I had a big message in my heart that I wanted to share with my family. I didn't want Christmas to go by without putting the focus on the real message. I had a 'sparrow message' for Thanksgiving that I put on white origami sparrows but did not speak aloud. I didn't want this to happen again because it was too big for my little heart to contain. This message was FEAR NOT. A couple of us with manufacturing jobs are wondering if or how long we will have a job. One bro is going to Central America for a week for his master's degree leaving wife and child home to fend for themselves. And all of us feel the uncertain times even though we have the HOPE. When every thing around you is quaking and moving, you still see it even when you are secure on the Solid Rock. So armed with my white origami Christmas trees with a different FEAR NOT verse on the back of each for each family member to read aloud, I was going to speak up.
I did speak up and a sister-in-law who's job was the most secure became a puddle just as the first verse was spoken. She was such a mess that she had to have my bro read Ethen's and her verse aloud. When all the verses where read, she said she had lost her job the previous Monday due to false accusations. My bro is on call back - five weeks or more of no work. We were beginning to wonder if she would have told us if I wouldn't have done this 'fear not' thing. It is amazing how God moves us. She said that everywhere she turns it is God telling her not to fear but to trust. I have been needing to put all the verses together and even some others and email them out so that everyone has the list of verses to fortify their life.
So here it goes:
Luke 2:10-11
''FEAR NOT for behold, I bring you good tidings of Great Joy which will be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.''
Luke 12:32-34
''FEAR NOT, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the Kingdom. ...a treasure in Heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.''
Luke 12:6-7 (sparrows)
''Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God. ... FEAR NOT therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.''
Isa 43:1-4
''FEAR NOT, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. ... since you are precious and honored in My sight, and because I love you.''
Ps 118:6-9
''The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
The Lord is with me; He is my Helper.
I will look triumph on my enemies.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in princes.
[
Ps 56:4
''In God, Whose Word I praise,
in God I trust; I will fear not.
What can mortal man do to me?
[
Heb 13:5-6
''God has said,
Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you. (deut 31:6)
So we say with confidence,
The Lord is my Helper; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?'' (ps 118:6-7)
Isa 44:8
''Do not tremble. FEAR NOT.
Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago?
You are My witnesses. Is there any God besides Me?
No, there is no other Rock; I know not one.''
Rom 8:15
''For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, Abba, Father.''
Isa 35:3-4
''Strengthen the feeble hands,steady the knees that give way;
say to those with fearful hearts,
'Be strong, FEAR NOT;
your God will come,
He will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
He will come to save you.''
I John 4:16-17
''God is Love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judegement ... There is NO FEAR in love. But perfect love drives out fear ...''
I Tim 1:7
''For God did not give us the spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love, and of sound mind.''
Rev 1:17-18
''FEAR NOT. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.''
[
Rev 15:4
''Great and marvelous are Your Deeds,
Lord God Almighty.
Just and true are Your Ways,
King of Ages.
Who will not fear You, O Lord,
and bring glory to Your Name?
For You alone are Holy.
All nations will come
and worship before You,
for Your Righteous Acts have been revealed.''
I ended here with Dad saying a prayer for us. It was amazing to see God move and move us together in trials.
I do have to say that once I get a roll on laying out verses, more and more come and fit up against each other... so here I go adding some more verses because it is fine and dandy to say that I will lean but I need some action or I become immobile.
Here is my action plan:
Deut 29:29
''The secret things belong to the Lord our God,
but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever,
that we may follow all the words of this law.''
Deut 30:15, 19-20
''See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His Ways, and to keep His Commands, Decrees and Laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.
... I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His Voice, and hold fast to Him. For the Lord is your life ...
fear not part I
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
wishes for 2009
to be more creative
I have the old standbys and favorite loves of my life like cross stitching, painting, and looming. I am adding yo-yo's! because they are quite easy and just another way to embellish! I have been wanting to make some really cute amigurumi toys but crocheting has been a real nemesis of mine.
I am a self-teacher because I can't find anyone who will teach me. I am at it again being too focused on trying to find easy pictures and instruction for my learning. I have to come up for air and let me tell you, it is not going very well. So here is to taking my time and try, try, try again.
I like learning new things and I have to watch to not forget my first loves and real passions - painting & writing. I want to expand my painting imagination and ability on glass. However, I do want to be more handmade in my gifts and yo-yo's looks like it will help in the area of hair bows and embellished clothes for a little niece of mine and just maybe the big niece might like some too. I love things small and amigurumi is just perfect for this tiny fetish. I guess my biggest hope that I can be well rounded in the creativity but play up my favorite passion as well.
With that I wish to make my creativity my profession or maybe just to have some pocket change or at least get my kitchen back to a more kitchen instead of being overrun by glass. So I am checking out esty.com and making plans! Hmmmm ...
to move more
I already walk every Saturday in the summer if it is a nice day. I do on occasion lift weights for a toned arm but now that I have two dance dvds I really need to use them! An old quote that I love is 'movement is medicine.'
to write more
Now we are talking. I have always loved the written word whether it is a book or blog. I like to write and have found that writing gets out all the pent up emotion and thought that started to bog me down. Not that I have morbid thoughts even thought they are present at times but even the good thoughts need to be expressed and even taken in by others. It is a form of encouragement.
I have been using google docs but I really want to get iWorks so that I can really get into writing and be organized about it without having to be online and have that distraction! I am waiting to see what the job front is doing because it is hard to fork out the mula when it could go for groceries or some other important bill.
Besides online I really need to figure out how I can be successful with my writing and do it. Maybe I need a more organized writer space or maybe I need to really create some writer habits to do every day or maybe I need to really put the focus on words. I have been making white origami & putting God's Words as a why to encourage others as well as myself...
to be Romanced more by God
I have already fallen more and more in love with Him so much so that I really want to dig into His Word and keep my eyes open and receive His Love. Psalms 45:1 & Jer 31:3
to embrace my life & fear not the constant companion of aloneness
Kinda enough said! I am so tired of this duel emotion of this want of teamwork and having to be alone. I have got to make this work! I dig a duet but having to sing alone? help! Anyway my focus is on the above - Romanced by an Everlasting Love.
to have an neat & organized home to promote more creativity
I am well on my way but I would love more storage and more organization. Being tidy and having a space for everything allows you to see all and coordinate things together that you would not have thought of at first. I like a creative imagination and this allows for adult play! It is not just for kids. Problem is that I need some good furniture for the bedroom especially but furniture is pricey and quality isn't found at the local department store. If I am honest my 'craft room' isn't just in the kitchen but there are parts of it everywhere!
I have the old standbys and favorite loves of my life like cross stitching, painting, and looming. I am adding yo-yo's! because they are quite easy and just another way to embellish! I have been wanting to make some really cute amigurumi toys but crocheting has been a real nemesis of mine.
I am a self-teacher because I can't find anyone who will teach me. I am at it again being too focused on trying to find easy pictures and instruction for my learning. I have to come up for air and let me tell you, it is not going very well. So here is to taking my time and try, try, try again.
I like learning new things and I have to watch to not forget my first loves and real passions - painting & writing. I want to expand my painting imagination and ability on glass. However, I do want to be more handmade in my gifts and yo-yo's looks like it will help in the area of hair bows and embellished clothes for a little niece of mine and just maybe the big niece might like some too. I love things small and amigurumi is just perfect for this tiny fetish. I guess my biggest hope that I can be well rounded in the creativity but play up my favorite passion as well.
With that I wish to make my creativity my profession or maybe just to have some pocket change or at least get my kitchen back to a more kitchen instead of being overrun by glass. So I am checking out esty.com and making plans! Hmmmm ...
to move more
I already walk every Saturday in the summer if it is a nice day. I do on occasion lift weights for a toned arm but now that I have two dance dvds I really need to use them! An old quote that I love is 'movement is medicine.'
to write more
Now we are talking. I have always loved the written word whether it is a book or blog. I like to write and have found that writing gets out all the pent up emotion and thought that started to bog me down. Not that I have morbid thoughts even thought they are present at times but even the good thoughts need to be expressed and even taken in by others. It is a form of encouragement.
I have been using google docs but I really want to get iWorks so that I can really get into writing and be organized about it without having to be online and have that distraction! I am waiting to see what the job front is doing because it is hard to fork out the mula when it could go for groceries or some other important bill.
Besides online I really need to figure out how I can be successful with my writing and do it. Maybe I need a more organized writer space or maybe I need to really create some writer habits to do every day or maybe I need to really put the focus on words. I have been making white origami & putting God's Words as a why to encourage others as well as myself...
to be Romanced more by God
I have already fallen more and more in love with Him so much so that I really want to dig into His Word and keep my eyes open and receive His Love. Psalms 45:1 & Jer 31:3
to embrace my life & fear not the constant companion of aloneness
Kinda enough said! I am so tired of this duel emotion of this want of teamwork and having to be alone. I have got to make this work! I dig a duet but having to sing alone? help! Anyway my focus is on the above - Romanced by an Everlasting Love.
to have an neat & organized home to promote more creativity
I am well on my way but I would love more storage and more organization. Being tidy and having a space for everything allows you to see all and coordinate things together that you would not have thought of at first. I like a creative imagination and this allows for adult play! It is not just for kids. Problem is that I need some good furniture for the bedroom especially but furniture is pricey and quality isn't found at the local department store. If I am honest my 'craft room' isn't just in the kitchen but there are parts of it everywhere!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
fav reads of 2008
* ''The Last Lecture'' by Randy Pausch
Do you need a boost to get your focus back on your dreams and the stuff of importance? This is a must read!
* ''Meeting God at a Dead End'' by Ron Mehl
This is a favorite author of mine. When I began to get lost in October with the job mess, I got into this book. Great renewing of the mind stuff.
* ''Chronicles of Narnia''
Started to read the series and must continue to finish. I am not a big fan of science fiction but with the movies it helps to see it in your imagination as you read. I fell in love with the Lord of the Rings & these authors where friends, maybe I could fall in love with Narnia. Well, I didn't fall for Narnia like I have with the Rings, but a good read none the less!
Do you need a boost to get your focus back on your dreams and the stuff of importance? This is a must read!
* ''Meeting God at a Dead End'' by Ron Mehl
This is a favorite author of mine. When I began to get lost in October with the job mess, I got into this book. Great renewing of the mind stuff.
* ''Chronicles of Narnia''
Started to read the series and must continue to finish. I am not a big fan of science fiction but with the movies it helps to see it in your imagination as you read. I fell in love with the Lord of the Rings & these authors where friends, maybe I could fall in love with Narnia. Well, I didn't fall for Narnia like I have with the Rings, but a good read none the less!
fav hymns for 2008
* ''You are My Hiding Place'' - sounds haunting like Phantom of the Opera ( a chorus)
* ''Jesus, I am Resting, Resting''
* My Hope is Built on Nothing Less - nov
* ''I heard the Bells on Christmas Day'' by Henry W Longfellow - dec
and a little chorus:
* ''Jesus, I am Resting, Resting''
* My Hope is Built on Nothing Less - nov
* ''I heard the Bells on Christmas Day'' by Henry W Longfellow - dec
and a little chorus:
Jesus has come & my cup overruns.
Oh, say that I'm glad, I'm glad.
Oh, say that I'm glad.
Oh, say that I'm glad, I'm glad.
Oh, say that I'm glad.
firsts of 2008
*1st pizza!
*1st photobook
*1st played on the Wii
*1st twitter entry - jul 26th
*1st stuffed cabbage - yum
*1st pear sauce & butter!
*1st loomed Christmas bell
*1st loomed tiny stocking
*1st loom snowman treat bag
*1st photobook
*1st played on the Wii
*1st twitter entry - jul 26th
*1st stuffed cabbage - yum
*1st pear sauce & butter!
*1st loomed Christmas bell
*1st loomed tiny stocking
*1st loom snowman treat bag
highlights of 2008
*making several cute hats for Lucia on the loom - jan
*had major probs with my mac & loosing appleworks grr - mar
*felt an earthquake - apr
*scoffer epiphany - prov 22:10
*major cold & cough enough to take me out - may
*Tink, bro's dog, adopted into our brood w/ Bobby & Andy - jun
-->What make's you (or ______) successful? epiphany
*Wii adventures w/ mom - love tennis!
*Erica & Mitch's wedding - jul
*loss of online time because I really messed up my mac - jul
*Summer Olympics! the opening, US swimming, & US beachball!! - aug
--> 'Don't put an age on your dreams' Dana Torres
*Getting back with my old friend, my bike - aug
*got a new iMac!!!!
*an old friend came back who didn't want to hear my no - sad to say no but was the best thing to do - sep
-->no on the human level hurts but no in the Eternal realm is freeing!!!
*two sister company's merged into 1 - means I had to move offices and now share. - sep
*rearranged my livingroom! Love it better! more organized
*sparrows epiphany - FEAR NOT epiphany!!!!
*working with a bumper crop of pears -making pear sauce & pear butter - oct & nov
*'my HOPE is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood & righteousness'
*got to have two weeks vacation right at Christmas!!!!
*wondering if I will have a job....
*had major probs with my mac & loosing appleworks grr - mar
*felt an earthquake - apr
*scoffer epiphany - prov 22:10
*major cold & cough enough to take me out - may
*Tink, bro's dog, adopted into our brood w/ Bobby & Andy - jun
-->What make's you (or ______) successful? epiphany
*Wii adventures w/ mom - love tennis!
*Erica & Mitch's wedding - jul
*loss of online time because I really messed up my mac - jul
*Summer Olympics! the opening, US swimming, & US beachball!! - aug
--> 'Don't put an age on your dreams' Dana Torres
*Getting back with my old friend, my bike - aug
*got a new iMac!!!!
*an old friend came back who didn't want to hear my no - sad to say no but was the best thing to do - sep
-->no on the human level hurts but no in the Eternal realm is freeing!!!
*two sister company's merged into 1 - means I had to move offices and now share. - sep
*rearranged my livingroom! Love it better! more organized
*sparrows epiphany - FEAR NOT epiphany!!!!
*working with a bumper crop of pears -making pear sauce & pear butter - oct & nov
*'my HOPE is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood & righteousness'
*got to have two weeks vacation right at Christmas!!!!
*wondering if I will have a job....
fav tunes of 2008
* ''Somebody's Me'' by EI
* ''Miss You'' by EI
* ''Don't Forget about Me.'' by EI
* ''Learning How to Bend'' by Gary Allen
* ''Shattered'' (turn this car around) by o.a.r.
* ''Addicted'' by ...
* ''Gotta be Somebody'' by Nickelback
Like always give me a song that is all about lonely or broken hearts and I will tend to like it. My heart is a big fat feeler and very sappy - a good thing for empathy but for my personal heart aguish and pain, it is purely a very dark eery place. It is my heart standing front and center exhaling. Funny thing though is that hymns really feed my soul and happy reigns..
I am a country fan but this year not so many on the list! Hmmm ...
* ''Miss You'' by EI
* ''Don't Forget about Me.'' by EI
* ''Learning How to Bend'' by Gary Allen
* ''Shattered'' (turn this car around) by o.a.r.
* ''Addicted'' by ...
