stormy new job ...

I was reading Ron Mehl's book called "Surprise Endings". In the chapter about storms I was reading that the best time for plants to grow in not the warm gentle rains or a nice summer day, rather it is when it is storming!

Botanists tell us that if you were to take a cross-section of the earth during a vicious storm, you could literally oberve the roots reaching further down into the soil.

Guess what? Last week I observed this with the corn fields and the tall grasses obscuring the view at country intersections! I almost missed the black cow chewing the cud in the farmer's overgrown grass field. I wonder if he loses track of all of his baby black cows!

Oh, how I hate to admit that I grow during the worst storms in my life. I am a learner by nature but when it hurts I tend to pour it on and figure out how to fix it and not let it happen again. Right now I am in the middle of a realllllllly scary storm. I feel like I am holding a greased bar on a red caboose on a runaway Japanese train. (Yes, I know I am mixing up two different trains but it is my picture!) The back of my neck stands up and I can feel my defience mode settling into my mind. I dislike that feeling. I want to be meek. I must let my spirit rule. {breathes} My new boss wanted to talk about something. Yikes. Doesn't help when the 'teacher' starts my day by saying, 'you are really behind. Better stay late and get caught up.' Goooooood grief! I've been working 9+hrs a day! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Here me roar!!!! Good thing I have some time to reboot...

affectionately...

I was able to thumb through Ronald Reagan's letters that was published this week. I greatly admire men who take the time to write letters and especially love letters. How you write and what you write reveals the inner man and not some paint and plaster. I have admired the love stories of men and women who have written to each other and have fallen in real love before even seeing each other. I wish I could remember the books I read those mail-order-bride stories as a young girl. -sighs-

My brain's inner dialogue has been experimenting with letter writing...

'Today is a warm one. High 80's and sunny. Its Saturday and it is all mine to do with as I please. I made roasted stove top potatoes for lunch to go with my tuna patty. I like to cook something up that I will not do during a weekday. Those potatoes were delish with a bit of salt, butter, and organo. MMMM. I tried a new flower to paint. The Iris. It came out ok. I like to get other's reaction before I will like it. Shame on me. I do enjoy the painting. I love how I feel inside. Finally getting the Iris to come out ok does allow me to take a piece and create for Mom's order. I did finally push myself outside to take a walk. I would rather have a walking buddy so I took God with me. I didn't talk. Hope that was ok. I did drink in the houses and the landscapes the owners have tried to do to their yards. Sure is hot for the beginning of summer. There where a lot of graduation parties that I walked by. Made me nostalgic remembering back to my own high school graduation. It was a beautiful walk and I was quite sweaty when I go home. After cooling down, I shaved ice and added grape juice, lemon juice and sparkling water. MMMM. I decided to write you. Hope my eyes took you away for a bit....'

Funny how writing tidbits of what you did or what happened to you is as important as your great thoughts, beliefs, and issues. It is your eyes to your world and it is conveyed through the paintbrush of your words... I just might have something here...

beauty of a life given ...

'Remember Me!'

This is a great YouTube movie! It will make you smile and your heart hurt a bit.

in God I trust ...

If I had my way, this war would never have been commenced. If I had been allowed my way, this war would have ended before this. But we find it still continues; and we must believe that He permits it for some wise purpose of His own, mysterious and unknown to us; and though with our limited understandings we may not be able to comprehend it, yet we cannot but believe, that He who made the world still governs it.

We are indeed going through a great trail - a fiery trial. In the very responsible position in which I happen to be placed, being a humble instrument in the hands of our Heavenly Father, as I am , and as we all are, to work out His great purposes, I have desired that all my works and acts may be according to His will, and that it might be so, I have sought His aid.
~ Abraham Lincoln, October 6, 1862

I do not doubt that our country will finally come through safe and undivided. But do not misunderstand me... I do not rely on the patriotism of our people... the bravery and devotion of the boys in blue... or the loyalty and skill of our generals...

... But the God of our fathers, Who raised up this country to be the refuge and asylum of the oprpressed and downtrodden of all nations, will not let it perish now, I may not live to see it ... I do not expect to see it, but God will bring us through safe.
~ Abraham Lincoln, June 1863 weeks before the Battle of Gettysburg

When everyone seemed panic-stricken... I went to my room ... and got down on my knees before Almighty God and prayed... Soon a sweet comfort crept into my soul that God Almighty had taken the whole business into His own hands...
~ Abraham Lincoln

Wow! I find huge comfort from a great President of old to the President today - a humble human prespective. Two men alone in their wars but standing in their faith of the Almighty. The human history books will surely pale in the light of the Kingdom's history books. I cannot wait to pour over those Heavenly volumes!

time too fast ...

time for speed
time for slow

time for work
time for rest

time for serious
time for playful

time for depth
time for surface

time for flurry
time for calm

time for balance !

Help! I am in over my head! I work best in a calm steady pace. Work has been break neck warp speed. I've been learning a new job under pressure from the 'teacher'. I've been trying my hardest to survive under the lack of reassurance that I need. I've got a plan to bring in plants and my paintings to combat the numbers. I do detest numbers. What have I got myself into? The stress is toooooo much. Depression is ever inching closer to bowl me over, but I see her out of the corner of my eye. I cannot let the enemy defeat me. Remember the talent story Jesus told? Arn't I suppose to invest the talent He gives me and give the returns back to Him? My talent is detail, hard work, the love of learning. But I must keep what I have learned like my surface, my greetings... I got to do my best and yet keep my playful happy side ever close...

light burden...

