Happy 5th Birthday, llj!

I started LLJ back in 2005 after a terrible month of May where a confidant wrote a good riddance letter and I was left sorely lacking in the conversation department. This confidant gave me a place to vocalize all the words that had been trapped for so long. I am a girl even if a bit on the quiet side and girls need to get their word allotment in or they become a not so nice word. One of the things the confidant had put out there was something about doing a blog together. I had begun the research and without his two cents anymore, I begun to pour my heart out here.

LLJ allowed me to vocalize and I found myself more peaceful. LLJ lets me speak and doesn't shut me up. Typing and seeing my words form on a white space gives my brain the allowance to think. It still amazes me that I might start with a very small speck of thought and then as my fingers do the writing dance, my brain begins to form strong thoughts, questions, and confidences.

I had hoped that I my writing would find friendly ears. I had thought this would be a great way to make strong connections and find fellow deep thinkers. I had also thought this would help me gauge my writing and thinking skills but no bites. So I keep training...

I started an addition in the past six months where I couldn't get enough of the Amigurumi world. From this I have grown the blogs I read. I love to listen to other women whether it be about their life, their home, or their craft. Reading blogs, crocheting, and my day job have sorely bit into my writing time. But I am a listener at heart and I find blogs a way to 'make friends' without them ever knowing and without the rejection or I have no time for you or your single and I am married jargon! Lame, I know but it is honest. All those barriers are gone in the blog world. Rock on wall flower girl!

So here is to the 5th year of the joys of writing and listening. May the this Mysterious Adventure I call my life-walk with Jesus Christ be fuller and richer with each new day.

4th bday
blogsphere

to my dear parents,

Happy 42nd Anniversary!

When the world teaches that friendships and relationships are 'throw-away-able', you two have shown the endurance and tenacity it takes in a valuable marriage.

Often when I come home from my family time with you two, I am thanking my Heavenly Father for you both. I am blessed to have your love and help. I cherish us!

When two people fell in love, a relationship rippled out and a family began. You two have shown us the value of having a relationship with Jesus Christ through voice but most importantly through God's Design of His Love via marriage and family.

always bunches of love.
your daughter

Tattered flag ...

I love Old Glory. It is a unique flag with colors of Red, White, & Blue. My home's color scheme is based on these colors from the cobalt blue jars and bottles to creamy stars. Blue is soothing and calm with a confidence to keep at the fight of good. Red is that fight and struggle to keep prudent and not let it be a bad thing to care for the values and morals of this country. White is standing on the absolutes of God's Right Ways.

I always see the Francis Scott Key's flag as he wrote about it so long ago. His eyes beheld a tatter flag. I can't help but see that this beautiful flag has become very tattered and frayed. We no longer put our trust in God and when we do that God no longer blesses us. We cannot cry out 'God Bless America' when we no longer fight for right ways.

Life in the womb is no longer precious nor is the role of women or men. We would rather change our sex or go same sex as an act of defacing the very Creator who created us as such. Yes, the flag is tattered .... and yet we want to be blessed..

"The wise woman builds her house. but the foolish pulls it down with her hands'' Prov 14:1

I have work to do ...

American Flag Day

to keep vs to discard ...

'A season for everything' ... a time to keep and a time to discard - This has gotten me into a real think tank again. I thought I was ok with it but it is a thorn that keeps poking me. I am a keeper hence the name I keep. At the beginning of this blog I had been discarded and it provoked me. I have always been a keeper. Yes, I know I need to discard some things around the home but what really gets the anger flowing through me is when we discard people and relationships. Now don't think that I haven't done my fair share of discarding. I have discarded a relationship that was hindering my walk with God and it wasn't taken lightly. For the most part I tend to keep and there is the issue of holding my hands too tightly.

Father Abraham had to learn the season of discarding by keeping his hands open and offering up Isaac to God in a sacrifice. When Abraham was willing to do so even in much pain, his hands hand were empty so he could hold onto the God-Given promise of the son and generations that numbered the stars to follow. I have dealt with the questions of have I kept my hands open and allowed God the gift He gave me. I know I failed and I wonder if even with the gift gone, are my hands still open?

A modern day story has me wondering about how to know if it is the season to keep or to discard. A son taken by a native Brazilian mother back to her home country and then divorced her husband. She remarried and then later died. The father has been trying to get his son back home but the mother's family is holding on very tightly.

Shouldn't a father go after his son and never give up? How far does he go? Should he give up and if so when? When do you do all you can and when do you let God handle it? What does it mean to let go? Are you discarding if you let go? Or can discarding be a form of empty the hands so you have room to hold on to God's Almighty Hand?

Do not answer the questions to quickly or even at all. This is too hard to fathom. It is too huge for my heart and mind. I am left to wondering if the seasons of keep and of discard are similar in the fact that the main question to ask oneself is what will honor God? Even so, the season to keep and the season of discard is a ripping of the heart....

don't speak ... just listen...

growing faith ...

In a conversation of a friendship that needed to end the guy told the girl that he had never met someone so intent on growing. The girl took it as a compliment even if it didn't seem to be. She was growing and hoped that she could prove her growth by ending this friendship that should not be.

With my years on this earth I cannot imagine not growing. As I look at other earthlings I wonder if they feel the same way or not or if they are just contented with life as is. The boy in above story seems to be one that just takes life as is and himself as is. I find that stagnate and if there is seeking, it is a seeking after things that cannot satisfy. This would drive me crazy!

I am trying to move from strength to strength as described in Psalms 84:5-7.
"Bless is the man whose strength is in You,
whose heart is set on a pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca/Weeping,
they make it a spring;
the rain also covers it with pools.
They go from strength to strength..."


I was listening to Pastor Adrien Rogers this week and he spoke on growth. I took some notes:
'When you cease to grow you cease to go good.''
*faith that knows
+faith that grows
+faith that shows
=fruitful (not barren)

Add to your faith
virtue
knowledge
temperance / self control
patience
loving kindness
charity
~II Peter 1:5

'It is a precious faith. Give all diligence to grow.'

helpmate for the girl?

I am standing before my beautiful creamy light soft yellow brand new low end refrigerator and I am pleased with the clean, new, and tobacco free smell. I can live with the freezer being slightly smaller! Bummer. I had secretly hoped for a bigger freezer as it is a great friend for the single girl living on her own and it is more economical but I will live happily with it.

However, there is a slight problem. If you were here, I would have you go open my brand new frig. I am almost positive that you would open it just the way I did because of the kitchen set up. It is a natural subconscious thought to open the frig according to way the kitchen is set up. Well, I went to open the frig and I couldn’t. I first thought I did not have strength because of the newness and the seal is strong. No, the door was switched making it so that I have to open the opposite side. Now this would be perfect for the apartment across the hall as that lay out would be opposite of mine. Sorry, but the frig needs to open up so that one has access to oven and sink. It is not conducive to easy prep and cooking. It is not time to hide the food from the cook or make for weight loss routine!

I am a put-together type of person. I am not afraid of do-it-yourself projects like the bookcases and shelving that you get at the store. I even do it for my Mom who has Dad who could do it for her but I volunteer because actually I love to put things together. It is an accomplishment! So here I am standing before this beautiful simple frig thinking that I just might be able to switch these doors on my own even with me being a lightweight gal. I know I could do it but there are some hinges that look a bit involved and I would have to get or borrow some tools. And there is the lifting the door and holding it together while taking it apart and putting it together. I just might need some help. They left the manuel and I have been scouring over the instructions. I want to change it on my own. I don’t want to ask some male to fix it for me. Plus, why didn’t the guys think about this before putting it together????? Both the old frig and the temp open correctly so why didn’t they think of these things? And why do you get a lot of grump and fuss and wait time when you ask guys to help you get it right?

I am pretty sure Dad would say to make them come do it right. I hate doing it even if I use a lot of gratitude and pretty tone. I feel bad. I feel in the wrong for asking for one more thing. I sure don’t want to be the nag but why does it seem that the males make us nags and then bust our chops over it?

What I am really getting at is that God has made the woman to be the helpmate to the man not the man as the helpmate to woman. I am a girl and I do understand the qualities of a good helpmate because I feel it deep inside and I have a great desire to be a good helpmate. However, I feel I need a helpmate at times. Sure guys are to be the protecter and provider but they lack that go-to wing’wo’man that they need. I guess a helpmate for a woman would be another woman or hand maiden but I need some brawn and brute strength! Maybe I need to switch to ‘guy-speak’. Hey, you could provide some ease in the kitchen if you would switch the door on the frig? You would protect me from the grumps too!

Oh well, I am off to cook up my favorite summer meal. I like to dice up potatoes and fry them up. (a step, slide, slide w/ frig) While the potatoes are browning, the eggs is are in a hard bubble bath. (a cha cha cha w/ frig) When they are almost ready, I sweat the mushrooms, sweet onions, and garlic. (a twirl around w/ frig) When they are translucent, I sweat down the spinach. OOOOOh so good! Even two stepping with the refrigerator.

I guess I shall be sending them another request on Monday.

“Dear Maintenance Men,
A huge thank you for the new refrigerator! That was a lot of work twice! I love the color and the clean smell. I have another request. May I get the door switched on the frig? It would make it easier to cook. It is opposite of the way it was before. A huge huge thank you.”

remembering a soldier ...

