his presence - my present ...

Do you know what makes me happy?  His presence.   He lives on the other side of the world but his presence is in his emails or in the his voice on the telephone or in a letter.  It is like he walks into a room full of people and I am there a wallflower of course.  He searches for me until our eyes lock and dance as we find home.  It is like a song that lifts me up and makes me walk a little taller with my feet walking on air.  It is like a hot coal that warms the recesses of my heart making my cheeks warm and revs up my thoughts.  It is like a breeze that ever so lightly touches the skin, like his hand that wipes away a fleeting tear and lifts my chin.  His presence makes me happy. {happy sigh} Just a little happy that I am thankful for.

one woman ...

He who loves one woman
has loved them all.
He who has loved many women
has loved none.

Interesting! I heard this quote and had to write it down. It does seem that some men (I won't say all {smiles} ) think they need more than one woman. I can't crawl inside their thinking nor do I want to but what is up with them trying? What is up with their excuses?

Being a woman looking at this what is it that is purely nugget worth? I think it is the loved none part. It is not love that they say they are giving and every thing they do pivots on this. It rings up uneven. It has been weighed and measured and it comes up wanting.

This one woman doesn't seek to be empty; she rather be full. This one woman doesn't want unrest; she rather be at peace. This one woman doesn't yearn for average; she rather have intense and deep - exceptional. This one woman doesn't hanker for like, hate, or evil; she rather have love - pure and beautiful. Give this one woman one man totally into her and wrapped in love...

harvest of blessing...

I stumbled upon the 10/10/05 email. It is his second rejection letter ... then back when I read it the first time, I thought I saw him coming back. Well, today I rediscovered it and felt his rejection of me all over again. With all this time since, I guess it made it more clear. I was too much and not enough wrapped up all in one. If he has hurt me, than so be it. He has to have anti-social behavior to recharge...

I promised myself that my free Friday would be spent getting birthday and christmas things done. I would not feel lonely or cry. ARgh! Why did I reread that email? Never the less, I was hear in a puddle of tears. What a sap I am! I cried my bitter tears to God - angered that I was ruining my day.

I love God so much because He always whispers to me enabling me to carry on. His whisper was Galations 6:9:

Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest of blessing.

Ok, I will keep my channel open to him and I will bathe him in prayer. I will keep doing the good ... It is still a mystery but God whispered and peace came into my heart... I wonder what God is up too...

to be your friend ...

Dear Precious Gift,
I choose to be your friend whether you choose me back or not! It was confirmed once again to my heart last night.

I thanked God for you after our first meeting and have enjoyed our talks ever since. It seemed you cared back. I still have the memories. I cannot nor will I lean on my own understandings because it leaves me waffling back and forth wondering what I meant to you. I choose faith that the good work God has begun in you will continue until we meet again and not fear of rejection and aloneness. I choose faith that God will chase you down with the Joy that is only found in Him and not fear that the melchoney will take root in your heart. I choose faith that God will show you trust and not fear that you will never know how sure it is. I choose faith that God will hedge you in and protect you from the enemy who is a thief. I shall not fear.

So be gone forever but it is God Who whispers to my heart and directs my paths. He seems to be telling me to stay your friend and work it out in prayer. You can throw away friends but you cannot throw away a prayer warrior! Too stealth! Too powerful! I may never know the power of prayer here on earth when it comes to saving a soul from danger but when Heaven opens wide the annuals of history, I will trace my prayers and bow in awe of God and His Awesomeness...

Don't get me wrong, I see my talks with God every day that help me through and I am brought low. But when it comes to prayer for others, they never let me in to see. I am cursed that way. Like in the Wonderful Life when they prayed for George, I shall see God's Handiwork first hand one day in your life.

Shhh, my mind. Shhh, my heart and soul. Hide away. Hide away.....
always here - waiting for your final 'I'm back' ...,
a keeper

Dear Precious Gift,

I thank my God every time I remember you which is often. I hate to admit how often! In all my prayers for you, I pray for JOY to envade your life. I pray with JOY because of your partnership in the saving gospel. We are believers and that is an language all its own. I am so confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion. What a day of rejoicing that will be on Heaven's shore! It is right for me to feel this way about you since I have you in my heart for you share in God's favor as do I.

This is is my prayer: that your love, joy, faith, and trust may abound more and more in the knowledge and depth of insight of God. Simply that you fall deeper and deeper in love with God so that you may be able to discern what is best and pure so that you are fiercely blameless before your King.

Recalling your dreams and even your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with JOY. Yes JOY, I have been reminded of your sincere faith which you have shared with me. What an inspiration you have been to me! What memories! Loved it all. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God which is consuming and so freeing. Whew! For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. Simply a overflowing joyful abundant everlasting life!!!!

You are a child of the Most High God. You are created and designed by Hands who bare your name. You are a Precious Gift.

always your prayer warrior and this is Holy ground
keeper

found encouragement of same thoughts as Paul in his letters recorded in Philippians 1:3-11 &II Timothy 1:3-9

found him!

