why dating ...

Why dating?
* To learn about the Person, Personality, & Philosophy ..
Dating provides an opportunity to break down this perception and to help one learn to see others as persons rather than objects. The personality reveals the nature of our uniqueness, and the philosophy reveals the values by which we live our lives. All of these are discovered, ... as we come close and begin to interact witheach other.

Why is dating so important?
Because it gives us a means of connecting with others as persons. Our society increasingly pushes us to live in cocoons, but our isolation has brought us to growing levels of loneliness, emptiness, and sometimes desperation. Dating is an acceptable way of breaking out of isolation and connecting with others.

* To see our Strengths & Weaknesses ..
(Interacting) .. provokes healthy self - analysis and brings greater self - understanding. We recognize that some traits are more desirable than others. The knowldge of a weakness is the first step toward growth. (Maturity is not flawlessness.)!

* To practice Serving others ..
Service is life's highest calling. Dating is always a two-way street. Certainly we receive something from the relationship, but we are also to be contributing to the life of the one whom we are dating.

* To discover the person we will marry ..
One who has limited dating experience may after marriage be plagued with the thought, 'what are the other men/women like? Would I have had a better marriage with another type of mate?'

Dating provides the context for exploring answers to these questions and determining our suitability for marriage.
fr: The Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hate dating plain and simple. I do believe with Gary that this is the best opportunity to discover others and discover ourselves. However, to do so in the dating scene is like juggling a tennis ball and a basketball.

Instead of dating every friendship or acquaintance shows me the strengths and weaknesses in me. I learn how to serve others and I discover the person I will marry.

In fact I have my own formula on knowing Mr Keeper when he walks into my world. So why did I think the above was worth jotting down? Because today dating seems to be more about making people objects than humans. For those so do like to date, this could very well be a wake up call.

ripples in Heaven...

A girl and a boy made a chance meeting in a chatroom. Questions and answers flew. Same time same place tomorrow was made. Excitement zipped through the girl. ''Wow! Thank You, Heavenly Father! This guy is so interesting. We click so right!''

They met up a few more times. Email addys exchanged. Long and short emails sent. Then he was absent. She stood still. Like a tidal wave he would flow back out to sea and then come back to land. He was held in high regard in her heart so the long waits were hard. But oh the times when the talks went deep!

So deeply he has touched her that this recent receeding of wave has left her sad and desolate. She has quarrel with God and still no word.

Then a picture came...
She is in Heaven and he is coming over the horizon with his kids on either side. Her tear filled eyes meet his. His eyes try to hold her but like at a party where you never seem to meet up, a mist draws her away.

She always knew she would meet him in Heaven. She longed dreamed of the two meeting .. no running into each others arms. Who cares if it was a huge mushing mess! Two wondering souls finally becoming long last one. To top it off his boy and his girl join in. But when someone pulls away, there is a ripple effect that is far reaching even unto Heaven.

my surface...

I am taking back my depth and cultivating my surface. It is not that I am hiding out but my depth is way too tired and my surface needs some face time to develop.

In the past I have been lacking in the surface and of late have noticed the bloom. It is the sunnier side of me. For those of you who might say that I should not hide my deep dark side, I understand and will not hide it from my loved ones. I do have to argue that the surface part of me makes up the other half of me. It needs to be learned and cultivated. This move is about the whole of me!

life for life ...

For some it was a simple choice
some, the hardest ever
some, a decision made for them
some, a matter of family history
for all it was the highest honor.

For some it was enlisting
some, their number was up
some, just a slave taking the place of their master
some, a job
for all it was a new beginning.

For some it was for an education
some, to provide for a family
some, to protect the homeland
some, to give freedom to the trampled
for all it was a right of passage.

For some it was the love of planes
some, the love of sea
some, the love of fast skies
some, the love of guns
for all it was what they could contribute.

For some it was the open fields of home
some, the rush up the open beaches
some, the sticky jungles of a foreign land
some, the secret missions no one knows
for all it was a fire of the worst hell.

For some in the arms of a beautiful lady
some, in rivers of brotherhood
some, in the presence of enemies
some, all alone but in the keeping of God's angels
for all it laying down their life for another.
~ keeper©
for Memorial Day 2006
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thoughts on war...
Where was God? Why did He allow this to happen?
These questions are in reference to the Holocaust spoken by a Jew who survived and by the German Pope. I too had those questions in secret as tears welled up in my eyes. But it wasn't God who massed murdered. It is a human responsibility. God has given us the freedom to choose life, the freedom to promote life, the freedom to give love, the freedom to delight.....

Sure God could have sent an army of ten thousand angels, but He wanted His angels in human flesh. War isn't the top choice for peace but sometimes it is the only way to free our fellow brothers.

''Honor is a decision we make to place high value, worth, and importance on another person by viewing him/her as a priceless gift and granting him/her a position in our lives worthy of great respect; and love involves that decision into action.'' fr: gary smalley

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13
honoring those who have fallen & their families ...

firsts!!! Indy 500 to burn corn!!!

