precious gift ...

(note: I don't know if I really should share something so private so publicly. I sent this twice in the past two weeks. No response. I am sharing this so fragile in your open hands....)

Dearest ~N~,

f   a   c   t   s
The water heater was old and you are in need of a new one.  After the new one was installed, you realized you are in need of a new shower head as the old one was so calcified that it would not move and now the water pressure is wimpy.  You buy a new shower head with 5 pressure settings.  A real treat.

f   e   e   l   i   n   g
The shampoo is a better grade than the old stuff you were using.  It leaves your hair with a shine and smoothness of butterfly wings.  You turn the shower head to massage.  The hard pressure feels good on your head as you feel the shampoo rinse out.  You become mesmerized.  Then you allow the your spine in on the water massage.

You reluctantly shut off the water and towel off with biggest and fluffiest blue towel you have.  The rough shag of cotton from your bathrobe envelopes your clean skin with a whiff of citrus.  You smile as you pad your way to the kitchen in your bare feet.

Set before you is a feast for your eyes as well as your tiggr tummy.  Sitting down and grabbing your fork and knife, you close your eyes and lean in for a big sniff.  Pleasure bursts upon your face.  Opening your eyes you attack your juicy steak and take your first bite.  Perfect and just the way you like it.  Lying next to the steak is steamed bright colored veggies and white rice.  A great combination of flavors.  In a bubble blue margarita glass is crushed ice, freshly squeezed mango juice, and sparkling water.  A very light refreshing taste.  To finish the perfect meal you have to have the perfect dessert.  Lemon meringue.  A simple fluff sure to melt ever so softly on your tongue.  You leave table with a very happy tummy not too heavy and not too light.

You grab your company’s hand and head for your couch.  You let yourself purr like good ol tiggr as fingers find their way through your scalp.  Her words are tentative and soft as they begin to massage your soul.

t   a   s   t   e
“I was in the christian bookstore looking for a special book I wanted to own when I stumble across a name book.  Yes, I would think if you own a name book why would you need to open up another, but I had to make sure they included my favorite names and that they kept them the same.  A contented sigh escaped me as I found your name right where it belonged.  Yes, I know it means the ‘Birthday of the Lord’ and ‘Christmas’ but there was an additional meaning, 'Precious Gift’.  My face beamed.  Ahh, how appreciate!  Jesus is the most Precious Gift and what an honor to be named ~N~.

Remember when we met?  Yes, a bit unusual but that is what made it for me.  A chat room of all places.  After the conversation, I was hungry for more.  Was it Mel Gibson and ‘The Patriot’?  No, rather it was the way you talked that I knew  the next night I would have to ask if you were a believer.  I remember vividly giving God a huge thank You as I crawled into bed after signing off.  I thought of you as a gift, precious and just right.

In 2004 I sent you a birthday gift.  You wrote in great detail your opening of the gift so well that I was there with you.  I saw you on the park bench near the post office greedily opening the package.  Pulling out the painting on the circle tile, your hand felt the paint.  I kept that e-mail along with all the others, but this one is held close to my heart.  Why?  because in all the descriptive words you used about this gift, was and is exactly how I feel about you.

You are a Precious Gift to me.  I was hungry and thirsty for what we had.  I don’t have enough of you.  I crave more memories even though the ones I do have are cherished.  They are like old love letters creased and worn.  Ahh, the ‘house’ ... probably one of my favorite conversations.... but then there was the ‘~n~nip’ ... liked that one.  You had called after you couldn’t sleep....  It is so easy for me to slip away into my memories...  I am one gingerly and greedily unwrapping you and ravenous for each conversation and for each hearty laughter of yours.  I care not how I must look to others!

~N~, I so strongly believe in the power of our names.  God knew your name before your parents even got together.  He was the One who designed and named you.  He has a very uncanny way of connecting that name to your life journey.  Look back over your life.  Did you not crave to be touched?  Aren’t gifts to be handled?  Don’t you wish for someone to unwrap you and love your insides?  Hasn’t this been your struggle and journey all these years?

Because you are a Precious Gift, there is a flip side.  Gifts are offered and can’t be taken back or they are no gift at all.  This tires you as you feel spent and used.  Isn’t it because you aren’t used to being accepted as you are?  Don’t you wish to be selfish and stop all the demand of giving?  Don’t you feel the crush of all the need and simply wish to be?  All apart of this unique journey of yours.  It is a balance you are figuring out as you go.

Mr ~N~, you are a Precious Gift not only greatly love by the Almighty but those around you like your children and me.  Not only are you filled to the brim with all good things manly, strong, and a bit of gooey goodness, you are enough when you are simply present.  Much like an M&M simply melting away in my mouth as I get lost in the taste.

I am filled with anticipation to see what your future unwraps for you.  The best is yet to come and I want to be present in your future.  Good Gifts are God’s specialty.  You proved it.  I am committed to unwrapping and simply enjoying you, a Precious Gift not for a day but for eternity.  I am committed to cover you in prayer daily.  I am committed to focused attention for you life is valuable.  I am committed to touching you.”

~ always treasured and greatly valued
keeper©

covenant blessings : for RS

reroute!

When the Sovereign God brings us to nothing, it is to reroute our lives, not to end them. Human perspective says, ''Aha, you've lost this, you've lost that. You've cause this, you've cause that. You've ruined this, you've ruined that. But God says, ''No. No. It's time to reroute your life. Now's the time to start anew!''
fr: 'Beside Blessings' by Charles Swindoll

The steps of a man
is established by the Lord.
& He delights in his way.
~Ps37:23

Dearest Sovereign God,
It is most difficult to let go especially when I so felt You in this relationship I am losing. I know more of lost & not having more than what I wish for. In my feeble understanding, it doesn't feeling like rerouting or someing new, rather feels like the same 'ol.

I will not give up on the precious gift of Joy and Love You have given me. I will immerse myself in language, paint, and anything creative. I will practise my love and become fluent in all five languages. I am refocusing again on Trusting You and doing good. I am continuing to dwell in You and feed on Your Faithfulness. I will delight in You and through it all my heart is Your Hands.

Thank You for not leaving me. Thank You for walking with me. Thank You for taking my little hand in Your Almight Hand.
~your scared little girl

Spurgeon : All in all

thoughts on communication ...

*Ever notice how people do not listen? I am a receptionest by day and I find it totally amazing when I have people chatter away and then say 'hello?' because they have never had someone be quiet listening to them.

