first gleam vs full light of day ...

Thursday's morning drive into work rewarded me with brilliant soft yellow white sun rays shining through moody blue clouds.  Moving south I enjoy the warmth of sunrise on my left cheek.  It is like being kissed by God.  Turning east my eyes glaze in awe of His Masterful Artwork!  I had to capture a few clicks to sear it into my memory.  Its a feast for my soul as I start a work day.

This Thursday was going to end differently than just another day in and day out.  The news I was to receive & process was going make this morning's sunrise a little bit more permanently etched on my soul.  At 11:15AM my cousin Jim walked onto Heaven's shores.  What?  He's only four years older than I!  Just should not be!

This Thursday waves of childhood memories flooded my daydreams & my tears released emotions that I could not speak.  My cousins are all older than I except one so I generally was in awe of them.  I'm finding myself pausing here as the memories again like snapshots flick across my mind.  Grandma L kept showing up.  My heart bubbled up just thinking of a young Grandma waiting there on Heaven's shores with arms wide open to receive Jim in a ferocious hug right after Jesus.  Oh, how I have tears because of this earthly loss!  Oh, how my heart aches for his wife's loss & for the son who lost his dad too soon!  But behind this pain is a Joy inexpressible!

Being born into the Family of God gives me such an uncontainable & unmeasurable Assurance that death has truly lost its sting.  Oh, it still hurts here & its work to keep setting Jesus ever before me when the world does its best to drown Him out.

As another morning dawned, God's Word did too.  The Divine Author pens in word pictures that this student leans in for more.  Proverb 4:18 says "the path of the Righteous is like the first gleam of morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day."  Remembering the previous day's sunrise & remembering Jim, family twice over, I began to fuse these two pictures together...

Always before I stopped the picture at the sunrise because sunrises can be so dramatic with its God-Fingers slicing through the shadows of the trees.  Full light of day was like the show was over.  I just hadn't fused the two pictures together correctly.

The first gleam of dawn pierces through the shadows & clouds.  Isn't that just how it is with the Righteous?  God's Sonlight pierces right through our shadows of sin, pain, sadness, & darkness.  As a child of God grows more & more like Jesus, the child shines ever brighter.  The full light of day came for Jim as he walked onto Heaven's shore.  We've seen the special effects so we have an idea but Jim knows full well.  The full Light of day consumes all the sin, pain, sadness, & darkness.  No more shadows.  No more sad tears.  No more falling short.  No more struggle.  The brilliant soft yellow white once gleam is full light so bright for Jim.  Its exciting to see new believers grow as Jesus gleams through them but oh, as believers gathers days & years, the shadows seems to grow longer & longer, believers yearn & ache for the God's Perfecting Work in them & for those promising Golden Shores.  Full Light of Day.

I will always delight in God's beautiful sunrises but there will be no stopping there for me.  I will relish the Light!

 When we all get to Heaven
 What a day of Rejoicing that will be
 When we all see Jesus
 We'll sing & shout the Victory!

I'm starting the Rejoicing early...

Salvation =
new creation
Family
a sure Strength
purpose
Victory over death
Heaven
Jesus Christ our Groom
Union
reunions
JOY overload & beyond measure

part vs whole

I was reading I Corinthians 13 and was stopped at "knowing in part".  I have a dear friend who shared with me a weight, stressed, upset issue.  I responded and he gave me more and I responded and now I am waiting.  I'm wondering how to encourage and uplift.

What I know is in part.  What I feel is in part.  What I think is in part.  What I say is in part.  Love is the only whole.  How do you wholly love?  How do you wholly love with what you know in part?  How do you wholly love with what you feel in part?  How do you wholly love when you think in part?  How do you wholly love when you say in part?  All I'm getting so far is keep at loving as God would have you do and do it with P A T I E N C E!  Committing it all to Jesus and watch Him turn water into wine....   

Galatians 6:9 says "weary in doing good."

keep the faith ...