* ''Gotta be Somebody'' by Nickelback
Like always give me a song that is all about lonely or broken hearts and I will tend to like it. My heart is a big fat feeler and very sappy - a good thing for empathy but for my personal heart aguish and pain, it is purely a very dark eery place. It is my heart standing front and center exhaling. Funny thing though is that hymns really feed my soul and happy reigns..
I am a country fan but this year not so many on the list! Hmmm ...
monthly thoughts of 2008
Jan: Is this living life abundant?
Feb: Bury seeds - Bloom Flowers
Mar: exceedingly, abundantly, beyond
Apr: you - Me - travel!
May: Conquer your brick wall!
Jun:stop trying -starting training!
Jul: The battle is the Lord's
Aug: HABOR LOVE
Sep: Prove faithful.
Oct: in God's hands
Nov: more valued than sparrows
Dec: FEAR NOT!!
Feb: Bury seeds - Bloom Flowers
Mar: exceedingly, abundantly, beyond
Apr: you - Me - travel!
May: Conquer your brick wall!
Jun:stop trying -starting training!
Jul: The battle is the Lord's
Aug: HABOR LOVE
Sep: Prove faithful.
Oct: in God's hands
Nov: more valued than sparrows
Dec: FEAR NOT!!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
my 14,525th day
1. The 3 monkeys made for my little niece, nephew, and tween niece seemed to be a hit. The nephew was really giving his train monkey a workout! I hope my workmanship holds up to the wear and tear!
2. Made white origami Christmas tree name cards with a different 'fear not' verse on the back of each for each of us to read aloud because I wanted to encourage each family member that we are not given the spirit of fear. Bravo! I didn't chicken out. However, a lot of tears as the sister-in-law whose job was the safest out of the lot was lost past Monday due to false accusations. She has been getting a lot of fear not and trust God messages. I had Dad follow up with prayer. It has been amazing to exhale as a family and see how God has been working in our lives.
3. Added 3 lip goo to my collection! Plus, a really simple patriotic stationary ... hmm, maybe I should start writing long hand!
2. Made white origami Christmas tree name cards with a different 'fear not' verse on the back of each for each of us to read aloud because I wanted to encourage each family member that we are not given the spirit of fear. Bravo! I didn't chicken out. However, a lot of tears as the sister-in-law whose job was the safest out of the lot was lost past Monday due to false accusations. She has been getting a lot of fear not and trust God messages. I had Dad follow up with prayer. It has been amazing to exhale as a family and see how God has been working in our lives.
3. Added 3 lip goo to my collection! Plus, a really simple patriotic stationary ... hmm, maybe I should start writing long hand!
Friday, December 26, 2008
great gain ...
I Tim 6:6
I ran across this verse earlier in this Christmas season and was thinking how it was an important thought to teach the little ones. In the following verses it talks about be content with the food and clothing and at this time of pinching everything for all its worth, shouldn't the simple things instead of toys and gadgets make us content?
Last night I was reading God's Word for some mental renewing as I was feeling a bit frustrated. Aloneness has been a long time companion even as I try to make homey traditions that one usually does with a little brood of a family and I find my heart always a bit wanting at this time of year. I want contentment to be very deep seated in my life and I wonder if I will ever achieve it.
Why isn't shelter - shelter of family and friends - added here in this passage? It is simple and it is not a toy or gadget. I know this kind of shelter is important as other passages point to like being friendly in Proverbs 18:24 and like be courteous as we are heirs together in I Peter 3:7-8 and like being knitted together in Col 2:2. I know I failed terribly in the sheltering part last night and even as I saw being neglected by others, I didn't get it until I got into my cold jeep and made way to my small quiet home.
I have a mental picture of the man of the house coming home and the wife greeting him as a king coming home to his kingdom. That wife knows deeply in her heart that she wants him to feel welcomed and safe here so that it is a no brainer that when things are tough and heart wrenching out there that he chooses to home and her than work or another woman every time. So why aren't I developing another picture to work out for the knitted heirs? Shouldn't I treat each moment even when I am physically or emotionally hurting as royal moments?
Teamwork is extremely important to me but it involves two or more - again here I have couple thoughts and motives yet I have a lone life. {Sighs} Anyways as I seek contentment, a wish I have is teamwork in my life as I think it would give me the encouragement I long for .... hmmm, another wish!
Great gain ÷ by God-Ways = contentment
Is this a valid ? a thinker ...
Thursday, December 25, 2008
God is not dead nor doth He sleep...
I was loom knitting my first Christmas bells earlier in the month and as I was amazed at how well they turned out, some of the words from a beloved Christmas Hymn came to mind. "God is not dead nor doth He sleep ... peace on earth, good-will to men''. I was trying to recall all the words from the hymn when from the back of the darken memory halls came the thought that this hymn was written in the time of war. Was it WWII? I would search for more info when I got online but it was dark and the Christmas lights were twinkling, bedtime was here, and my heart was very moved thinking how much hope is there was in hearing Christmas Bells. God is not dead to the quaking hearts of man even in war or financial darkness. I prayed with heavy heart for those of us facing turbulent times at work and possible no work in the near future and I prayed with a very light heart because of the HOPE in God who cares for little old me and for all those who SEEK Him.
When I did get online to find the words to this beloved hymn, I found out that it was a poem written by a beloved American poet. It wasn't WWII but the American Civil war on Christmas Day 1864. More info found that Henry had just received news that his son was injured in battle and he also had lost his wife to a fire accident two years prior. This man had so much darkness and despair in his heart and he let it bubble out onto the written page and with it his faith and hope in God poured out too. It still rings out today in any kind of pain or loss or desperation. Let the Christmas Bells ring out in the chambers of your heart today and year 'round!
Christmas Bells by Henry W Longfellow
I HEARD the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Till ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men."
When I did get online to find the words to this beloved hymn, I found out that it was a poem written by a beloved American poet. It wasn't WWII but the American Civil war on Christmas Day 1864. More info found that Henry had just received news that his son was injured in battle and he also had lost his wife to a fire accident two years prior. This man had so much darkness and despair in his heart and he let it bubble out onto the written page and with it his faith and hope in God poured out too. It still rings out today in any kind of pain or loss or desperation. Let the Christmas Bells ring out in the chambers of your heart today and year 'round!
Christmas Bells by Henry W Longfellow
I HEARD the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Till ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men."
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
FEAR NOT!!!
Instead of resolutions I choose a theme for each year as a way to seek God on something that I would like to enrich in my life. It isn't about change or self-help but rather seeking and having God-Help in my life. Some years I don't have a theme and what is cool is that God brings a theme into my life just like He did this year.
Towards the beginning of the year the whisper of ~fear not~ began. I saw it in that God never has told us to be discouraged or defeated. He is always saying to ~fear not and to take heart~! I just want to shout because it moved me so. Then September hit me like a freight train on a frantic mission of speed and evil - an old relationship tried to come back and the combining of two companies then with the $markets in a tailspin, I had feelings of sadness and wonderings. God sent in the sparrows so that I could hear His ~fear not~. My strength was renewed and I want to spread it to my family as each of us is affected since 3 of us have manufacturing jobs.
I am so thankful to have these two weeks off here in December even if it is because my place of work is teetering on the unknown. I have been on the go for so long and so fast, this calm is so welcomed and enjoyed. I do not know what January holds but I shout back that God took care of me with one job loss, He will take care of me in this one.
Who knows, maybe there will be a new beginning in work that I am passionate about! Last time God gave me the gift of JOY. So all I can be is excited and expectant for what He will bring!
I do feel frustrated when I see the men in my life get bogged down by the pressures of work and their loss of providing for their loved ones. I know this is crucial in a man's life so how does a girl reflect this ~fear not~ message into a man's life? I don't know but to quietly express it and convey to them how good they are in the providing. God will be showing me the way of encouraging because I seek ...
I am making a list of ~fear not passages from His Word. Try it! I using the Blue Letter Bible.com to do my study.
'The Lord Himself goes before you
& will be with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid;
Do not be discouraged.'
Deut 31:8
'For I the Lord thy God will hold your right hand,
saying unto thee, FEAR NOT;
I will help thee.'
Isa 41:13
'FEAR NOT for I have redeemed thee,
I have called thee by thy name;
thou art Mine.'
Isa 43:1
'Wait on the Lord,
Be of Good Courage
& He will strengthen thine heart ♡'
Ps 27:14
'I, even I, am He
Who comforts you.
Who are you to be afraid of mortal man?'
Isa 51:12
'The Lord will not allow the righteous soul to famish.'
Prov 10:3
'.. if God is for us, who can be against us?'
Rom 8:31
'The Lord gives strength to His people;
the Lord bless His people with peace.
Ps 29:11
'Look to the Lord
& His Strength;
Seek His Face always.
Remember the Wonders He has done,
His Miracles & the judgements He pronounced.'
Ps 105:4-5
'Rejoice in Christ Jesus
& have NO confidence in the flesh.'
Phil 3:3
'For God has NOT given us the spirit of fear,
but of POWER, and of LOVE, and of a SOUND MIND.'
II Tim 1:7
'And when I saw Him, I fell at His feet as dead.
And He laid His Right hand upon me, saying unto me,
FEAR NOT; I am the First and the Last.'
Rev 1:17
'Who shall not fear Thee, O Lord,
and glorify Thy Name?
For Thou only art Holy:
for all nations shall come and worship before Thee;
for Thy judgements are made manifest.'
Rev 15:4
So quake on earth, I SHALL NOT BE MOVED!
Merry Christmas & FEAR NOT!
FEAR NOT for behold,
I bring you Good Tidings of Great Joy
which will be to all people.
For there is born to you this day in the city of David
a SAVIOR, who is Christ the Lord.'
Luke 2:10-11
Towards the beginning of the year the whisper of ~fear not~ began. I saw it in that God never has told us to be discouraged or defeated. He is always saying to ~fear not and to take heart~! I just want to shout because it moved me so. Then September hit me like a freight train on a frantic mission of speed and evil - an old relationship tried to come back and the combining of two companies then with the $markets in a tailspin, I had feelings of sadness and wonderings. God sent in the sparrows so that I could hear His ~fear not~. My strength was renewed and I want to spread it to my family as each of us is affected since 3 of us have manufacturing jobs.
I am so thankful to have these two weeks off here in December even if it is because my place of work is teetering on the unknown. I have been on the go for so long and so fast, this calm is so welcomed and enjoyed. I do not know what January holds but I shout back that God took care of me with one job loss, He will take care of me in this one.
Who knows, maybe there will be a new beginning in work that I am passionate about! Last time God gave me the gift of JOY. So all I can be is excited and expectant for what He will bring!
I do feel frustrated when I see the men in my life get bogged down by the pressures of work and their loss of providing for their loved ones. I know this is crucial in a man's life so how does a girl reflect this ~fear not~ message into a man's life? I don't know but to quietly express it and convey to them how good they are in the providing. God will be showing me the way of encouraging because I seek ...
I am making a list of ~fear not passages from His Word. Try it! I using the Blue Letter Bible.com to do my study.
& will be with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid;
Do not be discouraged.'
Deut 31:8
'For I the Lord thy God will hold your right hand,
saying unto thee, FEAR NOT;
I will help thee.'
Isa 41:13
'FEAR NOT for I have redeemed thee,
I have called thee by thy name;
thou art Mine.'
Isa 43:1
'Wait on the Lord,
Be of Good Courage
& He will strengthen thine heart ♡'
Ps 27:14
'I, even I, am He
Who comforts you.
Who are you to be afraid of mortal man?'
Isa 51:12
'The Lord will not allow the righteous soul to famish.'
Prov 10:3
'.. if God is for us, who can be against us?'
Rom 8:31
'The Lord gives strength to His people;
the Lord bless His people with peace.
Ps 29:11
'Look to the Lord
& His Strength;
Seek His Face always.
Remember the Wonders He has done,
His Miracles & the judgements He pronounced.'
Ps 105:4-5
'Rejoice in Christ Jesus
& have NO confidence in the flesh.'
Phil 3:3
'For God has NOT given us the spirit of fear,
but of POWER, and of LOVE, and of a SOUND MIND.'
II Tim 1:7
'And when I saw Him, I fell at His feet as dead.
And He laid His Right hand upon me, saying unto me,
FEAR NOT; I am the First and the Last.'
Rev 1:17
'Who shall not fear Thee, O Lord,
and glorify Thy Name?
For Thou only art Holy:
for all nations shall come and worship before Thee;
for Thy judgements are made manifest.'
Rev 15:4
So quake on earth, I SHALL NOT BE MOVED!
Merry Christmas & FEAR NOT!
I bring you Good Tidings of Great Joy
which will be to all people.
For there is born to you this day in the city of David
a SAVIOR, who is Christ the Lord.'
Luke 2:10-11
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
secret things vs. revealed things
I have been wanting closure then taking it back on a friendship with someone who was very important to me. There was no fight only long talks which have left me with a lot of good memories. This person left. I have spent 4 years trying to close the door. I would love to have a final conversation so I can get rid of him but honestly I would rather he come back. So I sorta want a closure but don't want to. I hate ugly and friendship endings are always ugly.
A warning: When you seek, you better be ready for an answer! God has given in Deut 29:29 my closure. I do not have to trust man's lame excuses. I can still pray for this person and still cherish him without getting mean and upset with him when and if I would get the chance. So I will take God's closure and know that He is at work and working out His Best for me and more importantly 'THROUGH' me. Just maybe this friendship I had wasn't His Best for me but rather maybe what I did or what we talked about helped and just maybe is continuing to echo His Word into this person's life. I did write a boat load of letters via snail mail and email. (Talking too much is probably the reason he vanished!)
The secret things belong to the Lord our God,
but things revealed belong to us
& to our children forever,
that me may follow all the words
of the law.
Deut 29:29
Ahhh, yes! The secret things belong to the Lord my God. This special person and his vanishing act belong to the Lord, never for me to understand or to know until God decides to reveal it to me even when my heart pipes up from the back and shouts out about Proverbs and the message there that understanding and wisdom are very important things to achieve in my life. I then have to calm my quaking heart with ''those who know God's Name will put their trust in God; for God the Lord have not forsaken those who SEEK HIM.'' (ps 9:10) By seeking God and His Word things revealed are before me to follow and obey. Obeying God is expressing my love to Him and in return obedience brings blessing - disobedience brings punishment.
I have enough revealed things to keep my heart and me very busy!
secret things:
*vanishing act by a very dear one
revealed things:
* a list of must haves so I will recognize the one
* a more God-confident me with more God-confidence to go
* I truly loved someone else - a work that I wanted to do forever
* fearing not a single hood future no matter what age... {hard swallow}
* if I have that 'fear' about something, I will speak up & not stuff it down
ie: his leaving - I knew he would leave but never told him this.
* Proverbs 18:1 & 24 - wrong to be insular - must show yourself friendly BUT if it doesn't work, if you love & love is denied in return there is SOMEONE WHO IS A FRIEND WHO STICKS CLOSER THAN A BROTHER. Jesus Christ loves me and will never forsake me! AMEN!
