We are loving the new church because it is a Bible believing church. It is amazing to be so happy every Sunday! It isn't just me, I can feel it coming from Mom & Dad too. We have been going since July and Dad is already wanting to join. So reading over the application and requirements, I got really upset to tears....
What was my Spiritual Gift? I was in a panic! Here I know myself forward, backwards, inside out, top to bottom and I don't know what part of the body of Christ I am? Not only was there panic but there was anger. The reason I know soooo much about myself that it is scary is because I am soooo quiet. Now being a QUIET means that something is wrong with you. So ever since junior high I have been trying to FIX myself. I thought cheerleading would make me louder. Well, I am glad I never got the nerve to try that. I tried out for a college play because I was in a play in junior high and maybe I could do it again. What did they ask of me? Yell so they can here in the back of the little theater. Well, I did. Surprised them but I didn't get the part. After college I poured over every reasonable self help book on marriage, personalities, etc. Since 2003 God broke me of the habit of self help and showed me God-Help. Through all my searching, I have stirred up quite a bit of heat over feeling inferior or the need to change my quiet ways.
Well, I was livid with hot tears pouring out my eyes. Once again here I was crying before bed. I did not want my spiritual gift to be nursery duty or Sunday school teaching. I made a hysterical txt to my little bro. "Your gift is encouragement. See if they have a card ministry. Your cards are great." I wanted to dance on my chair but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal. I made a call to Mom later in the week and she came through with "God created you quiet. They cannot go against the Creator." This registered Eric Liddell's famous line "God made me fast" Again I wanted to dance on my desk this time but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal.
So I am dragging out my very big soap box here on llj and lugging out the mammoth speakers turning the volume to deafening.
God made me quiet. God made me creative. God made me word smart and picture smart. God gave me the love language of words just like King David! God made me sensitive. God gave me an insatiable desire to learn. God made me a great listener. God made me interested in others. God made me a great wing-man. God made me an encourager. God also gave me fire. Don't dare to change that quiet in me. Nothing is wrong with me. God made me quiet.
Well, it looks like this is a place to take a breath and pause. I am not done. Surprise, Surprise! Look for another post...
I am a mixed personality but I was so gung-ho on the part I understood and really didn't pay attention to the quieter side until now. God has been stirring up things lately. The 'melancholy' side is curious. More later....
Oh, are you wondering why I got soooo huffy at the beginning of this post? The pastor is a dominant personality. It worries the quiet me. The melancholy side is getting hot and protective. The passive side has had enough after soooo many years of being a wing-man with no returns and a lot of leavers when I did finally spoke up. I am glad the pastor is a strong personality preaching the Word. That is his job. Just wanting others to except my job as a quiet sensitive encourager .... I know a lot of wind without substance. However, I have made my statement now to not backing down... ok more later!!!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
strengthen by Him ...
Another believer died last Friday morning from pancreatic cancer. She is a wife and grandmother. Her husband is a big man but this is rocking him to the core. His tummy jiggles as the tears well up and his lip quivers. I have been praying hard that he finds Jesus Christ as the reason to get out of bed each day....
I am going back to II Timothy 4 for more encouragement. "At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that is may not be laid to their charge. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that the message might be preached fully through me, and that all the Gentiles might hear. Also I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His Heavenly Kingdom. To Him be Glory forever and ever. Amen!" (verses 16-18) I saw this through one sick in bed but as these dear loved ones go into the Arms of Jesus, you have to see these verses through the ones left behind. If they can go on with the hearts ripped out but stand strengthened by the Great Comforter, what a message is being preached through the their songs over the storms.
I have been focusing a lot on cancer and carry through it. I am wore out. I have found myself thanking the Lord for the best gift ever - everlasting life. I am sooooo grateful that I have a God who loves me and will never leave me at my defenses. God stands with me and strengthens me!!!!! Now that is pretty AWESOME!
I am going back to II Timothy 4 for more encouragement. "At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that is may not be laid to their charge. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that the message might be preached fully through me, and that all the Gentiles might hear. Also I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His Heavenly Kingdom. To Him be Glory forever and ever. Amen!" (verses 16-18) I saw this through one sick in bed but as these dear loved ones go into the Arms of Jesus, you have to see these verses through the ones left behind. If they can go on with the hearts ripped out but stand strengthened by the Great Comforter, what a message is being preached through the their songs over the storms.
I have been focusing a lot on cancer and carry through it. I am wore out. I have found myself thanking the Lord for the best gift ever - everlasting life. I am sooooo grateful that I have a God who loves me and will never leave me at my defenses. God stands with me and strengthens me!!!!! Now that is pretty AWESOME!
Saturday, October 09, 2010
a Race or a Battle?
How to die from cancer or some prolonged death has been twirling around in my mind of late. (My prayer list has too many with cancer...) It is often said 'I am going to beat this thing' or 'She lost her battle with cancer.' As a believer I shutter at these words and I began to question why this wasn't sitting right with me.