... as we travel through life ...
... what we begin the journey with ...
... and what we pick up along the way ...
... what we take with us ...
... is never more important than what weleave behind!
... as we've traveled along life's path, how grateful i am for your company and how grateful i am for your bringing along what I lack. ... but most of all, i'm grateful for what you've left behind when we had to part ... for those provisions sustain me on my journey and lighten my burden. ~ for Susan and all my beautiful fellow travelers in life. ~ T.W.
(Tom Wilson creator of the Ziggy comic strip)

I had saved this comic from 2002 and stumbled on it today. I feel this yet I am not always in the kind frame of mind as this quote. I have had a fellow traveler that left me behind without word to his reasons why. He left me with great memories and yes, these memories have been provisions for my journey. I still have that hunger ache in the pit of my stomach and the burden of this is heavy on my heart. I am grateful for this good gift and I weep in my gratitude to God. I will go forward. I will hold this good gift dear and walk with a light foot. God has promised in His time all things are made beautiful. This departure will be beautiful in His time...

hymn food for the soul...

I never liked Mom's job. She works at the hospital 12 hours daily and 2-3 consecutive days a week. When it is two days in a row it falls every third weekend. Holidays are every other. We are always having to work around her schedule. And trying to get someone to cover a requested day off is impossible. I wanted her support and presence for my glass show and but noooooo. Dad struggles the most on Sunday when Mom works. He doesn't like being alone on that day especially.

Tonight Mom just sat down and poured her heart out. It was a rough two days. She works on the cancer wing. Today a wife was told that her husband's (same age as me) time is now. Mom expressed how God always gives her just the right words to say. Like today she said, 'You cannot handle this alone. You need your support system. Your family is your support. Who can we call?' I don't think she realized God's touch until later. Then she said something profound, 'sometimes we need a support system.'

I made a note to self to let her know that I am glad she expressed herself. I want to be able to support her. Family is your support right? After the hug, she said she was sorry for letting it all out! Come on! No! Let me support! In fact that is my life's role or job.

I asked her if she found that her faith & relationship with God helped her with all the death that comes to her floor. She said definitely. Then she told me about how the Amish (we have a good size community of them here) come and surround their loved one and sing. It could be just young people or a group of family but they come and sing the hymns like how they did at my grandma's funeral last summer. It is parts with no instruments. Often other patients and families ask if the Amish will come by and sing or even just come sing in the hall. The Amish even in their grief and joy come out in the hall and sing. Amazing! Of course I had tears and then made mom cry.

I can't help but think how awesome it would be to make time with someone special or even your whole family up to her floor and sing the old and dear hymns. What a perfect crash op for a barbaric off-road trail.

'is good' ...

The usual means of selecting one's mate is no less dominated by appearances. Those seen as ordinary are NOT considered. But if the calves are a centimeter higher, if the eyes are a centimeter wider, if the clothes come from the right store, if the career gives the right impression, if the accent is from the right part of the country, if the age is less and the hair is more, then the individual is attractive and desirable and worthy of all-comsuming, single minded pursuit. No one would be so dumb as to pick a friend because he or she had good legs, and yet considerations such as that influnence the choice of one's life partner. What comfort is a complexion when you must come home and tell of a business failure? What tenderness and fun can the right height give to your newborn child? And in illness what compassion can come from net worth? Looks good or is good: that is the needed shiftin perception.
'Notes to Each Other" by Hugh & Gayle Prather

Yikes, one makes a list and then one throw it out and then only to have someone walk in one's life as a walking talking human list of exactly what you want then he walks out. Do you keep the list that you made notes on? or do you just live and if another walks in just take it in stide? What if height is in the small letters?

The list is about taking care of yourself and friend should be an important part of that list... keep the list if it has the right stuff on it!

red glass, white flowers to add in the blue...

A Russian proverb states "The darker the night, the brighter the stars." We appreciate so much in the world through contrast: warmth after we have been cold, coolness after sweating, rest after hard work, health after sickness, joy after sorrow. This accounts for our spring thrill. It is only because many of us bave been color deprived that we feel so ecsttic as pinks, reds, yellows, lavenders, oranges, and periwinkles pop from the ground and effusively decorate trees.
taken from a beautiful and a visual vacation magazine called La Vie Claire

I do love winter and this spring I have been enjoying the colors spilling out. I love to make flowers with my paint. Today it was red glass that I choose white flowers with green blue leaves and swirls to adorn it. I know where I am putting it. There is a shelf in my living den where it will dazzle along with all the red, white, and blue things I find so comforting...

petal companions...

Before I could get outside, the rain began to drizzle. No matter, I put on a rain coat and slipped outside with scissors to cut some flowers for myself this three day weekend. I clipped a white-pink peony, a pink peony, and a purple iris. The rain drops was an added bonus. I scared off the big black ants. I know they love peonies with a passion but I was not willing to share my house with them. I pulled down a vase, added cold water and salt, and arranged the flowers. I looked with intensity at how God arranged and formed each intricate petal and leaf. WooWhee, I forgot how fragrant peonies are! I was busy puttering in the kitchen/craftroom whether I was eating or painting and I was never alone! I would get a whiff and just beam. A pure and simple companionship!!!

green rows, red winged, mr & mrs chip

1. Dark earth combed in rows have green corn sprouts growing about an inch stretch out as far as the nearest horizon.

2. Fence post over grown with twigs and green leaves have a red winged black bird sitting sentry looking ... for what I haven't clue. I wouldn't mind sitting there just looking myself especially in the chaos I call my life right now. I work best in calm. go ducks! Sorry, just because I like red wing black birds doesn't mean I will root for them in my favorite sport of hockey!!

3. Giggles that envelopes my heart when I walk out to find mr and mrs chip running around. I can't help but greet them - 'Peek-a-boo, I see you!!'

two yeses ...

I would never parade my pursuit of love with a bunch of other girls after one guy upon the world stage. Watching hearts break and human misery flaunted, gets my gut in a twist. How do you get your heart broken gracefully? Is it even possible? Well, I am going to attempt it.

I feel that you have to have self rules to follow. Of course, you realize this after hurting to many times, yet it seems it is a mistake you will keep making.

If you are going to give everything you got, shouldn't you receive it back? or it isn't love. If you are focused on him and no other, should he have undivided attention for you? or it isn't love. If he deserves a happy ending, shouldn't you deserve a happy ending? Why does the girl go boo-hooing about about what she did wrong or that she was the best or that he doesn't know what he is missing? Shouldn't it be 'love is a choice of two people and not just one.' If my answer is yes but his answer is no, doesn't it mean no, this is not love and get on with my life?

