beauty of a life given ...

'Remember Me!'

This is a great YouTube movie! It will make you smile and your heart hurt a bit.

in God I trust ...

If I had my way, this war would never have been commenced. If I had been allowed my way, this war would have ended before this. But we find it still continues; and we must believe that He permits it for some wise purpose of His own, mysterious and unknown to us; and though with our limited understandings we may not be able to comprehend it, yet we cannot but believe, that He who made the world still governs it.

We are indeed going through a great trail - a fiery trial. In the very responsible position in which I happen to be placed, being a humble instrument in the hands of our Heavenly Father, as I am , and as we all are, to work out His great purposes, I have desired that all my works and acts may be according to His will, and that it might be so, I have sought His aid.
~ Abraham Lincoln, October 6, 1862

I do not doubt that our country will finally come through safe and undivided. But do not misunderstand me... I do not rely on the patriotism of our people... the bravery and devotion of the boys in blue... or the loyalty and skill of our generals...

... But the God of our fathers, Who raised up this country to be the refuge and asylum of the oprpressed and downtrodden of all nations, will not let it perish now, I may not live to see it ... I do not expect to see it, but God will bring us through safe.
~ Abraham Lincoln, June 1863 weeks before the Battle of Gettysburg

When everyone seemed panic-stricken... I went to my room ... and got down on my knees before Almighty God and prayed... Soon a sweet comfort crept into my soul that God Almighty had taken the whole business into His own hands...
~ Abraham Lincoln

Wow! I find huge comfort from a great President of old to the President today - a humble human prespective. Two men alone in their wars but standing in their faith of the Almighty. The human history books will surely pale in the light of the Kingdom's history books. I cannot wait to pour over those Heavenly volumes!

time too fast ...

time for speed
time for slow

time for work
time for rest

time for serious
time for playful

time for depth
time for surface

time for flurry
time for calm

time for balance !

Help! I am in over my head! I work best in a calm steady pace. Work has been break neck warp speed. I've been learning a new job under pressure from the 'teacher'. I've been trying my hardest to survive under the lack of reassurance that I need. I've got a plan to bring in plants and my paintings to combat the numbers. I do detest numbers. What have I got myself into? The stress is toooooo much. Depression is ever inching closer to bowl me over, but I see her out of the corner of my eye. I cannot let the enemy defeat me. Remember the talent story Jesus told? Arn't I suppose to invest the talent He gives me and give the returns back to Him? My talent is detail, hard work, the love of learning. But I must keep what I have learned like my surface, my greetings... I got to do my best and yet keep my playful happy side ever close...

light burden...

... as we travel through life ...
... what we begin the journey with ...
... and what we pick up along the way ...
... what we take with us ...
... is never more important than what weleave behind!
... as we've traveled along life's path, how grateful i am for your company and how grateful i am for your bringing along what I lack. ... but most of all, i'm grateful for what you've left behind when we had to part ... for those provisions sustain me on my journey and lighten my burden. ~ for Susan and all my beautiful fellow travelers in life. ~ T.W.
(Tom Wilson creator of the Ziggy comic strip)

I had saved this comic from 2002 and stumbled on it today. I feel this yet I am not always in the kind frame of mind as this quote. I have had a fellow traveler that left me behind without word to his reasons why. He left me with great memories and yes, these memories have been provisions for my journey. I still have that hunger ache in the pit of my stomach and the burden of this is heavy on my heart. I am grateful for this good gift and I weep in my gratitude to God. I will go forward. I will hold this good gift dear and walk with a light foot. God has promised in His time all things are made beautiful. This departure will be beautiful in His time...

hymn food for the soul...

I never liked Mom's job. She works at the hospital 12 hours daily and 2-3 consecutive days a week. When it is two days in a row it falls every third weekend. Holidays are every other. We are always having to work around her schedule. And trying to get someone to cover a requested day off is impossible. I wanted her support and presence for my glass show and but noooooo. Dad struggles the most on Sunday when Mom works. He doesn't like being alone on that day especially.

