pumpkin bump!!!

Just two days!!!! Wow!!! Ok ok, I know I am being very hyper about my blue pumpkins but for some reason I am soaking up this process. Maybe because I know God wants us to be in the 'seed business'! And to experience this process visually helps me spiritually... { I am a seed where God tucked inside my personality, my dreams & passions which becomes my purpose in this world. I am also a seed spreader where God would like me to plant seeds of love, joy, trust, compassion, beauty, peace .... }

I was told that the yellow blossom dies and becomes a pumpkin. I wanted to see this first hand. Two days ago I was walking around and around peering into the vine looking for the little pumpkin bump. None could be found. Sure I did see two pumpkins but not the very first stage. Huge reward tonight!! I saw with my very own eyes where the yellow blossoms begins to fade, the base of the blossom (what I would call the stem) begins to swell like a green bubblegum bubble! I was soooo gidddy!!!! YippeeeeeeYay!!!!!

mad chow : two blue pumpkins

at His feet ...

faith zone not safe zone
Choosing God's way, instead of your own, will stretch your faith and cause it to grow. In the same way a muscle grows when you work it, your faith grows when you work it. You may not necessarily like how it feels at first, but that is a sign that you're growing. God is taking you to a higher level and if you'll continue exercising your faith, you'll grow stronger and stronger.
fr: Joel & Victoria Osteen's email devotional

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)

Go to the Throne 1st .. not the 'phone'.
~ Joyce Myers

God's 3 R's: Relax .. Refresh .. Relinquish

1 Thessalonians 2:18 - Satan hindered us.
Since the first hour in which goodness came into conflict with evil, it has never ceased to be true in spiritual experience, that Satan hinders us. From all points of the compass, all along the line of battle, in the vanguard and in the rear, at the dawn of day and in the midnight hour, Satan hinders us. If we toil in the field, he seeks to break the ploughshare; if we build the wall, he labours to cast down the stones; if we would serve God in suffering or in conflict-everywhere Satan hinders us. He hinders us when we are first coming to Jesus Christ. Fierce conflicts we had with Satan when we first looked to the cross and lived. Now that we are saved, he endeavours to hinder the completeness of our personal character.
fr: Spurgeon's Aug 7th Evening

Dearest Heavenly Father,
I am listening. To the outside reader it may seem a bit jumbled. It is pieces from here and there but I am seeking.

I think it comes to the fullness and completeness of my character. I feel him hinder me. I feel I am so on the verge of something stirring and powerful only to have something blow up here or there along the way.

With each hinderence I must fall at Your feet and look straight away into Your Face. I need You. I want You. I crave You. I want to have this fullness of character. You know what? I am trembling. I am afraid. You have said to cry out and I have been and I feel no where close to having Your Eyes. I need to relinquish... I give all my fears and trembling heart to You for safe keeping.....

I love You for loving me and not giving up on me.
~always Your little girl

Spurgeon : tipping point

two blue pumpkins!!!

Dad said to go look and I did!!! To my great delight there are two blue pumpkins on the vine. I think I have one of each (bush baby & jarrahdale). I am a little scared about the middle of the pumpkin patch. The leaves are looking yellow and sickly. Bummer! I am wanting a truck load of blue pumpkins!!!! There are still a lot of yellow blossoms so maybe my worry is for not.

I looked and relooked I wanted to see a pumpkin bump. Dad said he saw one but I just couldn't. A pumpkin bump is where you still see the blossom and the start of a bump! Again I just might see one in the beginning stage with all them yellow blossoms!!!! { ¡excited! }

mad chow : blueberries & nuts

grandpa's oil can ...

I am so glad I haven't touched grandpa's oil can with paint. I was going to put flowers on there but have a better idea.

I would like to paint a landscape using the different areas of both my grandpa and grandma's lives. I want a house with lots of flowerbeds, a garden, a latter, a fishing hole, and a cake shop. When you pick it up and look at moment captured, I want you to feel that I captured them. My way of honoring their lives ...

gift of family

blueberries & nuts ...

My most favorite of all fruits and most of any other food is blueberries!!!! I so love them. There taste is just perfect. I even pay tribute to them when I paint for myself. I believe you cannot have tooooo many blueberries =)

After realizing that the blueberries on the bush is cultivated and there is another kind ... an older kind called wild blueberries, I am planning to find these and add to my dream garden even if I add it to my parents yard. Wonderful addition to their golden blush raspberry!!!!

benefits of wild blueberries
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Children with nut-allergies cannot identify the nut they are allergic too!
The most appropriate approach for the youngest children with nut allergies may be to tell them to avoid nuts completely, Ferdman noted in an interview. However, parents can also teach children how to identify nuts by showing them pictures of the nuts or pointing out different types of nuts in the grocery store.

The findings, he added, "point out that parents really need to teach their child specifically what to avoid."

nut allergies findings
Interesting! I too thought that if you are allergic to one nut, you're allergic to all. In my own allergy issues it is the english walnut that is the evil one.

mad chow : yellow blossoms

gift of family ...

I am a soaker. I watched each person as they came through the line to pay their respects. I listened intently to their connection and their story. I paid close attention to who they talked to and their actions. I surprised some by knowing who they were...

The funeral was done by two ministers who where nephews of my grandma. I entered with tears because I don't want to say good-bye. As group of nephews, grandnephews & nieces, great grandnephews & nieces sang several old hymns in voice only, my heart began to soar because I have great hope...

My heart thanks God for my grandma when memories flood my mind. Isn't God Good to give us families that we are connected to? It is such a gift. As I look back to all four of my grandparents I am taken back to the memories and I see how a part of them I carry within my own personality. And if I look back upon my memories, how much more did Grandma look upon her memories as her days became long and slow? A great many of her family are on the other side waiting for her...

I saw for the first time a picture of my Grandparent H's wedding picture! I want to get a copy and then I want a copy of my Grandparent L's wedding picture. I want to have them in a sapein color and framed for my wall. I want to remember!!!

was this expected?

'Was this expected?'

This has been the major question these days since Grandma's death. ''I just saw her at the fair Sunday a week ago!'' ''I just talked with her.'' I just visited her.'' ''I saw her at CC's eating with your Aunt.'' ''So when I read the paper, I couldn't believe my eyes!''

No, it wasn't a surprise. Three years ago Grandpa entered Heaven and left Grandma. We were watched Grandma and saw her decline but come through. Lately she complained of her poor eyesight. This was not something she was going to put up with. She would lose track of her memory and wonder where my Aunt was. Her children were asking themselves what should we do now? Is she going to be able to say at home?

Yes, this was a surprise! No real health problems. Sunday a week ago she was at the fair. Thursday was out eating with my Aunt and a friend. Saturday she mowed the front lawn. When she came in she told my Aunt there were a few skippers out there for her to deal with. Monday my Aunt came home to eat lunch with Grandma like always. 6:30 Aunt made a call home to tell Grandma she was going to be late and asked if she wanted to go out. Grandma said to just bring something home. At about 8 my Aunt called to let Grandma she was almost home. No answer. Aunt knew something was wrong.

My Grandma had went to take a nap and pulled an afagan up to cover her and fell asleep. She woke in the Arms of the Almighty. What an awaking!

''What a way to go!'' Yes, it is the perfect way to go. Leaving no more worries for her children. No agony of a long illness. No crash. No long good bye where there is no recognition. What a way to go.

I heard that this kind of death is normal for her family. You wonder if it will be true for you. You wonder what you will leave behind...

...you also wish that she wasn't alone in her passing into eternity ... but then again she wasn't! The Great Shephard was with her all along...

honoring a generation gone

honoring a generation gone ...

I have many thoughts running all sides of my brain. What I was working on is put to the back burner and these new thoughts of about my grandma has come to the front. With her arrival to the golden shore, a whole generation has left. Even though I have experienced this twice before, this is different. All of my grandparents are gone. All I have now are the memories.

In my readings this year an interesting reoccurance of thought has come to me, honor your parents. It is one of the ten commandments. Why? Because God designed some pretty awesome benefits for us to enjoy.

* increases our own self worth
* helps you to understand your gender & how it 'fits'
* less physical stress b/c you are connected
* light heart
'The Gift of Honor'

I had some tough questions so I fleshed it out then I realized I had some work of my own.

: Q's :
How do you honor a parent who did you wrong like physical abuse or verbal abuse? How do you honor a parent who was never there for you? How do you honor a parent who 'used' you and failed to look after you? Can I honor a parent - in - law who damaged my spouse? Can I heal old wounds?

I have great parents so as I was fleshing out how I would honor a parent - in - law who damaged my spouse, I was convicted to look at a relationship struggle I was having. I kinda worked on it but then new things were tempting me away and I never got back to it. So here is the time to honor my grandma.