A warning: When you seek, you better be ready for an answer! God has given in Deut 29:29 my closure. I do not have to trust man's lame excuses. I can still pray for this person and still cherish him without getting mean and upset with him when and if I would get the chance. So I will take God's closure and know that He is at work and working out His Best for me and more importantly 'THROUGH' me. Just maybe this friendship I had wasn't His Best for me but rather maybe what I did or what we talked about helped and just maybe is continuing to echo His Word into this person's life. I did write a boat load of letters via snail mail and email. (Talking too much is probably the reason he vanished!)
but things revealed belong to us
& to our children forever,
that me may follow all the words
of the law.
Deut 29:29
Ahhh, yes! The secret things belong to the Lord my God. This special person and his vanishing act belong to the Lord, never for me to understand or to know until God decides to reveal it to me even when my heart pipes up from the back and shouts out about Proverbs and the message there that understanding and wisdom are very important things to achieve in my life. I then have to calm my quaking heart with ''those who know God's Name will put their trust in God; for God the Lord have not forsaken those who SEEK HIM.'' (ps 9:10) By seeking God and His Word things revealed are before me to follow and obey. Obeying God is expressing my love to Him and in return obedience brings blessing - disobedience brings punishment.
I have enough revealed things to keep my heart and me very busy!
secret things:
*vanishing act by a very dear one
revealed things:
* a list of must haves so I will recognize the one
* a more God-confident me with more God-confidence to go
* I truly loved someone else - a work that I wanted to do forever
* fearing not a single hood future no matter what age... {hard swallow}
* if I have that 'fear' about something, I will speak up & not stuff it down
ie: his leaving - I knew he would leave but never told him this.
* Proverbs 18:1 & 24 - wrong to be insular - must show yourself friendly BUT if it doesn't work, if you love & love is denied in return there is SOMEONE WHO IS A FRIEND WHO STICKS CLOSER THAN A BROTHER. Jesus Christ loves me and will never forsake me! AMEN!
Friday, December 19, 2008
sugar plums!
I am offffff of work for two whole weeks! I did start a day early because of not paying certain vendors due to the lack of money flow out there so it took a ton of time to go through 3 weeks worth of invoices and then to delete the 'checks' from the check run. I also filed and received some nice and painful paper cuts as the files are full. We will go back to do inventory then it should get interesting. But as of these two weeks I will spend just how I like - being creative and festive! I have many projects that I want to get at and accomplish - probably too many! Some of those projects is to get Shutterfly to work w/ the transfer on the new iMac. Don't know why it won't work! Plus, getting logged into Shutterfly takes ages. Then I need to write here in llj and also need to write a some letters and update the resume. I got to look now for a new job. Maybe this is the time to go into something that really fuels my soul!!!
I have already spent many of my nights being festive with what things I have around the house. I have always loved the idea of having glass ornament bulbs in a bowl or tall glass cylinder. I don't have the regular sized bulbs so instead I used miniature sparkling water glass bottles I had. I liked so I fill some baskets with the tiny blue wine bottles I had. Yes, I have a ton of glass in my house! Good thing I don't have the huge quakes they have in Cali! Anyways, I would like to get into some glitter and Christmas origami too. I have an idea about 'fear not' that I need to collect 'fear not' verses. I want to somehow share it with my family.
Ahh, I have soooo many visions of sugar plums dancing in my head! ♬
I have already spent many of my nights being festive with what things I have around the house. I have always loved the idea of having glass ornament bulbs in a bowl or tall glass cylinder. I don't have the regular sized bulbs so instead I used miniature sparkling water glass bottles I had. I liked so I fill some baskets with the tiny blue wine bottles I had. Yes, I have a ton of glass in my house! Good thing I don't have the huge quakes they have in Cali! Anyways, I would like to get into some glitter and Christmas origami too. I have an idea about 'fear not' that I need to collect 'fear not' verses. I want to somehow share it with my family.
Ahh, I have soooo many visions of sugar plums dancing in my head! ♬
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Australia !
I would give this movie a rating of 10. Unfortunately, I am just getting around to writing about it since I did see this movie Thanksgiving Day where I did get both my mom and dad to go see it. (My own life has been weary and too fast. It is frustrating to be over loaded at work with layoffs and the fear of no job in the future. Mixed messages. So my thoughts go on whirling away without being able to jot them down and exhale through writing. I must remedy!)
This movie is full of tragedy and triumph. So it might be possible that you might need to bring a kleenx even though I did not shed a tear. I have decided that I did have tear leakage was because I have had enough crying over a man from down under. Why cry when here I could drink in all that this movie could give me and where I could delight in what Aussie knowledge I did know. See America is my home but Australia is a second most favorite place. You know you have places you would like to go see and then come home. You just want to experience it for a time. Then I believe there are places that you have love ones in where you want to experience a place because of them. You want to see what this place that has effected them even shaped them. This is what Australia is to me. I want to know and someday be able to experience this place as if I was there living. It would make me feel closer to him - to wear his shoes and travel his path a bit ... to understand.
I was most excited about knowing as much Australia as I did like the boab poison tree and Aussie words like digger (Aussie solder) etc. I even had heard about the Kimberly's before seeing the movie. I even knew where Darwin was on the Aussie map. I think I have always had an interest in Australia and it first began with words - I discovered an Aussie dictionary where I preceded to photocopy it so I could have a personal copy! Then I developed some friendships (even had a set up group date in college with the lone aussie there. Funny, I don't think we even talked to each other. However, now days I would know exactly what to say and he probably would run away thinking I was very much a crazy yank!) Now days I keep in touch with Australia or a certain place in Australia by a local paper there and by weather maps.
Here I am talking about everything but the movie! Well, the movie takes place in WWII. A British lady goes to Australia to bring her husband back home. She seems so prim and proper that you are surprised that she quickly feels the pain in others. Oh, how I love her grit! She is a fighter! Not the verbal kind but a fighter for what is right! Like our own history with the American Indians, Australia has history with the Aboriginal people. What I like most is that she fights for the underdog even if she is messy in her way. She throws out culture even though she is high bred. What is most important is the person. Well, through it all, she falls in love with Australia. Oh yes, there is a love story here! Got to have in an epic!
Baz Luhrnmanm - creator and director of Australia says, ''You cannot really possess anything; not land, not a person, not a child. All that you do possess at the end of your life is your story.'' There is truth here but there is more truth that is missing here. All that you possess at the end of your life is your story, but you have the choice to possess His Word and Everlasting Life. Having His Word keeps me going when I know I cannot keep a friendship with a fellow believer down under. Even when my story has an unraveling when he up and vanished is a big reminder that that stories do intertwine... and come undone. Own your story. Choose Everlasting Life. Own His Word. Because when you arrive on Heaven's Shore, God the Master Story Teller will show you your story and how it intertwined and affected other stories that you did not know like in "It's a Wonderful Life.''
sighs....
This movie is full of tragedy and triumph. So it might be possible that you might need to bring a kleenx even though I did not shed a tear. I have decided that I did have tear leakage was because I have had enough crying over a man from down under. Why cry when here I could drink in all that this movie could give me and where I could delight in what Aussie knowledge I did know. See America is my home but Australia is a second most favorite place. You know you have places you would like to go see and then come home. You just want to experience it for a time. Then I believe there are places that you have love ones in where you want to experience a place because of them. You want to see what this place that has effected them even shaped them. This is what Australia is to me. I want to know and someday be able to experience this place as if I was there living. It would make me feel closer to him - to wear his shoes and travel his path a bit ... to understand.
I was most excited about knowing as much Australia as I did like the boab poison tree and Aussie words like digger (Aussie solder) etc. I even had heard about the Kimberly's before seeing the movie. I even knew where Darwin was on the Aussie map. I think I have always had an interest in Australia and it first began with words - I discovered an Aussie dictionary where I preceded to photocopy it so I could have a personal copy! Then I developed some friendships (even had a set up group date in college with the lone aussie there. Funny, I don't think we even talked to each other. However, now days I would know exactly what to say and he probably would run away thinking I was very much a crazy yank!) Now days I keep in touch with Australia or a certain place in Australia by a local paper there and by weather maps.
Here I am talking about everything but the movie! Well, the movie takes place in WWII. A British lady goes to Australia to bring her husband back home. She seems so prim and proper that you are surprised that she quickly feels the pain in others. Oh, how I love her grit! She is a fighter! Not the verbal kind but a fighter for what is right! Like our own history with the American Indians, Australia has history with the Aboriginal people. What I like most is that she fights for the underdog even if she is messy in her way. She throws out culture even though she is high bred. What is most important is the person. Well, through it all, she falls in love with Australia. Oh yes, there is a love story here! Got to have in an epic!
Baz Luhrnmanm - creator and director of Australia says, ''You cannot really possess anything; not land, not a person, not a child. All that you do possess at the end of your life is your story.'' There is truth here but there is more truth that is missing here. All that you possess at the end of your life is your story, but you have the choice to possess His Word and Everlasting Life. Having His Word keeps me going when I know I cannot keep a friendship with a fellow believer down under. Even when my story has an unraveling when he up and vanished is a big reminder that that stories do intertwine... and come undone. Own your story. Choose Everlasting Life. Own His Word. Because when you arrive on Heaven's Shore, God the Master Story Teller will show you your story and how it intertwined and affected other stories that you did not know like in "It's a Wonderful Life.''
sighs....
Thursday, December 11, 2008
LIFE!
After having a very heated argument over pro-life or pro-choice, God has been bring life/death situations and His Word to my attention. Like the a father in England emailing his children in the States about his choosing the assisted suicide in Sweden and having it viewed on the web for all to see. A previous assisted suicide was either a soccer or ruby player also of England who was paralyzed at the neck down and decide it wasn't worth living anymore. Just sad. I have to give a disclaimer here. I am very empathic and what I mean is that I lean in and listen to people's life stories and passions. Then I try on their shoes and walk in their path. So life to me isn't a cheap and easy answer.
A co-worker told me about her husband's fast moving cancer that claimed his life in a matter of 11 months! I couldn't help but have some private and personal questions about how much I would do to save my life if I was facing a cancer monster. Would I go through all the 'treatments' to have it claim my life anyways? Then I felt very conflicted over these suicides..
Then God reminded me of His Blessing for us when we choose life. ''See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in His Ways, and to keep His commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to His Voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and He will give you many years in the land He swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. ~Duet 30:15-20 No it isn't easy but remember God has given us Joni who after a diving accident that broke her neck leaving her paralyzed to this day. It has not been easy yet she choose life! I will have to dig out her book but I do think she thought of ending it all. Not so anymore. Look at the blessing God has poured into her life!
Now if I can harbor this Word in my heart so that it flows out naturally when an old friend calls me, maybe she will see God and see how precious life truly is ....
A little side note that in a way fits here because choosing life is obeying .. I found a recent saying that I wish I had in my growing up years. 'Obedience brings blessing. Disobedience brings punishment.' Do you know that the best way to love God is to obey?
A co-worker told me about her husband's fast moving cancer that claimed his life in a matter of 11 months! I couldn't help but have some private and personal questions about how much I would do to save my life if I was facing a cancer monster. Would I go through all the 'treatments' to have it claim my life anyways? Then I felt very conflicted over these suicides..
Then God reminded me of His Blessing for us when we choose life. ''See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in His Ways, and to keep His commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to His Voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and He will give you many years in the land He swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. ~Duet 30:15-20 No it isn't easy but remember God has given us Joni who after a diving accident that broke her neck leaving her paralyzed to this day. It has not been easy yet she choose life! I will have to dig out her book but I do think she thought of ending it all. Not so anymore. Look at the blessing God has poured into her life!
Now if I can harbor this Word in my heart so that it flows out naturally when an old friend calls me, maybe she will see God and see how precious life truly is ....
A little side note that in a way fits here because choosing life is obeying .. I found a recent saying that I wish I had in my growing up years. 'Obedience brings blessing. Disobedience brings punishment.' Do you know that the best way to love God is to obey?
seek & you shall find ...
As I am wanting closure to a relationship and taking it back again and as I have taken stock of my own personal growth, could it be that instead of asking for understanding and getting none that I should be asking for wisdom? Proverbs is all about Wisdom but it is also about understanding. So I am a little confused at where I am going with this.
I want understanding about a relationship disappearance but I highly doubt I will ever get that understanding. So how is asking for wisdom any better? Maybe as being a single girl who is unique and whole, I should act like it and the wisdom might just fall into place with Psalms 9:10 ''.. those who know Your Name will put their trust in You; for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.'' Seeking His Right Ways and doing them is doing God's Will. It is solid no second guessing. I think I have gotten distracted by asking what shall I do questions and going by what I felt... than actually stopping the questions and do what God requires of me. He made it sooooo plain and obvious! Then the stuff of earth won't confuse me and the stuff of emotions won't give way.
''I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me diligently will find Me,'' says Wisdom (prov 8:17) So how do you seek so that you will find overflowing treasure? God's Word! - the best Love Letter ever...
I want understanding about a relationship disappearance but I highly doubt I will ever get that understanding. So how is asking for wisdom any better? Maybe as being a single girl who is unique and whole, I should act like it and the wisdom might just fall into place with Psalms 9:10 ''.. those who know Your Name will put their trust in You; for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.'' Seeking His Right Ways and doing them is doing God's Will. It is solid no second guessing. I think I have gotten distracted by asking what shall I do questions and going by what I felt... than actually stopping the questions and do what God requires of me. He made it sooooo plain and obvious! Then the stuff of earth won't confuse me and the stuff of emotions won't give way.
''I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me diligently will find Me,'' says Wisdom (prov 8:17) So how do you seek so that you will find overflowing treasure? God's Word! - the best Love Letter ever...
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
whole!
I was listening to a lady speaker on BNN who used the definition of single as separate, unique, & whole. This thought coupled with the thought of wondering if I could be 'confident' of who I am with no striving whatsoever if I would happen to be in a male relationship - have I learned to be happy with me and my God-Placement without wanting more or companionship?
Sighs. I think I am tainted because of a relationship that I had that was so good but is gone without closure. Right now I am so waffling between so many questions without any answers. All I have is talking back 'I shall not want' to 'forget what lies behind and lay hold to what lies ahead' but my heart keeps looking back ... I cannot be a Lot's wife.... God has too much good for me to want lest than the best....
{Shhh heart .. you don't know if what you had was the best....}
Sighs. I think I am tainted because of a relationship that I had that was so good but is gone without closure. Right now I am so waffling between so many questions without any answers. All I have is talking back 'I shall not want' to 'forget what lies behind and lay hold to what lies ahead' but my heart keeps looking back ... I cannot be a Lot's wife.... God has too much good for me to want lest than the best....
{Shhh heart .. you don't know if what you had was the best....}
Saturday, December 06, 2008
snowy calm ...
It is Saturday and the calendar says December. The snow is flying and the temp has dipped into the teens and twenties. This Christmas is promising to be calmer and more about the home as the work is rocketing downwards. I have the last two weeks off and I am lucky to have 7 days of holiday pay for it. Then back to work to finish inventory. After that I am not sure what will happen. It doesn't look good and the fear at work is beginning to show.
I am thankful for the time off this month and will take it to make things I have been wanting to make. I am also going to spend it organizing my personal life to make it more productive. I have Christmas gifts I attend to make and I really need to some creative brainstorming for the possible job loss ahead. I have really wanted to write and feel so lacking because it has been about work and surviving at such a fast pace. That is why I am so looking forward to slowing down.
