the bride's veil ...

Have you ever wondered about "& the government shall rest on His Shoulders"? (Isaiah 9:8)  I may have had some wonder but I am living in an age of really bad governments.  Governments that war against its people.  Governments that war with other governments.  Governments that sell off morals and liberties.  Governments that distort truth and freedoms.  So at face value I am glad that the government rest on Jesus's shoulders. He has the last Word.

Pastor Stephen Davey has such a God-given gift of wisdom and knowledge and I love his An Indescribable Gift message where he colors in Isaiah's full picture of the government resting on His Shoulders.

"When the year of Kiddushin was over, the groom would begin a noisy procession to the bride's home.  ... After arriving at the bride's home, the two of them would then begin the walk back to the groom's home ... during that walk, at some point in the brief journey the bride would remove the veil from her face and lay it upon the groom's shoulder, and the crowd would chant a song that included the words 'her authority is upon his shoulder.'  Her life is upon his shoulder: the government of her life was now upon his shoulder.  Obviously this reference includes the sovereign rule of Christ over all the governments of the world, but what is lost is the imagery of a husband who loves his wife and bears the responsibility to care for her, and she finds security and rest in his authority and provision. That is the picture Isaiah is drawing!" (from Davey's message)

As a woman a veil over the face is a covering of safety.  In today's terms I see it like a pair of sunglasses.  Every spring I go for my Saturday sun walks.  I am not the most confident and have to do a lot of cheering myself out there.  Putting on a pair of sunnies help in my little mind that there is a layer of protection between me and others.  If they can't see my eyes, they can't see me.  Yes, I know crazy notion but it gets me out there walking!  So if I lay that protection on the shoulder of my husband, it means that I am allowing my husband to see my vulnerability and allowing his strength to shield and protect me.

"He's coming for you, and upon His broad, omnipotent shoulder you can, as His bride, lay your veil, as you surrender to His authority and His care and His provision.  We say to Jesus Christ: "the authority of my life is upon your shoulder.  My trust for care and provision is upon your shoulder."  We cannot fully describe Him, but we can fully surrender to Him. And as you place the veil of your dreams and your wishes and your will upon His shoulder..." (from Davey's message)

I love that I can lay all upon Jesus's shoulders.  I seek safety.  I want to be protected.  I don't want to be out there on the stage of life all by myself.  Gladly, I have a Husbandman that is my Shield and Defender.  And what broad strong shoulder He has.

It also means that I allow Jesus to govern me.  I must follow His Lead.  I am quite alright with that.  I am human.  I make mistakes.  I run empty of Joy and Love and Thanksgiving and Strength.... etc.  He never runs low.  His resources are rich and plentiful.  He wants me to take His Resources and to use.

I think in pictures and word-pictures and this masterpiece is one I shall cherish and remember and walk more uprightly in this rich abundant life Jesus has given me.

 

Elections 2012

Help, Lord, for the godly are no more;
the faithful have vanished from among men.

Everyone lies to his neighbor;
their flattering lips speak with deception.

May the Lord cut off all flattering lips
and every boastful tongue that says, “We will triumph with our tongues;
we own our lips—who is our master?”

“Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy,
I will now arise,” says the Lord.
“I will protect them from those who malign them.”

And the Words of the Lord are flawless,
like silver refined in a furnace of clay,
purified seven times.

O Lord, You will keep us safe
and protect us from such people forever.

The wicked freely strut about
when what is vile is honored among men. ~Psalm 12:1-8

I was listening to this passage being read and I have stopped to go over it repeatedly and meditatively This is America. This is the world. …

Where are God's faithful? Where is the salt? Where is the light? Am I making a difference in my world? Am I doing my part and keeping America from the burning sulfur? Oh, how I feel the heat on the back of my neck and the sulfur stench burns my tender nose.…

Having a liberal minded orator spew his jargon promoting moral decline and calling it part of the civil rights. Let's call it the truth. Live without self control. Live to your flesh. It is your choice. Lies all lies.

To live as you choose, to live your life outside the box and splatter all over, to have no rules is to live with your fist against God and against your fellowman. If throughout time we had one man and one woman marriages without divorce or same sex connections, there would be no sexual disease. In fact our families would be stronger and in turn our country and then our world. Honoring God in every part of our life is far more important than having superpower status.

We are a needy people but why would God save us a defiant people and bent on doing it our way?

O Lord, You will keep us safe
and protect us from such people forever.

The wicked freely strut about
when what is vile is honored among men. ~Psalm 12:1-8

investment vs. ball and chain...

No, I am not talking marriage here!  Marriage should never be associated with such confinement but rather should be home, a safe place.  Talking about a home and I hate to admit it but buying a home is a ball and chain.  I just don't see it any other way.

I didn't always feel like that.  My little girl dreams always had a home.  It just was a matter of fact.  That is what adults do.  They have a family and a family home.  They had a patch of land and of course, a picket fence.  Don't forget the pups.

