It is just human to go around collecting.
So what do humans collect?
Things, people, color, memories, and learnings.
Why do humans collect?
Humans collect to surround themselves with beauty, security, value, and attention.
What do the collections say about their humans?
Quite a bit! It tells what they think of themselves, what they need, what their desires are, what they value, and what moves them.
What do you collect?
What are you saying about yourself?
What season was it when you collected a certain item?
Have you noticed what others collect?
What are they saying?
Are you even listening or is your collection got you blinded?
Showing posts with label fat suit epiphany. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fat suit epiphany. Show all posts
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
to rid a clinger ...
Guess I will try to recreate a lost blog entry...
If you are a male in need of getting rid of some girl that has taken a shine to you and you have been NICE to her and seemed to have shared great a great friendship, DO NOT JUST VANISH! Be mean and make her hate you. It is the kindest thing you could ever do for her. By making her hate you, you have allowed her to get rid of you quicker and on to her life. But noooooo you think you are being nice by just pooof goooone. What you are really doing is allowing you to stay in her life. All those good memories put up a real hard fight against your disappearance. The girl makes all kinds of excuses for you. It does not matter even if she has finally stopped obsessing over you, there are those moments that she still gives you credit over herself. You probably think that is just fine that you still look good in character when you should be classified as a monster and a bounty on your head for being a deserter.
If you are a girl in need of ridding yourself from a guy who has deserted you for no obvious reason, GET MAD. Stop being nice to him and be kind to yourself. He has told you that you are not good enough for him by not being man enough to face you. Translate that to the real equation: He is not good enough for you! He is not what you want. You want someone to say hello and STAY!!!!!!!!! He is a toxic clinger not you! So you are all alone. Horizons look bleak. Purge the old. Now is the time to be who you want to be. Make a list and start seeking this out before God.
If you are a male in need of getting rid of some girl that has taken a shine to you and you have been NICE to her and seemed to have shared great a great friendship, DO NOT JUST VANISH! Be mean and make her hate you. It is the kindest thing you could ever do for her. By making her hate you, you have allowed her to get rid of you quicker and on to her life. But noooooo you think you are being nice by just pooof goooone. What you are really doing is allowing you to stay in her life. All those good memories put up a real hard fight against your disappearance. The girl makes all kinds of excuses for you. It does not matter even if she has finally stopped obsessing over you, there are those moments that she still gives you credit over herself. You probably think that is just fine that you still look good in character when you should be classified as a monster and a bounty on your head for being a deserter.
If you are a girl in need of ridding yourself from a guy who has deserted you for no obvious reason, GET MAD. Stop being nice to him and be kind to yourself. He has told you that you are not good enough for him by not being man enough to face you. Translate that to the real equation: He is not good enough for you! He is not what you want. You want someone to say hello and STAY!!!!!!!!! He is a toxic clinger not you! So you are all alone. Horizons look bleak. Purge the old. Now is the time to be who you want to be. Make a list and start seeking this out before God.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
what woman want ...
A thought popped into to my head the other day and it goes like this ...
If I am wanting within a relationship with a man, he ain't the one!
... whew & wow! Pretty big thought for little ol' me! Then I started to list my wants and began to realize to fight back the 'he's just not into you' and all those guys who give off mix messages with my own 'he's just not want I want'. Two can play the game.
my want list
I want :
1. to be choosen/pursued by him
2. to follow his leadership.
3. to be filled by him & to receive from him.
4. to be his beauty and know his eyes light up when I walk in the room.
5. to be rescued by him.
6. to be protected by him & know I am safe.
7. to be kept by him.
8. to hear endearments & I love you's from him.
9. to be of value to him.
10. to be needed by him.
I feel these are basic needs all women need within the agreement of marriage. And if I find that I cannot function safely within these bonds, then he ain't the one! I WILL NOT accept motley and muddled inbred messages from boys who claim they arn't into you half the time and the other half of the time want you to pant after them. I am making boys sound bad but I have had grown men, a few who were suppose to be believers and even one I really looked up to mess around without regard to my heart and I am sick of it.
Truth be told I am sick of myself who broods over all the mixed messages trying to knit together something thick enough to keep me warm. Oh, to be safe .... NOT GOING THERE! Bye! I got to go read Psalms 18! The True Knight in Shining Armor on a white horse to boot....
If I am wanting within a relationship with a man, he ain't the one!
... whew & wow! Pretty big thought for little ol' me! Then I started to list my wants and began to realize to fight back the 'he's just not into you' and all those guys who give off mix messages with my own 'he's just not want I want'. Two can play the game.
my want list
I want :
1. to be choosen/pursued by him
2. to follow his leadership.
3. to be filled by him & to receive from him.
4. to be his beauty and know his eyes light up when I walk in the room.
5. to be rescued by him.
6. to be protected by him & know I am safe.
7. to be kept by him.
8. to hear endearments & I love you's from him.
9. to be of value to him.
10. to be needed by him.
I feel these are basic needs all women need within the agreement of marriage. And if I find that I cannot function safely within these bonds, then he ain't the one! I WILL NOT accept motley and muddled inbred messages from boys who claim they arn't into you half the time and the other half of the time want you to pant after them. I am making boys sound bad but I have had grown men, a few who were suppose to be believers and even one I really looked up to mess around without regard to my heart and I am sick of it.
Truth be told I am sick of myself who broods over all the mixed messages trying to knit together something thick enough to keep me warm. Oh, to be safe .... NOT GOING THERE! Bye! I got to go read Psalms 18! The True Knight in Shining Armor on a white horse to boot....
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
a distress damsel psalm ...
I've hinted to the fact that I am in the backyard of my 30's. I guess I am freaking out a bit emotionally too - not at my age (suppose that will happen soon) but at these rollercoaster feelings and the knowledge of the craziness my mother felt. {screams} I just want to move through this phase of my life with all the good lessons I've learned so far like the joy and continue through with more joy, tranquility, and gentleness. I don't want anger to rule my life...
I connected few dots yesturday and I am on the point of breaking through to something huge for myself. It makes me quite excited and I hope that by weeks end when my vacation is ending that I have 'my own best friend habits' set in place. Meaning a way to fight back and save me from the 'internal social pressures' that run amuck in women my age... I am enough and loved.. Now lets take a look a woman's fairytale of a psalms!
One of the major connecting of the dots for me was reading Psalms 18 through the eyes of a woman instead of a soldier or through King David. Put on your female eyes and try it with all the muck that is going on in your life and include your fairytale story and see how this psalm changes your life...
Psalms 18: 1-6 speaks of your love for God and His Mighty ways in your life. Then you call out to be saved from your enemies. What is your enemy? Death - when you just want to live. Death for the woman is feeling like no one cares that your nose is the only thing that is staying above the torent waters. You are treading water but nothing is keeping you afloat. You are tired. You are doing everything and being everybody to family, work etc. Quite simply, you are trying to be the best you and the emotions and feelings are telling you 'not enough, you are just not enough!' So you cry out to God who has been there and has shown Himself to you before but you just not feeling it now and that makes you feel bad even worse.
Now this is the exciting part! Check out Psalms 18: 8-19! How many of us has dreamed of that prince on a white horse coming to our rescue? Why can't there be that rescue for this poor damsel in distress? HERE IT IS!!!! DRINK IT IN!!! See how our woes and distresses anger our God? He is enraged that the enemy is stealing our Joy and our strength. Here in these verses I am floored at the description of His Anger! {dances the happiest jig ever} Read that over and over until you feel it real in your life. Then watch Him swoop down and feel yourself swing through the air coming to rest behind God on His mighty white work stallion. Wrap your arms around Him and don't let go!
Psalms 18:20-24 is where you tell God what you have done in the right ways. It is an honesty check but when you have down the right ways and talk that out to God, you know by keeping His Ways there is blessing there. You are reminding yourself not God because He already knows. It is time for you to get into your path and see through. It is understanding that even when you do everything right and it feels like failure, that is the enemy talking. You talk back with the God-Blessings that you receive by doing right ways.
Psalms 18:25-36 is declaring God Attributes in your life path. Again it is you talking back or aloud about how your Prince has rescued you and has fought the battle for you. It is a self reminder not to get stuck in not being enough. That is death. Stay away from it. God is your Source. He is your Everything from Alpha to Omega. He is your Commander. He has your orders and the way to do them. He is your Husbandman and Keeper. He is your Creator and He sure created us a bit more intricate and intimate that man. He understands all our nuances. He made us this way for a reason - for marriage and for man. He created us naturing and beautiful - two aspects of His Nature. Who else should we go to if we are feeling used up and ugly? The Source!!!! Fill up!!!