To see last year's freedom rock:
2008's Freedom Rock

Remembrance ...

Oh how the human mind forgets! Oh how we fail in this important task to remember... It is key in our life journey and our relationships. If we fail to remember, we fail ourselves and others. Without remembering the good, the dark evil thoughts begin to crowd in and all light is extinguished. Today is Memorial Day and with it comes history that we forgot and are reminded. It isn't the big events but the small human parts that made up the whole that usually drags a tear from my eye. We have the flags and the poppy to mark the lives and patriotic song to stir us up again but oh, how we need to mark the Mighty Works and Attributes of the Almighty God.

Here is the Hand of God working in the small bits of our human lives. To us they are huge but to God all of these small bits are orchestrated in the large fabric of His Plan. Each of us is important to Him and in each of us He has created juicy tidbits that make us unique and then He has invited us to take Him on in the Adventure and Mystery He has individualized just for us to grow strong and settled in His design. He marks us as Royalty. Oh how I often feel like a peasant girl in tattered rags because I have forgotten that I am in His family - a royal family.

Psalms 145: 4-5
One generation shall praise Your Works to another, and shall declare Your Mighty Acts.
I will meditate on the Glorious Splendor of Your Majesty, and on Your Wondrous Works.

Some of His recent Wondrous Works in my life:
*Provided me w/ just enough to live on my own
*Giving me Joy in my last unemployment
*Knowing He will take me through this unemployment
*Giving me a job again & will give sight to this 'blind' one
*Knowing there is a Gift in this little crisis for me to yet discover...

As I think on my words, I can't help but fall back on TRUST. When you go back to remember and you declare His Mighty Acts, remembrance is to allow yourself to TRUST that He is in control. Often is shows how distrusting we are too. It is getting back to the simplicity of casting all to Him. It is letting go of everything so your hand can be filled by His Hand. Now that is security... It is also admitting that we just cannot see. Our sight is gone. It is to wait on Him to give sight to our sore blind eyes... eyes new and shining ... with tears of Joy at His Awesomeness....

whistling in the dark ...

I have been messed up all week and unfortunately it shows on my face and I am unable to speak much. Others were beginning to notice. By others, I mean strangers. This has been frustrating me that I know what I should do but getting there has been a hard to do.

I called my parents Friday afternoon hoping that Mom was home from work early but I got Dad who took the afternoon off. A nice conversation with him has allowed me to get out of my funk and I am quite pleased. We talked about God's plan and how it could help me with my dreams if I should go into self employment. We talked about how our personalities are introverts and how it is ok to speak out when there is something we don't understand if done in respect. Our quiet personalities allow for deep thought and bosses tend to want to hear them. We talked about it being ok to be frustrated at myself for being frustrated about having a job opportunity even if it isn't what I had hoped. I am indeed very fortunate to have this job. We talked that it spoke much about the company wanting to hire me back when there were others to pick from.

I think what tipped me over to the right thinking was that he said it was ok to be frustrated for being frustrated over what I was feeling. He didn't say I was wrong and just that help kick start me out of my rut.

Earlier in the day I stumbled upon Psalms 145 & 146. I am so glad that God makes the blind see. I now feel I have verses to pray on as I go through this time in my life. I have wrote at the bottom of I Peter to go straight to Psalms 100, 145, & 146. I Peter is all about suffering and casting all upon God but through that suffering you definitely need something to whistle on. These Psalms are perfect for whistling in the dark...

tale of two cities ...

Like a city whose walls are broken down
is a man who lacks self control.
~ proverbs 25:28

There is a city whose walls are broken down. There is garbage in the streets. It is a noisy and scary place with yelling and gunfire the norm. Houses, sidewalks, swing sets, and cars are broken down. Stores, roads, and bridges are broken down. Churches look like a ghost town. People look tired and roughed up. Disrespect runs wild. You don't want to be caught alone out in the streets. Nothing is holding the city together. Travelers see the broken walls and the spillage so they avoid the city at all costs.

Then there is a city whose walls are built up and contained. Within there are gardens and picket fences, little houses and swing sets, flowers and flags, clean sidewalks and kids playing, neighbors being neighborly and hands helping up. This is the place to be where respect is king. At night the houses twinkle with lights and fires in the hearth. It is ok to be out at night but the best place to be is around the supper table. Travelers come and stay awhile just to soak up a simpler time.

As I tell this tale of two cities these walls are not about keeping others out but rather about living inside your box without spilling your waste into others lives. I have always called that living outside your box. Please don't get that confused with thinking outside the box which is good. Living outside your box is very unneighborly, disrespectful, and down right rude. Think about going to a nice restaurant to have a delicious meal with all the good home cook aroma to only have it messed up by someone who wants to smoke. (Sounds like where I live!)

I was humbled when I read this Proverb as I am wrapping my mind and trying to get my stubborn heart to mind itself over this opportunity to work even though my heart was wishing for my dreams to come true. I need a bit of self control. I need to put the smoke out. I need to get it right...

''A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor rather than silver and gold.''
~prov 22: 1

''Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before unknown men.''
~prov 22:29

So here is to self control, loving favor, and being a hard worker...

acceptance ...

{Sighs} I got word that I got the job in bill of materials even after what I thought was a bad interview by one of my answers. I had been a mess since I got word from the old work place about this job. It was an opening that happened once before and I ducked down not wanting it then nor do I want it now. Only by telling God that this was not my strength and that I would actually have to break my will so that I would come to it with a good attitude did the angst begin to die down. What was horrifying to me was Mr. Potts who won Britain's Got Talent came to my mind. He came to the contest a beaten and broken down man who had been stuffed into a job he didn't like. I don't want my dreams to die out on me. Anyways, I felt that the others who interviewed would get it before me. Nope, I got it. Now with unemployment you have to accept what is offered to you or you don't get paid what time you were off. This infuriates me. However, I have till Tuesday to get my attitude under control.....

from "Bedside Blessing" - May 19 - by Chuck Swindoll
'The secret to responsible trust is acceptance. Acceptance is taking from God's Hand absolutely everything He gives, looking into His Face in trust and thanksgiving, knowing that the confinement of the hedge we're in is good and for His Glory. Even though what we're enduring may be painful, it's good simply because God Himself has allowed it. Acceptance is resting in God's goodness, believing that He has all things under control - ...'
Let us not lose heart
in doing good, for in due time
we will reap
if we do not grow weary.
~Gal 6:9

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: THE BOSS
Subj: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

"Humble yourselves under the Mighty Hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time. Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour.

Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all Grace, who called us to His Eternal Glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, established, strengthen, and settle you.

To Him be the Glory and Dominion forever and ever. Amen.''
~1 Pet 5:6-11

"Wait on the Lord;
be of good courage,
and He will strengthen your heart;
WAIT, I say, on the Lord''
~Ps 27:14

Will my dreams matter here on earth?

dream promise ...

Hebrews 11 is God's listing of the Ancients who lived their lives in FAITH. What really pulled on my heart was verse 13 and following but here I will just talk about verse 13.

''These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.''

Did not the Ancients dream these promises given by God? You bet they did!!!! I am pitched over in wonder and in this frighting awe. Could I dream my dreams without them coming true? Please note that I am not saying my dreams born deep inside just begging to come out is the same as God-Given Promises to the Ancients. However, just thinking what I should do about my dreams ... Again seeking God is the perfect plan...

anatomy of strength ...

Strength is lightness in your step.
Strength is an insatiable need to learn more.
Strength is addictive.
Strength makes the twinkle in the eye.
Strength is time stopping or getting lost in the moment.
Strength is food most necessary for the heart to survive.
Strength is humble and in awe of the potential.
Strength is not of your own making but is from God's.
Strength is an uprising of unstoppable excitement.
Strength is highly desired in what you do.
Strength gets you out of bed and makes you ready for the day.
Strength is a challenge you want to achieve.
Strength is growing and stretching.
Strength is feeling alive.
Strength is arms open wide and a glowing face tipped back with a smile bursting.

Here I go again getting my 'believe in your dream' soapbox out and standing firmly up it. But after going in a tailspin over a job offer that I would have to break my will to do, I came to the midnight conclusion that this job offer needs to go to someone who really enjoys it. I have found a peace that it will be alright if it goes to someone else. However, I am not sure what I will make of it if the job offer is offered to me. I have prayed and I am still seeking God's Word in this matter. I most hated myself and my feelings yesterday. Today's outlook is bright. I do have a renewed energy to enjoy my jobless state. I felt very embarrassed when an old co-worker asked if I was enjoying my time off. Honestly I wasn't ... totally - just in parts. Now for enjoying all parts.

herbal dream seeds ...

This no green thumb girl is at it again. I have always wanted to grow herbs because they bring simple flavor to a simple dish of grub. I think it all started because Mom had chives out in the garden and it was my job to cut the blades for that nights supper whether it was for the potatoes or lettuce salad or Mom's favorite chicken salad. Chives has always been my favorite herb with its soft bite of onion or garlic pizazz.

Being an apartment dweller I have tried to be an indoor pot green thumb. Chives, lavender, lemon trees - I am sure there where other things that I have tried with tears of frustration and anger pooling in my eyes because they ended in failure. So have I learned my lesson that I am only successful at growing the Philodendron? Nope. The Philodendron is a plant that takes it when the water source is lacking but for my love of herbal side, it doesn't feed the flavor of food.