Today has been so picture perfect every time I look outside. Snow flying, homes lit up, music playing, kids making snow angles - night falls and the snow still flies...
I am thankful for the time off this month and will take it to make things I have been wanting to make. I am also going to spend it organizing my personal life to make it more productive. I have Christmas gifts I attend to make and I really need to some creative brainstorming for the possible job loss ahead. I have really wanted to write and feel so lacking because it has been about work and surviving at such a fast pace. That is why I am so looking forward to slowing down.
Today has been so picture perfect every time I look outside. Snow flying, homes lit up, music playing, kids making snow angles - night falls and the snow still flies...
Thanksgiving Sparrows ...
I had this overwhelming need to Thank God for Sparrows and I wanted to share with the whole family. There are little ones around the table and not enough quiet to share. I am not one that feels comfortable leading and need someone to start. So after looking at my origami books, I folded a sparrow for each family member with their name on the front as a name card and then put Scripture references (II Tim 1:7, Isa 43, Luke 12) with a verse out of Luke 12 written out ' Do not FEAR therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows '. When the table was cleared I made sure I tucked the sparrows in their personal belongings just encase they might want to have it as a reminder for later...
Here is a letter I got from little bro:
Sis,
I have been meaning to get this email off to you...
With everything going on at the dinner table (Lucia and Ethen) I did not get a chance to express how special I think the sparrows you made are. I am not sure if each had a different verse, but mine seemed personalized. Thank you for the time and energy that you put into them and ultimately put into our family. Family is important. I know it may not always seem that I think that, but I do. It gets difficult juggling fatherhood, husbandhood, studenthood, child-of-Godhood, and brotherhood, and sonhood. I think hearing what you expereinced at Paul's viewing and then the ackwardness I felt at Wilma's viewing and then standing in the hospital hearing the doctor tell Grandma Erma the end of her life is near, has got me thinking about the importance of family.
I love you!
little bro
Yes!!!! So here was my opportunity to share more ...
Dear little bro,
Thank you for sharing with me about your thoughts on my thanksgiving sparrows. I have so much to say and have no outlet to do these little creative things of bearing witness to God. I am not a mom nor did I want to be but of recent I have been having 'mom' thoughts and been figuring out how I would bear witness of God to kids and others. There is something to the reason of those thanksgiving sparrows...
In September my world began to change. Consolidating two companies meant that I had to give up my very small windowless office where I felt very secure and at peace with my little world. I could listen to BNN and get my fill of God's Word and hymns. On the outside it was a numbers world but on the inside I was just a growing in my sure Foundation, the Rock. I got word that I would be moving to a bigger office with one whole wall of window and that I would be sharing it with another. I didn't like this new info one bit. I already had one experience with an office mate and I didn't want another. I also was worried that BNN wouldn't come in or that it would offend the office mate. My office is right by the water cooler and everybody would say 'how do you rate with a big office and a window to boot!' I would get so mad because having a window isn't the most important thing on my mind! Grrrrrr....
Then in the still of the afternoon sparrows would come and peck around by the window. It was God telling me that I was important and special even when changes make you feel less important. The day before the big news of the 8% pay cut, the sparrows were again at the window. Again God was saying look at those sparrows and see that they do not worry about food or clothes. I am more value than these special little birds and God will provide. He has taken me through one job loss and He will take me through another. Today the news is even more bleaker but in Hebrews 10 & 11 it says: ' without FAITH it is impossible to please Him! ' & 'do not cast away your Confidence, which has great reward.' It doesn't mean I don't feel scared but I am right back standing tall and talking back with God's Word, Promise, & Blessing to the enemy!
I always try to have a yearly theme and sometimes I don't start the year with one in mind like this year. God has given me one: FEAR NOT! So I have begun to throw away the spirit of timidity and I am trying to be bold in speaking out with encouragement. I think it is my gift even when I don't feel it is going anywhere.... like with the thanksgiving sparrows so HUGE HUG and thank you for giving me a vote of confidence with the birds. (Do you know that God never tells us to fear anything but He Himself? He is always saying to fear not and to take courage.)
What is amazing with God's Word that is so different with man's words is that it is given to all of us but it is personalized for each individual. I can use His Word to pray for others and to encourage even when I don't know what someone else might be facing or going through. So whenever you see sparrows or any bird for that matter and hear their songs, you the child of the King can sing for all your little heart can pump out! Reading all of Hebrews 11 you will see that we are longing for a homeland not here, a heavenly country. We are not alone. We are surrounded by such a huge family - not just the ones written in the Bible but those of us here and loved ones far away and ones freshly on Heaven's shore. We are all connected even when it feels like we are so alone... Keep running the race with the sparrow's song fresh on your heart and mind and your soul will soar!
To Thanksgiving Sparrows!
always sis
Here is a letter I got from little bro:
Sis,
I have been meaning to get this email off to you...
With everything going on at the dinner table (Lucia and Ethen) I did not get a chance to express how special I think the sparrows you made are. I am not sure if each had a different verse, but mine seemed personalized. Thank you for the time and energy that you put into them and ultimately put into our family. Family is important. I know it may not always seem that I think that, but I do. It gets difficult juggling fatherhood, husbandhood, studenthood, child-of-Godhood, and brotherhood, and sonhood. I think hearing what you expereinced at Paul's viewing and then the ackwardness I felt at Wilma's viewing and then standing in the hospital hearing the doctor tell Grandma Erma the end of her life is near, has got me thinking about the importance of family.
I love you!
little bro
Yes!!!! So here was my opportunity to share more ...
Dear little bro,
Thank you for sharing with me about your thoughts on my thanksgiving sparrows. I have so much to say and have no outlet to do these little creative things of bearing witness to God. I am not a mom nor did I want to be but of recent I have been having 'mom' thoughts and been figuring out how I would bear witness of God to kids and others. There is something to the reason of those thanksgiving sparrows...
In September my world began to change. Consolidating two companies meant that I had to give up my very small windowless office where I felt very secure and at peace with my little world. I could listen to BNN and get my fill of God's Word and hymns. On the outside it was a numbers world but on the inside I was just a growing in my sure Foundation, the Rock. I got word that I would be moving to a bigger office with one whole wall of window and that I would be sharing it with another. I didn't like this new info one bit. I already had one experience with an office mate and I didn't want another. I also was worried that BNN wouldn't come in or that it would offend the office mate. My office is right by the water cooler and everybody would say 'how do you rate with a big office and a window to boot!' I would get so mad because having a window isn't the most important thing on my mind! Grrrrrr....
Then in the still of the afternoon sparrows would come and peck around by the window. It was God telling me that I was important and special even when changes make you feel less important. The day before the big news of the 8% pay cut, the sparrows were again at the window. Again God was saying look at those sparrows and see that they do not worry about food or clothes. I am more value than these special little birds and God will provide. He has taken me through one job loss and He will take me through another. Today the news is even more bleaker but in Hebrews 10 & 11 it says: ' without FAITH it is impossible to please Him! ' & 'do not cast away your Confidence, which has great reward.' It doesn't mean I don't feel scared but I am right back standing tall and talking back with God's Word, Promise, & Blessing to the enemy!
I always try to have a yearly theme and sometimes I don't start the year with one in mind like this year. God has given me one: FEAR NOT! So I have begun to throw away the spirit of timidity and I am trying to be bold in speaking out with encouragement. I think it is my gift even when I don't feel it is going anywhere.... like with the thanksgiving sparrows so HUGE HUG and thank you for giving me a vote of confidence with the birds. (Do you know that God never tells us to fear anything but He Himself? He is always saying to fear not and to take courage.)
What is amazing with God's Word that is so different with man's words is that it is given to all of us but it is personalized for each individual. I can use His Word to pray for others and to encourage even when I don't know what someone else might be facing or going through. So whenever you see sparrows or any bird for that matter and hear their songs, you the child of the King can sing for all your little heart can pump out! Reading all of Hebrews 11 you will see that we are longing for a homeland not here, a heavenly country. We are not alone. We are surrounded by such a huge family - not just the ones written in the Bible but those of us here and loved ones far away and ones freshly on Heaven's shore. We are all connected even when it feels like we are so alone... Keep running the race with the sparrow's song fresh on your heart and mind and your soul will soar!
To Thanksgiving Sparrows!
always sis
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
lame duck ..
ARgh! This is a calmer more my style of dealing with a conversation with an old high school friend who is Vietnamese and doesn't believe that God should be in every part of your life. She wants to talk politics and faith yet will not listen so the talk gets very elevated so much so that I told her that she had better change the subject more than one time before she finally did so. I dread her calls because it is such a fight. The only time I truly enjoyed our talk was the last time she talked about Nicholas Sparks because she fell in love with his books... So here is my cathartic response if I could since I am such a lame duck when it comes to 'fighting'.
I am sorry but my vote is my vote and I have the right to keep it to myself as this is a basic right that the government has given me. I don't even have to share with you what party I favor. Voting is my choice not what I think people in general might think or choose. My vote is not limiting the general thinking; it is just a vote of my choice in the direction I think and want my country to follow. I do not care if the general thinking that a woman has a right to choose whether or not to kill her baby by calling it abortion. It is my choice to honor life because God created life and like a master creating a masterpiece that masterpiece had better reflect the master. That is how I see life. I will not go with the general thinking that about pro-choice. I will honor God and respect life. I tried very hard to show you all aspect of this issue. Funny how you agreed with me that abortion was a selfish choice yet you continue to your barrage of it is the general thinking. Thinking about this makes me think you were trying to make me feel bad about my choice. When I could get no where with you, I told you that you had better change the subject. I do not 'fight' well at all because I come from a 'feelers' place or maybe I should say empathic. I am all over with my points and cannot make it tight and convincing. After I had the holiday weekend to feel upset and bad about the conversation, a radio preacher repeated a point that we christians tend to fight the symptoms instead of pointing to the solution. I told God that I don't understand why I keep failing with this old friend. Why else is she always calling me? Isn't God waiting to bear witness of Him to her?
I wish I could tell her that I refuse to strive with her because it is wrong for me to be of quarrelsome manner. No fire. No wood! I don't know how to pack pleasant words because she is always high pitch and I cannot function at that level. I don't know how to steer the conversation in such a matter that it doesn't focus on worldly symptoms but focus on the God-Solution. I know that my vote is not a solution but rather a voice of how I would like my government to be run. Remember this is suppose to be the government by the people and for the people but my vote is and will be govern by what I feel will honor God the most. It must not honor man. The founding fathers gave us the right to vote and they based every part of this government on God and His Word! This whole thing about faith and founding fathers would be lost on her because she Vietnamese and they believe in god through honoring dead relatives. I know she asks me about my politics and my faith because she doesn't know and understand and wants to - like she is always asking me English grammar. She isn't afraid to try with English but when it comes to politics and faith, she wants to be like others in general and I feel and know that politics and especially faith is personal. I really just need to be a lighthouse...
I kind of have a running conversation with God about having someone to hone my 'fighting' skills with. See, I used to have a great someone in my life who really knew how to bring out my thinking without getting me in a meltdown contention. That someone left and then I found a great book called Quiet Leadership that really helped me with myself but turning toward others, I am finding it harder to switch on even though I love asking question which is the whole point of Quiet Leadership where you ask questions to honor their thinking yet you make them do all the work so that you don't tell them what to do which I loathe so others would loathe too. Anyways that someone I think would have been a good one to practice with because he already has it without reading the book!
Maybe I am to forget about honing my fighting skills and be the lighthouse. Lighthouse never saved the day. It only shines -warning of danger....
Still figuring it out....
I am sorry but my vote is my vote and I have the right to keep it to myself as this is a basic right that the government has given me. I don't even have to share with you what party I favor. Voting is my choice not what I think people in general might think or choose. My vote is not limiting the general thinking; it is just a vote of my choice in the direction I think and want my country to follow. I do not care if the general thinking that a woman has a right to choose whether or not to kill her baby by calling it abortion. It is my choice to honor life because God created life and like a master creating a masterpiece that masterpiece had better reflect the master. That is how I see life. I will not go with the general thinking that about pro-choice. I will honor God and respect life. I tried very hard to show you all aspect of this issue. Funny how you agreed with me that abortion was a selfish choice yet you continue to your barrage of it is the general thinking. Thinking about this makes me think you were trying to make me feel bad about my choice. When I could get no where with you, I told you that you had better change the subject. I do not 'fight' well at all because I come from a 'feelers' place or maybe I should say empathic. I am all over with my points and cannot make it tight and convincing. After I had the holiday weekend to feel upset and bad about the conversation, a radio preacher repeated a point that we christians tend to fight the symptoms instead of pointing to the solution. I told God that I don't understand why I keep failing with this old friend. Why else is she always calling me? Isn't God waiting to bear witness of Him to her?
I wish I could tell her that I refuse to strive with her because it is wrong for me to be of quarrelsome manner. No fire. No wood! I don't know how to pack pleasant words because she is always high pitch and I cannot function at that level. I don't know how to steer the conversation in such a matter that it doesn't focus on worldly symptoms but focus on the God-Solution. I know that my vote is not a solution but rather a voice of how I would like my government to be run. Remember this is suppose to be the government by the people and for the people but my vote is and will be govern by what I feel will honor God the most. It must not honor man. The founding fathers gave us the right to vote and they based every part of this government on God and His Word! This whole thing about faith and founding fathers would be lost on her because she Vietnamese and they believe in god through honoring dead relatives. I know she asks me about my politics and my faith because she doesn't know and understand and wants to - like she is always asking me English grammar. She isn't afraid to try with English but when it comes to politics and faith, she wants to be like others in general and I feel and know that politics and especially faith is personal. I really just need to be a lighthouse...
I kind of have a running conversation with God about having someone to hone my 'fighting' skills with. See, I used to have a great someone in my life who really knew how to bring out my thinking without getting me in a meltdown contention. That someone left and then I found a great book called Quiet Leadership that really helped me with myself but turning toward others, I am finding it harder to switch on even though I love asking question which is the whole point of Quiet Leadership where you ask questions to honor their thinking yet you make them do all the work so that you don't tell them what to do which I loathe so others would loathe too. Anyways that someone I think would have been a good one to practice with because he already has it without reading the book!
Maybe I am to forget about honing my fighting skills and be the lighthouse. Lighthouse never saved the day. It only shines -warning of danger....
Still figuring it out....