Psalms 18:37-42 is showing how God Attributes come through us. He arms us with strength / joy for the battle before us. Look how we crush our destroyers! We are not destroyed. We have the victory.
Psalms 18:42-50 is praise to God who rescued us. We are His chosen and that does not mean we lay down and die. We arise and claim victory over all that seek to crush us. The enemy hates our beauty. Satan will do anything to undermine us. By doing so he thinks he can bring down God. We know this yet our actions say we don't believe that God is our Salvation and Rescuer. Time to live this Psalm out moment by moment. Our story is a romance story and it has a happy ending. Time to make victory in our middles....
{wails beating my chest it is so powerful}
I connected few dots yesturday and I am on the point of breaking through to something huge for myself. It makes me quite excited and I hope that by weeks end when my vacation is ending that I have 'my own best friend habits' set in place. Meaning a way to fight back and save me from the 'internal social pressures' that run amuck in women my age... I am enough and loved.. Now lets take a look a woman's fairytale of a psalms!
One of the major connecting of the dots for me was reading Psalms 18 through the eyes of a woman instead of a soldier or through King David. Put on your female eyes and try it with all the muck that is going on in your life and include your fairytale story and see how this psalm changes your life...
Psalms 18: 1-6 speaks of your love for God and His Mighty ways in your life. Then you call out to be saved from your enemies. What is your enemy? Death - when you just want to live. Death for the woman is feeling like no one cares that your nose is the only thing that is staying above the torent waters. You are treading water but nothing is keeping you afloat. You are tired. You are doing everything and being everybody to family, work etc. Quite simply, you are trying to be the best you and the emotions and feelings are telling you 'not enough, you are just not enough!' So you cry out to God who has been there and has shown Himself to you before but you just not feeling it now and that makes you feel bad even worse.
Now this is the exciting part! Check out Psalms 18: 8-19! How many of us has dreamed of that prince on a white horse coming to our rescue? Why can't there be that rescue for this poor damsel in distress? HERE IT IS!!!! DRINK IT IN!!! See how our woes and distresses anger our God? He is enraged that the enemy is stealing our Joy and our strength. Here in these verses I am floored at the description of His Anger! {dances the happiest jig ever} Read that over and over until you feel it real in your life. Then watch Him swoop down and feel yourself swing through the air coming to rest behind God on His mighty white work stallion. Wrap your arms around Him and don't let go!
Psalms 18:20-24 is where you tell God what you have done in the right ways. It is an honesty check but when you have down the right ways and talk that out to God, you know by keeping His Ways there is blessing there. You are reminding yourself not God because He already knows. It is time for you to get into your path and see through. It is understanding that even when you do everything right and it feels like failure, that is the enemy talking. You talk back with the God-Blessings that you receive by doing right ways.
Psalms 18:25-36 is declaring God Attributes in your life path. Again it is you talking back or aloud about how your Prince has rescued you and has fought the battle for you. It is a self reminder not to get stuck in not being enough. That is death. Stay away from it. God is your Source. He is your Everything from Alpha to Omega. He is your Commander. He has your orders and the way to do them. He is your Husbandman and Keeper. He is your Creator and He sure created us a bit more intricate and intimate that man. He understands all our nuances. He made us this way for a reason - for marriage and for man. He created us naturing and beautiful - two aspects of His Nature. Who else should we go to if we are feeling used up and ugly? The Source!!!! Fill up!!!
Psalms 18:37-42 is showing how God Attributes come through us. He arms us with strength / joy for the battle before us. Look how we crush our destroyers! We are not destroyed. We have the victory.
Psalms 18:42-50 is praise to God who rescued us. We are His chosen and that does not mean we lay down and die. We arise and claim victory over all that seek to crush us. The enemy hates our beauty. Satan will do anything to undermine us. By doing so he thinks he can bring down God. We know this yet our actions say we don't believe that God is our Salvation and Rescuer. Time to live this Psalm out moment by moment. Our story is a romance story and it has a happy ending. Time to make victory in our middles....
{wails beating my chest it is so powerful}
Monday, December 25, 2006
Noel (n)
Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the Heavenly Lights,
who does not change like shifting shadows.
~ James 1:17
Through this year the word 'gift' has toyed with my spirit. As I would try to capture it, off it would go for another spin around me. Quite a dizzy effect. I had a good gift and recognized it from day one. I was always keeping the Eternal in my sight of vision. I did not want to mess up. Well, this good gift expired and I did not quite understand.
I know that Noel means 'Birthday of our Lord' but recently discovered a modern version of the definition means 'Precious Gift'. How fitting! On the human level I tried to express to my gift the value of who he was. But on the Heavenly level I have a Precious Gift like no other.
I do understand that God knows me better than the future I could dream up. He understands my need for 'value' and that that good gift that only lasted four years could not give what he did not have. I can only hope that all I poured into this gift will continue to ripple and nourish my loved one.
Through all the ups and downs and prying my fingers off the gift, Friday past God whipered to prepare my heart and keep it prepared... for what? For the good gift to return... I think more importantly than questions, I need to keep my heart prepared for God Himself. I believe and know for sure that God is the Greatest Gift Giver. You a true gift giver is one who delights in finding that perfect gift that the receiver where the eyes light up and the heart skips a beat or two. Pretty awesome truth.
Christmas Eve this verse came to me. A Christmas Hope that my Heavenly Father and Husbandman does not shift like the shadows of the night. I can whole heartedly trust and lean into Him.
It matters not that good gifts expire because the Precious Gift of all good gifts does not expire. He will continue to bless me with good and perfect gifts. I am here in the moment... expectant...
Friday, October 27, 2006
thought of you the other day .. married?
"I thought that was you! How are you doing? Are you married yet?" An old male acquaintance from my days of working at a card and bookstore in the mall stopped me while I was making my Target run.
"Hi you. Doing well. No, not married. How are you doing?" Oh, good grief! Here we go again. What do you say about not being married?
"I was thinking about you the other day thinking you would have landed a man and be married with kids by now! Boyfriend?" He kept going!
"Nope."
"What is wrong with the guys out there?"
"Blind."
"Are you even out there looking?"
"Nope."
"Well, why not?"
"I don't know. Easier."
"Where are working?" The conversation moves to safer ground for me and we talk about work. But then it goes back to my the lack of a man in my life. So I asked ...
"How is your life?" No, not the exact wording here.
"I have an eight week old baby. A mid life crisis baby. I have a 15 year old girl and a 12 year old boy."
"Ahh, so the little one is the easiest for now."
"Yes!" (Ok, here it is... ) "Wow! I can't believe you aren't snatched up! If I was married, I would be all over you! Good to see you. Take care!"
What am I to feel after that conversation? Why is the past coming at me twice today? God? Am I suppose to be getting something here?
I have asked myself a million times why I don't have a man in my life. There is more to it than the boy friend and the husband part. No man has ever 'looked', pursued, and chose me. Meaning I have had no boyfriend or significant other in all my 30something years. So yeah, a big deal to sort out. So if I don't have a self-ward-shallow-hal syndrome ... then was it the fat suit...
WAIT .. I get it .. You, Heavenly Father, is testing my rudie nudie dash. No more thoughts about what I have done or haven't done to catch a mate. Just keep the focus on rudie nudie dash and know without a doubt that God has looked, pursued, and chose me!!!
busting invisible
"Hi you. Doing well. No, not married. How are you doing?" Oh, good grief! Here we go again. What do you say about not being married?
"I was thinking about you the other day thinking you would have landed a man and be married with kids by now! Boyfriend?" He kept going!
"Nope."
"What is wrong with the guys out there?"
"Blind."
"Are you even out there looking?"
"Nope."
"Well, why not?"
"I don't know. Easier."
"Where are working?" The conversation moves to safer ground for me and we talk about work. But then it goes back to my the lack of a man in my life. So I asked ...
"How is your life?" No, not the exact wording here.
"I have an eight week old baby. A mid life crisis baby. I have a 15 year old girl and a 12 year old boy."
"Ahh, so the little one is the easiest for now."
"Yes!" (Ok, here it is... ) "Wow! I can't believe you aren't snatched up! If I was married, I would be all over you! Good to see you. Take care!"
What am I to feel after that conversation? Why is the past coming at me twice today? God? Am I suppose to be getting something here?
I have asked myself a million times why I don't have a man in my life. There is more to it than the boy friend and the husband part. No man has ever 'looked', pursued, and chose me. Meaning I have had no boyfriend or significant other in all my 30something years. So yeah, a big deal to sort out. So if I don't have a self-ward-shallow-hal syndrome ... then was it the fat suit...