Oh, if it were that easy and hearts did not break...

thinking vs debate

I cannot stand to argue or debate of any kind. I melt in total anger not to mention that my tongue becomes paralyzed. I was intrigued when in one of our four hour phone conversations, he showed me how he brings one into a discussion. It added to his keeper qualities. When our emails and phone conversations became a thing of the past, I had cried out to God. I wanted to know more about this better way to discuss. He had the key and know I would never know.

God being a Wise and Ultimate teacher, sent a book my way. I ate up! Through discovering how the brain works, making maps and supermaps, wanting to make order out of everything, and wanting to learn for self instead of being told what to do, I was being told by God how He designed me and my brain if not all peoples and their brains as well. I am not weird even though I am left with this weird need to think instead of debating without a go-to partner to perfect my thinking.

Thinking is all about asking the right questions with the first question being of permission to ask. I have to give up asking my favorite question - why! I came to that understand of not asking God why questions years back, but now I cannot ask it at all! I can do it especially when I realized that why is all about the past. What or how are questions about now and the future! It is amazing to watch how it works when tried!!!! It is me and myself with this new knowledge. I will succeed.

sea, sand, & shells ...

One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach -
waiting for a gift from the sea.
~ 'Gift from the Sea' by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

whose hurt worst?

Few people believe they have the right body, and yet they do not destroy it. Many think they did not get the children they deserve, and yet they would never desert them. Most people will not even abandon a dog. Why is it so impossible to say, "You are my friend. I will never leave you."

It is not. And I say this to you now:
You are my partner, the one I want to walk through life with, the one I want to grow old with, the one whose hand I want to hold as I die. I will never neglect you. I will never turn from you. Forever and forever, I will never leave you.
from 'Notes to Each Other' by Hugh & Gayle Prather

I stumbled upon this book as I was taking my Saturday slow and weeping over memories. I reread his 2 letters again. I wept over never being able to write that book together. I hope though that one day when I feel strong again to write MY OWN book. Not doing so good this weekend all alone with my miserable thoughts, then to open up this book and read the first page... and a couple of others ...

You and I have seen the shattered minds and shattered lives that can result from breakups. Often the one most affected is not the one who was left, bu the one who took the initiative. There are exceptions, just as there are exceptions to the wisdom of continuing to try, but society kids itself if it believes that people don't pay for their betrayals. The inner toll is so enormous that if a couple could guess at even a portion of the nightmare they are choosing to walk into, they would work a little harder; they would in fact toil. from 'Notes to Each Other' by Hugh & Gayle Prather

firstfruits

When I read about ‘firstfruits’ in the Bible, I thought it met that the farmer took the best of his crops - the top of all his crops. Listening to a Bible teacher recently, he stated that ‘firstfruits’ was the entire first crop that came in for the farmer. He would offer the entire crop to God without knowing if the next day a storm would wipe out the rest of his season of growing!

Around here the farmers grow corn and beans. Except this season I am sure I will see more corn because of the increase use of ethanol. Right now the little plants are just peeking up through the richly brown earth from last night’s rain storms. Driving past them on the way to work, I can see how the weather affects the corn. A farmer could have a very nice or a very small crop. Giving of his firstfruits means banking on your faith and confidence of God. He did promise that you have more value than the birds and see how they do NOT worry for food.

Take a crop like the cherries in June that will be ready to pick. I know that first picking is always the best of the fruit. Later pickings aren’t always so good because of the friendly birds. Would you be willing to give away that first batch in a pie or jam for someone in need over yourself? Ok, you could say that this is O.T and I am getting down to nit picking. Yes, it is up to you to try this out and what to try your faith on. God is into mystery and surprises. You just might be blown away!

Now take a ‘crop’ that is special to you. For me it would be my painting. Am I willing to take all that I make from my first ‘crop’ and give to God? Without knowing if the show will be a bust or a bright season? Am I willing to add this new knowledge of ‘firstfruits’ to my tithe practices?

Honor the Lord with your possessions and with the firstfruits of all your increase; So your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will overflow with new wine.
Prov. 3:9 &10

Your money:
tithe - 10% of what you have / O.T. 25%!!!
firstfruits - your first crop
love offering - what moves you

unexpected peace ...

I asked for some kind of relief. I just didn't know what to ask for. After having my passion to paint die a little this past weekend and coming to a downward trend of my mood and having a request turned down and having to train someone for my old job, I just didn't want to spin out of control. I want to be professional and peaceful. I just did not know if I could do it after having a huge anger bite your tongue moment!!! Come on, isn't there a warning in the Bible to bosses that provoke their employees? Isn't not following through a form of disrespect and prime real estate for provoking anger. ARgh!

God came through and I am glad I was paying attention to recognize His peace. The girl is very easy to train. She was eager and I felt at ease. She has no bad habits like past trainees. I was able to smile full force without faking it. I have to give God honor and a huge thank You for knowing exactly what I needed even when I didn't know myself. I declare today a gooooooooood day!!!

OOOO, my knees ache. On with the yummmy smelly muscle cream and off to sleep with gratitude in a smile on my face as I doze off to dreamland.

my 2nd glass show ...

Yesturday I had my second craft show where I took my painted glasswork to show and to see if anyone would be willing to part ways with their 'greenbacks' enough to take my artwork into their home and enjoy. In my first show I sold only 3 pieces and this show I sold 12. I guess on the bright side I sold four times what I did three years ago. I am still bummed. I packed four boxes and I am returning with four boxes. They are still stacked in the kitchen unopened. My apartment is a small one. I want to be able to live in it simply. My craftroom doubles as the kitchen and it is often a battle each Saturday when I want to paint and eat. It doesn't help that I am being my reflective sad mood again. Here is my best atempt to think well and balanced so read on.

