war paint & crazy!

I am putting on war paint and wanting do something a little crazy. It is the best way I know to start a new beginning that I really don't want to do when the old seems to best fit. My attitude was sinking fast and tears where my food. I am suppose to be better than that! I am God's child! Am I not more than a conqueror through HIM who loves me? Than why am I not living it? Why am I crumbling up in a corner with red eyes? Not I, I roar as I look to Monday. I am going in with the Sword flashing on the inside as I have a brave smile and happy eyes on the outside. I will not be defeated and I will not let the thief steal my God-Confidence, my God-Peace, and my Joy.

I've been fortifying all weekend and banishing all bad thoughts with Scripture and Hymn 'talk backs'. I have this giddy smile when I talk back to bad thoughts. I guess because as a child I wasn't allowed to talk back to my parents. To take something so wrong and turn it into something good like talking back to the thief is super satisfying and mischievous!

I read somewhere that anger is a weakness! Not going there. Also that not looking into someone's eyes is showing weakness? Hmm, gotta work on that. Eyes focused on Jesus Christ is strength!!!

So here is to war paint and the happy fight that threatens my purpose and value. I am a conqueror through HIM that love me. He is my Strong Man and no one gets into my house to steal!

pressed on all sides ...

I have a bit to jaw on as I feel my world crumbling. So I have this math job when I am an English person who likes to write and read. I am a work horse and have made this job work since my like of patterns is in some sort math related. I have gotten this work nailed down with only a little that may goo out like mayo on a slightly smashed sandwich. I have a tiny office but it was just enough for me. In fact I got to choose the office and I chose it because it was small.

Work has consolidated another sister work into one making the work load a bit heavy. I have been going over the 40 hr limit to keep my head above water. I have nothing against the boss in fact I find that is the best boss so far but I have had some pretty ucky bosses. He has this idea though that I don't like. He has gotten me help but this person isn't a work horse but more of a show horse or a talking horse. You aren't going to get much help or team work out of someone like that. I hope this co-worker will prove me wrong but highly doubt it.

Then today the boss isn't wanting me to take my desk! At this place I have had some pretty lousy desks and work space but in those jobs I tolerated it. In this job I found and wanted a work space I could do my best work. It has a nice long flat area which is helpful with all the stacks of paper I deal with and it has a unique file drawer that is up high and files go from left to right in the drawer instead of back to front. This is great for the back when you are having to use these files constantly. I tried to explain why I wanted the desk so maybe I will get to keep it. I even want to have some say in the way it is position in the office. I believe designing a work space should enable you to work better. Let me tell you there are some offices that scream for a better space. Well, since they decided to do this move tomorrow and I am taking the day off, I won't have a say. I wonder if the other girl will have a say or if the boss has it in his head how it is going to be.

I just feel stupid and a cry baby about the whole thing yet I feel like I am not being heard or that I should just take it and hold it all in. I am finding that I can't and I don't know how to function. I hate looking bad and not taking something in stride is bad and unchristian like or so my feelings say.

I have been spiritually attacked on all sides. Because I feel so bad about my job, I am afraid of my attitude. I got to get it in shape. The economy is shaky and for the boat industry, it could be the survival of the fittest. Also, I know I would rather do a passion but creativity doesn't pay the bills. With all the changes at work, it is making my emotions really intense. Then I had a relationship from the past come back that I didn't want back. I did say no but I really hurt some one's feelings. It is not easy doing the right thing and I find myself second guessing how I did it. I had to say no but did I do it right without this person turning even further from God? All of this caused me to wish for a relationship from the past that was reallllllllly good to come back. I know it probably wouldn't be the same but I don't know why I was left and crazy me still misses the connection and the God talks. Today I saw him online. I said a simple hi just to keep the window open. Of course nothing. It was too much. I can't hold it together anymore. Tears was on the menu as I hurried to work. Then there is a guy that arrived at the same time I did who was there for a meeting so I got him settled. Guess what his name was? The same as the guy I wish would come back.... Talk about rub it in your face.