*Communication begins with respect. You will never get anywhere with demands or plain rudeness. You must always keep your tone of voice in check.

*Quiet attentiveness is a must with listening
Attention must be vocal whether you are speak or are just plain present.
Neglect and withholding your presence is abuse.

Communication within the family is like the body's circulatory system. When we stop listening to each other, it's as though the family suffers a stroke. We become disabled. Certain members no longer respond to other members.
- fr: "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary & Norma Smalley

to care or not to care ...

It was plain to her ears. Was it audible or just a whisper? No matter, it was clear and amazing how the heart took to it. ' If you don't care, it won't hurt so much. ' See, there is was again.

All that hard work making chocolate chip cookies warm and gooy. The smell was so intoxicating. She wrapped them up in a new tin ready to make a delivery. Wrapping her coat around her and sliding on her mittens she was ready to make her walk in the frosty cool day to her good friend's home.

She knocked on the door and was greeted with a hello, come in. Handing over her treasured baked goodies, her friend just slid them on the table with out a thank you or remark. How weird was that? No, how rude and painful! She felt as slighted as if her friend had taken a bite to the cookie just to have spit out in distaste.

Yeah, better not to care so much in her pursuit of creativity and giving or is that giving into the lack of enjoying the small things of life?

the All in all ...

Heb 12:2 Looking unto Jesus.

It is ever the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan's work is just the opposite of this, for he is constantly trying to make us regard ourselves instead of Christ. He insinuates, "Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you have not the joy of His children; you have such a wavering hold of Jesus." All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: He tells us that we are nothing, but that "Christ is all in all."

Remember, therefore, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee - it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that saves thee - it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that be the instrument - it is Christ's blood and merits; therefore, look not so much to thy hand with which thou art grasping Christ, as to Christ; look not to thy hope, but to Jesus, the source of thy hope; look not to thy faith, but to Jesus, the author and finisher of thy faith. We shall never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul.

If we would at once overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by "looking unto Jesus." Keep thine eye simply on Him; let His death, His sufferings, His merits, His glories, His intercession, be fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look to Him; when thou liest down at night look to Him. Oh! let not thy hopes or fears come between thee and Jesus; follow hard after Him, and He will never fail thee. Mornings & Evenings by Charles Spurgeon

"My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus's blood and righteousness:
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly lean on Jesus's name."

Spurgeon: garden place made for one

loftiest heights ...

Have you been hearing about the dead zone on Mt Everest where there are dead bodies littering the way? It is said they leave them there because to carry them down would mean to risk your own survival. Hmmm, interesting ... My thoughts can't help but go to our marines motto 'to leave no man behind ....

The story doesn't end there. A group of climbers went up. A blind climber dies and they leave his body. On the way down an another climber, an Australian, is left for dead. They knew he was dead because they poked his eye and no reaction. They even relayed his death to his wife and sons. Another climber on his way up saw that the Australian was disorientated and very much alive. The reporters have pressed and pressed this guy why he would save this climber and forsake his climb to the top. I'm sorry but here on the ground where I have plenty of good oxygen, seems such a silly question. It is the climbers that have forsaken the near dying that need to be strung up.

We attain our loftiest heights
when we reach down
to lift another.

to perservere?

Feeling like I am falling apart, I wish for still waters. James 1 keeps coming back nudging me to ask for Wisdom and stop doubting Him or my growth. I do want to be angry and in the same breath I don't want this rage. I must not forget all that I have learned. I must go back to my favorite verse.
Trust in the Lord & do good.
Dwell in the Lord & feed on His Faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord
&
He will take care of your heart.
~Ps 37:3&4
... look full in His Wonderful Face & things of earth with fade away ...

where did all the friends go?

AMERICANS' CIRCLE OF CLOSE FRIENDS SHRINKING
Americans are more socially isolated than they were 20 years ago, separated by work, commuting and the single life, researchers reported on Friday. fr: cnn's quick news

heavenly lights ...

Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the Heavenly Lights,
Who does not change like shifting shadows.
~james 1:17
This verse has been on my mind a lot lately. See I met this guy 5 summers ago. I remember clearly going to bed that night with thanksgiving on my lips to my Heavenly Father for such a wonderful gift in this man. I have collected so many rich memories of him, but he slipped away like a shifting shadow.

I am quite in the Dark about all this. I had figured it my duty to continue my steadfastness in this now one sided relationship. I thought I needed to remain so that he could believe that love is real and that he is allowed to feel real love for himself. I felt that I have had the better childhood. I was the stronger one. Now my strength is spent. I do not believe that I was doing all this on my own. I felt His movement in every connection I made. Now I am just totally dumbfounded.

When he was leaving, I leaned heavy on the Rock of Ages. Huge blessing to know that He does not shift. Now I feel humanly abused and Spiritually bruised.

Oh dear, I said I was going to take a vow of silence on this.... maybe I need to not speak but still need to heal blogstyle by stitching in the gapping seams....

to learn Navajo ...

I love my brain and I would love to keep it in top shape. I heard that the approaching 40 is a time of middle age memory loss or forgetfulness. Yikes! Keeping the brain nimble through learning a language is to safeguard it.

I love words and learning a language has always had an appeal to it. I learned Spanish in school though not at all fluent. I love hearing a certain latin singer sing his love songs; makes my heart weak =). I have taught sign langauge to myself somewhat thought out my life and need to get back to it. Learning and collecting languages makes the understanding of your first language much richer and deeper.

Why Navajo?
First, because I have a great friend from my college days who is Navajo. I have caught her saying a Navajo name with me and it is time to discover her language. Second, American English has millions upon millions of words. If I don't like one word ( happens a lot ) , all I have to do is look up another more suited in that wonderful Thesaurus. However with Navajo, the words are more lean with incompassing depth. Quite different than most languages.

my new plan?
I have a list of verses that I keep close to protect my journey. I want to learn these verses in Sign, Spanish, and Navajo. What better way to keep my mind on Thee?

'second hand stress' (label)

I believe it!!!!!! I was browsing through a mag at mom's and read this article about second hand stress. I was shocked there was a word for it. One thing about labels that I love is that it enables you to name it and deal with it.

Over the years God has been creating me into 'a sensitive'. I do have to be very aware of how bad words effect me but it goes beyond this. It is about being empathic and compassionate when someone else is going through a hardship. When you do, you take up their stress as your own whether you are walking on eggshells or feeling the overload of the burden.