I have been googling him to see if anything should come up like a blog. We were going to write together, so just maybe he would create a blog or something. Last month I noticed he wasn't in the online phone book, so I figured he moved. With what little I had to go on, I figured he moved back to the family farm. He didn't want that. Tonight I tried it again.

I found something with his name and something about a house. It wasn't in the same town as he was in before but who knows, lets give it a whirl. Hmm, real estate! It is a house for sale with pictures. Ok, strange. Then I scroll down and there is a picture with his name and contact info if you want to buy the house. The picture kinda looks like him. I pull out his picture. Can't tell for sure for sure. It seems like him. An instant thought came. Check to see if his mobil is the same! Yes!

I sent him a congrats on his new job. In our talks he told me he was a salesman inside. I am so happy for him. I doubt that I will get a response back. So no matter I am taking this as an answered prayer. I have been praying for Joy to hound him like it had tackled me. All I can pray for is what I know. I would tell God that He was all seeing and knew him better than what I could now. I didn't make a specific request but I did want to know how he was doing. God allowed me a peek in and I thank Him for that small answer. I've got a bit more to go on now when I pray him. I still miss him but I've got my prayers and that will have to do. Jehovah Jireh - the Lord provideth.

my wish ...

Dear Loved One,
Rascal Flatts has a nack for really good songs that speak so dear to my heart. It is almost like they took it from my life. I loved 'God bless the Broken Road that led me to you'. It was perfect for us. Our roads were not straight. Mine was very long and lonely, yours was very broken. I saw the bright hope and assurance that it did not matter. Bad was not ours to hold. I am not sure you saw it.

Then when I could not (still cannot) understand why you left, I broke down when I first heard 'What hurts the most'. It made my pain real and not imagined. Sadly, it will probably remain my favorite song of all time.

As time goes by, my journey has taken me through and I might be on the other side. This song 'My Wish' is exactly what I wish for you. I remember your talk about your 40th birthday and about whoever was there with you. I knew I would be there but I did not know you would be gone. The next mile marker is Heaven and with my human eyes it isn't going to be the gushing happy reunion. I will be there watching for you but now behind a golden piller. A smile from the bottom of my heart will be there but a tear will be in my eye. I wish you well. Don't ever be afraid to come back home. And if I have misread everything and you are disgusted with me, please forgive me I did not know what I had done.

I ment everything I put in your card. Please ignore my words but listen .. maybe God granted my birthday prayer for you and His Words affirm you. Happy birthday!
~the crazy yank

by Rascal Flatts
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you’re faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin’ ‘til you find the window
If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you
And the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God’s grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

happy birthday

misses you

Good grief! When I feel like this, I can't seem to get James Blunt's 'Goodbye My Lover' out of my head. It haunts me! Argh! Good my friend...

a feeling like that ...

by gary allen
I stepped out into the blue, felt the wind hit my face
Before my chute opened I felt my heart race
I was fallin', nop‘, that's just fallin'
And off the coast of Australia I dove way down deep
For all that I saw of that Great Barrier Reef
It was nothin', compared to you it was nothin'.

I got lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
All tangled up with you and tryin' to catch my breath
Been chasing that sensation halfway round the world
And lookin' back on what we had
Well, I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that.

Well, I've wound up in some town in Spain
runnin' w/ the bulls
Tryin' to catch another thrill
w/ a thousand other fools
We were runnin', aw, but that's just runnin'
When I started pushin' 30 it started pushin' back
Well, how was I to know till now you'd be
such a hard act to follow. Nothin' seems to follow.

I got lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
All tangled up with you and tryin' to catch my breath
I been chasing that sensation halfway round the world
And lookin' back on what we had
Well, I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that.

It's like flyin' down some back road at midnight
With your eyes closed and the headlights off
Your life been searchin' everywhere
Can't find that feelin' anywhere
You're all I want, now all I want.

Said lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
All tangled up with you and tryin' to catch my breath
I been chasing that sensation halfway round the world
And lookin' back on what we had
Well I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that.

That's right, I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that…

{sighs} EXACTLY ! ! !
misses you... an aussie sensation halfway around the world ... happy birthday you

respect (v)

~ equals love in the man's world!

They rather live alone and unloved than disrespected! (whereas women chose disrespect over being alone and unloved) Their anger is usually how they respond to being disrepected! (women usually respond with crying when feeling unloved)
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
oh dear! Have I disrespected him without realizing it? This is a foreign concept to a woman yet as I chew on it .. not so foreign. Have I not been so frustrated and kept my words to myself because I had enough of people undermining my thoughts and intelligence? To me this is disrespect. So as I have these new eyes I am looking for all those fine line fractures of disrepect. I caught one yesturday as a wife told on her husband for eating raw eggs. I could see in his eyes the spark of anger. I had no idea how to respond. I just kept quiet wondering how to restore the respect in his choice to eat how he eats in order to live healthy. It is a mine field. I look at my learning habits and I tend to ask why a lot. I can see this an issue of disrespect so I am learning to respond with my questions but also learning to give my respect ...