~F~acts : (focus on what was done NOT wasn't)
I learned a lot about myself and my art. I learned that I could step outside my comfort colors and try other colors like orange and yellow. I learned that certain color combos can take a piece and elevate it to an elegant artwork like the purple velvet pansy with teal white leaves on a teal frosted Riesling wine bottle that curve and angled in with an breath of debonair. I learned that I can and have edged away from the teacher. I learned to look at pictures of the Master's creations and have tried my best to copy them even I will never be able too. I have learned that spring colors and flowers are a favorite of mine - it is right up there with landscapes. I learned more about God's romance for me through His beautiful landscapes and His detailed beauty of a flower as simple as a violet or as artisan as an orchid.

~E~motions : (focus on the positive feelings)
I had a lot of excitement going into this glass show even some good anxiety. I had some major good thoughts about presentation. I had found a cornflower blue tablecloth that all the glass I had painted would look their very best. I also used square and corner tiles with purple blue flowers to accent as price tags. I even transformed my neglected dry erase board with my purple blue flowers as well. I know that when I go to craft shows my shy side doesn't ask questions like I should so the dry erase board had info if they where shy and even could prompt questions. I was very excited as I keep hearing voices say I do well or 'I wish I could see all you do'. I love painting what I enjoy painting. It isn't much fun to paint what I don't want to. All that I was painting was what I wanted or what I say the glass says to me and even what others ooooed and ahhhhed over. I really thought my pansies would sell even thought it would sell out.

I wiggled in my skin when I finished what I call my show stopper. It was that teal bottle. I loved it and I couldn't wait to get others reaction. It didn't make it to the show. A lady at work bought it. I am now glad that it didn't make it to the show. It would have been a real downer to have no one buy it as it probably would have just stood their looking pretty just like a beautiful girl at a party where no one pays attention to. Oh yeah, the emotions are suppose to be good ones. Like I said before I am glad the teal pansy bottle didn't make it to the show.

~E~ncourage : short, simple, sweet acknowledgement. be generous!)
I must send a thank you to Mrs. Bennett. She made me feel very good about being there. She knew me in a life past but it was great that she remembered and was attentive. The event had a theme and a ton of detail was put into it all. I knew they really had to work hard at planning and advertising. They outdid themselves with the signs and the decor. They aimed to love with their details and it showed.

I must say thank yous to those I invited and who showed up. I had invited most of those who thought I did great work and wanted to see the whole of what I do, but the vast majority did not show. No family made it either. So to those who showed up and really encouraged me and I must encourage them back. Like mamma said, you do what is important to you...

~L~earning : (focus on NEW insights not the details
I learned to do what I love. Yes, I need to try to paint things that scare me to expand my work, but to get lost in color and flowers is quite intoxicating. At this point I could turn down a very dark path but from those four boxes of my glasswork, I need to celebrate them... I guess a new insight is to learn to celebrate the pieces... and figuring out how...

~I~mplications : (focus on new wiring, new maps)
My goal is to paint for myself. I have a few projects I wanted to complete. Now is the time. I won't be painting any more candles. It is not what I want to do - maybe for a gift but not to sell. I will not buy any more glass. I might even have to reject glass because I have no room nor outlet to sell. If and when I get an office of my own, I will bring in glass weekly like some of the women bring in flowers. Seems frivolous but if they can enjoy the whif of smelly flowers while crunching numbers, I can enjoy artwork like taking in a whif of sight that carries me away to someplace special.

~N~ew
~G~oal:
Well, I don't think I am doing well with thinking but I must get it out and start fresh. I plan to rearrange my studio aka. kitchen so that I can work better and not fight it every time I want to eat. I plan to enjoy my painted flowers at work since I kill plants on the side. My lasted victim? the pansies I bought for a buck. I need to be creative in cross stitching and looming so the painting will slow down dramatically over the summer months. I have gifts to make so I will doing those.

~current reality~
I have to much of my artwork in my over crowded living space.

~explore alternatives~
1. super stocked when it comes to gifts. Time to give them for all occasions and just because. Could unload on college friends that don't live near.
2. have a glass sale instead of a yard sale at my parent's place.
3. wait it out until September when the craft shows begin again.
4. take in a piece of glass each week to enjoy and possibly get rid of...
5. consignment
6.
7.

I need more alternatives. At this moment in time, I won't be doing any more shows. Especially since they begin in the fall for Christmas and all I have now is spring stuff. 1, 2 and 4 look ok to do.

~tap energy~
Uh, what energy? I have none! Maybe tomorrow or next week or next year ... I don't even have energy to clean my brushes and put them away! Oh well, I am in a mood. This too will past like my mother always says. ARRRgh! Blah!

{sticks fingers in my ears and blammbers and hides under the covers}

Ok, I will act grown up only because I should. I need to think on beauty. Focus my energy on the good facts and the good feelings. I am energizes by God Beauty. Maybe that is my calling ... to be energized by God's Beauty through my painting and vocally say it aloud when others ask what I do or why I paint...

Why do you paint? How did you know you could paint?
I love glass and I love God's flowers and colors. I like to express the Joy of God though my humble attempts to paint His Masterpieces. I like the joy I feel inside when I stand back and take it all in. I enjoy the figuring out how to make the strokes of the brush to create a flower. I express my gratitude often for His Beauty. It takes my breath away to imagine the Creator as He creates and the Joy He has when He stands back and marvels. I know He loves it much more than I could ever...

I loved glass and had a whisper of wanting to paint since I was a child. I searched to see if there was paint for glass and was pleasantly surprised to find it! I bought 3 different colors and daddled. The rest is history. The rest is the expression of my romance with God ...

Party crackers (n.)

I love watching Bob Ross the painter on Saturday mornings. I love his calming and soft voice as he shows you how to paint the landscapes. I eat this up because I have always craved being able to paint a landscape. He is so one with nature that he has a few endearing words and phrases for the things he paints. One is for the fall trees bearing their reds, oranges, and yellows. He calls them fire crackers. Love it!!!