I noticed this whenever 'PreciousGift' began stressing over his job or church or his kids, I began to exprience a lot of angst within my heart and soul. Often I had more hope than he but when he pulls away and shuts me out, I have stress overload. I am iratic, forgetful, and mistake prone. grrr Then you hear me mutter about how my reaction to him needs to be soft.... What an endless cycle!

Stress is what makes you old not only on your outer skin but you begin to toughen up your relationship skin. You aren't soft and supple anymore. This is dangereous.

The cure?
Get away and do something you love! Perfect! I am doing exactly what I should be doing. I am painting. I love the feelings that pop and burst inside. ( i have a piggie bank in the oven dressed in pink flowers ready for the baby shower on wed ... feeling piggly wiggly! )

This is a keeper .. no stressin and no second hand stressin either!

word slueth : meditation

lovemaking ...

Tired of the doing without, I made a life decision to 'Create Passion' in '04. Well, I am back at it. While I practice my writing craft, I find lovemaking in paint strokes I make on glass.

Music fills the air as the glass and I connect. Paints of different colors join up making leaves and flowers sometimes a landscape or maybe just a print of some sort. White brushes stained in the colors of choice spill out making something brighter out of ordinary. Excitement fills my very bones as I perfect a stroke that once eluded me. I marvel at the finished piece drying on the stove waiting to be baked. Colors so shiny dress the glass in party attire.

Sure I get embrassed and I know all the 'mistakes' and happy accidents .. but needing words of affirmations to fill up on love, I love the reviews I get especially the really gooooooood ones.

I just finished a blue unique wine bottle for a request. It will be a birthday gift. It has my version of sweet peas and my favorite fruit, blueberries. I love blue and the colors just pop so nicely on it. It is wearly a bow on its long sleek naked neck. It makes me glow inside and changes the dark clouds into my beautiful sunny monster smile.

broken gift ...

She cried herself to sleep two nights ago. Always happens towards bedtime when talking to God. Her thoughts that have not stoped during the day, rest upon 'PreciousGift'. Tears, frustration, sadness, and anger swirl around her very soul, pitching her down a deep well.

Hot tears boil down her puffy cheeks. Why can't she move on? Why must she torment herself with the memories? She has untied the knots only to find them knotted again. She has made desicions to pack away all the joyous memories way back in the dark corner of the attic only to wake up the next morning tripping on the unwrapped box on the way to fresh brekkie.

Leaning on God and waiting for His moment, she discovered a perfect way to write out a one of a kind blessing using his name and incorporating his favorite things and his favorite ways of touching. She felt so right about it that the time slipped away and before she knew it, bedtime came and went.

She knows it is laying there in his email. She knows he is around; he made a lousy small peep. It is like a slap in the face not only from a human but from the Almighty God Himself. She gets it . She knows that a man is definately not on her needs list as the Heavenly Father has so painfully has not provided. If you lean in and listen, you can hear her mutter to herself about His Providing for all her needs and that all good gifts come from Him. She is consoling a beaten down and puffy broken heart.

She is having a moment. She knows He loves her more deeply than another. She knows He cries with her tears. She knows the Everlasting Arms cradle her close to His Chest. It justs hurts so much. She has been working so hard on love in action and she feels like such a failure. Her favorite quality? Tenacious! She refuses to be anything but resiliant...

. . . . . . . . . . M O R E . . . not l e s s . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

after the rain waves ...

This evening I watched the rains all green and gray pound the drops into the earth and pelt any poor soul out and about. The trees were dancing to a wicked beat while the clouds rather lifeless rolled over head. The wind was eerie and trying to sneak under or around the window. Luckly no hail was added into the mix.

As the rains ran east, things got back to normal. A couple hours later you felt like everything around was set to a rosy golden glow. Looking up into the western sky, the silver lining was visible to the naked eye and it was ablush.

Wow, You are the Master of the Storm!
How Your Glory sets the heavens on fire! There is always those moments when the driving rain blocks my view. I panic. I wonder what happen to You, but it fades away as I stand in awe of Your beauty. How brilliant are Your Works.
~ always seeking refuge from the storm

moment captured : cherry picking & lightening bugs

Happy 1st Birthday, llj!!!

I cannot believe it has been a year since I created lovelifejoy! It begin because 'PreciousGift' wanted to create a blog yet he had his doubts. Somewhere in May I totally losted him, so I began one for us but mostly for me then totally for me. This blog has been a precious gift in its own right.

I needed an outlet to release my pent up words. My fingers work the best with my brain at a keyboard. Here I have grown closer to God and have a quiet peace to still my ache to be heard. I have my favorite pieces where I think I really nailed it. I have discovered new ways to process my thinking. I love capturing moments in time. It is like capturing a lighting bug in a jar for a fleeting moment to play out everytime I visit that moment again.

I have a looooooong way to go. I so want my passions to be my profession some day soon. So as I press on, I will continue to breathe in and exhale... perfecting my craft ...

¡ ¡ ¡ hip hip hooray for love, life, & joy ! ! !

the Lake House ...

WoooooHooooo! An excellent movie. I rate it 12+. It is a well put together romantic chickflick put to the test of time. This movie is written for me. I have been living this for five years now. I am Alex .. waiting, proving ...

comments :
''I don't get it.''

I will have to let my mom answer that for you! I asked her if she knew about was going to happen in the movie to make sure she was prepared. 'Of course, it was on all the talk shows and even the commercials prepared you.' Good girl!!! She got it and loved it.

She had one question though... How did Kate get the dog? You get it that the dog is a stray that adopted Alex and the Lake House but they never showed how this same dog came to be with Kate. That is the brilliant part of this move. The movie isn't over when the credits run. You are still processing the movie long after you leave the theater. As you mull over the movie, you begin to fill in how Kate got her dog. I can't tell you but I can tell you to pay attention to the ending. See this movie allows the viewer to be intelligent.

Before you go you have to realize that Alex is living in 2004 and Kate is living in 2006. Need techinical terms? They are living in parallel times with the mailbox being their portal to each other. Really it is taking you on a journey of what can happen if you found the right one but just can't seem to get the timing right. It asks you what would you do for love? Can you wait? Will you be there? What happens when the timeline messes up and connections fail? Can you believe this can happen in your own life or maybe to that blogger you read?

books ?
I should have been paying more attention to the words at the beginning of the movie. I think it was adapted from a book, but it wasn't titled Lake House. So I will be searching for it. Did anyone catch it?