Our new church of a year has celebrated its 175th birthday yesterday.  Hearing all the cool history was great and seeing it was cool.  This was back before Abraham Lincoln was known.  There was a 200 year old Bible from one of the members that was written in Old English.  WOW!!  As I was taking it all in a whisper kept calling me so much so that I had to tell it here.

~~~ Huge photos of yesteryear blown up huge on either side of me on walls.  The eyes are drawing me in and I am trying to hear what they are trying to say to me. Can you hear what they are saying?  Could it be the same thing the early church said and echos through the channels of history?
"Keep the faaaaaaith....  Keeeeep the faaaaaaith ..... keeeeeep the faith..... KEEP THE FAITH! Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap a harvest if we faint not. " Galatians 6:9 ~~~

I know a bit "Dead Poet's Society" but that was what I was hearing inside my head.  Matthew 24 has been on my mind lately.  All around me I see the Love growing cold and it makes me shiver inside.  I don't know how are young are going to survive!

Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold,  but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.  Matthew 24:12&13


What a tall order in these days but I must keep the faith.  I must keep the love.  I must keep the gratitude.  I want that crown of JOY.  I want those behind me to see His Path.... and want His Love for themselves....

one another ...

Part of a note I sent:

Worldly ways have infiltrated the Christian walk and we are so oblivious.    The world believes that people are a commodity to use, abuse, spend, and throw away. I can't do that to you. I am human and weak but I am going to trust and obey God in His "one anothers"

• love one another

• build up one another

• live in peace with one another

• confess your sins to one another

• speak to one another 

• admonish one another

• comfort one another

• pray for one another

• bear one another's burdens

I pledge with God's help to be there through thick and thin. I don't plan on throwing you away. I do plan on laying down what we got at Jesus' feet and with pride. I believe we have something profound and unique. Why else are we drawn to each other and able to feel connected. I can't wait to pull back the veil in Heaven to truly see how and why God brought us together. We are just seeds here. 

~~~~~~~~~

His note back:

I so loved the "one another" statements you wrote.

Had to do a quick little study... and found this:

• Joh_13:14  If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. 
• Joh_13:34  A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. 
• Joh_13:35  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. 
• Joh_15:12  This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. 
• Joh_15:17  These things I command you, that ye love one another. 
• Rom_12:5  So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. 
• Rom_12:10  Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; 
• Rom_12:16  Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. 
• Rom_13:8  Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. 
• Rom_14:13  Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way. 
• Rom_14:19  Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another. 
• Rom_15:5  Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus: 
• Rom_15:7  Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God. 
• Rom_15:14  And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another. 
• Rom_16:16  Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you. 
• 1Co_11:33  Wherefore, my brethren, when ye come together to eat, tarry one for another. 
• 1Co_12:25  That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. 
• 1Co_16:20  All the brethren greet you. Greet ye one another with an holy kiss. 
• 2Co_13:12  Greet one another with an holy kiss. 
• Gal_5:13  For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
• Gal_6:2  Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. 
• Eph_4:2  With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; 
• Eph_4:25  Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. 
• Eph_4:32  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. 
• Eph_5:21  Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 
• Col_3:9  Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; 
• Col_3:13  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 
• Col_3:16  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 
• 1Th_3:12  And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you: 
• 1Th_4:9  But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another. 
• 1Th_4:18  Wherefore comfort one another with these words. 
• 1Th_5:11  Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. 
• 1Ti_5:21  I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these thingswithout preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality.
• Heb_3:13  But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. 
• Heb_10:24  And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 
• Heb_10:25  Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
• Jas_5:16  Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. 
• 1Pe_1:22  Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently: 
• 1Pe_3:8  Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 
• 1Pe_4:9  Use hospitality one to another without grudging. 
• 1Pe_4:10  As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 
• 1Pe_5:5  Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. 
• 1Pe_5:14  Greet ye one another with a kiss of charity. Peace be with you all that are in Christ Jesus. Amen. 
• 1Jn_1:7  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. 
• 1Jn_3:11  For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. 
• 1Jn_3:23  And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment. 
• 1Jn_4:7  Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 
• 1Jn_4:11  Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. 
• 1Jn_4:12  No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. 
• 2Jn_1:5  And now I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that which we had from the beginning, that we love one another. 

burden or blessing...

