for the love of skates ...

As a child I never knew that the modern day Olympics existed until 1992. It was the year after college and with the movie Cutting Edge I was hooked on ice skating and hockey. Paul Wylie was my favorite skater because he was good and because he is a christian. It was a time when the skaters told stories with the music. It seemed I loved artistry of ice skating but I also loved the mental game of hockey as done well by Wayne Gretzky.

Today I don't have a favorite ice skater. It is harder to follow because it like the new scoring system took out the story telling and now it is about the jumps and the moves. I must say that with the Winter Olympics you do get to hear the back stories but I still haven't fallen for any of them. I have disliked greatly a certain mind set coming out of Russia. What bad sportsmanship. But what do expect from Puten. Then there are those countries that put way too much pressure on their athletes. I was so sad as I watched the girl figure skaters get their metals. South Korean winning gold was cool. Canadian winning bronze after her mother died was tearful joy as your heart was happy yet felt deeply for her. But then I really felt heart broken of the Japan winning silver as she really wanted the gold because of her country's pressure on her. Did she truly get to enjoy the moment or was she mad at herself? Grrrr... Then there are skaters who are way to flamboyant where it is about them and not about their sport.... So I have settled into the pair skating and especially the ice dancing. Amid the jumps and spins they can tell a story more easily even if it is the most simplest story of give and take between two people. Funny thing about influence.... last weekend my parents were commenting on they have no interest in any of the skaters. They said that I had no enthusiasm in the new skaters.....

Wellllll, I do have an interest with a skater. He isn't an ice skater nor a hockey player rather he is a speed skater. Yes, it is Apolo Ohno. Short track speed skating is a very wild sport and 'unfair' is the nature of the sport! It is like a demolition derby and horse racing together. It about crashes and who is taken out and who is left standing. Apolo's joy and let be attitude attracts me to the sport and he has made this sport popular. If this is his last year, like ice skating I might turn fickle and lose interest. Funny how it is the peeps that make the sport or break a sport for me.

Ok, today is the day. Gold metal round for hockey. Not wearing much red today. It is about the blue! I am sorry but big brother Canada does not own the rights! (I know I should live in Minnesota!) I think USA boys are young and have a lot of heart going into this. I am hoping to watch the game this afternoon as I go over to the parents.

single girl's questions ...

With fire set to the God-Ordained Marriage in these ‘last days’, wouldn’t a good God-Fearing married couple be a great witness to those demeaned it?

Shouldn’t God-Ordained Marriage be the living out of the true essence of Love as written in I Corinthians 13?

 

If marriage is what I call the last frontier in witnessing because it should reflect the God-Ordained Love given between a man and woman, then wouldn’t being a delightful Christian single living purely be the flip side of the last frontier in witnessing?  By answering this question with a firm yes gives purpose to living  this single life (even if it isn’t desired) with purity and joy.  I personally need to have a purpose and a value to my living or my doing.  Maybe now I can settle into being single a bit better and not feel so duplicitous in my desire for marriage and having to be single…  Maybe I can let go of the marriage desire …

 

If God molds us in a marriage, wouldn’t He be able to mold me without a marriage?  Wouldn’t He alone be able to cultivate my life?  Shouldn’t I trust He doesn’t need a man to mold or cultivate my life?  Shouldn’t I see this singlehood as His Plan and go with it like riding a bike with no hands?  His Control and not mine or man’s?  Yes, I should rest comfortably with that and stop my silly striving……!!!

chief with his knives ...