Tonight Mom just sat down and poured her heart out. It was a rough two days. She works on the cancer wing. Today a wife was told that her husband's (same age as me) time is now. Mom expressed how God always gives her just the right words to say. Like today she said, 'You cannot handle this alone. You need your support system. Your family is your support. Who can we call?' I don't think she realized God's touch until later. Then she said something profound, 'sometimes we need a support system.'

I made a note to self to let her know that I am glad she expressed herself. I want to be able to support her. Family is your support right? After the hug, she said she was sorry for letting it all out! Come on! No! Let me support! In fact that is my life's role or job.

I asked her if she found that her faith & relationship with God helped her with all the death that comes to her floor. She said definitely. Then she told me about how the Amish (we have a good size community of them here) come and surround their loved one and sing. It could be just young people or a group of family but they come and sing the hymns like how they did at my grandma's funeral last summer. It is parts with no instruments. Often other patients and families ask if the Amish will come by and sing or even just come sing in the hall. The Amish even in their grief and joy come out in the hall and sing. Amazing! Of course I had tears and then made mom cry.

I can't help but think how awesome it would be to make time with someone special or even your whole family up to her floor and sing the old and dear hymns. What a perfect crash op for a barbaric off-road trail.

'is good' ...

The usual means of selecting one's mate is no less dominated by appearances. Those seen as ordinary are NOT considered. But if the calves are a centimeter higher, if the eyes are a centimeter wider, if the clothes come from the right store, if the career gives the right impression, if the accent is from the right part of the country, if the age is less and the hair is more, then the individual is attractive and desirable and worthy of all-comsuming, single minded pursuit. No one would be so dumb as to pick a friend because he or she had good legs, and yet considerations such as that influnence the choice of one's life partner. What comfort is a complexion when you must come home and tell of a business failure? What tenderness and fun can the right height give to your newborn child? And in illness what compassion can come from net worth? Looks good or is good: that is the needed shiftin perception.
'Notes to Each Other" by Hugh & Gayle Prather

Yikes, one makes a list and then one throw it out and then only to have someone walk in one's life as a walking talking human list of exactly what you want then he walks out. Do you keep the list that you made notes on? or do you just live and if another walks in just take it in stide? What if height is in the small letters?

The list is about taking care of yourself and friend should be an important part of that list... keep the list if it has the right stuff on it!

red glass, white flowers to add in the blue...

A Russian proverb states "The darker the night, the brighter the stars." We appreciate so much in the world through contrast: warmth after we have been cold, coolness after sweating, rest after hard work, health after sickness, joy after sorrow. This accounts for our spring thrill. It is only because many of us bave been color deprived that we feel so ecsttic as pinks, reds, yellows, lavenders, oranges, and periwinkles pop from the ground and effusively decorate trees.
taken from a beautiful and a visual vacation magazine called La Vie Claire

I do love winter and this spring I have been enjoying the colors spilling out. I love to make flowers with my paint. Today it was red glass that I choose white flowers with green blue leaves and swirls to adorn it. I know where I am putting it. There is a shelf in my living den where it will dazzle along with all the red, white, and blue things I find so comforting...

petal companions...

Before I could get outside, the rain began to drizzle. No matter, I put on a rain coat and slipped outside with scissors to cut some flowers for myself this three day weekend. I clipped a white-pink peony, a pink peony, and a purple iris. The rain drops was an added bonus. I scared off the big black ants. I know they love peonies with a passion but I was not willing to share my house with them. I pulled down a vase, added cold water and salt, and arranged the flowers. I looked with intensity at how God arranged and formed each intricate petal and leaf. WooWhee, I forgot how fragrant peonies are! I was busy puttering in the kitchen/craftroom whether I was eating or painting and I was never alone! I would get a whiff and just beam. A pure and simple companionship!!!

green rows, red winged, mr & mrs chip

1. Dark earth combed in rows have green corn sprouts growing about an inch stretch out as far as the nearest horizon.

2. Fence post over grown with twigs and green leaves have a red winged black bird sitting sentry looking ... for what I haven't clue. I wouldn't mind sitting there just looking myself especially in the chaos I call my life right now. I work best in calm. go ducks! Sorry, just because I like red wing black birds doesn't mean I will root for them in my favorite sport of hockey!!