Woooo Wheeeeeeee! I just love it!!!

Corny? Indy Cars Are Moving to Ethanol
By Associated Press EDDIE PELLS
Updated: 05/26/06

INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana
This Sunday will mark the first Indianapolis 500 in which all the cars burn ethanol, the corn-based fuel additive that has been generating more buzz in the wake of the current spike in gasoline prices and the heightening search for American-grown renewable energy.

Where else to make a big splash but the heartland, a stone's throw away from the cornfields of Indiana?
© 2005 HappyNews.com

I never thought I would turn green. I do believe we need to take care of our world, but I often felt so small about it.

I have taken my pen and written many times with no good outcome from it, but I will take up my pen again. My new target is the jeep company and my state. My next jeep must be a flex engine jeep. My state and my county is big on corn fields. I have seen the farm land shivel up. It is time for ethonal farm plants. It is time to follow Brazil and be independant from foreign oil. It is a matter of environment and security.

touch ...

Babies who are held, hugged, and touched tenderly develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. The same is true of the elderly. Visit the nursing homes of this nation and you will find that the residents who receive affirming touch have a more positive spirit and do better generally than those who are not touched. Tender, affirming physical touch is a fundamental language of love.

Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love. If the person's primary love language is physical touch, your touches will speak much louder than the words ''I hate you'' or ''I love you.'' Withhold touches and you will isolate and raise doubts about your love.

Whatever there is of you resides in your body. To touch your body is to touch you. When someone withdraws from your body, they distance themselves from you emotionally.

Becoming fluent in the love language of physical touch requires that you be sensitive to the desires of the other person. The time, the place, and the mannoer in which you touch are all important.

*It is almost always inappropriate to touch someone when he or she is angry. Anger is an emotion that pushes people away from each other. If you attempt to hug a person when he or she is angry, you will almost always be rebuffed. Physical touch on such occasions comes across as an effort to control; it strikes at the person's need for independence. Thus, he pulls away from your touch.

*Touches are usually appropriate after a person has made a major accomplishment. It is a means of celebrating a victory. Conversely, times of failure are also times for expressing the love language of physical touch. When people are down on themselves because they have not lived up to their potential, physical touch can communicate genuine love and concern.

Every individual is unique. If you want to be successful in relationships, you must learn not only the love language but the dialect in which the other person best receives love.

The love language of physical touch never uses force but always seeks the appropriate time, place, and mannoer in which to express affirming touch.
fr: ''The Five Love Languages for Singles'' by Gary Chapman

: Q : What types of physical touch do you consider affirming? uncomfortable?
: Q : For the 'touchers' in your life, how might you reciprocate their love?
: Q : If someone has drawn back from your touch, why do you think that is the case?

Touch doesn't come natural to me. I like my space and get uneasy when someone invades my quarters. This ora around me is the place I live. Its my home. No one messes with my home.

Looking back over my childhood we were not the hugging family. However, I knew that when I was at my lowest my parents arms were there waiting to envelope me. I can count on one hand the times I needed physical touch to heal up my shattered emotions. (... a band trip where the bus broke down and with college roommate crushing my confidence ... ) I guess maybe I am an independent. I went off to camp and college with no homesickness. I was scared to death sure ... but I moved calmly on the outside ... maybe a little numbness too help ... but I was a major sponge soaking in all my surroundings.

Only recently have I seen first hand how touch with its love transforms relationships and people. In conversation with a loved one I asked him what his love language was. He responded that it was touch. Having heard bits about his childhood, I was surprised that his love language wasn't words so I questioned him on this. He responded that the hard words never mattered much. Rather it was the lack of good touch that effected his self-esteem. I rolled this info around in my heart. Wow. I can see through the physical and see right though to his marriage problems and his struggle to become the guy he is today. A marriage where touch turned violent. On the flip side ... have to be honest here ... lack of touch might have been a factor too.

He shared with me the good of touch too. I know his favorite touch cravings ... his scalp and his toes are very needy ... shirts have to have the right feel, must be soft .... yet he likes brushes to bare skin. Yikes!!!! I have tried brushes to bare skin and I don't like it so much.

He really opened up the world of touch to me, but only recently have I moved from the thought process and tried it out in action. There are two little vintage church ladies that have come up to me and hugged me. At the time my thought was 'ok, now you did it. You came into my space and gotten your perfume all over me. From this Sunday forward you will never get away from me without me hugging you.' At the beginning I think I caught the one off guard as she stuck out her hand for hand shake and I came at her with a hug. Funny how the hugs began to change me. It opened up ourselves to each other on a level unreachable by words.

Because of these ladies, I began to make a conscious effort to hug my Dad everytime I was with him. He likes to debate and I just can't handle it even though I love words of affirmation. ( well, that explains it. I like affirming words and in a debate there is nothing stable about it!) Because I would avoid debates, our relationship began to suffer and I did not like that. So I made a pact with myself to hug Dad. Let me tell you, it works.

