burden or blessing...

Have you ever felt that you were more of a burden than a blessing?  Where the words 'I am not a very good friend, and I don't know to what capacity I'm able to be a friend to you' come back to haunt you in the dark places of your mind?  Where you are just a time slot penciled in a spot that may just fill up at the last minute and because you have no priority status all that is left of 'you' is a grey pencil smear in an appointment page long tossed out? Have you ever just felt so tired of your heart breaking in a millions pieces that there is no more heart to care and all you want is to feel happy again but then why hope?  And if you are sooooo tired soooo sick of being tired, won't you do something extremely drastic enough that might mean an end to the friendship you so very much want to keep?

Why is it that I want this friendship so bad?  Why is it that with all the busyness that I have added to my life to stave off the wolves of loneliness will I add this friendship to priority status and not even think of it as another thing I have to do?  Momma always said 'you will do something about the things that are important to you' and I will hold to that like a dog with his favorite bone.  Yet, I feel that tired coming on.  It is like a numbness seeping in the edges of my heart and threatening to stop it cold.  That is frightening...

All I could do was make an inaudible whisper to my Heavenly Father for strength and shelter.  Like always He comes through.  Today it was a song I heard twice and I whispered a Thank YOU.

No One Ever Cared Like Jesus 
I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus,
Since I found in Him a friend so strong and true.
I would tell you how
He changed my life completely;
He did something no other friend could do.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.

All my life was full of sin when Jesus found me;
All my heart was full of misery and woe,
Jesus placed His strong arms about me
And He led me in the way I ought to go.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.
Ev'ry day He comes to me with new assurance;
More and more I understand His word of love.
But I'll never know just why He came to save me,
Till someday I see His blessed face above.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.  
~Lyrics and Composer: Charles Frederick Weigle, 1932

My Savior 1st of All ...

Psalm 17:15
As for me,
I will behold Thy Face in Righteousness:
I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with Thy Likeness.

My Savior First of All
When my lifework is ended, and I cross the swelling tide,
When the bright and glorious morning I shall see;
I shall know my Redeemer when I reach the other side,
And His smile will be the first to welcome me.

Refrain:
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
And redeemed by His side I shall stand,
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
By the print of the nails in His hand.

Oh, the soul-thrilling rapture when I view His blessed face,
And the luster of His kindly beaming eye;
How my full heart will praise Him for the mercy, love and grace,
That prepare for me a mansion in the sky.

Oh, the dear ones in glory, how they beckon me to come,
And our parting at the river I recall;
To the sweet vales of Eden they will sing my welcome home;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

Through the gates to the city in a robe of spotless white,
He will lead me where no tears will ever fall;
In the glad song of ages I shall mingle with delight;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.
~ Francis J Crosby 1894

a day of rejoicing is coming ...

I walked into the hospital room knowing that she was nearing this life's finish line. The cancer was too beastly and too fast. She did open her eyes and spoke in very soft tones. She asked for water and I offer it to her but in the middle of her very slow first sip, her eyes closed like she dozed off. She is in a lot of pain and is on some heavy pain meds. I did hold her hand before the nurse came in to change the clear bags hanging beside her. Her husband encouraged me to talk to her but I found myself falling silent.

The woman in this bed is about 8 years older than me. She is in my childhood memories. I remember her and her sisters baby-sitting me and my brother. They had two cute black and white bull dogs called Moses and Sarah. They lived on a farm and I loved their farm house. I haven't seen her sense. My mom works at the hospital on a floor where a lot of cancer patients go when they are having a major battle with cancer and need hospital care. I happened to call mom about a birthday matter coming up and she said our family friend was back in the hospital and it was not good. I told mom I would come up.

I am sensitive and I try to put my feet in other's shoes. I knew her kids where teenagers and I can help but wonder how these kids were going to cope in the days and years ahead. This beautiful woman has a beautiful husband who talked to me so I began to ask him questions learning more about his family and even finding common bonds like going to the same college. The youngest son was playing football that night. The middle son is marrying and coming home from Chicago this month. The oldest has graduated from college and as a teaching job. She hasn't found love in college and there isn't even a boyfriend. I told her father that it was ok and he said yeah, that you might as well wait until the ONE comes and you just know. I nodded my head in agreement. .... I could now walk out of this room carrying them in my prayers and go to the mats do some major wrestling with the Lord for them.

