good gift vs cad, fraud, & coward

I just found out that my supposed good gift where I made sure I invested in the 'Eternal' is really a cad, fraud, coward, and some other choice words! I am really messed up. I had prided myself in 'keeping my hands off the wheel' and looking back over it .. No! I don't want to admit it ...., my dirty little mitts where all over it. Can I plead my case? No! Any excuses for a man is in its most naked form a poor excuse of a man.

I did NOT want to be angry or harbor ill feelings towards this good gift. Now as the good gift has crumbled apart like a bad wormed up apple, I am horrified...

The evening wolf, infuriated by a day of hunger, was fiercer and more ravenous than he would have been in the morning. May not the furious creature represent our doubts and fears after a day of distraction of mind, losses in business, and perhaps ungenerous tauntings from our fellow men? How our thoughts howl in our ears, "Where is now thy God?" How voracious and greedy they are, swallowing up all suggestions of comfort, and remaining as hungry as before. Great Shepherd, slay these evening wolves, and bid Thy sheep lie down in green pastures, undisturbed by insatiable unbelief.

O Thou who hast laid down Thy life for the sheep, preserve them from the fangs of the wolf.
~ Spurgeon's Evening Sept 10

O my Shephard, I have found this to be a horrible education on man's behavior. I am sicken. I need Your Wisdom. I don't want to call a supposed good gift a cad.... help!
~ a frighten girl always...

Be master of your petty annoyances
& conserve your energies for the big, worthwhile things.
It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out
- it's the grain of sand in your shoe.
~ Robert Service

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