rainbow promise ...

I just have been having a hard time liking my work and it has gotten sooooo much worse. When I take a day off, then the next day is a nightmare. I try to do my best and every time I make a mistake, i can feel my will get defiant and stand up with arms cross. It takes me a long time to get my will to stand down.

I can't figure out the headaches. What am I allergic too now? Then I have a pain in my neck high up in my head. Can't figure that out either. So when I mad a grocery run, the raindrops began to fall on the steamy earth. I was hoping they would wait because I wasn't sure if they were going to get violent. Mr. Sun kept shining and wouldn't let the raindrops turn black. I walk out of store with my food and was kissed by wet liquid sunshine. Guess what? There in the cloudy blue sky was a rainbow arcing from one side then getting lost in blue cotton candy clouds but reappearing on the other side. My heart jumped for joy! It was like God straightening out my bent back and shored up my broken heart. I know where to put my focus but sometimes I need a lift...

My Heavenly Father loves me!!!!!! What Joy!!!!

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee;
and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee;
when thou walkest through the fire thou shalt not be burned;
neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
Isaiah 43:2

to respect your man ...

I DO NOT have a problem with respecting a man. It is a God-Command for a good union. Plus, to 'fear' God means to honor and respect. I understand the lordship of Sarah with her man, Abraham. Because of this, first on requirement on my 'man-list] is that I must be able to follow the man's leadership. If you can follow his leadership, all the more you will be able to respect him.

Here I went and read a book that explains the respect issue a bit. I agree you must respect your man's thoughts, his words, his judgements, and his actions. What was very new to me was the respecting his ''figuring it out for himself''. Uh oh! This could be a mine field! My experience has been with moody ones that quiet up or ditch you. How do you steer away from their 'figuring out' when in discussion over issues and problems? Not a clue! (BTW how do we get in trouble over suggestions when in our own issues that all we want is an ear and they are there with all kinds of suggestions......then if you get mad or don't take their advise you disrespect???? grrr.)

There was two examples of when the boys are in the figuring out stage. One was when they are out driving. They don't really want directions. They want to figure it so girls just enjoy the ride. It his adventure and he wants to share it with you. I get this. My father loves Sunday drives. We are amazed at all his know how when it comes to driving w/o maps. I have map skills and not afraid to tackle going to a new place. In fact I have travelled to a neighboring state allllll by myself w/ maps but I did it! The second example is of a man with all the entertainment components all over the floor and taking all day to hook things up. I am a tinkerer myself so there are few house projects I could do on my own so I really need to watch this. Can I ask to take up certain responsibilities w/o him getting his ego miffed? Say a wife wants the towel bar fixed in the bathroom and it goes days. The wife thinks and sees that she can fix it and gets the screw gun or the glue out and fixes it. Disrespect? Yikes. These examples are kind of on the lighter side but are very dangerous for man bashing.

But what about the super serious stuff like if the man is dealing with work issues that are beating him down? What if he turns melancholic and into a slow burn? These are issues. These need figuring out. It is sooooo hard to sit on the sidelines with a sock in the mouth in order to control the urge to burst forth with 'help'. I am so upset about this because I thought I had the respect issue down and here my whole world got messed up when I thought I had it neat and orderly.

A couple finishing thoughts....
'Anger is expressed when they are disrespected.' <-- a clue!
'Nagging and repeated requests is disrespect.' <-- a personal clue

Some personal rules I made for myself to follow:
1. Never put down - always build up.
2. Never ever tell them what to do! <-- general rule for all peeps
3. Woman is the man's helpmate - never ever the other way around.

I am so messed up because I thought a marriage union was all about the us but of late it seems it has to be all about him....

dream promise ...

Hebrews 11 is God's listing of the Ancients who lived their lives in FAITH. What really pulled on my heart was verse 13 and following but here I will just talk about verse 13.

''These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.''

Did not the Ancients dream these promises given by God? You bet they did!!!! I am pitched over in wonder and in this frighting awe. Could I dream my dreams without them coming true? Please note that I am not saying my dreams born deep inside just begging to come out is the same as God-Given Promises to the Ancients. However, just thinking what I should do about my dreams ... Again seeking God is the perfect plan...

global bail out plan ...

I miss an old friend that I had once upon a time. During our conversations I gave him an observation: 'I love God's creation of marriage because it pictures what God is and His Ultimate love plan for us. You love the end times stuff and Revelation because you feel God's love plan most in His Return.' He said, 'True'. He has made a choice to move on and leave me in the dust but I have started getting into Daniel and Revelation and would love to talk to him again...

Radio speakers are touching on the end times stuff so I have been digging into to Revelation and Swindoll is in Daniel. Several years ago I stumbled onto end time stuff in Luke 21 and took comfort in Luke 21:33 ''Heaven & earth will pass away but My Words will never pass away.'' It brought much comfort because my love language is WORDS. (bet you couldn't tell!) That was that. Now I am beginning to open up to it...

