my 15,340 day ...

Dear Heavenly Father,
Of late I have been numbering my days along the lines of noting how in the most alone times of my life, I was not alone. Thank You, Heavenly Father for being there all along. During those elementary years I was learning to obey my parents but ultimately learning to love You. I can see You there smiling upon me as I stood on my faith. Even in those crazy teenage years where I would cry myself to sleep because I was so sad and wondering why You would even create me. What was Your purpose for me? You were listening so quietly but allowing me to discover the importance of valuing others. Then those those lousy self help twenty something years where I kept trying to fix myself, You were waiting to for me to stop and let you God-help me. Then in the thirties where I was choosing the wrong path and yet trying to hold onto You, You were waiting for me to choose You only. Each step of the way, You were there. Even today when I like to take off from work and indulge myself on all things fun, I couldn't and I was scared that it would be another blurring hassle filled day at work. You surprised me again and give me a quiet day where I could catch up. Just what I needed. Thank You that on a special day that was basically ordinary, You cared for me ever so deeply.

As this day has approached, I am more at peace with myself because I am more at peace with You. You gave me the Joy epiphany I so needed and now you are showing me that I do indeed have a very special love story all my own. It doesn't matter that I am single, I've got love! I cannot wait to flesh out Your Passion for me onto paper.

Thank You for Your Gift of Salvation and ultimately Your Presence. I rest most confidently upon You never leaving me nor forsaking me. I am truly blessed.

always Yours,
keeper

His Wing...

My alarm radio popped on and after a hymn, the news blared on about the earthquake and pending tsunami hitting Japan. It's the BIG one. I was reminding myself that it was only Friday and I had to get to work after taking off for a funeral the day before. I reached over to my new bedside bookcase and took "Come Away My Beloved" by Francine J Roberts. I read her chapter 'Stay Beneath My Wing.' Perfect!

"Thus saith the Lord to His people: Shall I create, and shall I not have it in My power to distort? Is it not written that the potter breaketh one vessel that He may shape a new one? Shall I not do likewise? Yea, I shall bring My Will to pass, and man shall know that his will is as a broken straw when pitted against the Almighty.

But My people shall know the protection of their God. Because their heart is stayed upon Jehovah, therefore shall I keep them in My pavilion and shelter them until the calamity be overpassed.

If I removed thee from the scene, ye would have no testimony of My miraculous delivering power. Stay beneath My Wings, and I shall make thee as a tower of strength to which the fearful may run and find safety."

"When though passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee; when though walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be harmed; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. "
Isaiah 43:2

As I began my dialogue with God, I asked if the Hymn would play. Wouldn't you know? "Under His Wings" the hymn played on BBNRadio.org as I hurried to work.

Under His Wings
Under His wings I am safely abiding,
Though the night deepens and tempests are wild,
Still I can trust Him; I know He will keep me,
He has redeemed me, and I am His child.

Refrain

Under His wings, under His wings,
Who from His love can sever?
Under His wings my soul shall abide,
Safely abide forever.

Under His wings, what a refuge in sorrow!
How the heart yearningly turns to His rest!
Often when earth has no balm for my healing,
There I find comfort, and there I am blessed.

Refrain

Under His wings, oh, what precious enjoyment!
There will I hide till lifefs trials are ofer;
Sheltered, protected, no evil can harm me,
Resting in Jesus, Ifm safe evermore.

Refrain

Words: William O. Cushing, 1896.
Music: Ira D. Sankey

My heart is heavy as I hear the tweets from DownUnder. 'Queensland's floods, Victoria's floods, Christchurch earthquake, Japan's earthquake and tsunami with pending nuclear catastrophe just in the matter of three months of 2011. Is the world coming to the end?' Then there is such unrest in the Middle East that set my teeth on edge. Within the church I am hearing the last days are near. It is an unspoken 'Heaven in '11?'

Are you ready? What will it take to convince you that you need Jesus? Is there a lost soul you want to see in Heaven? Is there a dream you want answered yes before He calls you home? Are lost and overwhelmed by everything around you? Have you lost everything? How long are you going to hold on this world with a death grip? How much discontent and turmoil can you take?