Have you ever felt that you were more of a burden than a blessing?  Where the words 'I am not a very good friend, and I don't know to what capacity I'm able to be a friend to you' come back to haunt you in the dark places of your mind?  Where you are just a time slot penciled in a spot that may just fill up at the last minute and because you have no priority status all that is left of 'you' is a grey pencil smear in an appointment page long tossed out? Have you ever just felt so tired of your heart breaking in a millions pieces that there is no more heart to care and all you want is to feel happy again but then why hope?  And if you are sooooo tired soooo sick of being tired, won't you do something extremely drastic enough that might mean an end to the friendship you so very much want to keep?

Why is it that I want this friendship so bad?  Why is it that with all the busyness that I have added to my life to stave off the wolves of loneliness will I add this friendship to priority status and not even think of it as another thing I have to do?  Momma always said 'you will do something about the things that are important to you' and I will hold to that like a dog with his favorite bone.  Yet, I feel that tired coming on.  It is like a numbness seeping in the edges of my heart and threatening to stop it cold.  That is frightening...

All I could do was make an inaudible whisper to my Heavenly Father for strength and shelter.  Like always He comes through.  Today it was a song I heard twice and I whispered a Thank YOU.

No One Ever Cared Like Jesus 
I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus,
Since I found in Him a friend so strong and true.
I would tell you how
He changed my life completely;
He did something no other friend could do.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.

All my life was full of sin when Jesus found me;
All my heart was full of misery and woe,
Jesus placed His strong arms about me
And He led me in the way I ought to go.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.
Ev'ry day He comes to me with new assurance;
More and more I understand His word of love.
But I'll never know just why He came to save me,
Till someday I see His blessed face above.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.  
~Lyrics and Composer: Charles Frederick Weigle, 1932

my 15,340 day ...

Dear Heavenly Father,
Of late I have been numbering my days along the lines of noting how in the most alone times of my life, I was not alone. Thank You, Heavenly Father for being there all along. During those elementary years I was learning to obey my parents but ultimately learning to love You. I can see You there smiling upon me as I stood on my faith. Even in those crazy teenage years where I would cry myself to sleep because I was so sad and wondering why You would even create me. What was Your purpose for me? You were listening so quietly but allowing me to discover the importance of valuing others. Then those those lousy self help twenty something years where I kept trying to fix myself, You were waiting to for me to stop and let you God-help me. Then in the thirties where I was choosing the wrong path and yet trying to hold onto You, You were waiting for me to choose You only. Each step of the way, You were there. Even today when I like to take off from work and indulge myself on all things fun, I couldn't and I was scared that it would be another blurring hassle filled day at work. You surprised me again and give me a quiet day where I could catch up. Just what I needed. Thank You that on a special day that was basically ordinary, You cared for me ever so deeply.

As this day has approached, I am more at peace with myself because I am more at peace with You. You gave me the Joy epiphany I so needed and now you are showing me that I do indeed have a very special love story all my own. It doesn't matter that I am single, I've got love! I cannot wait to flesh out Your Passion for me onto paper.

Thank You for Your Gift of Salvation and ultimately Your Presence. I rest most confidently upon You never leaving me nor forsaking me. I am truly blessed.

always Yours,
keeper

for God so loved you ...

Dear Niece,

Guess what my dear? I have begun to read your Twilight books with the last one to go. Oh, there is a lot to chatter about!!

I get it. There is an intrigue. Something that grabs you & holds you. It has got to be the love Bella intensely feels. It is young & dangerous. It is old & wise. It is protective & fierce. It is also very illusive in human form.

I have been on the search of love. Sure, there is no ring on the finger or signatures on a contract but I have found love. It is God-Love. It is Joy. It is peace. It is comfort. It is dangerous. It is wise. It is protective. It is fierce. It is transcendent. It allows you to sing over the storms. It is hearing God singing songs of deliverance over you. It is a mysterious adventure. You must hang on!

Holding the Almighty's Hand allows your heart to overflow with God-Love. This love floats around your family & friends like a cool spring breeze fragrant with new floral scent. This love radiates from your eyes & your smile that strangers & acquaintances are surprisingly happy to catch. This love allows you to love the man of your dreams even when your prince charming is a bit froggy!