WAIT .. I get it .. You, Heavenly Father, is testing my rudie nudie dash. No more thoughts about what I have done or haven't done to catch a mate. Just keep the focus on rudie nudie dash and know without a doubt that God has looked, pursued, and chose me!!!
busting invisible
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
keeper's menu ...
When given a restaurant’s menu, you discover what your experience at this place will be. From the appetizer to the main course to the drink that washes it down and oh yes, you cannot forget the dessert to top off great dining, you order up whatever you so wish to enjoy. You also will know if the restaurant requires shoes, a shirt or if they are a bit stuffier and require ‘the jacket’ in order to be served. I would like to purpose making a menu of sorts for your own personhood. By having a menu it allows you to bring yourself as equal partner into all your experiences no matter if they are professional or personal. It is making sure that your backbone is intact and able to be tenderly strong!
Coming out from my 600lb fat suit and all the other layers, I want to lay out my new wardrobe (rudie nudie) and diet (core values & personality). I no longer wish to live in the gray zone waffling between what my heart and soul says and what attention I wish for from others. No more secondhand stress overload. I want to see my real 8 year old girl-self. I don’t care if you like me because I must like me.
Here is Keeper’s Menu:
Appetizer – my surface
My surface needs to be in balance with my depth. If I am all shy, I will never be able to show my depth in all its richness. My surface is the warmth and joy that allows my depth to better empathize and connect with you. It allows you to see me the 8 year old.
Joy has been a huge epiphany for me. It has enabled me to move to what I can control instead of drowning in what I cannot. At the time JOY crashed into my world I was at a standstill and I desire to move. Joy became my positive action. I want to be a sunny face to others around me. It is like having a roaring fire in the hearth on a blistery cold day with a mug of blueberry tea warming my hands. It just makes me feel good. My monster smile is real and pleasurable.
Main Course – my depth
My depth needs to be in balance with my surface. If I am all bubbly, I would have no substance after all the bubbles burst. My depth is my core- full of strength and weaknesses but ever growing and passionate. It is my place of hunger and contentment. It is my energy field.
My heartbeat? ‘Be tender, be brave, and be me’. My standard? ‘Joyful, healthy, and strong wings’. Always embracing what is important. No more hiding out in my 600lb fat suit. Wanting to bring clarity to whom I strive to be, allowing expression of my fullness, a way to conduct myself with integrity.
Here I will hold to my core feelings and needs:
1)Joy completes me.
I will celebrating. I will Delight & Savor. I will trade in the chaos for the simple.
2)Balance / healthy
I will be full & be hungry. I will be content yet hungry to grow more Christlike.
Gives me enormous energy
3)Attention / Value (inflow)
I will be good to myself and myself will be good to others.
‘I will be were I am wanted & won’t be were I am not wanted’
No excuses. No grey. I will read only black & white.
True Love will not desert me.
4)Honor & Blessing (empathy)(outflow)
‘where my treasure is, there my heart will be’
I refuse to trade in the permanent for the immediate. Eternity is always my focus.
5)Engage Life (love)
I will not limit or isolate.
I will keep my hands off the wheel so as not to control my life but allow God to control.
I will move to what I can control like delighting, savoring, and declaring His Attributes.
6)Growth / Learning (invitation for God’s Touch on my life)
more not less, better not bitter
making my top 100 – no regrets plan
making yearly themes
7)Wings (inflow)
I will own my passions, my dreams, my gifts, my creativity, my painting, my writing
8)Want (outflow)
I will do what is important to me. I will hunger to be my fullest.
‘Movement is medicine.’
10)Tenacity
I am a fighter & nurturer for those people I love & their dreams.
I will be the flame not the moth.
come along side (enduring encourager)
This is the main course of where my feelings and needs lie. What I want for myself, I must be willing to give out. No more excuses for you or for me. I am bringing this to the table in all my professional and personal relationships. No more hiding my authentic me and no more simulating myself to others in hopes they see it differently. Making out my personal menu allows me to a space and confidence to make my rudie nudie dash.
Drink – my delight
My delight is the how I engage with God and with those around me. It hydrates my heart and soul to be the complete. It is the service of love. Delight surrounds my surface and my depth like a bubble.
Dessert – my fullness
My fullness is what I will enjoy. After working out the menu, I get to set back and enjoy the fullness of my being. Nothing is missing or fragmented. It is pure satisfaction.
So here is Keeper’s Menu.
If I fail to uphold these self-truths, my course of action is to peel off the 600lb fat suit by going back over the meal and ordering up the missing parts of my diet.
Note1: As I was writing this menu out, I kept having to backspace all the ‘I want you’s …’ and make this from what I want because (!!!!) it is not about you but about me! I must remember.
Note2: Gary Smalley suggests making a marriage constitution/ menu and a family constitution / menu to bring unity, clarity to what is important, and a standard for behavior. What a great idea! All the participants get involved in the making and even the discipline. (The discipline works so much better when the children are involved with how they should be disciplined because they are harder on themselves!)
From his suggestion I saw a great way to keep the fat suit off! I had to make this personal. I now have the right diet to make my rudie nudie dash.
from fat suit to rudie nudie
Coming out from my 600lb fat suit and all the other layers, I want to lay out my new wardrobe (rudie nudie) and diet (core values & personality). I no longer wish to live in the gray zone waffling between what my heart and soul says and what attention I wish for from others. No more secondhand stress overload. I want to see my real 8 year old girl-self. I don’t care if you like me because I must like me.
Here is Keeper’s Menu:
Appetizer – my surface
My surface needs to be in balance with my depth. If I am all shy, I will never be able to show my depth in all its richness. My surface is the warmth and joy that allows my depth to better empathize and connect with you. It allows you to see me the 8 year old.
Joy has been a huge epiphany for me. It has enabled me to move to what I can control instead of drowning in what I cannot. At the time JOY crashed into my world I was at a standstill and I desire to move. Joy became my positive action. I want to be a sunny face to others around me. It is like having a roaring fire in the hearth on a blistery cold day with a mug of blueberry tea warming my hands. It just makes me feel good. My monster smile is real and pleasurable.
Main Course – my depth
My depth needs to be in balance with my surface. If I am all bubbly, I would have no substance after all the bubbles burst. My depth is my core- full of strength and weaknesses but ever growing and passionate. It is my place of hunger and contentment. It is my energy field.
My heartbeat? ‘Be tender, be brave, and be me’. My standard? ‘Joyful, healthy, and strong wings’. Always embracing what is important. No more hiding out in my 600lb fat suit. Wanting to bring clarity to whom I strive to be, allowing expression of my fullness, a way to conduct myself with integrity.
Here I will hold to my core feelings and needs:
1)Joy completes me.
I will celebrating. I will Delight & Savor. I will trade in the chaos for the simple.
2)Balance / healthy
I will be full & be hungry. I will be content yet hungry to grow more Christlike.
Gives me enormous energy
3)Attention / Value (inflow)
I will be good to myself and myself will be good to others.
‘I will be were I am wanted & won’t be were I am not wanted’
No excuses. No grey. I will read only black & white.
True Love will not desert me.
4)Honor & Blessing (empathy)(outflow)
‘where my treasure is, there my heart will be’
I refuse to trade in the permanent for the immediate. Eternity is always my focus.
5)Engage Life (love)
I will not limit or isolate.
I will keep my hands off the wheel so as not to control my life but allow God to control.
I will move to what I can control like delighting, savoring, and declaring His Attributes.
6)Growth / Learning (invitation for God’s Touch on my life)
more not less, better not bitter
making my top 100 – no regrets plan
making yearly themes
7)Wings (inflow)
I will own my passions, my dreams, my gifts, my creativity, my painting, my writing
8)Want (outflow)
I will do what is important to me. I will hunger to be my fullest.
‘Movement is medicine.’
10)Tenacity
I am a fighter & nurturer for those people I love & their dreams.
I will be the flame not the moth.
come along side (enduring encourager)
This is the main course of where my feelings and needs lie. What I want for myself, I must be willing to give out. No more excuses for you or for me. I am bringing this to the table in all my professional and personal relationships. No more hiding my authentic me and no more simulating myself to others in hopes they see it differently. Making out my personal menu allows me to a space and confidence to make my rudie nudie dash.
Drink – my delight
My delight is the how I engage with God and with those around me. It hydrates my heart and soul to be the complete. It is the service of love. Delight surrounds my surface and my depth like a bubble.
Dessert – my fullness
My fullness is what I will enjoy. After working out the menu, I get to set back and enjoy the fullness of my being. Nothing is missing or fragmented. It is pure satisfaction.