Oh, how this world makes you crave and crave without filling. Only Jesus Christ can satisfy our hunger. Come. Ask Him to be your Savior and let Him cover you under His Wing.

"When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm. Selah."
Psalms 75:3

Postscript:
Friday night when I could sit in front of the news and use google earth to pinpoint where our Japanese missionary family were located, I was horrified to see that they lived in Sendai right where the epicenter of this quake happened. This was a big jolt of geography! I am happy to report that the family are ok. That is all I know. My prayer is for thus family to be a light and strength to those around them. I am also praying for the parents of a blogger I know who are missionaries in Japan as well...

worldy vs Godly...

CC:
• A boss who pops off without censer and is a 'huffer'. Everything is a problem and a crisis.
• I gave notice that I might need watch my niece when her baby sister arrives. Due the 18th.
• boss is taking vacation from the 18th - 28th and my job has to done immediately and she is my cover. It cannot wait.
• boss huffed and puffed. Her commit was "let's hope baby comes early.
• I let her ruin my weekend. I do not like confrontation and it always ends badly on me.
• Pastor finished up his "conquered conflict" series Sunday night. I felt that God wanted me to do something to end this conflict quickly and Godly. But shouldn't I just cover in love and forget about it?
• I am a stuffer and I am quiet. I hate confronting or trying to talk to my boss because I don't want to end in tears or say something badly. If I did confront, I would have to do through my personality and no other.

• I used James 1 & 3:17 & 18 to ask for Wisdom.
*** do not doubt. Do not be tossed about by what the world does or deems right***
1. pure
2. peaceable
3. gentle
4. willing to yield
5. full of mercy
6. good fruit
7. without partiality or duplicity (hypocrisy or double standards

Boss,
I know we have a problem with our conflicting schedules. I felt it was the right thing to do to alert you on the possible but not definite need to take off to watch my niece when her baby sister is born. I was asked among others so I highly doubt I will be needed but I won't tell my brother no. I am responsible and extremely aware that my job is timely and must be immediate. I am always thinking things through when I ask off so as not to be a burden or as little burden as possible. I feel that is only right to play fair. If I am asked to take care of my niece, I am sure that I can come in the afternoon to take care of production. I really feel there will be nothing to stress or worry about. Things will work out for family as well as work.

I asked off for Tuesday but will have to change that unfortunately to Thursday because of a funeral I need to attend.

My intention for this note is to be respectful to my family as well as my job and to bring down the stress level.

keeper

results:
She came into my office holding the vacation request and the note I attached and proceeded in a civil tone that I would be training a back up for the next two days and then left my office. I was ok with that and a bit surprised that she didn't bring up my note even though it was in plain sight in her hands. She did spout off to the employee who will cover for me that I couldn't take off because she would be in meetings but took it back.

interesting find:
As I was going through my note with a fine tooth comb, different scenarios came to play and also different reactions that might be said. I began to realize that the world's ways are so saturated all around me. I really had to be on point not to react in a worldly way but also not back down on my position of peaceable respect that God desires. Even Christians will critique you through worldly eyes without even realizing it. Always err on the right side! Keep asking 'is this worldly advise or Godly Wisdom'? Have a tough stance on this. I think you will be blown away how easy you are duped!

I am by no means saying that what I did was right. I still wonder but then I go back to 'no doubts'.... there was no major blood shed, no raised voices, no harboring ill will.... it seemed to work...

James 1: 5-8
But if any of you lacketh wisdom, let him ask of God,
who giveth to all liberally and upbraideth not;
and it shall be given him.
But let him ask in faith, nothing doubting:
for he that doubteth is like the surge of the sea driven by the wind and tossed.
For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord;
a doubleminded man, unstable in all his ways.

James 3:17-18
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure,
then peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated,
full of mercy and good fruits, without variance, without hypocrisy.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace for them that make peace.

side note:
I do have a very challenging boss but she is human and will get frustrated to tears. She is a grandma and like all grandmas likes to talk about her grandchildren. She takes on a tough job that no one else likes to do and is very dedicated to it. She has been at this job for way too many years to count. She gets mad and panicky when her job is threatened just like all of us. I know I could not have put up with this kind of job for that long. That is my honor list for her and I need to say it when there are 'grumblings' about... I must respect her and this is my most exacting part of my job...