Thursday, November 27, 2008
my thank yous '08
* sparrows * My work life has been in much turmoil and there has been a lot of changes. I had a very small windowless office where I could work quietly and listen to BBN. Here I could feed my soul on God and do a good job. Now I share a bigger office with a window. I hated the commits of how do I rate and wow, you are lucky to have a window. Those things are not important. Rather a quiet and team spirit work space is what I want. Then the sparrows began to gather in the afternoons reminding me that God cares for me. * pears * Dad has one pear tree that gave a ton of fruit this year. I have been making pear sauce and pear butter. Love it because this is something I can eat. * God's Word * I have fallen more in love with His Word. Whenever I am struggling or even in good times, there is such comfort in His Words. * the boys * The fury boys! My PUPINATORS! Tink has joined Bobby and Andy and even though he is the one boy out, it has been successful for him to be at home with my parents and the boys. Tink knows he is loved and even with his barking when someone leaves, he is a joy. * Friday shopping w/ my Mom * I cherish these times with my Mom. I could not do without. She is a great Mom and a great friend. * my parents * I love them both and this year I have seen my Dad blossom with enjoying what he has done. This turns into respect for guys and it has been great fun to see it in him. Dad has gone Fireproof with Mom and I. I totally dig it. We might even go see Australia w/ Dad in tow. I love spending time with them both. * my bros & their fams * I am an Aunt thanks to my bros. It is fun to see them as fathers and it is cool to see myself/ family traits in their children. I love it when my bros talk about God. It is encouragement to know they are on a God-Journey. * my job * Even though this job is about numbers and I am about words, I have used my patterns and organization to really take on my job. There are changes that are suggested to come to past. Not happy that my hard work to make my job fast and efficient will be overlooked - I made my job easier once and I can do it again. I am trying to take what I have learned from making my job work for me and translate it to my creative home and dream job. * God * He has proven Himself over and over again. I am precious (Isa 43) to Him. Love that...
Ps 147:1
Praise the Lord!
For it is good to sing praises to our God;
for it is pleasant,
and praise is beautiful.
Ps 147:1
Praise the Lord!
For it is good to sing praises to our God;
for it is pleasant,
and praise is beautiful.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
2 bros ...
I learned a good thing about one bro and a worrisome thing about the other. We had a birthday celebration going on last Sunday and while the others where in the back with the grandchildren, I started a conversation with little bro. I am so hungry for depth and meaningful conversation and in the past little bro has been a good ally. Not so much these days as his life has taken off in other directions and there is no need for a big sis butting into his biz. The conversation did get a bit heated because it got into politics and he was all up in this book by John Grisham and CONSPIRACY THEORIES. He probably thinks I am heated over the fact that he didn't vote but I can't do anything about that. What really makes me livid is that he let some CONSPIRACY THEORY effect his decision or lack of decision making skills. I spent the last 8 years in prayer and turmoil over negative media reports to know that if I give into that negative depressive mostly wrong garbage that I have let the enemy in. I have the control to shut out this trash. I have been on this kick this year that God has never ever stated in His Love Letter to us that we should be depressed, discouraged, deflated, indecisive, afraid, or timid. Instead He has repeated over and over in word and story that we are NOT to be afraid but to be encouraged or of good courage or not to be afraid. Sunday night listening to Joyce Meyer, I got the verse to top this line of thought. II Timothy 1:7 states ''for God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power, love, and SOUND MIND.'' WooooWeeeee, I spent the next two days on my little soap box a shouting!!! Just need some amens... I wanted to restart this discussion with little bro. He made mention that he had asked for direction from God and didn't get it. This is worrisome because what was he listening for? Did he want his gut pacified? And where was he listening for God? Did he read the Bible until he found the encouragement he needed?
Middle bro walked into the conversation and little bro had left the room. Middle bro began to share that his preacher was talking about the power of prayer and the need for it to surround the President. I told bro that GWB probably had the biggest prayer support than any other president. Bro said yes, but when the war and all the negative media began, the prayer warriors got fickle and stopped and so did the help surrounding GWB. We don't pay attention to the powers of darkness because our eyes are veiled. Wait till we get to Heaven and God shows us the prayer (light) and the powers of darkness. We will be filled with shame and sadness that we where not stronger. God wants us to pray and He uses our prayer to destroy the evil. We have more 'prayerpower' then we know.
I was disappointed and standing on a soap box for one bro while the other bro encouraged me by his disclosure about prayer. He says he prays on his way to work every day and that he was convicted to change his praying from his want list to prayers that effect his world.
Q's
How much time do you spend praying? Isn't our relationship with God a relationship? Doesn't a relationship require two people talking? Doesn't prayer mean our talking to God? Doesn't reading the Bible mean it is God talking to us? Does your prayer time out weigh your Bible reading? At the very least shouldn't your Bible reading equal time with your prayer? Are you listening for God to speak to you? Shouldn't you be listening to God's voice via the WORD?
Middle bro walked into the conversation and little bro had left the room. Middle bro began to share that his preacher was talking about the power of prayer and the need for it to surround the President. I told bro that GWB probably had the biggest prayer support than any other president. Bro said yes, but when the war and all the negative media began, the prayer warriors got fickle and stopped and so did the help surrounding GWB. We don't pay attention to the powers of darkness because our eyes are veiled. Wait till we get to Heaven and God shows us the prayer (light) and the powers of darkness. We will be filled with shame and sadness that we where not stronger. God wants us to pray and He uses our prayer to destroy the evil. We have more 'prayerpower' then we know.
I was disappointed and standing on a soap box for one bro while the other bro encouraged me by his disclosure about prayer. He says he prays on his way to work every day and that he was convicted to change his praying from his want list to prayers that effect his world.
Q's
How much time do you spend praying? Isn't our relationship with God a relationship? Doesn't a relationship require two people talking? Doesn't prayer mean our talking to God? Doesn't reading the Bible mean it is God talking to us? Does your prayer time out weigh your Bible reading? At the very least shouldn't your Bible reading equal time with your prayer? Are you listening for God to speak to you? Shouldn't you be listening to God's voice via the WORD?
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Are You not ...?
I always love a good outline for a letter. Letters are important way to communicate. You are alone with your thoughts and you are forming thought into words and trying to reach out. Prayer is like letter. Ravi pointed out that Johoshaphat's prayer took on a form and questioned what we would put into our letter/prayer to God.
~II Chronicles 20:1-30 for your own read~
Dear God,
Are You not _____________?
Did You not _____________?
Will You not _____________?
from me.
I love having something to chew on and this really makes you think and seek out God in His Word. It makes you look at the Great Stories of Promise and Blessing and pull them into your life. It is 'talking back' the Word. It is putting your faith on the line and then seeing God work His way in your life.
~II Chronicles 20:1-30 for your own read~
Dear God,
Are You not _____________?
Did You not _____________?
Will You not _____________?
from me.
I love having something to chew on and this really makes you think and seek out God in His Word. It makes you look at the Great Stories of Promise and Blessing and pull them into your life. It is 'talking back' the Word. It is putting your faith on the line and then seeing God work His way in your life.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
love's experience ...
There she is going through the motions of her day with old cds playing in the background of love found and love lost. Questions start piling up. Do boys really fall in love where they can't live without their girl? Do boys get messed up over love lost? She watches a tv show only for the relationship of the boy and the girl who are married. They have such a lovely relationship. This week showed more intensely the boy's side of love. Tears where streaming down the girl's face as she watched the pain the boy was going through and how he didn't want to leave his girl. Can boys really feel this way? Then there are those love lost songs that boys sing. Her favorite singers are boys. She loves the male voice. And when they belt out a song that is ripping their hearts out over some girl, she wonders if this is really true for them to feel this way. Guys write this stuff, don't they? They sing it and if they are convincing wouldn't they feel it deeply? Can boys really feel this way?
Sadly, this girl's heart has been broken a long bit ago and clearly hasn't found a way to believe again. She is angered by this yet she can't let go of what was. There was no reason, no closure, no understanding. Over and over again she has asked for Ultimate Wisdom and still feels the need to hold on ... for a return or for closure.
She has a lot of good memories and none bad except the vanishing. She can't enjoy the good memories but rejection hurts so badly. Funny thing is that she holds on the experience because it is her way of relating to connection and marriage in her way. She feels that longing and desire and the only way for her to have and to hold is to use this a little bit of experience and live it. She isn't living in the past but using the experience to relate to her now. What would she do in this situation? See, she is empathic - always living in other's shoes. She is a feeler. Having this experience of once upon a time, she lives singles and married of sorts. It is that caring for a man bit that she harbors. If a boy won't let her, she will still do it...
So maybe that is why closure hasn't come to her and maybe in her little heart of hers, closure would be shutting the door leaving her to fend for herself in the single world again where she really feels like a fish without a bowl.
{sighs}
Sadly, this girl's heart has been broken a long bit ago and clearly hasn't found a way to believe again. She is angered by this yet she can't let go of what was. There was no reason, no closure, no understanding. Over and over again she has asked for Ultimate Wisdom and still feels the need to hold on ... for a return or for closure.
She has a lot of good memories and none bad except the vanishing. She can't enjoy the good memories but rejection hurts so badly. Funny thing is that she holds on the experience because it is her way of relating to connection and marriage in her way. She feels that longing and desire and the only way for her to have and to hold is to use this a little bit of experience and live it. She isn't living in the past but using the experience to relate to her now. What would she do in this situation? See, she is empathic - always living in other's shoes. She is a feeler. Having this experience of once upon a time, she lives singles and married of sorts. It is that caring for a man bit that she harbors. If a boy won't let her, she will still do it...
So maybe that is why closure hasn't come to her and maybe in her little heart of hers, closure would be shutting the door leaving her to fend for herself in the single world again where she really feels like a fish without a bowl.
{sighs}
Thursday, November 13, 2008
stuffed cabbage ...
Feeling under the weather and not liking it a bit, I am trying anything natural to get over this. I so do not want to make a trip into the doc for this. It would be the second time this year if I do. What really makes me mad is that I don't get sick very often and this blows my very good record. I swear it is the bosses at work that get this powerful bug and pass it along to me.
My colds effect my throat because for some reason it goes down the back of my mouth instead of draining through the nose. However, it both ways this time. I lost my voice in May and I am well on my this time. I went into the ugly cough today. It is a cough that I can't stop and then it goes into the upchucking mode. It isn't good when I go to church with this. Last May I am trying to stifle the cough and I pulled a muscle on my right side and it is still there because it gets uncomfortable to lay on that side. Oh well!
I heard Bonnie Hunt say something about onions or onion soup - I think it was her and I think it was onions! It is suppose to help with the cold. Well, I have dumped a ton of them on my food tonight. I do feel much better than last night.
I got home early today and decided to make stuffed cabbage since I can't have stuffed peppers. It took a bit of time to make them but they are in the crock pot for tomorrow. I hope they turn out well. I did add pear to the meat mixture and barley instead of the forbidden rice. Martha said to use a granny smith apple but I have pears and more pears so what would be the difference? It just adds a bit of sweetness to it.
I am trying to take care of me! I want to feel better this weekend because I have pears and washing to do among other things like writing!
My colds effect my throat because for some reason it goes down the back of my mouth instead of draining through the nose. However, it both ways this time. I lost my voice in May and I am well on my this time. I went into the ugly cough today. It is a cough that I can't stop and then it goes into the upchucking mode. It isn't good when I go to church with this. Last May I am trying to stifle the cough and I pulled a muscle on my right side and it is still there because it gets uncomfortable to lay on that side. Oh well!
I heard Bonnie Hunt say something about onions or onion soup - I think it was her and I think it was onions! It is suppose to help with the cold. Well, I have dumped a ton of them on my food tonight. I do feel much better than last night.
I got home early today and decided to make stuffed cabbage since I can't have stuffed peppers. It took a bit of time to make them but they are in the crock pot for tomorrow. I hope they turn out well. I did add pear to the meat mixture and barley instead of the forbidden rice. Martha said to use a granny smith apple but I have pears and more pears so what would be the difference? It just adds a bit of sweetness to it.
I am trying to take care of me! I want to feel better this weekend because I have pears and washing to do among other things like writing!
Sunday, November 09, 2008
like protecting...
The Protector
You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener with almost infinite patience.
You have complex feelings, and you take great care to express them.
In love, you see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow.
You enjoy relationships when they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation.
At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.
How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable
Hmm, interesting. I see this as true about me but the shocker is the last statement! I could see people having the notion that I might be stuck up so I have resorted to telling them that I am thinking when I am quiet and the eyes take on an intensity that looks like anger but is only way deep in thought. Manipulative? I go my own way and think my own thoughts so much so that stubborn is more descriptive. Unstable? Wow! I have begin to say that I need time to think but unstable? I am emotional and a feeler. So maybe then but I am pretty much set in my thoughts even though I might weigh other thoughts.... oops, maybe that is showing instability! lol
Pretty interesting test!
You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener with almost infinite patience.
You have complex feelings, and you take great care to express them.
In love, you see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow.
You enjoy relationships when they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation.
At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.
How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable
Hmm, interesting. I see this as true about me but the shocker is the last statement! I could see people having the notion that I might be stuck up so I have resorted to telling them that I am thinking when I am quiet and the eyes take on an intensity that looks like anger but is only way deep in thought. Manipulative? I go my own way and think my own thoughts so much so that stubborn is more descriptive. Unstable? Wow! I have begin to say that I need time to think but unstable? I am emotional and a feeler. So maybe then but I am pretty much set in my thoughts even though I might weigh other thoughts.... oops, maybe that is showing instability! lol
Pretty interesting test!
Saturday, November 08, 2008
family taboo ...
I have been having some debate with myself about my personality and what I should do about this alone existence that I seem to have but I am finding that it runs in the family. It is just me though that has to deal with it alone while other members of my family have mates and families of their own.
Going to the funeral of my Dad's cousin helped shed some light onto this sentry-on-the-out-skirts of type of feeling my mother and I have voiced aloud to each other. My Dad and his cousin have some Kenny Roger looks so you know they are related but our families never got together unless it is a funeral. I remember my mother telling me when I was going to junior high that I would be meeting a girl my age with the same last name as mine. (My last name is uniquely spelled and not common.). Mom said there was some taboo in the family and that our families didn't get together to do things. She never said that I couldn't be friends either. However, this girl ran a bit hard and was in the popular group. I was always aware of her but she never seemed to be aware of me until standing beside each other in line practicing our graduation walk where she remarked that it was funny that we didn't meet until then. A year latter I got an obituary of her death from my mom while I was at college. She was an only child and when I got back home to see her grave site, you could tell her parents where not taking it well. I have always felt bad around them that she was gone while I was still here. In recent years as my grandpa, grandma, and grandpa's brothers including my Dad's cousin's father died, the mom would always make feel ok though we never spoke about her girl.
Mom called and told me that Dad's cousin had died of stomach cancer on Tuesday. I knew I needed to go. Mom warned me that she felt left out at the visitation. When we went to the funeral, it felt weird to hear about the cousin's faith. The burial was super short and even though we were invited back for the meal, Dad asked Mom if it was right to skip it! I was very surprised at his struggle to go or not. We didn't go and I ventured to ask questions about the past. Dad opened up and explained why there has been so much taboo.
Back when my grandparents were first married, my grandpa had to serve in WWII even though he was a conscientious objector. He worked for the government in the states so while he was away, his brother which would be the cousin's father would tell my grandma what to do and would write letters to my grandpa telling of her misdeeds. While Dad is telling us this, I am thinking that my grandma was very stubborn that I am surprised that she didn't tell him off but our family does not speak out loud much rather they keep it in and deal with in more quiet ways. Anyways Dad said because of this, it was like Dad's family was ostracized from the rest. He remembers his grandfather always talking about the other grandsons but his grandfather never took any interest in him. He does remember going to his grandparents for Easter because he could remember his grandmother making lamb cookies with raisin eyes but never ever went to his grandparents for his birthday. My Dad remembers that his dad would go to see his mom but my grandma would not go. Just thinking about this makes me livid and sad.
