a day of rejoicing is coming ...

I walked into the hospital room knowing that she was nearing this life's finish line. The cancer was too beastly and too fast. She did open her eyes and spoke in very soft tones. She asked for water and I offer it to her but in the middle of her very slow first sip, her eyes closed like she dozed off. She is in a lot of pain and is on some heavy pain meds. I did hold her hand before the nurse came in to change the clear bags hanging beside her. Her husband encouraged me to talk to her but I found myself falling silent.

The woman in this bed is about 8 years older than me. She is in my childhood memories. I remember her and her sisters baby-sitting me and my brother. They had two cute black and white bull dogs called Moses and Sarah. They lived on a farm and I loved their farm house. I haven't seen her sense. My mom works at the hospital on a floor where a lot of cancer patients go when they are having a major battle with cancer and need hospital care. I happened to call mom about a birthday matter coming up and she said our family friend was back in the hospital and it was not good. I told mom I would come up.

I am sensitive and I try to put my feet in other's shoes. I knew her kids where teenagers and I can help but wonder how these kids were going to cope in the days and years ahead. This beautiful woman has a beautiful husband who talked to me so I began to ask him questions learning more about his family and even finding common bonds like going to the same college. The youngest son was playing football that night. The middle son is marrying and coming home from Chicago this month. The oldest has graduated from college and as a teaching job. She hasn't found love in college and there isn't even a boyfriend. I told her father that it was ok and he said yeah, that you might as well wait until the ONE comes and you just know. I nodded my head in agreement. .... I could now walk out of this room carrying them in my prayers and go to the mats do some major wrestling with the Lord for them.

Earlier in the day I sneaked some time to search for so balm and just happened to read Psalms 8 where it says, where it says 'what is man that you are mindful of him? and where God has made man a little lower than angels and that He gave man dominion over the works of His Hands.' This might be weird that it brought me comfort but I couldn't help but think of all the things God has given us in this life that is like a flower that flourish and passes away. This life is soooooo fragile and the gifts are soooo wonderful. Her gifts? Finding love, marrying a neat guy, having kids .... she probably has a lot more on her list...

A question sent me to wondering ... A mother with early adult children is dying. I am sure she has lots she wants to tell them. Being a daughter myself I cannot dare to go to a time where I don't have my mother to rely on.... I did have a comforting thought... The Word of God has helped me greatly and I am sure for this mother as well. She can rest assured that His Word can guide her children especially because she loved it, they will want to get closer to her by reading It and finding answers needed in today's questions and tests. I love this thought and can let out a comforted sigh...

I told mom that her hubby really loved her and you want to know how I could tell in a short amount of time? He said that finding the love of his life was the best gift Grace College have him. He also asked to hold her hand and said thank you even though it looked like she was sleeping. He has been trying hard to get her home so they can have a bedside wedding of their son today because they are unsure of how long she will be able to hold on and the wedding is schedule at the end of the month. Besides she just wants to go home to die. I don't know how this man is holding on. He did not show any tears but there was a softness around his edges and I am sure that he is putting on his strong face.

I cannot say that she lost her battle with cancer rather she is just finishing this earthy race. She is laying down this earthly mantel to put on her heavenly one called Eternal Life. She is trading in the pain and limitations to walk upright into her Heavenly Father Arms. Her own mother and father are waiting in the wings ready to welcome her home. She will truly understand that death has lost its sting where her loved ones just don't quite understand because it is so raw and painful now. All we can do is 'walk by faith not by sight.' A chorus came to my mind as I was walking and doing some heavy thinking. It brought Joy ... even in this bittersweet time. '... when we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!'


♩♬♪♫
Sing the wondrous love of Jesus,
Sing His mercy and His grace.
In the mansions bright and blessèd
He’ll prepare for us a place.

Refrain

When we all get to Heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the victory!

While we walk the pilgrim pathway,
Clouds will overspread the sky;
But when traveling days are over,
Not a shadow, not a sigh.

Refrain

Let us then be true and faithful,
Trusting, serving every day;
Just one glimpse of Him in glory
Will the toils of life repay.