So here is Keeper’s Menu.
If I fail to uphold these self-truths, my course of action is to peel off the 600lb fat suit by going back over the meal and ordering up the missing parts of my diet.
Note1: As I was writing this menu out, I kept having to backspace all the ‘I want you’s …’ and make this from what I want because (!!!!) it is not about you but about me! I must remember.
Note2: Gary Smalley suggests making a marriage constitution/ menu and a family constitution / menu to bring unity, clarity to what is important, and a standard for behavior. What a great idea! All the participants get involved in the making and even the discipline. (The discipline works so much better when the children are involved with how they should be disciplined because they are harder on themselves!)
From his suggestion I saw a great way to keep the fat suit off! I had to make this personal. I now have the right diet to make my rudie nudie dash.
from fat suit to rudie nudie
Monday, October 09, 2006
from 'fat suit' to rudie nudie ...
(email from PreciousGift March ‘05)
Here's a word pic...
Keeper is an 8yo Keeper and is just out of the bath.
She realizes she hasn't got a towel... =0
What does she do???
She stands there, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling.
She looks at the door lock, and the door knob.
She hesitates.
She puts her ear to the door and listens... NO foot steps or voices... only her own breathing can she hear.
She looks at the door lock and the door knob again
She holds her breath.
She jams her leg and knee against the door.
She reaches up and grabs the door knob tightly... and .... turns it ever so slowly.
She unbolts the door quietly... not even a sound.
She hears the internal latch click to release the door.
She breathes again.
She listens... and removes her knee.
She pulls the door ajar to reveal the outside light of the hallway.
She peeks through the crack and looks for signs of movement.
She sees all is still and quiet.
She opens the door more... enough to push her head past the door.
She slowly moves her head around the corner of the door post.
She peeps and she peeks both left and right... quiet.. still.
She flings the door wide open and in a single motion dashes down the hall to the safety of her room.
She slams the door and feels the heaving of her chest as she realizes a victory!!!!!
A naked dash...
A rudie nudie dash... to safety!
(IM conversation over email just sent:)
pg: you ok? rudie girl
k: i didnt realize that i was hiding. You stated it and i see it. Have a ways to go but i am sooo much better than in those old days. i feel better at knowing and showing the real me .....
pg: I don't think you have a ways to go i think you're there
k: ohhh coool! i have done lots of growing .... and stretching .... letting the butterfly wings dry…
pg: i think by honoring your own thoughts you will empower yourself and become the woman Keeper was cut out to be ..
.. yes you have grown... but where have you grown????? if you think about it... you are still the same girl you were at 8 years of age
k: ahhh i see .....
pg: you have just learnt to come out and expose yourself to the possible criticism of being someone you've always been. the ugly duckling story... we always try to fit into surroundings that are not our own. they are other people's environments... we take them on because to us it seems safe...
k: yesssss .. i was more bold in my elementary years ... i saw myself go quiet ..... and now i am becoming more comfortable with the real me
pg: EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wooooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooo!!! touch down! I love the little girl you were meant to be not the one you were told to be.
k: way cooool .... (speeeechlessssss)
pg: i know i know, you want a hug now... good grief... women ((((((Keeper))))))
k: thank you .... I you have given me such praise ..
..did you ever see shallow hale?
pg: yep... loved it and hated it
k: here probably comes the 'fake me' ... i sometimes believe that i have self afflicted shallow hal belief
pg: nope... I don't believe it .. from what you've told me of yourself... even if a guy were drop dead gorgeous... you get bored with him if he was self centered or dim... or withdraw from him if he had a critical nature.
k: true
pg: you ain’t shallow hal
k: i mean that i look at myself .... seeing nothing wrong ..... yet .... nothing seems to come from it .... sooo i think maybe what i see is the 'thin ' me ... but I’m really the 'fat' me figuratively
pg: nope... again your thoughts betray the real you. the real you wonders why she hasn't been picked up by a guy... right?
k: your right
pg: so if i can't be how she looks... her mind says there must be something sinister or gross people see in me... right?
k: yup
pg:truth is that the sinister thing is created by Keeper... because people can see one Keeper... and the real Keeper is trying to shine trough. they get confused because they're not sure which Keeper to like
I know you're not really 600lb
I know you are shy
I know you have some wonderful thoughts
I know you are a good person
I know you are attractive to look at
I know you are frightened to reveal the real you... because you've been criticized for a long time and it's my guess you've taken to self-criticism as a result
k: guilty
pg: but I wouldn't be here corresponding to a woman with no face for 4 years if I didn't think she was a genuinely, kind, thoughtful attractive woman
k: thank you for that
pg: now I'm getting all gooey
k: goooey looks goood on you!
I look back at that girl and realize she still didn’t get it! She got caught up with the nude word. She felt it meant that maybe she had been dishonest (holding back) with him and how could that be? She was the most honest with him than most relationships … No, it wasn’t about dishonestly rather it was how she had lost herself over the years.
What had happened with this girl was the vulnerable (nude part) was getting tired of being hurt. So to cope she would put on more layers. Once the turtleneck, gloves inside mittens, long sleeves, long pants, two pairs of wool socks made from Aussie sheep, high boots, and long thick winter coat, hat, and muffler stopped keeping her warm from the bite of the outside world, she resorted to putting on a ‘fat suit’. Yes, she put that ‘fat suit’ right on top of all the other layers!
In her twenties she had completely lost the 8 yo little girl she once was so she started fixing herself with self-help books which only added more fat in her fat suit. All those layers restricted her freedom and movement causing more fear and a whole lot of disappointment.
What caused this fear and wanting protection from hurt? It started out with her shy personality. Little words would add up that she just wasn’t good enough to be wanted or needed. Buck tooth beaver slander any chance of her to be beautiful to others. Even with teeth straightening didn’t work. Plus, add the thick glasses she now wore. The little girl felt so frightened around the boys that she feared looking or acting stupid in front of them. Never believed that she was smart, she had very average to below average grades to prove it. Nothing could knock this fear she had. It left her very mindful of just wanting some attention and safety from someone of the opposite sex.
Women in particular are caretakers and are to be beautiful. Little girls begin to lose themselves by trying so hard to be attractive to others. They like good attention. They want special attention. So they start trying to please everyone. That is when the layers begin. Through each decade loss mounts until all that is visible is this 600lb fat suit. There is no little girl. (men can lose themselves within fat suits too. But this girl is not qualified to answer in this area.
This email and IM conversation never left her mind. The dishonesty factor kept bothering her. Not until now after realizing her precious gift had disappeared (a year and a half later!) – again just another rejection and by her most favorite special person -, did she realize that again she had lost herself by wondering how he thought of her. Why is that she forgets that she is in a relationship with herself for life? Why is it that every time a new relationship comes along she steps down from herself? No more. This must stop. No more carrying around 600lbs of ‘fat suit’.
It is quite alright to be the joyful happy girl. What are girls made for but to be bubbly and sometimes a bit goofy? It is attractive! What does it matter that she shows her smarts especially to guys? Who cares if they think her stupid or smart? She has a title to her thoughts and her journey. Her questions are only for understanding. She only desires to live her best life to the fullest. What does it matter that she might dress up or wear some sparkle? She is a girly girl after all. What does it matter if there is a bit of tear leakage? She is a deep feeler. Then there is the fact that because she is a woman, her protective instincts kick in and like most women out in public on her own she averts her eyes.
From now on the fear will be confronted with this new epiphany. Is the fear coming from what others might think of her? Then so what! She will make her rudie nudie dash. Is the fear from rejection of her or her ability? Then so what! She will make her rudie nudie dash. Is the fear coming from ‘oh, it has never been done before’? Then so what! She will make her rudie nudie dash. Is the fear coming from her own desire to make her dreams come true? Then so what! She will make her rudie nudie dash. But if the fear is coming from her gut, then and only then will she put on a protective layer.
No longer will she hide under the 600lb fat suit. No longer will her spirit be restricted. If you don’t like her and you reject her, it will be painful but from now on her relationship with herself will be equal partners with her work life, with her dreams, with her family life, with her future mate, and with any other relationship along the way. If you don’t like it too bad!!! You will certainly miss out on her softness, her compassion, her empathy, her joy, her passions, her tenacity, her fight, her warm big brown eyes, her monster smile, her ‘alongsidedness’, her teamwork, her delight & savor, and her bigness wrapped in a small package.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
the breakdown of breakup smarts ...
1) Stop eating sour grapes
'whoever eats sour grapes—his own teeth will be set on edge' jer 31:30
If something is unclear, if there is rejection, if there is a disappearance, if there is neglect, if there is abuse in a relationship, then you are eating sour grapes. Feeling edgy? No wonder!