She was one out of twelve sibblings. (Well, actually there where 14 but 2 didn't make out of early childhood.) Her major quality was a strong dose of stubborness. Not sure how she got it. Hmmm, her stories do give me a key though, she learned it as a survival technique.

I must say stubborness has a negative tone about it. Believe me when my parents accused me of being stubborn when I was growing up, I was mortified. Looking back, stubborness in the right places keep you safe from harm.

Listening and watching her life and relating it to how I see stubborness. I have got a great teaching and I don't ever want to lose it. From one generation to the next and passing it on, I would teach my children the balance of being pigheaded.

the good
* protects you from sin
* tenacity when it comes to your dreams and passions
* will-power for the tough times
* perseverence when it comes to relationships
* persistent in learning new things
* firm in your faith - no turning back
* strong sence of self (what I call a good strong will)

the bad
* inflexibility when it comes to other's (not listening)
* hardness of heart
* resistance to His nudge
* obstinate against belief
* unchangeable in your ways
* headstrong and selfish

I strongly believe that having a stubborn streak in me is a gift. I have learned and I hope that I will continue to learn to use it for the good and remain open. I know with out a doubt that my stubborness has protected me as a little girl from those that would seek to harm me and make me stumble. As I grew up, I had let my guard down and found a tipping point. So now I seek a balance. When it comes to my personal faith, I will be stubborn and hard on myself to protect my heart, the wellspring of life. As I age I want to remain alert to keeping the balance of pigheadedness and openmindedness. This is what I hope to pass on to the next generation.

The past few months I have found comfort in His Words about 'from one generation unto the next generation'. There seems so many promises flowing down from those who have gone before. It moves me to make my generation count so that I can pass down greatness from Him above. I want to pass on the Message of Salvation, the priviledge of JOY, LOVE, & DELIGHT, and this amazing Adventure and Mystery! So I celebrate my pigheadedness and my openmindedness. I celebrate BALANCE.

this is the day!

This is the Day ...

... that the Lord has made.
I will rejoice & be glad.

I will enter His Gates
with Thanksgiving in my heart.
I will enter His Courts with Praise
for this is the Day the Lord has made
I will rejoice & be glad.

Shout for Joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with Gladness;
come before Him with Joyful songs.

Know that the Lord is God.
It is He who made us, and we are His;
we are His people, the sheep of His pasture.

Enter His gates with Thanksgiving
and His courts with Praise;
give Thanks to Him and Praise His Name.

For the Lord is Good and His Love endures forever;
His Faithfulness continues through all generations.
~Ps 100

There is a homecoming, a reunion, a celebration, a first time meeting of an Old Friend... I can't help but dwell on that. I want to enter each day with Joy and Thanksgiving. I want to enter Heaven with a heart a shout'en and my face a beaming! What a day that will be! But today is Grandma's day! There is a lightness in her step and her eyesight is whole. She is holding her husband hand and taking up some dutch with her closest sister. What a day to see your Master face to face!

Grandma H entered Heaven today

Grandma H entered Heaven today ...

This was the Ageless One, the Ancient of Days, who is eternally young. He stepped forward and at His first move the crowd quickly and reverently made way for Him, as flimsy shacks make way for a hurricane. This was a good hurricane, but no one mistook goodness for weakness here. He who had spun the galaxies into being with a snap of His finger, He who could uncreate all that existed with no more than a thought, extended His hand to Finney, as if the hand He extended was that of a plain ordinary carpenter. Everyone knew He was anything but ordinary. His riveting Eyes commanded their full attention. All eyes were fixed on those Eyes. For the moment, it was impossible to look elsewhere, and no one in his right mind would have wanted to.

"Welcome, my son! Enter the Kingdom prepared for you, by virtue of a work done by Another, a work you could not do. Here you shall receive reward for those works you did in My Name, works you were created to do."

And then, with a smile that communicated more than any smile Finney had ever seen, the Great One looked into his eyes and said with obvious pride, "Well done My good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord!"

As the crowd broke out in cheers, Finney felt overwhelmed, and dropped to his knees, then flat on the ground, face down, as if the knees were still too lofty a position before the Lord of Heaven. Out of the corner of his eye he saw everyone else follow his lead and fall flat. Mostly this was out of respect for th One before Whom they bowed, but Finney also sensed the emulation of his form of worship was one of respect for him, perhaps as the new arrival, the party's guest of honor.

"Rise, my son. You bowed your knee to me in the other world, where it was much harder to do so. I know your devotion, and I treasure it. Stand now before Me. You have made your exodus from mortality to life. This is a new world, which I've made for you to enjoy." Finney rose up and the welcoming committee rose too, a half step behind him.

Finney gazed in those Eyes that could have killed him with a look, but which instead conveyed unmistakable approval. But he could also sense something more in those Great Eyes, something different than he would have expected. And then Finney's gaze moved to those Carpenter's Hands that had been placed on his shoulders. On them he saw deep and ugly scars. Flinching at the sight, he looked down at the Feet. They too were torn in a ghastly disfigurement. How could this be? All was to be perfect here, was it not? The first of many surprises.

In a flash of inslight, Finney knew what every child understands about Heaven, that every body there would be perfect, unblemished, and unscarred. But now he saw that the scars of earth were not pretend or imaginary, but very real, and could only be gone here because Someone esle had chosen to take them on Himself. The Carpender's scars would remain forever. The only One who would appear less than perfect in eternity would be the Eternally Perfect One Himself.

Finney looked into the Eyes again, knowing they saw every thought within him. The Perfect and Scarred One said simply, "For you, my son, for you."
fr : Randy Alcorn's novel, "Deadline" (ch 4)

Dearest Carpenter,
I had read this book before my Grandfather H had enter Heaven's gates back in June 2003. This bookfriend opened my eyes to see how Grandfather could see his first great grandson enter this world. They surely passed each other.

Thank You for my Grandmother. Memories are coming ... smells, colors, stories, ... She was ready. I can't help but shed tears. It's only because I am still on the dark shores. There is a Marriage Feast prepared tonight. A reunion. A great celebration. What Joy breaks out on Golden Shores!
~always Your tearful lamb

taken

God's collection of tear bottles ...

Priceless!
Thou has taken account of my wonderings;
Put my tears in Thy bottle;
Are they not in Thy Book?
~ps 56:8

15 "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
       and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
       Though she may forget,
       I will not forget you!

    16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands;
~Isa 49:15-16

Sometimes we lose hope and assume He will forget because we forget. Yet, He remembers. He's omniscient. He's the All-Knowing One. He never forgets His promises. He never forgets His people. He knows everything. He knows how I am doing, what I am doing and why I am doing it. He knows what happened yesturday, what almost happened today, and what shouldn't happen tomorrow. God watches the whole of our lives and jots it down on His heavenly chart. I don't know if he carries a clip board or a lap-top computer, but He sees everything and forgets nothing.
fr: Ron Mehl in 'God Works the Nightshift (ch3)

Dearest Heavenly Father,
You so bring to me what I need to hear in the time I need it most. Heavy and many where my tears today. They rolled and quaked my being. You caught every fast wet tear that streamed down my cheeks. You are the Master of the Storm and I can hide in You. When You envelope me in Your Everlasting Arms, I put my hands in Yours and feel my named etched there for eternity.

I so cannot figure out this relationship thing. I fail every time. No wonder I found solace in my bike and books when I was a little girl. Now grown up no wonder I find excape in painting, expression in writing, and when in pain I seek refuge in books. I ordered 5 yesturday and can't wait to cover myself in the pages. Thank You for Your Words, They comfort and heal my battered and wounded heart.

I have some mending words of my own to send to the damaged company in this broken relationship. I seek Your Wisdom and Your Words as I honor his independence and to create a blessing fitting to empower him on his life. We were once good friends and bonded siblings. I am not sure I can expose my heart anymore to his ... I invite You. I seek You. Your StoreHouse is full.
~ always Your lamb .. trembling & tearful

at lookout rock

'Tango'

Autism has intrigued me ever since a teenager now a man named Joshua touched my life. He taught me more than I taught him. We pushed his limits and saw him make steps to engage us. I know locked inside him is a brilliant human being. He did open up a bit but I can't help but know for sure that this new communication device will unlock his world as well as for many others. Bravo to Tango.

"My son became my business."
"I feel my life is destined," Ellenson says, smiling sheepishly. "When I left college, my résumé said I wanted to get a job in communications.

"I finally got my job. I've given my son the ability to talk."
~Richard Ellenson, father of Thomas & inventor of Tango

Richard Ellenson's Story
Tango / blink-twice.com
Person of the Week

What is so interesting about Tango? It is not robot sounding but communicates emotions and feeling quickly and can be programed to grow with the child. Totally amazing!