So this morning when I was looking at my trees bursting forth with their bright green leaves and others blooming in white flowers, I decided to name the spring trees as party crackers! They are such a delight for the eyes. Even if they cause the allergies to flare…

Good thing you weren’t in my jeep this morning! You would have thought I was a bit off my rocker as I was exclaiming ‘oOOooo, look another party cracker!’

broken blue line

Last Monday they had a one year memorial service for a fallen brother in the line of duty. Then as the wee hours ticked off in expectation of a new day, they heard news that they dreaded. Another one of their own was shot dead while another was wounded on a call of a man welding a gun. - Another typical April night.

Sadly, the evil is stacking up that to desensitize, I turn off the continual coverage the media saturates on air waves. Mass school shootings, Murder – suicides, and police shootings have been racking up the numbers. In defense I have been seeking out beauty and yes, getting lost in my own life as it is very busy at the moment.

I so desperately want to remain sensitive and I don’t want the evil deeds to scab over my heart causing callous behavior. How can I redeem the time as the days are evil? Keep giving out monster smiles and bright eyes. Keep giving out loving attention. Do what is beautiful. ‘To the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet’. Time to show them what sweet is all about.

To Nick – thank you for your service. You are the shield. Thank you for being the blue line.
To Nick’s family – thank you for raising and keeping a young man, father, and friend, dear to your hearts. Wrap up in God’s comfort as prayers surround you.
To us the community – Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand (phil 4:5)

note to self:
Feel the numbness but don't give up...

'O righteous God,
who searches minds and hearts, bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure. My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart. God is a righteous judge, a God who expresses his wrath every day. If he does not relent, he will sharpen his sword; he will bend and string his bow. He has prepared his deadly weapons; he makes ready his flaming arrows. He who is pregnant with evil and conceives trouble gives birth to disillusionment. He who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit he has made. The trouble he causes recoils on himself; his violence comes down on his own head. I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.' Psalm 7:9-17

I pray the sames words as King David. My eyes will stay on You. The enemy is a thief and I will not let steal my joy or my sensitivity.
~always Your little girl

living in contrasts
don't take the girl

Nick is resting beside Scott. They worked together and are laid to rest together...

bitter vs the honeycomb ...

I am finding that the Bible is so right on about human nature. Have you noticed how someone will stay in an abusive relationship? It does not matter how many times he has hit her. It does not matter how many times she has fallen down with bruises in places they should not be. It does not matter how many times he has mentally abused her by saying ‘you’re no good’ etc. She takes the bitter. She cannot imagine life without it. No attention is worse than bitter or so the culture has taught her.

In Proverbs 27:7 it is stated like this: ‘A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, but to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.’ Our emphasis should not be on what the hungry soul does but on the condition of the soul. It is HUNGRY! So hungry in fact that their taste buds are dull to the bite. The only cure is to get rid of the bitter and bring in the sweets like love, value, loving attention, and compassion. Before you know it, the hungry soul’s taste will improve and the understanding sharpened. The cravings won’t be there to consume rather satisfaction and contentment.

A hungry soul just might be the guy at work who complains all the time. Nothing is right. If the satisfied soul can give of his abundance of honeycomb, the hungry soul begins for feed and becomes attracted to the sweet. You are what you eat! Wow! Now that is a thought to keep.

Anyone who is feeding on bitter like it is going out of style has a serious condition of the ‘hungries’ and the satisfied souls can help. How can you make a difference to a hungry soul? Are you hungry? Would you know or is your taste buds out of whack? What are you feeding on? Aren't we humans a bottomless pit when it comes to love?

be the busy bee & pollinate!

satisfied toil ...

I have seen the burden God has laid on men.
He has made everything beautiful in its time.
He has also set eternity in the hearts of men;
yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy
and do good while they live.
That everyone may eat and drink,
and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God.
I know that everything God does will endure forever;
nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.
God does it so that men will revere him.
Ecclesiastes 3:10-14

Hmmmm, I love how God feeds me in the places I need to be fed. Right now I am deciding whether to take a new position at work. I haven't found the no answer so most likely I will take on this scary new path.

The food is full of mystery yet filling. It isn't giving me doubt about moving forward but maybe more of saying do this and in time your passions and dreams will become work that will not only feed your soul but your life as well.

His Words above come all together and some may not seem to fit yet all of it together gives me an enduring comfort to joyfully toil. {happy sigh & a tickled pink smile}

april showers ...

The hard rain striped the shell from leaf buds, unfurling bright green leaves like a little girl sashaying the ruffles on a spring dress. Some trees still stand naked while others have pink or white petals peeking out like a dainty petticoat under a long skirt. So much promise of a parade of May color and flowers penetrates the canvas that if you let it, your heart feels the rhythmic cadence of excitement. If you stand so still you can hear the whispers of the undressing of seeds that have hidden away hibernating during the winter’s night. Ooo, I love it all! Rain, the gentle thunder awaking, the flowers grand and small, the petals soft, the colors bright … What a Masterful Creator! Oh, how He shows His Love for me in the smallest of details…

Dearest Creator,
You signed Your Name on every masterwork Your Hands created from the grandest mountains to the smallest viola petal. “O Lord, our Lord, how excellent is Your Name in all the earth! ~Ps 8:9

Thanking for romancing me with an April shower and the promise of May flowers. O, how I love Your Signature. Huge Huggers!!!
~always Your little delighted girl

their work will be joy ...