2) Step away / See clearly
Step away to allow breathing room. (they recommend 60days no contact) See clearly. If you need to write down the break up and translate it into words that you understand better. Painful but needed. Moves you quicker through the searing blindness and onto your furture.
3) Take your hands off the wheel
Stop controlling. Even if you think you have the hands off approach down pat, there are still stuttle ways to sneak the hands onto the wheel. Yup, that means no knees either!
4) Own your life journey
To live deeply is to own every experience that comes your way. Inhale and feel it evade every part of your being so that you are not an empty vessel.
5) Celebrate the classy balanced superfox that you are
You are valueable to this world. All your gifts, talents, and dreams that are in you are made to be given out to those that come into your world. So make sure you take care of you!
ok temper tantrum
Enough with the break up part, huh? Yeah, I've had enough of it too. It sure helped me step back into my future. Yes, break ups are a part of life, but what about caretaking and make ups? I am a very stedfast person. I have deep roots. I use to be bold and try to tackle relationship issues head on until that didn't work. I feel that you should be able to discuss a problem without winning. Find the smallest but most real thorn and make changes for the next leg of the journey. How else are you to have a really good deep marriage or relationship? How do you say 'that hurts don't do it again.' It is troubling to me to see my friends' marriages breaking up. It is painful to have a family member disrespect me and then get angry with me for trying to say don't. It just broke more because I tried to pursue the issue to fix it up. So that is what I am searching and will be revealing my discoveries here. Heads up with hope - there has to be some makeup smarts out there!
'whoever eats sour grapes—his own teeth will be set on edge' jer 31:30
If something is unclear, if there is rejection, if there is a disappearance, if there is neglect, if there is abuse in a relationship, then you are eating sour grapes. Feeling edgy? No wonder!
2) Step away / See clearly
Step away to allow breathing room. (they recommend 60days no contact) See clearly. If you need to write down the break up and translate it into words that you understand better. Painful but needed. Moves you quicker through the searing blindness and onto your furture.
3) Take your hands off the wheel
Stop controlling. Even if you think you have the hands off approach down pat, there are still stuttle ways to sneak the hands onto the wheel. Yup, that means no knees either!
4) Own your life journey
To live deeply is to own every experience that comes your way. Inhale and feel it evade every part of your being so that you are not an empty vessel.
5) Celebrate the classy balanced superfox that you are
You are valueable to this world. All your gifts, talents, and dreams that are in you are made to be given out to those that come into your world. So make sure you take care of you!
ok temper tantrum
Enough with the break up part, huh? Yeah, I've had enough of it too. It sure helped me step back into my future. Yes, break ups are a part of life, but what about caretaking and make ups? I am a very stedfast person. I have deep roots. I use to be bold and try to tackle relationship issues head on until that didn't work. I feel that you should be able to discuss a problem without winning. Find the smallest but most real thorn and make changes for the next leg of the journey. How else are you to have a really good deep marriage or relationship? How do you say 'that hurts don't do it again.' It is troubling to me to see my friends' marriages breaking up. It is painful to have a family member disrespect me and then get angry with me for trying to say don't. It just broke more because I tried to pursue the issue to fix it up. So that is what I am searching and will be revealing my discoveries here. Heads up with hope - there has to be some makeup smarts out there!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
you want to report a missing person?
Who is he in relationship to you?
He was a really good friend. I felt the connection right off. We both marveled at the feeling of home we felt with each other.
Describe your relationship.
Our relationship from the start was one that I was very comfortable with. I could tell that I could talk about anything. It amazed me that I finally could talk to another person about spiritual things without any confusion. We were on the same wave length .. same language. Over the four years we kept getting closer where he asked if he could call me. Four hours plus chattering on the phone seemed so short because we felt we had finally mattered to someone.
Was he showing signs of leaving?
Oh yes, from day one he showed signs of leaving. He was trying to establish himself at the time. He had no real place of his own or computer. He relied on internet cafes. He did make connections with me. There was a conversation about how if I was still around enabled him to realize if I was a reliable friend. Then there was a time he was gone for 6 months. It was a long time for me to handle but it was ok because he was back. We just picked up where we had left off. To most people that is part of being a good friend. However, the last year we had made huge strides in taking our friendship deeper to the point where leaving and picking back up isn't an option for me. We were making plans on writing a book together. I felt that was a commitment. He sent be a leaving letter explaining that he was too busy and too tired. It really bothered me. He never left it open to him coming back.
Looking back I see that his leaving letter was a ‘rejection’ letter. I just couldn’t understand it. He did email me once every month after about where he was spiritually. I always felt the letters was not a personal letter to me rather to a group. He never spoke of how he was or how his kids where. Then somewhere in November I heard no peep from him. I personally felt he had a problem with flight whenever it got rough. I just never saw it as him leaving me rather his life was out of whack. I never saw the rejection as rejection till now. To me it was a disappearance. It still is.
What has this whole disappearance mean to you?
I was extremely angry about it. Disappearance is really about devaluing another and allowing the person to feel unworthy of your presence. I could not believe he would do this to me. I was conflicted if he was just that broken down or if I wasn’t worthy enough for his presence. Maybe I put too much into this disappearance. I tried to sweep it aside giving him allowances. I found that it only made me more mad at God than with him. I am finding out how deep it goes that valuing others and treatment is important. Your presence is extremely important. Withholding is abuse. No more excuses. I am not mad at God any more. I am not mad at him either. Disappointed? Yes.
My life has been a constant reminder that ‘I will not be where I am not wanted’, but there is another part to that equation to make it complete. ‘I will not be where I am not wanted so I will be where I want to be in my journey’ (~k). Love life. I refuse to give up on the Joy that has transformed my life. Part of Joy is enjoying God and all His creations. I am one of His creations. He delights in me. I cannot be forgotten because He has etched my name in His hands. I have pressed myself deeper into the side of Jesus. I can’t let go. I am more upright now and not so broken. It feels like I have come through it and into the sunshine.
I feel like I am more aware of the ‘wanting something bad enough you will do something about it’. It has always been there. I remember my mother at her wits in over my lack of pride in cleaning the sinks. Her final words have always stuck with me. ‘If it is important enough to you, you will move heaven and earth to do something about it.’ It might have been about pride in my cleaning but as this still haunts me as an adult, I must know what is important to me. I feel more certain that if I feel a disappearance coming on or a lack of enthusiasm, I will be putting the feet to the flame. I won’t be afraid so much to ask what is important to you. I will walk away more sure of who you are and with my head held high.
Disappearance and rejection is stuck and unable to let go. Giving excuses is also holding onto the wheel. Now that I recognize that I will be more carefree with my life. I refuse to hold the wheel. The best that has come my way has been because God was the only One driving. My most favorite and safe way to life my life is no hands. =)
quickie
hands-off off-roading=
* not trying to manipulate how you feel about me
* allowing you to disappear and not go crazy
* not being where I am not wanted but being where I want to be in my journey
* not making excuses for you but excusing myself gracefully to go out on the dance floor and love life joyfully (~k)
'so into you' letter
He was a really good friend. I felt the connection right off. We both marveled at the feeling of home we felt with each other.
Describe your relationship.
Our relationship from the start was one that I was very comfortable with. I could tell that I could talk about anything. It amazed me that I finally could talk to another person about spiritual things without any confusion. We were on the same wave length .. same language. Over the four years we kept getting closer where he asked if he could call me. Four hours plus chattering on the phone seemed so short because we felt we had finally mattered to someone.
Was he showing signs of leaving?
Oh yes, from day one he showed signs of leaving. He was trying to establish himself at the time. He had no real place of his own or computer. He relied on internet cafes. He did make connections with me. There was a conversation about how if I was still around enabled him to realize if I was a reliable friend. Then there was a time he was gone for 6 months. It was a long time for me to handle but it was ok because he was back. We just picked up where we had left off. To most people that is part of being a good friend. However, the last year we had made huge strides in taking our friendship deeper to the point where leaving and picking back up isn't an option for me. We were making plans on writing a book together. I felt that was a commitment. He sent be a leaving letter explaining that he was too busy and too tired. It really bothered me. He never left it open to him coming back.
Looking back I see that his leaving letter was a ‘rejection’ letter. I just couldn’t understand it. He did email me once every month after about where he was spiritually. I always felt the letters was not a personal letter to me rather to a group. He never spoke of how he was or how his kids where. Then somewhere in November I heard no peep from him. I personally felt he had a problem with flight whenever it got rough. I just never saw it as him leaving me rather his life was out of whack. I never saw the rejection as rejection till now. To me it was a disappearance. It still is.