I hate confrontation of any kind because I become a molten melted mess inside.  The verse in Proverbs where it says ‘iron sharpens iron’ is a bit scary but I have pictures that help me be ok with the understanding.  Think of a master chef sharpening his knives.  He knows exactly how much sharpening to do.  He knows best. This is a comforting thought for me.  I like how my Master and King sharpens and cultivates me.  He knows best and gives good gifts.  An opposite picture would be like a big train braking and the wheels shoot sparks on the rails.  Not so good.  Good for stopping a speeding train but maybe not so good for the brakes or rails.  I’m not sure that is a excellent picture of a contrast to sharpening… How about using kitchen shears for cutting the plastic packaging from some electronic gismo?  Yeah, that really dulls the scissors.  You know, sharpening nor dulling feels good at the moment but sharpening makes you better and dulling just makes you a zombie ….… just a thought ….

harmonize vs. contrast

I wrote out a poem last week about a broken relationship I have.  I can’t repair it nor understand it from his point of view because he hasn’t shared it nor can I ask.  He is gone.  So here I am left with a wound.  I have looked at it from all sides like a jeweler examining a diamond and its worth.  We were two misfits that didn’t feel like misfits when we were together.  Five years later I see the contrast and it looms large.  I am a keeper and he is a leaver (even knew this about him within our friendship).  I know in relationships there are same things and different things in each of us that make us one together but when you discover a contrast that cannot mix…. I would call this a UTB (unable to breathe) moment.  I just cannot accept someone who is a leaver because it is not what I am about.   It doesn’t jive with me.  This is a major life struggle from little girlhood.   I believe without any doubt that when we get to Heaven that God is going to ask us about the people in our lives that we have discarded, ignored, or passed over.  (There are only two things here on this earth that are Eternal – God’s Word & people. ~ Swindoll) This weighs on me greatly.  I may be a keeper but I am also a loner not by choice.  I guess the nugget I am tossing around comes harmonize vs. contrast. What mixes & what doesn’t…..

 

Harmonize = blend pleasingly

Contrast = marked difference

 

Master Healer ...

I have some prayer burdens where there is loss of a loved one.  As I wrap them in prayer, I wonder at the gapping wound they are carrying.  I know that time doesn’t heal wounds and it is something you should never say.  So I have secretly prayed that that the Heavenly Father would smooth out the rough edges and that the pain they feel will one day be covered in precious memories they can enjoy and keep.  Yes, they will have a tear behind the smile but the wound gets better.  However, there are wounds that don’t heal or maybe wound isn’t allowed to heal…. I like having a Sure Foundation underlying my prayers which means I like to use the Bible as a reminder to me and to God about His Power.  I know God keeps our tears in a bottle as said in Psalms 56:8 but I wanted confirmation about healing up wounds cause by losing a loved one.  I happened upon a verse that I especially feel encouraged about.  Psalms 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds.”  This gives me peace.  Our broken hearts are healed in His Hands and those Patient Hands tenderly clean and bind up the wounds.  Interesting that He just doesn’t touch the wound but lets it heal under His Care.  This is a reminder to reflect the Healer when you are a tangible shoulder and ear for someone processing loss.  I whisper this verse as a prayer…. reminding myself that He will carry our grief and heal are broken hearts…

keeping the mind ...

How do I become successful at having a good weekend mentally and accomplish a lot?  Accomplishing everything on my list insures that my mental being is intact and up beat.  You know that feeling where you have extra energy to do those mundane things and you don’t feel it!  However, I sabotage myself because I filled my list to the top and then expect to check them off like the second hand of a clock clicking the seconds.  Then I am left in the evening hours of Sunday beating myself up and dreading the rat race that comes the next day knowing that I got nothing to show for my own endeavors.  So HOW…..? 

 

Make no list?  Limit the list to 3 items?  Make the list of all the things I accomplished on Sunday evening?  Celebrate every small victory?  Instead of the whole just focus on the smaller steps? 

 

Well, I am pretty sure I cannot go without a list!  I am still holding on to the fact that goals need to be set and a list is a way to set out to get those goals accomplished.  I am going to look at the smaller parts and celebrate them.  I am going to make sure that my hands are not idle but always hooking or knitting or creating or writing.  When Sunday evening, I am going to sigh a happy sigh filled with that energy to set about a new week a new creature.  I hope I am not just repeating a cycle.  I kind of feel this way every Friday but if I get stuck here then I am doomed.  {sticking fingers in my ears, squeezing eyes shut, humming loudly} 

 

I must say that God says to stop striving.  I have come to realize that this is a side effect and liability for a tenacious keeper like me.  {sighs} Well, I am going to attempt again to be kind to myself.  ß Maybe that should be my biggest to do!

knotted up ...