Refrain

Onward to the prize before us!
Soon His beauty we’ll behold;
Soon the pearly gates will open;
We shall tread the streets of gold.

Refrain♪

Words: Eliza E. Hewitt

love stinks ... teehee

I have a real hard time with Paul when he admonishes the singles to stay single. I think because he seems quite happy to be single and I am not. I think because I have always felt like a misfit and seem to always go against the peer pressure. It just seems that marriage is a place where you can finally breath without looking over your shoulder. So I rather like what Jesus has to say on 'singlehood' in Matthew. It feels more kind and encompasses more singles than those who have no desire for marriage.

Matthew 19:12
For there are eunuchs
who were born thus,
from their mother's womb,
& there are eunuchs
who were made eunuchs by men,
& there are eunuchs
who have made themselves eunuchs
for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake.
He who is able to accept it,
let him accept it.

Well, 40 has brought on me needing to accept singlehood. It is one of the hardest things to do with so many hazards out there sabotaging my every thought. I was going along with my life and my Amigurumi addiction was keeping me level and functioning then I get asked 'if I was married' and 'if I liked boys or not' at a family Christmas function. Then later I get this call if I would like to go on a blind date. This person was well meaning and it was harmless but man, did it send my thoughts in a wild frenzy and I had some low points last week. BTW I said no to a blind date. Good grief! {take deep breath}

I love BNN {worldwide Christian radio} that has great hymns and pastors. With it comes a lot of marriage tidbits and help that I really dig. But after taking stock of my life, I have spent 20 years studying marriage, what a wife is, and what makes boys tick because I wanted to have the best marriage and be the best wife I could be. Now it gets me because singles need help. If a good marriage is a mission field for all those out there with bad ones then being single should be a mission field for all the singles messing around or are walking wounded. Elizabeth Elliot said "our disappointments are God's appointments." This is a good boost for a thought I have been nursing for the past months. Something along the lines of Singlehood Survival .... of course I am not main stream so maybe my survival kit wouldn't help others. If I create this dream and it only helps me to be full joy and vibrant than it is worth it. I know vague on the dream but people like to rain on my parade and fail to shush and truly listen.

Oh, I have thought of a retort for those pesky questions on my marital status and it is Biblical! It is good for those 'talk backs' I need to pack myself when the heart starts to bleed and the mind goes into downward spiral and the tears heave. I might not quote all the verse as it just might blood to boil but parts of it still packs some heat....

Marriage is honorable ...
be content with such things as you have.
For Jesus Himself has said,
"I will never leave you nor forsake you."
So we may boldly say:
"The Lord is my Helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?"
~ Hebrews 13:4-6

If I really need to shut someone up, I would quote all of it but this saids a lot right here. It certainly shuts me up! I do get a killer wicked grin on my face and I get my mind back and the bleeding stops and the tears recede. I am sure I will have dark episodes and that I would be out the woods on this but I have my footing back and I will keep fortifying myself with His Love Letter.

hb gift ...

I decided that for his birthday this year the only thing I could do is pray.

A lesson that I began to get a grip on last fall was that it is time that I focus on what is solid and true. No more going with a gut feeling and this goes with the questions I ask God and my prayer life. What is solid and true? God and His Word.

With my relationship with guy who is a believer, I always focused on the Eternal. We might not be able to touch each other but we are in the Family and we spoke the Language. Because we were believers, I was always talking to God about my part in this relationship, however, my questions were asking for answers that would not be solid which means that I was going more on what I thought or felt what was right than beginning with God's Words. Look where this got me! NO WHERE. The relationship is gone and there was no fight to keep it. He just left and I was left with no way to get answers. It was hurtful and painful enough that I VOW to NEVER let the feelings get in the way of ROCK SOLID TRUTH.

So with the only thing being ROCK SOLID TRUTH - God and His Word, I have left this relationship as 'being knitted together'. (Oh, he was a good gift) Paul in many of his letters to the early churches starts off telling these early christians that he is praying for them and their faith. I love this so became the perfect gift so someone who was sooo precious to me who does not read emails and has moved and reverted into insular habits.