Wow, no wonder why my family feels so isolated. We just don't fit in with the games people play. We can't win so why deal with it? If you like us and want to be a friend, we have open arms but we won't demand friendship or loyalty. We want to feel safe just like the rest. We want to contribute just like the rest. We want to be valued just like the rest. We want a little attention just like the rest - well, maybe a smidge less but a bit all the same. We are friendly just not game players. We are quiet and more one on one and we do feel a bit out of water when in loud and group situations. We definitely do not bite.
So if I get to see the wife of the cousin out and about alone, I will do just like she said and go up to her and say that I appreciated her and her husband that they were so very tight together and it hard to find marriages these days that stick together... I have worried about how she would handle his going home and I continue to worry. At the very least I have prayer. I will continue to be the sentry - keeper of moments and to bear witness...
Going to the funeral of my Dad's cousin helped shed some light onto this sentry-on-the-out-skirts of type of feeling my mother and I have voiced aloud to each other. My Dad and his cousin have some Kenny Roger looks so you know they are related but our families never got together unless it is a funeral. I remember my mother telling me when I was going to junior high that I would be meeting a girl my age with the same last name as mine. (My last name is uniquely spelled and not common.). Mom said there was some taboo in the family and that our families didn't get together to do things. She never said that I couldn't be friends either. However, this girl ran a bit hard and was in the popular group. I was always aware of her but she never seemed to be aware of me until standing beside each other in line practicing our graduation walk where she remarked that it was funny that we didn't meet until then. A year latter I got an obituary of her death from my mom while I was at college. She was an only child and when I got back home to see her grave site, you could tell her parents where not taking it well. I have always felt bad around them that she was gone while I was still here. In recent years as my grandpa, grandma, and grandpa's brothers including my Dad's cousin's father died, the mom would always make feel ok though we never spoke about her girl.
Mom called and told me that Dad's cousin had died of stomach cancer on Tuesday. I knew I needed to go. Mom warned me that she felt left out at the visitation. When we went to the funeral, it felt weird to hear about the cousin's faith. The burial was super short and even though we were invited back for the meal, Dad asked Mom if it was right to skip it! I was very surprised at his struggle to go or not. We didn't go and I ventured to ask questions about the past. Dad opened up and explained why there has been so much taboo.
Back when my grandparents were first married, my grandpa had to serve in WWII even though he was a conscientious objector. He worked for the government in the states so while he was away, his brother which would be the cousin's father would tell my grandma what to do and would write letters to my grandpa telling of her misdeeds. While Dad is telling us this, I am thinking that my grandma was very stubborn that I am surprised that she didn't tell him off but our family does not speak out loud much rather they keep it in and deal with in more quiet ways. Anyways Dad said because of this, it was like Dad's family was ostracized from the rest. He remembers his grandfather always talking about the other grandsons but his grandfather never took any interest in him. He does remember going to his grandparents for Easter because he could remember his grandmother making lamb cookies with raisin eyes but never ever went to his grandparents for his birthday. My Dad remembers that his dad would go to see his mom but my grandma would not go. Just thinking about this makes me livid and sad.
Wow, no wonder why my family feels so isolated. We just don't fit in with the games people play. We can't win so why deal with it? If you like us and want to be a friend, we have open arms but we won't demand friendship or loyalty. We want to feel safe just like the rest. We want to contribute just like the rest. We want to be valued just like the rest. We want a little attention just like the rest - well, maybe a smidge less but a bit all the same. We are friendly just not game players. We are quiet and more one on one and we do feel a bit out of water when in loud and group situations. We definitely do not bite.
So if I get to see the wife of the cousin out and about alone, I will do just like she said and go up to her and say that I appreciated her and her husband that they were so very tight together and it hard to find marriages these days that stick together... I have worried about how she would handle his going home and I continue to worry. At the very least I have prayer. I will continue to be the sentry - keeper of moments and to bear witness...
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Godly meditation vs earthly meditation
Again on the radio (bnn), a contrast was given on meditation. It was clear and precise. Now I won't be timid in my admitting to meditation! So here it goes:
earthly meditation = emptying the mind.
Godly Meditation = filling the mind.
Need proof?
What to fill the mind with?
Jos 1:8
This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.
Ps 1:2
But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
Ps 63:6
When I remember Thee upon my bed, and meditate on Thee in the night watches.
Ps 77:12
I will meditate also of all Thy work, and talk of Thy doings.
Ps 119:15
I will meditate in Thy precepts, and have respect unto Thy ways.
Ps 143:5
I remember the days of old; I meditate on all Thy works; I muse on the work of Thy hands.
earthly meditation = emptying the mind.
Godly Meditation = filling the mind.
Need proof?
What to fill the mind with?
Jos 1:8
This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.
Ps 1:2
But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
Ps 63:6
When I remember Thee upon my bed, and meditate on Thee in the night watches.
Ps 77:12
I will meditate also of all Thy work, and talk of Thy doings.
Ps 119:15
I will meditate in Thy precepts, and have respect unto Thy ways.
Ps 143:5
I remember the days of old; I meditate on all Thy works; I muse on the work of Thy hands.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Fireproof
Finally, I am going to jot down a few notes about this movie which I would rate a 10. However, when it first started I was a little worried about the acting. It might come off as an act and not real but that soon disappeared as the movie began to take you in. I must say it was well written. There was moments of sitting on the edge of your seat. I could have done without the yelling but it was needed and real in most marriages but there was some comic relief. I totally dug the salt and pepper theme. *wink* Sorry, not telling you any more about salt and pepper. Go see and find out. Oh, there where some twists and turns where you were thinking one thing and the movie took a turn like the who paid for the equipment and who actually did the love dare on who! Love that!
I love reading and I love movies. Being an English major, I like themes or motifs because it connects the movie or book together making it flow well and it can take us English nuts deeper. The movie did it and it was flowed well.
I appreciated how this was written because this isn't just a movie for Christians but a movie for the world. I have been saying that marriage is the last frontier - a place to bear witness to Jesus Christ making a difference in your life that the outside world might just start asking you how you do it.
A little side note:
I get so mad at the 'world' for wanting to marry same sex partners. I think why do they even want this concept especially because it was created by God. They are already slapping God in the face so why even want marriage. I probably lost you here but I know what I mean just having trouble putting in words.. Then I was listening to this radio guy who said that God didn't create marriage for the believers but for mankind! He gave the example that John the Baptist lost his head because accused the king of misusing marriage. I was taken aback a bit. I had not thought it like that. It kind of messes up my thoughts. But I guess defiling marriage is just one more way of defiling God and the beauty He created.
Back to the movie-
The one chew toy I took with me was that the heart is easily deceived and that you must lead the heart. Isn't it a Bible verse? But seeing it, hit home with me.
My favorite character was Cameron's father! I think it was the soothing voice and the weathered christian who had been there and done that. He was someone who had this quiet strength...
A funny thing my mother commented on was it was interesting to see Kirk grown up! I said Mom, he is about my age! I didn't think he aged any. He looks like Kirk - not a kid but a young guy. Some middle aged peeps look their age and some of us don't! Oh dear!
Anyways, excellent movie and there is the 'Love Dare' book out there if you want to spice up the marriage God's way...
I love reading and I love movies. Being an English major, I like themes or motifs because it connects the movie or book together making it flow well and it can take us English nuts deeper. The movie did it and it was flowed well.
I appreciated how this was written because this isn't just a movie for Christians but a movie for the world. I have been saying that marriage is the last frontier - a place to bear witness to Jesus Christ making a difference in your life that the outside world might just start asking you how you do it.
A little side note:
I get so mad at the 'world' for wanting to marry same sex partners. I think why do they even want this concept especially because it was created by God. They are already slapping God in the face so why even want marriage. I probably lost you here but I know what I mean just having trouble putting in words.. Then I was listening to this radio guy who said that God didn't create marriage for the believers but for mankind! He gave the example that John the Baptist lost his head because accused the king of misusing marriage. I was taken aback a bit. I had not thought it like that. It kind of messes up my thoughts. But I guess defiling marriage is just one more way of defiling God and the beauty He created.
Back to the movie-
The one chew toy I took with me was that the heart is easily deceived and that you must lead the heart. Isn't it a Bible verse? But seeing it, hit home with me.
My favorite character was Cameron's father! I think it was the soothing voice and the weathered christian who had been there and done that. He was someone who had this quiet strength...
A funny thing my mother commented on was it was interesting to see Kirk grown up! I said Mom, he is about my age! I didn't think he aged any. He looks like Kirk - not a kid but a young guy. Some middle aged peeps look their age and some of us don't! Oh dear!
Anyways, excellent movie and there is the 'Love Dare' book out there if you want to spice up the marriage God's way...
my HOPE ...
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.
Refrain
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
Refrain
His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
Refrain
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
Refrain
Isaiah 51:12
I, even I, am He who comforts you. Who are you to be afraid of mortal man?
Jer 17:5-8
This is what the Lord says: Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands, he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where there no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out roots by the stream. It does not fear when the heat comes, its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
Ps 105:4-5
Look to the Lord and His Strength;
Seek His Face always.
Remember the Wonders He has done,
His Miracles and the judgements He pronounced,
1 Peter 3:13-16
Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. 'Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.' But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the HOPE that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.
Refrain
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
Refrain
His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
Refrain
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
Refrain
Isaiah 51:12
I, even I, am He who comforts you. Who are you to be afraid of mortal man?
Jer 17:5-8
This is what the Lord says: Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands, he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where there no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out roots by the stream. It does not fear when the heat comes, its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
Ps 105:4-5
Look to the Lord and His Strength;
Seek His Face always.
Remember the Wonders He has done,
His Miracles and the judgements He pronounced,
1 Peter 3:13-16
Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. 'Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.' But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the HOPE that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
reading vs praying
In my growing faith I find that reading the Bible has given me more peace and strength than praying has ever done. Even talking back the Word against oppression and depression or whatever the evil one starts chucking my way has given me a quiet courage that praying never could do for me. Now don't start wagging the finger at me just yet. Prayer is very important but the question to why prayer might not be bringing me to the peace and joy is key to understanding what is wrong and making changes.
My prayers especially at night bring me to tears and I am so tired of crying. It is the requests that I am bringing and probably my personality isn't helping matters. When I am doing what I think is right but the results are showing that I am wrong, I crumble. I am one of those types that no response is a negative response and negative responses defeat me where a good word or affirmation will make me bend over backwards to do more and to be better. My personality trait is highly melancholy and even though I have had a JOY breakthrough, it is hard work to keep going. I must say though that tenacity that runs deep in me and tends to out weigh melancholy's hold on me. Nevertheless, I am so tired of crying.
I have started to change the way I pray and I hope to make it a very deep habit. I have prayed the Word. When I have one of those no responses that come in the form of people not sharing, I use whatever passage I am chewing on and pray that for the person. When I have one of those no responses that come in the form of a God-Mystery where I know He is never silent but rather I can't see or hear because of the veil, I search out solace from the Word and then in turn pray it. I think this is the key to praying.
I still have a long way to turning to this kind of praying first instead of crying pray. Again, God never calls us to be discouraged or afraid! He has repeatedly said to NOT BE AFRAID and to BE OF GOOD COURAGE. His Word is full of pictures and stories of how to live this day and age out with our heads held high. "My eyes are ever on the Lord, for He shall pluck my feet out of the net.'' Ps 25:15
My prayers especially at night bring me to tears and I am so tired of crying. It is the requests that I am bringing and probably my personality isn't helping matters. When I am doing what I think is right but the results are showing that I am wrong, I crumble. I am one of those types that no response is a negative response and negative responses defeat me where a good word or affirmation will make me bend over backwards to do more and to be better. My personality trait is highly melancholy and even though I have had a JOY breakthrough, it is hard work to keep going. I must say though that tenacity that runs deep in me and tends to out weigh melancholy's hold on me. Nevertheless, I am so tired of crying.
I have started to change the way I pray and I hope to make it a very deep habit. I have prayed the Word. When I have one of those no responses that come in the form of people not sharing, I use whatever passage I am chewing on and pray that for the person. When I have one of those no responses that come in the form of a God-Mystery where I know He is never silent but rather I can't see or hear because of the veil, I search out solace from the Word and then in turn pray it. I think this is the key to praying.
I still have a long way to turning to this kind of praying first instead of crying pray. Again, God never calls us to be discouraged or afraid! He has repeatedly said to NOT BE AFRAID and to BE OF GOOD COURAGE. His Word is full of pictures and stories of how to live this day and age out with our heads held high. "My eyes are ever on the Lord, for He shall pluck my feet out of the net.'' Ps 25:15
Monday, November 03, 2008
election consolation ...
More notes I jotted down from Steven Davies:
1. Be a good citizen.
2. The church can still thrive under bad or evil government. ie: Church in China
3. The church can still influence the world under limited to no freedoms.
4. We are not commanded to change immoral behavior but to shine.
ie: A lighthouse never calmed a storm!
I find great comfort in these words but especially about the concept of the lighthouse. It totally floored me but with it came peace and comfort. There are also two passages that I have discovered tonight in my search for God in all of this. Try I Timothy 2 and Romans 13 on for size. I found it a bit uncomfortable because there is a certain government official in my home state that has been really a burr in my side. I am not thankful for him and when I tried to pray I really had to keep focus... I a lot of work to do to be a better prayer warrior.
1. Be a good citizen.
2. The church can still thrive under bad or evil government. ie: Church in China
3. The church can still influence the world under limited to no freedoms.
4. We are not commanded to change immoral behavior but to shine.
ie: A lighthouse never calmed a storm!
I find great comfort in these words but especially about the concept of the lighthouse. It totally floored me but with it came peace and comfort. There are also two passages that I have discovered tonight in my search for God in all of this. Try I Timothy 2 and Romans 13 on for size. I found it a bit uncomfortable because there is a certain government official in my home state that has been really a burr in my side. I am not thankful for him and when I tried to pray I really had to keep focus... I a lot of work to do to be a better prayer warrior.
war in Iraq, ok?
Hmmmm, check this out! the right thing to do?
Be very leery of the media and the agendas they are pushing! They are as bad and maybe worst than hollywood!
Be very leery of the media and the agendas they are pushing! They are as bad and maybe worst than hollywood!
Sunday, November 02, 2008
redeem vs reform ...
I have been listening to Steven Davies and he is talking about our allegiance. Here is my notes:
I do love my country for what the founding fathers have given to us and strived to achieve. America was created to as a safe haven for worship of the One True God as well as allowing others to choose their choices and to self govern. It saddens me as I see the decline and my heart has been lead of God to have a strong allegiance to the Kingdom than here. It doesn't mean that I will give up on America.