Whoa!  My life hasn't ended up that way.  I have a single life and lifestyle.  I have just gotten to a place where I feel the money is just right.  I'm not scraping the barrel.  The groceries and the gas has gone up and yet I feel that for the most part that I can get by ok.  Yet with the rumors and the uneasiness out there, it is nice to have a cushion.  I feel like I have that.  Yes, I like to shop and my weekly shopping excursions are my only dependable social entertainment.  Of course, I not afraid to spend even though I do pretty well at pinching pennies.  I have this new feeling of being able to give money to God above and beyond my tithe.  I like this feeling a lot.  I don't want to go back.  I can't go back.

I am also feeling that Jesus is coming back soon.  Do I really need a house?  Why sock money into a house when that money could have a better use.  But then again, I don't know the time.  This world could have a few more spins around the dial even though there is a lot of shaking and rattling.  It just isn't the waters and earth giving way but governments, housing, gas, and the economies.  No body or country is immune.

I may be hitting the mid life crisis zone but I look young and feeeeeeeeeeeeel like a little girl.  Buying a house all by my lonesome is sooooooo out of my league!  I admit I am a shy one maybe not so much in my writing, but have a quiet personality and it suits me just right.  It is what makes me a goooood listener but when I have something to say aloud, I'm usually not heard or they put their own spin on what they think I am or on what I say.  I may be a first born and forge ahead on my own leaving the herds behind, but I have this strong wingman trait and it does NOT like to be a sole pilot in such huge endeavors.  Help!  This is way too much for me.

Like I said I am single and if I set down roots in brick and mortar then there are no more dreams of wings.  I have friends to the west and a couple of friends in other countries.  It would be cool to go see them if I could muster up strength in my wings.  I do admit that making a home out of a house is a dream too.  I love house magazines and blogs for color schemes, storage ideas, and layouts.  Having it become a reality is a bit scary.  I will have to make a go on my ideas and supposed talent.  I know I could never have a dream house, the house must it meet it in a general sense because this house will have to do until the end of my days.

Things have been getting a bit dicey  here in my apartment building.  Had a bad neighbor in December and things were getting bad.  I also deal with cigarette smoke getting into my home and I am allergic to it.  Then the apartment dweller below like to leave his bathroom fan on for weeks at a time and I can't stand unnecessary noise.  Besides being a crafter makes my little dwelling even smaller.  It would be nice to stretch out a bit.

My coworker who has been searching for house herself found me a house she thinks has my name all over it.  Argh!  So far she is right!  It is a condo with a garage.  It has a place for a library!!! Something I have dreamed about.  The basement is finished so it would take the place of having a cute upper floor.  I could see a craft room downstairs.  What topped it off because it was unexpected but right down my alley was the flag pole out front.

I need to get my brain and heart under the Great Shepherd's care.  The future can keep.  I must trade in the fear for trust and obedience.  God has proven Himself.  He has never forsaken me.  Not only has He been there in the little everyday things but He helped my parents with their house and He answered a big prayer of mine.  I cannot forget these answered prayers not only because they were huge but also because they are small and everyday.  He has been the Partner and the Pilot and I have been treating Him as such.  I bring things to Him.  I need to let Him drive this adventure and I just relax and go for the ride.  If I push or even if I pull (can't believe I just said pull but it is true - I can't pull back), I would usurp God's hold on my life.

Keep me safe, O God,

for in You I take refuge.

I said to the Lord,

"You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing."

~ Psalms 16: 1&2

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am going to share with my parents my feelings so that they know my fears but I will also show my Dad the link to that condo.  Most importantly You know my fears and dreams.  You know my personality and You know what I can handle.  This house might not even by mine.  You will be there in pain and in 

happiness.  Your Presence is fullness of JOY.  I must stay in Your Arms.  I am here for the ride.  I am putting in place Your Words to keep my mind stayed on You.  Thank You for keeping me.
always,
keeper

Heavenly Snow in Heaven ...

sandboy: Looks soooooooooooo cold. I have to feel it before the Lord comes!! Might not be snow in heaven????


snowgirl: You are probably right about there not being snow in Heaven so you better start making plans. 

 But I have a couple wild thoughts - you know my speciality - where I see things from different sides.

 Maybe there will be snow because God describes our hearts that are cleaned through the blood of Christ as white as snow. When you you go through the dark rainy muddy days of November and see the world transform into a winter wonderland, you gave a new take on beauty.

 Another thought that is really out there is that yes, we will know things but when we get to Heaven, I think we will get to discover more and more about God. What better why to Praise God than to get excited about learning more and more about Him. If I can't continue this discovery that I so enjoy here on earth, I'm afraid that Heaven would be a bit boring and God wouldn't have that! So what does this discovery look like? God has this huge library of HIStory. Not only is it full of books for the book lovers but it is out this world state of the art multimedia room. Better than anything Apple could dream up. You know how people describe it as a tapestry and we only see one side of it … well, I think we will get to see how God wove everything together but better yet I think we can step into that HIStory and experience how all the intricate details came together. Mind blowing!!!!! I can't wait!!!!!!! We will be able to see our part of HIStory but others too and how God worked all things together. Like Abe Lincoln or King David or Queen Esther etc. So why not experience the creation of things He created like snow. Again I think enjoying the snow like walking in it or throwing a few snowballs or making snow angels or snowmen or stuffing snow playfully down the neck of a loved one is enjoying God.