"He can go into a mode with one push of a button and change that from a regular voice to a whine or shout or a whisper," explained his mother, Lora Ellenson.
And she said they'll adjust the phrases as he gets older, adding typical teen retorts like "I hate you, Mom."
"We've already added 'Dad, you're bugging me,' which is one he loves to hit," Lora said.

I love the name Tango for this communication devise. Tango is an emotional dance with a lot of expression. Life is a dance, a tango dance. To open up a new world of expression is beyond words....

"If there's one thing I want to change in the world, it's to assume someone in a wheelchair has a headline over their head which does not say 'my life is difficult' but which says 'my life is interesting. My life is fun. And in some cases, my life is triumphant,'" Richard Ellenson said.
fr: ABC's Person of the week

tipping point ...

We all have a tipping point. A place where we find ourselves most tender and vulnerable. The edge we trip over and fall into huge black sin. We feel marked ... forever marked ...

The devil I am to resist and he will flee from me, but the lusts of the flesh, I must flee, or they will surely overcome me. ~Spurgeon

Do I trust this? Will he flee? What makes the devil and the lusts of the flesh different? Why will the devil flee and the lusts of the flesh overcome? Is that way the devil uses the lusts of the flesh to make us tip? Can wanting be lusting? Can wanting a little attention get you in trouble in a big way?

Is it possible to find your tipping point before you have fallen into sin? What do you do to keep the 'craving' from overtaking you? Can replacing the this wanting with good clean activity help you flee? What will fill you with joy? What is healthy? What will enable you to fly?

If you don't flee the 'lusts of the flesh, these "false images will bankrupt your life & curse you(Ron Mehl)"

Do believe it, Christian, that thy sin is a condemned thing. It may kick and struggle, but it is doomed to die. God has written condemnation across its brow. Christ has crucified it, "nailing it to His cross." Go now and mortify it, and the Lord help you to live to His praise, for sin with all its guilt, shame, and fear, is gone. ~Spurgeon

When you have sinned so huge that you feel so empty, does the ache go away? Will God delight in you again? If you can't forget and forgive yourself, how can the Almighty forgive and forget?

"Sin in your life doesn't stop God from giving, it just stops you from receiving" ~Ron Mehl

Dearest Heavenly Father,
People think I am a good girl and I believed it true. Now I know differently. I have a tipping point {attention}. I may stand alone and against the crowd, but it gets a bit old. Cravings begin and eat away at my resolve...

You are the Storehouse of Plenty. I ask for Your Special Word to enlighten the way and show what needs to be in the foundations of my 'wellspring policy'. Thank You for the pieces You have show me already. I ask for Your Guidance as I put them together.
~ always Your little lamb

Spurgeon : taken

love quiz ...

How people smart are you? How self smart? Be honest & try the quiz! Change your world.

1) Is anyone a little happier because you came along today?

2) Did you leave someone w/ any concrete evidence of your kindness, any sign of your love?

3) Did you try to think of someone in a more positve light?

4) Did you help someone feel joy?

5) Did you make someone laugh or least smile?

6) Have you attempted to remove a little rust that is corroding your relationships?

7) Have you gone through the day w/o fretting over what you don't have & celebrating the things you do have?

8) Have you forgiven others for being less than perfect?

9) Have you forgiven yourself?

10) Have you learned somthing new about life, living, or love?
fr: '92 Christmas edition of Family Circle

self smart : when we cease to love self

when we cease to love self ...

'We cease loving ourselves
if no one loves us.'
Madame de Stael

Why is this? Well, I shouldn't speak for all better just speak for myself!

I must admit even though I have bucked the crowds' opinion and stood on my own for a long while now, I buckle under when I am not feeling the love or a little attention. { I do not want to have the huge stage but it sure feels nice to be someone's little star. } Lately, I have looked down deep inside and professed that I will LOVE myself. If no one will step up and defind me, I will do so. No bitter attitude here. Only I really should stop lining up after everyone else to belittle me.

What would happen if I decided to be my own best friend ...
. . . to lavish myself w/ attention
. . . to five myself the benefit of the doubt
. . .to cheer myself on w/ the utmost affection & focus?

Hmmm, I just might be a kinder more loving person! more not less!

'dNba' treasure hunt ...

So there are 366 "do NOT be afraids" in the Bible? Hmmm, I think I am in need of a treasure hunt! ... a personal treasure hunt! 366 means there is one for each day and an extra one for good measure or save it for leap year.

.1.
"The Lord Himself goes before you & will go with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do NOT be afraid; Do NOT be discouraged. "
deut 31:8

This is one of my favorite verses I keep written on a 3x5 to keep it visually in my brain. I pray this too.

You know me and how I strongly believe our lives are an adventure full of mystery. What a perfect verse to for me to keep tucked closed to my spirit. God designed my journey so He knows what is ahead because He was there. He comes back and travels with me. He walks Hand in hand never leaving me nor forsaking for something or someone else. I sure love it when He leans in and Whispers with His Warm Low Voice, "Do NOT be afraid; do NOT be discouraged" .

There is power in fear and the enemy understands the law of fear keenly. Take a moment and stand back. Watch how fear spreds through a group of people. Amazing how easy it is to get caught up in it.

''Fear is contagious & if you catch it, it will make your life a wasteland.''
The Insider - peterson & shany

What a good way to travel with God on your journey. It can be personal or a family hunt! Might what to try it for yourself!

taken ...

Jeremiah 3:14 - I am married unto you.

Christ Jesus is joined unto His people in marriage-union. In love He espoused His Church as a chaste virgin, long before she fell under the yoke of bondage. Full of burning affection He toiled, like Jacob for Rachel, until the whole of her purchase-money had been paid, and now, having sought her by His Spirit, and brought her to know and love Him, He awaits the glorious hour when their mutual bliss shall be consummated at the marriage-supper of the Lamb.

Not yet hath the glorious Bridegroom presented His betrothed, perfected and complete, before the Majesty of heaven; not yet hath she actually entered upon the enjoyment of her dignities as His wife and queen: she is as yet a wanderer in a world of woe, a dweller in the tents of Kedar; but she is even now the bride, the spouse of Jesus, dear to His heart, precious in His sight, written on His hands, and united with His person.

On earth He exercises towards her all the affectionate offices of Husband. He makes rich provision for her wants, pays all her debts, allows her to assume His name, and to share in all His wealth. Nor will He ever act otherwise to her. The word divorce He will never mention, for "He hateth putting away." Death must sever the conjugal tie between the most loving mortals, but it cannot divide the links of this immortal marriage.

In heaven they marry not, but are as the angels of God; yet there is this one marvellous exception to the rule, for in Heaven Christ and His Church shall celebrate their joyous nuptials . This affinity as it is more lasting, so is it more near than earthly wedlock. Let the love of husband be never so pure and fervent, it is but a faint picture of the flame which burns in the heart of Jesus. Passing all human union is that mystical cleaving unto the Church, for which Christ left His Father, and became one flesh with her.
fr: Spurgeon's Morning Jul 22

Dearest Husbandman,
Human love has eluded me. Longing of teamship and journeying together has filled my daydreams. I am sure I recognized him yet my horizon is still. I was glad for days of just me because I am fuller. Now I wonder like I did in my younger age.

Your Whiper "This is your way; walk in it" keeps me diving into creativity. I fill my days with creating passion, making sunshine, and spreading beauty. I am loving out and being a good friend to myself. I will listen and walk in singlehood. I will make You proud. I love when You Smile upon me.

You stepped up and chose me. You called me to be on Your Team. I am united in You. Much love ...
~ always your bride

Spurgeon : who told thee?

who told thee?

Psalm 42:9 Why go I mourning?

Canst thou answer this, believer? Canst thou find any reason why thou art so often mourning instead of rejoicing? Why yield to gloomy anticipations? Who told thee that the night would never end in day? Who told thee that the sea of circumstances would ebb out till there should be nothing left but long leagues of the mud of horrible poverty? Who told thee that the winter of thy discontent would proceed from frost to frost, from snow, and ice, and hail, to deeper snow, and yet more heavy tempest of despair? Knowest thou not that day follows night, that flood comes after ebb, that spring and summer succeed winter? Hope thou then! Hope thou ever! For God fails thee not. Dost thou not know that thy God loves thee in the midst of all this? Mountains, when in darkness hidden, are as real as in day, and God's love is as true to thee now as it was in thy brightest moments. No father chastens always . . .

Rejoice even while passing through the furnace. Make the wilderness to blossom like the rose! Cause the desert to ring with thine exulting joys, for these light afflictions will soon be over, and then "for ever with the Lord," thy bliss shall never wane.

