gone?

She went back over her treasured emails from him in search of January 2002. She is taking stock of her connection with him to see how far they travelled and to see where they were back then. To her surprise {which she shouldn't have been since it was a pretty common occurance for his disappearances} there is a 9 month gap from Oct 16, 2001 to July 11, 2002! Sure he had a lot going on ... bringing his kids home...

Why was there sadness that she didn't know this man sooner? Why did she even bother to make steps to keep connected to him? Why did she feel compelled to get to know him and to bare witness to his dreams and to cheer him on? Why did she feel in her soul that there was much more here then a casual earthly connection? Why did she feel she needed to survive him? Why did she feel the desire to be in his presence? Why did she feel the need to prove that she was trustworthy and a Redeemed Eve? Why does she feel so haunted? What is up with not saying good bye?

{NO, please don't say good bye! Please get your act together! Please look into my eyes! Let it go! Come back here and face me like a man! You know in the deepest part of your soul that I will respect and honor your journey and your warriorship! Don't go with your mind here ... come to me with your heart and soul bare! Feel safe! I have continiously given you over to God. Yes, every day if not every moment because I just can't let it go... I am waiting on the Lord. I am trying every day to be of Good Courage... my heart is weak ... but He will strenthen my heart ... just like He will do for you!}