I did keep this relationship stuff to myself when a believer at work stopped by. She isn't a very good choice to talk about the matters of the heart. Any hint about guy stuff and she is off crushing my pearls! She is married too! ARgh. So it was a victory that I kept it to myself without incurring more pain upon my battered up heart. I did share my hurt about the changes and how purchasing is making it harder to do my job and that was ok too because I was able to keep it off her crushing me more and onto the Word. So there is a small victory here. She did suggest Psalms 139 and I did read and found comfort.

I can't wait to spend the day with my mom tomorrow. She is such a great friend and comfort. So tonight I am off to whisper a words to my Heavenly Father who will hold me in huge burly arms and rock me to sleep. I am hoping my tears are done and that He finds praise and thanksgiving bubbling up in my heart as He sings over me....

how are you? ...

"Why do you ask people how they are doing? Don't you know they will tell you there life story?'' This is the response my mom gets when she asks people how are you doing?

My mom works at the hospital and she is great at making sick people feel comfortable, at getting into elders who tell stories of the past without making them live in the now, and at listening to what ails her co-workers. She is great at getting a laugh

It is frustrating to hear the type of people that work with Mom. She has a huge ministry and yet the thief is always there to takeaway. Dad and I keep encouraging her to keep at her gift and we both are amazed at her spunk and her shouldering the woes that weigh people down.

She found out a co-worker has Crownes disease and allergic to wheat. (Mom didn't know that there is a difference between wheat and glutton - I don't know much but that glutton can be found in a lot of stuff not just wheat.) This poor girl had tears come when she told Mom she could not eat peanut butter. Mom tried to comfort her with that fact that she has to deal with my allergies and how difficult it is but there is help out there - groups to join and find help. It is a huge weight to bare when you find out about an allergy or a disease because you have this label and yes, it is great to know what is wrong but there you are left with no help! That is why people will reach out when they are asked what they are doing! They are drowning in some pain and need a human touch and a life line to keep going...

Here's to my Mom and her special gifts!!!

feelings {?}

Dear me,
Feelings are a bi-product from our thoughts, our actions, and our struggles, from interior influences and exterior influences, from what others say about us and do to us etc. The list could go and on. Feelings are fumes and life cannot run soundly on vapor. Life must run on gas like actions and character...

