monthly thoughts of 2009

Jan: Romanced by an Everlasting Love - Jer 31:3
Feb: Faithful & True - Rev 19:11
Mar: StrongMan - Matthew 12:29
Apr: Sovereign
May: Provider - JEHOVAH-JIREH = the Lord shall provide
Jun: Perfect Love - 1 John 4:18
Jul: my Shepherd - Ps 23
Aug: Shield & Defender
Sep: Love that will not let me go - ♫ O Love ♫
Oct: First & Last - Isa 44:6
Nov: Fullness of Joy - Ps 16:11
Dec: Gift Giver

This year's theme was about God's romance for me and I found that His Names are like pet names or love names. I was hoping to focus all my love desires on Jesus so I wouldn't be so mucked up with being single. I have spent about twenty five years studying how to be a good wife, have a good marriage, and figuring out the male species. I have come up empty handed. Now if I find myself still single at 80 and some little old man wants to sweep me off my feet and marry me, FORGET IT. Nada. Never. If you couldn't make me a honest woman when I was young and I spent all my days fending for myself, you don't get me. I know that is the future and I really don't know how I will feel but here at 40, I am feeling both. I want companionship but I am so sick of what I am finding that no I don't want to get married.

Why is it that I am a responsible woman cleaning up my life and working out my issues and GROWING when a man seems to think that he can be a couch potato in full out hibernation till hell freezes over when it comes to his relationships and his spiritual life? Look, I cannot nor will I try to change a man but to sit back and see that a man zonk out, run away, or shut out issues that bite him on the nose is ludicrous! Give it up to the Heavenly Father already! Man cannot change himself but to runaway isn't working. Seek God and He will always be there. I know, the soapbox is out and I am shouting away. A raving mad old maid here. Laugh away. Low point here. {sighs} Just a question that has boiled over and is burning the bottom of the pot.

I think I need to stay here and focus on my romance with my Heavenly Father as my heart is broken and scarred. It still needs the Hands of the Master Physician to heal up my wounds. I did not feel this way all year. Crochet amigurumies has insulated my heart but for some reason it is huge right now. Maybe because someone tried to set me up and my heart went into attack mode. They had my well being in mind but even so it messed up the seemingly calm waters. So because I am having issues, 2010 is following 2009 with a Elizabeth Elliott's quote "Our disappointments are God appointments." I am seeking to use my disappointments for God. When I seek Him, He always find me.... saving me from myself!

fav hymns for 2009

* "I Know He Cares"
* "Under His Wing"
* "Sheltered in the Arms of God"
* "Darker the Night - Brighter the Light when I walk with Him"

wishes for 2010

to create a gift stash
I wish to start thinking and creating gifts now for my family and friends. There is no payoff for gift making that begins to hit crunch time. Christmas comes and goes too fast and I end up feeling badly. I also have a lot of birthdays towards the in end of the year too so I am putting my foot down. I have made some notes on some prospects on gift making already! I must be working always on a gift. When they are finished I am going to tab them with the name and the event. I am going to get a fabric cube to store these gifts that I can fold away when at Christmas. I will also work on a small stash of spur of the moment gifts where I can at a whim have a gift ready to give whenever I feel that urge. This spur of the moment gifts will be for my sister-in-law and for my mom to raid when they have that urge too. I have thought about Christmas teacher gifts my niece to give. I was able to put more thought in some of my gifts this year and would love to be more ahead on my gifts so that I can spend time on the wrap and presentation of them.

to keep creativity going
I have been like an addict when it came to creating Amigurumies and from my symptoms I want to put it to some of my other crafts. I love paper, cross stitch, fabric yo-yo's, loom knitting, and words. I want to marry all my crafts into one so that I am not lopsided! I also want to be more artsy with my craft and be able to present well. A gift well wrapped shows thought, love, and listening. I have made pom pom flowers and used sticks as stems. I want to polish this up with yo-yo flowers and butterflies etc. I want a unique vase of flowers on my desk that everyone wants!!!