What has this whole disappearance mean to you?
I was extremely angry about it. Disappearance is really about devaluing another and allowing the person to feel unworthy of your presence. I could not believe he would do this to me. I was conflicted if he was just that broken down or if I wasn’t worthy enough for his presence. Maybe I put too much into this disappearance. I tried to sweep it aside giving him allowances. I found that it only made me more mad at God than with him. I am finding out how deep it goes that valuing others and treatment is important. Your presence is extremely important. Withholding is abuse. No more excuses. I am not mad at God any more. I am not mad at him either. Disappointed? Yes.
My life has been a constant reminder that ‘I will not be where I am not wanted’, but there is another part to that equation to make it complete. ‘I will not be where I am not wanted so I will be where I want to be in my journey’ (~k). Love life. I refuse to give up on the Joy that has transformed my life. Part of Joy is enjoying God and all His creations. I am one of His creations. He delights in me. I cannot be forgotten because He has etched my name in His hands. I have pressed myself deeper into the side of Jesus. I can’t let go. I am more upright now and not so broken. It feels like I have come through it and into the sunshine.
I feel like I am more aware of the ‘wanting something bad enough you will do something about it’. It has always been there. I remember my mother at her wits in over my lack of pride in cleaning the sinks. Her final words have always stuck with me. ‘If it is important enough to you, you will move heaven and earth to do something about it.’ It might have been about pride in my cleaning but as this still haunts me as an adult, I must know what is important to me. I feel more certain that if I feel a disappearance coming on or a lack of enthusiasm, I will be putting the feet to the flame. I won’t be afraid so much to ask what is important to you. I will walk away more sure of who you are and with my head held high.
Disappearance and rejection is stuck and unable to let go. Giving excuses is also holding onto the wheel. Now that I recognize that I will be more carefree with my life. I refuse to hold the wheel. The best that has come my way has been because God was the only One driving. My most favorite and safe way to life my life is no hands. =)
quickie
hands-off off-roading=
* not trying to manipulate how you feel about me
* allowing you to disappear and not go crazy
* not being where I am not wanted but being where I want to be in my journey
* not making excuses for you but excusing myself gracefully to go out on the dance floor and love life joyfully (~k)
'so into you' letter
Saturday, September 16, 2006
'so into you' letter ...
Dear Hot Stuff .. (yes you, miss keeper!),
You wonder if I have noticed you? Just divide the time in half for you to notice me. Don’t worry about your quiet nature or that you feel invisible because I have already noticed you. All it took was your smile and warm eyes to pique my interest. You have been working on your engaging quiet style so stop doubting the aloofness. That was said of you long long ago. It is not there today. Do I want you bad enough? Oh yes! I will pursue you. You desire to know for sure without any doubts that I am into you so go on love life and be certain that I will find you.
Don’t worry about the friendship factor. If I am truly excited about and attracted to you, I won’t stop myself .. I will go for more. I will take it further than friendship. I am not afraid. Too little money, too busy, too stressed, ‘love is too damaged’ is not going to stop me from trying to keep you in my life. Because I dig you, I might ask for personal reasons to go slow, but I will let you know immediately. I won’t keep you guessing; because I want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away. Having said that don’t let me trick you into asking me out. It makes for a lazy me. I want you? I will do the work to keep you. It is ok for you to make me work for your number or for contact information. One note .. if you say no, I will ask again. I am strong enough and for you to know that I am for real, I won’t make you feel lousy. You need to feel comfortable in your decisions and your life. Remember this, men like to pursue women. Yes, I like NOT knowing if I can catch you. In the end I will feel so totally rewarded when I do .. especially if the chase is a long one. Your reward? Knowing that I wanted you enough to pursue you. The chase allows you to know my love.
I will never be toooo busy to call you. I like taking a break from my generally mundane day to talk to someone I like. It makes me happy. I like happy. Just like you. Because I am into you, you are the bright spot in my horribly busy day which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you. Don’t allow any excuses for not calling fool you. Always remember actions speak louder than words especially excuses. Please don’t except the ‘oh, I forgot’! Don’t you want a guy who’ll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you? Yeah, I thought so. I don’t want to be sloppy with my relationships. My promises need to stand solid. My words must retain all the value or you will lose faith in me. I could not stand that. I am into you way too much. Memo: Men are never too busy or forgetful to get what they want. If a guy (jerk) creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on the little thing, he will do the same for the big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s ok with disappointing you. You are too exceptional for me to waste. You are always on my mind. I sure don’t want you to be disappointed in me.
There is a line between ‘hanging out’ and dating. Yes, it is a bit gray so let me clear things up for you so you know my full intentions without guesswork. When I ask you out on a true date, I am making it official. I want to see you alone to find out if there is more to us. I will be taking you out for a public excursion, a good meal, and some hand holding if you allow. ‘Fear of intimacy’ is a definite urban myth to cover a coward’s ways.
Watch out for the word ‘friend’. It is used by both sexes to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. When picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep. So take care of yourself. If you’re crying yourself to sleep, wipe the tear away. Go love life. You are soo worth more than to be used. I want to feel emotionally protected when a relationship becomes serious. I want you to feel safe as well. One way I can prove protected is by laying claim to my relationship to you. I will say that ‘I would like to be your boyfriend’ or ‘I’m your boyfriend’ or ‘If you ever break up with that other guy who’s not your boyfriend, I’d like to be your boyfriend.’ I want you all to myself. I want your beautiful glowing self in my life. You can bet that I won’t allow a couple weeks go by much less once a month without you. I want you so I’ll be calling you, and making you feel good and desired fully. Give your word that you will not tolerate murky, gray, unidentified, and undeclared feelings exist in your romantic relationship. You deserve all the love you dream and wish for in the teamship you dream about.
Even though deep intimacy is best when kept for marriage, men are going to have a hard time keeping his paws off you when they are into you. So yeah, you bet I am going to want to some hand holding and kissing. The nugget here is to know if I am into you or not is to realize if there isn’t touching involved that guy is not into you. Also beware of those that use you to not feel alone. They are just passing the time getting the physical until the girl they are into come along. (User Losers!) You are a beautiful creature inside and out. Stick to your values. I want your values and all. Don’t be tempted to settle for the sake of attention. I will give you my full attention. You are too special to me to neglect your heart.
Now comes the pep talk about cheaters. Don’t ever take the excuse or share the blame for why they cheated. Don’t even ask what you did wrong. Cheating doesn’t just happen. It was planned and executed with full knowledge that it could end your relationship. Even if they claim they don’t know why they did it, it is not something you should tolerate. Cheating gets easier over time so why let them do it over and over again? Remember cheaters cheat themselves … because he doesn’t get to be with you!!! Wait for me. I value you too much to cheat you on the relationship you so dream about. I too want a protected marriage. Yes, I believe in communication.
I want you too much to be intoxicated by any other form such as alcohol and drugs. You take my breath away. I feel like a man around your soft gentle ways. You make me smile and laugh. Why would I want to lose any of my precious memories with you?
Every man has laid claim to not wanting to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage or has issues with marriage. That is because they hadn’t found their match. Guarantee I even said those things. Interesting though that you caught my eye and love cured all my commitment phobias! I share your views for the future. I desire a loving commitment for the rest of our days just like you. Sure, there will never be a good time, financially, to get married. Too poor is just an excuse! I am going to let you know as soon as possible that I mean business. I will not give off mix messages. I do care how you are feeling. The ‘I’m not ready’ is another lame excuse. It foreshadows unfulfilling relationship for you. Hold close to your heart, I am a guy who can’t wait to love you. It is a really big deal for a good guy to finally meet the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Never spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you. I want you and you will have not doubts. I definitely want to marry you!!!
Maybe your heart broken by guys who break up with you before I can reach you. ‘I don’t want to go out with you’ means just that. Walk away with class. Walk away with your head held high, graciously, and with dignity. That’s it baby! Don’t be sucker into to doing anything for him. Don’t get all crazy either. Go ahead and grieve for the loss but go out and love life. Love yourself enough to know what you want is ok to have. Know you gave with all your heart. That is the beauty of you. Don’t waste it on him anymore. I can’t wait to enjoy all the beauty you will bring into my life. Believe.. your dreams will come true because I believe too.