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority.
They keep watch over you as men who must give an account.
Obey them so that their work will be a joy,
not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.
~ Heb 13:17

keeper's paraphrase:
'Obey the managers and bosses at work. They keep watch over you for they must keep account of your work. Work hard. Give your best. Think of your own solutions to keep on your toes. Be organized. Make new habits that is beneficial. Smile. Listen. Keep open communication. Never assume. Never tell others what to do. Always ask questions. Always ask permission. Be nice. Be courteous. Obey your authorities and work hard. This will be joy to them. They won't roll their eyes when you come in or deal harshly with you when your review comes up... They might just ask you why there is a Light shining through you! '

wellspring policy

The Spring of Laughter
Today's Scripture
"Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst— not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life." (John 4:14)
Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
When you make Jesus the Lord of your life, God puts within you an eternal well that will never run dry. You have an unlimited supply of good things inside you which should be continually bubbling out of you. But Satan doesn't want your joy, happiness, or laughter to flow freely. So he comes along and throws a stone of, say, worry into your well. You may think, "That's just one little stone. It's not hurting anything. The water is still flowing pretty well." But Satan will be back soon with another stone, whether it's fear, self-pity, or hopelessness. If you haven't dealt individually with each of these stones and gotten rid of them, your nice, free-flowing well of good things will become clogged. But you can still unclog it with a major dose of laughter!
A Prayer for Today
Lord, thank You for the spring of eternal life and joy that You have placed within me. Help me deal with the stones that can block the free flow of goodness, joy, and laughter. In Jesus' name. Amen.
above from Joel Olsteen’s daily devotional

I have been putting my ‘Wellspring Policy’ on the back burner for some time now. I didn’t want to repeat my other thoughts even though this goes in hand in hand with getting to know your real self (fat suit epiphany & tipping point) and learning to take care of yourself. By developing some guidelines I can be confident that I have learned from my own tipping point and maybe shed light on the fact that no matter how good we try to be, we fail.

A warning in Proverbs 4:23 has been my guidance. ‘’Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of LIFE.’’ Yes, I know that when my waters muddied, there was no life or brightness in my eyes. I felt naked and used. I knew I needed to be strong and stop hurting myself. How do you do that?

I want to go back a step. When you become a believer, your heart is transformed and God describes this as an spring. "Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst— not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life." (John 4:14) Take this in. Haven’t you daydreamed especially on one of those hot humid grimy days for a clear clean spring that bubbled and gushed with fresh yummy water there tucked in a cool wooded area? Ok maybe not the first daydream, you beach lovers you! What a visual. That is my heart! But it is also my job to protect that wellspring…

Start drinking from the well that will never run dry – God’s Word! Start thinking about the Words He has preserved from Alpha and Omega. Pray these Words and use them in your speech. Stop hedging. Go for it. Be honest and don’t hide even when it goes against the world. Something changes and you might not notice it. Stay alert. Keep saying the Words. A good place to practice is when watching tv or a movie. Every time something goes against His Words and Promises, declare His Attributes and His Promises. Keep it basic and simple. No discussions. Give proof to your faith. We are to pray without ceasing and we are to use the Shield. Great protection. Then when opportunity arises, God will come to you and give you the Words to protect you when you feel the urge to hide (fat suit) or feel the needs of attention (tipping point). Your voice may be hard to hear but you will stand firm…

The enemy is a thief. The Friend is the Defender and Supplier…

God's will & work ...

Way to go Little Bro!
“Back in my Grandfather’s and my father’s day the question of God’s will and work was ‘It is God’s will that I work and that I do my best.’ Today’s generation answer is ‘What job is in God’s will for me?’

I loved this. Which generation is correct? It seems obvious to me. Yet, as I think about old paths, I tend to feel one should go after their dreams and passions because it feels like the key to what God desires us to give to the world. However could it be that the work before me even though I have no passion for, is God’s will? Do I still go for my passions?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I know my answer for myself is that my daily grind is God’s will. I am learning here that it has made me better at my first impressions. Developing my malnourished surface has been helping me be more delightful. It has proven that a well-rounded surface makes it easier to develop depth with others. Qualities I need to be the best I can be and I know my passions would not have lead me down that path. However, my passions have been my outlet for the ‘learnings’ I have gained from my daily grind!

I jotted down my thoughts at the beginning of the month but here it is the end of the month and I have a decision to make about my work. Do I go and take the Accounts Payable job that opened up? Or do I stick with my Reception job? It has been a real thinker. I have been riding the fence, flipping back and forth. Honestly, I have been looking for a ‘no’ answer. It would make my decision easy!

Like I said before the Receptionist’s job has been really good for me – a really good fit. In the loss of my last job, I realized that the atmosphere that you work in can drain you until you are a shell of who you are meant to be. I think now I am learning through the thinking process is that I must decide whether I can deflate the stress or am I going to let the stress change me. I found a thread of thought ‘with balance comes peace’. I know that stress is a part of learning but I need to be able to balance the stress so that I can use it towards good instead of it working against me.

What good is the learning if I cannot take it and apply it in other areas of my life and use it for the rest of my days? I do plan to greet others and keep open the communications instead of hiding out in my office. Greetings could very well be the answer to keep my social-needs tank full to aid in doing good work. I need some social interactions or I find myself cranky by 5PM. Well, ok by noon!

I have decided to see if there was ‘yes’ answers after realizing I was so focused on finding a no answer. I really am trying to see if God is directing a path to take. I can’t see if this will take me towards my passions and I don’t know how this will add to my dreams. The dots have lined up. My hat is still in the ring and a ‘no’ answer can still come… Either way I want God to lead me …

Let the morning bring me Word of Your Unfailing Love,
for I have put my trust in You.
Show me the way I should go,
for to You, I lift up my soul.
~Ps 143:8

Keep me safe, O God,
for in You I take refuge.
I said to the Lord,
“You are my Lord;
apart from You I have no good thing.”
~Ps 16:1&2

long trip alone

It's a long trip alone over sand and stones
That lie along the road that we all must travel down

So maybe you could walk with me a while
And maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold
'Cause it's a long trip alone

It's a short piece of time but just enough to find
A little peace of mind under the sun somewhere

So maybe you could walk with me a while
And maybe I could rest beneath your smile
You know we can't afford to let one moment pass us by
'Cause it's a short piece of time

And I don't know where I'd be without you here
'Cause I'm not really me without you there

Yeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah oooh

So maybe you could walk with me a while
Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold

So maybe you could walk with me a while
Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Maybe I could feel you right beside me 'til I'm home
'Cause it's a long trip alone

A Long trip alone
sung by Dierks Bentley

{sighs}

seasons, thinking, & mapping it forward ...