 I know that it is more likely that the new earth will be like it was before the flood but this girl has some wild thoughts and can't wait to see how He will reveal Himself to us.


sandboy:  I think you are right to assume there will be exciting days with our Lord; experiencing Him dwelling in us as One. And I think there are excitingly interesting things to do and see when we go to be with Him.

He is a creator. No; better; He is the Creator of creators. So I think it's fairly safe to say He will go on creating; it's His nature and character to create.   What wonderful things will He create, and what wonderful things will we create with Him? 

Wondrous times ahead indeed!!

As a side thought, if He is revealed in creation, and Creation is an expression of Him (Rom 1:20), and He has no end, then does it suggest that there will be no end to Him expressing Himself, and so no end to His creating?

Call Upon Me

I am quite frustrated that the NYC mayor has decided to keep all religions out the 911 10th Anniversary Reflection Memorial. I do not mind all the religions part but the ultimate COST is the taking out of God and having a personal relationship with the Almighty in a great time of need.

Who better than God to call on when fire and destruction are licking at your heels? Why take Him out of the equation when He still can be found? What a disservice to our founding fathers and those who ran through the man made fire and hell here on earth and straight into the Mighty Arms of God because they had a personal relationship with the God of Salvation?

"For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You." Psalm 86:5

"Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.h Psalm 50:15

"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth." Psalm 145:18

"As for me, I will call upon God, And the Lord shall save me." Psalm 55:16

"Because He has inclined His ear to me, Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live." Psalm 116:2

"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him." Psalm 91:15

"Seek the Lord while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near." Isaiah 55:6

What a sad day it is when we remember the tragic day but refuse to remember the God Most High with our trust and obedience.

"The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." Psalm 9:9&10

presence ...

"Thy Presence is fullness of Joy."

When that special someone walks into the room, you feel like your insides are inside out beaming.  A twinkle flashes in your eyes.  A smile rests upon your lips.  After the flutter a peaceful calm overtakes your beating heart.  Everything is alright.

When the presence is gone for awhile, you begin to wilt and fade.  Life is harder.  Choices make no sense.  The feet begin to drag.  The eyes begin to weep.  

Today I knew that work was going to be a bit crazy and for some reason I am feeling a bit soft.  I think it is the stage of life I am going through and the allergies I am trying to get through this hot miserable summer make me extra tired and frustrated.  I am doing pretty good yet I feel a fragile crack could surface.  

I have a special someone that makes me feel full and 'purry' (made up word!) like a cat with a tummy full of milk.  I like the hearing him laugh through the email.  I enjoy him.  I love his presence.  He is a bit out of pocket at the moment but I don't want that add to the drag I am feeling.

I kept whispering "Thy Presence is fullness of JOY" ~ Psalms 16:11.  I needed God today.  At nighttime I feel His Comfort when I remember that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  I will curl up under the covers and fall asleep assured of His Faithfulness every night. ~ Psalms 92:2  That is good for evening but I wanted to feel that glow of LovingKindness come walking through the door.  I want that Hello and that Hand in my hand.  I want His Mighty Arms around me.  That is why I am so thankful for the Most High.  Morning and evening He is Ever near.  I need to remember to greet Him with open arms every morning and pull Him close every evening.  

Thank You for loving me and keeping me, oh My Savior!

It is good to give thanks to the Lord,

and to sing praises to Your Name, O Most High;

To declare Your LovingKindness in the morning,

and Your Faithfulness every night.

~ Psalms 92:1&2


You have made known to me the path of life;
You will fill me with JOY in Your Presence,
with Eternal Pleasures at Your Right Hand.
~Psalms 16:11

as for me ...

When he has been gone for six years and suddenly pops back in your life and forgiveness happens and things are back to normal ... well, normal as in the connection is still there but also the normal of his absence began to accumulate - three weeks to be exact!  {takes in deep breath} No! I wasn't going to go there. I wasn't going to go ballistic but it didn't mean that my feelings weren't a bit raw.  

God answered my prayer in six years when I had expected to find out in Heaven.  What if God gave me my answer to take it back again?  Would I be ok?  Well, I would have to be after an answered prayer that rocked my world.  So... now what?  

I decided I would wait until four weeks had gone by all the while asking God deal with him.  I didn't have to wait that long before I found out from him that some changes where happening in his life and there would be some wait times and maybe longer wait times than the 3 weeks.  Here again it was God working the plans out so that I wouldn't go crazy.  And just like that it zapped my frazzled heart into a calming stillness. 

So this girl is just going to take this really cool friendship in stride.  This guy will have to lead; I refuse too.  But there isn't just two sides to this relationship.  God is the third part and because He has been soooo gooood to me with this relationship, I am at rest and it feels so good.  I know me and there will still be anxious moments but I know how to stop it. 

But as for me,

it is good to be near God.

I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;

      I will tell of Your Deeds.

Psalms 73:28

As for me I chose to love one another and I will keep choosing to love one another  .... 

too much ...?

"Sometimes we expect more from others 
because we would be willing to do that much for them."