"Faint not nor fear, His arms are near,
He changeth not, and thou art dear;
Only believe and thou shalt see,
That Christ is all in all to thee."
fr: Charles Spurgeon's Evening Jul 21

Ah Heavenly Father,
I have found great joy and delight in all Your LovingKindness towards me. I had lived in the heavy tempest but now I walk in the SonLight ... with warm sands tickling my toes. I had been tripping in the dark basement of loniness and fear but now I walk hand in Hand with you. I love Your Almighty Arms. They make me safe and at rest. I am at my best curled up into Your Chest .. { happy sigh } I love You!
~ always your little lamb

Spurgeon : wonders in the deep

yellow blossoms ...

While I have some other entries in the hot house, I realized I need to chatter on about the progress of my blue pumpkins!!! Every weekend or anytime I'm at my parents, I take a walk back to check on my darlings. Dad planted them in a mound but I swear these plants are huge and waist high! I even detected several yellow blossoms! Cannot wait to spot a baby pumpkin bump!!!!!!

mad chow : pushing up dirt

your persuation within ...

Dear Miss Anne Elliot,
I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own, than when you almost broke it eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone I think and plan. - Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? - I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones in that voice, when they would be lost on others. - Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating in
~Captain Frederick Wentworth

I must go , uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow you party, as soon as possible. A word, a look will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never.
fr: Jane Austin's Persuation

Boy and girl meet and fall in love. Girl, age 28, decides to take advise of a good married friend and declines boy's hand in marriage (it is the 1800's). Boy goes to the sea and becomes captain of a ship. Boy comes back. Boy and girl find that in their hearts their love for each other secretly burns. They do the glance dance but are afraid that each other has moved on. Happy ending! Boy writes letter and girl indeed makes it known to him of the love she still harbors for him.

I read the book and watched the movie because it was mentioned in the movie Lake House. I was curious to the connection and even more puzzled over the title. However, digging through the definition and drawing the dots in, it came together.

Persuation = influence, point of view, advice, urging, wiles, opinion, arguements, affiliation

When it comes to love, I think it is wise to see your relationship through another eyes .. a well trusted pair of eyes that is! You must be aware of any flaws and be able to live with them. This is a life long commitment or it should be! However, I am seeing that you must take stock of your own persuation. If you are growing in fullness, if you are taking care of yourself, if you are your best friend, your own belief and values should ring true when it comes to love. Take advice from others, but also see it through your eyes. Mix it up! Ask yourself the tough questions. The persuation of your own heart must come through or you will live in turmoil when it comes to life.... Wait! when it comes to anything your life offers! Hold to what is beautiful and true within... and make the decision that brings forth the real you...

wonders in the deep ...

It is clear, then, that self must stand out of the way, that there may be room for God to be exalted; . . .

He whose life is one even and smooth path, will see but little of the Glory of the Lord, for he has few occasions of self-emptying, and hence, but little fitness for being filled with the Revelation of God. They who navigate little streams and shallow creeks, know but little of the God of tempests; but they who
"do business in great waters,"
these see His "wonders in the deep."
Among the huge Atlantic-waves of bereavement, poverty, temptation, and reproach, we learn the Power of Jehovah, because we feel the littleness of man. Thank the Almighty, then, if you have been led by a rough road: it is this which has given you your experience of God's Greatness and Lovingkindness. Your troubles have enriched you with a wealth of knowledge to be gained by no other means: your trials have been the Cleft of the Rock in which Jehovah has set you, as He did His servant Moses, that you might behold His glory as it passed by. Praise God that you have not been left to the darkness and ignorance which continued prosperity might have involved, but that in the great fight of affliction, you have been capacitated for the Outshinings of His Glory in His Wonderful Dealings with you.
fr: Spurgeon's Morning Jul 19

Wow! How true I have found in my own life.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for the Deep Wonders in my life like the sensitive You are creating me to be. I so often shed tears for the pain of aloneness I feel yet I know You never leave me, how You take Delight over me, and how You hold me when I feel so desperate. I am truly blessed and I wouldn't have it any other way! I love You!
~ always Your little girl

God promised safe landing NOT calm passage!

Spurgeon : Peace for an agitated heart

intimidated vs honored

she said . . .
... that she was a very giving person and that she was NOT intimidated by those around her instead she was very honored ...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She may be in a competition but I feel this is true for our life journey. When we are intimidated, we work from our base ugly side. When we are honored, we work harder to be better and to be a nice person. What a way to live ...

He holds me ...

I have a dream that when I have my glass shop or/& when I have my writer's den on the door somehow stencil these words:
Thou hast also given me the shield of Thy Salvation:
&Thy Right Hand hath holden me up,
& Thy Gentleness hath made me great.
Thou hast enlarged my steps under me,
that my feet did not slip.
Psalms 18:35 & 36
as a reminder to myself of Who has me in His Almighty Hand and Who has made way for my dreams. But what about right now and not waiting until my dream comes true? a seed of faith ...

. . . . . . . a Hand to hold onto . . . . . . .

b/c He had need of you

His people, His Blessing .. friend or foe?

Gen 12:2 And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gen 22:17 That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which [is] upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies;
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Deu 28:8 The LORD shall command the blessing upon thee in thy storehouses, and in all that thou settest thine hand unto; and he shall bless thee in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
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Psalms 80
¹ Hear us, O Shepherd of Israel,
       You who lead Joseph like a flock;
       You who sit enthroned between the cherubim, shine forth

² before Ephraim, Benjamin and Manasseh.
       Awaken Your might;
       come and save us.

³ Restore us, O God;
       make Your face shine upon us,
       that we may be saved.

⁴ O LORD God Almighty,
       how long will Your anger smolder
       against the prayers of Your people?

⁵ You have fed them with the bread of tears;
       You have made them drink tears by the bowlful.

⁶ You have made us a source
       of contention to our neighbors,
       and our enemies mock us.

⁷ Restore us, O God Almighty;
       make Your Face shine upon us,
       that we may be saved.

⁸ You brought a vine out of Egypt;
       You drove out the nations and planted it.

⁹ You cleared the ground for it,
       and it took root and filled the land.

¹⁰ The mountains were covered with its shade,
       the mighty cedars with its branches.

¹¹ It sent out its boughs to the Sea, [a]
       its shoots as far as the River. [b]

¹² Why have You broken down its walls
       so that all who pass by pick its grapes?

¹³ Boars from the forest ravage it
       and the creatures of the field feed on it.

¹⁴ Return to us, O God Almighty!
       Look down from heaven and see!
       Watch over this vine,

¹⁵ the root Your Right Hand has planted,
       the son [c] You have raised up for Yourself.

¹⁶ Your vine is cut down, it is burned with fire;
       at Your rebuke Your people perish.

¹⁷ Let Your Hand rest on the man at Your Right Hand,
       the son of man You have raised up for yourself.

¹⁸ Then we will not turn away from You;
       revive us, and we will call on Your Name.

¹⁹ Restore us, O LORD God Almighty;
       make Your Face shine upon us,
       that we may be saved.

Footnotes:
a. Psalm 80:11 Probably the Mediterranean
b. Psalm 80:11 That is, the Euphrates
c. Psalm 80:15 Or branch
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Gensis 12:2-3
² "I will make you into a great nation
       and I will bless you;
       I will make your name great,
       and you will be a blessing.

³ I will bless those who bless you,
       and whoever curses you I will curse;
       and all peoples on earth
       will be blessed through you."
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friendship rules we make ...

I had this quest to find my best friend when I was a little girl. I blame it on 'Anne of Green Gables'! Anne the orphan found her best friend and so could I. Oh, I think I was caught up so in that magical book world. I found out that it is a mystical beast. I became an adult and my childhood ended when my so called best friend decided that she didn't need me because now she was all about her new family. With broken pieces in my hands, I made my formula and it goes something like this:

my friendship scale est. 1992?
LEVEL 3 :: favorite or great friends :: strong ties
LEVEL 2 :: good friends :: minimal ties
LEVEL 1 :: peers & aquaintances
0 :: people I don't trust
Always treat everyone with warmth, poise, and respect . Everyone deserves respect, but trust is earned. No force or persuasion! Friendship just happens.

I know I probably shouldn't think so hard on this, but it is something of a mystery I would love to crack open. So it is a favorite question to ask. Here is what a deep friend of mine has as his friend formula:

LONG TERM... I decide whether it's in my interest, or has a higher purpose, if I work toward getting on with this person... either yes or no is fine. And my behavior... while ALWAYS curteous... is guided by that decision.

SHORT TERM... by this I mean the individual periods of interaction... I draw a line in my mind and decide what's the least I want out of these interactions, to walk away feeling good.  If you like, it's like a bottom line in accounting terms, where by it's the least amount of progress you want to achieve from that little bit of interaction.  The line will always be different each time I speak with or interact with that person.
~ PreciousGift \ fr: Nov 28, 2003 email

I have to admit I raised my eyebrows at his short term guidelines! That is scary! Just maybe we have taken it too far or maybe we have been hurt a bit too much. { hurt is more like it }

So where do I stand today? Have my wounds healed up? Can I make an attempt to reach out with out care of the response in return? Meaning can I reach out and the reaching out is enough?