A couple years ago I was confiding in my good friend how frustrated I was with a friendship that bit the dust. He had a ditty about friendship seasons. I was not happy about it then especially sense he has disappeared and I am not happy about it now nor will I ever be.

Why am I so vehemently against friendships lasting a season? Aren’t we setting up every friendship we make to failing when we say ‘oh well, season has ended’? I am not so stupid to think all friends will stay in my life for ever. I have lived long enough to understand that people will move away physically or take a different job etc.

I believe we should see friends as ‘friendlies’ that will move in and out of our lives and that there is great potential for you to continue to have them as your friends for the long haul. The only time you should discard friendships is if they are doing you harm whether it is physical abuse or mental abuse or emotional abuse or sabotaging your faith.

Friendships have a flow and a pace much like the four seasons which by the way are continual year after year. Life does not stop. Spring holds that right in my face. The tree right out side my bedroom window has buds - proof that leaves are coming. The crocus and daffodils have popped up from the ground. Everything once ‘dead’ – really are just sleeping and resting up – is alive! So too should our notion of friendship like seasons be a continual. Hmmm, holding on instead of letting go….???

Yes, friendships have problems like pet peeves, slow times, boredom, stress, frustrations, telling others how to act or think, disrespect, different views … ok the list could go on and on. Too often when trying to fix the problem, we ask ‘why did this happen?’ Then we go through it and through it and over it and over it repeatedly. I say my beef and then you say why it happened and then say your beef and I say why it happened and I say my beef …. Over and over. Then the apologies begin. We repeat our apologies with each new beef especially if we are really trying to be good believers. This is all past and regurgitated so many times that no wonder friendships end. It is not about fixing the problem rather it is time to go forward.

Mapping it forward begins with what we first loved in each other and then to a solution. What has your friendship-on-the-rocks contributed in your life? Here are some focused questions: What is their story? What do you enjoy about them and their story? What are the ‘sames’ that hold you two together? I know without a doubt that differences make us unique and often make a relationship richer and stronger, but in a time of difficulty focusing on what makes us different will only keep us in the past and damage the connections further.

Answering these questions for yourself takes you out of the past hurt and moves you to present day. Now is the time to map it forward. Here are some thinking questions: How motivated are you to resolving this? Do you have a plan for making another attempt? What do you want to achieve? What are you noticing about your thinking? Would it be worth turning your insights into habits? Do you know what to do to turn this into a habit? Are you clear about what to do next?

I have been understanding that my strong friendship feeling had been sabotaged by some important break ups recently. I have had it. If a pattern develops, maybe I should just let go and go a different route. What I love about God is that He will keep nudging me, helping me to think this through even when I don’t want to.

I love my brain. I love thinking. I love insights. I love making new habits to do better in my life. I love how I feel strongly about things like the power of forever and deep relationships. I hate fighting. I hate debate. I hate others telling me what to do and I hate it immensely when others call me bossy. Yes, bossy means that I slipped up and was giving advice somewhere. Sometimes it is sooooo easy to do especially when someone is complaining or frustrated over some problem. I tend to make suggestions only to give support when it really is giving them unwanted advice.

God in His Wisdom had this book on the library shelf. I saw it there before and this time I decided I should try it. It is called “Quiet Leadership” - ‘Help people think better – don’t tell them what to do!’ by David Rock. This book has been speaking my language. It has proven my own theory that brains think in ‘maps’. It shows you how to think, how to listen, how to speak, how to allow insights, and how to make habits. It shows you how focusing on the problem is really staying in the past. It shows you how to think solutions and mapping forward to keep yourself in the present and on into the future!!! Hip Hip Horray! I knew it all along in my gut but had no real proof or direction to stand tall in this area. There is so much info here I am about ready to explode! I am super excited as I have mentally exercised some problem solving. I am ready to be strong and believe in depth. I am ready to focus on the present with a broken friendship. I am even going to learn to say what I really mean instead of beating around the bush in order not offend others. It is not about changing others. It is about nurturing my thoughts, my listening, my speech, and my habits to make them pleasing to God and to be more at peace with myself and others.

I feel as though I came back to the place in my heart where relationships are powerful and deep. It is affirming what I had once believed. No more missteps. I am ready to begin again. I know the future will test me with inattention and seek to devalue the depth. The enemy is a thief but he will no longer steal what is precious to me – authentic potent relationships. My focus is on their story and what I enjoy about them. I am excited!!!

Disclaimer: I am making strong statements and I have work to do on this area. But I am strengthening my thoughts and hope to get a better grasp of my friends and this friend path I am on. I have an action plan that I want to bring and offer to a friendship once ended ...

r - e - s- p - e - c - t

What is it about RESPECT? Why does it surface and hide and surface making me go into a search of why it is so important? What is RESPECT? Teaching teenagers with the oldest only being 5 years younger than I, I was told by the 'principal' that I had to earn their RESPECT. I wanted to hurl. From the depths of my soul it came, Trust is earned. Respect is given. Period. Always and Forever, the end.

Ok ok, I decided to make a list of what I felt about RESPECT to have at the surface to know and expect from myself.

1. Ask - When you ask permission, you are honoring the person.
2. Greetings - Say hello not only with your best voice but with Bright Eyes. Eye to eye contact is taking a time out from other things and giving your full attention to another in that split second!
3. Soft words - All of your words should be calm & affirming like the honeycomb with the crisp and the sweet nourishing another's being and their life. What better way to disfuse your own anger as well as another's but with soft words?
4. Your word - Keep your promises but also follow through!
5. Compliments - Watch how a limp soul, turns towards the sunshine!
6. Please and Thank you's - simple courtesy.
7. Open communication - Do your level best not to 'read' in to other's actions. Get it straight from their mouth. Look into their eyes. Too often it is easy to read the negative in their inattentive moves when it could be that they are struggling with thier life path.