I do jump in for all its worth and express profusely like a painter in a mad frenzy with colors flying in amazing array to get this astounding vision from mind to canvas.  I find the only reason to jump is because I am moved from deep within my heart and soul.  I am a sensitive and an unique.  I feel acutely.  I see with wild abandon.  I know where I am not wanted and most of the time I know not to throw my pearls in with the pigs.

But what do you do with those special people that the connection is strong and you give everything you got but they cannot do the same back?  It is like they are dancing on my wound and it hurts like sharp knives in my heart.  Do I change that part of me that keeps and cherishes with childlike wonder?  Do I stop expressing with childlike abandon?  Oh no, I don't.  One cannot change what the Creator has created unique and beautiful nor do I want to.  I have done that before and won't do that again.

If they cannot give the same back to me, do I see it as their handicap?  Expectations would be low.  Whatever they could offer, I would enjoy and keep.  They are just locked up.  See, I could just wrap this special person in a box and wrap a bow up all neat and orderly.  I know if I could do that it wouldn't hurt so much!  However, I long for him to be free of all that is making him run.  {Sigh}

I know I must trust and obey God.  I must love one another.  I must wait quietly.  I must be faithful in this relationship.  If Joseph of the OT could be faithful in all of his relationships surely I can to.  I must honor God's staging.  There are great things to come.  Wasn't it an answered prayer when this special someone came back into my life?  I thought sure I would never know until I reached Heaven's shore.  But my mind ponders what God is planning but that isn't my job!

Too much?  Sadly, I still have no answer for that.  No, I do have an answer.  I will express.  I will be wait quietly.   I will pray.  I will create with wild abandon!  I will feverish write here in this sacred place.  Maybe I won't scare him off with my crazy brain overload but then again I just might have already.  Yikes!

The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord;

He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases.

~ Proverbs 21:1 ~


This is what the Sovereign Lord,
the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance & rest
is your salvation,
in quietness & trust is your strength..."
~ Isaiah 30:15 ~

burden or blessing...

Have you ever felt that you were more of a burden than a blessing?  Where the words 'I am not a very good friend, and I don't know to what capacity I'm able to be a friend to you' come back to haunt you in the dark places of your mind?  Where you are just a time slot penciled in a spot that may just fill up at the last minute and because you have no priority status all that is left of 'you' is a grey pencil smear in an appointment page long tossed out? Have you ever just felt so tired of your heart breaking in a millions pieces that there is no more heart to care and all you want is to feel happy again but then why hope?  And if you are sooooo tired soooo sick of being tired, won't you do something extremely drastic enough that might mean an end to the friendship you so very much want to keep?

Why is it that I want this friendship so bad?  Why is it that with all the busyness that I have added to my life to stave off the wolves of loneliness will I add this friendship to priority status and not even think of it as another thing I have to do?  Momma always said 'you will do something about the things that are important to you' and I will hold to that like a dog with his favorite bone.  Yet, I feel that tired coming on.  It is like a numbness seeping in the edges of my heart and threatening to stop it cold.  That is frightening...

All I could do was make an inaudible whisper to my Heavenly Father for strength and shelter.  Like always He comes through.  Today it was a song I heard twice and I whispered a Thank YOU.

No One Ever Cared Like Jesus 
I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus,
Since I found in Him a friend so strong and true.
I would tell you how
He changed my life completely;
He did something no other friend could do.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.

All my life was full of sin when Jesus found me;
All my heart was full of misery and woe,
Jesus placed His strong arms about me
And He led me in the way I ought to go.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.
Ev'ry day He comes to me with new assurance;
More and more I understand His word of love.
But I'll never know just why He came to save me,
Till someday I see His blessed face above.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.  
~Lyrics and Composer: Charles Frederick Weigle, 1932

His Wing...

My alarm radio popped on and after a hymn, the news blared on about the earthquake and pending tsunami hitting Japan. It's the BIG one. I was reminding myself that it was only Friday and I had to get to work after taking off for a funeral the day before. I reached over to my new bedside bookcase and took "Come Away My Beloved" by Francine J Roberts. I read her chapter 'Stay Beneath My Wing.' Perfect!

"Thus saith the Lord to His people: Shall I create, and shall I not have it in My power to distort? Is it not written that the potter breaketh one vessel that He may shape a new one? Shall I not do likewise? Yea, I shall bring My Will to pass, and man shall know that his will is as a broken straw when pitted against the Almighty.

But My people shall know the protection of their God. Because their heart is stayed upon Jehovah, therefore shall I keep them in My pavilion and shelter them until the calamity be overpassed.

If I removed thee from the scene, ye would have no testimony of My miraculous delivering power. Stay beneath My Wings, and I shall make thee as a tower of strength to which the fearful may run and find safety."

"When though passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee; when though walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be harmed; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. "
Isaiah 43:2

As I began my dialogue with God, I asked if the Hymn would play. Wouldn't you know? "Under His Wings" the hymn played on BBNRadio.org as I hurried to work.

Under His Wings
Under His wings I am safely abiding,
Though the night deepens and tempests are wild,
Still I can trust Him; I know He will keep me,
He has redeemed me, and I am His child.

