touch ...

Babies who are held, hugged, and touched tenderly develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. The same is true of the elderly. Visit the nursing homes of this nation and you will find that the residents who receive affirming touch have a more positive spirit and do better generally than those who are not touched. Tender, affirming physical touch is a fundamental language of love.

Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love. If the person's primary love language is physical touch, your touches will speak much louder than the words ''I hate you'' or ''I love you.'' Withhold touches and you will isolate and raise doubts about your love.

Whatever there is of you resides in your body. To touch your body is to touch you. When someone withdraws from your body, they distance themselves from you emotionally.

Becoming fluent in the love language of physical touch requires that you be sensitive to the desires of the other person. The time, the place, and the mannoer in which you touch are all important.

*It is almost always inappropriate to touch someone when he or she is angry. Anger is an emotion that pushes people away from each other. If you attempt to hug a person when he or she is angry, you will almost always be rebuffed. Physical touch on such occasions comes across as an effort to control; it strikes at the person's need for independence. Thus, he pulls away from your touch.

*Touches are usually appropriate after a person has made a major accomplishment. It is a means of celebrating a victory. Conversely, times of failure are also times for expressing the love language of physical touch. When people are down on themselves because they have not lived up to their potential, physical touch can communicate genuine love and concern.

Every individual is unique. If you want to be successful in relationships, you must learn not only the love language but the dialect in which the other person best receives love.

The love language of physical touch never uses force but always seeks the appropriate time, place, and mannoer in which to express affirming touch.
fr: ''The Five Love Languages for Singles'' by Gary Chapman

: Q : What types of physical touch do you consider affirming? uncomfortable?
: Q : For the 'touchers' in your life, how might you reciprocate their love?
: Q : If someone has drawn back from your touch, why do you think that is the case?

Touch doesn't come natural to me. I like my space and get uneasy when someone invades my quarters. This ora around me is the place I live. Its my home. No one messes with my home.

Looking back over my childhood we were not the hugging family. However, I knew that when I was at my lowest my parents arms were there waiting to envelope me. I can count on one hand the times I needed physical touch to heal up my shattered emotions. (... a band trip where the bus broke down and with college roommate crushing my confidence ... ) I guess maybe I am an independent. I went off to camp and college with no homesickness. I was scared to death sure ... but I moved calmly on the outside ... maybe a little numbness too help ... but I was a major sponge soaking in all my surroundings.

Only recently have I seen first hand how touch with its love transforms relationships and people. In conversation with a loved one I asked him what his love language was. He responded that it was touch. Having heard bits about his childhood, I was surprised that his love language wasn't words so I questioned him on this. He responded that the hard words never mattered much. Rather it was the lack of good touch that effected his self-esteem. I rolled this info around in my heart. Wow. I can see through the physical and see right though to his marriage problems and his struggle to become the guy he is today. A marriage where touch turned violent. On the flip side ... have to be honest here ... lack of touch might have been a factor too.

He shared with me the good of touch too. I know his favorite touch cravings ... his scalp and his toes are very needy ... shirts have to have the right feel, must be soft .... yet he likes brushes to bare skin. Yikes!!!! I have tried brushes to bare skin and I don't like it so much.

He really opened up the world of touch to me, but only recently have I moved from the thought process and tried it out in action. There are two little vintage church ladies that have come up to me and hugged me. At the time my thought was 'ok, now you did it. You came into my space and gotten your perfume all over me. From this Sunday forward you will never get away from me without me hugging you.' At the beginning I think I caught the one off guard as she stuck out her hand for hand shake and I came at her with a hug. Funny how the hugs began to change me. It opened up ourselves to each other on a level unreachable by words.

Because of these ladies, I began to make a conscious effort to hug my Dad everytime I was with him. He likes to debate and I just can't handle it even though I love words of affirmation. ( well, that explains it. I like affirming words and in a debate there is nothing stable about it!) Because I would avoid debates, our relationship began to suffer and I did not like that. So I made a pact with myself to hug Dad. Let me tell you, it works.

I have not experienced touch in an intimate way with a special someone. And so you know that I am NOT a lost cause with touch, I have often dreamed of Arms hugged me to a safe and secure chest. To me that is the most secure place when 'storms' hit. No wonder I love the Bible passages about the Everlasting Arms holding me up. I also have this image that when someone is touching you it is a sign language for love. I love the picture that sign language gives a visual person and this picture of hands whispering to skin 'I love you. You are beautiful. You are strong ... ' is something I hold dear and cherish.

One other thing that I learned about touch that has my mind awhirl is that the tip of our tongue is highly sensitive. No wonder my loved one loves food. No not just eating the food but the texture and the feel of it. It is like I walked in on something intimate!

I often wonder why my eyes leak so much in Sunday Morning Church. I now understand that it is because God 'touched' me. My tears are my evidence of His Intimate Presence no matter if in tears of sadness or if in tears of joy. His Love for me is offen are expressed by His Word. I feel His caress in my heart. It is a soft and simple God-Touch, a God-Connection.

Touch indeed has opened wide my love tank. I am richer ...

tank'en on love: signing up for messing