First in Revelation there is a blessing for all who read Revelations! ''Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of this prophecy, and keeps those things which are written in it, for the time is near.'' Rev 1:3 I sure what to be blessed instead of cowering or avoiding. I have stayed away from Revelations probably because as a child there was a whole series of end times movies that scared me and as being a big sis my bro didn't take the movies very well and they made him question his salvation. It was just to much for me to take in and understand. I tend to stand in what I know best and that is that I am going to Heaven because I choose the The Way which is narrow. I also stayed away from Revelations I say because I am a girl and Revelations is so unsafe and I do not and will not get into discussions over what Revelations means because I do not confrontation. If you know the way, then that is final.

Second piece of comfort comes from Daniel 7:15, ''I, Daniel, was troubled in spirit, and the visions that passed through my mind disturbed me.'' I was thinking why should he be troubled because this vision was of things to come and he personally wasn't in them or he personally was not condemned and it has the Ancient of Days setting up His Kingdom by tearing down the earthly and Godless governments. But it speaks of his love for the people he worked for and for the hardships to come. So my feelings of terror finds common ground in Daniel and it isn't a girl thing.

For the third bit, take note that Daniel was in government and politics - I find it very interesting that God choose Daniel to deliver the message that all governments no matter how great or good they might be will fall before the Kingdom! In these days of global unrest I definitely find that a comfort. This old friend of my came is from the land down under and at times I felt stress from our conversation. I seemed to feel that he thought that America thought it was a superpower. I never had that notion and it would make me upset. I do not believe America is a superpower. I think and hope that we are a good influence but anyways onto the real point. Go back to Nebuchadnezzar's dream of the large statue in Daniel 2. Before noticing that my study Bible had the kingdoms listed out according to the gold, silver, bronze, iron, I saw the feet of iron and clay or the 10 kingdoms as the what is actually going on today! What is present now is all these little kingdoms trying to get along with each and hating each other all the same. Iron and clay meaning partly strong and brittle - 'so the people will be a mixture and will not remain united, any more than iron mixes with clay.' Dan 2:43. What follows is that rock that knocks the statue down. This ROCK is the Kingdom of God. For me that finally, it is done and over with! My God reigns! See, America isn't a superpower. It is all the nations of the world that will fall...

.:note!:. As I left these words to rest a bit and went to read the Daniel visions again, I don't know for sure if my notion is true so don't debate me on this. Daniel isn't written in chronological order and Revelations isn't written in complete sentences. Revelations is written in bursts like John was trying to write down everything as not to forget. If I would read prophecy like I knew the answer, it would be wrong of me. The more you read the more you begin to question when this or that is going to happen when and where. That is God's way of saying to us that isn't important. So what is important? What is important is that all these power hungry miserable earthly governments can not stand against the Rock - the Kingdom that is to come. God established the Kingdom by sending His Son and He has been welcoming and waiting through the centuries for those who choose to become citizens of Heaven.

So my final point comes back to Revelations - No, I haven't finished my study and it make take me a while so there may be more to say or not and I just might get confused. But as Psalm 18 is my damsel in distress psalm where my white knight comes and rescues me from my daily pain and anguish, Revelations isn't just the revealing of Jesus Christ but it is God's global BAIL OUT or rescue plan! He is the Almighty One who will rescue all of us if we choose. It is for the mainstream ... ''Let him who thirsts COME. Whoever desires, let him take the Water of Life freely.'' Revelations 22:17

AMEN!

details ...

I was watching a movie where the details in the relationship was important. I was somewhat surprised. Is it true there are guys out there paying attention enough to notice 6 different smiles you might have? I like details and this would be quite cool to be shocked like that but have I put enough attention into someone that I notice and put a number on their little adorable quirk? I cannot think of one. Hmm, I think I should get busy and start counting the adorable details.

It must be noted here to the movie stressed the point that it takes a long relationship to gain the little nuances that are unspoken within a person's actions and behavior. These details are not about the favorites someone has. Sure you want to this in a relationship and you can ask. This is a bit harder. You cannot ask because the one you are taking notice of cannot see themselves. They don't know the answer. That is why this is so intriguing!

Six different smiles! Wow!

individual vs community ...

The word is that there are no words for the Opening Ceremonies at the Beijing Olympics. It was pure magic and ingenious to an extreme. I keep trying to go over the many visuals like a student at the feet of a master. It had the yin yang thing going on where the contrasts were put together. You had soft next to loud, child next to solder, simple next to complex, and tall next to small. I liked everything from the massive drums to the writing blocks done with human power to the green starmen to the globe with walking men to the touch lighting to the piece of artwork that was made through out the night including the march of athletes making the canvas come alive with color not to mention the child drawing in a smiley face for the sun. Just too beautiful because as I say I loved one, I go to the next and say I love it too.