I have not experienced touch in an intimate way with a special someone. And so you know that I am NOT a lost cause with touch, I have often dreamed of Arms hugged me to a safe and secure chest. To me that is the most secure place when 'storms' hit. No wonder I love the Bible passages about the Everlasting Arms holding me up. I also have this image that when someone is touching you it is a sign language for love. I love the picture that sign language gives a visual person and this picture of hands whispering to skin 'I love you. You are beautiful. You are strong ... ' is something I hold dear and cherish.

One other thing that I learned about touch that has my mind awhirl is that the tip of our tongue is highly sensitive. No wonder my loved one loves food. No not just eating the food but the texture and the feel of it. It is like I walked in on something intimate!

I often wonder why my eyes leak so much in Sunday Morning Church. I now understand that it is because God 'touched' me. My tears are my evidence of His Intimate Presence no matter if in tears of sadness or if in tears of joy. His Love for me is offen are expressed by His Word. I feel His caress in my heart. It is a soft and simple God-Touch, a God-Connection.

Touch indeed has opened wide my love tank. I am richer ...

tank'en on love: signing up for messing

our daily manna ...

Every trial comes gift-wrapped
with a treasure ready to be found inside.

His Mercies are new every morning
- a fresh cup of life { , love, & joy } every day.
gary smalley

Dearest God of Isreal & of Your New Kingdom,
You provide manna daily for Your chosen people. You continue to provide manna to Your adopted children each new morning. As I savor and taste, Your manna is sweet and divine. I am renewed. I am weak and yet I am confident in Your Strength alone. I can love because my cup overflows of Your Heavenly Love. Your table never is bare. I am content and full. You are the Lover of my soul. How can my love ever match Yours? It doesn't matter. You hold me to Your Chest with Everlasting Arms. I hear Your Heartbeat. Hugggers!
~ always Your little girl

signing up for messy...

I just feel so strongly about going through the 'for better' and 'for worse' with someone not just in a marriage, but with families and with deep friendships.

Take families for instance. Have you ever heard that if you want a close knit family, go camping? I thought about this and looked into my own camping stories. One that stands out is the night we had to sleep in the car because we arrived to late to the campsite. There was lightening. The only choice for my father was to have his young family sleep in the car. Mom had the back seat and Dad the front. My brother had the back foot area and I had the front passenger foot area. Sure I was only five but it is a memory that I remember that keeps us. Now we look fondly at these memories and smile. My camping memories really didn't include worse moments but it is still glue that holds us together.

Here is a memory passed to me that connects me to my grandfather I never got to know. My parents where coming home from their job at the hospital and Dad being so tired fell asleep at the wheel. We hit a tree. The emergency and my grandfather were called. I believe my grandfather reached the scene before the emergency team did. He ignored my parents and grabbed me into his safe arms. I will always remember this fondly. I have this connection that my siblings unfortunately do not have. This memory keeps my grandfather special to me.

In several lives past I had a huge run in with a student. I being small in nature got myself backed up against the wall as the student preceeded to get angry with me. It got ugly but with time our teacher student relationship stuggle back to respect. It was a very valuable lesson for both of us. I treasure this student and the experience I got from it.

What really puzzles me as I weigh the worse moments is when I see how going through tradegy with a stranger can bond you to them. Like I recently heard the story of an Australian mountain climber met up with a total stranger to climb. A normal mountain climb turned bad to worse as a rock fell on the Australian. (You really should hear the whole story. You would not believe what that Australian climber had to indure) The Aussie had to put his trust in a complete stranger to get him help. The stranger was sure that he would find his new climber friend dead. The Aussie was still alive but would lose his legs. These two strangers have this bond that sticks.

We know many stories of strangers going through tradegy together and they talk of this sticky stuff that keeps them friends. If strangers can have this through hard times, why can't lovers? why can't families? why can't deep friends? Wouldn't you want your most trusted loyalists to experience your worse?

I would!

Life and love is a messy thing. When you add humans to the mix, you have to expect messy times. Marriages has a contract that you sign your name up for better and for worse. Family is an unspoken agreement. When I have this inner sense of depth with another, I have agreed and signed up for better and for worse.

I have a deep friendship on a resperator. I am pumping the heart and giving my breath. Would it be any different if I would have voiced my commitment? I thought I did ...

So what is my payoff? What benefits are there to signing up for better or for worse?

*A bond so deep and strong that no one can understand but the two of you.

*Two people becoming one.

*A traveling partner that won't let you stumble without covering you.

*Someone to lean on in human form.

*Someone to validate your existence.

Ok, payoffs are in human measurement, but God made us to connect with each other. He wanted us to crash into each other. So I continue to whisper my commitment to God daily. He is my Source. Only by His Still Voice am I waiting ....

tank'en on love : lovemarked

about reception ...