Earlier in the day I sneaked some time to search for so balm and just happened to read Psalms 8 where it says, where it says 'what is man that you are mindful of him? and where God has made man a little lower than angels and that He gave man dominion over the works of His Hands.' This might be weird that it brought me comfort but I couldn't help but think of all the things God has given us in this life that is like a flower that flourish and passes away. This life is soooooo fragile and the gifts are soooo wonderful. Her gifts? Finding love, marrying a neat guy, having kids .... she probably has a lot more on her list...

A question sent me to wondering ... A mother with early adult children is dying. I am sure she has lots she wants to tell them. Being a daughter myself I cannot dare to go to a time where I don't have my mother to rely on.... I did have a comforting thought... The Word of God has helped me greatly and I am sure for this mother as well. She can rest assured that His Word can guide her children especially because she loved it, they will want to get closer to her by reading It and finding answers needed in today's questions and tests. I love this thought and can let out a comforted sigh...

I told mom that her hubby really loved her and you want to know how I could tell in a short amount of time? He said that finding the love of his life was the best gift Grace College have him. He also asked to hold her hand and said thank you even though it looked like she was sleeping. He has been trying hard to get her home so they can have a bedside wedding of their son today because they are unsure of how long she will be able to hold on and the wedding is schedule at the end of the month. Besides she just wants to go home to die. I don't know how this man is holding on. He did not show any tears but there was a softness around his edges and I am sure that he is putting on his strong face.

I cannot say that she lost her battle with cancer rather she is just finishing this earthy race. She is laying down this earthly mantel to put on her heavenly one called Eternal Life. She is trading in the pain and limitations to walk upright into her Heavenly Father Arms. Her own mother and father are waiting in the wings ready to welcome her home. She will truly understand that death has lost its sting where her loved ones just don't quite understand because it is so raw and painful now. All we can do is 'walk by faith not by sight.' A chorus came to my mind as I was walking and doing some heavy thinking. It brought Joy ... even in this bittersweet time. '... when we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!'


♩♬♪♫
Sing the wondrous love of Jesus,
Sing His mercy and His grace.
In the mansions bright and blessèd
He’ll prepare for us a place.

Refrain

When we all get to Heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the victory!

While we walk the pilgrim pathway,
Clouds will overspread the sky;
But when traveling days are over,
Not a shadow, not a sigh.

Refrain

Let us then be true and faithful,
Trusting, serving every day;
Just one glimpse of Him in glory
Will the toils of life repay.

Refrain

Onward to the prize before us!
Soon His beauty we’ll behold;
Soon the pearly gates will open;
We shall tread the streets of gold.

Refrain♪

Words: Eliza E. Hewitt

my wedding song ...

I love my visual brain! I have been thinking about the hymn "Be Thou my Vision" and there I am in a white wedding dress and veil. The isle is long and tall because I am feeling quite small. But there He is, my Groom, at the alter dress in white. He turns and the flash of His welcoming smile makes me flutter but His warm eyes make me feel safe. Then He reaches His arms for me and I see His nail pierced hands. My heart bubbles up because those hands meant that I WAS CHOSEN AND HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME! He is my Vision, Lord of my heart!!!!
Amen!

Be Thou my Vision ...

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

written by by Eleanor H. Hull
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you notice that your life has a theme? that you are learning the same thing over and over? that what you are learning is like a spiral upwards where you may be learning the same thing but it is building up each other? I have and when I come to a low point in my life, I have a momentary lapse where I have forgotten everything I learned. I get sooooo mad at myself because I it took me forever to learn these lessons God has given me, I don't want to repeat the learning.

Of late I have lost my Joy that took forever to get. I must turn my eyes back on Jesus and His Word. I must not lose myself in the mud wallow. I am not a pig but rather a chosen people. I must get my act together and remember to enter into His Courts with praise.

Be Thou my Vision, my one True Love.

Here is to a Joyfilled 2010!!!

fav hymns for 2009

* "I Know He Cares"
* "Under His Wing"
* "Sheltered in the Arms of God"
* "Darker the Night - Brighter the Light when I walk with Him"

Rest on Thee

1. We rest on Thee, our Shield and our Defender;
We go not forth alone against the foe;
Strong in Thy strength, safe in Thy keeping tender.
We rest on Thee, and in Thy Name we go.

2. Yea, in Thy Name, O Captain of salvation!
In Thy dear Name, all other names above;
Jesus our Righteousness, our sure Foundation,
Our Prince of glory and our King of love.

3. We go in faith, our own great weakness feeling,
And needing more each day Thy grace to know:
Yet from our hearts a song of triumph pealing;
We rest on Thee, and in Thy Name we go.