3. Giggles that envelopes my heart when I walk out to find mr and mrs chip running around. I can't help but greet them - 'Peek-a-boo, I see you!!'

two yeses ...

I would never parade my pursuit of love with a bunch of other girls after one guy upon the world stage. Watching hearts break and human misery flaunted, gets my gut in a twist. How do you get your heart broken gracefully? Is it even possible? Well, I am going to attempt it.

I feel that you have to have self rules to follow. Of course, you realize this after hurting to many times, yet it seems it is a mistake you will keep making.

If you are going to give everything you got, shouldn't you receive it back? or it isn't love. If you are focused on him and no other, should he have undivided attention for you? or it isn't love. If he deserves a happy ending, shouldn't you deserve a happy ending? Why does the girl go boo-hooing about about what she did wrong or that she was the best or that he doesn't know what he is missing? Shouldn't it be 'love is a choice of two people and not just one.' If my answer is yes but his answer is no, doesn't it mean no, this is not love and get on with my life?

Oh, if it were that easy and hearts did not break...

thinking vs debate

I cannot stand to argue or debate of any kind. I melt in total anger not to mention that my tongue becomes paralyzed. I was intrigued when in one of our four hour phone conversations, he showed me how he brings one into a discussion. It added to his keeper qualities. When our emails and phone conversations became a thing of the past, I had cried out to God. I wanted to know more about this better way to discuss. He had the key and know I would never know.

God being a Wise and Ultimate teacher, sent a book my way. I ate up! Through discovering how the brain works, making maps and supermaps, wanting to make order out of everything, and wanting to learn for self instead of being told what to do, I was being told by God how He designed me and my brain if not all peoples and their brains as well. I am not weird even though I am left with this weird need to think instead of debating without a go-to partner to perfect my thinking.

Thinking is all about asking the right questions with the first question being of permission to ask. I have to give up asking my favorite question - why! I came to that understand of not asking God why questions years back, but now I cannot ask it at all! I can do it especially when I realized that why is all about the past. What or how are questions about now and the future! It is amazing to watch how it works when tried!!!! It is me and myself with this new knowledge. I will succeed.

sea, sand, & shells ...

One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach -
waiting for a gift from the sea.
~ 'Gift from the Sea' by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

whose hurt worst?

Few people believe they have the right body, and yet they do not destroy it. Many think they did not get the children they deserve, and yet they would never desert them. Most people will not even abandon a dog. Why is it so impossible to say, "You are my friend. I will never leave you."

It is not. And I say this to you now:
You are my partner, the one I want to walk through life with, the one I want to grow old with, the one whose hand I want to hold as I die. I will never neglect you. I will never turn from you. Forever and forever, I will never leave you.
from 'Notes to Each Other' by Hugh & Gayle Prather

I stumbled upon this book as I was taking my Saturday slow and weeping over memories. I reread his 2 letters again. I wept over never being able to write that book together. I hope though that one day when I feel strong again to write MY OWN book. Not doing so good this weekend all alone with my miserable thoughts, then to open up this book and read the first page... and a couple of others ...

You and I have seen the shattered minds and shattered lives that can result from breakups. Often the one most affected is not the one who was left, bu the one who took the initiative. There are exceptions, just as there are exceptions to the wisdom of continuing to try, but society kids itself if it believes that people don't pay for their betrayals. The inner toll is so enormous that if a couple could guess at even a portion of the nightmare they are choosing to walk into, they would work a little harder; they would in fact toil. from 'Notes to Each Other' by Hugh & Gayle Prather

firstfruits

When I read about ‘firstfruits’ in the Bible, I thought it met that the farmer took the best of his crops - the top of all his crops. Listening to a Bible teacher recently, he stated that ‘firstfruits’ was the entire first crop that came in for the farmer. He would offer the entire crop to God without knowing if the next day a storm would wipe out the rest of his season of growing!

Around here the farmers grow corn and beans. Except this season I am sure I will see more corn because of the increase use of ethanol. Right now the little plants are just peeking up through the richly brown earth from last night’s rain storms. Driving past them on the way to work, I can see how the weather affects the corn. A farmer could have a very nice or a very small crop. Giving of his firstfruits means banking on your faith and confidence of God. He did promise that you have more value than the birds and see how they do NOT worry for food.