* a good fit
* was an opening to express my new found joy
* I am weak in speaking
* I am shy in outward reach
* will perfect my speaking
* will perfect my 'touch'
* will learn to disfuse anger
* will be the first face of 'customer service'

I had a rough go with the telephone calls coming in on Tuesday. Always frustrating putting phone calls though to people who won't answer their calls. It is hard to listen to the compliants. I will never get others to understand the importance of answering issues. I will never get them to walk in my shoes.

I have been reading "God Works the Night Shift''. I found great comfort in God putting us in overwhelming situations to work out His Strength. So I made the above list and committed over my weakness to God. I worked out a plan to be the first friendly face of customer service. My days went better because I bowed to God's Awesome Strength.

something to say ...

''Do you have something to say? Then you can write a song.''
~ John Rich, a country songwriter and singer

Wow, I am keeping that piece of advice even though he said to someone else. I had narrowed down my writing dream to maybe lyrics of a song. Even that is a huge dream. Now it is time to explore the songwriting as well as a book. Now that is some dream.

I do have something to say. Blogging has given be a beginning, a channel to express all the stuff of life. I am richer. I am fuller. I don't feel choked up anymore from supression. I still can be a quiet strength and yet be free to speak.

books on extraordinary courage ...

* With a Little Faith by Jude Stringfellow

* For more information on Faith, visit www.faiththedog.net.

* Front of the Class by Brad Cohen

* A Test of Will: One Man's Extraordinary Story of Survival by Warren Macdonald

lovemarked ...

I urge you to live a life
worthy of the c a l l i n g you have received.
Be completely humble & gentle; be patient
bearing with one another in LOVE.
eph 4:1-2

I know I am plucking a verse up from the rest of the chapter. I might even twist it around in the light to capture a different color. But here goes it ....

'I urge you to live a LIFE worthy to the CALLING you have received' ...
What are you called to do? Is it to be a father? or a mother? or a wife? or a husband? or just plain ol singlehood? Yes, these are callings. Professions like being a pastor or a teacher or a missionary or even your ordinary job are callings too, but have you really thought about who you are as a person is a calling?

I have to be real serious with myself. I am single and there are no little sailboats on my horizon. I must live my life worthy of what the Almighty has given me. He has given this girl a life of singlehood. I am going to live it fully alive as He would want. Sure I cannot hide my wishes and aches. He knows them quite well. He has heard all my sighs and groans.

It is hard to be patient when you are judged by others for this calling. I will do so with head held high. Of late I find myself pigging out on how to perfect my touch. I am trying to reach out and speak with love. How cool is God to have brought this verse to me. These words end with the importance of love. Being His child means to be lovemarked. The only way to live up to the worthy of my calling is to make sure my actions and my touch are soaked in love ...

love tank: quality time

blue pumpkin seeds awaiting ...

the facts ...
I am crazy about blue. I am crazy about unique things. I am crazy about Australia. If I spend mula on seeds or plants, I am quite miffed if they fail.

I found Australian blue pumpkins seeds in the next state west of here. Ordered and have them sitting on my hutch just waiting for spring. I was told that Mother's Day would be a good planting time for pumpkin seeds. However, we have had huge amounts of rain for the past week. With Mom being sick and the rain, the parents yard needed to be tamed. No time to plant blue pumpkin seeds from Oz.

behind the facts ...
Feelings of disappointment wash over me. I know there is always next weekend. But I am realllllll skiddish when it comes to seeds. They are a mystery to me. Will those seeds pop open and bear these unique blue pumpkins??? Is it to late? Will they fail because of something I did or didn't do? Like did I keep the cool or warm enough? I calculate out 100-105 days. June, July, August, sometime in September.... hmmm, will that give the blue pumpkins enough time? Am I trying to plant something that won't like the climate here? Australia can be awfully hot. Please! I don't want to have wasted my money on failed attempts of something unique, something like blue pumpkins....

My little bro, 2nd year gardener, already has his American orange pumpkins growing ... all from throwing out a pumpkin. Last year he grew a pumpkin vine from seed. He was too late in planting and the blossoms would just pop off.

Can you blame me for being disappointed?

Parents yard spruced up. Gerianiums are lining the the flowerbeds. The golden raspberries are relocated to the berry area. Porches degrimed of winter soot. All this is a victory. I'll wait .... impatiently!

mad chow : diverticulitis

mindful of doves, mindful of our trying times ...

I had to share this moment.  The place where I work is going through some lean times hence the reason my job was cut and I was moved back to the reception.  Us poor humans need sooo much encouragement and our Gracious God always knows how to pick us up.  If He is mindful of sparrows, He is surely mindful of us.  He promised and He never goes back on a promise!!