When it comes to hurting someone's feelings, you always must go softly and gently but you must always go on the side of character building. Feelings will get hurt and that is life. Life hurts!
~always keeper

~~~~~

Dear keeper,
I have a life choice and at this present time, I am having to enforce it. It is causing hurt feelings even on my side. I cannot let it interfere with this life choice because it is about protecting my character which is important because I must give an account to God.

I am not heartless because I am sad and feel bad but my relationship with Jesus Christ is too important for me to let human feelings get in my way. This believer's life is hard work! But True Love is not feelings but rather hard work that I am willing to be tenacious about!
~always me

you go girl!!
*

interferences & winning performances ...

As I watched the American girl beach volleyball game at the Olympics where it was raining hard, I couldn't help but think that if you really want to win this you have to train not just the game rules and basics but you got to go beyond and train in wacky elements like rain.  I also heard that Phelps' coach had messed with his goggles in training to get Phelps to go beyond the safe stuff.  Then in one of his matches, Phelps' goggles began to fill up with water!  Did he let that stop him?  Nope, just another gold metal.  

I came across a formula in the Quiet Leadership book that goes like this: 'performance=potential-interference'.  When I took on this present job that was basically an unknown world to me, I did a lot of leaning into or a better word is striving.  I went for all I was worth trying to learn hard and fast which caused more pain and more frustration.  When I read a verse in Proverbs where God has striving was wrong did I begin to understand interference!  I was causing myself to fall apart and my learning was hindered.  See, I was over compensating as a way to not let interference into my approach.  This was my first learning.

My second learning of interference is that when things begin to mess me up, I need to label it quick as interference and get to training!  If a winner trains in all kinds of elements, then shouldn't I?  Why should I let interferences get in my way?  I use to look at that equation as interferences had no part in performance or in giving your best.  But I could not get away from problems, hurdles, and challenges.  All I could come up with is within a football (American) picture where you have a football guy tackling the other football guy to keep the QB safe.  Like my girl description?  No matter what there will always be interferences.  It is what you do with them that will determine your performance whether it be winning or losing.  

Training for interferences is the first mindset and then removing them to finish up makes for your potential to shine as well as your character.  All that you are left with is a winning performance!  I like that.

My Rest ...

My dearest beloved,
Come to Me, you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. I will give you Peace not as the world gives you but My Peace is good and a perfect gift. Let this overflow your cup because My good and perfect gift is of shine not shadow.

I know your arms are tired but you used the shield of faith to withstand the fiery darts and used the sword of the Spirit to protect your wellspring of life. You know to be gentle to all men and to let your home be inviting, but you also proved faithful to Me by protecting your home from the thief who seeks to tie up the strong man and scatter you. You let Me surround your weakness and stood with the belt of truth and the breastplate of right ways. I gather you in My Arms. Stay here and you will be safe.

Now sleep in green pastures beside still waters. I alone give you REST.
~always your Heavenly Father, Shepherd, Great Lover, & Husbandman.

I have this against you ...

I had to come here, my safe place, and say a few words when I should be making my breakfast. I don't know what to say really...

I have been in a spiritual battle since Labor Day when the past came back. I don't know why this came back - maybe God is showing me that 'no' is my weakness and that He alone is my Strength. Maybe He is showing me that on the human level, no is hard and painful but on the Eternal realm, it is the most freeing. I highly doubt I am done learning this lesson... All I know is I am very spiritually tired and drained...

So here is to the Words that comfort ...

''Nevertheless, I have this against you, that you have left your First Love.''
~Rev 2:4

''Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.''
~James 1:12 (check out James 1:14-15)

''For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against... the rulers of the darkness of this age...''
~Eph 6:12

''For you were brought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your character, which are God's.''
~ I Cor 6:20

''Whoever is a partner with a thief hates his own life''
~Prov 29:24

standing firm vs standing down

And Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today.
~ Exodus 14:13

This verse started my day. No wavering. No exceptions. Just stand firm with feet solid on the Rock. I went over the Sarah and Abraham story about the baby they were going to have. I was going over it for myself as well as trying to see if I could say it aloud as part of a possible conversation.

And the servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.
~ II Tim 2:24-26

Reject a divisive man after the first and second admonition, knowing such a man is warped and sinning, being self-condemned.
~Titus 3:10-11

Hmm, I saw these two passages and felt a bit confused. When should I decide to end my giving my answer? In Timothy it seems you continue to give the answer to one who is trying to figure out the faith whereas in Titus you shut down a man who is out to make quarrels. This is something I will be bringing to God and ask for His Divine wisdom in this 'continuing conversation' that keeps going and going ...