Maybe he’s gone. Poof. Vanished into thin air. Confused? Don’t be! He’s made it clear that he’s so not into you that he couldn’t even be bothered to leave a post-it. Sure you want to solve the mystery but the important part of this disappearance is that he didn’t want you and he no guts to say it to your face! Don’t give him the chance to reject you again. No answer is your answer. Case closed. Plainly he did not value you. You crave value and attention. It is extremely important to have respect and interest in you. Keep it. Don’t let him take that desire from you. Don’t be where you’re not wanted but do be where you want to be in your journey. He isn’t even worth the tears you may cry. This truly makes me mad. You are so worthy of loving attention. You are a beautiful woman worthy of my presence. Why would I want to disappear when I have such a radiant woman inside and out right in front of me? I want you and love you too much not to walk the rest of my days hand in hand with you.
Maybe he's married, living with a woman, or has a girlfriend, run girl run! Maybe you didn’t realize right away or maybe he said so or maybe it is an ex he still yelling about or maybe he is crying over his last girlfriend.... welll no matter what if he isn’t all yours, he’s still hers. Another way to put it is if the person you ‘love’ cannot freely spend his days thinking about you and being with you, it’s not REAL love. Unfortunately, we live in a world of broken relationships. Be so careful to keep to your dreams of a good marriage burning. It is ok to break off a bad relationship. I know you are a nice girl but don’t allow men to push you into a place that makes you feel bad. It is toxic. God will bless you with better relationships. (me!) Be ok to walk alone. You are going to meet many men in many different stages of recovering from relationships. If I is really into you, I will get over my issues fast and make sure I don’t lose you. Or I will make it clear to you how I feel, so there’s no mystery, and tell you up front that I’m not up to it right now. And then you best be sure, the minute I am ready, I will run out and find you. You are not easily forgettable.
Maybe he makes you unhappy because he is selfish or he bullies you, or doesn’t like your family and friends. Is he making you happy? No? Cut him loose. I am going to share responsibilities with you. I am going to put effort in taking you out on sweet dates! I am going to remember your birthday. You deserve flowers and walks. I will compliment you and thank you. If I fail in an area of affection, I will take action. You are going to like things that I may not understand but I will make an attempt to love your family and friends. These are your support team and why wouldn’t I want to know them and love them?
Now about yelling, being publicly humiliated, or made to feel fat or unattractive? It’s hard to feel worthy of love when someone is going out of their way to make you feel worthless. I cherish you and there is no way I could damage you with verbal or physical or physiological abuse. Now about leeching off your family, that is using you and those around you. Not going to happen. So if the guy is messed up somewhere, of course you know you can’t fix him. Yes, I am covering all the bases until I can get to you. So some last minute pointers: Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with. You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time. There’s never a reason to shout at someone unless they are in imminent danger. Make space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith!
I want you. I love you. Don’t worry! I’m coming for you! Read this often!
~ your future!
Instead of making notecards of this book, I took the guy smarts and wrote an 'into you' letter.
I will be keeping this lesson learned.
fr: ''He's Just Not that into You'' ~ greg behrendt & liz tuccillo
My Grace is sufficient for you
You wonder if I have noticed you? Just divide the time in half for you to notice me. Don’t worry about your quiet nature or that you feel invisible because I have already noticed you. All it took was your smile and warm eyes to pique my interest. You have been working on your engaging quiet style so stop doubting the aloofness. That was said of you long long ago. It is not there today. Do I want you bad enough? Oh yes! I will pursue you. You desire to know for sure without any doubts that I am into you so go on love life and be certain that I will find you.
Don’t worry about the friendship factor. If I am truly excited about and attracted to you, I won’t stop myself .. I will go for more. I will take it further than friendship. I am not afraid. Too little money, too busy, too stressed, ‘love is too damaged’ is not going to stop me from trying to keep you in my life. Because I dig you, I might ask for personal reasons to go slow, but I will let you know immediately. I won’t keep you guessing; because I want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away. Having said that don’t let me trick you into asking me out. It makes for a lazy me. I want you? I will do the work to keep you. It is ok for you to make me work for your number or for contact information. One note .. if you say no, I will ask again. I am strong enough and for you to know that I am for real, I won’t make you feel lousy. You need to feel comfortable in your decisions and your life. Remember this, men like to pursue women. Yes, I like NOT knowing if I can catch you. In the end I will feel so totally rewarded when I do .. especially if the chase is a long one. Your reward? Knowing that I wanted you enough to pursue you. The chase allows you to know my love.
I will never be toooo busy to call you. I like taking a break from my generally mundane day to talk to someone I like. It makes me happy. I like happy. Just like you. Because I am into you, you are the bright spot in my horribly busy day which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you. Don’t allow any excuses for not calling fool you. Always remember actions speak louder than words especially excuses. Please don’t except the ‘oh, I forgot’! Don’t you want a guy who’ll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you? Yeah, I thought so. I don’t want to be sloppy with my relationships. My promises need to stand solid. My words must retain all the value or you will lose faith in me. I could not stand that. I am into you way too much. Memo: Men are never too busy or forgetful to get what they want. If a guy (jerk) creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on the little thing, he will do the same for the big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s ok with disappointing you. You are too exceptional for me to waste. You are always on my mind. I sure don’t want you to be disappointed in me.
There is a line between ‘hanging out’ and dating. Yes, it is a bit gray so let me clear things up for you so you know my full intentions without guesswork. When I ask you out on a true date, I am making it official. I want to see you alone to find out if there is more to us. I will be taking you out for a public excursion, a good meal, and some hand holding if you allow. ‘Fear of intimacy’ is a definite urban myth to cover a coward’s ways.
Watch out for the word ‘friend’. It is used by both sexes to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. When picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep. So take care of yourself. If you’re crying yourself to sleep, wipe the tear away. Go love life. You are soo worth more than to be used. I want to feel emotionally protected when a relationship becomes serious. I want you to feel safe as well. One way I can prove protected is by laying claim to my relationship to you. I will say that ‘I would like to be your boyfriend’ or ‘I’m your boyfriend’ or ‘If you ever break up with that other guy who’s not your boyfriend, I’d like to be your boyfriend.’ I want you all to myself. I want your beautiful glowing self in my life. You can bet that I won’t allow a couple weeks go by much less once a month without you. I want you so I’ll be calling you, and making you feel good and desired fully. Give your word that you will not tolerate murky, gray, unidentified, and undeclared feelings exist in your romantic relationship. You deserve all the love you dream and wish for in the teamship you dream about.
Even though deep intimacy is best when kept for marriage, men are going to have a hard time keeping his paws off you when they are into you. So yeah, you bet I am going to want to some hand holding and kissing. The nugget here is to know if I am into you or not is to realize if there isn’t touching involved that guy is not into you. Also beware of those that use you to not feel alone. They are just passing the time getting the physical until the girl they are into come along. (User Losers!) You are a beautiful creature inside and out. Stick to your values. I want your values and all. Don’t be tempted to settle for the sake of attention. I will give you my full attention. You are too special to me to neglect your heart.
Now comes the pep talk about cheaters. Don’t ever take the excuse or share the blame for why they cheated. Don’t even ask what you did wrong. Cheating doesn’t just happen. It was planned and executed with full knowledge that it could end your relationship. Even if they claim they don’t know why they did it, it is not something you should tolerate. Cheating gets easier over time so why let them do it over and over again? Remember cheaters cheat themselves … because he doesn’t get to be with you!!! Wait for me. I value you too much to cheat you on the relationship you so dream about. I too want a protected marriage. Yes, I believe in communication.
I want you too much to be intoxicated by any other form such as alcohol and drugs. You take my breath away. I feel like a man around your soft gentle ways. You make me smile and laugh. Why would I want to lose any of my precious memories with you?
Every man has laid claim to not wanting to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage or has issues with marriage. That is because they hadn’t found their match. Guarantee I even said those things. Interesting though that you caught my eye and love cured all my commitment phobias! I share your views for the future. I desire a loving commitment for the rest of our days just like you. Sure, there will never be a good time, financially, to get married. Too poor is just an excuse! I am going to let you know as soon as possible that I mean business. I will not give off mix messages. I do care how you are feeling. The ‘I’m not ready’ is another lame excuse. It foreshadows unfulfilling relationship for you. Hold close to your heart, I am a guy who can’t wait to love you. It is a really big deal for a good guy to finally meet the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Never spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you. I want you and you will have not doubts. I definitely want to marry you!!!
Maybe your heart broken by guys who break up with you before I can reach you. ‘I don’t want to go out with you’ means just that. Walk away with class. Walk away with your head held high, graciously, and with dignity. That’s it baby! Don’t be sucker into to doing anything for him. Don’t get all crazy either. Go ahead and grieve for the loss but go out and love life. Love yourself enough to know what you want is ok to have. Know you gave with all your heart. That is the beauty of you. Don’t waste it on him anymore. I can’t wait to enjoy all the beauty you will bring into my life. Believe.. your dreams will come true because I believe too.
