He tells me I am His own...

A hot shower wakes up my brain but sadness lingers in my soul. Songs and hymns have always chased darkness away allowing Light to enter. A split second ticks ♪ "and He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own" ♪. How perfect!

I have Someone Who walks with me. I'm not alone! I have Someone Who talks with me. He knows my thoughts and isn't afraid! He tells me what to do even if it is to wait. I belong to to Someone. This misfit isn't an outcast! I had to pour out my gratitude to my Heavenly Father.

Dearest Heavenly Father,
This is where I struggle most.  I desire at the very least a mental soul partnership yet I am a loner.  I can't stand herds or going with the in crowd but I crave that one on one connection.  I was a melancholy until I realized that my voice needed to sing.  You brought someone into my life yet as he roves I am here alone with You.  Thank You for walking with me on my journey.  Thank You for listening and speaking.  You are comfort and peace to a heavy withering old soul.  Thank You for creating me even if everything I am doesn't fit that well.  There is a reason and a purpose for my life.  Thank You for keeping me.  You are the Great Keeper and Lover of my heart and soul.   Thank You for this blog.  I often meet You here as my thoughts form and fly out through my fingers.  Your Ways are secret and higher than mine.  I long to stop striving!  I long to simply and peacefully rest in YOUR ALMIGHTY ARMS!!!!
always Yours,
little keeper

too much ...?

"Sometimes we expect more from others 
because we would be willing to do that much for them."

I do jump in for all its worth and express profusely like a painter in a mad frenzy with colors flying in amazing array to get this astounding vision from mind to canvas.  I find the only reason to jump is because I am moved from deep within my heart and soul.  I am a sensitive and an unique.  I feel acutely.  I see with wild abandon.  I know where I am not wanted and most of the time I know not to throw my pearls in with the pigs.

But what do you do with those special people that the connection is strong and you give everything you got but they cannot do the same back?  It is like they are dancing on my wound and it hurts like sharp knives in my heart.  Do I change that part of me that keeps and cherishes with childlike wonder?  Do I stop expressing with childlike abandon?  Oh no, I don't.  One cannot change what the Creator has created unique and beautiful nor do I want to.  I have done that before and won't do that again.

If they cannot give the same back to me, do I see it as their handicap?  Expectations would be low.  Whatever they could offer, I would enjoy and keep.  They are just locked up.  See, I could just wrap this special person in a box and wrap a bow up all neat and orderly.  I know if I could do that it wouldn't hurt so much!  However, I long for him to be free of all that is making him run.  {Sigh}

I know I must trust and obey God.  I must love one another.  I must wait quietly.  I must be faithful in this relationship.  If Joseph of the OT could be faithful in all of his relationships surely I can to.  I must honor God's staging.  There are great things to come.  Wasn't it an answered prayer when this special someone came back into my life?  I thought sure I would never know until I reached Heaven's shore.  But my mind ponders what God is planning but that isn't my job!

Too much?  Sadly, I still have no answer for that.  No, I do have an answer.  I will express.  I will be wait quietly.   I will pray.  I will create with wild abandon!  I will feverish write here in this sacred place.  Maybe I won't scare him off with my crazy brain overload but then again I just might have already.  Yikes!

The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord;

He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases.

~ Proverbs 21:1 ~


This is what the Sovereign Lord,
the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance & rest
is your salvation,
in quietness & trust is your strength..."
~ Isaiah 30:15 ~

on the road ...

She left! My Aunt has left for AZ all by herself to start her life again. Her actions have left me feeling kinda I don't know what. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving. I guess because it is a chance to gather family near.

I made up a travel pack of things she might have forgotten to pack and sent a note with good journey verses and the lullaby hymn "God Will Take Care of You." My way of lovetouching her. (sighs ... )

By the way the auction wasn't so good.

28 yrs with, one month without ...

'I am going planning on a big creative weekend.'
He is a writer in waiting with dreams of finding someone to publish his written pieces. With Thanksgiving next Thursday it will give him a nice long weekend to do what he wants.

'Any suggestions on movies? Something that my brother will like .. We do have the same tastes.'
I gave him my faves.

'Have you been writing other than your blog like that book you were talking about?'
I told him that lately I am thinking that I am going to change the focus of that book into one about survival because I have been in a reckless mood of late. Survival perked his ears.

'I am going to make baby steps to get out and do stuff without the kids like going the movies with my bro and taking in a basketball game by myself. Hurry up and finish that book. I need it. Last week the one night I just sat there feeling very lonely.'
He is newly divorced. I told him hey, I have 37 years of lonely and I still struggle. The book
would be a girl's perspective and I don't know how it would translate out for a guy. What really hit me from this conversation was that when he admitted he was lonely, his voice went softer... aw man, another 'lonely'! =(

side note -
I wonder if he will totally be turned off by women for the rest of his
days like the other guy I came to know. Oh, how we torture and eat our
own kind!

getting along with others...

There is a clause in the hiring process at the place I work. It goes like this

‘An "Employment at Will" relationship exists between us and our employees, with both parties having the right to terminate the employment relationship at any time, for any reason, with or without cause or notice.’

I never liked this clause but not sure why until I have seen the powers that be use it upon us employees. The HR boss decided to terminate her HR underling because their personalities did not mesh. I find this deplorable. Being the receptionist I am working closely with both parties. The underling was very professional and worked hard for the employees. I do know that the underling saw things that were not right. So when told that there were personality issues, she could stay for two weeks or leave now… of course you are going to leave now.

What really gets me is that the underlings are expected to really work hard at getting along with others, but with this clause it allows the powers to cop out and be lazy in how they work with people. Dougle standard. What a shame.