Within the movie they talk about a book called Pursuation by Jane Austen. It too talks about timing and love. So that will be my next search this Thursday when I go to the library. I can't wait to read it.

final thought :
Mom thought it was too short. She wanted to go see it again. It was at least a good hour and a half. It must be because it was tightly knitted together. I too want to see it again and again! It is a must for my movie library.

movie review: the break up

40 years! Hip Hip Hooray ...

My parents have been married for 40 years!!! Every year they commit to each other has piled on the richest gift ever they could give me!!!

I love you two, bunches
~ love always
the richest daughter in town!!!

garden place made for one ...

I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse.
Song of Solomon 5:1

The heart of the believer is Christ's garden. He bought it with His precious blood, and He enters it and claims it as His own. A garden implies separation. It is not the open common; it is not a wilderness; it is walled around, or hedged in. Would that we could see the wall of separation between the church and the world made broader and stronger. It makes one sad to hear Christians saying, "Well, there is no harm in this; there is no harm in that," thus getting as near to the world as possible. Grace is at a low ebb in that soul which can even raise the question of how far it may go in worldly conformity.

A garden is a place of beauty, it far surpasses the wild uncultivated lands. The genuine Christian must seek to be more excellent in his life than the best moralist, because Christ's garden ought to produce the best flowers in all the world. Even the best is poor compared with Christ's deservings; let us not put Him off with withering and dwarf plants. The rarest, richest, choicest lilies and roses ought to bloom in the place which Jesus calls His own.

The garden is a place of growth. The saints are not to remain undeveloped, always mere buds and blossoms. We should grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Growth should be rapid where Jesus is the Husbandman, and the Holy Spirit the dew from above.

A garden is a place of retirement. So the Lord Jesus Christ would have us reserve our souls as a place in which He can manifest Himself, as He doth not unto the world. O that Christians were more retired, that they kept their hearts more closely shut up for Christ! We often worry and trouble ourselves, like Martha, with much serving, so that we have not the room for Christ that Mary had, and do not sit at His feet as we should. The Lord grant the sweet showers of His grace to water His garden this day. ~Charles Spurgeon

Dearest Husbandman,
Just the other night I cried out to You. I was going on about how marriage is the recreation of the first Garden You created. Oh to be the couple who strive to commune with You in the cool of the evening unafraid of our nakedness. Oh to be the couple unafraid to learn from You and to be taught by You. Oh to be a couple beautiful, willing to grow, and a safe place of retirement!

Tears where because marriage is a distant remote island floating off the horizon. Oh, how You delight to prove me wrong and I am so delighted to be wrong. I can be a garden of beauty in all my aloneness. Yes, You want marriage to be a new garden but it isn't only for couples! You want me. You desire me to be a beautiful garden in full bloom, willing for growth, and a safe place! Thank You for thinking so highly of a single little girl who desires to love more fully. Thank You for Loving me like no other and thank you for taking my rather small love but it is all of my love =)
~ always your little garden

Spurgeon : developing thy graces

territory & husbandman ...

from an IM conversation :
"I believe a woman is a territory," he offered into the discussion of the differences between men and women.

"I see that. I believe a man is a husbandman," she quipped.

The conversation moved on never fleshing out totally.

some thoughts :
It is not good for man to be alone. God made Adam a helper suitable for him. (Gen 2:18)

Hebrew word for helper means completer
-completes him emotionally
-completes him socially
-completes him with family
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You will eat the fruit of your labor, blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be a fruitful vine within your house; (Ps 2-3)

Greek word for nurturer means husbandman
-tiller of the soil, a professional gardener
-helps things grow
-provides a greenhouse atmosphere where plants are shielded and protected

For the garden called woman, man the husbandman provides:
-deep seated security
-meaningful conversation
-emotional romantic times
- positive physical touching

Dear Heavenly Husbandman,
I would love to continue with conversation with him but I can't. However, with You I can dive right in and go for the deep stuff. For Your Word makes clear how valuable man is to woman and woman is to man.

I would rather think woman as a garden than territory, but both words are right on. I think he thought it would be offensive to me for him to describe woman as a territory. Rather I got it and believe it so true. I want to provide fruit like grapes ripen and made into vintage wine. Being neglected and alone, I understand my deepest need to bare fruit of blessing and prosperity for my husband.

Today I will be content to be fruitful for my God. He nurtures, loves, and protects me. I will remain content with His Touch.
~ always His garden

cherry picking & lighting bugs ...

Whooooo Wheeee! A blazing hot day it was! No matter how hot you gotta pick cherries now or the birdies will get there share and leave you with none. The frost must have gotten the cherry tree as the only place the cherries hung in their red red dress was the lowest branches. A very nice thing as being a 5'3ish there no need for a ladder this time. I hope I got a bit of sun blush for all my efforts. Sweat was rolling off me like buckets and I wasn't dressed in my oldest finery!

After spending family time for Father's day, this tired and weather beaten girl drove home to the light of the lighting bugs!!! First time this year for their showing!

Good things about summer? cherries and lighting bugs!!!

moment captured : liquid gold

when your gut says no ...

We all know when our gut screams no, you can' do that or you must not do that. Those times are marked by danger ahead whether it is physical or spiritual. We all know the outcome to those times when you do what you shouldn't. A lot of unrest and pain ...

But how about those times when your gut speaks a softer no and when you add up the outcome, it isn't a really life or death matter? I like to refer to those moments as times when things just don't match up. ie: You have an event to attend with a friend, but the communication is off, there are missed connections, the wrong info begins to pile up or for some reason your heart isn't in it and it isn't marching in time to the beat.

These times are when your gut is saying a soft no just not the right time. Nothing catastrophic will happen just not peaceful about it. Note of warning: you must be truthful to yourself. Did you play with the circumstances to have your own way because you really didn't want to do this? Where the issues out of your control?

If you can honestly say, I did my best to follow through but I am not peaceful about this inside or outside and I am just stressing when there in no need to, then I must bow out at this time. My gut is saying not at this time...

Tuesdays with Corey ...

My little bro has found a way to reach out with love to Robin and Martin as well to Rusty and Corey through 'Acts of Service' topped with 'Quality Time'. As I have prayed in my car rides to work and back I have upheld this family in my KingdomMail. But as I pray for Corey, tears well up. Why can't my interceedings for Corey be like my others for the family?

Corey has a rare disease where sugar eats his brain. This was so rare it took a while to figure it out. Corey is living longer than most like him. What I do know after working with severe needs kids is that in them is a simplicity we all long for. We rush too much so when you take time to be in the presence of God's special people every thing unimportant fades...