Refrain

Under His wings, under His wings,
Who from His love can sever?
Under His wings my soul shall abide,
Safely abide forever.

Under His wings, what a refuge in sorrow!
How the heart yearningly turns to His rest!
Often when earth has no balm for my healing,
There I find comfort, and there I am blessed.

Refrain

Under His wings, oh, what precious enjoyment!
There will I hide till lifefs trials are ofer;
Sheltered, protected, no evil can harm me,
Resting in Jesus, Ifm safe evermore.

Refrain

Words: William O. Cushing, 1896.
Music: Ira D. Sankey

My heart is heavy as I hear the tweets from DownUnder. 'Queensland's floods, Victoria's floods, Christchurch earthquake, Japan's earthquake and tsunami with pending nuclear catastrophe just in the matter of three months of 2011. Is the world coming to the end?' Then there is such unrest in the Middle East that set my teeth on edge. Within the church I am hearing the last days are near. It is an unspoken 'Heaven in '11?'

Are you ready? What will it take to convince you that you need Jesus? Is there a lost soul you want to see in Heaven? Is there a dream you want answered yes before He calls you home? Are lost and overwhelmed by everything around you? Have you lost everything? How long are you going to hold on this world with a death grip? How much discontent and turmoil can you take?

Oh, how this world makes you crave and crave without filling. Only Jesus Christ can satisfy our hunger. Come. Ask Him to be your Savior and let Him cover you under His Wing.

"When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm. Selah."
Psalms 75:3

Postscript:
Friday night when I could sit in front of the news and use google earth to pinpoint where our Japanese missionary family were located, I was horrified to see that they lived in Sendai right where the epicenter of this quake happened. This was a big jolt of geography! I am happy to report that the family are ok. That is all I know. My prayer is for thus family to be a light and strength to those around them. I am also praying for the parents of a blogger I know who are missionaries in Japan as well...

fill the loss ...

She has lost both of her parents to aids. Her care giver also died and they keep saying that she isn't handling it well. Of course they are always telling me that she is super quiet. Well, I choose her because of her sad eyes and I know all about quiet. It is not something you fix. It is personality and we quiet ones have a lot to give in a deep sturdy steady kind of way. However, her correspondence doesn't match a seventeen year old and it is basically the same thing over and over. I highly doubt she even knows my name.

No matter what, I hold onto the quiet troubled soul and wrap her in prayer. I worry that she won't get what I am trying to say so I tell God to rewrite as it takes flight.

My life is vastly different than hers and I can only draw from my experiences to get down into her shoes.

Dear E,

We had a real cold winter with a lot of snow. The cold and flu season is hitting us hard. As I begin writing this letter to you, I don't feel well. All I want to do is sit in blankets and daydream.

Have you ever daydreamed about people coming into your life to stay awhile - to stay forever but they do not?

I have had two daydreams like that. One in my childhood and one in my adult life. As a child I wanted a best friend. I was a lonely child and found books as good friends since girlfriends would come and go. I struggled to find someone who had my back. They only would hurt me and then leave me.

As an adult I wanted a husband. I thought I found one. We had long talks. We had felt like two misfits but in finding each other, we were no longer misfits. However, he vanished and I didn't know why. This loss left me devastated and crushed. I was a mess. It took six years and on some days still counting to get over this loss.

Loss is uniquely painful and devastating. Your story will differ from mine but loss is loss. You walk around wounded. No one seems to care. Everything is left up to you and it is a wearisome burden.

Because it it was all up to me and I wasn't handling it well, I unclenched my heart and gave the loss to my Heavenly Father who promised never to leave me nor forsake me. I let God fill in all the loss with Himself. I gave my festering wounds to Jesus Christ who was wounded and pierced for all my sins. He is Healer of wounds. I still have scars and at times they ache a little but they are proof of healing. The precious and mind-blowing thought is that Jesus Christ still bears the scars on His hands, feet and His side from this wounds from my sin.

It takes time to heal but I have abundant joy and when I feel the loss come on, I talk back God's Word. It is about not letting the evil one tear you down.

Have you dreamed of people staying awhile in your life and they have let you down? Are you crushed? Will you keep your heart shut up tight or will you let go and let God carry the burden? Hard choices but you will find peace.

Often when I feel the old ache coming on and then I get busy thanking God for never leaving nor forsaking me. When I have fallen asleep, the tears are not hot nor angry. Rather the tears are of great joy. I want this for you. You are precious in my eyes but more importantly you are precious in God's eyes.

As I am finishing up this letter, I am getting over my nasty cold and feeling much better.

E, keep reading God's Word. Keep seeking Him! He will meet you there.

Always,
keeper

Psalms 62:1&2
My soul finds rest in God alone;
my Salvation comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my Salvation;
He is my Fortress, I will never be shaken.

Deuteronomy 31:1
The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

He has not abhorred the afflicted ...

When I struggle with the stuff of life, I like to find something from God's word to hold onto. Last year it had been cancer and five days into the new year a co-worker died from leukemia. This one was different because I don't know where she will be for eternity.