In Ephesians 6:10-18 it tells us to put on the full armor of God. Why? To make a stand against the devil's schemes. This is the battle not cancer. The battle is about good vs. evil. Everlasting Life vs. everlasting death. It about keeping our faith sure and strong. No wavering. For our battle is not against flesh and blood! Doesn't this mean our battle is not against sickness or death? Cancer is a beast and so very unforgiving. We feeble humans fight cancer with poison! How whacked out is that? I just want rip at my heart and scream on the top of lungs... that is how much I feel about this.
I always need a picture to deal with life's hardships and how I am to behave as a believer. So if cancer isn't the battle what is it? and how do I deal with it victoriously? I see it like in II Timothy 4:6-8. Cancer should be a race. Well, to clarify it even more, life is a race. Cancer would be a bend or the steep incline or a chapter in the race. It is not how fast but it about the endurance. It is seeing yourself running and there in the stands are others who have endure the what you have gone through. There are family members and friends who are praying for you and holding you before God. These are the witnesses like Isaiah 43:12 talks about. ("You are My witnesses," declares the Lord "that I AM God.") I like looking up into those stands because others have endured bring Glory to God and so can I. I also have ones that are coming behind me. I must be a good witness for them. (I use this in my singleness too.) I don't focus on the stands rather that is in side vision because my focus is on the finish line where my Lord and Master is waiting with outstretched BARE Arms to welcome me. Ah, what a bear hug that will be. I smile and if there are tears it is tears of JOY. Yes, I sorrow because I am stuck here with all those human feelings of loss but I have the promise of EVERLASTING LIFE. I am all good!!!!
Paul says "For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the Crown of Righteous, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will reward to me on that day- and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His Appearing." ~II Timothy 4:6-8 AMEN!!!!
We have two frontlines as a believer. The battle of faith and the race of life. I feel we must keep a clear perspective of both and not mix up the sickness as the battle. Our battle is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil .... anything that would rob us of living purely and strongly for God.
No matter what you think or even if you think a bit off my rocker, the battle is the Lord's and He is the Strong Man. Here is another picture I love... 'How can anyone enter a strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can rob his house. He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters.' Matt 12:29-30 See Jesus Christ is my Strong Man. I send Him to the door. I know I am safe with Him..... I will not be tied up. I will run free straight into His Arms. Praise Yahweh.....
In Ephesians 6:10-18 it tells us to put on the full armor of God. Why? To make a stand against the devil's schemes. This is the battle not cancer. The battle is about good vs. evil. Everlasting Life vs. everlasting death. It about keeping our faith sure and strong. No wavering. For our battle is not against flesh and blood! Doesn't this mean our battle is not against sickness or death? Cancer is a beast and so very unforgiving. We feeble humans fight cancer with poison! How whacked out is that? I just want rip at my heart and scream on the top of lungs... that is how much I feel about this.
I always need a picture to deal with life's hardships and how I am to behave as a believer. So if cancer isn't the battle what is it? and how do I deal with it victoriously? I see it like in II Timothy 4:6-8. Cancer should be a race. Well, to clarify it even more, life is a race. Cancer would be a bend or the steep incline or a chapter in the race. It is not how fast but it about the endurance. It is seeing yourself running and there in the stands are others who have endure the what you have gone through. There are family members and friends who are praying for you and holding you before God. These are the witnesses like Isaiah 43:12 talks about. ("You are My witnesses," declares the Lord "that I AM God.") I like looking up into those stands because others have endured bring Glory to God and so can I. I also have ones that are coming behind me. I must be a good witness for them. (I use this in my singleness too.) I don't focus on the stands rather that is in side vision because my focus is on the finish line where my Lord and Master is waiting with outstretched BARE Arms to welcome me. Ah, what a bear hug that will be. I smile and if there are tears it is tears of JOY. Yes, I sorrow because I am stuck here with all those human feelings of loss but I have the promise of EVERLASTING LIFE. I am all good!!!!
Paul says "For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the Crown of Righteous, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will reward to me on that day- and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His Appearing." ~II Timothy 4:6-8 AMEN!!!!
We have two frontlines as a believer. The battle of faith and the race of life. I feel we must keep a clear perspective of both and not mix up the sickness as the battle. Our battle is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil .... anything that would rob us of living purely and strongly for God.
No matter what you think or even if you think a bit off my rocker, the battle is the Lord's and He is the Strong Man. Here is another picture I love... 'How can anyone enter a strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can rob his house. He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters.' Matt 12:29-30 See Jesus Christ is my Strong Man. I send Him to the door. I know I am safe with Him..... I will not be tied up. I will run free straight into His Arms. Praise Yahweh.....
Saturday, October 02, 2010
gift of mercy ...
Yikes, another believer from my childhood is nearing this life's finishing line with the same kind of cancer that Cathy died of ... pancreatic cancer. This cancer is a beast. This believer is a grandma with kids my age. Her husband is a big man but this is too much for him. His lower lip and belly quiver with grief. He does not want to let go. My heart goes out to them.