I still feel the need to label so that I know where I stand and how I want be with others. However, as of now there are no levels. Just different areas friends and everyday people fall into and how my outflow and connection will be.

My favorite type of friendship is a deep friend. I crave living in the deep so being able to dive into the stuff that makes us tick is like immercing oneself into a vat of dark chocolate. Divine! What makes it deep? Being intimate with someone in at least one or more of these areas: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Note of caution: This type of friendship is NOT one where you can go away and come back and go on like there was no break. To take from PreciousGift this is a long term friend. If you are going through something, this friend is going to journey with you. No, they can't get into your HolyMud for you, but they can take off their shoes, and kneal on this SacredGround. Guarantee that both will come through this experience in the same place. Hand holding hand.

What types of people should fall into this place? You better make sure your significant other is a deep friend. In fact they had better be deep with you in all areas of your life! Or major guarantee that your relationship won't have longevity. The other people that should fall into this place are those who push you towards God and towards being a fuller you. Oh, don't forget that your relationship with God should be deep and it should be deep physically, mentally, emotionally and not just sectioned off in the soul. He is your Keeper so you better keep Him.

Another type of friendship is the great friends. During my college years was the time I gleaned many a great friend. These are long term friends too. You may share deep stuff and you will have a shared time in this life. Yet, there is a natural coming together and going on. My college girlfriends are scattered all over yet when we come back to each other, we can talk and carry on like old times.

Here I think sharing our lives is key but the glue that holds is the staying power. These friends are much easier to lose if you don't keep each other close not just in your thoughts but you must cultivate connection. You must reach out and double insurance if they reach back. (Mental note: with gas prices cutting into my savings, I still must stop pinching pennies long enough to at least call or write. Emails are too slow. I am the only one who is actively on the web a ton. ) You must keep their backs. You must be dependable. You are on call if trouble should arise and they have need of you.

Next comes good friends. You have shared time together and you get along great. But when life moves you, you know that this friend can't go with you. You may meet up again and say hi and do some catch up. But life moves way to fast to actively hold on to them. It is a natural short term connection. You still cherish these friends for you need them. They are your allies.

While my good friends tend to be the ones I make at work, there is need of a professional behavior. Think boss or those you work with. Work is what funds your life, but on the broader scale, work is a teamsport. Now there are those who treat it like a dog fight so this comes in real handy. Basically, behaving professionally is being respectful and helpful. Doing your best work. No backstabbing or undermining someone else to get ahead.

Finally and the most surprise to me, is the what I call sunshine. I am huge on keeping a balance. I realized I was way to far into my deep side. No wonder I was mislabeled as being someone I wasn't. Something had to change so I divided my life in half. One side was depth and I quite mastered that. The other side was my surface. I wanted my surface to match who I was deep down. I could never be outgoing just not in me, but I am 'bubbly shy'. There is power in greeting people. It opens up doors of communication and they carry away with them the smile I give them. It is my goal to make sunshine to all.

Now you must be thinking that I have totally lossed all my marbles! That's ok cuz I am in a much better place.

Before I go there are still friendships that go belly up. There are many times you give out your best sunshine only to get harsh storm clouds back. There are times when endings are violent to your very being and heated anger takes hold of you. There are some that leave without warning. No goodbyes or reasons. There are some that change before our very lives and what was real wasn't and you wonder at your own truth. It is a wonder that with all the bumping and chaffing people do to each other that we could ever hold onto a friend. Labels don't carry the same definition from one person to the next. And no label can defend you against those who harm you. I am finding that the friendship journey is refining your outflow and with this struggle I am realizing to be a good friend to myself. I'm not going anywhere and if I claim to be tenacious, then I need to tenaciously treat myself with love. If I cannot love and enjoy the person I am becoming, then what will flow up from my deepest parts will not be well received....

I still have to believe in friendship. It isn't good for man to live alone...

to hold hands after the storm ...

"Real love is when you go through the toughest storm & find yourself still holding hands when you come out."
fr: some lovebirds

I know I have some personal trials on my life journey. No one will be able to take the experience from me. It is God-Designed. However, there is always a flip side to that personal storm like prayer, love, presence, loving kindness, ... To journey along side in this way can insure that you both will end up in the same place and not apart. I hold to this strongly. It is the scariest time for me when a deep friend pulls away. I fear we will not end up in the same place. My heart is heavy with fear ...

My Husbandman,
My little hand feels so secure in Your Almighty Hand. I cry out to You. I so want to be in the same place when his storm is over. I wonder if he had a thought of or sent prayers for me. Does he miss our thought~scapes?

My feelings are so strong here. Are these feelings true to Your Design? I feel it true. Ah, yes! I will move to what I can control. love! My outflow... to serve with love ....

Thank You for being with me not only through my storms but on the other side as well. I love You!
~ always your little girl

where two or three travel

crack filler (verb)

a quote I gathered along my way ...

Give what is precious:
your time,
your compassion,
your strength,
for giving is the salve that heals humankind,
the caulk that seals the crack.
fr: ''A Crack in Forever"

Lean in ... hear the whisper? ah, LOVE !
one more thing... He needs of you!

word slueth: second hand stress
b/c he had need of you
word slueth: comfort

well rounded education ...

I was having a discussion about education and was enlightened. There are many concerned about America's schools like Bill Gates. With all the cracks our kids are falling through, the solution seems to be modeled after the business world. I loved the improved buildings. I loved the excitement of kids loving the learning process. I have to admit some of the things look great but after seeing it through another's eyes, I am not happy about the direction some are taking.

In one case they are making freshman in high schools declare their course of study. Then they are stuck in that learning track. It is like the business world is selecting out certain qualities and then making them into clones to work without real thought. Talk about discrimination! What happens when you change your mind and want to study something else? What happens if you have an original idea?

Yes, I am all about dreams. Creativity & Art are essential to the inventors that made America great. A well rounded education makes a better thinker than a one track rut into work boredom.

b/c He had need of you ...

I am a dream~keeper. I love to get to the core of you and know your dream and your passions because that is the deep parts of you. Those dreams fuel your actions. Those dreams bring a spark to your eye and a smile to your lips. It is what is beautiful and wild about you.

Of late I have been kick'en about 2bit jobs, connections, and dreams here. It amazes me over and over that when I am searching, God brings me little nuggets. As I build them together, what a heap of gold I've got!

I was given a quote today that I must share with you. Be encouraged!!!

The most secret, sacred wish that lies deep down at the bottom of your heart, the wonderful thing that you hardly dare to look at, or to think about -- the thing that you would rather die than have anyone else know of, because it seems so far beyond anything that you are, or have at the present time, that you fear you would be cruelly ridiculed if the mere thought of it were known -- that is just the very thing that God is wishing you to do or to be for Him. And the birth of that marvelous wish in your soul -- the dawning of that secret dream -- was the Voice of God Himself telling you to arise and come up higher because He had need of you.

~ Emmet Fox
'Your Heart's Desire, ca. 1922

God needs us!!! Did you hear?
The Creator who made your very being tucked those dreams and passions in your heart. It is your purpose to carry out, your gift to give this world. No dream is too small. He needs every one. He created humans to connect and have relationships. Man cannot live alone. Those dreams are the very connections He is in need of. Are you keeping the dream? Are you connecting others to Him?

Oh, sure I do believe that God is Mighty and carries out Awesome Works. He does not need us, but the neatest part is that God chooses to need us! So He put in the foundations of this world and into every single human being the need to connect and to dream!
Wooohooo! What an Awesome God!

directing the unknown in a 2bit job

a blessing for her ...

*I know of someone who is in the midst of divorcing her alcohalic husband. Her only child just graduated from high school and now is in training for the army. She let him go for his dream even as she hides her mother's ache. Her house with the prcious little pond she loves so is up for sale. She is boxing up all her belongings and crashing at familys who are also in the process of selling their house. She has three dogs minus one and a cat. Over the 4th her one dog tore her ACL tendon and with a $1200 price tag with no guarantees, she put her Julie to sleep this weekend. She has an older dog with heart issues, but he is still ticking. Now the cat won't eat. All of this over a simple question, 'how was your weeekend'. She is asking what else can go wrong.

¡! I shed tears for her and my heart still aches. I know she must want to curl up in a ball and hide. I know she must feel so devalued. I keep wondering what to do. I know for sure that when I search and ask God to light up the way, He comes through for me every time. I wonder if God is calling her name. I wonder if God needs me ... I am here ... listening ...