to get back my kitchen table back & tame the glass
I have been struggling at keeping my table clear (on and around). I want the work space not only for writing or crafting but for what it is intended, cooking and eating!!! I want to invite my Mom over again for a bit of cuppa and cake. The cake part is a challenge too because it will have to have no sugar or flour and it might be fine for me but might not be sweet or tasty enough for others (worth a try). My glass has become a beast. I have recycled quite a bit of my glass to trim it down to just choice pieces to paint. It seems that even the small steps get me nowhere.

to write more
This was last year's wish and I did not get anywhere with it but wishing. I did read "Knit Together" which was a great boost of encouragement. I had an idea about a single girl's self help but I don't like self help. This idea is changing back to what I used to do, poetry. Sounds weird but in a world of fast maybe this is the right mode of transportation! We shall see....

to more more
This is going to be a constant wish because movement is good for any age. Crocheting is more sedentary and I don't want to lose out on weight lifting and walking. I have noticed in the past months that I was frantically working the hook because of upcoming events, I was sitting even on the weekends. I don' get out and walk in the cold but I need to get my stepper and my dvds out and movvvvvvvvvvve. Crocheting is just as great for the mind as walking but the body needs to be able to find its peace as well.

to allow 'my disappointments to be God's appointments'
For 2009 I wanted to allow God to romance me and to fear not my constant companion of aloneness and this year I want to continue with Elizabeth Elliot's quote "Our disappointments are God's appointments." To my amazement this crochet addiction I have has helped my mind and heart to stay above the issues of employment and of living this life as just me. The dark nagging voice is overpowered by the joy I found in creating little crochet toys and flowers. Turning 40 has also changed my thoughts about marriage. See I have studied and studied on how to be a good wife and to have a good marriage for two decades and for what really? I did not think I would feel what I am feeling at this age. Why get married now? I know I really didn't want kids of my own but I thought it would happen because that is what you do when you get of college and marry. Didn't happen. The choices I have are men who are dads already and that means baggage and I don't want that. What wholesome guy waited? Momma boys? and then what does that say about me....? Ok, shape up keeper!!!!! I felt that when I turned 60 these thoughts would come. Maybe by 60 I will be quite happy and very ok with the single life without still having that hunger for companionship. So here is to turning my disappointments into God's appointments!!!!

to have a faster internet at a decent fee ($20)
Hmmm, is this really a life changer wish? I waste so much time waiting for pages to load up. It takes me hours to file unemployment and downloads to upgrade my computer etc. Most nights all I can do is try to go through the mail because I am waiting to get in here to write. It takes forever to download my personal email and half the time it won't download. I don't get to do Shutterfly of Picnik because to upload and fix pixs is just a no go. Earthlink dsl is way to expensive compared to verizon but I just do not like verizon. So this year I will have to decide what to do .... free wireless coming anytime soon to this city??? I believe faster internet will help me to achieve more creativity and more writing... oh, iSlate would be nice too.....

firsts of 2009

*1st crochet piece - an Amigurumi cupcake
*1st loomed knit corkscrew scarf
*1st granny square mini Christmas stocking
*1st crochet paperclip ice skates
*1st crochet roses & other flowers - Mom likes them as pins
*1st homemade coconut ice cream no sugar
*1st crustless cheesecake no sugar
*1st homemade guacamole - don't like...