  Kenny's email:

In these trying times this is a story that  people will  know that GOD  still works miracles :

I was changing  jigs to run different boat  when I brought in station 1 and  found a  nest with two baby birds in it  . They rode over from Bld. 14 to Bld. 5 line 5  never fell out but cold . We put nest with the birds,   never touching birds just  nest with rags in a box .I toke them back to bld. 14 placed them still in nest at same place they where on other jig  put jig back in rack  hoping  she would come back and find them . I returned about 15 minutes later and  found her sitting on her nest .  The Mom & Baby's are Doves  Just like the Mom returning to the nest to keep her babies alive  the orders  will pick up to keep business alive  and well . thank you have a nice day.
--Kenny Line 5 Supervisor 

Look at the birds of the air;
they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not much more valuable than they?
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
matt 6:26-27

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?
Yet not one of them will fall to the ground
apart from the will of your Father
So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”
matt 10:29-31

His Eye is on the Sparrow
Why should I feel discouraged,
why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely,
and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion?
My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,”
His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness,
I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth,
but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted,
whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing,
when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him,
from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain
I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
written by Civilla D. Martin

liquid gold ...

What a most beautiful morning!!!  A thunderstorm went through leaving the morning drenched in a blanket of  wet.  However, the bright yellow sun put forth its mightiest face and bathed the dampened heavy earth with golden blades of shimmer.  The white puffy clouds joined in the party with smooth sailing across bright blue skies.  With a weeks worth of rain, rain, and more rain the grass has gone crazy wild and unruly!  But who cares with all the rich colors dancing the wild thing today! 
Thank You, Awesome Creator for such a morning as this!  You bless me and who am I?

moment captured : beauty of rain

3 things to need ...

"Whatever you do in life if you make it 95% of your life, you have a better chance of being successful. But when that is gone, 95% of your life is gone. It is dangereous. So I set around myself things I am equally passionate about.

You need three things in your life: someone to love, something to do, and somthing to look forward to. ~ Kenny Rogers on the Martha show

~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~
I thought this was an interesting thinker. Kenny is also a photographer.. more like a really good photograper. He choose taking pictures to be passionate about just in case his singing career went dry.

I am on the right track then with writing and painting being my duel passions.

I was also intrigued by the last part of this .... needing someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.... brilliant thought journeys to daydream on!!!

Whom do you love?
What do you do passionately?
What do you look forward to?

quality time ...

what it is ...
* inborn need of togetherness
* human interaction
* close ties
* need for connectedness
* undivided attention

what it is not ...
* being with yet doing something else
* being with but in the teaching or service mode

Q: Are you energized when you spend quality time with others, or does it tend to deplete you emotionally?
Q: With whom have you spent quality time this week? Was your time together primarily quality conversation or quality activities?

As humans, we have a fundamental desire to connect with others. We may be in the presence of people all day long, but we do not always feel connected.

Mass murderer Charles Manson said, "Most of the people at the ranch that you call the 'family' were just people that you did not want, people that were alongside the road. Their parents kicked them out, so I did the best I could and took them on my garbage dump."

dialects ...
quality conversations...
Quality conversation is quite different from the love language words of affirmation. Affirming words focus on what we are saying, where as quality conversation focuses fully on what we are hearing. If I am sharing my love for you by means of quality time and we are going to spend that time in conversation, it means I will focus on drawing you out, listening sympathetically to what you have to say. I will ask questions, not in badgering manner but with a genuine desire to understand your thoughts, feelings, and desires.

If I invest thirty minutes in such conversation with you, I have given you thirty minutes of my life. Quality converstion communicates that I care.

quality listening
1) Maintain eye contact when you are listening to someone.
2) Don't engage in other activities while you are listening to another individual.
3) Listen for feelings.
4) Observe body language.
5) Refuse to interrupt.
6) Ask reflective questions. reflect back a statement made into a ?
7) Express understanding.
8) Ask what would be helpful.
Twice as much time will be spent in listening as in talking. The dividends, however, are enormous. The person feels respected, understood, and loved, which is the goal of quality conversation.

quality activities
"I feel most loved and appreciated by ______________ when ____________."

Quality activities may include anything in which one or both of you have an interest. The emphasis is not on what you are doing but on why you are doing it. The purpose is to experience something together, to walk away from it feeling, ' he cares about me; he was willing to do something with me that I enjoy, and he did it with a positive attitude.' That is love, and for some people, it is love's loudest voice.

When an activity is to be a means of expressing love, the most important thing will always be not the activity, but being with the other person.

One of the by-products of quality activities is that they provide a memory bank from which to draw in the years ahead.

It may require you to give up some individual activities. It will mean you do some things that you don't particularly enjoy, but it will give you pleasures of loving, entering, into another's world, and learning to speak the love language of quality time.
fr: Gary Chapman's ''The Five Love Languages for Singles

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Quality Time comes in second to my primary Love Language of Words of Affirmation especially quality conversation. Hey, I will take quality activities too. I love to ask people questions. I love to listen to them. I like to know how they have gotten to today. I like to know how they think and learn. I want to know why they act in the manner that they do. I love to listen. I love to learn about them. I love the give and take. I love how it makes me feel.

The one thing that I thought was interesting was the one question... 'When you spend quality time with others, does it deplete you?' I know of someone who gives and gives. He goes into isolation mode when he feels depleted and this is not his primary love language! I could never understand this. Sure I get tired of people and just want to hide out for a while, but to isolate myself from others I just was not allowed to do that at home. As an adult we must understand balance and take care of ourselves. I feel strongly that if you find yourself depleted, you over did it. You must spend quality time with yourself. You must spend quality time with others who boost your moral. You must spend quality time with God the Ultimate Source.