I know of someone: God divorced Jesus, did you know?

Rusty update V ...

Rusty has been able to make some home visits to get a feel of what he will be needing to work on in his theraphy. He isn't fully discharged from the hospital yet, but will be coming home this friday. Then he will be going to his local hospital for theraphy. Robin (mother) isn't keen about this hospital because of word of mouth that it isn't the best place.

Rusty will go back to his parents to live for now. Martin (father) made some ramps to handle the wheelchair but had to redo to be in code. So even though the family knows about how to adapt things for Corey (bro), there is still a lot to work out. I asked about Rusty's house he recently got. They are going to keep it maintained. Their hope is that Rusty can make a transition back into a life on his own.

Rusty has a real good spirit about his accident and injury. A victory is that he can go the the bathroom with any help. When this victory was accomplished , he rolled out of the bathroom and annouced to his mother, 'Mom, I went to the bathroom like a big boy!' How precious is this young (22) man's spirit!

There are limits for Rusty and it is 'Mom, help me with this or that'. It can wear you out. With two sons with challenges, it will take a lot of patience and endurance.

prayer:
to honor this trial and life lessons happening here...
a great spirit
coming together and not tearing apart
salvation & faith

Rusty update IV

directing the unknown in a 2bit job ...

He could not believe the job assignment! He was to go into a evil foreign land. This would be committing suicide for they surely would take his life! The daily abuse he would receive was more than he could handle. The atmosphere would suck all life from his spirit. What was the Boss thinking???

Instead he hopped on a boat going the other direction. Time for him to take matters in his own hands. This was asking toooo much. Oh, what was his job? To be a light, to connect people in need with the Almighty, to preach the Word.

Uh oh, you do not mess with the Boss. His plans are way above ours and His Everlasting Arms can direct such havoc on our lives when you fail His plan. He is allllll about connections and relationships especially the relationship with Him. He created in the dna of the human being that they cannot live alone. Insular behavior is not part of His Divine Workings.

So He made a storm soooo huge and violent that the men of the ship became desperate for their lives. They cast lots and on the short end was Jonah. There Jonah had fessed that he served the God of Isreal who made the sea. "Toss me overboard and your sea will quiet down," he said. After much debate and prayer, they did so.

A huge fish swallowed up Jonah. After crying out to his Maker and repenting, God had the big fish vomit him on shore. Jonah went to that foreign land and gave the Word to the people. The people were sooo moved they repented and followed God.

To bad the story doesn't end with Jonah rejoicing. Instead he cops a real ugly bad attitude. He is angry and would rather die for that anger. Here is where you want to question Jonah or maybe you even feel like Jonah and want to question God. So let us have at it...

beginning with Jonah ...
Can't you see deeper into your prayer? Isn't what you pour out to God the same for people of Nineveh? Can't you see the evil water engulfing these people? Where the deep had them surrounded and seaweed wrapped about their head? Can't you see the Lord remembering these people as their life was ebbing away? Do you really believe what you cried out that Salvation comes from the Lord? Doesn't this salvation belong to all who take part?

Jonah, I understand anger. I have had it and it still comes to me. Most of the time anger comes from feeling out of control and my power grubbing hands wanting to still the storm. Thankfully, God is the Master of the sea and of the storm.

Dearest Master of the Divine Plan,
Once again you met me here in my search of those times when it is more chaotic than peaceful. Questions of why seem to overcome my quest to live out the how. Here You answer why You might take us through some rough patches, why You might have a 2bit job for us to carry out in joy and not in the bad attitude.

I am seeing deeper into Your Divine Plan. It is not just about what is going on in my life, rather it is about the outflow of my life into others. There are others in this Great Plan of Yours who need salvation, who need love, and who need to see You. No matter how I look at it, I cannot help but see that all of us humans are interconnected. We cannot hide ourselves away. We must have an outflow.

Thank You for the depth of this Window to Your very Soul! How brilliant are Your Masterful Ways.
~ always seeking for depth

Funny but amazing how God meets me! Here are some sermon thoughts that fit here:

' Awe '
- something we are born with but we tend to lose it as we grow older.
- When we have lost our awe, we lose God's Presence in our lives!

Spiritual Growth is simply encreasing our sence of God's Presence .

Are you living fully?

Are you a resistor or a conductor?

'When an artist is a servant of the Work, the Work is better than the artist.' { love this! }

Cannot limit God! Jonah tried and God brought about a storm, a whale of a fish, and a withering vine to break out of Jonah's box.

2bit jobs
directing unknown circumstances

2bit jobs...

'God has given me my 'road to Damascus' experience. But I'm not yet in Damascus speaking to Ananias. The scales have yet to fall off. I can't see yet what it is I'm saying. God has made me for more than working in two-bit jobs. But what? I know the sole purpose of man is to love and serve the Lord. So how can I do that and still earn a living?
fr: PreciousGift (in an email conversation last wk of jun 2001)

I was going over some email with a deep friendship I once had taking stock of a connection. I came across a recurring thread in his life. I saw my younger self responding and I wondered what I would say now as I am striving more to make my passion my profession. I encourage him with thoughts that had stirred me at the time like the sermon title...

Going to have to refer to the sermon on Sunday,  the title was 'When God has a picnic'  referring to the little boy w/ the 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes.  With what little amount given freely by the little boy, look what Jesus did -- He fed 5000 people.  Meaning that it is all about what God can do with what little we have to offer.  Too much for this small brain of mine. ~k

A good thought but I wanted to stir up the pot again to see what was clear and what was not. See, I really had no answers back then. I was sitting on a dream. A dream to write was squashed so little it was 'oh, wouldn't it be nice to write a song and have some great male country voice sing it?' I was too afraid to write a novel because poems where more my speed. etc ...

One thing that is really loud to me over the years was to dream and passionately go for it. Yet, for some reason I was doing my share of 2bit jobs. However, in these 2bit jobs there was something for me to learn. Though I wished for easier passage, I carry the gifts of sensitivity, confidence of my brain, Joy, a sunny surface, and love service into my dreams. In fact my dreams are richer because of my dark passages and 2bit jobs!

One of my biggest lessons was my sence of balance. I have divided my life in half, one side my professional side or the giving outward side and my personal side or my inward side. As of now my professional life contains a job that is a good fit and the atmosphere is much improved over the previous job. It provides a home, food on the table, healthcare, and gas for my jeep. To balance myself my personal life is all about painting, writing, and all things creative. It feeds my heart and soul. Even though my passion is not yet my profession, I am hungry and full all at the same time. I am Joyful. My journey is more focused now to moving in the direction of my passion.

His purpose is not to save us from pain and suffering,
but from meaninglessness!

We need to let ourselves become the unique individuals that God created us to be.
fr: the Barbarian Way

I believe soooooo strongly that our passions where tucked there when we were Created by God in the womb to be unleashed and given to this world for this very passion is needed by the world.

I am very keen on knowing what fills your love tank.

I realized that not only does God speak our primary love language to show His Love to us, but we speak our primary love language in showing our love to God.

The tragedy is that people who choose not to love are never happy people. Their lack of love hurts not only the other person, but it atrophies their own souls. People who refuse to love live on the edge of desperation.

The opposite of connection is abandonment. The opposite of acceptance is rejection, and the opposite of nurture is abuse - physical or verbal { absence! } {yeah, I am not the only person screaming this! }
fr: the Love Languages of God by Gary Chapman

We must know what is love is. To me it is words of affirmation. I am much more at peace and in love with my God because of exhaling and inhaling here on my llj blog. Here I bring what I hear from His Voice and then I return my voice back to Him. Sundays are not a day of rest unless I can talk to Him here. Once my love tank is full from His Fountain, I can fill their love tanks with their brand of love (words, quiet time, service, gifts, & touch). Here in this place I can delight in Him and walk tall in this peaceful love. Our connection it vital.

I feel PreciousGift's dreams and profession. I would like him to see the need to keep a Day of Rest. It was God-Designed and a God-Given gift for us to live a fuller life. At this time when his profession is far from his passion, I feel he should visit a health care home where he can go and visit other people in need of physical touch. Oh, I know this would fill his love tank so and his visits would be the most coveted in the place! He would feel God in this place. Then when he is finished long after visiting hours { wink } , he could spend some time near Nature like the ocean.

With his professional side being full of 2bit jobs like farming, waitering, and other hard labor, his salesman skills are wasted. I would like him to see that he still can be a salesman. I remember him telling me that he didn't want to write the book with me because in order to sell the book, you must be 'naked' meaning transparent and that I wasn't. So here is 'naked'! He really needs to take a look at all that is precious to him and really get himself immersed in it. He needs to see his profession as a place to show his brand of love-giving and a way to connect (touch) to others. When he sells what he knows is True to his own heart and soul, others will see the joyful PreciousGift and not the angry one.