As I was watching the printing blocks go up and down and the camera was taking in all the angles, I just knew that people where under those making them work before the secret was revealed by all of them popping through with huge smiles. I just could not help but think on the 2008 drummers and these printing blocks (etc) about the huge amount of people coming together and making this work in precise patterns. It is the Chinese picture. Few in power with many working together for the common cause unlike here in the USA where our actions are more individualistic. (I must note that both are creative in there own way.) I will never think one is better than the other because there should be a balance. Rather, my thoughts strayed to the concept of relationships in China.

If the people work together with such precision are they ever lonely? Do they ever want for companionship? Do they ever feel the need to step out of their box and let everything hang out? If they don't have little outburst episodes, aren't they hiding? Hmmm, just thinking aloud.

I am more of an individual type of person more because of how I am made. I don't follow the crowd because ... oh well, just because! I see a different way open before me and yet I carry this burden of aloneness. I keep seeking and so I wander ! And Tolkien said "All that wonder are not lost." {!!!}

poo stomping ...

The more you stomp in poop the more it smells.
~ Billy Ray Cyrus

Hmmm! Interesting and quite true. Soooooo, what poo have you been stomping around in and really quite frankly making a big muck and stick? I believe it is a question we should answer honestly.

not my plan!

She is a teenager with child. Engaged but not married. The child is not his. Honest, she is a good girl. If it was her plan she would not be with child without being married and the child would be his. She doesn't mess around. She knows the Bible stories passed down. She seeks to please her God. But ...

He is a few years older and is engaged but she is with baby that is not his. He knows the law. He could parade her through town and then have her stoned, but he is a gentle soul and will put her away quietly. He seeks to obey his God. But...

But God wanted Mary, a virgin, to carry and bring Jesus into the world. He knew there would be talk of His Son being born of a wayward woman but see His plans are not our own. Can you imagine the glares and the fingers pointing at Mary?

But God wanted Joseph to step up and protect Mary. God wanted Joseph to father the Son who was not his own. Can you imagine the whispers and the eyes avoiding you just because you went a married a woman who was with a child not your own?

It really went deep for me this year for some reason. We think obeying and loving God is a neatly wrapped plan of doing what is right and that it will be easy. Or at least it should be! Why do we think like this? Remember God says His Plans are not our plans so we shouldn't be so surprised when His Plan asks us to obey and love God when it is not so neatly wrapped. In fact our plan is way to easy and we think we should get a ton of favor (human) heaped upon us for doing the right things. Problem - that isn't a true obedience or a true love. We need to do His Messy Wild Plan with all our obedience and love. Now that is true - when you can do it when others laugh at you and think you lost it - true love for Him ... our gift back to a God who loved us first...

Merry Christmas!

a distress damsel psalm ...

I've hinted to the fact that I am in the backyard of my 30's. I guess I am freaking out a bit emotionally too - not at my age (suppose that will happen soon) but at these rollercoaster feelings and the knowledge of the craziness my mother felt. {screams} I just want to move through this phase of my life with all the good lessons I've learned so far like the joy and continue through with more joy, tranquility, and gentleness. I don't want anger to rule my life...

I connected few dots yesturday and I am on the point of breaking through to something huge for myself. It makes me quite excited and I hope that by weeks end when my vacation is ending that I have 'my own best friend habits' set in place. Meaning a way to fight back and save me from the 'internal social pressures' that run amuck in women my age... I am enough and loved.. Now lets take a look a woman's fairytale of a psalms!

One of the major connecting of the dots for me was reading Psalms 18 through the eyes of a woman instead of a soldier or through King David. Put on your female eyes and try it with all the muck that is going on in your life and include your fairytale story and see how this psalm changes your life...


Psalms 18: 1-6 speaks of your love for God and His Mighty ways in your life. Then you call out to be saved from your enemies. What is your enemy? Death - when you just want to live. Death for the woman is feeling like no one cares that your nose is the only thing that is staying above the torent waters. You are treading water but nothing is keeping you afloat. You are tired. You are doing everything and being everybody to family, work etc. Quite simply, you are trying to be the best you and the emotions and feelings are telling you 'not enough, you are just not enough!' So you cry out to God who has been there and has shown Himself to you before but you just not feeling it now and that makes you feel bad even worse.

Now this is the exciting part! Check out Psalms 18: 8-19! How many of us has dreamed of that prince on a white horse coming to our rescue? Why can't there be that rescue for this poor damsel in distress? HERE IT IS!!!! DRINK IT IN!!! See how our woes and distresses anger our God? He is enraged that the enemy is stealing our Joy and our strength. Here in these verses I am floored at the description of His Anger! {dances the happiest jig ever} Read that over and over until you feel it real in your life. Then watch Him swoop down and feel yourself swing through the air coming to rest behind God on His mighty white work stallion. Wrap your arms around Him and don't let go!