highlights of 2009

*was finally successful at my attempt to crochet!!! internet photos helped for this visual person!- jan 4th
*figured out the magic loop for crocheting Amigurumies - feb 16
*made lots of Amigurumies, pears, cherries, cupcakes, mouse, bears, kittens, monkeys etc
*work dumped lot of peeps including me .. lost my job in Accounts Payable - apr 24
*thought there would be a possibility to find a creative job but became swamped w/ unemployment
*little bro graduated from Grace with his Master's in counseling - may 9
*worked called me back for a costing job - may 26
*ate rotten food b/c I didn't realize the frig wasn't cooling. got a smokers frig for a temp but happy to have a clean fresh new one.
*got a bad sore throat - will not use muscinex ever again...
*love nutshellmail for keeping my emails and twitters organized.
*got google voice! Love having a number to use for long distance at least here in the states...
*with my unemployed weeks here in the fall was able to Niece sit when she was sick. learn some mommy instincts.
*upgraded to Snow Leopard
*vcr broke & have not been able to find a replacement w/ specs wanted
*got google wave - still need to learn to put it into use
*did my final craft show (said this the last time '07)- oct 10
*found out that the tooth pain is from a root that is so short it is close to the gum line! (cause by braces) - nov
*Mom & Dad got a new couch
*finally requested tire info b/c I am tired of low tire pressures
*got a nice new polaroid digital camera w/ 12 picixals to ease from film
*loomed knitted a corkscrew scarf - seems to be a real hit!

fav reads of 2009

*"Treasures of the Snow" by Patricia St. John (audio now must find book to read)

*"Knit Together" by Debbie Macomber (great encouragement for my desire to write)

* The Queensland Chronicles Series by Bonnie Leon
-- "The Heart of Thornton Creek"
-- "For the Love of the Land" (not available any more)
-- "When the Storm Breaks"
(wanted to read more about this particular place b/c when you know someone from there you find yourself needing more ...)

*"Chronicles of Naria" (still making my way through all his books)

fav tunes of 2009

*"Come Back to Me" by David Cook
*"Cry Me a River" by Michael Bublé (totally awesome beat!!!)
*Straight Through My Heart" by BSB
*"All of Your Life (You Need Love)" by BSB
*"Shattered" by BSB
*"A Snowflake Fell (And It Felt Like a Kiss)"

fav movies of 2009

* The Proposal
* Love Happens
* the Time Travel's Wife
* Accidental Husband
* The Blind Side *****best of show *****

Jesus Christ's gifts to me ...

My thoughts of late have been about gifts and because it is Jesus Christ birth here on earth, I have been thinking about the gifts He has given me. Odd for the One with the birthday to be the giver of gifts but 'tis true!

Jesus Christ's first and foremost gift is Salvation & Eternal Life but you know what? He saves me from myself every day! I can make a mess of things but He is always there with pure and right ways which gives me comfort and joy even if it looks like I walk alone from the outside looking in.

This year Jesus took away my AP job and after a month of me stewing around with unemployment woes, He gave me a job back in Costing. Sure, I don't like this job but I thank Him for it and try to do my best at focusing. My sister-in-law has been without a job for a year now! I've been without a job for a good bit of time back in '03 but not sure how I would have faired this time around. I could be frustrated but I am not. I am just taking it bit by bit. The next gift helps a great deal...

Jesus also gave me a crochet hook this year. I could not have figured it out without Him. I want to make Amigurumi and on January 4th of this year, I was very excited to be making my first stitches. It has become such an addition. It is wonderful to keep the brain preoccupied with creating from the worries of life. I smile a lot and feel pretty fine when a creature is made and is smiling back at me. Sounds silly? No matter. My job feeds my passion and my passion feeds my delight!

There are a million other gifts Jesus has given .... and as I sign off with just a tiny few, know that I am continuing the gift list as mental exercise ... What gifts has Jesus given you this year?

giving homemade ...

This season I have been acutely aware of the giving of gifts. I had a co-worker tell of her gift giving. She gives of what she has no matter if that means re-gifting. Money is tight, but I think this is the norm for her. I don't think I can do that because I am usually using my gifts! I think re-gifting isn't too bad especially if the gift can be used or is needed by someone else. I have to admit that as crunch time approached, I did look around my house to see if there was anything worthy of giving. I didn't find anything.... lol.

I have had quite a bit of of painted glass leftover from a craft show flop in 2007 that I used and allowed others to dip into this year for gift giving. It came in quite handy especially when I felt moved twice to give something homemade and special. Mom is always making requests and I welcome them. One of my sister-in-laws need teacher gifts for her little preschooler and of course I was quite happy to do so. I want to paint but won't because I have too much crowding my tiny kitchen. The glass stash is getting lower and I will be happy to finally see the end to it. No more mass painting for craft shows. It is too painful to have my little masterpieces go without homes. Forget the encouraging comments! If you really like, buy! Oh well. I have become very self conscious of my painting and crafting abilities. If people won't buy them, do they really want to receive them? And don't tell me that I have them priced too high. I have them at decent rates and even marked them down this year to account for the empty pockets. Grrr! (think I better hush up & change the subject!)

