gifts ...

: what it is :
* visual symbols of love
* a tangible object that says , "I was thinking of you. I wanted you to have this. I love you."
* can be any size, shape, color, or price
* can be purchased, found, or made
* have to learn the person's interests, be the student ...
* be sensitive to the way your partner responds to gifts

: what it's not :
* no strings attached
* not to smooth raffled feathers

: Q : What is the last gift you gave & to whom did you give it?
: Q : Is it hard or does gift giving come naturally to you?
: Q : Do you consciously listen for gift ideas in your conversations?
fr: "The Five Love Languages for Singles" by Gray Chapman

... I'm not a gift giver. I didn't receive many gifts growing up. I never learned how to select gifts. It doesn't come naturally for me" ........ CONGRATULATIONS, you have just made the first discovery of becoming a great lover. Love requires effort. Often love requires learning a love language you never spoken. Fortunately, gift giving is one of the easiest love languages to learn.

People speak about what interests them. If we listen carefully, we will pick up numerous clues as to what would be appropriate gifts for an individual.

If you are to become an effective gift giver, you may have to change your attitude about money. Each of us has an individualized perception of the purposes of money, and we have various emotions associated with spending it. If you have a spending orientation, you will feel good about yourself when you are spending money. If you have a saving and investing perspective, you will feel good about yourself when you are saving money or investing it wisely.

Suppose you are a saver. Your emotions will resist the idea of spending money as an expression of love. I don't purchase things for myself. Why should I purchase things for others? But that attitude fails to understand the truth - that you are purchasing things for yourself. By saving and investing money you are purchasing self-worth and emotional security. You are caring for your own emotional needs in the way you handle money. If you discover that someone you care about has the primary love language of receiving gifts, then perhaps you will understand that purchasing and giving gifts to him/her is the best investment you can make. You're investing in your relationship and filling the other person's emotional love tank.

... it is the gift that came out of the thought that communicates emotional love.

Please don't hear me saying that you speak only the primary love language of the people you care for. Love can be expressed and received in all five love languages. However, if you don't speak a person's primary love language, that person will not feel loved, even thought you may be speaking the other four. Once you are speaking his/her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four, and they will be like icing on the cake.
fr: "The Five Love Languages for Singles" by Gary Chapman

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outside gift giving . . .
I am horried that no matter how much of the other four love languages I spoke in a LDR, it proved ineffective because his primary love language is touch. I knew because we talked about it. I tried to incorparate touch in what I gave. I am miffed no angry that I could not fill his love tank. No wonder is he is MIA. However, I totally believe LDR's can work at least from my own tenacity! {No proof that I will find a match.} For the toucher's out there in a LDR, please appreciate the love that is coming to you from the other four languages. It wouldn't hurt for you to suggest ways for us touch you. It is a must have conversation.

This brings me to the receiver of the any love language and especially if it is not your primary love language to appreciate the time and effort given. Be a good sport and soak in the love! It is far better to receive the other four love languages than starving!

inside the gift giving . . .
I am one of those savers but I am a student of people. I do find it difficult at times to find the perfect gift. I must admit at times I just want to throw in the towel. If it isn't right, why waste money on it. I am learning to be a better giver so there are small steps taken. What really blows me away is when I find the perfect gift. It is usually an Act of God .. meaning that I love my gift to give a message. It must speak more than just the gesture. It must go deep! When this deep stuff happens, I know God was in it and it makes me smile .... until the receiver misses the meaning on the love given.

I don't need someone to give me gifts. I sometimes find it hard to open gifts in front of people or the giver. I am afraid of my first reaction but give me time and I will compliment you. I always wear the clothes or jewelry when I am with the giver. I have had where someone will say 'oh, I love that on you.' And I reply saying 'you got this for me ...' . Half the time they had forgotten but it proves to them I remember. That in itself is saying 'love you back'.

I believe the gift represents the person. I will have certain things around my house and I will go back to the memory connected to that moment. If you catch me in that moment, a smile bursts upon my face.

To be a true lover you must deeply understand how to give and to receive love in the form of a gift.

love tank : words of affirmation