstances
*the GIFT we fail to give so often is presence
be where your body is
* joy & pain can coexist
let your pain be fruitful
*excited about being INCOMPLETE b/c that means God has to be with me.

Love that! I shall now stop getting frustrated for not learning fast enough!!!

visual crochet ...

I have said before that I am an Amigurumi junkie. I guess it was the perfect storm... First my job was becoming unstable. With that I go for learning something new. My mother's mom crocheted and knitted but I never asked to be taught. I couldn't wrap my mind around being able to use my left hand with my right hand. Huge projects like blankets or clothing didn't intrigue me but the little granny square did leave a hole in my creative heart. Fast forward many years and I discovered knitting looms which took care of the knitting part but I still could not do the granny square. Then this new thing started cropping up in creative blogs - Amigurumi. These small stuffed toys brought me full circle to my childhood where a great friend that was a small stuff puppy that I could hide away easy but bring it out when needed. As an aunt I wanted to learn crochet for the sole purpose of making little friends for little ones. It was a struggle as I self taught through online pictures. I even did the magic ring you tube. I finally did it.

I am learning everything I can and I still haven't made the granny square just yet but will. I did discover a book at the library called Blueprint Crochet. I got it because their was a pattern for a purse. Simple dc circles attached to each other looked easy enough for me. When I finally took a deeper look, I was surprised by the lack of 'normal' instructions of abbreviations! Let me tell you trying to self learn by these abbreviations is quite daunting and set me packing several times. Hey, I am visual and the only way I could pick it up was by still photographs. What Blueprint Crochet is about is the visual pattern instruction. Gone is the abbreviations and in the place is bird like scratches in a pattern. When you look at the bird scratch pattern, you visually see what the finish product looks like. The author who is a visual learner as well pointed out a great thought - if you learn this bird like scratches, you can read patterns from Japan and Russia (etc). It is a universal language. Amazing! I do have one pattern from Japan with this bird like scratches but it has abbreviated instructions so I didn't really look at the pattern. I shall be paying attention!

A thought of mine comes to me that this just might help me design my own thing. However with Amigurumi, I think the best design comes from just trying something since it is mostly about shaping. Outside the Amigurumi world, there are flowers and small things that excite me too. I think here the bird like scratches will come in handy. The author said there was computer programs to aid in making these patterns so you don't have to do it all my hand. She didn't give any names so it will be a google search.

I believe that if I am lucky to teach crochet and pass this fun to another, I will be using both kinds of instructions. I am a huge believer that we all learn in different ways (aka 7 smarts). Teaching just one way leaves out a lot but teaching in several ways, dots begin to connect. Wa-la, you got it!