I have a book for you! The author has saturated her writings from God's Love Letter, the Bible. "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J Roberts is very intimate & very real. For God so loved you! Grab this & let if overflow your heart.

always,
keeper

Before you freak out about me reading the Twilight books, if I had my way I would not. When your children or the children you love read these books, I think you must. Who better than me? I am an English Teacher at heart and I love getting deep with books. I also get deep with God so I can take this on only through Him.

I am very concerned about her reading these books. There are some things that I am totally shocked that an author of teenage books would put in there when we are trying to teach our teens what is socially correct or dangerous. That is one negative and the other which is no surprise is how the author makes monsters normal and ok. In fact these monsters are really demons, don't you think?

I want to know what she is thinking but I don't want to turn her off. I want to ask innocent questions and really get her to think. I am praying about this. I hope to but she is always busy in sports and rarely comes to family get-togethers.... {heavy sigh}

treasure lost ...

So this guy from Canada is looking for a long lost love of 45 years ago in Melbourne, Australia. They got lost in each other over the matter of 3 hours. He made her promise to write him and she did but the letter got lost for 3 years, but he got it none the less. But he never returned the letter and got married and divorced to another girl ... yadda yadda. Now he has says that he only fell in love once not twice or 1 and a half, just once. Now is the time to fix old regrets.

Normally, I would fell for this sentimental sob story. Not this girl anymore. See I had an encounter that totally changed my life. Probably can't call it love but it was a real strong connection at the very least it was a friendship that had great potential. Well, the bloke off and left. Even though we really had something, I sorta knew that he would leave but it still caught me off guard. I had no regrets. I think we even talked about the passage of time and what it would bring. Well, sorry to say I am not one to wait till 45 years later to look him up. Why would I wait? Crazy notion. Why waste alllllll that time?

I could scream! Doesn't love fight to keep? Think love grows on trees? Think love will come back? Love is fragile like a petals on a rose. Love is rare. Why the games? Why the cloak and dagger? It burns me up.

It has been 5 years now and still counting. I am still here and reachable. I have the box of memories all in my head. I shoved them into the corner but sometimes they come back and torture me. The audios play out his inflections, thoughts, arches, and statements that went high on the end like a question. The voice gets me every time. It is a struggle to get myself back but I do. He has messed it up for every boy that comes after. Do I care? No. But I do.... because now I have the wounded heart and I caught it from him.

I used to side with Love. I had her back. I knew the potential and the power. Now it is a silly old daydream that is nice on a rainy day....

I wish the man well on his quest to locate his lost love but you don't loose what you treasure....

my love story is best!

"The best love story is your own."

I heard this and it stuck with me. At first I argued with it that the Best Love Story Ever was God sending His Beloved Son to die for my sins. Yes, this is true. Yet, as I continued to think about this I know too that my love story is better those I like to listen and see. See I am a big sap when it comes to how you might have met your love. I love to a good love story! Hmmm, nothing compares to my own. But you say that I am single what possible love story do you have?

True on the outside I am the loner (not for the lack of trying to make friends) and a misfit. I do not go with the crowd. I have really big thoughts. I am super tenacious to a fault and can't figure out why others fail to have staying power. Sadly, this has been from when I was a little girl whose only friends where her books and her bike.

Well, through the years Jesus Christ has been my Romancer and Husbandman. He choose me. He is my Alpha and Omega. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is Faithful and True. He is my Great Shepherd. Psalms 18 is the best part of my love story!

{happy sigh} How my heart glows!

my wedding song ...

I love my visual brain! I have been thinking about the hymn "Be Thou my Vision" and there I am in a white wedding dress and veil. The isle is long and tall because I am feeling quite small. But there He is, my Groom, at the alter dress in white. He turns and the flash of His welcoming smile makes me flutter but His warm eyes make me feel safe. Then He reaches His arms for me and I see His nail pierced hands. My heart bubbles up because those hands meant that I WAS CHOSEN AND HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME! He is my Vision, Lord of my heart!!!!
Amen!

love stinks ... teehee

I have a real hard time with Paul when he admonishes the singles to stay single. I think because he seems quite happy to be single and I am not. I think because I have always felt like a misfit and seem to always go against the peer pressure. It just seems that marriage is a place where you can finally breath without looking over your shoulder. So I rather like what Jesus has to say on 'singlehood' in Matthew. It feels more kind and encompasses more singles than those who have no desire for marriage.