Expression of lifestyle freedom…

Have you ever noticed that those who live the gay lifestyle say how freeing it is to not hide it anymore? There are no more secrets, no more closets. I have heard the stories that lead them to this 'freedom' and I cannot help but to feel that they now are duping themselves even more. What lights my fire is this expression of freedom. Let me say it like it really is.

There is a freedom like after huge Thanksgiving meal where you obscenely pigged out and now you let down the zipper of your pants and flop out your spare tire. You feel a relief. You no longer feel restricted as you slip into that food coma bliss.

Then there is anther kind of freedom like after a Thanksgiving meal where you only ate just enough to be happily satisfied. You stopped long before you blow it. Now you have a freedom of playing flag football or in my dream world a bit of slapstick hockey.

Both express a since of freedom but only one is healthy... only one is honest... only one is honorable... only one is genuine...

fill the loss ...

She has lost both of her parents to aids. Her care giver also died and they keep saying that she isn't handling it well. Of course they are always telling me that she is super quiet. Well, I choose her because of her sad eyes and I know all about quiet. It is not something you fix. It is personality and we quiet ones have a lot to give in a deep sturdy steady kind of way. However, her correspondence doesn't match a seventeen year old and it is basically the same thing over and over. I highly doubt she even knows my name.

No matter what, I hold onto the quiet troubled soul and wrap her in prayer. I worry that she won't get what I am trying to say so I tell God to rewrite as it takes flight.

My life is vastly different than hers and I can only draw from my experiences to get down into her shoes.

Dear E,

We had a real cold winter with a lot of snow. The cold and flu season is hitting us hard. As I begin writing this letter to you, I don't feel well. All I want to do is sit in blankets and daydream.

Have you ever daydreamed about people coming into your life to stay awhile - to stay forever but they do not?

I have had two daydreams like that. One in my childhood and one in my adult life. As a child I wanted a best friend. I was a lonely child and found books as good friends since girlfriends would come and go. I struggled to find someone who had my back. They only would hurt me and then leave me.

As an adult I wanted a husband. I thought I found one. We had long talks. We had felt like two misfits but in finding each other, we were no longer misfits. However, he vanished and I didn't know why. This loss left me devastated and crushed. I was a mess. It took six years and on some days still counting to get over this loss.

Loss is uniquely painful and devastating. Your story will differ from mine but loss is loss. You walk around wounded. No one seems to care. Everything is left up to you and it is a wearisome burden.

Because it it was all up to me and I wasn't handling it well, I unclenched my heart and gave the loss to my Heavenly Father who promised never to leave me nor forsake me. I let God fill in all the loss with Himself. I gave my festering wounds to Jesus Christ who was wounded and pierced for all my sins. He is Healer of wounds. I still have scars and at times they ache a little but they are proof of healing. The precious and mind-blowing thought is that Jesus Christ still bears the scars on His hands, feet and His side from this wounds from my sin.

It takes time to heal but I have abundant joy and when I feel the loss come on, I talk back God's Word. It is about not letting the evil one tear you down.

Have you dreamed of people staying awhile in your life and they have let you down? Are you crushed? Will you keep your heart shut up tight or will you let go and let God carry the burden? Hard choices but you will find peace.

Often when I feel the old ache coming on and then I get busy thanking God for never leaving nor forsaking me. When I have fallen asleep, the tears are not hot nor angry. Rather the tears are of great joy. I want this for you. You are precious in my eyes but more importantly you are precious in God's eyes.

As I am finishing up this letter, I am getting over my nasty cold and feeling much better.

E, keep reading God's Word. Keep seeking Him! He will meet you there.

Always,
keeper

Psalms 62:1&2
My soul finds rest in God alone;
my Salvation comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my Salvation;
He is my Fortress, I will never be shaken.

Deuteronomy 31:1
The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”