My thoughts were troubled as I heard the country pastor give the plan of salvation at her funeral and I wondered how many ears where closed. My heart harbors a hope for a co-worker to know my Savior.

I have seen the ravages of cancer plague human body. I can't help but see this short lived affliction as a small taste of hell with its long term torment of body, mind, heart, and soul. This alone would drive me to my Savior but to most this is just a silly notion.

Getting back to finding Scripture to carry in my heart, I usually pause when I find a crying out from misery and suffering like what you find in Job and the Psalms. I was reading Psalms 22 on Kindle where it is a fresh copy with no personal notes to remind me of past gleanings. Here was a horrific lament to the Heavenly Father. What torture did this poor soul went through at the hands of mere men. I could see cancer here in a human form. However, I was stopped in a silent gasp as I read that this was my Jesus that was crying out. What peace I know as Jesus has traveled here. If He went through all of this while His Heavenly Father looked away because He carried my ugly sin, I can carry this Scripture close and walk hand in hand with the Nail Pierced One knowing that this can't take me from Him. I want others to know this Great Love too.

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; Do not be discouraged."
~ Deut. 31:8

Are you feeling it? You want it? You can.

strengthen by Him ...

Another believer died last Friday morning from pancreatic cancer. She is a wife and grandmother. Her husband is a big man but this is rocking him to the core. His tummy jiggles as the tears well up and his lip quivers. I have been praying hard that he finds Jesus Christ as the reason to get out of bed each day....

I am going back to II Timothy 4 for more encouragement. "At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that is may not be laid to their charge. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that the message might be preached fully through me, and that all the Gentiles might hear. Also I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His Heavenly Kingdom. To Him be Glory forever and ever. Amen!" (verses 16-18) I saw this through one sick in bed but as these dear loved ones go into the Arms of Jesus, you have to see these verses through the ones left behind. If they can go on with the hearts ripped out but stand strengthened by the Great Comforter, what a message is being preached through the their songs over the storms.

I have been focusing a lot on cancer and carry through it. I am wore out. I have found myself thanking the Lord for the best gift ever - everlasting life. I am sooooo grateful that I have a God who loves me and will never leave me at my defenses. God stands with me and strengthens me!!!!! Now that is pretty AWESOME!

a Race or a Battle?

How to die from cancer or some prolonged death has been twirling around in my mind of late. (My prayer list has too many with cancer...) It is often said 'I am going to beat this thing' or 'She lost her battle with cancer.' As a believer I shutter at these words and I began to question why this wasn't sitting right with me.

In Ephesians 6:10-18 it tells us to put on the full armor of God. Why? To make a stand against the devil's schemes. This is the battle not cancer. The battle is about good vs. evil. Everlasting Life vs. everlasting death. It about keeping our faith sure and strong. No wavering. For our battle is not against flesh and blood! Doesn't this mean our battle is not against sickness or death? Cancer is a beast and so very unforgiving. We feeble humans fight cancer with poison! How whacked out is that? I just want rip at my heart and scream on the top of lungs... that is how much I feel about this.

I always need a picture to deal with life's hardships and how I am to behave as a believer. So if cancer isn't the battle what is it? and how do I deal with it victoriously? I see it like in II Timothy 4:6-8. Cancer should be a race. Well, to clarify it even more, life is a race. Cancer would be a bend or the steep incline or a chapter in the race. It is not how fast but it about the endurance. It is seeing yourself running and there in the stands are others who have endure the what you have gone through. There are family members and friends who are praying for you and holding you before God. These are the witnesses like Isaiah 43:12 talks about. ("You are My witnesses," declares the Lord "that I AM God.") I like looking up into those stands because others have endured bring Glory to God and so can I. I also have ones that are coming behind me. I must be a good witness for them. (I use this in my singleness too.) I don't focus on the stands rather that is in side vision because my focus is on the finish line where my Lord and Master is waiting with outstretched BARE Arms to welcome me. Ah, what a bear hug that will be. I smile and if there are tears it is tears of JOY. Yes, I sorrow because I am stuck here with all those human feelings of loss but I have the promise of EVERLASTING LIFE. I am all good!!!!

Paul says "For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the Crown of Righteous, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will reward to me on that day- and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His Appearing." ~II Timothy 4:6-8 AMEN!!!!

We have two frontlines as a believer. The battle of faith and the race of life. I feel we must keep a clear perspective of both and not mix up the sickness as the battle. Our battle is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil .... anything that would rob us of living purely and strongly for God.

No matter what you think or even if you think a bit off my rocker, the battle is the Lord's and He is the Strong Man. Here is another picture I love... 'How can anyone enter a strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can rob his house. He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters.' Matt 12:29-30 See Jesus Christ is my Strong Man. I send Him to the door. I know I am safe with Him..... I will not be tied up. I will run free straight into His Arms. Praise Yahweh.....

books & plants = {God Hug}

September the 4th was a perfect fall day like the ones you find in early October. The sky was a beautiful cornflower blue with fluffy white clouds that hung low enough that you felt you could actually touch them if you jumped really high. The fields of corn was already turning that dry harvest yellow way too soon from the super hot dry summer. The sun was bright. There was a slight breeze. We were traveling from home to the my college town for a funeral of a woman just eight years older than me. She belongs in my childhood memory. I remember her and her sisters and the farm house they lived in and their black and white bull dogs, Moses and Sarah. It is a good memory. I just learned of her dominion two weeks prior - her husband, her kids. I knew her race was completed and she was in the Arms of Jesus. Her wasting way had turned into a renewed beauty in total reflection of her Creator. Yet the tears were on the edges of this day. My heart was going out to the family.