Matthew 19:12
For there are eunuchs
who were born thus,
from their mother's womb,
& there are eunuchs
who were made eunuchs by men,
& there are eunuchs
who have made themselves eunuchs
for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake.
He who is able to accept it,
let him accept it.

Well, 40 has brought on me needing to accept singlehood. It is one of the hardest things to do with so many hazards out there sabotaging my every thought. I was going along with my life and my Amigurumi addiction was keeping me level and functioning then I get asked 'if I was married' and 'if I liked boys or not' at a family Christmas function. Then later I get this call if I would like to go on a blind date. This person was well meaning and it was harmless but man, did it send my thoughts in a wild frenzy and I had some low points last week. BTW I said no to a blind date. Good grief! {take deep breath}

I love BNN {worldwide Christian radio} that has great hymns and pastors. With it comes a lot of marriage tidbits and help that I really dig. But after taking stock of my life, I have spent 20 years studying marriage, what a wife is, and what makes boys tick because I wanted to have the best marriage and be the best wife I could be. Now it gets me because singles need help. If a good marriage is a mission field for all those out there with bad ones then being single should be a mission field for all the singles messing around or are walking wounded. Elizabeth Elliot said "our disappointments are God's appointments." This is a good boost for a thought I have been nursing for the past months. Something along the lines of Singlehood Survival .... of course I am not main stream so maybe my survival kit wouldn't help others. If I create this dream and it only helps me to be full joy and vibrant than it is worth it. I know vague on the dream but people like to rain on my parade and fail to shush and truly listen.

Oh, I have thought of a retort for those pesky questions on my marital status and it is Biblical! It is good for those 'talk backs' I need to pack myself when the heart starts to bleed and the mind goes into downward spiral and the tears heave. I might not quote all the verse as it just might blood to boil but parts of it still packs some heat....

Marriage is honorable ...
be content with such things as you have.
For Jesus Himself has said,
"I will never leave you nor forsake you."
So we may boldly say:
"The Lord is my Helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?"
~ Hebrews 13:4-6

If I really need to shut someone up, I would quote all of it but this saids a lot right here. It certainly shuts me up! I do get a killer wicked grin on my face and I get my mind back and the bleeding stops and the tears recede. I am sure I will have dark episodes and that I would be out the woods on this but I have my footing back and I will keep fortifying myself with His Love Letter.

monthly thoughts of 2009

Jan: Romanced by an Everlasting Love - Jer 31:3
Feb: Faithful & True - Rev 19:11
Mar: StrongMan - Matthew 12:29
Apr: Sovereign
May: Provider - JEHOVAH-JIREH = the Lord shall provide
Jun: Perfect Love - 1 John 4:18
Jul: my Shepherd - Ps 23
Aug: Shield & Defender
Sep: Love that will not let me go - ♫ O Love ♫
Oct: First & Last - Isa 44:6
Nov: Fullness of Joy - Ps 16:11
Dec: Gift Giver

This year's theme was about God's romance for me and I found that His Names are like pet names or love names. I was hoping to focus all my love desires on Jesus so I wouldn't be so mucked up with being single. I have spent about twenty five years studying how to be a good wife, have a good marriage, and figuring out the male species. I have come up empty handed. Now if I find myself still single at 80 and some little old man wants to sweep me off my feet and marry me, FORGET IT. Nada. Never. If you couldn't make me a honest woman when I was young and I spent all my days fending for myself, you don't get me. I know that is the future and I really don't know how I will feel but here at 40, I am feeling both. I want companionship but I am so sick of what I am finding that no I don't want to get married.