I really like the word 'redeem'. One verse that brings me great comfort is 'Redeem the time for the end is near.' Now to the meaning of redeem, I always ask myself or question God for the meaning. So here is what I got - redeem is basically putting good out there. Take the fruit of the Spirit as a great place to start we all need more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
A personal way for me to redeem is to encourage. There is way too many negative words and especially in the season negative ads. 'Scoffers have set the city aflame, but wise men turn away wrath.' Proverbs 29:8 As I wrote this haunting verse down, I was making it singular in my mind but it is plural! I will be doing my bit on encouraging (got to get my 'be encouraged' letter to GWB written) but will you? Is there someone in the Family that is oppressed and needs a pleasant word? What about the others without the Peace we know? Is our actions showing them that we are restless and lacking courage? Are we in the Word and feasting on God's Promises? I know that when I am 'talking back the Word', I feel much better. When I forget and get overwhelmed, I am not redeeming.
Redeeming is expressing our allegiance to the God we serve and the Kingdom.
1. Believers are not suppose to reform government but to redeem it.
2. Our hope is in the city of God not the city of man.
3. God's Purpose = be ambassadors of God.
4. We are not to save America but Americans.
5. ''I will build my church and the gates of hell cannot prevail against her.''
6. Glorify God & advance the Gospel of Christ.
We do have the liberties to vote, pay taxes, & to take the census.
I do love my country for what the founding fathers have given to us and strived to achieve. America was created to as a safe haven for worship of the One True God as well as allowing others to choose their choices and to self govern. It saddens me as I see the decline and my heart has been lead of God to have a strong allegiance to the Kingdom than here. It doesn't mean that I will give up on America.
I really like the word 'redeem'. One verse that brings me great comfort is 'Redeem the time for the end is near.' Now to the meaning of redeem, I always ask myself or question God for the meaning. So here is what I got - redeem is basically putting good out there. Take the fruit of the Spirit as a great place to start we all need more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
A personal way for me to redeem is to encourage. There is way too many negative words and especially in the season negative ads. 'Scoffers have set the city aflame, but wise men turn away wrath.' Proverbs 29:8 As I wrote this haunting verse down, I was making it singular in my mind but it is plural! I will be doing my bit on encouraging (got to get my 'be encouraged' letter to GWB written) but will you? Is there someone in the Family that is oppressed and needs a pleasant word? What about the others without the Peace we know? Is our actions showing them that we are restless and lacking courage? Are we in the Word and feasting on God's Promises? I know that when I am 'talking back the Word', I feel much better. When I forget and get overwhelmed, I am not redeeming.
Redeeming is expressing our allegiance to the God we serve and the Kingdom.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
end times ...
I had a conversation today where she said felt like the 'end times' where upon us. I mentioned too was feeling it and that I was reading Daniel with Swindoll and that I was trying to read Revelations. I was very moved by the conversation so much so that I was shaking! When that feeling comes on, it means you touched something really deep and possibly divine. She was able to walk into the boss's office and pray with him before he had to let everyone know about the 8% pay cut. Another thing that really moved me was I keep referring to the Word by partially quoting the promises given by God. She said she got to start memorizing! I told her I don't have it memorized but I attempt by going over and over the Word and then talking back the promises to whatever is offending me. It just moved me so much that I started crying and shaking as I prayed to God on my way home tonight. God has given us sooooo much in the Word that when tough times come that we sin by becoming depressed by it all. Never in the Word does He say to be discouraged but rather be of Good Courage or do NOT be afraid!!!
Well, I am just eating up Swindoll's teaching on Daniel. The following are not my words. I need to put it down in writing so as not to forget. Hmm, more like being encouraged.
1. Democracy will and is declining.
OOO, tough one to swallow! But as I look inward and the battle of the people doing it or being taken care by the government is really hard core. The freedom of people doing it there own is in decline and even being traded in for dependence on government. In defense for America there are other little one rule 'kingdoms' and democracy 'kingdoms' fighting over which is better. We are all just setting up the way for global one leader rule.
2. People will WANT ONE leader rule. The anti-christ will NOT need to use force.
Hard times are here. We will never be rid of terrorists. Once all the salt and light are called home, major chaos! There will be one waiting in the wings ready to take Christ's place - to fill the void!
3. Anti-christ will be winsome and appealing. He is not the opposite of Christ but 'instead' of Christ.
I had never thought of that! It makes a lot of sense. Hmm, this anti-christ is going to be the ultimate wolf in sheep's clothing. The sheep's clothing is going to be so good and will fool every one except those that come to Christ after the Call up Yonder.
4. Anti-christ will be superb in all areas needed to be a genius leader.
He will be able to speak better than the best speaker. He will have all the wisdom of King Soloman. Swindoll had a big list but what I took away from this is that any leader or leadership qualities out there this anti-christ will have. Swindoll also said this anti-christ won't be revealed until after Christ has taken up His believers. So any so called anti-christ isn't here yet. I take comfort in that. I even have gone as far as saying aloud who isn't anti-christ. ie: Martha Steward can't be the anti-christ even because even though the anti-christ may be will organized this anti-christ won't be ____. I then fill in the blank with something that isn't winsome about the chosen 'leader'. Oprah, Donald Trump, etc - pick a leader and try it out.
5. Anti-christ will be a gentile not a jew.
I found Swindoll's words encouraging and I am finding that the end times isn't as scary as I once thought. I remind myself that there is a blessing at the beginning of Revelations for those who read and KEEP what is written. The last chapter of Revelation is God saying I am not kidding...
Well, I am just eating up Swindoll's teaching on Daniel. The following are not my words. I need to put it down in writing so as not to forget. Hmm, more like being encouraged.
1. Democracy will and is declining.
OOO, tough one to swallow! But as I look inward and the battle of the people doing it or being taken care by the government is really hard core. The freedom of people doing it there own is in decline and even being traded in for dependence on government. In defense for America there are other little one rule 'kingdoms' and democracy 'kingdoms' fighting over which is better. We are all just setting up the way for global one leader rule.
2. People will WANT ONE leader rule. The anti-christ will NOT need to use force.
Hard times are here. We will never be rid of terrorists. Once all the salt and light are called home, major chaos! There will be one waiting in the wings ready to take Christ's place - to fill the void!
3. Anti-christ will be winsome and appealing. He is not the opposite of Christ but 'instead' of Christ.
I had never thought of that! It makes a lot of sense. Hmm, this anti-christ is going to be the ultimate wolf in sheep's clothing. The sheep's clothing is going to be so good and will fool every one except those that come to Christ after the Call up Yonder.
4. Anti-christ will be superb in all areas needed to be a genius leader.
He will be able to speak better than the best speaker. He will have all the wisdom of King Soloman. Swindoll had a big list but what I took away from this is that any leader or leadership qualities out there this anti-christ will have. Swindoll also said this anti-christ won't be revealed until after Christ has taken up His believers. So any so called anti-christ isn't here yet. I take comfort in that. I even have gone as far as saying aloud who isn't anti-christ. ie: Martha Steward can't be the anti-christ even because even though the anti-christ may be will organized this anti-christ won't be ____. I then fill in the blank with something that isn't winsome about the chosen 'leader'. Oprah, Donald Trump, etc - pick a leader and try it out.
5. Anti-christ will be a gentile not a jew.
I found Swindoll's words encouraging and I am finding that the end times isn't as scary as I once thought. I remind myself that there is a blessing at the beginning of Revelations for those who read and KEEP what is written. The last chapter of Revelation is God saying I am not kidding...
Sunday, October 26, 2008
global bail out plan ...
I miss an old friend that I had once upon a time. During our conversations I gave him an observation: 'I love God's creation of marriage because it pictures what God is and His Ultimate love plan for us. You love the end times stuff and Revelation because you feel God's love plan most in His Return.' He said, 'True'. He has made a choice to move on and leave me in the dust but I have started getting into Daniel and Revelation and would love to talk to him again...
Radio speakers are touching on the end times stuff so I have been digging into to Revelation and Swindoll is in Daniel. Several years ago I stumbled onto end time stuff in Luke 21 and took comfort in Luke 21:33 ''Heaven & earth will pass away but My Words will never pass away.'' It brought much comfort because my love language is WORDS. (bet you couldn't tell!) That was that. Now I am beginning to open up to it...
First in Revelation there is a blessing for all who read Revelations! ''Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of this prophecy, and keeps those things which are written in it, for the time is near.'' Rev 1:3 I sure what to be blessed instead of cowering or avoiding. I have stayed away from Revelations probably because as a child there was a whole series of end times movies that scared me and as being a big sis my bro didn't take the movies very well and they made him question his salvation. It was just to much for me to take in and understand. I tend to stand in what I know best and that is that I am going to Heaven because I choose the The Way which is narrow. I also stayed away from Revelations I say because I am a girl and Revelations is so unsafe and I do not and will not get into discussions over what Revelations means because I do not confrontation. If you know the way, then that is final.
Second piece of comfort comes from Daniel 7:15, ''I, Daniel, was troubled in spirit, and the visions that passed through my mind disturbed me.'' I was thinking why should he be troubled because this vision was of things to come and he personally wasn't in them or he personally was not condemned and it has the Ancient of Days setting up His Kingdom by tearing down the earthly and Godless governments. But it speaks of his love for the people he worked for and for the hardships to come. So my feelings of terror finds common ground in Daniel and it isn't a girl thing.
For the third bit, take note that Daniel was in government and politics - I find it very interesting that God choose Daniel to deliver the message that all governments no matter how great or good they might be will fall before the Kingdom! In these days of global unrest I definitely find that a comfort. This old friend of my came is from the land down under and at times I felt stress from our conversation. I seemed to feel that he thought that America thought it was a superpower. I never had that notion and it would make me upset. I do not believe America is a superpower. I think and hope that we are a good influence but anyways onto the real point. Go back to Nebuchadnezzar's dream of the large statue in Daniel 2. Before noticing that my study Bible had the kingdoms listed out according to the gold, silver, bronze, iron, I saw the feet of iron and clay or the 10 kingdoms as the what is actually going on today! What is present now is all these little kingdoms trying to get along with each and hating each other all the same. Iron and clay meaning partly strong and brittle - 'so the people will be a mixture and will not remain united, any more than iron mixes with clay.' Dan 2:43. What follows is that rock that knocks the statue down. This ROCK is the Kingdom of God. For me that finally, it is done and over with! My God reigns! See, America isn't a superpower. It is all the nations of the world that will fall...
.:note!:. As I left these words to rest a bit and went to read the Daniel visions again, I don't know for sure if my notion is true so don't debate me on this. Daniel isn't written in chronological order and Revelations isn't written in complete sentences. Revelations is written in bursts like John was trying to write down everything as not to forget. If I would read prophecy like I knew the answer, it would be wrong of me. The more you read the more you begin to question when this or that is going to happen when and where. That is God's way of saying to us that isn't important. So what is important? What is important is that all these power hungry miserable earthly governments can not stand against the Rock - the Kingdom that is to come. God established the Kingdom by sending His Son and He has been welcoming and waiting through the centuries for those who choose to become citizens of Heaven.
So my final point comes back to Revelations - No, I haven't finished my study and it make take me a while so there may be more to say or not and I just might get confused. But as Psalm 18 is my damsel in distress psalm where my white knight comes and rescues me from my daily pain and anguish, Revelations isn't just the revealing of Jesus Christ but it is God's global BAIL OUT or rescue plan! He is the Almighty One who will rescue all of us if we choose. It is for the mainstream ... ''Let him who thirsts COME. Whoever desires, let him take the Water of Life freely.'' Revelations 22:17
AMEN!
Radio speakers are touching on the end times stuff so I have been digging into to Revelation and Swindoll is in Daniel. Several years ago I stumbled onto end time stuff in Luke 21 and took comfort in Luke 21:33 ''Heaven & earth will pass away but My Words will never pass away.'' It brought much comfort because my love language is WORDS. (bet you couldn't tell!) That was that. Now I am beginning to open up to it...
First in Revelation there is a blessing for all who read Revelations! ''Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of this prophecy, and keeps those things which are written in it, for the time is near.'' Rev 1:3 I sure what to be blessed instead of cowering or avoiding. I have stayed away from Revelations probably because as a child there was a whole series of end times movies that scared me and as being a big sis my bro didn't take the movies very well and they made him question his salvation. It was just to much for me to take in and understand. I tend to stand in what I know best and that is that I am going to Heaven because I choose the The Way which is narrow. I also stayed away from Revelations I say because I am a girl and Revelations is so unsafe and I do not and will not get into discussions over what Revelations means because I do not confrontation. If you know the way, then that is final.
Second piece of comfort comes from Daniel 7:15, ''I, Daniel, was troubled in spirit, and the visions that passed through my mind disturbed me.'' I was thinking why should he be troubled because this vision was of things to come and he personally wasn't in them or he personally was not condemned and it has the Ancient of Days setting up His Kingdom by tearing down the earthly and Godless governments. But it speaks of his love for the people he worked for and for the hardships to come. So my feelings of terror finds common ground in Daniel and it isn't a girl thing.
For the third bit, take note that Daniel was in government and politics - I find it very interesting that God choose Daniel to deliver the message that all governments no matter how great or good they might be will fall before the Kingdom! In these days of global unrest I definitely find that a comfort. This old friend of my came is from the land down under and at times I felt stress from our conversation. I seemed to feel that he thought that America thought it was a superpower. I never had that notion and it would make me upset. I do not believe America is a superpower. I think and hope that we are a good influence but anyways onto the real point. Go back to Nebuchadnezzar's dream of the large statue in Daniel 2. Before noticing that my study Bible had the kingdoms listed out according to the gold, silver, bronze, iron, I saw the feet of iron and clay or the 10 kingdoms as the what is actually going on today! What is present now is all these little kingdoms trying to get along with each and hating each other all the same. Iron and clay meaning partly strong and brittle - 'so the people will be a mixture and will not remain united, any more than iron mixes with clay.' Dan 2:43. What follows is that rock that knocks the statue down. This ROCK is the Kingdom of God. For me that finally, it is done and over with! My God reigns! See, America isn't a superpower. It is all the nations of the world that will fall...
.:note!:. As I left these words to rest a bit and went to read the Daniel visions again, I don't know for sure if my notion is true so don't debate me on this. Daniel isn't written in chronological order and Revelations isn't written in complete sentences. Revelations is written in bursts like John was trying to write down everything as not to forget. If I would read prophecy like I knew the answer, it would be wrong of me. The more you read the more you begin to question when this or that is going to happen when and where. That is God's way of saying to us that isn't important. So what is important? What is important is that all these power hungry miserable earthly governments can not stand against the Rock - the Kingdom that is to come. God established the Kingdom by sending His Son and He has been welcoming and waiting through the centuries for those who choose to become citizens of Heaven.
So my final point comes back to Revelations - No, I haven't finished my study and it make take me a while so there may be more to say or not and I just might get confused. But as Psalm 18 is my damsel in distress psalm where my white knight comes and rescues me from my daily pain and anguish, Revelations isn't just the revealing of Jesus Christ but it is God's global BAIL OUT or rescue plan! He is the Almighty One who will rescue all of us if we choose. It is for the mainstream ... ''Let him who thirsts COME. Whoever desires, let him take the Water of Life freely.'' Revelations 22:17
AMEN!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
the sparrow promise ...
I just can't seem to get going on much today. I really should accomplish so much since weekends I can spend as I so feel like doing with work at a distance. But I find myself zoned out and going slow.
