releasing the secret burden ...

What I want to experience is a release and an ear. I think there needs to be an accounting of events. I want to be very frank and I want to be safe in saying so.

Monday I was pulled in by HR and my manager. I was told that in order to keep the business a float that my job was no longer needed. My job was only created for the change over and now that is done, it is time to close it down. Never mind the change over was months ago and my work load is the same load. I was told that they did not want me to leave. The option was to take over the reception job. I pretty sure that I heard my pay would be dropped and capped. Do I want the job? I said yes. Why would refuse? Then I was to keep quite about it because they have not told others that would be involved. I could understand that because it really puts me in an odd place. Who wants to replace someone else or be the 'one who takes your job' even if you understand the seniority process?

Later after thinking over what just happened, I realized that in the shock I forgot to ask and clarify. Where there other options? Did I hear the pay amount correctly?

A side note is that when I told my mother what happened, she shared news that the very next day she would go into surgery! A double mental blow. A distraction. Both areas needed my time and attention.

Just before I left for the day on Monday, the receptionist's manager came to me and told me to keep quiet because the receptionist did not know. Oh, and that she had an option for her. I am like oh great, how long am I going to have to keep this under my hat? I should not be put in this position.

Day after day went by and the secret had to be kept. Then there are signs of demotions and positions let go. Still the secret had to be kept.

Friday morning I could not handle it anymore. I was enraged not because the night before my mother was in severe pain but because it was too much to ask for the secret to be kept. In fact it is wrong.

I was presured by two co-workers what was up. I exploded. I said I cannot tell you and left the room. My manager called me into her office and thanked me for a job well done. I said I enjoyed working for her. Stupid tears. Oh, I didn't mean to make you cry she says. I said it was a lot with my mother having surgery and being in pain. All truth but then she is like takes that as being the issue. Then she says that we still gotta keep quiet because nobody knows!

After that HR emails and says you want to talk? What do I want to talk when I am livid? NO WAY! I know what can happen when I am mad and try to talk! Bad things happen. Do I want to lose my job for throwing a fit? Do I want to hurt someone else? Delete goes the email.

Lots of surrying in the hallways could be heard! Then my manager pulls the rest of the department in our office and tells them where I was going etc. OH, and to keep quiet about because certain parties involved where not told.

After everyone leaves my manager asks if I need to talk to HR. I said no. I am not talking about my mother because she is not the issue. It is the handling of the situation and I am getting hotter by the minute.

Then I have a co-worker start in on me. He asks if my moving to the receptionist job was my issue in the morning. I begin that it isn't right to keep it from the receptionist. Then he goes into how the receptionist feels about the job and that she is getting moved and that she is alright about. Now if I would allow myself, I would have loved to tear into him. Stop telling me how to feel and start listening. This is wrong.

Then I hear that the girl in AR is getting fired and that I declined the AR position so the receptionist is going to be moved over there. What a minute! I was never offered the AR position. That is a false statement. { Because I am making a life decision to get it straight from the horse's mouth, I will be going to the source and others to find out what was truly said and to clarify. }

I am releasing my anger over the burden to keep quiet. Managers need to be accountable for their actions. They are going to have to be transparent if they want their employees to stay loyal and to keep a good working environment. I have noticed a lot of scurrying around the job load to keep their employees. Other managers that don't even fight for saving jobs. I see loads of money walking out the door in the paper and the company vehicles.