mrs spider ...

Ok - here is my second go around! Cutting and pasting then poof - all that I wrote was gone. grrrr...

Last week ago Saturday a spider moved into my second story window. She isn't pretty. There are two white 'eyes' on her underbelly that stare at me whenever I take a peek at her.

Last weekend she had prey. It had to be a big black ant. First, it was gooey wet and then she covered it in white web. Then it was gone. Did she drop it? Dad said she was making babies with a packed lunch to go. Ugh!

Yesterday the rains had some winds that bounced her around but she was tucked in wasn't about to fall. Yet, as the world turned green, she was gone. Did she fall? Or did she drop to safety? I have to admit I was glad that she had moved on.

Today when I peeked to see the rains outside, there she was with PREY! It seemed to be a moth. It had better not be a butterfly! No, I am sticking with a moth. The bottom portion was in white webbing but the top was wet. I took some film to capture this event, hoping to see what she did with it when she was done.

I left for about two hours and when I came back, the spider was still here but the prey was gone. What did she do with it?

Hurricane Ike is scheduled to hit here in the North this afternoon. It feels like it is here already. It is rain hard. I thought there was going to be winds. I don't think we will know for sure when Ike is here unless I pay attention to the weatherpeeps. There is a front that has been dumping rains and Ike is going to piggy back it as it moves through the armpit of the US. It will be interesting to see how Mrs. Spider stays during this.

There be four [things which are] little upon the earth, but they [are] exceeding wise:
The spider taketh hold with her hands, and is in kings' palaces.
~proverbs 30:24&28 some versions say lizard!

black & white living {v}

Life is so full of varying shades of grey but a believer must live in black and white. This world likes to push the envelope believing that white lies as well as the hardened black ones are just fine. It is also what they don't know won't hurt them! It is like they are so blind! Look at all the secrets dragged out into the public stage! Look at all the hurt and pain from living out side the box!

I want to keep inside the box and toe the line. I want to be genuine and pure. I want to live in God's fence because it is so freeing and peaceful. There is no worry or looking over your shoulder.

Secrets tell. Why risk it?
*

closure ...

I believe closure helps in healing yet I wasn't allowed closure for a very very significant relationship so I know life doesn't always tie up everything in a neat bow. Life is a lot of clashing and banging into each other. It is one of the hardest part about being human. We need connection and yet there is so much conflict.

"you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow. Therefore confirm your love for him .." ~ II Cor 2:7

Whew! Hard to swallow this one when it is a relationship you are ending because how can it be love when you are putting the kibosh on it. In my very very significant relationship, I don't know what I did wrong and I don't know if I should even think like that. Anyways, in other relationships I know I have tried to mend them and language problems occurred even though the mother tongue was English. I probably put undo strain on it because I tend to hash and hash it out hoping for a happy ending to our struggle. I have been accused of too much hands on approach. Sooo, what to do - what to do...

This relationship learning curve has been very steep and torturous to the point that I want to give up and yet there I am in the middle of it wanting to have a clean closure for the other person so that they can go on with their life in a good way and leaving my own life intact and peaceful again. I hate fighting and I hate saying no. I hate hurting others feelings and yet I hate others not hearing my own cries and letting me be the real me and not some conjured up me. I need to be the real me and not let myself assimilate into someone else's enjoyments just to have a friend. Isn't care love but not love in the love love kinda of way?

Can't sorrow be a stiff neck like in Proverbs 29:1? Can't sorrow be a hardened heart like in Proverbs 28:14? I just can't have this. Unbelievers need Jesus Christ. I know it is in the how.
*

AROMA!

Now thanks be to God Who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His Knowledge in every place.

For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.

To the one we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to the other the aroma of life leading to life. And who is sufficient for these things?

For we are not, as so many, peddling the Word of God; but as of sincerity, but as from God, we speak in the sigh of God in Christ.
~II Cor 2:14-17

I found this passage so gripping. I am very sensitive to fragrance. I hate most sticky sweet or spicy perfume. HA's can come in a whiff. Cigarette smoke is another where I am trying not to inhale and running to find fresh air (being allergic). So to find that my believer's aroma smells like death to an unbeliever is a bit overwhelming! I understand it but when you are trying to 'attract' unbelievers to God this is discouraging. But to talk back here: I must continue to let my gentleness be known to all men and not allow the thief to tie up the strong man...

I do love the citrus smells. It is my most favorite smells. And who can't resist the smell of a blueberry coffee cake especially in the fall when the air is a cool crisp and the warmth of home is in the air! Ahh, now this is the kind of aroma I imagine when I read this passage. Some are going to be attracted and some are going to be allergic...
*

3 bad brain behaviors ...