Why is it that I am a responsible woman cleaning up my life and working out my issues and GROWING when a man seems to think that he can be a couch potato in full out hibernation till hell freezes over when it comes to his relationships and his spiritual life? Look, I cannot nor will I try to change a man but to sit back and see that a man zonk out, run away, or shut out issues that bite him on the nose is ludicrous! Give it up to the Heavenly Father already! Man cannot change himself but to runaway isn't working. Seek God and He will always be there. I know, the soapbox is out and I am shouting away. A raving mad old maid here. Laugh away. Low point here. {sighs} Just a question that has boiled over and is burning the bottom of the pot.

I think I need to stay here and focus on my romance with my Heavenly Father as my heart is broken and scarred. It still needs the Hands of the Master Physician to heal up my wounds. I did not feel this way all year. Crochet amigurumies has insulated my heart but for some reason it is huge right now. Maybe because someone tried to set me up and my heart went into attack mode. They had my well being in mind but even so it messed up the seemingly calm waters. So because I am having issues, 2010 is following 2009 with a Elizabeth Elliott's quote "Our disappointments are God appointments." I am seeking to use my disappointments for God. When I seek Him, He always find me.... saving me from myself!

a love story ...

This was a forward in my email box and I thought I would share as it is a love story - perfect for Valentine's Day:

The Tablecloth
The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed
much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve. They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc., and on December 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished.

On December 19 a terrible tempest - a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days. On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about
20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high. The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home.

On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover up the hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the church.

By this time it had started to snow. An older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus.. She missed it. The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later. She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.

Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle. Her face was like a sheet..
"Pastor," she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?" The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria.

The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten the Tablecloth. The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria. When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave.
Her husband was going to follow her the next week. He was captured, sent to prison and never saw her husband or her home again.

The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep it for the church. The pastor insisted on driving her home, that was the least he could do.. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn
for the day for a housecleaning job.

What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve. The church was almost full. The music and the spirit were great. At the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return. One
older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighborhood continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn't leaving.

The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike. He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put in a prison.. He never saw his wife or his home again all the 35 years in between.

The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier.

He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.

True Story - submitted by
Pastor Rob Reid

What I would have done in the past after reading such a tale, I would have a small piece of hope for the lost love that I have. But no more. It is a lovely story; yet, my hope must stay firmly on the Rock.

In my past I would have taken this as a sign. Today I understand that signs are fleeting and not really signs. We tend to get caught up in signs as hope and even answers to the questions we might be harboring. I am not one to really a sign taker. It is just once in a while especially when I am really into something and a big fat question is sitting there, I fall for a sign. Not any more! Not even for a tiny sign.

I had a relationship that I took to God and really made sure that everything I did was with Eternity in mind. I prayed a lot and ask God for help in whatever I was giving in this relationship. I would be very aware of His speaking. Now that this relationship is gone, I use to have a ton of questions that were not answered and not just why he walked away but what am I to do now. Then it hit me that nothing not even a sign was stable. I have begun to dig myself into the Word of God and find myself rooted. All of my questions are put into the Word and where I find God's Will plainly written in black and white. All I have to do is trust and obey. I am so at peace now more so than ever before. My questions are quieted when I grab a law or blessing and pray through my questions, decisions, and plans. No more waffling for me.

True Love, Everlasting Love, Love that stands the test of time comes only from God. He will see me through and if this friendship should ever come back into my life, I will be here knowing the 'knitted together' comes by God's love coming through me via reading and standing on God's Word.

True Strength ...

You know the feeling when it is such a relief for a man to step in for you and carry some burden that you had been overloaded with? Or the feeling when a man spoke up for or stood as a shield when you felt paralyzed by the need to be nice but needed to be strong on your values? It is call STRENGTH and every beauty needs someone to be strong for you?

I have always enjoyed and thanked God for His Creations like when I am going to work on a winter day and the bright yellow sun is waking up and kissing me on the cheek. I thank God for this because it is His Kiss and His pat on my back saying 'go get 'em'. I also thanked God for the past two weeks off because I needed it so badly and under normal circumstances couldn't. I totally enjoyed every moment off. I got to take care of me and my space. But I realized that my thank you needs to be more specific so that I recognize for myself that it is God, my Great Lover, who stood up for me and my beauty and said 'It is time to rest and enjoy it.' Now that is True Strength and True Romance. Ahh, my Everlasting Love!