Being unemployed at the moment I thought it was time to try my thumbs at some herbs. Instead of doing them indoors or even outdoors here at the apartment, I will be doing them at my parent's place. It won't be as convenient as running down to sip herbs for the meal at hand but maybe being outside where animals won't pee on or where they won't be mowed down by fast lawn boys or ripped out by children. They might have a chance.

My three choices in this round of the green thumb dream is Garlic Chives, Oregano, and Cilantro. The pots where selected, the holes covered, the dirt filled in and watered, the seeds planted. Now for the wait. Oh, if I could stop the worry too. The Oregano seeds were sooooo tiny! But with every seed within lies a living hope, right?

As I tell this tale of my herbal journey, it really is about my dream journey too. I have soooo many dreams that I keep planting and nothing happens. I am sooo tired. I am sooooo frustrated. I wonder why God has made me so with these creative dreams and this drive where I am a bit of a loner. I hate following the crowd and question the followers true path.

I figured that God was working a new thing in my life with this job loss as He had with the last one. Maybe this time I would be able to follow my dreams. But I got a call last night from the work that permanently laid me off. It is not the Accounts Payable that I was in but for costing. Accounts Payable was a good place and much better than costing for me. Don't I have to take this job in order to get Unemployment Benefits? Here it goes again that the company has more power than I and there goes my dreams. It upsets me so that I feel this way. I was suppose to be more grow up in my faith. I am suppose to tackle this with JOY and I am failing.

I so wanted to try to write for a living where in my free time I would be creative. I have planted the dreams seeds out to see what would happen. I was hoping for little green to peek through the dirt. Some seeds died underneath the dirt and some popped up green leaves to only wither away. I know every crisis contains a gift but I haven't figured out what is beneath the painful wrappings. I am out of whack so I am trying to seek God's Word. Do I really trust and obey? I must. I must...

from Bedside Blessings - May 18 by Chuck Swindoll
'You don't have to promote yourself if you've got the stuff. If you're good, if you are to be used of God, they'll find you. God will promote you. I don't care what the world system says. I urge you to let God do the promoting! Let God do the exalting! In the meantime, sit quietly under His Hand. That's not popular counsel, I realize, but it sure works. Furthermore, you will never have to wonder in the future if it was you or the Lord who made things happen. And if He chooses to use you in a mighty way, really 'exalt' you, you won't have any reason to get conceited. He did it all!
A humble spirit will obtain honor.
Proverbs 29:23

I have a castle to keep, armor to put on, and hiding the Word of God in my heart so that all that I say and do is humble and gives glory to God. I must keep the flag of JOY, Living Hope, and Trust flying high and strong. I will see in due time the dots that seem erratic line up.

Fear NOT little girl. Do you trust Me?

restraint!!!

'Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law'
- Prov 29:18

I have come this proverb often and it catches me in wonder. We are having problems with church and the pastor. There seems to be much about feeling good with God instead of obedience. I just can't help but see that there is no real revelation of God or His Word in the pulpit. It is hard to look around and see so many taking this. What really blows my mind is that the older and wiser (?) ones do not do a thing about it. Dad says that they did do something about in a few years back and that they are to tired to do something now. Dad is frustrated as the power has skipped his generation and has gone to the younger ones who have no real depth and root in the Word. All restraint is off. World ways have gain access into the believer's way. Old Paths have been forgotten...

As for me my choice must remain in the Word and to keep Old Paths...

friend of God ...

Why would I want the Almighty God to stoup down to be my friend when what I know of as friends are fickle, unreliable, and limited? There has been much verbiage in the family about the pastor's continue reference to God as a friend. I don't think we are opposed to God having the aspect of friendship as part of who He is but to only see Him as friend is very dangerous.

The only time I see God as my Friend when I am all alone and weighed down with burdens too heavy for me. He isn't a human type of friend. He is loyal and there for me from the beginning to the end. I am His only concern. He wipes the tears away. However, He isn't the type of friend where I pat Him on the backside in fun. He is much more and deserves my humble respect and honor. There is this Cloud of Glory around Him. I don't want to belittle His Awesomeness.

Abraham was called the friend of God (James 2:23). Don't get crazy and flip the verse to God being a friend of Abraham. It was Abraham, a human being, that was a friend of God. Interesting isn't it? Then there is Proverbs 18:24 ''A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: but there is a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother.'' This verse is a favorite friend of mine but here is shows God in the aspect of how close He is to us. It does NOT speak of us keeping God at a friendship level.

Definitely food for thought...

little bro's big day ...

Saturday was a day you really couldn't predict the weather. All week it was rainy or sunny. The day of claimed only 30% chance of rain. The morning started early with a bit of sun and lots of wind. Dad was doing a lot of wind fighting with the vehicle. This was going to be the first time to get on the inside of the gym / auditorium. Wow! Pretty nice! It was like a small version of what you might have at a big sports arena. Big screens everywhere so that every seat had a good view.

Little bro graduated with his master's degree in counseling. What was a surprise was that he was doing so with magna cum laude honors!! He didn't even know until rehearsal! Our aunt said that he should wear his yellow cords to his job interviews!! She is a riot! But I must say sounds like a great idea!

I was very moved during the ceremony because of being able to come back to my college and sing some old hymns that the churches around here are throwing out the window. ( I asked bro if the college was still singing the hymns and he said that they were singing the new stuff. Bummer. However, dad said that the college was going to put emphasis on the hymns because it is an art form compared to the new ditties.) I love the coming in of the flags! There also was flags from every country represented in the graduation. Australia was there! The President of the college spoke very well and encouraged the grads to use their gifts but don't forget to listen. Then there was a prayer with a bit of humor that was needed in a time of struggling for a job. He was a parent of a grad and asked the Heavenly Father for those 3 special words 'job with benefits'. It was just sooooo good.

We walked out into cold and bits of rain! Where did the sun go! We took pictures and headed to bro's house for a party. What was super nice for my mom was that all her siblings showed up. We got to commune together and it was great to catch up. My mom told little bro that it was a very special gift to her. The sun did finally decided to come out as the peeps started to leave. It just was a great time.

visual crochet ...

I have said before that I am an Amigurumi junkie. I guess it was the perfect storm... First my job was becoming unstable. With that I go for learning something new. My mother's mom crocheted and knitted but I never asked to be taught. I couldn't wrap my mind around being able to use my left hand with my right hand. Huge projects like blankets or clothing didn't intrigue me but the little granny square did leave a hole in my creative heart. Fast forward many years and I discovered knitting looms which took care of the knitting part but I still could not do the granny square. Then this new thing started cropping up in creative blogs - Amigurumi. These small stuffed toys brought me full circle to my childhood where a great friend that was a small stuff puppy that I could hide away easy but bring it out when needed. As an aunt I wanted to learn crochet for the sole purpose of making little friends for little ones. It was a struggle as I self taught through online pictures. I even did the magic ring you tube. I finally did it.

I am learning everything I can and I still haven't made the granny square just yet but will. I did discover a book at the library called Blueprint Crochet. I got it because their was a pattern for a purse. Simple dc circles attached to each other looked easy enough for me. When I finally took a deeper look, I was surprised by the lack of 'normal' instructions of abbreviations! Let me tell you trying to self learn by these abbreviations is quite daunting and set me packing several times. Hey, I am visual and the only way I could pick it up was by still photographs. What Blueprint Crochet is about is the visual pattern instruction. Gone is the abbreviations and in the place is bird like scratches in a pattern. When you look at the bird scratch pattern, you visually see what the finish product looks like. The author who is a visual learner as well pointed out a great thought - if you learn this bird like scratches, you can read patterns from Japan and Russia (etc). It is a universal language. Amazing! I do have one pattern from Japan with this bird like scratches but it has abbreviated instructions so I didn't really look at the pattern. I shall be paying attention!

A thought of mine comes to me that this just might help me design my own thing. However with Amigurumi, I think the best design comes from just trying something since it is mostly about shaping. Outside the Amigurumi world, there are flowers and small things that excite me too. I think here the bird like scratches will come in handy. The author said there was computer programs to aid in making these patterns so you don't have to do it all my hand. She didn't give any names so it will be a google search.

I believe that if I am lucky to teach crochet and pass this fun to another, I will be using both kinds of instructions. I am a huge believer that we all learn in different ways (aka 7 smarts). Teaching just one way leaves out a lot but teaching in several ways, dots begin to connect. Wa-la, you got it!

sufferings ...

There are verses underlined in I Peter but I got a new understanding this week when my quiet time lead me to verse 19 of I Peter 4. ''Therefore, let those who suffer according to the Will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good as to a Faithful Creator.'' What caught my eye was the Will of God.

Ask the right question. What am I to do when I suffer whether it be persecution, sickness, loss, or job loss? Answer? Commit my everything to God, my Creator and continue in doing good. The wrong question is asking what the Will of God is! It is all ready listed in His Letter to us. Just trust and obey!!!!! He is more patient than I. It is just that it is so at the surface for me. I don't want to go back to 'not knowing' when I truly know if I dig into the Word. I refuse to ask questions that I will not get an answer for! Sounds bizarre and I am not sure how to convey it. All I know is that if I follow God's Will that is spelled out in His Word than knowing what I am to do (aka: profession/vocation) with my life will fall into place.