So hmm about work... if you have been reading my twitter tweets, you know something is up at work. Heard the company crack for the first time Thursday as we are repo-ing boats and dealers are requesting us not to send them boats. Being the one who is paying the bills and being overloaded with work, I have been wondering at our death defying speed. I have been sending God many a s.o.s with a ps. not to slow down the workload by leaving company and me without jobs. I have had a notion that if God takes the job that I have been there before and if need be I can do it again. But I think that sounds very arrogant because I now it will be hard. With company wide cut on wages, one wonders if it will work and what things need to be in order to hunker down for a while - kind of like hibernating for the winter.
I also have two things on my list to do before that should happen and it is the two bookcases and iWorks. I want to be able to have word processing part for my iMac since I broke Appleworks and can't get it back. I need to get serious about writing! I am hoping that iWorks will get me organized and creative. The bookcases are for a bit of what I call 'home makeover'. A couple of months ago I got a bookcase for a spot that was dead space. I had been wanting to do it for a long time but I didn't know if it would work with my home being a very small space. It worked better than I thought! Now I am ready to get two more 3 shelf bookcases is to go in the other place where I have 2 two shelf bookcases. Then I will move the 2 two shelf bookcases to another corner of my living room. I have a dream of being very orderly and organized. So what should a modern day library living space look like? I got the idea from Ikea. The living rooms were lined with walls of bookcases! So with that notion I then made a list of what my library will contain. The list is books of course but I add music, movies, craft books, school books, games, and photo albums. My hope is to clean up my space and to be able to see what I have and to better use what I have.
I cannot get mad at George W nor can I get mad at the economy. It is the people's fault. We all were riding high. There always have to be a balance. If we cannot keep the balance then God will provide the balance. I am not worried about the money. I have been very safe with the money. No, I don't have a home and it is a dream, but I am glad that I don't have that worry. I am frustrated and have been under too much pressure at work and all the changes. Sure I have the office with the window but I have to share it. I have a new boss who I am concerned that she will make unnecessary changes when I have worked hard at making this job as tight and as fast as I can because math isn't my strong suite I know what to do to keep me successful and able to handle the job. I don't want someone to come in and upset the boat trailer. Plus, I don't like someone telling me what to do. So when she voiced a change, I decided to make the move first. I worked it and then told her when she voiced the change she wanted to make that I would do it but it would be different. I told her I already did it this week and what changes I would need to make to make successful for me. But I am still leery because she probably still want to observe. They did things quite different at the other place...
Through it all that window has been perfect at reminding me that God has me in the palm of His Almighty Hand. Sparrows come to my window and my eyes take in their actions. I smile and remember that God cares for these small ordinary birds and aren't of more value than these?
So hmm about work... if you have been reading my twitter tweets, you know something is up at work. Heard the company crack for the first time Thursday as we are repo-ing boats and dealers are requesting us not to send them boats. Being the one who is paying the bills and being overloaded with work, I have been wondering at our death defying speed. I have been sending God many a s.o.s with a ps. not to slow down the workload by leaving company and me without jobs. I have had a notion that if God takes the job that I have been there before and if need be I can do it again. But I think that sounds very arrogant because I now it will be hard. With company wide cut on wages, one wonders if it will work and what things need to be in order to hunker down for a while - kind of like hibernating for the winter.
I also have two things on my list to do before that should happen and it is the two bookcases and iWorks. I want to be able to have word processing part for my iMac since I broke Appleworks and can't get it back. I need to get serious about writing! I am hoping that iWorks will get me organized and creative. The bookcases are for a bit of what I call 'home makeover'. A couple of months ago I got a bookcase for a spot that was dead space. I had been wanting to do it for a long time but I didn't know if it would work with my home being a very small space. It worked better than I thought! Now I am ready to get two more 3 shelf bookcases is to go in the other place where I have 2 two shelf bookcases. Then I will move the 2 two shelf bookcases to another corner of my living room. I have a dream of being very orderly and organized. So what should a modern day library living space look like? I got the idea from Ikea. The living rooms were lined with walls of bookcases! So with that notion I then made a list of what my library will contain. The list is books of course but I add music, movies, craft books, school books, games, and photo albums. My hope is to clean up my space and to be able to see what I have and to better use what I have.
I cannot get mad at George W nor can I get mad at the economy. It is the people's fault. We all were riding high. There always have to be a balance. If we cannot keep the balance then God will provide the balance. I am not worried about the money. I have been very safe with the money. No, I don't have a home and it is a dream, but I am glad that I don't have that worry. I am frustrated and have been under too much pressure at work and all the changes. Sure I have the office with the window but I have to share it. I have a new boss who I am concerned that she will make unnecessary changes when I have worked hard at making this job as tight and as fast as I can because math isn't my strong suite I know what to do to keep me successful and able to handle the job. I don't want someone to come in and upset the boat trailer. Plus, I don't like someone telling me what to do. So when she voiced a change, I decided to make the move first. I worked it and then told her when she voiced the change she wanted to make that I would do it but it would be different. I told her I already did it this week and what changes I would need to make to make successful for me. But I am still leery because she probably still want to observe. They did things quite different at the other place...
Through it all that window has been perfect at reminding me that God has me in the palm of His Almighty Hand. Sparrows come to my window and my eyes take in their actions. I smile and remember that God cares for these small ordinary birds and aren't of more value than these?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
my needs ...
I need a companionship with another. I like the dynamics of two. It is much easier to feel like a team. Forget groups. The bigger the mass the more I blend in with the walls.
I need approval and praise in what I sweat hard at like my dreams and passion and any kind of work I do. I feed off this kind of energy and end up bend over backwards to give more and be better. When days go by with no appreciation coming my way, it is very easy to give up. I said days when in many areas of my life it has been years of drought.
I need people to be patient with my speech. My mind goes faster then the connection between my head and mouth or my brain goes into picture mode and I find it difficult to speak in picture when I need to draw out visuals. Try giving map directions over the phone. I bet it is hilarious to watch me!
I need to be allowed to be deep. I do over think but there is a lot of creative process going on. I never thought I was smart until recently when someone said I was! I was shocked. My grades never proved it. I do need to learn to have fun with my depth. I really need to have a companion who will allow me to learn the art of conversation and I hate to say this but a safe confrontation. I seriously don't know how to do it and come out of it still intact. Usually I am broken and beaten up. I hate competition and I need a feeling of true teamwork.
I need balance and I find that I really need to have my creative side blossom so that I can handle the mundane and ordinary days. I need a zing of excitement or learning because if I get to bored, I can become quite grouchy and nasty.
I wonder how God's list of my needs compare to my list...
!
I need approval and praise in what I sweat hard at like my dreams and passion and any kind of work I do. I feed off this kind of energy and end up bend over backwards to give more and be better. When days go by with no appreciation coming my way, it is very easy to give up. I said days when in many areas of my life it has been years of drought.
I need people to be patient with my speech. My mind goes faster then the connection between my head and mouth or my brain goes into picture mode and I find it difficult to speak in picture when I need to draw out visuals. Try giving map directions over the phone. I bet it is hilarious to watch me!
I need to be allowed to be deep. I do over think but there is a lot of creative process going on. I never thought I was smart until recently when someone said I was! I was shocked. My grades never proved it. I do need to learn to have fun with my depth. I really need to have a companion who will allow me to learn the art of conversation and I hate to say this but a safe confrontation. I seriously don't know how to do it and come out of it still intact. Usually I am broken and beaten up. I hate competition and I need a feeling of true teamwork.
I need balance and I find that I really need to have my creative side blossom so that I can handle the mundane and ordinary days. I need a zing of excitement or learning because if I get to bored, I can become quite grouchy and nasty.
I wonder how God's list of my needs compare to my list...
!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Stroke of Insight ...
I was listening to Jill Bolte Taylor, a brain doc, describe her experience of a stroke and I was hooked the minute she explained the going ons of her brain! When you ask me what my favorite body part in general, it would be the brain! I love how I learn and how you learn. I am a big believer on doing your passions and dreams. I know without a doubt that our strength can be found in the passions and dreams we harbor in our little red hearts. What do you get excited about? Yup, you will answer with your passions and dreams. So that is why I am so intrigued by the brain. Plus, it doesn't help that I live too deeply within my own!
Back to Dr. Jill and her stroke ...
What fascinated me the most was when she told about how the stroke was shutting down the left side of her brain where all the math and language was located. It took her four hours to get help and she told each long and drawn out detail of how her brain was attempting to perceive the world. Then after she made it the hospital, she took you through what her right brain was picking up and it was ENERGY people where giving off around her. She wanted the good energy because she knew it was safe and that even if she couldn't understand their language, she still knew that good energy/tones meant they cared about her. The other huge insight for me was that because of the energy she was picking up, she had a choice. She could come out or she could retreat to the inside where she was experience bliss. Because her left brain was in a puddle of blood and out of the loop, no agenda's or outside world things were pressing in on her. The to-do list was no longer functioning. She could just be happy in this state of being. Wow! This really has got me thinking... so when dealing with elevated anxiety within, can I shut down the left brain to-do and must do lists? Can I begin to focus on just being in the moment? Well, as I deal with a very stressful time at work these days, I found myself trying to relax my frazzled self as I am trying to get this huge work load passed through to payment. I slowed down making sure to focus on getting my fingers into a rhythm instead of speed. I know it effects the accuracy and that is more important key to to save precious time. There is something here that I must keep!
(Dr. Jill also said of her stroke as a wound and that she wasn't stupid. Hmm! I like this! I couldn't help but think of traumatic brain injuries!)
Dr. Jill wrote a book that I must find and read. --> ''The Stroke of Insight''
*
Back to Dr. Jill and her stroke ...
What fascinated me the most was when she told about how the stroke was shutting down the left side of her brain where all the math and language was located. It took her four hours to get help and she told each long and drawn out detail of how her brain was attempting to perceive the world. Then after she made it the hospital, she took you through what her right brain was picking up and it was ENERGY people where giving off around her. She wanted the good energy because she knew it was safe and that even if she couldn't understand their language, she still knew that good energy/tones meant they cared about her. The other huge insight for me was that because of the energy she was picking up, she had a choice. She could come out or she could retreat to the inside where she was experience bliss. Because her left brain was in a puddle of blood and out of the loop, no agenda's or outside world things were pressing in on her. The to-do list was no longer functioning. She could just be happy in this state of being. Wow! This really has got me thinking... so when dealing with elevated anxiety within, can I shut down the left brain to-do and must do lists? Can I begin to focus on just being in the moment? Well, as I deal with a very stressful time at work these days, I found myself trying to relax my frazzled self as I am trying to get this huge work load passed through to payment. I slowed down making sure to focus on getting my fingers into a rhythm instead of speed. I know it effects the accuracy and that is more important key to to save precious time. There is something here that I must keep!
(Dr. Jill also said of her stroke as a wound and that she wasn't stupid. Hmm! I like this! I couldn't help but think of traumatic brain injuries!)
Dr. Jill wrote a book that I must find and read. --> ''The Stroke of Insight''
*
Saturday, October 18, 2008
unfriendly world ...
I never have found the world a friendly place. So when it was said to take the world as friendly, my history prevents it. I understand the no exceptions because often I feel on the outskirts and being friendly with no exceptions speak of harboring love just like God has asked His children to do.
So what is it about my history that makes me timid and protective? I have always felt like an oddity. I couldn't make friends as a child so I found solace in my bike and my books. I have always hoped to find the world friendly and reading 'Anne of Green Gables' fed my hopes that oddities could have companionship. As friends came, they seem to go. Some I understand and but most I don't.
After many reflections on relationship interactions and failures, I find that maybe I am really messed up - like I need to change everything about me. I think as I hit my middle years, I have developed many layers of protection - actually I just don't deal. I am a shy little girl and have not found a safe place to exhale without quaking inside or without being forced to implode all over myself or without splattering over others. It is like playing my favorite childhood of concentration where you match up pairs but this pair has no match. I am not talking male match rather just that inner core matches. They say those are hard to come by but is it true that some people have no matches? How can this be true? God has designed the whole world on relationships...
I tried to change shy and in my twenties realized that I cannot change my personality. Yet as the years go by the more this shy has taken root within my inner being. From being born timid with a strong dose of stubborn to being buck tooth beaver to being a wall flower at high school (or so I thought) to making some small steps in college to living on my own to 36 food allergies to well on my way to being an old maid - isolation seems like it is closing in even though I have tried to reach out. Every time my hand gets slapped, the more I keep my hands and every other part of me tucked in so not to encourage more battering on my sensitive heart.
There are good things about personalities so aren't you suppose to accentuate the good bits? I keep trying but here I am at my wits end to dealing with silent walls and this quaking aching heart of mine. I am soooo tired. Tired of wailing with fists clinched at God when I should just shut up and go to bed ... Tired of failing God .. Tired of wondering how the dots will connect ... Tired of trying fix myself ... Tired of dead ends... yet as tired as I say I am, I keep renewing my mind and heart with God's Word. It is NOT about me being tired but rather if I am open enough for God to keep working His Mysterious Ways within me. It is NOT about me fixing myself but about God being able to mold me His Way. God never tires or gets weary about my failings. He is ever Constant and His Love never fails me...
Here is to a shy girl taking on a 'friendly' world...
*
So what is it about my history that makes me timid and protective? I have always felt like an oddity. I couldn't make friends as a child so I found solace in my bike and my books. I have always hoped to find the world friendly and reading 'Anne of Green Gables' fed my hopes that oddities could have companionship. As friends came, they seem to go. Some I understand and but most I don't.
After many reflections on relationship interactions and failures, I find that maybe I am really messed up - like I need to change everything about me. I think as I hit my middle years, I have developed many layers of protection - actually I just don't deal. I am a shy little girl and have not found a safe place to exhale without quaking inside or without being forced to implode all over myself or without splattering over others. It is like playing my favorite childhood of concentration where you match up pairs but this pair has no match. I am not talking male match rather just that inner core matches. They say those are hard to come by but is it true that some people have no matches? How can this be true? God has designed the whole world on relationships...
I tried to change shy and in my twenties realized that I cannot change my personality. Yet as the years go by the more this shy has taken root within my inner being. From being born timid with a strong dose of stubborn to being buck tooth beaver to being a wall flower at high school (or so I thought) to making some small steps in college to living on my own to 36 food allergies to well on my way to being an old maid - isolation seems like it is closing in even though I have tried to reach out. Every time my hand gets slapped, the more I keep my hands and every other part of me tucked in so not to encourage more battering on my sensitive heart.
There are good things about personalities so aren't you suppose to accentuate the good bits? I keep trying but here I am at my wits end to dealing with silent walls and this quaking aching heart of mine. I am soooo tired. Tired of wailing with fists clinched at God when I should just shut up and go to bed ... Tired of failing God .. Tired of wondering how the dots will connect ... Tired of trying fix myself ... Tired of dead ends... yet as tired as I say I am, I keep renewing my mind and heart with God's Word. It is NOT about me being tired but rather if I am open enough for God to keep working His Mysterious Ways within me. It is NOT about me fixing myself but about God being able to mold me His Way. God never tires or gets weary about my failings. He is ever Constant and His Love never fails me...
Here is to a shy girl taking on a 'friendly' world...
*
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