G r e e t i n g s ,

I went and spent the day with Corey and Robin (mom) today (tues, jun 13).  I will be taking care/watching Corey on Tuesdays and every other Friday as of now.  By the end of our time today Corey was beinging to warm up to me.  I think everything will go okay. The hardest part is going to be bathroom time, as he will need to trust me to help him, and him wanting to eat all of the time and I have to be careful with the amount of food I feed him. Robin will have everything ready for me concering what he is to eat and the amount, he just constantly is asking for a snack or saying "are you hugary?"  I think we are going to have a great time together.  We can watch Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street, draw, play cars, work on small puzzles, swing, ride in the "cruiser" (wheel chair), there is a modified bike where I would ride and pedal and he sits in a seat behind the bike, he loves on go onrides in the car....

I was talking with Robin about how I should create a buisness where I would help families that are in similar situations or help families who do not know what to do, but want to keep their disabled child at home.  Robin has modified their home so that Corey can be safe there and they can live without being in fear that he could get into something and really hurt himself.  The frig is locked, cabinets are locked, bedroom doors are locked as well as doors to the outside, Robin wears keys around her neck as well as her husband when he is home, they have gates built into their kitchen that keeps him to one side so that he is not hear the stove or appliances....

I like having someone to take care of.  Corey is doing really well right now, gaining weight back.  Today he said his full name and was able to spell it out loud and he was able to count up to at
least 12.  He worked on a puzzle and was able to fit some pieces without help.  It will be fun working on these things with him too!!!!

~Jo

update on Rusty & his family

sweet peas & blueberries ...

Dearest Creator,
Thank You for my glass paint. I love what I painted today. I am so excited because I created sweet peas dressed in white and purple on stems and leaves of green. It was a try of a new flower and it turned out well. I am using the color scheme of my mom's kitchen and dining room so I added blueberries (my favorite!). I loved it and I loved the happy feeling I have whenever I paint.

You must have felt such delight as You created flowers and fruit especially as gifts to man You created in Your likeness. Your great design wasn't only to feed the body but to feed the soul. Brilliant! Thank You for loving me sooooo much. Thank You so much for sweet peas and blueberries!
~always your delighted child

'Ragged Old Flag

I walked through a county courthouse square,
On a park bench an old man was sitting there.
I said, "Your old courthouse is kinda run down."
He said, "Naw, it'll do for our little town."
I said, "Your flagpole has leaned a little bit,
And that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it.

He said, "Have a seat", and I sat down.
"Is this the first time you've been to our little town?"
I said, "I think it is." He said, "I don't like to brag,
But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag."

"You see, we got a little hole in that flag there
When Washington took it across the Delaware.
And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key
Sat watching it writing _Oh Say Can You See_.
And it got a bad rip in New Orleans
With Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seams."

"And it almost fell at the Alamo
Beside the Texas flag, but she waved on through.
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville
And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill.
There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg,
And the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag."

"On Flanders Field in World War I
She got a big hole from a Bertha gun.
She turned blood red in World War II
She hung limp and low by the time it was through.
She was in Korea and Vietnam.
She went where she was sent by her Uncle Sam."

"She waved from our ships upon the briny foam,
And now they've about quit waving her back here at home.
In her own good land she's been abused --
She's been burned, dishonored, denied and refused."

"And the government for which she stands
Is scandalized throughout the land.
And she's getting threadbare and wearing thin,
But she's in good shape for the shape she's in.
'Cause she's been through the fire before
And I believe she can take a whole lot more."

"So we raise her up every morning,
Take her down every night.
We don't let her touch the ground
And we fold her up right.
On second thought I DO like to brag,
'Cause I'm mighty proud of that Ragged Old Flag."

~Written by Johnny Cash

Possibly the only poem ever written by Johnny Cash that was not intended to be sung. He has performed this a number of times at the "Pops Goes the Fourth" concerts in Boston on the 4th of July. His book *Man In Black* reveals the inspiration behind it.

'I am the Flag'

by Ruth Apperson Rous

I am the flag of the United States of America.

I was born on June 14, 1777, in Philadelphia.

There the Continental Congress adopted my stars and stripes as the national flag.

My thirteen stripes alternating red and white, with a union of thirteen white stars in a field of blue, represented a new constellation, a new nation dedicated to the personal and religious liberty of mankind.

Today fifty stars signal from my union, one for each of the fifty sovereign states in the greatest constitutional republic the world has ever known.

My colors symbolize the patriotic ideals and spiritual qualities of the citizens of my country.

My red stripes proclaim the fearless courage and integrity of American men and boys and the self-sacrifice and devotion of American mothers and daughters.

My white stripes stand for liberty and equality for all.

My blue is the blue of heaven, loyalty, and faith.

I represent these eternal principles: liberty, justice, and humanity.

I embody American freedom: freedom of speech, religion, assembly, the press, and the sanctity of the home.

I typify that indomitable spirit of determination brought to my land by Christopher Columbus and by all my forefathers - the Pilgrims, Puritans, settlers at James town and Plymouth.

I am as old as my nation.

I am a living symbol of my nation's law: the Constitution of the United States and the Bill of Rights.

I voice Abraham Lincoln's philosophy: "A government of the people, by the people,for the people."

I stand guard over my nation's schools, the seedbed of good citizenship and true patriotism.

I am displayed in every schoolroom throughout my nation; every schoolyard has a flag pole for my display.

Daily thousands upon thousands of boys and girls pledge their allegiance to me and my country.

I have my own law—Public Law 829, "The Flag Code" - which definitely states my correct use and display for all occasions and situations.

I have my special day, Flag Day. June 14 is set aside to honor my birth.

Americans, I am the sacred emblem of your country. I symbolize your birthright, your heritage of liberty purchased with blood and sorrow.

I am your title deed of freedom, which is yours to enjoy and hold in trust for posterity.

If you fail to keep this sacred trust inviolate, if I am nullified and destroyed, you and your children will become slaves to dictators and despots.

Eternal vigilance is your price of freedom.

As you see me silhouetted against the peaceful skies of my country, remind yourself that I am the flag of your country, that I stand for what you are - no more, no less.

Guard me well, lest your freedom perish from the earth.

Dedicate your lives to those principles for which I stand: "One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

I was created in freedom. I made my first appearance in a battle for human liberty.

God grant that I may spend eternity in my "land of the free and the home of the brave" and that I shall ever be known as "Old Glory," the flag of the United States of America.

USFlag.org

sparkling key lime...