I feel that a believer's funeral should be a celebration. That is what they are doing on the other side of the river! However our joy is laced with a bit of sorrow. It was a the church's gym to handle the size. The local football team showed up in their football jerseys and black dress pants to support her youngest son who is a senior at the local high school. The back wall was covered with colorful homemade cards made from her students. The kids spoke about their dear mother and about the things they would miss. There were other choice speakers who colored in her life and gave you snap shots of her journey. I began to see her as someone who didn't want the limelight and also knew how to make others feel comfortable. I saw that our lives could have been parallel but I found my life pretty lacking. I'm not the teacher I should have been. I'm not married like I would have wanted. I have no hubby or kids so my life doesn't revolve around anyone but myself. I know I should not have even compared my life to hers but I have an earth ending here and will have to be accountable to my life. I came away a bit crushed.

With my afternoon I went off to my favorite haunt the local thrift shop. I found two books that were on my want list and I was excited because it was so unexpected. Then I went to a home store to look for a string of pearls plant. I had checked back in the spring and I really didn't think I would find it. After looking and looking all over the succulent selection, I found a very tiny plant of peas. So I scooped it up with her sister string of bananas. However, string of pearls really had no root system and the dirt was bad dirt because it would get this white mold or film on the top when you watered. Well, it died and I got my money back. The string of bananas are doing great!!!! At the end of the day, I felt God was saying 'hey, you are still loved. You want to do and be better. Go for it but I love you."

Wow. My Heavenly Father knows just what I need and I didn't even ask. I was just crushed and He was there to heal. Now I can look at my life and see what I need to do without comparing. I have a story and yes, it needs some revision. I can get crack'en

It has been a while since I have blogged and I really wanted to get this out before I ventured elsewhere. I didn't want to over look His simple presence. It might seem silly that books and plants would speak but how often do we go about our business without listening ....

a high vs the everyday ...

At the monthly Bible study I started to attend, I made an observation that bothered me greatly. I got the sense that some feel the need to have an experience with God like having a high. This drives me crazy! I do not want a 'Jesus-high'. I need Him too much in my every day. In fact He promised He would never leave me nor forsake me. I am holding Him to that.

I want Him when I am in tears over a stupid job and when I have to serve with gladness with respectful obedience to a boss who I will never make happy. If I couldn't have Jesus with me when I go to work ... well, it just wouldn't be good. I want Him in the every day moments when my brain is thinking out processes so I can talk to Him and ask questions. He has always been patient and has opened my eyes to things that only He could reveal. He showed me how to crochet because I would kept trying and would get upset and throw it down. I search and He reveals. He knows the Mysteries and will reveal when the time is right. There are a lot of everyday things I involve Him in and I have to credit all of the dot connecting to His quiet directions.

I want Him when I look out into the evening sky and see a rosie golden sky scape as the sun pulls the covers over her head and I whisper in my head the awe of His Master work. Lately His sky has been so vocal with the heat and storms that even when I fear there is much awe in the power and beauty of it all. He has little old me written in His Hands so how can He forget me? How could I ever think of only experiencing Him in some kind of magical high?

I don't want to ever think that I want to escape it all and have some mystical magic high moment with Him. Yes, there are moments when we are to run to the Fortress that is higher than I. Think about it those 'to the Fortress I run' times aren't highs but troubles. Check out Psalms 18. There is no high rather it is God working out the issues that plague me. He is in the trenches with me quivering under His Wing. I am the watcher and my heart stills it frantic beat as I watch His expert Arm defending and protecting His little one. He is right there. Always. This isn't a high but plain old everyday. I like it like that. Isn't God Awesome in His Ways and His Understandings that is greater than little I?

My life isn't made up of all trouble. There are a lot of good times too. I don't think of them as highs because most are simple things yet profound when I think deeper to His under-workings. Especially when I am troubled and dwelling in the muck, I start to pull my vision away to Him by simply telling Him what I am grateful. I love bed covers even in summer heat. I love paper & ink. I love blue and how it makes me feel. I love the bashful bold purple that feels like royalty and still has a simple gracefulness to it. I like the warm sunshine and the cooling rain in the summer. I like the bright snow and the delicate snowflake in the winter. I pick out everyday things and put them in the light and thank my Master for them right there in the moment. Wouldn't you forget all the wonderful things to thank Him for if you waited to steal away to some magical high? Wouldn't you be caught up in the moment and nothing?

I love to have the Bible near. When my life is out of whack, my only true and solid answer comes from His Word. I must make this everyday. It is a conversation and for too long it has been one sided. I want Him to do the talking too. I am tired of my voice piercing the airwaves. I must hear His Voice many times a day. Haven't you ever missed a lover's voice? Interesting that often we claim that God is silent. What a lie! His letter has 66 books filled with His Voice!

