I am so glad to have a space to let out my steam where I can listen and answer my needs. My world is messy in all areas. Two storms hit at one time this past Monday... my mother's surgery and my job placement. It was a slow burn and it boiled over Friday in full blown ANGER!
By the way my Mom's path is now of recovery and a path through pain. Thursday night was a huge concern as her pain was extreme and her temp went up. But thankfully she was much better and chipper Friday. What a huge comfort she was! She listened to my anger and it was just what I needed.
about need ...
I am soooooooooooooooo sick of people who try to be there for you by saying come talk. I did and all I have gotten from this person is how I should feel and this is from Human Resources! Then what really gets me is there is this guy who has to tell me how this person or that person feels. Good Grief!!!! I am not an idiot! I am quite sure that I have a bit of a gift when it comes to empathy. { Scary thought for me and I feel I have some learning in this area. He 'ain't' my teacher either so stop pushing my buttons! } What I do know for sure is that be an empathizer is to listen not from other people but from the source. And when he is chatter up a storm to HR, to the manager, and to others about how so&so feels, then he is not representing the person correctly because he wasn't listening in the first place. { Thanks to him for getting me so livid that I couldn't recover! }
As I was sitting in my own fuming, I realized what I needed! ... what any person in anger or in pain or in frustration needs! An unassuming person with a great ear and a simple question .. "What do you need?" What a powerful question and a great way to begin a new path.
Because I want to be an accomplished writer someday, I am using this question in a daydream, fleshing out a character who cares, who listens, and encourages me to answer that simple question. That character started out as me then it became man to stand up to that insensitive guy. It is back to me again and it will continue to morph where I need to sweep up and move on.
This coming Monday is a BEGINNING. I am making changes and I must get my back up to confront those who have been hurting me. It is allowed to tell them to stop.
about anger....
I can get a huge dose of anger when pushed to the wall time and time again and especially when people assume what I feel. It is quite all right to not want to be messed with in these moments. I am not good with the spoken word. It is quite all right for me to be silent at this time. I would rather be silent until I get my barrings than to explode with all my wrath and hate myself. Lets not forget all the damage that I could inflect upon myself in the process like losing the job all together. So silent I will be. Let me get to my safe place. Let me work it out. Let me begin again. I am quite Self Smart. Now is the time to be my own best friend, my own Life Manager, my own path carver. I too want to rememer this sacred moment and use this when I have someone in my life with anger, pain, or frustration.
Back off and leave me be!
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