✝ Resurrection Hope ✝

Blessed is the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 5:3). I heard this in a new way. It made me stop. I don't know for sure what to think but it is a promise to hold onto. If stuff is too much for me or to big for me and I am too weak or too small than all of Heaven's Kingdom is mine.... What a resource!

I've been thinking of how wounded our Lamb of God was for us … emotionally and physically … isolated from His Heavenly Father, the Burden Bearer. Jesus bore the weight of it. Then to think that He spent 3 days in hell... real hell... So that He could be worthy to bear our wounds and let us walk upright and free! I still have a long way to go to make this hope sink into my inner heart and soul.

I just heard a story of a father who just found out he had leukemia. After telling his son who was heading off to college and his wife of 30 some years, found himself that night in the dark pouring out his heart to God. "Are you going to be there to carry me through?" -was the question that gripped him. God gave him a word picture. It was Jesus picking him up and carrying him to the in zone - into victory. That was such a blessing to me and I hope for you too.  We had such a blessed hope in the Resurrection of Christ. Such promises to hold and to keep us. ✝

Welcome Riley Jane

By the light of the oil lamp Jessica nursed baby Shalom.  The flickering flames streaked her hair in light and dark.  It cast shadows across her profile as she smiled tenderly down at him, and illuminated her bare shoulder and the top of his downy head.  She saw me watching and smiled.  "You never know," she said.
"What?"
"How much God loves you until you have one of these of your own.  Then you begin to understand."
~a conversation between two sisters, Jessica and Loralei in Brock and Bodie Thorne's book "The Gathering Storm."

I have been praying for a young mother and for the little girl that made her arrive afternoon today this very thing.  Baby Riley has made safe passage into this world and I am praying that her young mother and young father would be sooooo moved to be overwhelmed by the miracle of life and to seek out the Author of Life.

I received the welcomed news from baby Riley's grandfather.  I could just picture this 6'4" man holding this tiny bundle of 7lbs 12oz much like my own father and grandfather held the baby me so long ago.  There is a sense of time stopping and the an awe of something precious that tugs at the heart making everything still.  

"I was holding her most of the evening.  Riley fell asleep on my chest for a couple of hours."


oh!!!!!!!!!!

There Is a Mystery in Human Hearts

There is a mystery in human hearts,
And though we be encircled by a host
Of those who love us well and are beloved,
To every one of us, from time to time,
There comes a sense of utter loneliness.
Our dearest friend is 'stranger' to our joy,
And cannot realize our bitterness.
"There is no one who really understands,
No one to enter in all I feel";
Such is the cry of each of us in turn
We wander in a 'solitary way.'
No matter what or where our lot may be,
Each heart, mysterious even to itself,
Must live its inner life in solitude.
And would you know the reason why this is?
It is because the Lord desires our love,
In every heart He wishes to be first,
He therefore keeps the secret key Himself,
To open all its chambers and to bless
With perfect sympathy and holy peace,
Each solitary soul which comes to Him.
And when beneath some heavy cross you faint,
And say, "I cannot bear this load alone," you say the truth.
God made it purposely
So heavy that you must return to Him,
The bitter grief, which 'no one understands,'
Conveys a secret message from the King,
Entreating you to come to Him again.
You cannot come too often or too near.
The God of Mercy is infinite in grace,
His Presence satisfies the longing soul
And those who walk with Him from day to day
Can never have 'a solitary way.'
~author unknown


I groin heavily in my solitary way.  There is something distinctive about presence especially when it someone captures your mind, heart and soul.  When that presence is gone for too many days, an undertow pulls the heart down.  What a comfort that there is a PRESENCE that is bigger than any other.  What fullness of JOY.  What a pleasure to bask in His Smile and to have His Arms enfold me close.  {joyful sigh}  Psalms 16:11

presence ...

"Thy Presence is fullness of Joy."

When that special someone walks into the room, you feel like your insides are inside out beaming.  A twinkle flashes in your eyes.  A smile rests upon your lips.  After the flutter a peaceful calm overtakes your beating heart.  Everything is alright.

When the presence is gone for awhile, you begin to wilt and fade.  Life is harder.  Choices make no sense.  The feet begin to drag.  The eyes begin to weep.  

Today I knew that work was going to be a bit crazy and for some reason I am feeling a bit soft.  I think it is the stage of life I am going through and the allergies I am trying to get through this hot miserable summer make me extra tired and frustrated.  I am doing pretty good yet I feel a fragile crack could surface.  

I have a special someone that makes me feel full and 'purry' (made up word!) like a cat with a tummy full of milk.  I like the hearing him laugh through the email.  I enjoy him.  I love his presence.  He is a bit out of pocket at the moment but I don't want that add to the drag I am feeling.