One day he will be able to say, 'My passion is my profession'. One day he will look back and see his life history and be able to trace all the good gifts God had provided for his journey...

I also know that this is PreciousGift's journey and his decision... I will always cheer him on towards his passions and dreams...

One parting thought about 2bit jobs...
Atmosphere is huge when it comes to our jobs. It can break us or make us grow. My past job has made me very conscious of this ... We can make an atmosphere good and then there are times when the atmosphere is so heavy that it begins to eat away at our very soul & you will need to know this is God leading you in a different direction... Well, this is my naked 2cents on 2bit jobs...

"All men die.  Only a few really live." 
(Braveheart) 
"What you do on earth echoes through eternity." 
(Gladiator) 

... our connections do ripple outward with no end ...

UK 7/7 reflections ...

jul 07/06 : London o London
jul 08/06 : soak in the beauty in the midst of terror
jul 09/06 : dark vapor or brilliant blaze
jul 10/06 : personal light journey
jul 11/06 : meaning of black riders
jul 12/06 : man's calling in this new age of terror
jul 13/06 : resist you are not alone
jul 14/06 : light

Or link up here for the a whole months reflection with Jul 7 -14 being the UK reflections : July 05

Violent death of the masses seem to be gathering on the horizon once again and not that it really ever went away. It makes my job more forefront in my mind. I am here on this earth to reflect borrowed Light, make sunshine, spread beauty, fill love tanks, create passion, and delight in the Almighty. I must admit there are times when pulling the covers over my head is the only thing I can do to hide. But I must not. I was tought to make connections (wise childhood lesson) so I must...

from the Boss

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: THE BOSS
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it.  Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend;  Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!
fr: PreciousGift - a fwd of encouragement

called to be free ...

You, my brothers, were called to be free.
But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature;
rather, serve one another in love.
Gal 5:13
Free to do good things not evil. Free to love .. Love by affirming words, by quiet time with others, by acts of service, by giving gifts, and by tounching others. Free to be full of joy & delight. Free to live our lives to the fullest with all of its adventures and mysteries! Free to live out our passions to give to our world.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
history lessons:

The Declaration of Independence was approved this day, July 4, 1776. John Hancock, the first to sign, said: "the price on my head has just doubled." Benjamin Franklin signed saying "We must hang together or most assuredly we shall hang separately." Of the fifty-six signers: 17 lost their fortunes, 12 had their homes destroyed, 9 fought and died, 5 were arrested as traitors, and 2 lost sons in the War. As Samuel Adams signed, he said: "We have this day restored the Sovereign to whom all men ought to be obedient. He reigns in heaven and from the rising to the setting of the sun, let His kingdom come."

Washington, D.C. was in a panic as 70,000 Confederate troops were marching toward it just sixty miles away. The furious fighting lasted three days. As General Lee found his ammunition running low, he ordered General Pickett to make a direct attack. After an hour of murderous fire and bloody hand-to-hand combat, the Confederates were pushed back and the Battle of Gettysburg ended this day, July 3, 1863, with over 50,000 casualties. President Lincoln confided: "When everyone seemed panic-stricken...I went to my room...and got down on my knees before Almighty God and prayed."
~gathered by Bill Federer
for American Minute @ crosswalk.com
or check his book, "America's God & Country"

I tried to write this qoute word for word and get the author too.
It seems I have failed somwhere but what I have I will write here:
"When people forget God, others will forge their chains."
the 4th: fireworks display!

230 yrs!

Rusty update IV ...

Rusty :
The neck brace is off. He did break his neck and has lost 20% of his neck movement. He can feel his legs and they are still saying he won't be able to walk. However, there seems to be the hope that with therapy he can defy the odds. They will soon send him home in a wheel chair where he will go to his local hospital for therapy. No, Chicago for rehab is out of the discussion.

He had a bladder infection and they treated him like he had an infectious disease!

Robin & Martin :
(parents) Robin was very upset by the hospital's care of Rusty over the bladder infection. By the weekend though her mood has shifted to a better state. What do you expect? You want the best care for your child!

Corey :
My little bro has been caring for Corey on Tuesdays. They have been hitting it off quite well. Corey trusts him. The attention span is quite short and that is a challenge. Like playing outdoors, it is a minute on the swing and inside they go. Walks seem out of the question. Corey likes to ride in cars. So little bro might take him for a spin in his jeep. But with gas prices and carrying precious cargo, this is a pray request.

other thoughts :
Salvation and building of faith ...
Bringing together of family and marriage not tearing apart ...
Rusty just moved into his own place. Now what ? Redesigning the place if not renting, look for another place, or move back home ...
Rusty's spirit ... that is ready for this battle ahead and that he can keep upbeat. 22 yrs old ....

Tuesdays w/ Corey

The Lord Himself goes before you
& will be with you.
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; Do not be discouraged.
~ duet 31:8

dark side of opinions, feelings, & needs ...

t/f? Conflict arises from expression of opinions, feelings, & needs.
What a statement! I happen to believe it is true and it makes me twinge inside. I also would have to add instincts into the mix of conflict.

I truly hate conflict but to be the unique person we are created to be, our lives produce in us edgy opinions, raw emotions and feelings, sharp or dull instints, and those achy needs. Maybe by knowing this we can approach conflict as a sacred place. We have the ability to kneel and keep soft peace.

What will you do?

directing unknown circumstances ...

"God Works the Night Shift'' by Ron Mehl is a book that I most recently have been treasuring. I have been using it to pray and to see more deeply into our lives. I want to chatter on about his chapter he named 'He Is Directing Circumstances I Know Nothing About'

Ron does a great break down of how God orchestrated Christmas and he uses a few personal stories. I read this particuliar chapter as I am dealing with the mysteries of my own pageant. I love how God meets me in the very place I am searching. Sunday morning sermon gave me a little girl's pageant to tell here. How seeming misfortune for a little girl led a man right to the feet of the Almighty God. But before I retell the story, I want to use Ron's words to introduce how God's Plan is directed out in our lives:
''The Zeal of the LORD of hosts will perform this.''
Isaiah 9:7

Webster defines 'zeal' as ''intense enthusiasm, as in working for a cause; ardent endeavor or devotion; fervor or passion."

God's zeal is His relentless, tireless, uncompromising commitment to accomplish His will. Nothing in this universe will stand in the way of the Lord's zeal! ... Nothing high or low, big or little, living or dead, visible or invisible will hinder or impede His work. Nothing, nothing, nothing. He will accomplish what He sets out to do. He's passionate about it. ...

Sometimes I wish we could look behind the curtain of our lives and see God's zeal at work. How He moves and arranges people nd times and circumstances to accomplish His will. Nothing catches Him short. Nothing takes Him by surprise. He'a anticipated everything. ...

I'm so thankful God is a Father who has thought of everything. He's pre-planned and pre-arranged ever step of our journey. He's prepared to fund the whole project -- and even the incidentals. He'll get us from here to there and throw in a few nice surprises when the miles get long and the spirit grows weary.

His zeal will cheer us all the way Home.
fr: ''God Works the Night Shift'' ~ by Ron Mehl

The is a little girl around the age of 10 or 11 living in Old Isreal. She probably had a doll nestled on her bed. She probably had a garden place along side her mom. She probably had a favorite herb or veggie. She probably had a favorite olive tree where she would climb up and pick olives to make oil. She probably had a pet lamb she cooed over and cared for. She probably played with sibblings and neighborhood kids until dusk when she heard her momma call for her. She probably could get lost in a bed of wildflowers enjoying the fragrance. Maybe that is where she was when a raid happen.

A warring neighboring country came in and raided the town. This little girl was plucked from her loving home and given to Naaman's wife as a maid servent girl. I am sure there was saddness in her heart for her loving mother who shooed away all her aches and pains, and for her ever protecting father who had the best bear hugs around. Yes, sadness for her brothers and sisters. Oh how she missed her garden and her beloved pet lamb! But as you peek in her pageant, you don't see tears or tantrums! You sence a little girl serving her mistress with real peace and faith. She probably is reciting the 10 commandments and the God-Stories she was told by her father around the fire before bedtime as she did her service. Ahh, treasuring she was.

You see Naaman has this really bad skin condition and this little girl tells Mrs Naaman, her mistress, that she knows of someone who can heal him! Look at her faith! She is in a strange land with strange gods and she pipes up that she knows of a Healer. Realize that if there is no healing, she could pay for it with her own life. No matter. She knows what is hidden in her heart. What faith!

Naaman does go to see the healer. After a bit of misbelief, he does as he was told and is healed. Then Naaman makes a life commitment then and there to bow his knee to the Only One True God.

