standing alone ...

When something happens a third time, I worry that I am not learning the lesson. I would much rather hear God on the Whisper and not the Roar!

I got a phone call from my good friend from high school. She is Vietnamese and she is always checking with me to see if she is getting her wires crossed between the Vietnamese, Asian, and American cultures. Her issue is that she stressed out over a 'friend' for not calling her when the 'friend' said she was to confirm plans. My friend felt that it was rude but wanted a second opinion. Maybe it was ok way to dodge not wanting to make a commitment to just say I'll call.

No, if you say you are going to do something, you better do it. You are only as good as your word is what I told her.

The real issue is here is how both of us stress over what others think of us. In trying to be nice to others, we fail to be nice to ourselves. She runs a bit hot and I run a bit cool. She stresses over the surface concerns and I stress more so over the deep stuff.

So maybe I shouldn't try to do things with others? I hated to admit this but it is true I told her. Give others a chance but if they fail to follow through, you next step is to go it alone! (ie: I refuse to miss a good movie if no one goes with me. I have been a big girl for a long time now. I am the one in the theatre sitting by herself.)

I guess what I am saying that I am not the only one feeling so alone. I thought maybe it was because I was single or maybe it is a family trait that needs to be broken. But my friend is married and feels alone when it comes to shopping or just hanging out. I look back at my mother as us kids where growing up and she had the same issues.

I am believing that the women circles you hear about (ya-ya-sisterhoods)is a total myth. If this is so, our world is missing out on a lot. If the women are becoming self absorbed without caring about the buddy system, no wonder our world is becoming more and more violent. The beauty is dying out.

So what am I worried about hearing on the Whisper and not the Roar? Three times my past has knocked on my door this weekend. Each time my past has presented me with someone else's perception. I know it isn't what I do in that moment but what I am taking from each knock. Is there something to learn? Or is this a test for me to work out my rudie nudie dash? Or maybe it is to reaffirm my stance on the fat suit problem?

Yup, having a personal menu drawn up and adhered to is very key in this present time. Time to refuse to be anything but solid in who you are and what you put into this world.