Q's:
Where has God been my Strength and stood up for me or shielded me when I couldn't? How has His Strength protected my beauty? Have I thanked God for His Everlasting Love and Strength? How does if feel to finally breath again without the burden God shouldered? Will I let His Strength nourish my beauty?

My Rest ...

My dearest beloved,
Come to Me, you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. I will give you Peace not as the world gives you but My Peace is good and a perfect gift. Let this overflow your cup because My good and perfect gift is of shine not shadow.

I know your arms are tired but you used the shield of faith to withstand the fiery darts and used the sword of the Spirit to protect your wellspring of life. You know to be gentle to all men and to let your home be inviting, but you also proved faithful to Me by protecting your home from the thief who seeks to tie up the strong man and scatter you. You let Me surround your weakness and stood with the belt of truth and the breastplate of right ways. I gather you in My Arms. Stay here and you will be safe.

Now sleep in green pastures beside still waters. I alone give you REST.
~always your Heavenly Father, Shepherd, Great Lover, & Husbandman.

E & M

What a beautiful wedding! The bride is 20 and I think the groom is 22 at the most. The are a young christian couple and boldly shared the gospel by having the pastor preach a little 'sermonette' about the wedding picture being a reflection of the sinner coming to Christ. All a sinner has is a broken contrite heart but Jesus Christ has the Cross and His dying for the sinner. This single girl knows from the bottom of her heart that the joining of man and woman is a picture of God but had not really visually viewed it like this. Definitely a keeper for me to keep pondering over. LOVED IT. I think this was the best part of the wedding for me.

I only know of Mitch through Erica. So I paid attention to his actions. Oh, he looked like a boy in the candy factory. His face was just a glow in a smile all the time and with his red hair it was so adorable. I have been to a good share of weddings in my day and I think this is the first time I saw a young man very excited and contented and very ready for this new thing to be. Most grooms are scared to dead and very much looks it!

Of course the whole place was beautiful. I have been getting to hear snippets of the preparation and I couldn't wait to get to see it. Erica is so very organized and she never seemed to stress over any part. She was frugal and creative. I just can see this marriage as something that is loved filled and will last a lifetime.

I wanted to see her hard work and I don't mind going to the wedding part. I do not like the reception and I usually leave after the wedding. But I wanted to see the decorations and the slide show. I went and made it all by myself. I did have work peeps that I could sit with. Even though there was lettuce, candy, and cake, I was quite happily surprised that the meal of pork, potatoes and green beans where foods that I could eat!!!! You don't know how it feels to have everyone eat around you and you can't because you are allergic. People commit - AWKWARD. I saw a family friend that I went up to and talked a bit. We were both surprised to know that Erica was the common link to why we attended.

I still was ill at ease but I know God's peace was with me. Weddings are hard and having to go to them by yourself is even harder. Being in the deep in of thirty, I still wonder if I will have to endure being a loner all my life. Too hard, I say. But God says no, it isn't. So by faith, I keep walking with my hand in His.

Be calm within your soul...
Even the restless waves,
which break upon the shore,
find their way, from time to time,
into peaceful, tranquil harbors.

I did have a great time creating a painted gift for her. She loves my stuff so I had to do something so cool that would blow her mind. She loves the wine bottles that I do for dish soap but she is into browns and the soft colors that go with it. I just so happened to have a brown wine bottle not a beer bottle but a brown wine bottle. She is in love with daisies and is wanting to go sage in her kitchen. I also found a great copper round tray at my favorite place - TARGET. I did daisies up the side and put their last name and date on it. I didn't forget to put butterflies on it too.

sheep or pig?

More obedience thoughts:

A lamb who has fallen into mud works hard to get out. A pig who has fallen into mud finds it home and is contented. The same goes with God's children, they fight to get out whereas the children of this world enjoy their mud.

I have recorded here before that obedience brings blessing and disobedience brings punishment. I must add that obedience says 'I love You, God.' Disobedience says 'I despise You, God. See this in King David's sin -> II Sam 12:1-12!

Love never fails ...