I was watching a PBS show last Saturday about brains. Brains is a subject matter that just grabs me up and I can't let go! I love learning soooo much and what organ learns??

So here is the 3 bad brain behavior things I learned:
1. lack of focus
2. choosing the opposite option given
3. believing automatic negative thoughts

What was intriguing was that sleep, exercise, and foods affect these behaviors. I didn't catch everything thinking that I might read the book but I didn't write down the title! Oh well!

What is really interesting is that the bad brain behavior that my immediate family has is the ant problem! We tend to believe the automatic negative thoughts. I know I do or I did. I have changed my eating habits (forced do to food allergies) and that certainly helps. I have added exercise and that just plain feels good. I do need to work on the sleep part. However, I have had the greatest success of eliminating the negative by 'backtalking'. I use God's Word and say it aloud or over and over inside to banish all negative and harmful thoughts away. I shout aloud that I will be content in all things and I will rejoice in all things. I will come into His Courts with thanksgiving and praise. It is my best 'ant eater'.

Another interesting thing is that in one part of the family addition is the the choosing the opposite option! I had not seen this before. Interesting though is that the mother knows to use the opposite option first with her children so to get the desired option or result. These types of people need more carbs than protein. I find that interesting too as the other two bad brain behaviors need more protein.

Brains are one of God's most interesting things He created!
*

rain is for in ...

I awoke to the rain pouring and I am happy. Grey skies and rain can shield out the world and I can stay in and play house. It is soothing after many good summer hot days where you spend outside to take a time out for inner things and indoor things. It like taking a Martha Stewart day to clean and organize and no, I am not super structured or a neat freak but I do want to be better at orderliness and keeping things simple. It feels so good to nest and hibernate even if there is movement. It is movement in the right direction.

Hmmm, maybe I organization is one of my strengths and is only a bit rusty. Take a look at the thesaurus and there is patterns listed for organization! I like that thought!

Here is to staying in and having a sunny home ...
*

"you're lecturing" ...

Yup, this comment was directed squarely at me very very recently. Strangely enough, I didn't go ballistic. I am a first born and was called bossy by both brothers. I suppose I was but I grew up hating that term. Maybe it is the teacher mode or the eagle eye in me that comes out. What ever vein this lecturing quality comes from, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I cannot change people nor can I tell them what to do.

So what am I to do? I am back to using my questions, to creating word pixs, and to boil things down to the skinny. I want to throw in gentleness, peacefulness, and contentment into the mix. I am beginning here too. Instead of using 'you', I will be using I. Whew! I guess it will take a long bit to get this trait under the control of God.

Another conclusion that I have stated before is that I don't think I can even change myself! First, I must seek God and He will meet me and change me! I am definitely still under construction. But God has promised that the work He has began in me, He will see to its completion.

beatitudes ...

I am having a moment about just being and what that means to me a believer. My thinking process is like connecting dots...

I felt repressed in what I wanted for myself, repressed in being what I wanted to be. I felt very strongly that this is about my own character building and should not be about hurting some one's feelings. My next thought was that I really wanted to be pure-hearted. And because I am talking about being, what about the beatitudes? Isn't that about being? Hmmm!

Here are the beatitudes from the Message ...
1. "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

2. "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

3. "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

4. "You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

5. "You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.

6. "You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

7. "You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.

8. "You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

Matt 5:13-16
"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-Flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-Colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

But I like how the older versions of the Bible say it about the pure heart:

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

Then this is said better in the older versions too!

Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

So I must be in the business of building my character and not let anyone distract me from doing so. Character building is a lot like how I feel about dreams and passions. You must go for it - stay focused! Let no one get in your way! I must be a pureheart. I must be salty. Everything must aline. I must be able to say what I believe and my actions must prove my speech. If I keep this first and formost then anyone who comes in my space (home) will will feel God's Light....
*

knowledge of evil ...

But of the fruit of the tree which [is] in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.

And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:

For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
~Gen 3:3-5

It is an after thought - or is it?

Why do I want to have knowledge of evil? A question I am asking because I have seen many kinds of evil in this world. The pressure is intense. Yet, I still harbor those what if's and why not's. Like why not seek companionship with someone who doesn't honor what I want to be? What if I fudge some part of my character? Take Sarah & Abraham 'making a baby' with Hagar when God said that the baby would come from Sarah and Abraham.