What I love about God's Word is that I may have read this passage or book several times but I can always find something new. I love seeking in God's Word. Reminds me of a dog digging in the dirt and all you see is the behind and back feet intent on scooping out buried treasure. So sniffing out all around this verse I found a huge gems on suffering. All of I Peter is a guide to suffering! It is a great comfort.

Do you know that suffering is part of being a believer? Get this! ''Beloved, do NOT think it strange concerning the fiery trail which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you.'' I Peter 4:12. How many times have I heard people say why is this happening to me? I find myself asking it slightly different so as not to be an incorrigible child. Like 'I don't understand. Am I that dumb or stupid that I can't learn whatever lesson You are trying to teach me?' Basically, I am asking why. I know, why should never be in your vocabulary when you are addressing God. Asking why is showing the lack of faith. This fiery trial that is present in my life is here by design by the Creator just tailored to try me. Hmm, means that God is present!!!!

The next verse says to REJOICE!!!! Be a partaker of Christ's sufferings so that His Glory is revealed. True gladness comes from this! How do you be a partaker of Christ's sufferings? Renewed mind and heart. Staying soft in His Arms. Being a vessel He can use. Delighting and savoring Him....

Try I Peter. Find the comfort and peace that only God can give you...

teamwork in the workplace ...

As I was updating my resume, I came to the two words that I have dealt with in my personal life but here they were again in my work life. 'Working alone' & teamwork' are the perps. In my personal life I have realized a problem between the two. I am a single girl living a single life but desperately trying to live a team life. I am always searching ways to be a good wife and trying to work it in my single life. I finally realized that I had one foot in the single life because of course that is reality and the other foot is in a couple-hood w/no mate which was total fantasy on my part. A great word picture would be that you are riding a fence that is going no where. I now have a word for it or a label - it is duplicity. Guess what duplicity means? It is deceitfulness and double dealing! Yikes! I was mortified to see that I had been deceitful with myself.

I am a life learner and I will be working out how to be a good wife but in my single life. I have a relationship with Christ Jesus and I am His Bride. No more duplicity.

Now to my work life. I noticed that I work best on my own without a boss hovering over my every move. In fact I had a piece of that until the they consolidated and I had more boss. I struggle with it very much. Now I do like team ship and always will but I believe that it really doesn't work in the business world as it should. I have not had an example of good teamwork in any of the places that I have worked. It has always been about self rise or the corporation over the group of people that make that corporation run.

A team is about each person bringing their strength to the group and working that strength. However, in the work world there is too much competition and stepping on each other to be better and get the better bucks. When you are not wired to compete, you make a good rug. So when it comes to the resume, what do you put down?! I am smirking because what I would put down with bare bone honesty which would guarantee a paper airplane ride to file thirteen with amazing turbo speed.

Maybe my definition of team for the business world needs to change a little bit. My personal definition for team is working your strengths out for the us. I have made a commitment and feel that this team member is worthy of my devotion and protection. I am always going to seek out their good. Not so good at work when you have to be in a group and you have no choice but the choice to work at this workplace and this workplace should trump any individual rise up the corporate ladder. Ok, I do think I have gone around the mulberry bush a tad too many times!

Well, on my resume I have it as that I am a hard worker who works great alone and likes teamwork. It is as honest as I can get. If they ask about teamwork, I will tell them that a good team is each person contributing their best strength for the workplace. I do believe that is the best teamwork for a business. It may be that I am settling for the good of the corporation and not for the little people that make it up but ultimately for me it comes back to little old me giving my best work as I work unto God and not man. It just might mean that I am 'used' but there is a bigger picture.... God's glory.

If Jesus is with me ...

It may be in the valley, where countless dangers hide;
It may be in the sunshine that I, in peace, abide;
But this one thing I know—if it be dark or fair,
If Jesus is with me, I’ll go anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!

It may be I must carry the blessèd Word of life
Across the burning deserts to those in sinful strife;
And though it be my lot to bear my colors there,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!


But if it be my portion to bear my cross at home,
While others bear their burdens beyond the billow’s foam,
I’ll prove my faith in Him—confess His judgments fair,
If Jesus stays with me, I’ll stay anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!


It is not mine to question the judgment of my Lord,
It is but mine to follow the leadings of His Word;
But if to go or stay, or whether here or there,
I’ll be, with my Savior, content anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!


Words & Music: C. Aus tin Miles, 1908 (MI DI, score).

Yes, what a great reminder that I can do what is before me because Jesus goes with me! It is about obeying the leadings from His Word and not getting stuck in the automatic negative thoughts. It is remembering -> 'Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.' (Matt 6:13) It is making sure that 'your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock.'

the bit or no bit ...

Swindoll was speaking about Psalms 32:7-11 this week. There is a chorus on Psalms 32:7 heard on BNN that is haunting and reminds me of the Phantom of the Opera! So I was intrigued to hear what more I could glean from this passage.

Swindoll was speaking how God was speaking in verse 8 and I was pulled into the word picture of the donkey and horse needing a bit to have them listen to the boss. I realized that during these times of Hiding Places, I need to follow willing and joyfully my Heavenly Father. He is such an excellent guide always keeping His eye on me. So when I don't know what to do, follow God!

6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to You
while You may be found;
surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him.

7 You are my Hiding Place;
You will protect me from trouble
and surround me with Songs of Deliverance.
Selah

8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.

9 Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.

10 Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.

11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!

~ Psalms 32

the race set before me ...

I was intrigued by the words set in Hebrews 12:1-3 ~the race set before me~. It isn't the race I imagined or wanted. It isn't the normal rat race set up by mere weak men. It IS a race set out by God for me. It is a race that is unknown and scary and something I have put my mind to before but have not put my feet to until now.

However, I need not worry about my feet but rather my eyes. The next words following this set race is 'looking to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith'. Oh, wow! With my eyes fully fixed on Jesus, I can FINISH this race with my head held high and joy overflowing in my heart!!!

1) Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
2) Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3) Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
~ Hebrews 12

a woman's work place ...

Two weeks ago when I had great angst about my woman boss did I really try to put to thought and words what I have been feeling all along about women in the work place. So here it goes!

I have never truly felt at home in the work place but I am the bread winner so I must I am not into competition and a bit shy. I do not like to follow the crowd nor to I do to well with being told what to do. I cringe and get smaller under criticism. I have always wanted to be a part of a good team but never found one. I am not a leader type because no one wants to follow me. I am a very hard worker and find myself working my best at being left alone. It may sound like I am not a good worker but I know that is not true. I am most dependable.

I have been seeking the Word for clues to my malaise and I keep going to Proverbs 31 for help. She starts off as being valuable to her husband. She is confident and good not for selfish means but in the care for her husband and home.

Now begins with the work that she does. She is able to select wool and flax and is eager to work with it. Now I didn't always work with yarn so I am not going to say a true woman must - no. I do believe that a woman knows what works best in her hands when it comes to what she is good at. Next she gathers food from afar. Hmm, I used to bake before I found out where my HA's came from. I cook but am not confident to have others taste and critique. But I do gather here that she is interested in nourishing her family. She knows what is good for them and what isn't. She also knows the health of family. She gets up early! Well, ugh... Moving on... She is a leader as she cares for her family and her servant girls. Well, lookie here. She has servants to help her but to honestly put it into day's world, it shows that she can lead. She buys land and with her earnings plants a vineyard. She is a gardener. She likes plants and flowers. She knows what feeds not just the body, but the mind, heart, and soul. I love the fact that she has strong arms and works vigorously. She is a hard worker and not afraid to get into it. She sells what she makes or gardens. She likes the trade. She is generous to those in need. Her home is warm and her family are clothed in warmth. Her home is decorated in royal colors of richness. Her list goes on and on.

Bottom line a woman's work is creative, nurturing, home keeping, and generous. Two words? A creator & nurturer. So how does a modern day woman deal with the business world? What if a woman isn't creative but a numbers girl? Can she be a biblical woman in the business dog eat dog world? Can a woman bring the woman of Proverbs 31 into the work place?

I know I feel frustrated in today's work place. I know I am a Proverbs 31 type of girl. I am creative and a nurturer. I like being at home. I like keeping my home but I must work. So what if I could find work being a Proverbs 31 girl in the work place? And what would it look like?

looking forward ...

I've been a funk and I know better. I do think it is a process to travel through and to get my bearings for the new terrain. You can prepare and thought you have traveled this spot once before, but it still acts new and it is like processing a death. All deaths are unique and new. So I can either get more into a funk or be ok and move forward.

God is good at giving me His Word to hold onto. Today Luke 9:62 really caught me and challenges my mind when it seems easier to give into the dark thoughts and immobility they bring. ''But Jesus said to him, 'No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the Kingdom of God.''' I was feeling pretty guilty. More Words & Word Pictures came to mind. I do not want to be a Lot's wife who looked back and became forever a pillar of salt. She outright rejected God's best for her. Instead God wants us to be salt - tasty and light.

I have found a small treasure trove of verses that put your focus in the right direction.

''Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
~ Isa 43:18-19

... forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press towards the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. ~ Phil 3:13-14

Let your eyes look straight ahead,
and your eyelids look right before you.
Ponder the path of your feet,
and let all your ways be established.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
remove your foot from evil.
~ Prov 4:25-27

What I need to get back to was the grow spurt I had at my last job loss. I focused on God-Victories. I sang chorus & hymns. I meditated on God's Word. I hope that I shake off this fog and get on with this unexpected home time. I do have a lot to do with my home and with my creativity. Now is the time to sing, talk back, organize, and get creative - oh, and look for another job...

Marley & me ...

I would rate this movie a 9.5. Mom says anyone who is thinking about a dog should see this movie. Having a dog is an investment and should never think that when it get hard to do that giving up the dog as in option.

We have 3 puppers and love them all. They are toy fox terriers. My parents got Bobby and Andy after the loss of Sam a black toy fox terrier. Bobby and Andy are brothers and they work together as a team when it comes to protecting their home and people. Bobby sees things and will alert Andy. Andy doesn't seem to 'see' as well but he is a little tank and the hair on the back of his neck stands tall as he is a little fighter. Andy is the smallest but he is boss. He will guard the empty discarded cookie box from the others! Tink is the addition because little bro couldn't handle him anymore since an addition of their little girl. But after watching Marley, Tink is better behaved!

All three puppers have given their hearts to us as we have given our hearts to them. They are the best at helping you laugh when the days are anything but laughable. They are animated and warm. They look at you with their puppy eyes begging for treats or tummy rubs and sitting there watching a movie about the love of pups and rubbing tummies of sleeping pups brings delight to my sore heart.

I found myself laughing hard and crying just as hard too. I am emotional all the time now but I think I really cried too much because of the thoughts in the back of my mind are about my next steps in being jobless and what I need to do to get back in the work force but to do something that I love doing...

Love my pups. I thank God for furry little hides that love me so much....

a specific job ...

From ''Bedside Blessings'' by Charles Swindoll April 24th reads:

Be specific in your prayer life. If you need a job, pray for a job. If you're an engineer, ask God to open up an engineering position for you, or something related for which you are qualified . . . . If you need fifteen hundred dollars for tuition, ask for that amount. Make your petitions specific.

He will surely be gracious to you
at the sound of your cry;
when He hears it, He will answer you.
Isa 30:19

Whew! I know that I need to be specific in my prayers but to read this on the very day I am unemployed reminds me that God is in control. I know He has great plans for me ... am I willing to TRUST?

I have been reviewing what I am good at and where my strengths lie. I want a job that is creative. I would love to write but I have not had any bites of encouragement. I do plan to get back to the basics of my English degree and get back to studying my passion. I would love to be creative. My crafts have gotten me no where and leave me discouraged. There is a lot of talk but no action. There is a ton of work on my side with no results. I am great at self learning and works well alone. I like teamwork but never have seen it work in the business world. I love being organize as it allows for work to be done well and efficiently.

I am not sure where that leaves me but I am working out the specifics and resting that God is working for my good. I have to remember that this is the in between time where brainstorming is king and I love brainstorming! When it about staying above the water, it is hard to wait patiently. I am too hard on myself. I want to keep my mind renewed but I want to be kind to myself as well.

Off to figure out unemployment...

The battle is the Lord's

jobless ...

What I thought would be coming sometime over the summer with more time off and on and then total let go, came mid morning Friday, April 24th. That was the last day of work for me. There is more job losses yet with the plant still working and boats piling up in the front of the plant and in the back. When my mind goes back, it still baffles me.

My man boss did come in after and said how sorry he was and that it wasn't his discussion that there where other jobs that should have gone before me but his name isn't on the door. He also said that I was a good worker and that I did a good job and that was not the reason for the let go. He also said that whatever he said really doesn't help because those same words have been told to him and they didn't help. I did convey to him that I had really enjoyed working for him and this is truly honest because he has been the best so far.

The christian HR person who is a good friend of mine told her boss that she would not be the one to be in the room when they let me go. Minutes after she did come down with a card. I told her not to go so fast that I would like a hug. She gave me the best hug.

I did have to go to my female boss and ask her if she wanted to go over things before I left. I had been waiting for her to ask me but she didn't. Not sure what was up with that. My mom said that she wouldn't have been so kind (she is being the protective lioness here and I appreciate this). I told mom that I couldn't do that after the verses I gathered from the Word about being a good servant to my earthly masters. I did tell mom that I find it disturbing that no matter how much of a hard worker that I am that it depends on the style of getting the work done to whether someone was a good worker or not. I know my style greatly differ from the girl boss I have that came in after I had learned my post from another plant that we had consolidated. So when she takes over and she does her style then my style of things will only mean that I didn't do a good job. {sighs} But that is past and I am looking forward...

As I was leaving other girls in the office where quite shocked and now worried. They figured my job would keep me there longer. I did pay the bills and those invoices were coming in like crazy. Why they are still building boats is beyond me.... ok, I know forward thinking now.

To be really honest I was getting more and more frustrated with my job since last September. I also knew that if the things got worse, the job would get worse and I didn't know if I wanted to deal with it. I am a creative person stuck in a numbers job that was increasing becoming more confining. I didn't know what to do. My creative side gets really battered every time I try to make a go of it and it fails. I have been looking at this job direst as God working a way for my creative side to bring home the bread and butter.

My heart did bottom out and I had tears. I did get the mad feelings, the zombie feelings, the remembering feelings, the back and forth feelings, and the extreme feelings. All of this is part of the death process. However, these feelings do not rule my day. God has been preparing me because I have been seeking Him through these times. The sparrow at Thanksgiving, the FEAR NOT at Christmas, and even the self discovery of Amigurumi were my ways of 'talking back' God's Word to my feelings. Through all of this I find that we Christians do not TRUST God as we should. If we are truly believers we have to realize that to fear and to quake is a sin. Yes, we will feel these feeling but we stop it by SPEAKING ALOUD THE WORD OF GOD to these feelings. When you focus on this, God's Strength will expand in your life. It is ''forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.'' ~ Phil 3:13-14

I have been muttering under my breath often 'new beginnings' to shake myself from the behind things. It is all about getting that soapbox out and talking back the Word. It is a process and it is a battle but this battle is the Lord's! What verse in Psalms do I share now? There are sooooo many. I love King David's word - such a help in times of need. ''I will say of the Lord, 'He s my Refuge and my Fortress; My God, in Him I will TRUST.''' ~Ps 91:2

Are you trusting and obeying?

fear not
stress not
worry not
fret not

In every situation you are either going to believe the Word of God or the lies of the evil one.

mediation on the Word ...

First of all, God's kind of mediation is filling up the mind so much so that it overflows into your heart, life, and soul. Ok, I got that off my back.

Here is a verse that I love about mediation ...
"May my meditation be sweet to Him;
I will be glad in the Lord.''
~ Ps 104:34

What I like about mediation is that my prayers are 'talking back' the Scripture. I have stopped the nagging and the tears over the painful heart wrenching stuff. It makes for a better relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Ravi put it best -
''When the meditation of the Word is gone - the thrill of life is gone.''

I must say that my life has come alive and it has to do with God's Word!

heaping happy instead of grief ...

Having a bad day at liking my 'new' boss - a female boss. Argh! It doesn't help that I wish I could be creative and not work with numbers. When I am a mess, I go to the Word to find the 'Right Ways' ...

Feeling unlovely ...
Prov 15:8 ... He loves him who follows right ways.
Wanting His love so desperately. This I must do:

'Obey those who rule over you, & be submissive,
for they watch over your souls, as those who must give account.
Let them do so with JOY & not with grief,
for that would be unprofitable for you.' ~ Heb 13:17

'Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh,
with fear & trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ.
Not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ,
doing the will of God from the heart,
with good will doing service, as to the Lord & not to men.
Knowing that whatever good anyone does,
he will receive the same from the Lord,
whether he is slave or free.' ~ Eph 6:5-8

'Therefore, be imitators of God as dear children.
And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us & has given Himself for us,
an offering & a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.' ~ Eph 5:1-2

'If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat;
& if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
For so you will heap coals of fire on his head
& the Lord will reward you.' ~ Prov 25:21-22

CEASE STRIVING! BE STILL & KNOW THAT I AM GOD ~ ps 46:10

{sighs}

simply? HE IS.

He is the First & Last, the Beginning & the End!
He is the Keeper of creation & Creator of all!
He is the Architect of the universe & the Manager of all times.
He always was, He always is & He always will be ...
Unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, & never Undone!
He was bruised & brought healing!
He was pierced & eased pain!
He was persecuted & brought freedom!
He was death & brought LIFE!
He is risen & brings power!
He reigns & brings peace!

The world can't understand Him,
The armies can't defeat Him,
The leaders can't explain Him,
The leaders can't ignore Him,
Herod couldn't kill Him,
Hitler couldn't silence Him,
The New Age can't replace Him!
He is Light, Love, longevity, & LORD.
He is Goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, & God.
He is Holy, Righteous, Mighty, Powerful, & Pure.

His Ways are Right.
His Word is Eternal.
His Will is unchanging.
His Mind is on me.
He is my Redeemer,
He is my Savior,
He is my Guide,
He is my Peace,
He is my JOY,
He is my Comfort,
He is my LORD,
He rules my life!

