I know why I'm not a good speller...

You go about your life wondering why you struggle in an area.  You see it at a negative.  Nothing good will come from it.  Until out of the blue God lets you in on the reason.

I love English.  I enjoy a good story and a well crafted word picture.  I am a poet.  My best thoughts comes in by the eyes and through the brain and out through my fingers and onto a white blue lined paper or the white screen.  I have a BA degree in English Education. However, my biggest struggle is the spelling.  I can see the front letters and the caboose letters but in the middle they run together.  Unfortunately, phonetics was not the trend of the day.  I find it embarrassing in front of others.  I love the dictionary though and I am not afraid to use it.  I love the iMac and now the ios5 update for the ipod touch because the dictionary is right there at your finger tips and you don't have to run and lug out the dictionary. I have always meant to reteach myself in spelling but there are always more interesting things to do.

It was Saturday night and the curtain opens up on a scene where the church singles had gathered together for food (yuck), fun, and football (yuck).   One of the girls was commenting on Mrs. So & So from the Ukraine that had written 'Couch So & So' instead of 'Coach So & So'.  I could not believe my ears!  Not only do I like Mrs. So & So, I consider her a rising friend of mine.  First of all believers are not to make fun of other believers or others in general.  I work out there in the world and I am tired of all the backbiting.  Being with believers should be a place to relax and enjoy others.   Second, my life has been filled with multicultural friends.  My Vietnamese high school friend is always calling me asking me English questions.  English is one of the hardest languages to learn.  The rules are not always cut and dry.  I went home quite upset about the comments.  Then I realized why I am bad speller.

I am a quiet observer and a hearty listener.  I know how to ask the questions.  I ultimately want others to feel safe in my presence.  I don't want them to hide.  The real person is Eternal not some misspelled word.

Expression of lifestyle freedom…

Have you ever noticed that those who live the gay lifestyle say how freeing it is to not hide it anymore? There are no more secrets, no more closets. I have heard the stories that lead them to this 'freedom' and I cannot help but to feel that they now are duping themselves even more. What lights my fire is this expression of freedom. Let me say it like it really is.

There is a freedom like after huge Thanksgiving meal where you obscenely pigged out and now you let down the zipper of your pants and flop out your spare tire. You feel a relief. You no longer feel restricted as you slip into that food coma bliss.

Then there is anther kind of freedom like after a Thanksgiving meal where you only ate just enough to be happily satisfied. You stopped long before you blow it. Now you have a freedom of playing flag football or in my dream world a bit of slapstick hockey.

Both express a since of freedom but only one is healthy... only one is honest... only one is honorable... only one is genuine...

tale of two cities ...

Like a city whose walls are broken down
is a man who lacks self control.
~ proverbs 25:28

There is a city whose walls are broken down. There is garbage in the streets. It is a noisy and scary place with yelling and gunfire the norm. Houses, sidewalks, swing sets, and cars are broken down. Stores, roads, and bridges are broken down. Churches look like a ghost town. People look tired and roughed up. Disrespect runs wild. You don't want to be caught alone out in the streets. Nothing is holding the city together. Travelers see the broken walls and the spillage so they avoid the city at all costs.

Then there is a city whose walls are built up and contained. Within there are gardens and picket fences, little houses and swing sets, flowers and flags, clean sidewalks and kids playing, neighbors being neighborly and hands helping up. This is the place to be where respect is king. At night the houses twinkle with lights and fires in the hearth. It is ok to be out at night but the best place to be is around the supper table. Travelers come and stay awhile just to soak up a simpler time.

As I tell this tale of two cities these walls are not about keeping others out but rather about living inside your box without spilling your waste into others lives. I have always called that living outside your box. Please don't get that confused with thinking outside the box which is good. Living outside your box is very unneighborly, disrespectful, and down right rude. Think about going to a nice restaurant to have a delicious meal with all the good home cook aroma to only have it messed up by someone who wants to smoke. (Sounds like where I live!)

I was humbled when I read this Proverb as I am wrapping my mind and trying to get my stubborn heart to mind itself over this opportunity to work even though my heart was wishing for my dreams to come true. I need a bit of self control. I need to put the smoke out. I need to get it right...

''A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor rather than silver and gold.''
~prov 22: 1

''Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before unknown men.''
~prov 22:29

So here is to self control, loving favor, and being a hard worker...

minimal ...

On Sunday I began to feel like a nothing. I have been under some major stress and feel that I have to knock out interferences in life in order for my potential to make a good performance. I have decided that when the little things at work or even at home come in my way that I will jump in and do what they ask with my game face on so they don't know it is bothering me and so that I don't let my bad attitude take hold. Now that I have done this I feel like I am taking everything with a whatever mode so that I don't behave badly.

What is really shaking me up is that I had a notion that I need to scrape out everything thing I do and start over. What? Yeah, I believe with all my heart that I cannot change the core of who I am. I tried it and it doesn't work so why is this coming to me now?

I feel isolated. Some of it is because of me. I do not go with the crowd. I am quiet. I don't force myself onto others. I hate it when others live outside their box and splatter their behavior all over me. I over think. I am tenacious. Dad calls me stubborn. I see things differently then others do. I abhor people telling me what to do. I loathe the disrespect shown when people tell you how to feel or what to think.

I feel isolated and this one thing I cannot control it. My food allergies make me more remote than I already feel. It can take on the ultimate form of not listening. It can even take on disrespect towards my feelings. I really have to watch this as this happens with those I love. Then there is work where I have to say yes or no to a luncheon. I have to ask about the food. I don't like doing that and because I was raised to eat everything on the plate -no complaints. Then I get an answer that didn't even go with my question! So, I am leaning towards just saying no rather then asking again. The last time I a guy co-worker wanted to know my answer. I asked what they were serving. He wouldn't tell me so I said no. I didn't give him the reason. It is a big tado over nothing every time I talk about all 36 food allergies. Why should everyone know when all they can say is I couldn't do it and then isolate me. Do you think this is fun? (I think I should develop a comic routine on my food allergies. Maybe a little humor will lighten me up!)