'Trust Me,' God says and I just let curiosity devour me and my faith. Why do I what knowledge of evil? Why can't I trust? Am I not eating the apple all over again?

This passage caught my eye yesterday. Wouldn't it be easier just knowing good and not the evil part? Was it truly worth taking that bite? Sadly, the truth is that I can't go back and even if I could I would have done the Eve thing...

be ...

Is it ok for me to BE me? I have chosen a certain path for my life. I have grown and gathered many lessons to make up who I am. If I say no to things, there are reasons for that no. The biggest reason is I best know what I want to be. What I believe, I am going to say and what I say, my actions must prove true to it or I am a waste of space! Don't get all in my face! That no was refreshing. Sure it saddens me that I hurt you. What I did was for myself. Self preservation, yes. Preservation for the blossoming me. In the past my yeses have hurt me. In the past those yeses was to make you happy instead I was unhappy. I cannot let that happen because I became less of me. Friendships are about a combination of give and takes. It is also about not gives and not takes. If it hurts another's being / character, then the most honorable thing is to not expect it and never let it enter your mind again. Let the no be a complete sentence. Friendships are also about growth. It is not about dying. Are you better? Have you ever thought that maybe the no is there because it was killing the person's growth? Whether you like it or not, I have to be me. I have to be responsible for my own growth and strength. Sure the road gets lonely and hard and it is nice to have a fresh breeze come along. Plus, there is danger in being insular. But there is great wisdom in being choosy...

'The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.'
Proverbs 12:26
*

collections ...

It is just human to go around collecting.
So what do humans collect?
Things, people, color, memories, and learnings.
Why do humans collect?
Humans collect to surround themselves with beauty, security, value, and attention.
What do the collections say about their humans?
Quite a bit! It tells what they think of themselves, what they need, what their desires are, what they value, and what moves them.

What do you collect?
What are you saying about yourself?
What season was it when you collected a certain item?
Have you noticed what others collect?
What are they saying?
Are you even listening or is your collection got you blinded?

shod your feet with shine ...

What does it mean to shod your feet with the preparation of the Gospel of Peace (Eph 6:15)?

I took this question out with me on my Saturday walk. I think it will be a question that the answer will come more clearer with more and more understanding when I live and seek it for a while if not a lifetime!

What I know of peace is that I learn more when strife and frustration are out of the picture. The more I am hitting my head against the self-imposed brick wall the more pain, bumps, and bruises than any actual growth and understanding. So if I decide to stick my feet into peace, I am not kicking up dirt and obstacles into the path of others. It is living inside my 'box' and spattering my moods and attitudes all over others. It is harboring love not hate or transgressions. It is imitating of God and living like Jesus Christ. When I living peacefully with others, it lays down the preparation - a place of seeking and understanding. Then the Gospel can work without me getting in the way!

The other thing I know about peace is that when I am at true and wonderful peace, I can let the world thrash about without fear! I know Who holds me and He has told me that He works all things - even the bad things - for my good. He also gives me good gifts and He gives me what I need. So when I am feeling the good gift is very sour and that I am wanting, I know that He is much wiser and it time to be content in all things! 'For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.' ~ Rom 8:18 I have been very restless and doing my own bit of thrashing about. Now that I have struggled through my God-Lesson on peace, I don't want to go back. Even now I falter every but I get back to reciting and talking back to the unrest. I believe peace is a shelter and when others see that in me maybe they will seek it out for themselves.

'But the path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines ever brighter unto the Perfect Day.' Prov 4:18.

tiny feet

one woman ...

He who loves one woman
has loved them all.
He who has loved many women
has loved none.

Interesting! I heard this quote and had to write it down. It does seem that some men (I won't say all {smiles} ) think they need more than one woman. I can't crawl inside their thinking nor do I want to but what is up with them trying? What is up with their excuses?

Being a woman looking at this what is it that is purely nugget worth? I think it is the loved none part. It is not love that they say they are giving and every thing they do pivots on this. It rings up uneven. It has been weighed and measured and it comes up wanting.

This one woman doesn't seek to be empty; she rather be full. This one woman doesn't want unrest; she rather be at peace. This one woman doesn't yearn for average; she rather have intense and deep - exceptional. This one woman doesn't hanker for like, hate, or evil; she rather have love - pure and beautiful. Give this one woman one man totally into her and wrapped in love...

morning comes shining ...

Yesterday can be described as a low tide day. I welcomed the rain yet I felt the grey had slipped inside my heart probably long before I woke.