When I fall, He lifts me up!
When I fail, He forgives!
When I am weak, He is strong!
When I am lost, He is the way!
When I am afraid, He is my courage!
When I stumble, He steadies me!
When I am hurt, He heals me!
When I am broken, He mends me!
When I am blind, He leads me!
When I face a trial, He is with me!
When I face persecution, He shields me!
When I face problems, He comforts me!
When I face loss, He provides for me!
When I face death, He carries me Home!

He is my Living God!!

~ author unknown

May you seek & know Him because He first loved you & pursues you all of your days.

moai + ikigai

I first heard the about the 'ever closing social circle' a few years ago in a discussion about kids and them leaving the nest in the next four years. I had not thought of it like that until I watched my father as his parents died and we began the hard process of dissolving an earthly place of resisdence. Then I began to have thoughts about my future and how I would handle my own parents ... ok enough. I have made an ultimatum with my self, that God has promised today and I will not trip myself up by thinking on the dark side of the future.

In the book called 'Blue Zones' There is talk about moai a Japanese word for having a social network to keep you healthy and alive. I have been wondering about my very small moai and thinking that as we get older how the circle gets smaller and smaller. It will take work to make it bigger...

There is the Japanese word ikigai which means that which gives you purpose and is to help you live longer and better. I can get this word because I love dreams and passions. Dreams and passions light people up and make them alive! When these dreams and passions begin to touch others, the purpose of ours lives increase.

I believe 'moai' and 'ikigai' need to go together. Don't they feed off each other? I love 'It's a Wonderful Life' ever since I first saw it in college and was so moved by tears that I had to hide under the covers so my roommate wouldn't see my tears because it was such a powerful emotional experience to me. Our lives touch others every person we meet. I just don't think we get it....

''ships''

Friendship has been a life long search and disappointment for me. As I hit the middle road and have come to terms with what is in my life, I realize that my mother and father didn't have 'deep friendships' except each other and this is my heritage as well. We may be too deep or too tenacious for others that it seems like we are a bit peculiar.

I have been finding comfort in with Proverbs 18:24 ''A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother.'' I love the but because being here in the verse means that I even as I am friendly that sometimes it just isn't going to work or be as deep as I like BUT there is a Friend who is so close to me and deep and joyful too. So with this knowledge tucked under my arm, I have decided to start jotting down the Bible truths in makes make a good friend and to put it into my life.

* Proverbs 18:24 = be friendly but it doesn't mean that you will always have friends but you will always have the FRIEND.
* Proverbs 18:1 = isolating yourself or being insular = selfish - our lives interconnect w/ everyone we meet.
(also isolating yourself means you have rage issues)
* Proverbs 27:9 = ointment & fragrance - friendship is about hearty healing counsel and delightful sweetness
''Ointment and Fragrance delight the heart, and the sweetness of a man's friend gives delight by hearty counsel.''
* Proverbs 27:17 = iron sharpens iron = it is important to FIGHT for the friendship
I did not like this verse because I do not anger or fighting but when I saw this as a Top Chef sharpening a knife against a piece of flint, I do not see anger or fighting but rather becoming a better me. I see the value of fighting for ''ship'' but not the fighting for being right.
* Col 2:2 If you are a believer, you are knitted together with other believers and this is ENCOURAGEMENT.
* Eph 5 - walking in love & redeeming the time
* Prov 17:9 - Harbor love not hate. When you think about the things you love about a person, you cover that person in love. When you think about the things you hate or even dislike, you cover that person in hate and begin to dislike that person.
* Eph 2:10; Gal 6:9- use your gifts
* Phil 4:5 - let your gentleness be known to all men.

I am sure that there is more for me on this search as I am always on the look out to be better. It is most interesting to see how God uses ''ships'' as His means of Design - marriage b/t man and woman, family, friendship etc. I love His Workings...

the trust factor ...

I've been muddling over trust in my heart for a long time. I felt the underlying issue with a dear friend now gone from my life by his choice was the lack of trust - I think in anyone who got to close. I guess it means he trusted no one. Plus God has spoken about TRUST in His Letter to us 134 times in the KJV alone. It is all over the Word. A verse to sum it up is Phil 3:3 ''Rejoice in the Lord & have no confidence in the flesh.''

So this dear friend now gone lacked trust in people so that is a good thing, right? NO. Just like a believer who is angry at someone or something is ultimately angry at God. So it is with trust. When a believer is distrustful of everyone and everything, they are ultimately distrustful of God! 'He just don't care or this life wouldn't be so hard!'

As a believer our full trust must belong to God and when that trust is in the Almighty, the trust trickles and overflows into all our relationships. This overflow helps in the best of times and most of all, in the worse of times. We are not abandoned in a trash heap of discarded relationships nor are we abandoned in 2 bit jobs when we would rather be living out our dreams and passions. When all is lost, WE ARE NOT. God knows exactly where we are.

Being discarded by what I held as a precious friendship, I could go on being distrustful in my relationships but I cannot. God knows just where I am at and has led me through many lessons that where hard but has given the richness of knowing that I am precious in His Sight and that I am taken care of. I could be hateful and harbor nasty thoughts against this person but I just cannot. I know that even though this person is lost to me not by my choice is seen and pursued by God. God loves him and wants the best for him too. The 2 bit jobs are lessons just as the realtor job he has now that is on shaky ground is God Designed for great things in this person's life even if it is hard and he is shouldering it alone without sharing.

{sighs} I keep on praying for a JOY break through and for his trust issues. We do live a WONDERFUL LIFE. In God's Word an ABUNDANT LIFE! John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have life more abundantly.


Joy in Christ = strength = Rejoicing in the Lord = trusting Him fully = life more abundant

~ AWESOME ~

enticed? do not consent ...

Have you had a deep think about ENTICEMENT? Isn't an enticement about something you have set as a no in your life like a value or a habit you wanted to break or a food that is a no no for your diet? I was reading along in Proverbs for my daily fix and notice enticement mentioned quite a bit. So I decided to give it a whirl.

I can't have chocolate in my life as I am allergic to cocoa and sugar. It is something I loved and am quite addicted to. It is definitely a huge enticement for me. Just last week the computer guy comes into the office to chatter about something geeky and guess what? A beautiful whiff of chocolate mixed with peanuts filled my nostrils. I blurted out, ''You've been eating chocolate!'' Oh boy, was that ever a ravishing scent!

Ahhh, enticement is something that you have set up in your life as something that is NOT GOOD FOR YOU for whatever reason. I know that I used something that isn't totally dangereous but gives me a horrific headache which means that it is killing brain cells.... Ok, maybe there is danger but it is lighthearted. But God is serious. He warns of enticement throughout His Word not to say NO to His beloved children but to protect them. It is super important to get a handle on ENTICEMENT.

I like to use certain words to help battle 'bad words'. An ABSOLUTE or a life choice are serious words when it comes to my values or good habits I want in my life. Keeping an ABSOLUTE in my life is affirming the hard work in the decision making I did to make my values stick or the experiences I had to go through because I was enticed and never want a repeat. The more vintage I become the more I want to seek God and His Word and the more I want a deep and passionate relationship with Him. He has never failed me nor will He ever. So to abide in Him and refuse enticement at all costs is most important to me.

Word Pix of enticement? Proverbs 7

''My son, if sinners ENTICE you, do not consent.
if they say, 'come with us, let us lie in wait to shed blood;
let us lurk secretly for the innocent without cause;
Let us swallow them alive like Sheol, and whole,
like those who go down to the Pit;
We shall find all kinds of precious possessions,
we shall fill our houses with spoil; ...
My son, ....
but they lie in wait for their own blood,
they lurk secretly for their own lives ...
~Proverbs 4:10 & following verses

.. present your bodies a living sacrifice,
holy, acceptable to God,
which is your reasonable service.
And do NOT be conformed to this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,
that you may prove what is good and acceptable and perfect
WILL OF GOD.
~ Romans 12:1-2

ENTICED? DO NOT CONSENT!

fear involves torment...

there is NO FEAR in Love;
but Perfect Love casts out fear,
because fear involves torment,
but he who fears has not been made perfect in Love.
~ I John 4:18

Whoa! God keeps reminding me about FEAR NOT and I love it! This verse is quite intriguing too. I have been dragging out my little box and climbing on top and shouting on the top of my lungs 'FEAR NOT'. I have been putting the FEAR NOT in my circumstances but had not thought about the FEAR NOT in human relationships.

This is a great verse for mommies and daddies to share with their precious little ones in this big bad world. It answers great questions.... What is fear? torment of the body, mind, heart, & soul. When Love is there fear? NO WAY! So he/she doesn't love me if he/she hits me? NOOOOOO. What is perfect love? Child, the question is WHO is Perfect Love? That would be God your Heavenly Father. So if I fear than I am not made perfect in Love? That is right, Child But I fear sometimes... Yes, I fear sometimes too but it is a feeling that I put away by reading God's Word. The torment flees and I FEAR NOT.

I have been putting FEAR NOT in my relationship with God. It is the only way I can turn from fear. ~It is about either believing the Word of God or the lies of the evil one.~ I test my thoughts against this new and power life phrase I keep front and center. Who else loves to torment besides the evil one? If I FEAR NOT, than the tormentor cannot have his way with me!