So true that if I spend this quality time with you, that it was time well spent of my life for you. This is a good give and take.

love tank : acts of service

beauty of rain ...

Rain is predicted for the next five days. I love going to bed with the steady beat of the rain hitting my home. Nothing scary last night ... no storms just heavy raindrops...

This morning more rain as I scurried to work. So what is beautiful about rain? The sound and how it fills a thirsty earth. The farmers have combed their fields and now green seedings have parted the soil. As far as the eye can see are baby corn plants in rows dressed in baby green uniforms.

There is a bit of wind with this rain. The trees are shaking their grove, whipping their beautiful deep leaves this way and that. Even my jeep is bluer its rain bath!

Even though I got pretty soaked doing errands this evening. The rainy day was pretty puddle-licious .. more so after coming home to allow the rain and the walls of my home to stand between me and the rest of the world!!!!

Thank You, Heavenly Father for cozy rainy days! My soul thirsts and You fill! Huge hugggers!!!!

moment captured : perfect spring day

acts of service ...

: what it is :
* essence of the Christian's faith .. ie: Jesus washing the feet of the disciples
* 'serve one another'
* those who truly excel have a genuine desire to serve others
* highest pinnacle man ever scales
* freely given .. a choice
* 'more blessed to give than to receive'

: what it is not :
* slavery
* manipulation
* coercion
: Q : What acts of service have you done lately?
: Q : What kind of act of service would fill you?

... difference between service and slavery ... When people serve others because they are forced to do so, freedom to truly serve is lost. Slavery hardens the heart. Slavery creates anger, bitterness, and resentment.

A doormat is an inanimate object. You can wipe your feet on it, step on it, kick it around, or do whatever you like with it. It has now will of its own. It can be your servant, but not your lover. When you treat another peroson as an object, you preclude the possibility of love.

No person should ever be a doormat. We are creatures of emotion, thoughts, and desires. We have the ability to make decisions and take action. Allowing oneself to be used or manipulated by another is not an act of love. It is, in fact, an act of treason. You are allowing the person who is manipulating you to develop inhumane habits. Love says, "I love you too much to let you treat me this way. It is not good for you or me." Love refuses to be manipulated.

True love often finds its expression in acts .... freely given, not out of fear, but out of choice.

For some singles this love language comes easy. They grew up in homes where they were taught that 'actions speak louder than words.' ...

Other singles will find this love language extremely difficult to speak. Their family of origin emphasized everyone fending for himself. "Don't expect me to take care of you" is the message those people heard during their childhoods. Consequently the focus of their lives is looking out for their own needs. They expect everyone else to do the same.

When someone speaks our primary love language, we are drawn to them emotionally. We have high positive regard for them. We want to do something that will enhance their lives and reciprocate their love to us. { sooo true }

When we learn to speak each other's love language early in our relationships, we are able to keep each other's love tanks full. fr: "The Five Love Languages for Singles" by Gary Chapman

~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Acts of Service doesn't fill my love tank like words, but I have thought about it. One act of service for me would be to scrape my windows off on those frosty winter mornings =) Knowing to how to graciously receive a love language especially not your primary language is key too. You have to honor and praise the effort. Always.

Being a student of a loved one is key. Think ahead and know what might be special to have done for them. I made sure I taped a tv show my mother was keeping tabs on. She was in the hospital so most likely she would miss the finale. Now if I can get it out of my vcr intact, we will be all set. I have grimlins sinking their teeth in and won't let me have the tape! This simple act is showing love.

I think acts of service is my mom's love language. Might be a close second to most mothers since they are always serving their families! Back to my mother.... I remember my mother taking me back to the bathroom sink, the one I supposedly cleaned! She said, "If you really care about something, you will make sure you get it done and done right." This phrase has stuck with me. If you really want to do something, you will bend over backwards to acheive it! Love is an action!

About manipulation and slavery .... wow! I know I have this. No wonder it didn't feel good. No wonder I would rebel. No wonder how frustrated I would get. And to think I encouraged this bad behavior. Once you know the feeling, keep it so you can recognize it quicker the next time.

love tank: gifts

holding me in the Storm ...

Dear Heavenly Father,
You messed up my plans but You did hold me as the 'storm' went through me. You kept me safe. You cleared up the mess and to think it was a huge miscommunication!!!! I still have one smaller 'storm' to confront. Just so glad the big one is done.

I hate discord. I hate confrontation. I hate yelling. I hate the burn and the boil of my insides melting and quaking. So no, not happy that the anger got so bad. But I am happy to figure out a process for me to work through when people hurt me or when things go bad. I think I will be able to quench the anger quicker and better. I also know now how to ask the right questions in others when they are going though a rough patch.