I kept whispering "Thy Presence is fullness of JOY" ~ Psalms 16:11.  I needed God today.  At nighttime I feel His Comfort when I remember that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  I will curl up under the covers and fall asleep assured of His Faithfulness every night. ~ Psalms 92:2  That is good for evening but I wanted to feel that glow of LovingKindness come walking through the door.  I want that Hello and that Hand in my hand.  I want His Mighty Arms around me.  That is why I am so thankful for the Most High.  Morning and evening He is Ever near.  I need to remember to greet Him with open arms every morning and pull Him close every evening.  

Thank You for loving me and keeping me, oh My Savior!

It is good to give thanks to the Lord,

and to sing praises to Your Name, O Most High;

To declare Your LovingKindness in the morning,

and Your Faithfulness every night.

~ Psalms 92:1&2


You have made known to me the path of life;
You will fill me with JOY in Your Presence,
with Eternal Pleasures at Your Right Hand.
~Psalms 16:11

as for me ...

When he has been gone for six years and suddenly pops back in your life and forgiveness happens and things are back to normal ... well, normal as in the connection is still there but also the normal of his absence began to accumulate - three weeks to be exact!  {takes in deep breath} No! I wasn't going to go there. I wasn't going to go ballistic but it didn't mean that my feelings weren't a bit raw.  

God answered my prayer in six years when I had expected to find out in Heaven.  What if God gave me my answer to take it back again?  Would I be ok?  Well, I would have to be after an answered prayer that rocked my world.  So... now what?  

I decided I would wait until four weeks had gone by all the while asking God deal with him.  I didn't have to wait that long before I found out from him that some changes where happening in his life and there would be some wait times and maybe longer wait times than the 3 weeks.  Here again it was God working the plans out so that I wouldn't go crazy.  And just like that it zapped my frazzled heart into a calming stillness. 

So this girl is just going to take this really cool friendship in stride.  This guy will have to lead; I refuse too.  But there isn't just two sides to this relationship.  God is the third part and because He has been soooo gooood to me with this relationship, I am at rest and it feels so good.  I know me and there will still be anxious moments but I know how to stop it. 

But as for me,

it is good to be near God.

I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;

      I will tell of Your Deeds.

Psalms 73:28

As for me I chose to love one another and I will keep choosing to love one another  .... 

burden or blessing...

Have you ever felt that you were more of a burden than a blessing?  Where the words 'I am not a very good friend, and I don't know to what capacity I'm able to be a friend to you' come back to haunt you in the dark places of your mind?  Where you are just a time slot penciled in a spot that may just fill up at the last minute and because you have no priority status all that is left of 'you' is a grey pencil smear in an appointment page long tossed out? Have you ever just felt so tired of your heart breaking in a millions pieces that there is no more heart to care and all you want is to feel happy again but then why hope?  And if you are sooooo tired soooo sick of being tired, won't you do something extremely drastic enough that might mean an end to the friendship you so very much want to keep?

Why is it that I want this friendship so bad?  Why is it that with all the busyness that I have added to my life to stave off the wolves of loneliness will I add this friendship to priority status and not even think of it as another thing I have to do?  Momma always said 'you will do something about the things that are important to you' and I will hold to that like a dog with his favorite bone.  Yet, I feel that tired coming on.  It is like a numbness seeping in the edges of my heart and threatening to stop it cold.  That is frightening...

All I could do was make an inaudible whisper to my Heavenly Father for strength and shelter.  Like always He comes through.  Today it was a song I heard twice and I whispered a Thank YOU.

No One Ever Cared Like Jesus 
I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus,
Since I found in Him a friend so strong and true.
I would tell you how
He changed my life completely;
He did something no other friend could do.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.

All my life was full of sin when Jesus found me;
All my heart was full of misery and woe,
Jesus placed His strong arms about me
And He led me in the way I ought to go.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.
Ev'ry day He comes to me with new assurance;
More and more I understand His word of love.
But I'll never know just why He came to save me,
Till someday I see His blessed face above.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.  
~Lyrics and Composer: Charles Frederick Weigle, 1932

What seed are you?

2010 has been the year of cancer. I am surrounded and dazed. I need a way out but there is no escape. All I can do is listen.

With each announcement of the diagnosis and with each turn for the worse, I get busy with praying. I am just an observer feeling helpless on the sidelines. My deep feelings come out in liquid form even when I rest on His Promises - even when I know death will never have victory.

Through the trenches of prayer 'warrioring', God has brought hymns and scriptures to mind to boost my hope. Sometimes it comes in my daily reading of the Scriptures like I Corinthians 15:35-58. On first reading what hope is found! The wasting earthly body will be clothe with glorious immortal body. Now that is something I can shout about after seeing a believer's body succumb to the ravages of cancer. Within the anguishes of prayer I thank God for His Ultimate Design of our glorious bodies in our Everlasting Life.