Why be tormented?

Revelation thoughts

* Believers represent ROYALTY.
* Have you signed the one & only PEACE TREATY?
* There is green grass still after the 7th seal has been broken! (Rev 8:7)

Just some tidbits from listening to Steven Davies on BNN. I have been feeling the dangerous edge for two people in my life - a co-worker & a high school friend. They are in my life because they want to be. They are difficult for me but why else are they there but to be a witness that God is God? (Isa 43:12) I have digging into God's Word & asking God to let His Word bubble up when the decisions get scary for me...

great things of God ...

♬♪♩... blessed be the Lord, blessed be the Lord
for He had done great things, blessed be the Lord ... ♫♩♪

1. The Red River has finally crested! Good news has finally come. The people have worked so hard but it is only God's Mighty Hand to stop the rise of this funny upstream river. Sure there is major lost already but only trust in God will get you through.

2. Dad has been in Texas for a week and he got home just in time to miss the crazy weather Texas is having. Dad didn't have to be delayed at airports and we at home didn't have to worry any longer. The pups are certainly glad to have everything alright in their furry little world.

3. My little bro isn't that fond of anything that is mechanical and requires some kind of tinkering. He lives in one town and has to travel about an hour to two for his work in completing his schooling. On the way to his work the car stops going. Panic is already rising. He sees people in a house so he goes up to see if he can get help but the woman is frantic and says to call 911. 911 just happens to send out a wrecker who specializes in the type of car he has and was took little bro back to the dump. They figured out what was wrong. Get this little bro had taken the car in days earlier because of a the signs of a problem and they said nothing was wrong!

Little bro had to figure out how he was going to give directions to his wife on how to get around the detour and find the dump. The wreaker guy made is real simple for little bro and took him into McDonald's before the detour.

What is super amazing is that the car place wasn't helping little bro so God made the car break down in the right place so that little bro would get the right help to fix the problem. Sure it is out of the way but now little bro knows where to get help.

Isn't God Good? Here is more to tell the generations....

organizing creativity ...

Mere minutes before closing up shop at work yesterday, my boss comes in to tell me that the plant is off work the week of April 6 and so will the office. This will be my first week of unemployment which means no pay. My co-workers have already done the dance of work a week or two and off two to three and then back to work ... etc. Not to mention the whole county being the top unemployment rate in the country at 18.3%. So it is time for me to get in on the experience too. I must say that the thought of no pay can try to be disruptive in my thoughts but I can't have it!

First order of business is to recall my learnings thus far and do it in my own life!
*Fear not!!!!
*If your life is out of whack, then you are either not listening to God's Word or you don't know what the Word says.
*You are either listening to God's Words or you are listening to the lies of the evil one.
*Obedience is blessing. Disobedience is punishment.

I am looking at this time as hunkering down and not spend! This is hard even though I have limited my spending of late but have not totally shut the $ flow.

I have promised to help with the spring cleaning with my parent's yard so that will take out a day. I do want to a purge in my home. Paper is my enemy! I did some shredding today to jump start my plan. I also want to figure out a better way to keep my important papers. Oh, that file safe would come in handy but that takes mula. I want to figure out my money. I hate dealing with my finances. I need to try to do the banking thing online including paying certain bills online as well seeing that the good old US mail is becoming unreliable. (don't get me started on the mailing system as I could really have a huge fit ... grr) I do need to get a resume going and while I am at it maybe a fun resume should be there too. You know a resume for a job that I really want not just settling for something that pays for the food on the table and home that surrounds me. Ok, those are a few things I could do and need to do.

Now to what I really would like to do! I would like to really get myself creative self organized! I have pictures to download and get put in places to share with others. I have music to organize. I need to really make some decision on selling my homemade online! The shipping is really giving me fits. I want to organize my writing life. I have been saying that all my life. I want to be creative but I can't let it drive me like it did during my Christmas holidays. I really need to focus on organizing my creative life and home so that I can do the summer things as well as keep up on my creative side.

Having large bits of time off might help me launch myself into a totally different place with my creativity being a my source of income! Oh, that would be nice!

my 14,610 day ...

Wow! It is here and I am doing ok! That is a sigh of relief.

I have been wondering how I will deal with the middle ages of my life. There is a culture where everyone wants to get to 40 because they are respected and revered. Well, I don't live in that culture. Sooooo, was I going to let it get me down? I am not married and living in an apartment. No kids nor do I really want to handle that on my own. Oh, and the dreaded change that happens to all women. I guess that living on my own, no one will have to deal with my falling apart. And then there is a thought that as you get older that your circle of people get smaller and smaller. Mine is so small now what will happen..... stop....

That was where my mind was going in past years. Not this year I am glad to report. I start every year with a theme. A theme where I am searching for something. It is a request for God to come and surprise me with new learning and a renewing. This year is me allowing God to romance me with His Everlasting Love. I don't want this to be a surface thing I really want depth and width. I am soooooo sick of the unstable and weak. Won't take it no more! Man's love is so fleeting and feeble but God's love? EVERLASTING! This is where my mind is. I am totally focused on RECEIVING His Everlasting Love. I have rejected it in the past without realizing it. It is in the bad thoughts. You know, those negative thoughts that are always there. Do you realize that we woman think about if we are beautiful enough as much as men think about sex. I have decided that harnessing my thoughts on God's Everlasting Love is a do or die thing.

Another thought of sailing through this middle patch is that after listening to women who have come undone because of the woman change, I wonder if the major source of this dysfunction was because these women never dealt with stress. Stress is everywhere and cannot be avoided but learning what de-stresses you is extremely important to practice and do in life. Could women learn to de-stress and go through the change without medication and be intact physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? This needs to remain a question. There is no need for you to answer me on this. Answer it for your own self.

With this question of going through the middle ages de-stressed and savoring and delight in my God, I have found a new passion - amigurumi. I have noticed that I have this passion that de-stressed the stress and fears of work. For me de-stressing is all about learning for me. I must not stop. There is always more I want to know so must never give up on learning. If I can learn to crochet in my middle ages with no human help then I can do it again in all my other curiosities. I must say here you cannot de-stress without a focused thought life on inviting His Everlasting Love and delighting and savoring it.

So on this happy day, I am numbering the Mighty Works God has done in my life. I am trilled with the passions and dreams He has given me. I am grateful that He takes the time to nudge me via my pet words to speak depth to me and my walk with Him. I am honored to have my family and puppers around me. Our lives are so connected and precious. Remembering to value and hold them as fleeting - treasures to store in Heaven. I have friends and memories to cherish and hold. It is the good with the bad that make our lives rich. I am valued to be called woman and beautiful by my Beloved. I am His and He is mine. My greatest gift to give is my smile and my softness but also remembering that it must never be thought of as weak because God's Strength is the source.

One last thing is that my relationship with God has to be top priority. I must read His Word as much as I pray. It must remain a two way street not just a whimpering mess on my part. Reading His Word has been like being full and hungry at the same time as it should be. I am satisfied but wanting more. MMM, yes, I admit I want to be a junkie with His Word!!! Oh Taste!!!!!! (Oh devour tooo) and see that He is Good...

All that we are promised is one day. What will I make of this day? It is a wonderful life, am I living it wonderful?
I rattle the lone marble in my glass jar. I stand on my writer's desk and shout 'Yes, This is a Wonderful Life. I choose to live it WONDERFULLY. Thank You, My Beloved for this precious life. My answer to Your Command - I CHOOSE LIFE. I CHOOSE WONDERFUL LIFE. I CHOOSE WONDERFUL EVERLASTING LIFE!''

seconds & thirds please ...

I have been finding it hard to write here like I use to. And this week for sure will be sporadic like usual. Dad is away for the week so I am over being with Mom and the 3 pups for company. It is sorta like a vacation but not! I am planning on some cooking because Mom tends to just eat leftovers or eats fast food. I thought this would be good for me to try cooking for others and save a bit of pocket change. However, this is like living between two places and it means other things are put on hold. This explains this week. Now to explain the other weeks where my writing has become sparse.

The Amigurumi has certainly taken a real strong hold in my life right now. I love these little crochet toys and the smaller the better. While on this wacky ride I realized that besides books and my bike being my 'bestest' childhood friends, small stuff animals that I could pack and hide in my purse because I didn't what to leave them at home since I was afraid a fire or tornado would take them from me. Whew! I know a poor tween girl was I! I am so glad that I don't feel the need to pack them in purse as an adult. Now my purses are very small and only pack the essentials. {sheepy grin & red cheeked} But to be able to make these little pocket friends with smiles have become a driving need inside. When I have completed them all decked out in a smile and cuteness, I smile. I love it.

I have found that Amigurumies de-stress me in these wild and troubling times. Of course they are only apart of the de-stressing but it has been a cool ride. I do wonder if the ride will stop and why my other creative passions don't drive me like Ami does but I am a perpetual learner that what Ami has done to me, I am going to work it in my writing and my painting. This is way to good to let it slide unheeded in my other parts of my life.

Being able to create little best friends that made my childhood is coming full circle. I have to thank my precious Heavenly Father for enabling me to get crochet from web pictures and self teach it. Whenever I look at the things I like and what I have done to creatively express it, I rejoice that God gave these likes and passions to me. I know I feel sometimes embarrassed especially describing my passions to men but I mustn't. I forget to come outside myself and see the light in my eyes. Too often I sit within myself trying to hide! Hmmm, interesting that this comes out here when I didn't intend it too. Another connect the dot...