Take a crop like the cherries in June that will be ready to pick. I know that first picking is always the best of the fruit. Later pickings aren’t always so good because of the friendly birds. Would you be willing to give away that first batch in a pie or jam for someone in need over yourself? Ok, you could say that this is O.T and I am getting down to nit picking. Yes, it is up to you to try this out and what to try your faith on. God is into mystery and surprises. You just might be blown away!

Now take a ‘crop’ that is special to you. For me it would be my painting. Am I willing to take all that I make from my first ‘crop’ and give to God? Without knowing if the show will be a bust or a bright season? Am I willing to add this new knowledge of ‘firstfruits’ to my tithe practices?

Honor the Lord with your possessions and with the firstfruits of all your increase; So your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will overflow with new wine.
Prov. 3:9 &10

Your money:
tithe - 10% of what you have / O.T. 25%!!!
firstfruits - your first crop
love offering - what moves you

unexpected peace ...

I asked for some kind of relief. I just didn't know what to ask for. After having my passion to paint die a little this past weekend and coming to a downward trend of my mood and having a request turned down and having to train someone for my old job, I just didn't want to spin out of control. I want to be professional and peaceful. I just did not know if I could do it after having a huge anger bite your tongue moment!!! Come on, isn't there a warning in the Bible to bosses that provoke their employees? Isn't not following through a form of disrespect and prime real estate for provoking anger. ARgh!

God came through and I am glad I was paying attention to recognize His peace. The girl is very easy to train. She was eager and I felt at ease. She has no bad habits like past trainees. I was able to smile full force without faking it. I have to give God honor and a huge thank You for knowing exactly what I needed even when I didn't know myself. I declare today a gooooooooood day!!!

OOOO, my knees ache. On with the yummmy smelly muscle cream and off to sleep with gratitude in a smile on my face as I doze off to dreamland.

my 2nd glass show ...

Yesturday I had my second craft show where I took my painted glasswork to show and to see if anyone would be willing to part ways with their 'greenbacks' enough to take my artwork into their home and enjoy. In my first show I sold only 3 pieces and this show I sold 12. I guess on the bright side I sold four times what I did three years ago. I am still bummed. I packed four boxes and I am returning with four boxes. They are still stacked in the kitchen unopened. My apartment is a small one. I want to be able to live in it simply. My craftroom doubles as the kitchen and it is often a battle each Saturday when I want to paint and eat. It doesn't help that I am being my reflective sad mood again. Here is my best atempt to think well and balanced so read on.

~F~acts : (focus on what was done NOT wasn't)
I learned a lot about myself and my art. I learned that I could step outside my comfort colors and try other colors like orange and yellow. I learned that certain color combos can take a piece and elevate it to an elegant artwork like the purple velvet pansy with teal white leaves on a teal frosted Riesling wine bottle that curve and angled in with an breath of debonair. I learned that I can and have edged away from the teacher. I learned to look at pictures of the Master's creations and have tried my best to copy them even I will never be able too. I have learned that spring colors and flowers are a favorite of mine - it is right up there with landscapes. I learned more about God's romance for me through His beautiful landscapes and His detailed beauty of a flower as simple as a violet or as artisan as an orchid.

~E~motions : (focus on the positive feelings)
I had a lot of excitement going into this glass show even some good anxiety. I had some major good thoughts about presentation. I had found a cornflower blue tablecloth that all the glass I had painted would look their very best. I also used square and corner tiles with purple blue flowers to accent as price tags. I even transformed my neglected dry erase board with my purple blue flowers as well. I know that when I go to craft shows my shy side doesn't ask questions like I should so the dry erase board had info if they where shy and even could prompt questions. I was very excited as I keep hearing voices say I do well or 'I wish I could see all you do'. I love painting what I enjoy painting. It isn't much fun to paint what I don't want to. All that I was painting was what I wanted or what I say the glass says to me and even what others ooooed and ahhhhed over. I really thought my pansies would sell even thought it would sell out.