The day wasn't rotten - much the opposite. It felt successful even with the clouds heavy on my being. It must have been the ending conversation that I knew I had to stand firm and say NO. I had strong doubts that I could say no. I kept reciting passages and praying for strength.

Today the weather woke up grey but my personal clouds were gone. I know my answer was correct. I fought the fight - the good FIGHT of faith. God's Word always comes at the best of times. My answer was a painful no. I know it hurt someone but my relationship with God trumps all other relationships. Saying NO is a complete sentence and it will keep my heart pure.

I doubt it is over so I will keep at the ready.

Here is to holding to the living double edge Sword of the Spirit...

God is my STRENGTH. God is my Dwelling Place. AMEN.

1Tim 6:11-14
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Prov 12:26
Gal 6:9-10
Prov 4 & 5
Eph 6:10-18

strength ...

I have long been very curious about learning and dreams. Along with that I have always felt that what we are good at leads us to our dreams and our dreams are God-Designed to give back to the needs of the world. So you will find me always on the look out for any book and any person who has truly gone for their dreams with passion.

I found a book that I will not indorse because my journey is not about self-help but about God-Help. I entered into this reading with concern and it is this concern that I really wanted to talk about and stress. It was important to me to not get bogged down with feeling bad about not working professionally in my strength and with feeling angered over my weaknesses. This book could potentially make me quite upset or even undermine my faith. I wasn't going to have any of that.

As I got down and dirty with this book, I continued to decide to content in all things, to always come into His Courts with thanksgiving and praise, and most importantly that God is my Strength.

I do believe that we should always work our strengths and when our weaknesses rises up to meet us that we should use our strengths to get us through that tough patch. However, I also believe that God is my Stronghold and Dwelling Place. When I am in His Place, I cannot help but be in a safe place.

There will be temptations where the evil one will 'give us' what we already have if we just would wait. Temptations are those weaknesses that vary within each of us but it is something that is so easy to give into. Don't give in rather get in the Word and keep saying NO. A very 'well-meaning' weakness is to explain and give reason when a simple no should be enough. So often we forget that no is a complete sentence even when we ourself use it to keep a life choice and to keep a pure heart. Nothing will ever keep a no strong without talking back the Word to those insecurities and doubts than reciting and mediating on God's Love Letter to us. In our weaknesses God is made STRONG!

So here is to STRENGTH!!!!

anti-relationships ...

I think it is time for me to own up and be honest with myself. I have no clue how to make, keep, and maintain a relationship or a friendship. I long ago gave up on having a best friend. It is a myth. Now days after many many attempts and failures, I conclude that relationships and friendships are not a strong suit of mine and in fact it is a weakness. A weakness that no matter how much I desire, learn, and so desperately wanting, I get no where. Those I want to have in my life leave. Those that come into my life seek from me something I cannot give. What is up? I give up!

How do I let my gentleness be known to all men and still have a backbone of strength to not let the thief enter my stronghold? How do I still have mercy for a sinner and yet protect my faith? I have no clue. All I can do and all that I will do is immerse myself in the Word. "The Words of the Lord are PURE WORDS, like silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times." (Psalms 11:6) I want to be pure. Purity is beautiful. What girl doesn't want to beautiful?

I cannot speak well. I need to a pen and scrap paper to jot down key points in a brainstorm map. I need my keypad and my fresh white screen to clean out my thought process, making sense of a jumble mix of thoughts. Even then these are private thoughts between me and myself - and of course any reader who has landed here.

I have so many passages that remind me of my growth and my need to stay strong and be choosy with my friends. I cannot falter here. I have asked God why this person I thought was long gone and was relieved to see go - come back. I have to say no and I can when I am here alone with God and my Bible. Will I be able to do so ear to ear?

Here are some places my head has been:

"My son, if sinners entice you, DO NOT CONSENT." ~Proverbs 1:10

Prudence vs perverse ~ After doing a word study of Prudence in Proverbs, I will never mind being called a Prude ever again!

"Abstain from every form of evil." ~ I Thess 5:22

*** My relationship with God trumps any other relationship!! ***

choosy & proud

relationships

details ...

I was watching a movie where the details in the relationship was important. I was somewhat surprised. Is it true there are guys out there paying attention enough to notice 6 different smiles you might have? I like details and this would be quite cool to be shocked like that but have I put enough attention into someone that I notice and put a number on their little adorable quirk? I cannot think of one. Hmm, I think I should get busy and start counting the adorable details.

It must be noted here to the movie stressed the point that it takes a long relationship to gain the little nuances that are unspoken within a person's actions and behavior. These details are not about the favorites someone has. Sure you want to this in a relationship and you can ask. This is a bit harder. You cannot ask because the one you are taking notice of cannot see themselves. They don't know the answer. That is why this is so intriguing!

Six different smiles! Wow!