You know it just isn't working for me anymore. The payoff is lousy. So what can I do? Have a personality-change?

perception or empathy ...

Is perception and empathy the same thing or are they different?
Quite an easy answer. Perception is what you see out of your own eyes. Empathy is walking in another's shoes, taking on a path not your own, and feeling something totally foreign.

I am sick of hearing her talk about perception like it is my own fault. She openly admits that she is really talking to a mirror and yet she spouts off how it is the my perception at fault when it doesn't even fit! Perception isn't my fault. I do feel that I err on empathy. Perception is really a form of judgement! Something believers must not do. Sure they need to be wise but they know that all people and actions will be judged by the Almighty God. Why not let Him? Perception is a waste of time and energy. Good grief woman! Let it go and leave me be! Talking to her is a waste of time. So steer clear, girl!

to speak with intent ...

Why is it that I open my mouth around her and kick myself for doing so. She is always telling me how to think and do all the while saying that she is really talking into the mirror. Is it her way of saying I'm sorry with coming out and doing so?

Anyways, my mouth just unhinged and I was totally irritated with self! Back to Holy Word gym. Train, train, train... Got to cut the flab and maybe my mouth can stay shut and not share the family jewels aka pearls!

If I can't keep the mouth shut, keep it simple, short, and sweet.

If I can't keep it at a wicked smile and an-up-to-good gleam in the eye, then ask a question! OOOOOoo, she could just unhinge and spill the core.

If I can't share the precious pearls, then find a Bible Word picture and share that!

ARgh! Just keep my mouth shut please!!!

not lost ...

''All that wander is not lost.''
~Tolkien

After having mental gymnastics over 'people telling what to do', I remembered this quote and I felt like shouting. I am a seeker - a wanderer of sorts. I do not seek fleshy answers. I have this insatiable appetite for growth and learning but the only time I have that full factor is when I am seeking the Word of God. I am definitely NOT lost! I know Who will fill me up.

I do seek aloud and many people start inserting their own views. It frustrates me. I need to speak so keeping some things is difficult to do especially when I don't have a conversation partner. That is why I blog and tweet. It is a way to get the stuff out. I know the blog has helped. Yet, I still get those occasional people who like to tell it like it is according to them. I usually end up deleting their comments. Maybe I need to have a t-shirt made with this quote. Oh, to find a listener - one understands the art of conversation, the give and take, and the importance of asking good questions.

Maybe it speaks of the age we are in. Forget listening. Lets just spout out. Lets live outside the box. Lets spatter ourselves over each other.

trips ...

The last Sunday in June I was listening to three people who went on a short missionary trip. I was disappointed and confused. Then a got a rush of trip thoughts and I thought I would share:

Life is an adventure filled with many journeys, paths, and trips. On each one you should put some serious thought into what you want to take on the trip and yes, serious thought on the souvenirs you want to bring back. So what should you pack? And do you want to pick up to bring home?

You should really do some Bible reading and find out what you want to learn. Each time you actively do this God comes to you in a big way. Maybe it is verses or hymns to should be your focus. Then watch as God opens up experiences for you. The souvenirs will be related to what you focus on. You will come home with visuals and stories of God's hand at work. Be active in your learning. Write down what you are taking and what you want to pick up.

How often do you let the trivial stuff in like how will my hair hold up in this climate? Ok, this speaks to me I would let something like this bother me and I wouldn't want that to take a toll on my learning. How about if you are building something and they have a totally different way of doing things - are you going to let that broil up or can you go into that situation learning their ways to get a better sense of their lives?

Trips are not necessarily about doing but about listening and watching ... If you are doing and pushing, the ears and eyes are off target....

fencing ...

''suffer the little children to come unto Me''

cc:
* neighborhood kids spilling outside the box

sx:
* little kids stealing flowers
* tweenies & teens loitering

hx:
* bad parenting - no 'fencing'

dx:
kids need:
* need love (time)
* need adult attention
* need someone to listen to them

rx:
* blast long hair music out the window for their enjoyment
Hey, if they are going to spill outside their box and into mine, it won't hurt them any to listen to 'old' music.
* go out and sit in 'my patch' of yard and observe - take notes!
* ask questions about their dreams and their life - it is being a good neighbor!
* pray for them
* jot down outdoor games & maybe see if they would be up to some - constructive!!!!
* BE WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE
* be a student
* reflect Jesus Christ
* be creative, joyful, and use quiet leadership

Parenting's top priority is to teach obedience and nothing else. When teaching obedience, you must teach as well as model obedience quickly, sweetly, and completely. No questions. Stress that obedience brings blessing and disobedience brings punishment. The reason obedience is top priority is because you are teaching and modeling the ultimate relationship with God. If you honor God by your obedience to Him, this relationship spills out into all other relationships.

Note to the questions part:
Asking questions comes later and you must stress that questions cannot be one word questions. Make them use a full sentence question. Also do not allow them to ask why. Why is always about the past and other questions will help them process learning and grow in the moment and propel them into the future. Teaches them to get unstuck.

Fencing is really a way to live life freely. You know the limits and strange as it sounds you are free. Try living the earth's concept of 'free' and you will find that sin and especially the guilt becomes like chains and weights. It is bondage! It is an endless cycle of sin and punishment over and over. Be the parent and fence!