In my favorite bubble blue margarita I lay out freshly crushed ice. Using my retro hand lemon juicer, I squeezed out juice of one key lime and pour over the ice. Filling the rest of the glass with sparkling water, who needs pop on a hot day. This is more refreshing.

mad chow: pushing up dirt

the Gift of Honor ...

Honor (greek meaning) ~ heavy, weighty
dishonor (greek meaning) ~ mist, steam

HONOR is a decision we make to place high value, worth, & importance on another person by viewing him/her as a priceless gift & granting him/her a position in our lives worthy of great respect; & LOVE involves that decision into action.

Dishonoring is trading in the permanent for the immediate!!!! =O
fr: the Gift of Honor by Gary Smalley & John Trent

"where your treasure is there your heart will be also''
matt 6:21

honor your parents ...
*increases own self-worth
*gives understanding of your own gender 'fit in'
*less physical stress
*light heart

I love my parents and feel that I am conscious of what I need to do to honor them. I am actively working on honoring them. My thoughts went to a loved one who shared with me his frustrations when it comes to his parents. I wondered how I myself would respond to his mother and his father if I had the chance. After some daythinking, I realized I need to work on honoring my grandma. I find it a bit challenging when my weight is an issue everytime I visit. My daythoughts went on to figure out how to honor her.

I strongly believe that one can keep a balance. Giving honor and yet not allowing the hurtful things they say harm me. It is a puzzle though. God is the Source of love and all my love comes from Him. So it can be done.

honor your trials ...

"Every trial comes gift-wrapped w/ a treasure ready to be found inside."

*keep a calm 1st response
*keep tabs on thinking & emotional process
*declare treasure victory
-->joy, sensitivity, humility, muturity, endurance drawing together, loving...

I know this first hand when I lost my job. I found myself on a new and exciting JOY journey. It was painful, but I would never trade it. It was like a seed busting up through the dirt. Now that my seedling has spouted, I welcome all my new journeys. The growing pains are still there, yet I am eager to learn more. You can't learn without trials.

Then I am confronted with a war story. One soldier uses his battle days and loss of life as inspiration and where the other soldier is plagued post-tramic-symdrome. How does one soldier go on unaffected and the other bogged down in his thoughts? Isn't this something to do with being able to honor your trials?

honor your bent & strengths ... your best you ... as well as in others!

I feel strongly about knowing yourself. You are going through life with yourself you better know what you stand for and who you are at your very core. I love knowing and discovering how I tick. I loved reading about personality and discovering mine. I loved reading about the love languages and discovering mine. I loved reading about the 7+ smarts and discovering mine. I did not stop there. I did my own discovering of the different parts of every human and how that relates to the relationships. I use all that I have learned about myself to stand firm in my strengths. I know my weak parts too. When I keep myself balanced and keep life simple, I am in my best place and I can give of the very best of me.

I am a quiet person ... ok shy ... and I very fine with that because as I age like fine wine, God is more and more my Confidence. My personality is more bubbly shy and others are feeling more and more comfortable around me. This is truly a God-Victory.

honor the balance of belonging ... (home)
*praise, appreciation, listening
*well-defined purpose for home
*feels shared burden for others
.. & independence ...
*weaning
*age appropriate choices
*goal making
*promote landmark ages & accomplishments

I live in both. For being a rather shy girl, I was never homesick at camp and even with college. I got along fine. I did have my moments when life got rough, but I stuck it out. I have lived a life that is rather alone for most. No wonder independence is apart of my fabric. I am a first born and a girl so I am keenly aware of home and family. Boy, do I like belonging =)

So here is my hangup... I struggle with journeying along with someone and they leave for whatever reason. I hold teamship as a top priority. It is a must. I die a bit inside when there are forks in my road that take my companionships.

Recently, there was a fork at work. I kept reminding myself to honor the belonging and her independence. It was sad to see her leave for another job, but I wanted to honor her journey. Never gets easier.

honor loving bounderies ...
*provides: love, security, discipline, protects, absolutes
*Q's: Who am I? Whom do I want to please?
What should I accomplish? How am I doing?
*know the dangers of inflated self
*keep your identity in Christ
*you have a name to live up to - protect that name

So what does your name have to do with loving boundaries? In a life of faith there are some basic loving boundaries set up by our Loving Father in His Love Letter to us. In His Words have you ever noticed all the 'his name shall be' and those names He changed? There is power in our names even unto this day. Within our names is our life journey that He created uniquely for us which include loving boundaries personal to us.

My love of names must have come from knowing how I got mine. My first name comes from my father and my midde name from my mother. Not many have my name and that is pretty ok with me. I like unique. My name means 'dark valley' and to most that might not be a good way to start a journey. My dark valley was the melancholy that touched me during my childhood years all the way through my twenties and early thirties. I was searching to mean something and just could not get it all together. 2003 dawned a turning point in my journey. God renamed me and only He and I know His pet name for me. In terms you can understand my name is 'from a deep dark valley blooms His joyful one'.

My journey is uniquely created for me. I know where my boundaries are. I know my personal tipping point or hot spots that I truly need to be on guard. I also have found security as I reach out through my shy. My shyness has been a real boundary protector. I know that I could have gotten into a lot of trouble without it. It also has taught me how to listen and how to be a 'sensitive'.

My parents named me but God knew my name before they even knew each other. He knew my course and He came through to build upon my name to let me know His attention to detail. What a brilliant God He is. I want to make Him proud.

honor tenderness, mercy, & lovingkindness ...

God give us freedom to choose patterns that lead to { promotes } life { love, joy, beauty }

Life, love, joy, and beauty are a privilege and we should choose to conduct ourselves in that matter. Instead hurt and anger rule the land. We let it seep in and before you know our hurt and anger has turned into slander and murder. We must fight for honor above all else. We must choose life. It blooms in tenderness, mercy, and lovingkindness.

honor God ...

The Lord is the Source of Honor, the One from whom it flows. He is the Power Source where we can love others.

Honoring God has been a journey. Looking back I didn't know I would love Him more now than before. I press forward excited to love Him more. He has done great and mighty wonders in my life. I am not alone. I am blooming. I have a God-Given Purpose for my life to live out. I know why I am here even when I get forgetful about this. That is when I get back in the Source and draw upon Him. I want to overflow with His Love.

tank'en on love: covenant blessing

update on Rusty and his family ...