So it has been hard on me to paint and craft without it really going anywhere. So I have decided not to create for money but for giving. I am sick of the last minute rush I find myself every time I make a prezzie. With January being a more quiet month, I am planning the gifts I am giving this year and making a place somewhere in this tiny home to stow them until it is time. I will tag them with the name and event. I will also make 'gift-extras' for those times one might need a gift on the fly. I have been doing some mental note taking on what gifts to make for my special people and I am quite excited. My dream is to have a stress free gift giving at birthdays and at Christmas. I also want the gifts to have good turn around. No more storage of vast amounts!

I will see how my confidence is at the end of the year. Maybe I will have end my quest of the homemade gift. Oh, that will be a hard day ..

karma vs measuring cup ...

I am finding that even though I am not of the world, the world's thoughts and views creep in. This especially happens when the world view is close to our beliefs and when it is a continual drip dripping. I never was comfortable with the notion of karma and when a non-believer co-worker uses it, I decided to take this up with God's Word. How do I make a distinction and give answer to if a moment arises with this co-worker to shed the Truth. This co-worker knows some of the Word but she isn't ready to give her life over to God. She doesn't want to give up the control. She will use the Word for her own points. I am seeing this as a God lesson to quietly seek God on how to spread salt and light revealing the Truth to her.

So with karma here is what you find in the dictionary:
karma |ˈkärmə|
noun
(in Hinduism and Buddhism) the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences.
• informal destiny or fate, following as effect from cause.

I don't like the notion of karma first of all it doesn't come for God's Word and it belongs to another religion. I will not nor can I take from other religions and put it into my faith like the lasted poll says Americans are doing.

But isn't there something in God's Word that is like karma? And if there is why can't we use karma interchangeably.....? The first thing I need to stress is that we as Christians are not to think about the ''returns''. We must always repay good for evil. Our trademark is our love to not only our brotherhood but to those who mistreat us. We are never ever to think of the returns here on earth. Giving good should be like a by-product almost without thought. However, the Word does say to store up Treasure in Heaven so there is a Return.

Karma thinks about the returns here on earth. Modern day karma says it aloud as to vindicate their suffering but it is them wanting evil to come to their wrong doer. Here is where the Christian differs. A Christian repays good for evil and they want the best for the wrong doer! A Christians what this wrong doer to have it better. Just maybe this wrong doer will come to Jesus Christ.

In Matthew 7:1-5 and Luke 6:37-42 best shows what a Christian should follow and proves different than karma. This is the measuring cup:
''Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.''

I can here it now... but this sounds like karma. Well, it is about the WHOLE WORD not just part. I read this passage for my giving not for my receiving or my returns. The earthly returns are weak and broken but just think about Heavens Treasure. It is beyond my feeble thought.

This is my seeking and probably incomplete but I know I am on the right track. Always be Biblically correct not politically or socially correct....

instructions ...

It seems that my life is revolving around instructions of late. I shouldn't be surprised because I have been a Amigurumi nut case. Some have a knack for good instructions and others are lazy. After hours and hours of pouring over, reading aloud, and even writing out stitches like a math problem, I should be a pro! This should come in handy when creating my own patterns or if I should teach looming or crocheting... (I would like that!)

Often times after an unproductive night, I toss the project and start talking to God. He has helped me on figure out crochet in the first place and He continues to help. I started loom knitting in 05 and have touched base with it off and on. I have this corkscrew scarf that would be perfect for a bday prezzie coming up in less than a week. Could I figure out the instructions? I was writing out the stitches in my short hand and it just was not figuring right. I was kind of peeved as I had nothing completed which helps me get through the next day! Well the next night, I began again with the rows I understood and then filled in the other rows around it. Then it clicked. So I am well on my way with this beautiful red scarf that is curled just right. However, I think that the creator of the pattern should have wrote out the pattern in a grid so that it made more sence. Oh well, if I struggle at a pattern and figure it out, all the treasure is mine!