Psalms 18:20-24 is where you tell God what you have done in the right ways. It is an honesty check but when you have down the right ways and talk that out to God, you know by keeping His Ways there is blessing there. You are reminding yourself not God because He already knows. It is time for you to get into your path and see through. It is understanding that even when you do everything right and it feels like failure, that is the enemy talking. You talk back with the God-Blessings that you receive by doing right ways.

Psalms 18:25-36 is declaring God Attributes in your life path. Again it is you talking back or aloud about how your Prince has rescued you and has fought the battle for you. It is a self reminder not to get stuck in not being enough. That is death. Stay away from it. God is your Source. He is your Everything from Alpha to Omega. He is your Commander. He has your orders and the way to do them. He is your Husbandman and Keeper. He is your Creator and He sure created us a bit more intricate and intimate that man. He understands all our nuances. He made us this way for a reason - for marriage and for man. He created us naturing and beautiful - two aspects of His Nature. Who else should we go to if we are feeling used up and ugly? The Source!!!! Fill up!!!

Psalms 18:37-42 is showing how God Attributes come through us. He arms us with strength / joy for the battle before us. Look how we crush our destroyers! We are not destroyed. We have the victory.

Psalms 18:42-50 is praise to God who rescued us. We are His chosen and that does not mean we lay down and die. We arise and claim victory over all that seek to crush us. The enemy hates our beauty. Satan will do anything to undermine us. By doing so he thinks he can bring down God. We know this yet our actions say we don't believe that God is our Salvation and Rescuer. Time to live this Psalm out moment by moment. Our story is a romance story and it has a happy ending. Time to make victory in our middles....

{wails beating my chest it is so powerful}

God with Emmanuel

Emmanuel has a picture of a girl and kept that picture for six years always in hope that he would see her one day. ( I have a picture of someone special and I have memories. I have let go ... do I dare to hope?) Emmanuel is a 'lost boy' from the Sudan. In a Kenyan camp he noticed this girl. He couldn't help but drink her in. He couldn't get enough. He saw someone with a camera and beg to have their picture taken.

Emmanuel carried that picture (his most valuable luggage) in his Bible with him all the way to America. He went to college and went to Canada one Christmas to meet up with friends when he went into church. There was Veronica! Can you imagine? (We often talked about the day we would meet. I still think about how that would play out in different scenarios.) They married last year and are expecting their first child. She has a visa thanks to Oprah.

Do I hope again to meet him on this side of Heaven? I think I will let go and let God handle him. I will remind God of the faith Emmanuel (God with us) had in meeting Veronica... I believe you can let go and still hope. God may seem invisible but He is ever-working out His beauty and His fierceness in us...

Emmanuel & Veronica's Story

to capture a snowflake...

Woooo hoooo! I found out how to capture and keep a snowflake forever!!!!

step 1. Get two pieces of glass and when it is lightly snowing, go outside and let them fall on the piece of glass.

step 2. Then use Super Glue to encase the snowflakes. Then slap the two pieces of glass together.

step 3. Put in the freezer for a week. Then whala! Captured Snowflakes!

I will definitely have to try! And if you have a microscope, you could really get up close and personal!

I love snowflakes and would have loved to share this with ... sighs

embraced forever...

I think I am a lover and a romantic. Yes, give me the ooooooowy goooowy yummmy sticky hubba hubba. Even as I say this I know true love is hard work but give me that too!!! Not afraid.

Being a very visual learner, I have to share my excitement over a rather interesting picture. A man and a woman preserved love by their final moments on earth forever. Eyes locked on eyes and arms in tender touch and legs intertwined ... Cannot help but be encouraged! Yeah, call me wierd. I do not care!

passing the football ...

I see God and Gerald Ford on the Heaven's shores hundle up like two American footballers. I can't hear what God is telling him but Gerald is in rapt attention. They are in the Halls of History. I am sure God is showing him Heaven's side of the typastry of Time. Then I see God point out in the vastness. He pulls back the curtain and shows Saddam beeing jerked into his afterlife three days after Gerald was called Home.

Both God and Ford had tears in their eyes. God's tears were hot and sad. He had given His most Precious Gift. Again another had rejected... Ford's tears seemed to be awe of God and the humbleness felt...

Heavenly Father and Almighty King of kings,
I can't help feeling such amazement as history keeps unfolding... so fast before me as I sit here on the edge of time especially when men and women with great shadows whether good or bad enter Eternity. Diana and Mother Teresa. Shivo and Pope John Paul and Ronald Reagan. Now Gerald Ford and Saddam.

I am amazed of the contrasts. When these things happen, I feel you tapping me on my shoulder to pay attention. As I ponder, help me listen in with Your Wisdom...
~ always your little girl