These three words to a longer passage of love appeared by themselves above a devotional. I could not really read the devotional because the words were speaking very loudly. Love never fails. Wow! On this broken down earth, love is very hard to come by. Even though I know love is work and I am not afraid to give it my all, I have not found another that thinks like this pursuing me. Fortunately these where not my first thoughts. Rather these words gave me comfort because what God has done for me.

God so loved me! that He gave His Son Jesus to die/pay for all my sins. Jesus gave His life so that I could have a joyful everlasting life. I could finally rest in His Resting place. It is uncommon for another to give his life for even a friend, but MY God did. So when I get stuck in the heartbreaks of love and live, my focus needs to be put back on the love that never fails*...

Read Psalms 18!!!! This is the best love story and it is a real happy ending. Be the character in this story and kneel in awe of the Awesome God coming to your rescue.

*1 Cor 13 (8)

divine power of love ...

I have two stories to tell today. They are true stories. I hope I remember them well and tell them well.

1st story is about a woman and a man who are married and in love. They have children. The man has to go to another country for a job, I think. He writes home often. One day the woman receives a letter from him saying that he will not write her anymore that he has fallen in love with another woman. The woman is a mess and doesn't know how to tell her children about their father. The children know something is up with their dad because their mother isn't doing very well at hiding the tears. One of the children asks if they will be getting any more letters from their father. Knowing that she is caught, she must tell them the true. "No, your father has fallen in love with another woman." The children think a moment and come back to her with a question, "Is it ok that we still love our father even though he doesn't love us back? Would you tell him to write us letters anyway so that we can love him still?"

(ok, the story does not end here ... !)

The letters from father continued to come and mother continued to read them to the children. One day a letter came for her and this was the most painful for her to read. This letter contained the news that he had cancer and would not be living long. The request he had hit really hard and what would she do. He requested that from her that she save back some money and send to his new family saying it was from him. He had no money left and he didn't want his new family to run into destitution. She sent back a letter saying that what she could do was have the new family come live with her and she would help them learn the new language and get them set up here.

Wow, that is loving! This is the second time that I have gotten the nudge that I can still love someone even though they don't love me back. I must eat my words! I am always spouting off that love is work. The hardest work is loving someone without getting love back in return. And... isn't this what God has done and continues to do?

The next story is about love and time and a true story.

A solder in the midst of a fury of battle with bullets raging on all sides was told to get to on saving the fallen conrads by his commanding officer. However, he hesitated and kept his eyes on his watch. It seemed ages before he finally looked at his watch one last time and then began pulling his fallen buddies to the rescue. After the firefight he was asked why he hesitated and what was so important about his watch. He said that he wasn't a christian and he didn't know about life after death but his mother told him before he left to read the Bible and that at a certain time everyday that she would be praying for him. In this battle of life and death, he thought best to wait for his mother's devine intercession...

Whoa!!!! I think enough said and time for the mental gears to chew on this...

what woman want ...

A thought popped into to my head the other day and it goes like this ...

If I am wanting within a relationship with a man, he ain't the one!

... whew & wow! Pretty big thought for little ol' me! Then I started to list my wants and began to realize to fight back the 'he's just not into you' and all those guys who give off mix messages with my own 'he's just not want I want'. Two can play the game.

my want list
I want :
1. to be choosen/pursued by him
2. to follow his leadership.
3. to be filled by him & to receive from him.
4. to be his beauty and know his eyes light up when I walk in the room.
5. to be rescued by him.
6. to be protected by him & know I am safe.
7. to be kept by him.
8. to hear endearments & I love you's from him.
9. to be of value to him.
10. to be needed by him.

I feel these are basic needs all women need within the agreement of marriage. And if I find that I cannot function safely within these bonds, then he ain't the one! I WILL NOT accept motley and muddled inbred messages from boys who claim they arn't into you half the time and the other half of the time want you to pant after them. I am making boys sound bad but I have had grown men, a few who were suppose to be believers and even one I really looked up to mess around without regard to my heart and I am sick of it.

Truth be told I am sick of myself who broods over all the mixed messages trying to knit together something thick enough to keep me warm. Oh, to be safe .... NOT GOING THERE! Bye! I got to go read Psalms 18! The True Knight in Shining Armor on a white horse to boot....