4. We rest on Thee, our Shield and our Defender:
Thine is the battle, Thine shall be the praise
When reigning in the Kingdom of Thy splendor;
Victors, we rest with Thee, through endless days.

http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/881

The hymn sung the night before Jim Elliot and the other 4 missionaries went to visit the Incas and were killed.

This is my first encounter with this hymn and I want to keep in close to my heart. Now to hear it sung or to find the music notes …

Does your anchor hold?

robert said...
I see you posted the hymn "My Anchor Holds" some years ago. It caught my attention this morning because today is the 95th anniversary of the death of William Martin, the author. I trust that in your own life your anchor still firmly holds. God bless.
Sunday, August 30, 2009 8:44:00 AM

keeper said ...
Ah Robert! YES, my Anchor still holds more firmly than it did back in September 2005! When my life gets out of whack or I am feeling low, I turn to the Word of God to fill up on the Joy of the Lord. What an Anchor! As I have aged, all that satisfies is what is True and Solid. That can only be found in God and His Word...

The old hymns ring so purely in my heart's ear. Thank you for stopping by. Your simple comment has boosted my weary blog days =)

My Anchor Holds
©

If Jesus is with me ...

It may be in the valley, where countless dangers hide;
It may be in the sunshine that I, in peace, abide;
But this one thing I know—if it be dark or fair,
If Jesus is with me, I’ll go anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!

It may be I must carry the blessèd Word of life
Across the burning deserts to those in sinful strife;
And though it be my lot to bear my colors there,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!


But if it be my portion to bear my cross at home,
While others bear their burdens beyond the billow’s foam,
I’ll prove my faith in Him—confess His judgments fair,
If Jesus stays with me, I’ll stay anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!


It is not mine to question the judgment of my Lord,
It is but mine to follow the leadings of His Word;
But if to go or stay, or whether here or there,
I’ll be, with my Savior, content anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!


Words & Music: C. Aus tin Miles, 1908 (MI DI, score).

Yes, what a great reminder that I can do what is before me because Jesus goes with me! It is about obeying the leadings from His Word and not getting stuck in the automatic negative thoughts. It is remembering -> 'Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.' (Matt 6:13) It is making sure that 'your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock.'

How Rich I am!!!

How rich I am 
Since Jesus came my way
Redeemed my soul and turned my night to day

How very rich, how very rich, I am!!!

Such peace and joy
I never knew before
And countless blessings
from His boundless store

How very rich, how very rich, I am!!!

There is greater glory in a sunset!
A briter twinkle in each star!
There is much more promise in a rainbow!
More music in a singing bird by far!

All things have changed
My eyes once blind now see
The whole wide world
Is now a symphany
And with all this
Heaven is my destiny! How rich I am!!!

There is greater glory in a sunset!
A briter twinkle in each star!
There is much more promise in a rainbow!
More music in a singing bird by far!

All things have changed
My eyes once blind now see
The whole wide world
Is now a symphany
And with all this
Heaven is my destiny!

I haven't figured out the author or history of this song. I heard on the way to work this week and I couldn't help but agree. I love the sunrises and the sunsets. They seem so rich because I know God has made them for me each day. All I have to do is enjoy!!!!

As the days have gotten tougher, the sparrows do twitter much more and I find them so precious because they remind me of the richness of God's love for me. The dance is in each step I take because I am IN LOVE with God. Now that is rich.

hiding place...

I heard this hymn on the way into work this morning. It was sung by a male which I love more than high female voices. I think I have heard it once before but certainly not enough. I don't know how old this hymn is. It is not in my old hymnal that I have harbored from my grandma. Not only did the melody of this song soothe me but also the words.

In a time of trouble, in a time forlorn,

There is a hiding place where hope is born.

In a time of danger, when our faith is proved

There is a hiding place where we are loved.

There is a hiding place, a strong protective space,

Where God provides the grace to persevere;

For nothing can remove us from the Father's love,

Tho' all may change, yet nothing changes here.

In a time of sorrow, in a time of grief,

There is a hiding place to give relief.

In a time of weakness, in a time of fear,

There is a hiding place where God is near.

~by Bryan Jeffery Leech

Thou art my Hiding Place;
Thou shalt preserve me from trouble;
Thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance.
Selah.
~Psalms 32:7

Thou art my Hiding Place
and my Shield:
I hope in Thy word.
~ Psalms 119:114

Oh YES He cares...

Does Jesus Care?

Does Jesus care when my heart is pained
Too deeply for mirth or song,
As the burdens press, and the cares distress
And the way grows weary and long?

Refrain:

Does Jesus care when my way is dark
With a nameless dread and fear?
As the daylight fades into deep night shades,
Does He care enough to be near?