Maybe he’s gone. Poof. Vanished into thin air. Confused? Don’t be! He’s made it clear that he’s so not into you that he couldn’t even be bothered to leave a post-it. Sure you want to solve the mystery but the important part of this disappearance is that he didn’t want you and he no guts to say it to your face! Don’t give him the chance to reject you again. No answer is your answer. Case closed. Plainly he did not value you. You crave value and attention. It is extremely important to have respect and interest in you. Keep it. Don’t let him take that desire from you. Don’t be where you’re not wanted but do be where you want to be in your journey. He isn’t even worth the tears you may cry. This truly makes me mad. You are so worthy of loving attention. You are a beautiful woman worthy of my presence. Why would I want to disappear when I have such a radiant woman inside and out right in front of me? I want you and love you too much not to walk the rest of my days hand in hand with you.
Maybe he's married, living with a woman, or has a girlfriend, run girl run! Maybe you didn’t realize right away or maybe he said so or maybe it is an ex he still yelling about or maybe he is crying over his last girlfriend.... welll no matter what if he isn’t all yours, he’s still hers. Another way to put it is if the person you ‘love’ cannot freely spend his days thinking about you and being with you, it’s not REAL love. Unfortunately, we live in a world of broken relationships. Be so careful to keep to your dreams of a good marriage burning. It is ok to break off a bad relationship. I know you are a nice girl but don’t allow men to push you into a place that makes you feel bad. It is toxic. God will bless you with better relationships. (me!) Be ok to walk alone. You are going to meet many men in many different stages of recovering from relationships. If I is really into you, I will get over my issues fast and make sure I don’t lose you. Or I will make it clear to you how I feel, so there’s no mystery, and tell you up front that I’m not up to it right now. And then you best be sure, the minute I am ready, I will run out and find you. You are not easily forgettable.
Maybe he makes you unhappy because he is selfish or he bullies you, or doesn’t like your family and friends. Is he making you happy? No? Cut him loose. I am going to share responsibilities with you. I am going to put effort in taking you out on sweet dates! I am going to remember your birthday. You deserve flowers and walks. I will compliment you and thank you. If I fail in an area of affection, I will take action. You are going to like things that I may not understand but I will make an attempt to love your family and friends. These are your support team and why wouldn’t I want to know them and love them?
Now about yelling, being publicly humiliated, or made to feel fat or unattractive? It’s hard to feel worthy of love when someone is going out of their way to make you feel worthless. I cherish you and there is no way I could damage you with verbal or physical or physiological abuse. Now about leeching off your family, that is using you and those around you. Not going to happen. So if the guy is messed up somewhere, of course you know you can’t fix him. Yes, I am covering all the bases until I can get to you. So some last minute pointers: Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with. You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time. There’s never a reason to shout at someone unless they are in imminent danger. Make space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith!
I want you. I love you. Don’t worry! I’m coming for you! Read this often!
~ your future!
Instead of making notecards of this book, I took the guy smarts and wrote an 'into you' letter.
I will be keeping this lesson learned.
fr: ''He's Just Not that into You'' ~ greg behrendt & liz tuccillo
My Grace is sufficient for you
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
my 'not into you' letter ...
From : preciousgift
Sent : Sunday, May 8, 2005 5:18 PM
To : keeper
Subj : Quick Hi.
My son said you called yesterday.
I've been working unsustainable hours lately... Have my daughter’s orthodontic work to pay for.
When I get a few minutes to myself I just want to talk to son and daughter, and just be by myself.
Nothing personal, but I close my door and regenerate while I can.
Be good.
Preciousgift
Translation:
From: Not into you
To: not for keeps
Subj: quick good bye
Don’t call me. I am too busy, too poor, too tired, and too insular to carry on a conversation with you. My son and daughter are important BUT NOT YOU. What is left which is less than crumbs is for closing the door to you. It is personal .. me.
I don’t care that we feel like home when we talk. I don’t care if we had some good laughs. I don’t care if I called you first or suggested creating a book together. I don’t care if we had a safe place to explore our inner most thoughts and our walk with God. I don’t care for meat or fluff. I don’t care if you are finally getting down to your naked innermost being with me. I don’t care for friendship or a significant. It is no longer important or of value to me right now. Go away little girl.
good bye and good riddance
not into you
my homework from the book that allows no-excuse truth to understand guys….
''He’s Just Not That into You'' ~greg behrendt & liz tuccillo
Aren’t you being harsh with your translation?
The book was harsh and I cried, but after the storm I was finally able to let go of pain and value me. I resorted back to asking God why when that is the last thing I wanted to do. This was excruciating pain and I don’t want to feel or fall into it again. I wrote out the translation to keep a lesson learned. My life is about how I carry myself on this earth. I refuse broken and beaten.
So PreciousGift is totally written out of your life for good?
If he stays away, yes. If he should come back, there will have to be negotiations for renewal of a friendship. I will be holding his feet to the fire. I was extremely upset over his devaluing us and me.
Don’t get me wrong. PreciousGift is a pretty cool guy. I still care about him and his dreams. I have some pretty great memories of our talks. ‘all good’ a favorite phrase he would use. He is my issac and he’s all God’s.
I take it you had some great memories. What do you do about them?
I keep them. It was pretty awesome to experience a guy who I really dug. He was spiritually on the same wavelength as I was. He also knew how to have a discussion with me without making me feel attacked. I loved his laugh and he made me smile. I felt secure and comfortable with him. I loved that. I loved that we could talk about the color blue without him thinking it was strange. I love that he like asking questions of each other to find out the real us.
It is confusing to me. I felt he really liked me and that I was important friend in his life to up and disappear….
Did you have any little voice in the back saying ‘wait, he isn’t adding up here’?
Yes, he was describing how his sisters where insular. I point out asked him if he wasn’t insular as well. His answer? Yes. I could since his moods especially the ones when everything was overwhelming him. Flight was his speed so I asked him about men and their caves. His answer was helpful but with a million miles of earth and water between us, there was no way for me to reach out touch and he gave me no ways reach him.
What would you do differently?
I would never have called him even in the name of saving money or writing a book. I would have never over emailed him. I would learn to keep it short and simple and only to return his correspondance. If he would complain about meat or naked, I would have held his feet to the fire and say hey, pursue. If you want it, go for it. When he hedge the question about whether what we had would get to more, I would again have to hold him to the fire. If you want it bad enough you will do something about it. No more trying to spare his feelings or my possible awkwardness. If I would have done these things, I would have know for sure about him. If he would have excelled in his pursuit, then I would have know he was strong enough for me.
good gift vs cad, fraud & coward
Sunday, September 10, 2006
good gift vs cad, fraud, & coward
I just found out that my supposed good gift where I made sure I invested in the 'Eternal' is really a cad, fraud, coward, and some other choice words! I am really messed up. I had prided myself in 'keeping my hands off the wheel' and looking back over it .. No! I don't want to admit it ...., my dirty little mitts where all over it. Can I plead my case? No! Any excuses for a man is in its most naked form a poor excuse of a man.
I did NOT want to be angry or harbor ill feelings towards this good gift. Now as the good gift has crumbled apart like a bad wormed up apple, I am horrified...
O my Shephard, I have found this to be a horrible education on man's behavior. I am sicken. I need Your Wisdom. I don't want to call a supposed good gift a cad.... help!
~ a frighten girl always...
all things new
I did NOT want to be angry or harbor ill feelings towards this good gift. Now as the good gift has crumbled apart like a bad wormed up apple, I am horrified...
The evening wolf, infuriated by a day of hunger, was fiercer and more ravenous than he would have been in the morning. May not the furious creature represent our doubts and fears after a day of distraction of mind, losses in business, and perhaps ungenerous tauntings from our fellow men? How our thoughts howl in our ears, "Where is now thy God?" How voracious and greedy they are, swallowing up all suggestions of comfort, and remaining as hungry as before. Great Shepherd, slay these evening wolves, and bid Thy sheep lie down in green pastures, undisturbed by insatiable unbelief.
O Thou who hast laid down Thy life for the sheep, preserve them from the fangs of the wolf.
~ Spurgeon's Evening Sept 10
O my Shephard, I have found this to be a horrible education on man's behavior. I am sicken. I need Your Wisdom. I don't want to call a supposed good gift a cad.... help!
~ a frighten girl always...
Be master of your petty annoyances
& conserve your energies for the big, worthwhile things.
It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out
- it's the grain of sand in your shoe.
~ Robert Service
all things new
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