I am exactly where I need to me. I know this because of how the events played out even if they didn't offer the AR to me until now. I find peace knowing that my hands where off the planning. It was God's Design and not my own scramblings.

Thank You for keeping me in Your best interest. I am actually smiling and feel pretty good. Huggers!!!! Thank You for Your Mercy and Peace!!!! I love You.
always Your girl

can I be mad at God?

My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer ... ~ King David in Ps 22:1-2

About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice , "My God, My God why have you forsaken me? Matt 27:46

"Prayer doesn't change God; it changes me."
C.S. Lewis in Shadowlands

Dear Lord,
I invite Your Mercy upon such a sinner and worm as I. I am too weak to carry this pressure. My Joy You so cultivated in my journey is eluding me. Peace is replaced with turmoil. Calm is crushed by torrents of rain. I so long to run out of this den of thieves and straight into the Your ocean of acceptance and Love.

Lord, I am going to confront those that have hurt me tomorrow. I fear this. My past has failures. I invite You to be my words soft and firm. I long to hear You call out, "Peace! Be still!"

my choice ...

''You choose:
where to be, how to act, what to say, what to do, whom to be with, what to concentrate on, what to believe, when to go along, when to resist, whom to trust, whom to avoid, what behaviors to emit in reaction to what stimuli, what to say to yourself about: self, others, risks, needs, rights.

"One of the most important choices I make daily
is how I present and define myself to other people.
My attitude of approach dictates what I get back."
Dr Phil in "Life Strategies"

: What I want to experience :
I want to experience a fresh beginning. I want to redefine a work relationship. I want to experience and build upon my reception duties. I want joy to pour out of me. I want others to experience my smile. I want to be able to redefine the job decription and open up a bit of the schedule so that I do not feel like a burden for others when they have to cover my lunches and time off. I want to continue on my personal life journeys of personal touch.

: What I need :
I need to feel that I can need. I need to be listened too. I need to feel what I feel. I need a calm place to work so I can do my best job. I need those above me to be more transparent and not hide things from view so I know they are trying to have the best work environment. I need others to stop pressuring me. I need to be fine with letting others know that they hurt me. I need to be conscious of my approach and not be afraid. I need peace. I need my Joy back.

: I choose :
I choose to be joyful. I choose to use kind words. I choose to affirm the person as well as the work environment. I choose to be with those who affirm me. I choose to confront those that hurt me with meekness. I choose to concentrate on doing a good job. I choose to avoid confrontation but I choose to work things out. I choose to be around happy stimuli. I choose to be good to myself. I choose to take a risk to change things up a bit { yikes } I choose to be ok with my needs. I choose to take this new learning and use it on me and others. I choose to keep my hand in God's Almighty Hand.

releasing the secret burden ...

What I want to experience is a release and an ear. I think there needs to be an accounting of events. I want to be very frank and I want to be safe in saying so.

Monday I was pulled in by HR and my manager. I was told that in order to keep the business a float that my job was no longer needed. My job was only created for the change over and now that is done, it is time to close it down. Never mind the change over was months ago and my work load is the same load. I was told that they did not want me to leave. The option was to take over the reception job. I pretty sure that I heard my pay would be dropped and capped. Do I want the job? I said yes. Why would refuse? Then I was to keep quite about it because they have not told others that would be involved. I could understand that because it really puts me in an odd place. Who wants to replace someone else or be the 'one who takes your job' even if you understand the seniority process?

Later after thinking over what just happened, I realized that in the shock I forgot to ask and clarify. Where there other options? Did I hear the pay amount correctly?

A side note is that when I told my mother what happened, she shared news that the very next day she would go into surgery! A double mental blow. A distraction. Both areas needed my time and attention.

Just before I left for the day on Monday, the receptionist's manager came to me and told me to keep quiet because the receptionist did not know. Oh, and that she had an option for her. I am like oh great, how long am I going to have to keep this under my hat? I should not be put in this position.

Day after day went by and the secret had to be kept. Then there are signs of demotions and positions let go. Still the secret had to be kept.

Friday morning I could not handle it anymore. I was enraged not because the night before my mother was in severe pain but because it was too much to ask for the secret to be kept. In fact it is wrong.

I was presured by two co-workers what was up. I exploded. I said I cannot tell you and left the room. My manager called me into her office and thanked me for a job well done. I said I enjoyed working for her. Stupid tears. Oh, I didn't mean to make you cry she says. I said it was a lot with my mother having surgery and being in pain. All truth but then she is like takes that as being the issue. Then she says that we still gotta keep quiet because nobody knows!

After that HR emails and says you want to talk? What do I want to talk when I am livid? NO WAY! I know what can happen when I am mad and try to talk! Bad things happen. Do I want to lose my job for throwing a fit? Do I want to hurt someone else? Delete goes the email.

Lots of surrying in the hallways could be heard! Then my manager pulls the rest of the department in our office and tells them where I was going etc. OH, and to keep quiet about because certain parties involved where not told.

