gut beliefs ...

I have 'gut beliefs'. These beliefs I have questioned God on and amazingly He has proved them to me (only when I asked Him .. shoud have asked sooner!).

My conflict belief:
I don't like conflict but I feel that if you work it out together it helps make the relationship stronger. It is not a place where I want to win. What I want is a better connection. I've been reading Gary Smalley's book ''Making Love Lasts Forever'' and he confirms my belief that conflict opens the door to intimacy (ch 13). The key to making conflict work is getting to the core of the *feelings and *needs of both. With that in mind you both work towards a *win-win solution. (YES!! Perfect!)

ie: I had a student who I butted heads with but afterwards, the relationship worked out better. I was amazed at this young man's change of attitude! Looking back we both expressed feelings and needs. There was listening and reaching out. It was pretty cool feeling to make it work!

my fear of anger belief:
You can say that I am just a fraidycat. I hate anger. I hate it when someone raises their voice. I hate it when there is a fight especially when the physical get involved. See when it happens my insides melt and my mind shuts off and my tongue goes haywire. Why do I get so worked up? Plus, I have to admit that I have had my own angry moments. I know when anger gets me moving and when it can hurt me. But honestly there is a bigger issue here.

To look at my llj blog it seems that I am obsessed with anger of late. Yes, I admit it is true. Anger is the opposite of Love and of Joy. But the bigger truth is that anger is a killer of Love and of Joy. After seeing what anger can do to my journey and having such a life transforming Joy Epiphany, I am on my soapbox big time.

Again from Gary Smalley's ''Making Love Last Forever'' (ch 13), Gary has a very interesting study he refers to:

Studies of the family by Murray Straus have shown that individuals who vent their anger tend, over time, to produce more and more anger and to vent it more and more vigorously until they finally resort to physical violence... Venting anger almost invariably gets the other person angry too, and then you are going to need more and more anger to continue the fight.

Wow, just to vent? Wow, it really is important to get to the cause of anger...

no discipline feeds anger

personality vs privilege