Good Morning,
Lu asked that I send out an update concerning Rusty, the son of our close friends Robin and Martin.  Robin called last evening in good spirits, but very busy and spokevery quickly.  She spent the day yesterday trying to get things in order at home.  Robin shared that Rusty's surgery took about 6-7 hours.  The doctors went in through the front of the neck as it is less invasive, but ended up also having to go through the back of the neck as well.  Rusty is talking with Robin, but does not seem to be tracking very well.  He is in a lot of pain! Rusty has fluid in his lung and swallowing is difficult for him. A breathing specialist is coming in to help.  The process requires Rusty to sit up which is very difficult for him right now and it takes two people to assist him.  The doctor came in yesterday and put his hand on Rusty's knee then asked Rusty were his hand was on his body without looking.  Rusty responded that his hand was on his knee!  The doctor then removed his hand and did not place it anywhere else then asked Rusty where his hand was touching.  Rusty responded "I can't feel anything", the doctor said "that's good because I'm not touching you".  OUR GOD IS GREAT!  This does not mean that Rusty will walk again, but it is a very good sign.  Robin is feeling encouraged.  Lu and I are amazed at the strength of this woman! 

Things to continue praying for:
1. Continued healing
2. Robin is finding that Rusty was a little behind in bills
3. Robin's husband is putting their other son in the car and
driving to SB to the Hospital, then Robin gets in the car their with Corey (other son) and drives back home.  This makes big days for Corey.
4. That Corey will continue to have good health during the stressful time

Thank you for praying for our friends!  This is how Lu and I can help them right now!  The family is feeling your prayers!!!!!

Jo for the both of us-

I am finding in my prayer journey that updates are crucial to the health of our prayers and to our own prayer journey as well as being able to journey with fellow christians in their time of need. I find within myself a growing connection to fellow believers. We are in this together and it is something bigger than ourselves.

Prayer changes us not God. We are in His hands and He watches and cares for us with a love so grand. We are along for the ride. Sometimes life seems way out of control and in those moments we know most imtimately that our God is the Master of the storm.

the prayer request

a covenant blessing ...

1) meaningful touch
2) spoken word
3) expressing high value
4) picture a special future
5) commitment

Q's
1) Do I meaningfully touch?
2) Do I verbally speak words of blessing?
3) Am I attaching high value to the person I'm blessing?
4) Have I pictured a special future for their life?
5) Overall, what is my commitment level to fulfill my words of blessing?
fr: "The Blessing" by Gary Smalley & John Trent

This was like drinking after a dry hot day. It pains me to hear others poke fun or tease. I crave wholesome words ... words that inspire and empower. So when I read about blessings I was overjoyed. First, because I really didn't understand the 'blessed is he who' that you find in God's Word and last because it is so simple to give.

Giving a blessing is a special gift that is well thought out. Plan for special moments like birthdays, weddings, celebrations, and even for times of trials. Always use a word picture to express high value. After you plan it, go for it. Soon you will find that you are always conscious of your speech. Words of blessing will flow every day and not saved for just special times.

I am going to share my first conscious attempt in giving a blessing. It was for a 18 year old young man. I had to express this in writing due to the many miles between here and there. I cannot tell you what it meant to him but a blessing is two sided. So for me it is a marker and a reminder of my commitment. I will reread and recommitment this young man to prayer as he makes his journey.

Woooo Wheeeee, 18 years!!! Here in America it is a turning point where you step out into the world as a man ... for the lack of better words ... without training wheels of home! Exciting times maybe a bit scary but lots of possibilites ahead in your future. You like your name are fully warrior and never forget it. Always come back to that because it is your strength. Live fiercely and go for your dreams full tilt. Don't be afraid of the softness you feel in the deepest part of your soul. That is your creativity, your art, and your humanity. An old celtic proverb says "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance!" It takes both art and fierce battle to live this adventurous live of yours.

I see a special future in you! I cannot wait to see gaming products with RS, inventor written on the front. Always put high values and morals in them proving to the generations behind you that good can always win over the bad no matter how ugly it gets. It takes an inventor to create games, so it takes God to create you and all the personality and gifts tucked inside your heart and soul. God is the Mighty Warrior and learning under His study will give you more wisdom and insight for strength for a warrior's mind. When the game is played, the inventor does not tell all the secrets and you have to work yourself from level to level. So too does God leave our journeys with mystery that we often do not understand. Wait always on God and be encouraged! He will strengthen your heart!!!!

I am always here and I will be watching for your games. Please share your successes with me!!!

. :{{{Happy Birthday, RS}}}: . goooooooooo get'em!!!!!

I can't express how excited I am in finally understanding what a blessing is all about....

'bright eyes gladden the heart' . . . prov 15:30

love tank: touch

Cover Rusty, Corey, Martin & Robin with prayer ...

Hi all,

I just received a call from a really close friend, Robin. Her son, Rusty (22), was in a bad car accident last night.  He is currently at SB Memorial, ICU.  He has a broken neck, broken ribs, bruised organs etc.  He is not expected to walk again. He is scheduled for a risky surgery to realign his neck
tomorrow around 3:00.

What makes this situation worse is that my friend also has another son who is terminally ill and cannot be left with just anyone.  Because of his illness, Robin and her husband are takings shifts going to the hopital and staying at home with Corey, but aren't able to be at the same place at the same time to lean on each other.

Because of Corey's illness, they haven't really attended a church in a couple of years, and really don't have a foundation of believers to call upon for prayers.  She asked that I "rally up the troops and it get people praying" because she knows that "God is bigger than us and can do amazing things".

Please pray for Rusty's body, that if it is in His will, that Robin and Martin will see "amazing things" in Rusty's recovery. Please pray that Corey's illness remains stable during this time.  Please pray that Robin and Martin will be able to accept help and to ask for help when needed.    Please pray for wisdom with all of the decisions they need to make and that they will have the means to pay for Rusty's medical bills as well as Corey's.  Please pray that no matter what happens that Martin,
Robin and Rusty will see God working.

Thank you for your prayers!
Lu

I have to share this ...
In simple terms Corey's terminal illness is where sugar is killing his brain and ultimately killing him. I could hardly bear to hear this story my brother and his wife shared with me back in November. Then To hear about the car accident of the other son, tears just broke the damn for the parents. How much can these parent bare?

Dearest Heavenly Father,
A favorite word I have is nattah it means incline. I know You have bent down and You hear our cries. You hear our pain. You are the Lord of the storm. You hold us close to Your Chest.

As You stilled the storm and righted the little fishing boat, You can still this storm that has consumed Corey, Rusty, Robin and Martin. You are the Master Healer and we ask for healing of Rusty. You have gone before and You will walk with Robin and Martin as they try to be there for both sons and for each other. You are the Glue that can hold this family. With each little victory, we ask for Joy and Peace to settle their fagile hearts and souls.