Refrain:

Does Jesus care when I’ve tried and failed
To resist some temptation strong;
When for my deep grief there is no relief,
Though my tears flow all the night long?

Refrain:

Does Jesus care when I’ve said “goodbye”
To the dearest on earth to me,
And my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks,
Is it aught to Him? Does He see?

Refrain:
Oh yes, He cares, I know He cares,
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares.
~~Frank E. Graeff, 1901
1 Peter 5:7 “He cares for you.”

I love this hymn and as I was traveling home the other night I heard it and was reminded of God's care. What struck me the most was the last verse. Most hymns' last verse deals with death or over on Heaven's shore. This one is no different but I do have to say there are other goodbyes to dear ones besides death. What about a goodbye of a dear one who hasn't said goodbye but has vanished? What about a simple parting and not knowing if it is the last time you will see the person? Well, God does care about my aguish over a disappearance for He has counted every tear and recorded them in His tear book. He has weighed and measured them and found them valuable. He cares. He keeps. My sad heart has turned into joy...

Casting all your care upon Him,
for He cares for you.
~1 Pet 5:7

{here is the butterfly!}

Cast your burden on the Lord,
& He shall sustain you;
He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.
~Ps 55:22

You number my wanderings;
put my tears into Your Bottle;
are they not in Your Book?
~Ps 56:8

For You have delivered my soul from death.
Have You not kept my feet from falling,
that I may walk before God in the light of the living?
~Ps 56:13

Ahh, YES! He answers YES, HE CARES! AMEN!

fav hymns for 2008

* ''You are My Hiding Place'' - sounds haunting like Phantom of the Opera ( a chorus)
* ''Jesus, I am Resting, Resting''
* My Hope is Built on Nothing Less - nov
* ''I heard the Bells on Christmas Day'' by Henry W Longfellow - dec

and a little chorus:

Jesus has come & my cup overruns.
Oh, say that I'm glad, I'm glad.
Oh, say that I'm glad.

God is not dead nor doth He sleep...

I was loom knitting my first Christmas bells earlier in the month and as I was amazed at how well they turned out, some of the words from a beloved Christmas Hymn came to mind. "God is not dead nor doth He sleep ... peace on earth, good-will to men''. I was trying to recall all the words from the hymn when from the back of the darken memory halls came the thought that this hymn was written in the time of war. Was it WWII? I would search for more info when I got online but it was dark and the Christmas lights were twinkling, bedtime was here, and my heart was very moved thinking how much hope is there was in hearing Christmas Bells. God is not dead to the quaking hearts of man even in war or financial darkness. I prayed with heavy heart for those of us facing turbulent times at work and possible no work in the near future and I prayed with a very light heart because of the HOPE in God who cares for little old me and for all those who SEEK Him.

When I did get online to find the words to this beloved hymn, I found out that it was a poem written by a beloved American poet. It wasn't WWII but the American Civil war on Christmas Day 1864. More info found that Henry had just received news that his son was injured in battle and he also had lost his wife to a fire accident two years prior. This man had so much darkness and despair in his heart and he let it bubble out onto the written page and with it his faith and hope in God poured out too. It still rings out today in any kind of pain or loss or desperation. Let the Christmas Bells ring out in the chambers of your heart today and year 'round!

Christmas Bells by Henry W Longfellow

I HEARD the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men."

my HOPE ...

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

Refrain

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Refrain

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

Refrain

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain

Isaiah 51:12
I, even I, am He who comforts you. Who are you to be afraid of mortal man?

Jer 17:5-8
This is what the Lord says: Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands, he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where there no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out roots by the stream. It does not fear when the heat comes, its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

Ps 105:4-5
Look to the Lord and His Strength;
Seek His Face always.
Remember the Wonders He has done,
His Miracles and the judgements He pronounced,

1 Peter 3:13-16
Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. 'Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.' But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the HOPE that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

Be Still, my soul

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

~Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

~Words: Katharina A. von Schlegel,
translated from German to English by Jane L. Borthwick

mud slogging ...

The bad feelings come from some internal trigger. There is no control and it comes right on schedule - a stretch of good mood days followed by a stretch of bad mood days. It comes on especially hard when things don’t go smoothly land in the stretch of sad feelings like the vehicle that seems to drain you of funds. The middle to mundane becomes unbelievable monsters. You feel crushed and attacked. It is like your energy field is hyper sensitive to all around you and there is no way to desensitize. If you have ever been around an autistic person and watched how sensitive they are to their surroundings yet seem so far away verbally, you can begin to picture how these sad emotions take root in a woman’s soul and her struggle to stay on top. You know those feelings where you need to explode but you hold it inside because you want to be a good girl.