After everyone leaves my manager asks if I need to talk to HR. I said no. I am not talking about my mother because she is not the issue. It is the handling of the situation and I am getting hotter by the minute.

Then I have a co-worker start in on me. He asks if my moving to the receptionist job was my issue in the morning. I begin that it isn't right to keep it from the receptionist. Then he goes into how the receptionist feels about the job and that she is getting moved and that she is alright about. Now if I would allow myself, I would have loved to tear into him. Stop telling me how to feel and start listening. This is wrong.

Then I hear that the girl in AR is getting fired and that I declined the AR position so the receptionist is going to be moved over there. What a minute! I was never offered the AR position. That is a false statement. { Because I am making a life decision to get it straight from the horse's mouth, I will be going to the source and others to find out what was truly said and to clarify. }

I am releasing my anger over the burden to keep quiet. Managers need to be accountable for their actions. They are going to have to be transparent if they want their employees to stay loyal and to keep a good working environment. I have noticed a lot of scurrying around the job load to keep their employees. Other managers that don't even fight for saving jobs. I see loads of money walking out the door in the paper and the company vehicles.

building blocks of America

"Without God there could be no American form of government nor an American way of life. Recognition of the Supreme Being is the first - the most basic - expression of Americanism." ~ President Eisenhower stated in 1955

liberty

people whispering ...

A horse-whisperer does not go to people to get information on a particuliar horse. No, he observes from afar and gets closer until he is scratching underneath the chin and looking directly into those deep dark eyes. He is listening to every movement and detail. Yes, he is actually listening to the very voice of the horse. Horses do speak! He then knows what the horse is good at and draws out though those strengths. He never forces the horse beyond his limits. Rather he pushes on the horse's strengths to exceed. Big difference.

As the horse-whisperer so the people-whisperer needs to be conscious of these two concepts. You have to go directly to the source and not depend on other people to get a tempurature of the person or the situation. It muddles your read. You damage the person much like when a horse is forced beyond what the knee can put out. You just put down the person for the sake of your own wishes.

It is all about the person's path and his God-Given gifts and talents that he was brought into this world with and not some other agenda. Much like the horse-whisperer, a people-whisperer must keep his hands off the reigns. No pushing buttons. That is forcing the person beyond his limits. Pushing buttons is weaking the soul. Its breaking the spirit. That is dangereous to have on your hands. Listen to the strengths. Get to know the needs.

1a. Do not whisper in my ear about all the other person's feelings. You just stopped listening to my own heartache.
1b. Stop whispering to others what you think other people feel. Make them go listen.
2. Stop pushing my buttons!

'back off & leave me be!' . . .

I am so glad to have a space to let out my steam where I can listen and answer my needs. My world is messy in all areas. Two storms hit at one time this past Monday... my mother's surgery and my job placement. It was a slow burn and it boiled over Friday in full blown ANGER!

By the way my Mom's path is now of recovery and a path through pain. Thursday night was a huge concern as her pain was extreme and her temp went up. But thankfully she was much better and chipper Friday. What a huge comfort she was! She listened to my anger and it was just what I needed.

about need ...
I am soooooooooooooooo sick of people who try to be there for you by saying come talk. I did and all I have gotten from this person is how I should feel and this is from Human Resources! Then what really gets me is there is this guy who has to tell me how this person or that person feels. Good Grief!!!! I am not an idiot! I am quite sure that I have a bit of a gift when it comes to empathy. { Scary thought for me and I feel I have some learning in this area. He 'ain't' my teacher either so stop pushing my buttons! } What I do know for sure is that be an empathizer is to listen not from other people but from the source. And when he is chatter up a storm to HR, to the manager, and to others about how so&so feels, then he is not representing the person correctly because he wasn't listening in the first place. { Thanks to him for getting me so livid that I couldn't recover! }

As I was sitting in my own fuming, I realized what I needed! ... what any person in anger or in pain or in frustration needs! An unassuming person with a great ear and a simple question .. "What do you need?" What a powerful question and a great way to begin a new path.

Because I want to be an accomplished writer someday, I am using this question in a daydream, fleshing out a character who cares, who listens, and encourages me to answer that simple question. That character started out as me then it became man to stand up to that insensitive guy. It is back to me again and it will continue to morph where I need to sweep up and move on.

This coming Monday is a BEGINNING. I am making changes and I must get my back up to confront those who have been hurting me. It is allowed to tell them to stop.

about anger....
I can get a huge dose of anger when pushed to the wall time and time again and especially when people assume what I feel. It is quite all right to not want to be messed with in these moments. I am not good with the spoken word. It is quite all right for me to be silent at this time. I would rather be silent until I get my barrings than to explode with all my wrath and hate myself. Lets not forget all the damage that I could inflect upon myself in the process like losing the job all together. So silent I will be. Let me get to my safe place. Let me work it out. Let me begin again. I am quite Self Smart. Now is the time to be my own best friend, my own Life Manager, my own path carver. I too want to rememer this sacred moment and use this when I have someone in my life with anger, pain, or frustration.

Back off and leave me be!