She cried herself to sleep two nights ago. Always happens towards bedtime when talking to God. Her thoughts that have not stoped during the day, rest upon 'PreciousGift'. Tears, frustration, sadness, and anger swirl around her very soul, pitching her down a deep well.
Hot tears boil down her puffy cheeks. Why can't she move on? Why must she torment herself with the memories? She has untied the knots only to find them knotted again. She has made desicions to pack away all the joyous memories way back in the dark corner of the attic only to wake up the next morning tripping on the unwrapped box on the way to fresh brekkie.
Leaning on God and waiting for His moment, she discovered a perfect way to write out a one of a kind blessing using his name and incorporating his favorite things and his favorite ways of touching. She felt so right about it that the time slipped away and before she knew it, bedtime came and went.
She knows it is laying there in his email. She knows he is around; he made a lousy small peep. It is like a slap in the face not only from a human but from the Almighty God Himself. She gets it . She knows that a man is definately not on her needs list as the Heavenly Father has so painfully has not provided. If you lean in and listen, you can hear her mutter to herself about His Providing for all her needs and that all good gifts come from Him. She is consoling a beaten down and puffy broken heart.
She is having a moment. She knows He loves her more deeply than another. She knows He cries with her tears. She knows the Everlasting Arms cradle her close to His Chest. It justs hurts so much. She has been working so hard on love in action and she feels like such a failure. Her favorite quality? Tenacious! She refuses to be anything but resiliant...
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