God took a small girl and plucked her out of her loving home and placed her in Naaman's home so that Naaman and his house could have God's Love transform them. Here we got to see the curtain pulled back. The Mystery Reveal!

So when our lives seemingly have run amuck and the Plan is invisable to our feeble eyes, there is a human element out there besides our own. We are connected and in those connections, God is zealously working His Pageant ....

another pageant piece revealed : at the end of the spear ... see thought #2

Polar Express ...

Yup, I watched this movie on a hot July day!!!! and it is a Christmas movie. I rate this movie a 10.

My mother bought the movie to watch with her grandkids, but felt mislead. 'The movie is about believing in Santa Clause,' she said.

Then I told her my take on the movie. Sure, there was a Santa Clause in the movie, but it was more about your journey. Each child that got on the Polar Express had a unique journey. The punching ot the ticket was uniquely theirs. That was pretty funny in itself! The ticket was punched at the beginning of their journey and it was a bit cryptic but at the end of the journey a whole word was punched out on their ticket. Learn for one, Lead for another, and Believe for the main character. Isn't that true for each one of us? Our lives circle around and around a particuliar design.

The movie wasn't about the gift getting even though gifts was apart of it. The boy from the other side of the tracks who never had Christmas at his house received a gift. You felt the tears well up inside as he clung to that gift. You know he treasured the receiving.

How often do we adults give up on this life we have? We lost the joy and delight. We trudge through our God-Given life as with lead boots! It is a privilege to receive this life and live out its adventure!

Mom is going to rewatch this movie with new eyes... she is beginning to see the journey part peek out around Santa Clause.

movie review : End of the Spear

End of the Spear ...

I watched this movie last week. There are movies out there that I refuse to rate because they deal with real life issues. There is a reason for making these movies... to tell a story ... to tell truth. This is one of those movies.

I have two thoughts:
1) the strength of a woman
It does not matter what tribe you are from, look to the woman there is in the very fiber of her being is a strength that is unmeasurable. It is a mystery but a truth. God designed woman as a beautiful creature and it is without fail how this world loves to crush that beauty. To all the evil and death in this world, be it known that this strength you find in a woman is stronger than any man made metal when woman is tapped into the Almighty Rock of Ages.

This movie was a precious picture and a reminder to me a stubborn girlchild to keep the faith in God burning strong. No matter what bleak days are ahead, beauty can lay her life out for others...

2) some God-Mysteries do come full circle and are revealed here on earth
The movie goes on to tell the story full circle. You are not left with the four young fathers murdered on the shore of this death hungry tribe as I was told as a child. The Mystery is revealed to the young son left fatherless as a young man. This son meets face to face with his father's converted killer. He had to come to terms with the fact that at the End of the Spear his father died so at the End of the Spear a death hungry man found New Life!

What an embrace it will be that Day when this tribesman is welcomed to Heaven by Jim Elliot. Tears will flow as the Son of God embraces them both and they see how the Author and Finisher intertwined their life events ...

movie review : the Lake House

fireworks display ...

I have skybox seats for the anual fireworks display every 4th. I have to say best seats and at no cost! No rude behavior or quito bites ruin my patroitic flare. In fact a more thankful emotion washes over me as I look out my bedroom window.

With the bursts of colorful sparks and pops of sound, I thank God for living in a free country to worship in the way I choose. I love the national athem because I am right there with Francis Scott Key seeing explosion after explosion light up the night sky and to have morning break to see the flag was still there is an amazing picture for me as I cherish this land my forefather's gave their lives for ... for me!

It truly helps to be in love. Yes, the old saying something that everything is better when you are in love. I love my home, a quiet retreat. I love my family, a place to connect and a place to love. I love my puppers, a warm tangable gooy unconditional love. I love creativity, a place to express happy sunshine. I love God-Created Nature. The lightingbugs where glowing in the fire auroma filled night. It makes me smile to think God created such a bug to glow for my sheer delight. So yes, fireworks are best enjoyed in love and gratitude.

the 4th : freedom thoughts

peace for an agitated heart ...

Unto Thee will I cry, O Lord my rock;
be not silent to me: lest, if Thou be silent to me,
I become like them that go down into the pit.
~ Psalm 28:1

A cry is the natural expression of sorrow, and a suitable utterance when all other modes of appeal fail us; but the cry must be alone directed to the Lord, for to cry to man is to waste our entreaties upon the air. When we consider the readiness of the Lord to hear, and His ability to aid, we shall see good reason for directing all our appeals at once to the God of our salvation. It will be in vain to call to the rocks in the day of judgment, but our Rock attends to our cries. "Be not silent to me."

Mere formalists may be content without answers to their prayers, but genuine suppliants cannot; they are not satisfied with the results of prayer itself in calming the mind and subduing the will-they must go further, and obtain actual replies from heaven, or they cannot rest; and those replies they long to receive at once, they dread even a little of God's silence. God's voice is often so terrible that it shakes the wilderness; but His silence is equally full of awe to an eager suppliant.

When God seems to close His ear, we must not therefore close our mouths, but rather cry with more earnestness; for when our note grows shrill with eagerness and grief, He will not long deny us a hearing. What a dreadful case should we be in if the Lord should become for ever silent to our prayers? "Lest, if Thou be silent to me, I become like them that go down into the pit." Deprived of the God who answers prayer, we should be in a more pitiable plight than the dead in the grave, and should soon sink to the same level as the lost in hell. We must have answers to prayer: ours is an urgent case of dire necessity; surely the Lord will speak peace to our agitated minds , for He never can find it in His heart to permit His own elect to perish. fr: 'Morning & Evening' by Charles Spurgeon

Dear Heavenly Father,
I was feeling so excited about the stirrings of my soul about prayer until the one subject matter I find a no answer or an anwer of silence. I know we must pray as to Your Will and Design.

My prayer has changed and maybe has been a bit silent on that one subject matter. I can't go on asking for something for this. It hurts tooooo much. I am not sure I can live in delight and joy if I am always boohooing on and on over this matter. And yet as I read this, I am set to wondering...

My hope and faith rests in Your Voice to speak peace to my agitated mind and heart. I pray for this peace and I thank You, my Rock.
~ always your wondering girlchild

Swindoll : reroute

eyes ...

Here are a few tidbits for you to nibble on from the Idiot's guide to Body Language. Very interesting! But the one thing about body reading, you cannot be conscious about it. Your intuiative part of your being best reads and feeds your gut instinct!

* You cannot not communicate.
Ah, see even if you aren't present you are communicating no-worth.
'If you aren't saying hello, you're saying good-bye.' ~k

*Listening requires looking.
No wonder I feel frustrated when I wax on about something sooo important and I catch their eyes wonder to the tv or some other commotion!

*Eye contact is an invitation for communication.
This is a keeper. Turning from a shy person into a bubbly shy and my eyes being my greatest asset, bright eyes looking intently is rewarded with a smile back. I like that. brilliant...

*Eye contact and eye aversion regulates the conversation.
Whoa! Get this --> If you do not want some one to interupt your speech (and you may need to take a breath), just look away! I am a person who isn't a gab-hog, so this is a juicy tidbit! Now if you would like to pass the conversation back, you make eye contact. Pretty simple!

*Eye contact establishes warmth, intimacy, and friendship.
Yup, I agree. However, I remember an eye contact I made where my eyes were steel. I was being wounded and all I could do was pin them with my eyes ... no speech could come. Didn't matter anyway. My eyes said it all. So a real smile makes perfect bright eyes.

*Pupil dilation makes you more attractive to others.
So is that why dark brown eyes to almost black eyes feeeeeeel so warm and inviting? and why blue eyes and other light colored eyes seem so cool or scary?

*Eye movement means mental activity.
Oops, I should have checked this one out more. I don't think my eyes move when I am daydreaming or zoning out. Or maybe that isn't thinking? Wait, do you find it hard to think and see if your eyes are moving? impossible!

*Dogs are the ONLY animals who can READ FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, which explains our close connection with them.
I believe that, but I think I am going to be checking to see if my puppinators can. They are sometimes self absorbed in their need for attention or cookies, I wonder if they are paying attention to my face expressions.

*In communication the US tends to put more importance on talk where Japan puts more on body language.
Hmmmm, interesting.... Ok Americans, time to listen more, watch more. Only 7% of communication is verbal. The rest (93%) is non verbal.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Wow, I can't wait to go discover some people listening. I thought I would add some 'people reading' things to watch for when you are out and about this fine 4th holiday.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
* ' withs ' = pairs, trios, etc

* ' frames ' = people together as a closed unit

* ' leads ' = boss, host, etc

* ' leakage ' = exposing inner feelings

* ' terminal marker ' = behaviors indicating its's time to go

* ' insider ' = one who knosw most of the people gathered

Share if you have some personal people reads that you have created ... or create your own ...