God is trying to teach something as I am trying to grasp it. I went up to see Cathy in a spur of the moment and wasn't sure what to expect. I felt awkward because Cathy was a very tired and drugged up coming back from surgery but I did come away with a better since of how to pray for the family. Praying is something I can do when all else fails me. Then I heard Chuck Swindoll talk a little about the gift of mercy and then in my Bible reading I went through Job.
What grabbed my ears when Swindoll talked about the gift of mercy was that it is displayed in someone when they are quiet and with out words at a sick bedside or a death bed. Now some people have that gift naturally but I think all believers should practice this gift. What I have going for me is that I am naturally quiet and even if I have words, I don't say them because I am very shy. What I don't have going for me is that I feel awkward and feel like a heal for not being able to put others at ease. It doesn't mean my mind is blank. It is going a mile a minute especially leading up to the moment. So maybe God is teaching me how to use my quiet for mercy...
I remember a conversation with a dear one about Job. We agreed that Job was difficult. I left it that the best part was where God is speaking at the end. That was then and this is now. So what is the purpose of Job? Job is a good read when you are sick or dying because he goes into great detail about how his body looks and how horrible he feels. You are not alone. Someone else knows just how you feel physically and even asks what you want to ask emotionally. Job is a good read if you are a friend because you know what NOT to say! Just keep your mouth shut! Job is a good read if you are a spouse and you are experiencing the second hand stress of how your spouse is hurting and you don't know what to do. Be the support and don't tell them to curse God and die. Job is not a book that stands alone. There are other passages that help us in our pain. We are richer for what Job went through but I still have questions .... which is good because my learning isn't done.
Job's misery was not due to sin. Job didn't cause his loss of family or health. You could say it was satan's doing but the real truth is that God allowed this because He knew Job and knew Job would come through this without cursing Him. So why was Job wrong? Job got a real lecture from God in the end. Yes, some of it went to his friends but God really got in Job's face. Wasn't Job just asking why (I know asking why is a huge no-no) and want to hear God? Job was simply tired of hearing silence from the God he worshipped and loved. Aren't we to make our requests to God? Doesn't David ask God in his psalms? I may still struggle with this I still hold to NOT asking why and to always sing above the storm. Praise is beautiful and God inhabits the Praise of His people. I am must trust and obey for there is no other way ...
So back to mercy... there will always be questions .... but it is a waste of time to keep harping on them. It is much better to be still, talk back God's Word for our hearts, and to sing above the storm. The battle is the Lord's. All we have to do is run our race and at the end God's Loving Arms will greet us and hold us up......
God is trying to teach something as I am trying to grasp it. I went up to see Cathy in a spur of the moment and wasn't sure what to expect. I felt awkward because Cathy was a very tired and drugged up coming back from surgery but I did come away with a better since of how to pray for the family. Praying is something I can do when all else fails me. Then I heard Chuck Swindoll talk a little about the gift of mercy and then in my Bible reading I went through Job.
What grabbed my ears when Swindoll talked about the gift of mercy was that it is displayed in someone when they are quiet and with out words at a sick bedside or a death bed. Now some people have that gift naturally but I think all believers should practice this gift. What I have going for me is that I am naturally quiet and even if I have words, I don't say them because I am very shy. What I don't have going for me is that I feel awkward and feel like a heal for not being able to put others at ease. It doesn't mean my mind is blank. It is going a mile a minute especially leading up to the moment. So maybe God is teaching me how to use my quiet for mercy...
I remember a conversation with a dear one about Job. We agreed that Job was difficult. I left it that the best part was where God is speaking at the end. That was then and this is now. So what is the purpose of Job? Job is a good read when you are sick or dying because he goes into great detail about how his body looks and how horrible he feels. You are not alone. Someone else knows just how you feel physically and even asks what you want to ask emotionally. Job is a good read if you are a friend because you know what NOT to say! Just keep your mouth shut! Job is a good read if you are a spouse and you are experiencing the second hand stress of how your spouse is hurting and you don't know what to do. Be the support and don't tell them to curse God and die. Job is not a book that stands alone. There are other passages that help us in our pain. We are richer for what Job went through but I still have questions .... which is good because my learning isn't done.
Job's misery was not due to sin. Job didn't cause his loss of family or health. You could say it was satan's doing but the real truth is that God allowed this because He knew Job and knew Job would come through this without cursing Him. So why was Job wrong? Job got a real lecture from God in the end. Yes, some of it went to his friends but God really got in Job's face. Wasn't Job just asking why (I know asking why is a huge no-no) and want to hear God? Job was simply tired of hearing silence from the God he worshipped and loved. Aren't we to make our requests to God? Doesn't David ask God in his psalms? I may still struggle with this I still hold to NOT asking why and to always sing above the storm. Praise is beautiful and God inhabits the Praise of His people. I am must trust and obey for there is no other way ...
So back to mercy... there will always be questions .... but it is a waste of time to keep harping on them. It is much better to be still, talk back God's Word for our hearts, and to sing above the storm. The battle is the Lord's. All we have to do is run our race and at the end God's Loving Arms will greet us and hold us up......
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