A project and a pattern have been pestering my heart.  I wanted a white furry yarn to make this particular Amigurumi.  I must say that I am still learning and there is no Lion Brand store here where I can go in and make swatch from the prospect yarns.  In fact I thought that being able to go in and make up a swatch was just a fancy notion.  However, I have changed thoughts and see how it just might have aided me.

 

I picked up this soft white yarn.  I thought it would make nice fur and it would be soft to cuddle.  What I didn’t look at or even think about was how thin this yarn is and the flick of silver is not good when I am a tight ‘stitcher’.  As I started out I was getting hung up on the silver threads and my hook would catch.  I finally got the head finished and because I don’t like to attach parts, I moved to what I thought was the neck and onto the body.  Nearing completion I looked back and didn’t like some holes that formed in the decreases and then I realize the neck was really the butt.  So I undid the project back to the neck …. but the yarn did not play nice.  It twisted and knotted.  In frustration the scissors came out and yarns were cut.  Good thing yarn is soft so that nothing breaks when you throw it…. {smiles}

 

I tried again using another white thin yarn that I had with the furry yarn but I counted wrong and yes, I had to undo.  Yes, I had another tangled knot and yes, after wasting a couple hours the scissors came out and yes, yarns were cut.  Yes, I threw the yarn to the ground several times. 

 

So I am back to my favorite Caron white yarn and this soft yarn to make a snowball to gauge if I will go this route or not.  I upped the hook size too.  It is hooking better.  It will make this Ami bigger.  It isn’t softer but more firm … not liking that!  I just might forgo the soft yarn altogether and stick to Caron white yarn. Oh my woes…..

 

A side effect to my addiction of Amigurumi is that I MUST have something created within a day or three.  It is a fix that makes me unexplainably happy.  It is a rush of bubbly heat when the face comes to be.  It gives me a fire to keep going and wallow in broken dreams.  So having nothing to show for my work for six days is causing a deflation in my mood.  I think tonight calls for whipping up some small quick cute and adorable whales.  Love them whales!  Easy to make and easy to give away!  Perfect fix!!! {smiles}

 

heart reverberation ...

“A sound heart

is life

to the body… “

~proverbs 14:30

 

Sound heart?  What could this mean as I look at the weight room of life?  As I stood there pondering, my eye caught certain sufficient heaps to work my heart into shape – heavy heaps like resonance, timbre, character, quality, tone, reverberation, significance, meaning, & importance.  Quietly from recent ‘learnings’ that God has been working out in my life, the question to ‘what is sound?’ whispered around me.  Smiling because I know this answer, I whisper back ‘God is the only thing sound, a Firm Foundation.  God Alone can being character, quality, tone, meaning, & importance into my heart making the timbre, tone, & resonance significant and reverberate outwards like harmony to His Melody….. So here I am in God’s weight room knowing that through sweat & tears a tender toned heart will bring life to this body ….

purpose of snow days...

I have a notion that winter and especially snow days are God's ways of saying, 'Hey, slow down and enjoy the beauty and warmth of family.' I got to have a blizzard when I was 10ish. It was seven days of going nowhere but digging out. We had a plastic red snow brick maker and we had a nice fort going on with the help of Mother Nature. I do remember that we as a family of four set out on foot to get to the local grocery store to get some food. It was nice to have everyone home and sheltered together. It was safe!

These days I when snows come, I hope for maybe having a blizzard again for seven days! Might not be such a good idea living alone or that much fun either. But I still think I could fill the days with things to keep occupied. When I still would want to have electricity and heat....!!!