With a mind that sees pictures, I paused on our earthly body as a seed sown. Aren't seeds little packages of hope and expectation? Hasn't God given us talents and gifts to use for others? Hasn't our journey been filled with hardships and pain resulting in lessons filled with treasure? Put this all together. Wouldn't all we do and all the journey lessons we have required be all neatly packaged in this seed we call our flesh? So what you put into it is what you get? What kind of seed are you? It is frighting and exciting at the same time!

As this year closes and a new one begins, I will be reflecting on little seeds. Well, more like one little seed - me! Such potential to lay this little package God-Designed seed at my Savior's feet or what if the seed doesn't germinate? Yikes! Time to embrace my gifts with more fervor and be more joyful of my journey lessons for when time is no more, this little seed sown will be revealed.... WOW!!

Happy New Year!

church membership...

With the applications in for church membership, it would be any moment know. So on Sunday, October 31st they asked to meet with us after church. The nerves began to rattle. I promise that I was listening to the sermon but I had to jot down a few notes to keep my heart still. Then it was time to give our testimonies. I get the Bobby-shakes and was trying to control them by putting my feet firmly down on the ground and my spine firmly into the back of the chair. Oh, you want to know what the Bobby-shakes are? Well, we have three fox terriers. Bobby is one who gets super nervous and starts to shake and twirl. Well, besides trying to control my shakes and not twirling {wicked wink}, I was trying to master my voice while being totally honest. That doesn't work when I tell of my journey with God. Tears stole into my voice but their was no leakage. I get a bit feisty when my heart betrays me by making my eyes tear up. Even though I am finally ok about being single and knowing that it is God's gift to me, I find it such a betrayal that I get so emotional like I am lying. I just wanted it soooo badly - the marriage thing, the husband thing, the wife thing - I had to give it up. I had pry my grubby fingers open and keep them open. It has been quite painful - so painful that it brings it all of it back and I cannot control it. Well, that is the backdrop. What comes next was so out of character that I know it was God saying this is ok and this is the church for me.

One of the deacons who by the front cover was friendly and outgoing put me at ease by saying that he could tell that I was sensitive. The rest sort of blurred out except that he mentioned his wife was a sensitive type too. I could tell that I was in a safe place. This church was going to be alright.

That night this same friendly deacon had an order of business to present to the church. He introduced us as an 'adorable' family and recommended that we be excepted as members of the church. Hands went very quickly and there we were members. The pastors thought it funny that we were called adorable. Then reported that we would get the 'right hand of fellowship' the next Sunday. Oh dear! Not good! That means we have to get up in front of the whole church!!! I leaned over and told Mom that she is conveniently was working that Sunday. Then the pastor said it was time to handshake. Wow! There was a lot of very friendly smiles and hand pumping coming our way. I have been to friendly churches but this one tops all the others.

November 7th dawns like a day that can't make up its mind whether it wants to be cold or warm. My body works on two different temperatures like a living in one time zone and working in another. My hands are cold and very cold especially outside or still. My heart and armpits are warm and very warm especially if I am on edge which for this shy girl can be quite a lot so knowing what to wear that will be comfortable and fitting is like a mental time bomb that is ticking down. I have made a personal decision to wear a more natural deodorant that works but not as well as others might in high sweat zone so tight fitting sleeves especially for the armpits was out. Everything had to be loose and warm enough but not to boiling. So with my selection that was down. Check on the potato sack! {wink}

It was the first thing of the morning service. Dad and I walked up there. The pastor talked to Dad said some things and shook his hand. Then it was my turn. What he said to me wasn't what I expected and again I smiled inwardly as I knew it was God saying everything is all right. He said this church is here for me. He did follow it up by what I knew was important that they would be looking forward to what I would give back. I really needed a safe place. I haven't had a church to ever be that safe place for me. So I am looking forward to this. I do want to serve but more in my quiet ways. Churches have become more and more out there where I feel like an outcast. I am an introvert and I need to love God quietly and to serve quietly. I think I will be able to do it here. I know I have gone backwards when it comes to soft and quiet. I have a lot of broken places in my heart when it comes to relationships and to church. These wounds I carry just might close up and heal now!

Well, what came next was a bit wild. The pastor then said to the congregation to shake hands with us. He wanted to see how many of them could shake our hands as we went back to our seats. That was a lot of hands and smiles and warm wishes. It blew my mind! Dad being a bit cheeky told Mom that the next Sunday it would be her turn. Too funny. It got Mom a going. She didn't have to.

The next Sunday we had mailboxes and certificate of membership. Wild, but I do feel at home and welcomed.