coming down from the Father of the Heavenly Lights,
Who does not change like shifting shadows.
~james 1:17
This verse has been on my mind a lot lately. See I met this guy 5 summers ago. I remember clearly going to bed that night with thanksgiving on my lips to my Heavenly Father for such a wonderful gift in this man. I have collected so many rich memories of him, but he slipped away like a shifting shadow.
I am quite in the Dark about all this. I had figured it my duty to continue my steadfastness in this now one sided relationship. I thought I needed to remain so that he could believe that love is real and that he is allowed to feel real love for himself. I felt that I have had the better childhood. I was the stronger one. Now my strength is spent. I do not believe that I was doing all this on my own. I felt His movement in every connection I made. Now I am just totally dumbfounded.
When he was leaving, I leaned heavy on the Rock of Ages. Huge blessing to know that He does not shift. Now I feel humanly abused and Spiritually bruised.
Oh dear, I said I was going to take a vow of silence on this.... maybe I need to not speak but still need to heal blogstyle by stitching in the gapping seams....
Trials and Temptations
ReplyDelete2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, Who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
13When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
16Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.
to walk humbly but to walk tall in my faith ...