As we cover them with our prayers, we ask for a surrounding of them. You are our Refuge, our Hope, and our Strength......
always Yours

right where you need to be ...

There has been a lot of death of college students in my state. Some from a small plane crash and this one in a van / semi accident. Taylor is a good christian college. And to hear five young lives where taken can shake you up, but then to add mistaken identy on top of it. I happened to catch part of the service where the boyfriend was talking about not knowing his girlfriend. Knowing I am in the family of Believers, I wondered what God had in mind ....

KENTWOOD, Michigan (AP) -- For five weeks, he sat by her hospital bed, talked to her, held her hand.

During those many hours together, Aryn Linenger said he never doubted that he was comforting his beloved girlfriend of three years, Laura VanRyn.

"I saw her hands, her feet, her complexion, and I can't believe that it wasn't her," Linenger said during a memorial service for her Sunday at Kentwood Community Church. "Even to this day, it's amazing to me that with all that time we spent together, that I just didn't know."

The young woman recovering in a Grand Rapids, Michigan, rehabilitation center for more than a month was not VanRyn but Whitney Cerak, a fellow Taylor University student who closely resembled VanRyn.

Linenger offered an apology to the woman he believed was his girlfriend in case his attention after the accident left her feeling confused.

"I want you to know that I still pray for that girl," he said during his 17-minute eulogy. "From day one, I said that she was a miracle child."

The picture I saw was that Laura stepped into God's Everlasting Arms that fateful night. God knew exactly who she was. He instantly restored her battered and broken body. She was beautifully clothed in heavenly white. Earthly prayers where no longer needed for Laura. Her earthly journey was finished.

Laura is with God looking down. She knows her boyfriend is at Whitney's bedside. She is ok with that. Why would she be offended? God felt it best that Aryn is there to give Whitney his presence. Humans are funny beings. We need a lot of touch in order to heal.

I am a strong believer in 'you are exactly in the place you need to be' especially when you have no idea how you got there. Then you know for sure it was all in God's Mighty Plan.

meditation (a still verb)

"I'm just gonna go sit with God & have a rest"
Hugh Jackman on meditation in an interview with O Magizine

I like this thought and I am keeping it. Hugh also went on to describe it like taking a bath. You wash every day so why shouldn't you meditate every day? The other thing with the bath picture, you actually get the whole person wet. Total immersion. Perfect visual for me.

word slueth : liberty

pushing up dirt ...

This proud 'mum' couldn't wait to go over to my parent's house to see my baby blue aussie pumpkin plants. Both the Bush Babys and the Jarrahdales are pushing up dirt! I swear you can actually see these little seedlings grow.

First, the dirt looks flat. Then wait... there is a small touch of green.

As the leaves begin to uncurl, dirt is push up. You have to peek under the dirt to see the leaf uncurl. I feel like in a butterfly moment. 'Don't touch the dirt. Don't move it. Let that leaf push it off!'

Without notice the dirt is moved and out pops the little baby blue pumpkin plant!!!!

I just cannot get enough of looking at these little seedlings!!! Isn't God an Awesome Creator? What joy it brings to see seeds burst forth with such life. Hope too that the seeds He planted in me will take root and grow. How delighted He must be when He sees Joy, Love, and Life take root and abound!

mad chow : 3 baby blue pumpkin plants

the break up ...

I would rate this movie as a 5, a -5 that is, for the yelling. I had a headache (from walking about in the sun this morning) and I hate excessive noise and especially yelling. I should have known that break up would actually mean break up yelling! However, I would rate the movie as a whole a 7. There is a message here and it is incredibly sad that it took breaking up for the message to be clear. There is no getting back together either!!!! Pretty brave to do for all those of us who like movies that come out right in the end!!!

All break ups have to do with NOT bringing your full self even the ugly parts of you that hide out. All break ups have to with NOT giving up your own wants and do something with the someone you love just because you love them. All break ups have to do with someone not fighting for the us.

Break ups are not exclusive. As I walked away from the theater, my mind traveled to the broken friendships and even broken job experiences that I have accumalated. It is difficult to own up to what I might have hidden and what I could no longer take. Yet, I know that I have given of who I am, the good and the bad. I am a pretty deep person. I often give too much. I am not afraid of learning. I keep polishing. I keep morphing. I show up. I keep hoping that one day my good relationships will out weigh the break ups.

I could have bashed certain people in my break ups here, but I couldn't. Relationships are way to important. I am extremely sad in most of my broken relationships and feel most like Aniston's character. Yet, I have had a sigh of relief in one or two of my broken relationships and that is a difficult scary thought to me! To have a feeling of relief seems so guilty when connection is so important to me.

So wow! a hugh mix of thoughts and emotions.......

movie review : United 93

3 baby blue pumpkin plants!!!

I just got the news today!!! I am the proud 'mum' (as the Aussies would spell) of three Jarrahdale Australian blue pumpkins. The seeds have popped opened and pushed a baby plant through the dirt. Twenty seeds where planted so to get three I am happy happy. I am optomistic that more will follow. I am worried about my twenty-four Bush Baby seeds. Nothing.

I planted them in containers this past Saturday. The place in the yard had moles and is of need of some preparing. I was not keen to start them in containers for fear they won't survive. But with little seed eating beasts around, containers seem a safer idea until they are teenies. Then it will be time for the next phase. To the mound of dirt.

Seeds. Little cases of potential life inside. A promise tucked in a shell. I just marvel that from a seed, life can begin. A packet with a picture of what the seeds will grow up to be seems like wishful thinking. Unsealing the fold, I peek in and flesh colored seeds nestle in the crease like they are hiding. To drop them in dirt, cover, then flooding with water is like risking the whole jackpot.

The Jarrahdale seeds look similar to what our big orange American pumpkin seeds look like... well, maybe a bit smaller and pink. The Bush Baby seeds are shaped like regular pumpkin seeds with what looks like a bit of filling in between. I called it a pumpkin seed sandwich!

A seed journey. I just wanted to soak in something new. I want to compare and contrast. There is something here to take in. Something spiritual beyond earth bound seeds and big pumpkins is here for me to discover.

God-Seeds ... are tucked in my heart and soul. Little cases of potential life. A promise tucked in a shell to sprout. God-Given gifts and a purpose for my life to give to a needy world.

mad chow : blue pumpkin seeds awaiting