But I had a nightmare over instructions last week. I have this new camera that needed a SD card because it only handles up to 6 pictures without memory. That wasn't going to work! I bought the SD card and as I was headed home, the moon was full and was slightly hidden in some thin clouds. It was night and I gasped a thank You to God for such a beautiful scene. I couldn't get home fast enough to get the camera ready for a night picture. I wanted to see what kind of job it did. I followed the instructions to the T. It even had pictures with the instructions. The SD card got stuck and I couldn't get it out. A couple days later I used pliers to get it to come out. I was livid. I took it to Dad and with out instructions or my prompting him with the 'correct' way, he flipped it and it slid in and he pushed it a bit and it pops out. I was following instructions so why ignore and do it the other way? Well, so it shows that not all instructions are perfect and Dads are the best heros!

Well, when it comes to earthly instructions, don't be afraid to question it. But always remember there is only One True Instruction Book that is perfect in every way. It is God's Word and His Word is purified seven times over.

Psalms 12:6
The Words of the Lord are Pure Words,
like silver tried in a furnace of earth,
purified seven times.

me in 40+ years!

On Sunday I listen to a mid-80 year old woman speak. I was blown away! I met myself in 40+ years from now if I do not allow the world to wear me down or defeat me. I had a comment spoke of me that they had never met a person like me who is forever changing/growing. I took it as a compliment because I strongly feel that as a Christian we must never remain the same. God should be working on us and if He isn't then we have rejected His Workmanship on us. So it was exciting to see this white haired lady so exuberant over the things she is learning.

So often as I look to my elders, I see little old ladies who grump and poke at you like the one lady I hugged on Sunday who said ''I see you clipped your hair again. I suppose you get tired of me saying that.'' Ok, so why did she open her mouth. I have been spending every morning telling my reflection that I trimmed the unruly and you are looking fine. Grrrr, I have a love hate relationship with the hair and I don't need people poking at me. I keep reminding myself never grow up poking and grumbling at other people. I want to be a beautiful old lady who is vibrant and growing!

Here is some wisdom from an ever growing more beautiful mid-80 year old woman:

* discover your yes so you can say no to everything else.
* happiness is determined by outward circumstances
joy is determined my inner circumstances
*the GIFT we fail to give so often is presence
be where your body is
* joy & pain can coexist
let your pain be fruitful
*excited about being INCOMPLETE b/c that means God has to be with me.

Love that! I shall now stop getting frustrated for not learning fast enough!!!

The Blind Side ...

This movie is off the chart topping a great must see. I am a big sap and a huge believer in dreams. I root for the underdog every time. I also cheer for the down and outer who climbs up out of whatever mess he might be in and walks tall. This movie covers it all. Each character steals the show! You will cry. You will cheer. You will be amazed at the Momma instinct and wonder if you have it in yourself.

We often are sooooo busy with our own stuff and our own lives that we do not see others out there in pain. Listeners are too few among us. I don't mean just the ears either. Listeners must have eyes to see without asking. Listeners must also have no fear and a focus razor sharp. When Listeners act, they change the world.

Then there are those rare finds. A gentle giant who looks scary but is a softie on the inside. They too can change the hard edged world with their soft ways.

I got to find the children's book called "Ferdinand the Bull" and read it. It is in the movie.... so you might want to read it if you didn't have that read to you as a child or if it has been a while...

12+ stars !!!!

(p.s. I got my father to go to the movie which is a hard thing to do. Movies don't interest him much. He liked this movie and thought Sandra did an outstanding job as the mom. I had to ask my parents if they saw Tim Mcgraw in the movie and they said no. He is the dad. Noooooo! He doesn't look like himself!! Well, two thumbs up from my parents too)