NOOOOOO high for me. I want Him everyday in the midst of my simple everyday life. I take Him at His Promise of never leaving me nor forsaking me. I have a big shoes to fill. I love Him right? He is in my everyday right? Am I dwelling in Him every moment of my day???????

no self love!!!

Last week I got bombarded with this concept of that there should be no focus on self love in a believer's life. I don't have this notion and it wasn't even on the radar! Then boom. It did take me back to the first Bible study session this year where the speaker did talk about you had to love yourself before you can love another. I didn't get much from this talk because what was coming to me was a review of where I had been sort of like my spiritual life playing out before my eyes. It was like 'wow, you've come along way but you do have more to go because you want to keep falling in love with God.' My journey contained no self love. That wasn't the focus. I just chalked it up that I came a different route.

Then this past week I get all these passages in the Bible where it kicks this notion that you have -to have self love to be able to love others- to the curb! Uh oh! Now what am I going to do? Do I say something to the Bible teacher? I am very defensive when it comes to the Truth. First step was just to come here and hash it out and let my mind chew on it.

Elizabeth Elliott used these two verses:
Ephesians 4: 22-24
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

II Timothy 3:1-7
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.

Pastor Lutzer used this one:
Romans 15:1-3
We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me."

There is just no standing for loving yourself in order to love others. No truth in it. It is time to throw off my old self which I feel that I have. I have done so by getting onto solid ground. I always thought I was on solid ground but when you live duplicitously, things get messed up quick. I began to talk back scripture and got to really seeking God in His Own Words. No more shifting sands. It has to be solid truth. The basic vocation of a believer is to trust and obey. When I do that, I show love to God. The new self becomes more full bloom. Love for others bubbles over from God's Love....

Hmmm, now how do I go about telling the truth about this????

His Presence in triumphs & sorrows ...

'After the Battle of Gettysburg on July 15, 1863, President Lincoln proclaimed a National Day of Thanksgiving, Praise and Prayer: "It is ... right to recognize and confess the presence of the Almighty Father and the power of His hand equally in these triumphs and in these sorrows.... '

How often do we recognize and confess the presence of the Almighty Father in triumphs and in sorrows? This line just made me stop. How often to we stop believing because of sorrows? We just chalk it up to no evidence of God. Isn't it right that our plans weren't acknowledged and we are going to have a bad attitude? Shouldn't we embrace His Plan for us with Joy? Wouldn't life be better than claiming a hissy fit and walk off the field? When will we bend the knee and the will to the Master?

There is something to a grateful heart celebrating God in all the triumphs and all the sorrows. Joy comes even in the pain. One gets it when one lives this simple hard truth...

feelings vs Holy Spirit ...

God is teaching and I am listening. I don't have it yet. It is like it is a new flower to me never seen before and it is budding. I never really put a placement on my feelings. I feel them. Some come on in a surprise and some are just plain good. In my younger days most were dark and even violent. Yes, this quiet girl could have an inward heat of anger to a raging boil. I may have kept it inside but it was there. I am older and wiser. My feelings are mostly good. Anger isn't a major player. The dark brooding thoughts are sedated my God's Joy. I am in a good place so it is interesting that now is the time God is showing me something **NEW** about feelings. Maybe it is the finishing marks...

I don't know how the full bloom of this lesson flower will turn out, but the little bud has something to do with the choice of letting our feelings rage or forsaking the feelings for the Holy Spirit indwelling. It is an opposite. Do I live in my fleshly feelings or do I let the Holy Spirit take hold of me and produce the fruit of the Spirit in my life? Interesting thought!

Funny - I have a 3x5 white note card from about 5 years ago where I wrote down some scripture on feelings. So maybe I have been wanting God to speak to me on this and now is the time because I am ready to get it!!!! I tingle at the thought!!!! I love the learning but hate the fencing, the tempering ....!

.:3x5 white note card reads:.

Titus 3:2
'to slander no one; to be peaceable;
to be full of courtesy; to walk humbly.'

~walk in the Spirit - not in your emotions & feelings~

Gal 5:16-22
"Be controlled by the Holy Spirit.
The fruit will result in love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, self control."

Col 3:12
"As God chosen people, holy & dearly loved,
clothe yourself w/ compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness & patience."

the pilot is my dad ...

I heard a story today that I just have to retell if I can.... I think is it is a true story too.

It takes place on a plane. It begins as a gentle clean flight then it becomes turbulent. Some passengers become hysterical while others begin to pray while others are rigid and stiff holding on for dear life. In the midst of the chaos is this little girl who seems so oblivious to the ups and drops of the plane. The plane finally landed and a passenger who was watching the little girl in total amazement asked her why she was so calm. Her response was "the pilot is my dad and he is taking me home."

Isn't that a beautiful response? Isn't this how we believers should feel about our own life journeys no matter how crazy or how hurtful or how lonely or how frustrating or how joyful? We have a Pilot in control and He is flying us Home. How peaceful and calming ......