I did spend a lot of time researching and gathering because I felt so behind. Now that my pattern book is full, I hope I can manage more efficiently by junkie cravings! However, I am finding the need growing stronger and stronger to make my own patterns. Having nieces and a nephew, I do want to create characters from their story books but wait, why not create my own ami characters and stories!!!! My goal is to definitely marrying my passions and crafts together! I might have a full plate of passions but I think it quite alright to have second and thirds full plates! Isn't that the way to have a full and delightful life?

highway ...

I know that my journey as a believer is on a narrow path. Jesus even said this in Mat 7:14 'Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.' Many times I have felt the narrow begin to squeeze in. That is ok and it is as it should be. So imagine my surprise that my beloved narrow way could be describe in another way - a more broad means.

I love words and as I read I find God giving me words that intrigue me and keep me in the wondering about them. The word is highway.

Isaiah 35 has quickly become a favorite because it is totally about JOY. Here in verse 8 I found 'way of holiness' described as a highway! Hmm, that is way different from what I have always known as a narrow way. Look up the meaning of highway and it is a public road. Another hmmm.

Isaiah 35:8-9
And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness.
The unclean will not journey on it;
it will be for those who walk in that Way;
wicked fools will not go about on it.
No lion will be there,
nor will any ferocious beast get up on it;
they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there

When I stumble upon something intriguing like this in the Word, I tuck it back in the brain to ponder. To my lovely surprise as I was reading a chapter of Proverbs a day, highwaycame up again two days in a row.

Prov 15:19 The way of the lazy man is like a hedge of thorns, But the way of the upright is a highway.
Prov 16:17 The highway of the upright is to depart from evil; He who keeps his way preserves his soul.

Each verse is more meaning to this highway and yet I want to learn more. I can't help but think the meaning has something to do with the Way being lofty and high up. I love sitting at the feet of Jesus.

hb amigurumies

My nephew and his Mom had birthdays this month and we shall be celebrating today. I made a amigurumies monkey for him. He really loved his sock monkey I made for him this past Christmas so I when I learned to crochet just so I could make all things amigurumies, I had to try my hand at his favorite animal. Yes, I hope to get some smiles - those are the best gifts in returns.

Let me tell you I did get made at the monkey. I had problems with attaching all the extremities to the body. The head was crooked, the arms seemed mismatched in thickness, the tail was sideways, and the legs were twisted. I sent the 'woppy-jawed' (this has to be a word b/c I used and have heard it used by my mom - maybe it is just one of our words!) monkey to the corner for a week before I settled down enough to fix the poor thing. It is better. {smiles}

I told you this story because my little bro liked the bear I made for his daughter that he has ordered two bears to give to friends who are having girls. I didn't like the bear's head. It seemed tooooo square. Remember this is after my little tiff with the monkey, I decided to do the pattern again but instead fuse the head and body together so I would NOT have to worry about attaching the head and the body. This only means that I once I began to finish the head I stopped with 18 scs and began the body since the biggest part of the body is 18 scs. It looked like a light bulb before I attached the legs, arms, and ears. Then I thought maybe I needed more definition in the neck by going down to 12 scs and then back to the 18 scs for the body. Welllllll, it affects the shape of the head. I will see how others like it but bear number two wins my heart (light bulb one!) It has been good to play with this bear pattern and go with something I like! I have some ideas for my own patterns that I want to do and can't wait to do. I do have patterns that I want to try because it will help me get a grip on my own creating since I am such a newbie at this! 3 months!

I am giving a small bird in a nest (amigurumi) to my brother's wife. The reason being is that she is still looking for a job loss. God took her through a job loss before He will take her though it again. The vengeance she might feel belongs to the Lord. She is worth more than many sparrows and those sparrows worry not over food or clothing BUT THEY DOOOOOOOO SING!!!! I am not sure what I will put in the card - oh, I must go and get that finished!!!!

Ps 98:1
O sing unto the LORD a new song;
for He hath done marvellous things:
His Right Hand, and His Holy Arm,
hath gotten Him the Victory.

hb gift ...

I decided that for his birthday this year the only thing I could do is pray.

A lesson that I began to get a grip on last fall was that it is time that I focus on what is solid and true. No more going with a gut feeling and this goes with the questions I ask God and my prayer life. What is solid and true? God and His Word.

With my relationship with guy who is a believer, I always focused on the Eternal. We might not be able to touch each other but we are in the Family and we spoke the Language. Because we were believers, I was always talking to God about my part in this relationship, however, my questions were asking for answers that would not be solid which means that I was going more on what I thought or felt what was right than beginning with God's Words. Look where this got me! NO WHERE. The relationship is gone and there was no fight to keep it. He just left and I was left with no way to get answers. It was hurtful and painful enough that I VOW to NEVER let the feelings get in the way of ROCK SOLID TRUTH.

So with the only thing being ROCK SOLID TRUTH - God and His Word, I have left this relationship as 'being knitted together'. (Oh, he was a good gift) Paul in many of his letters to the early churches starts off telling these early christians that he is praying for them and their faith. I love this so became the perfect gift so someone who was sooo precious to me who does not read emails and has moved and reverted into insular habits.

I took 13 days at 7ish AM & then every hour on the 12th day through the 13th day (since he is a day ahead) to pray for a Joy invasion for his life as well as trust, faith, & protection on his life. I used verses to pray. I also thanked God for the memories I had with 'the leaver' and my lessons learned and am continuing to learn.

A side note about keeping the focus on reading and doing what the Word says even in prayer, I noticed that I am not whining and whimpering and getting messy with my prayers. It is all about TALKING BACK the Word. I come away stronger and lighter. It doesn't mean that I don't feel sad or upset, I do still have all the feelings but my mind is being renewed.

It will be interesting to see how prayer worked here on earth when I reach the other shore.....

Ps 15: 8 & 29
... but the prayer of the upright is HIS DELIGHT.
... but He hears the prayers of the righteous.

AMEN!!!

home vs street

I love the word picture in Proverbs 7 that King Solomon has painted here. You have someone safe in a home looking out onto the street. I like to picture here a fireplace warm and inviting with a comfy rocking chair close by with a table and a reading lamp. The pantry is full so the tummy is full. This home has four walls protecting and keeping the occupants warm, safe, and dry. In that rocking chair sits a the occupant reading the Living Word - then looks up to see a wonderer outside in the street.

This wonderer is aimless and probably lost but it doesn't seem to bother by it. A harlot is in the road and this harlot is any one who has defiled themselves by doing anything to defile God no matter the gender. The words from this harlot is dangereous and sweet. A wonderer really doesn't have anything to stand by - it is whatever. The harlot is even married and says so quite frankly and matter of fact-like to the wonderer. There are no worries! The home-dweller is shocked to see that there is no running or fleeing but the wonderer has come under some spell because there has been no binding the Word on the heart. So all protection the Word has cannot protect if one doesn't have it bound on their minds and hearts.

Proverbs 7
''My children, keep My Words, and treasure My Commands within you. Keep My Commands and LIVE, and My Laws as the apple of your eye. Bind Them on the tablet of your heart.''

~When my life is out of whack, it is either because I don't know what the Word says or I am not doing what the Word says.

~In every situation you are either going to believe the Word of God or the lies of the evil one.

doing w/ what I have ...

I think I mentioned this before that I got fed up with myself and so this year I have decided to live my oneness life. I used really want couplehood and I still do but I have focused on this singleness life that I have been given and letting God romance me. It is amazing that I am getting along ok with this new view. I still have this desire on how to be a good wife but if that never happens ... ok moving on! {smiles}

I also have this very strong desire to have my passions be my vocation. I get tired of my day job. I would rather be creative or write. For some reason from the back of the mind came a thought that instead of being frustrated with my day job that I have this day job of numbers and I have my passions. The day job feeds me and allows me to have a shelter and my passions allow me to live stress free! I have both and I need to have a good attitude about the day job while working out my passions at night. Just maybe my dreams will come true. In the meantime I feel better....

man plans ...

''So do you think what we have has a future?'' he asks. Wanting to drop the bomb and leave without a proper answer, he tried to end the conversation quickly.

''Wait a minute buddy. I know exactly what I feel about this relationship. I believe in you and I believe in us. I have made my vows know to God about keeping this friendship in the eternal mode. I know my side very well but in any 'ship' there is another side - your side. You have kept silent about your plans for this. You lead this. What do you want? What are your plans?'' ....

Oh how a few years away from this actual questions gives you lessons you wish you had when the it happened. I just learned that every man has a plan. They are possessors & protectors. They have a plan. They just don't come up to you for no good reason.

Two disclaimers:
If the plan is not voiced, the girl should never think up plans for the two of them. Never Never. A big no no. The girl has a life and she should be getting on with her own life. A girl knows what she wants and if the girl don't she better get to knowing because this girl will grow up to become a frustrated stressed out woman wondering where her life went.

If the plan is voiced, the girl has a right to veto or go for the guy. Remember a good girl knows what she wants. He might not be into you but to our defence a girl just might not want the boy or his 'plans'. {smiles}