So when I hear authorities saying, "Oh, we will have everything up and running by Monday." I just shake my head. Enjoy the time. Digging out is hard labor and let it shake up the fast pace out of control days. Slow it down and enjoy the creature comforts of home. But we are talking about Easterners who don't get the snow like we do here.... but even here there now is a rush to always get back to normal...

Ahhh, the good old days...!

dear john ...

"That was a weird ending," said the lady next to me in the theater. When caught off guard, I usually just smile and let it go. Then this thought kicked in that Mr. Nicholas Sparks errors on the side that life doesn't come in neat little packages. Besides the movie ending isn't the book ending. He doesn't get the girl.

This story is a love story and like all his books, you will cry. The movie gave a smidgen of hope that the two would end up together in the end but not so with the book.

The book has stuck with me because this is about the pain of rejection and not holding on when distance is part of the relationship. Love was given up without a fight. Oh, I know what that is!!!

Not sure this is a date movie. Maybe just see it with the girls or even alone like me. I rate this movie a 8.9 ... keeping to the book would have been much better....

Here are a few words from the book:
"In any marriage, there's room for only two people."

"... I finally understood what true love really meant. .... love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be."

These are found in the epilogue.

the headache ...

The biggest question I get is how I can eat the way I do. I have 36 food allergies which includes wheat and sugar so there goes the baked goods. Don't forget the chocolate which is the hardest for me to totally give up. Everything else I can totally do without. It has been tough on my family and I think it is very difficult for my father who loves cooking and flavor. (I have a sneaky suspicion that it is harder for guys in general to understand unless they have a food allergy themselves. it has been said to the way to a guy's heart is through their stomachs.)

Here is my feeble attempt to bottle up the fierce headache so you might get a glimpse of what it is like:
It usually begins in between the eyebrows or over the eye. The eyes are sensitive like they are swelling. Today it made my eyes very sleepy. All I wanted to do was to keep the eyes shut. Then there is a line from the middle of the eyebrows straight down to the stomach and you feel woozy. There is a slight chance you might just up-chuck (kinda like carsick but not in a moving vehicle!). The brain doesn't want to function and so thinking straight isn't happening. All you want is for the pain to stop NOW. You take aspirin but even if it finally cuts the searing pain the after effects are still there. It is like every pore on your head is swollen and even the ear ducts feel swollen. (Swollen pain like a busted lip kind of pain.) I never had a hangover but I think this has got to be pretty close. I don't think it is like a migraine but similar. So just take an aspirin and eat your chocolate isn't going to cut it. The other thing that surprises people even me is that the minute I eat a bad food, I still feel fine. It takes 24 hours for the food allergen to get into the blood stream and kill cells which is what the allergy is doing. No I don't swell up like people do with peanuts and it might not be life threatening but don't ask me in the middle of a major head pounding because it feels like dying would be a good thing to kill this pain. There is the hot cold thing that happens to your body too. When it finally eases up, you feel small and weak.

What a day and my head still isn't back to normal .... wondering what was in the seasoning for the wonderful chicken Dad made for Sunday lunch ....

36 food allergies & cc: headaches

He covers what I lack ...

I have pet words and then I have words that I use and know but don't know deep down. 'Grace' is one of those words. So indulge me a bit here as I flesh it out a bit.

'Grace' means God covers what I lack. I never stop with just Grace because with it I say the definition as well. Saying it comforts me. It is a quiet covering Strength that carries very burden and let the heart breath free.

This week a co-worker had to take time off for a loved one was in need of hospital care and it took an extra day. I had to cover for her Wednesday afternoon and then had to work late on Thursday to cover her work. I had planned to take off early as that is my errand day and it makes for a very long evening and a very hungry tummy. I wanted to help out but it still eats away when you plans fall through and you feel hurt because everyone else is taking their sweet time and all you want to do is get your own business done. Home is where you want to run to. Then I thought how lacking I am in the grace department. I am not alone either. It is a great comfort to know that my Heavenly Father never grumbles over covering my falterings and shortcomings.