I took 13 days at 7ish AM & then every hour on the 12th day through the 13th day (since he is a day ahead) to pray for a Joy invasion for his life as well as trust, faith, & protection on his life. I used verses to pray. I also thanked God for the memories I had with 'the leaver' and my lessons learned and am continuing to learn.

A side note about keeping the focus on reading and doing what the Word says even in prayer, I noticed that I am not whining and whimpering and getting messy with my prayers. It is all about TALKING BACK the Word. I come away stronger and lighter. It doesn't mean that I don't feel sad or upset, I do still have all the feelings but my mind is being renewed.

It will be interesting to see how prayer worked here on earth when I reach the other shore.....

Ps 15: 8 & 29
... but the prayer of the upright is HIS DELIGHT.
... but He hears the prayers of the righteous.

AMEN!!!

a form of godliness

Why search for spirituality in books or so called guru's? Why search for spirituality on tv or some famous person? Why search for spirituality from someone peddling hope or from government hand-me-downs? Why search for spirituality any where but the Source? We live in dangerous times and seek after a false spirituality.

I have always believe you must go to the source. Never go on what someone else's word. God's Word is my Source for Right Ways and for keep watch over the dark and evil ways.

As I was reading II Tim 3:5-7, I was stopped in my tracks because here I saw something laid out in Scripture that was an actual description of a predominant tv female person who reaches homes all over the world. It was kind of frighting.

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.
People .... having a form of godliness but denying its power.
Have nothing to do with them.

They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women,
who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires,
always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.

This is very dangerous for women because we can be swayed. The only way to not get caught in this web is to feed on the Word as much as you pray and we are to pray w/o ceasing! Having a relationship with God is a two way street. Don't be the only one having a gab fest! Let God do some major talking.

All Scripture is God-breathed
and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,
so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
II Tim 3:16-17

So Whom is your Source for your spirituality?

basket of nerves ...

I called up little bro today. He is leaving for Chicago early in the morning to head down for Nicaragua (1wk) for his masters degree. He is always a basket of nerves but being far away from I didn't know if he was rattling around. At the holidays he seemed quite still and ok. Well, I am glad I called. He is concerned and he also feels that the 'planners' didn't really plan as well as he hopes. Plus, he had to sign a form saying that if he should die while on the trip that his family could not sue. That really bugs him. Of course it would, he is a husband and a new dad.

I took the 'fear not' verses that I had compiled together from our Christmas get together and emailed them to my family this week. He took it and emailed it to the group that is going on the trip. He says that he has some fears. But you know I believe strongly that believers will have fear feelings but it is what we do with those feelings. We need to dig ourselves deep into God's Word and lean hard into them - like palm trees in hurricane winds. They bend and don't break... I call it renewing of the mind... or my favorite 'talking back'!!!! I start 'talking back' God's Word straight into the face of fear. I even get out my little soap box {grins}.

I told him that I would take his fears and pray. Not only that but I am praying the 'fear not' verses for him. It is amazing at the power of God's Word! I also told little bro that when I am restless or nerveous that I take out my New Testament that I carry with me and read the Psalms. It is amazes me that every time I do so, I feel calm... maybe he will try it too.... Most of all I will be praying that he relaxes and finds God's beauty in the place and see God moving in the people and in him...

Are You not ...?

I always love a good outline for a letter. Letters are important way to communicate. You are alone with your thoughts and you are forming thought into words and trying to reach out. Prayer is like letter. Ravi pointed out that Johoshaphat's prayer took on a form and questioned what we would put into our letter/prayer to God.

~II Chronicles 20:1-30 for your own read~

Dear God,
Are You not _____________?
Did You not _____________?
Will You not _____________?
from me.

I love having something to chew on and this really makes you think and seek out God in His Word. It makes you look at the Great Stories of Promise and Blessing and pull them into your life. It is 'talking back' the Word. It is putting your faith on the line and then seeing God work His way in your life.