Women are God-Created as beautiful creatures so He knows how His girls struggle with these not so beautiful feelings. No matter how I try to focus on the good, I feel like I am walking up a mountain in mud up to my knees. I am trying to surround these days with music and beautiful pictures. I hum a soothing hymn. I shout out His Attributes. I declare Victory. But I got to figure out if I can incorporate some good clean stress relieving humor into the mix. I need laughter and that is the hardest to accomplish. Oh, and more sleep too! Yesterday and two preceding days were bad, today is better. Opps, no the day got worse after I wrote these words. I am doing a bit of an edit now that I came back to my words. I will keep trying! I want to work with it and not against it. This will only happen for a little while more. Then I am told the mood stays good! Hurray for that!

Mom can't remember what it was like and her advise is 'and this too shall pass'. Ok, not the words I want to hear! May I will love thoses words someday just not now!! Just give me my blankie and my teddy bear. Hibernation sounds good for the soul ... no, claw marks left on others...


Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain:
I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Words: Ci vil la D. Mar tin, 1905.
Music: Charles H. Gabriel

My Anchor holds ...

The next day after the Thunder Snow with all it rain, I woke to a light dusting of snow already on the ground with more in the air. The radio is blaring to watch out for black ice which is a dreaded word for me. (had a bad wreak on it) I was not looking forward to the drive into work. I chose the back way since the local school thought it wise NOT to delay. Problem is that it is a bear to get through town with bad weather and no school delays. So in my head popped the hymn "My Anchor Holds''. Who would have know that the icy roads was not the worst of my day.

I got reamed out by a caller. My face was so red hot that you could have fried eggs on my cheeks. This happened mid-morning and the heat did not leave till evening. I've been working on my voice trying to keep my gentleness even though I know more than half the callers I connect to people end up in voicemail. Plus, having all those spam callers isn't a piece of cake either. Add to that those who choose to use their speaker phones which sounds like they are yelling across the room and jumping straight down your ear drum telling you to speak up! Then oh those yummy CELL phone users who are in and out and raising their voices upset at you no less for the bad connection. I am too fragile to deal with abusive callers and then to be nice on top of that. I had it coming, but what scared me alone in the lady's room was that I felt stuck. This is the same feeling I had before and not one that I want to be in ever again. Having the stuck feeling begins to eat away at you until you are a shell of what you are suppose to be. Never ever want to be in that place again.

I spent the rest of the day writing out the Living Words trying to get myself back ...

to slander no one, to be peaceable, to be full of courtesy, to walk humbly - titus 3:2 ... let your gentleness be know to all men ... he who hardens his heart falls into trouble - prov 28:14 ... bright eyes gladden the heart ...

no excuses, show gentleness to all, slow down, give options, submit, no exceptions, no limits, this is a friendly world, yielded, am I faithful? how do I show my faithfulness, create atmosphere..

My Anchor Holds Heb 6:19
Though the angry surges roll
On my tempest driven soul,
I am peaceful, for I know,
Wildly though the winds may blow,
I’ve an anchor safe and sure,
That can evermore endure.

(Refrain:)
And it holds, my anchor holds:
Blow your wildest, then, O gale,
On my bark so small and frail;
By His grace I shall not fail,
For my anchor holds, my anchor holds.

Mighty tides about me sweep,
Perils lurk within the deep,
Angry clouds o’ershade the sky,
And the tempest rises high;
Still I stand the tempest’s shock,
For my anchor grips the rock.

Refrain

I can feel the anchor fast
As I meet each sudden blast,
And the cable, though unseen,
Bears the heavy strain between;
Through the storm I safely ride,
Till the turning of the tide.

Refrain

Troubles almost ’whelm the soul;
Griefs like billows o’er me roll;
Tempters seek to lure astray;
Storms obscure the light of day:
But in Christ I can be bold,
I’ve an anchor that shall hold.

Refrain
`words written by William C Martin

I am glad I had emailed the words of this song to my work addy. It was helpful to my weary soul ...

Hey, I still have my snow! It is March no less! It is a season that will come to an end and my Jeep is ready for a cleaning inside and out .... Spring brings that and I will welcome her like I welcomed Winter ... just no more November rains please .. pretty please ...

Dear Anchor,
Tomorrow is Monday. A new day. I will try again to dip from Your Gentleness. I need YOU. Can't do it alone...
~always Yours