I wiggled in my skin when I finished what I call my show stopper. It was that teal bottle. I loved it and I couldn't wait to get others reaction. It didn't make it to the show. A lady at work bought it. I am now glad that it didn't make it to the show. It would have been a real downer to have no one buy it as it probably would have just stood their looking pretty just like a beautiful girl at a party where no one pays attention to. Oh yeah, the emotions are suppose to be good ones. Like I said before I am glad the teal pansy bottle didn't make it to the show.

~E~ncourage : short, simple, sweet acknowledgement. be generous!)
I must send a thank you to Mrs. Bennett. She made me feel very good about being there. She knew me in a life past but it was great that she remembered and was attentive. The event had a theme and a ton of detail was put into it all. I knew they really had to work hard at planning and advertising. They outdid themselves with the signs and the decor. They aimed to love with their details and it showed.

I must say thank yous to those I invited and who showed up. I had invited most of those who thought I did great work and wanted to see the whole of what I do, but the vast majority did not show. No family made it either. So to those who showed up and really encouraged me and I must encourage them back. Like mamma said, you do what is important to you...

~L~earning : (focus on NEW insights not the details
I learned to do what I love. Yes, I need to try to paint things that scare me to expand my work, but to get lost in color and flowers is quite intoxicating. At this point I could turn down a very dark path but from those four boxes of my glasswork, I need to celebrate them... I guess a new insight is to learn to celebrate the pieces... and figuring out how...

~I~mplications : (focus on new wiring, new maps)
My goal is to paint for myself. I have a few projects I wanted to complete. Now is the time. I won't be painting any more candles. It is not what I want to do - maybe for a gift but not to sell. I will not buy any more glass. I might even have to reject glass because I have no room nor outlet to sell. If and when I get an office of my own, I will bring in glass weekly like some of the women bring in flowers. Seems frivolous but if they can enjoy the whif of smelly flowers while crunching numbers, I can enjoy artwork like taking in a whif of sight that carries me away to someplace special.

~N~ew
~G~oal:
Well, I don't think I am doing well with thinking but I must get it out and start fresh. I plan to rearrange my studio aka. kitchen so that I can work better and not fight it every time I want to eat. I plan to enjoy my painted flowers at work since I kill plants on the side. My lasted victim? the pansies I bought for a buck. I need to be creative in cross stitching and looming so the painting will slow down dramatically over the summer months. I have gifts to make so I will doing those.

~current reality~
I have to much of my artwork in my over crowded living space.

~explore alternatives~
1. super stocked when it comes to gifts. Time to give them for all occasions and just because. Could unload on college friends that don't live near.
2. have a glass sale instead of a yard sale at my parent's place.
3. wait it out until September when the craft shows begin again.
4. take in a piece of glass each week to enjoy and possibly get rid of...
5. consignment
6.
7.

I need more alternatives. At this moment in time, I won't be doing any more shows. Especially since they begin in the fall for Christmas and all I have now is spring stuff. 1, 2 and 4 look ok to do.

~tap energy~
Uh, what energy? I have none! Maybe tomorrow or next week or next year ... I don't even have energy to clean my brushes and put them away! Oh well, I am in a mood. This too will past like my mother always says. ARRRgh! Blah!

{sticks fingers in my ears and blammbers and hides under the covers}

Ok, I will act grown up only because I should. I need to think on beauty. Focus my energy on the good facts and the good feelings. I am energizes by God Beauty. Maybe that is my calling ... to be energized by God's Beauty through my painting and vocally say it aloud when others ask what I do or why I paint...

Why do you paint? How did you know you could paint?
I love glass and I love God's flowers and colors. I like to express the Joy of God though my humble attempts to paint His Masterpieces. I like the joy I feel inside when I stand back and take it all in. I enjoy the figuring out how to make the strokes of the brush to create a flower. I express my gratitude often for His Beauty. It takes my breath away to imagine the Creator as He creates and the Joy He has when He stands back and marvels. I know He loves it much more than I could ever...

I loved glass and had a whisper of wanting to paint since I was a child. I searched to see if there was paint for glass and was pleasantly surprised to find it! I bought 3 different colors and daddled. The rest is history. The rest is the expression of my romance with God ...