A very simple list but can be very difficult! I am sooooo sick and tired of how rude people are especially on the telephone. Having to answer the phone for a living, I can become quite run down from such brash, ill-mannered, and demanding people. It is hard to keep the anger down and become rude myself. It is a hard battle.

As Monday played out with its horror, we can still redeem the time. Respect is at its core LOVE. Everyone can respect and love each more. A compliment is often what we long to hear but die a little bit every time an opportunity goes...

turned inward ...

Depression is anger turned inward.

Whoa! How interesting is that? This is the first time I heard of it, but it is soooo true. I sort of knew it.

Oh, how I miss my conversations with him! What paths we would go down or what dots we could connect. I loved his brain. I love my own too. Oh well ...

chip away!

I have noticed that with gruff men that you can actually chip away the rock and reveal the 'friendly' inside by keeping up the daily greetings and good mornings with your best smile. So if this has worked on some pretty tough dudes, it should work on the one that I have a schedule meeting with HR tomorrow. In honest words this guy and his department aren't playing nice with me the receptionist. I am getting sick of it and have some not so happy feelings about it. I've have been taming the beast inside and will try to work on solutions. However, I do believe my best arsenal is just my smile and bright eyes to chip away the bad feelings and ruts...

yellow violets ...

I was trying to shake a severely sullen state of mind as I was feeling crushed on all sides. My list of treats started with warm milk, well maybe if I needed warmth tonight to soothe an achy heart. Other treats was maybe a really cool mag on flowers or cottage living with a huge amount of beautiful romantic pictures for me to excape to or get some items to paint up for my show coming in three weeks. Flowers were not on the list but that was my favorite treat of the night.

I went into the local 'fix it' store. My mission was to get corner tiles for my show. I am using them as price signs. Pretty cool if I say so myself. I will be painting my purple flowers on the side and using a dry erase marker in the shade of purple. So it will be useable time and time again. It will look so great on the blue tablecloth! Oh, off on a trail .. back to these rows of flowers marked way down. I think the cold weather had taken them over because the flowers looked a little sad. Pansies and especially violets (johnny jump ups) have a huge weak in the knees effect on me. I wanted purple but the yellow ones had an intense stare and even though I argue that I couldn't because I had no green thumbs, I picked up a small 6 in flat for a buck! They went into small pots I had lying around empty. I was so excited over them because this is a major paint weekend and be kind to me time. I now had inspiration!

Note to the guys:
Instead of getting or not getting cut flowers, try getting them a special plant. Some women are going to soft with rose bushes. Just imagine her showing off her rose garden. Some women are going to go mushy with those bright orange tiger lillies. Some like me will go gooy over little violets and blueberry bushes. Get creative!

Note to God:
Thank You for creating such a gorgeous beauty in a simple violet! Oh, how I love to just look in the petal soft face and try to capture Your Great Creativity in my own human paint and brush...

"I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.
Now choose life."
(Deuteronomy 30:19)

mud slogging ...

The bad feelings come from some internal trigger. There is no control and it comes right on schedule - a stretch of good mood days followed by a stretch of bad mood days. It comes on especially hard when things don’t go smoothly land in the stretch of sad feelings like the vehicle that seems to drain you of funds. The middle to mundane becomes unbelievable monsters. You feel crushed and attacked. It is like your energy field is hyper sensitive to all around you and there is no way to desensitize. If you have ever been around an autistic person and watched how sensitive they are to their surroundings yet seem so far away verbally, you can begin to picture how these sad emotions take root in a woman’s soul and her struggle to stay on top. You know those feelings where you need to explode but you hold it inside because you want to be a good girl.

Women are God-Created as beautiful creatures so He knows how His girls struggle with these not so beautiful feelings. No matter how I try to focus on the good, I feel like I am walking up a mountain in mud up to my knees. I am trying to surround these days with music and beautiful pictures. I hum a soothing hymn. I shout out His Attributes. I declare Victory. But I got to figure out if I can incorporate some good clean stress relieving humor into the mix. I need laughter and that is the hardest to accomplish. Oh, and more sleep too! Yesterday and two preceding days were bad, today is better. Opps, no the day got worse after I wrote these words. I am doing a bit of an edit now that I came back to my words. I will keep trying! I want to work with it and not against it. This will only happen for a little while more. Then I am told the mood stays good! Hurray for that!

Mom can't remember what it was like and her advise is 'and this too shall pass'. Ok, not the words I want to hear! May I will love thoses words someday just not now!! Just give me my blankie and my teddy bear. Hibernation sounds good for the soul ... no, claw marks left on others...


Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain:
I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Words: Ci vil la D. Mar tin, 1905.
Music: Charles H. Gabriel

not abandon ... Easter's gift

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because You will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will You let your Holy One see decay.
~Ps 16:9-10

Dear Savior,
You did this all for me. You took on my punishment. You died where I should have. You arose. Death could not keep You. You offered me new life. I accepted. You keep me from the grave. New buds and blooms have taken hold of my branches. You nurture and feed me. No decay is present. You nip it even before I am fully aware of its dangers. You nudge me to think anew. I listen even with the hard bits. My heart is joyful and I shout. I am secure evermore in You.

'Trust the Lord, oh my soul and all that is within me. I will bless His Holy Name.' Thank You cannot express what You have done for me... Huge huge hug.
~always your girl

were are the worms?

Robins all puffed with no necks have been standing on their twig-like legs in brown fields this week in hopes of getting any warmth the dirt might have stored from the sun. Mid Marth had temps in the high 70*s. But this week temps fell to below freezing. 20* has frozen up what Spring has brought in little midget leaves on trees and bushes. Tulips and daffodills in bloom are bent and icy. Winter snow came last night and has stayed all day and promises to continue on into Easter.

We have had Spring snow where it has been very wet and warm in April. But this is wierd! I did thank God for the Winter Beauty last night as well as a prayer for the poor Robins! They aren't flying very fast and an orange spot on the road saddens my heart...

peculiar!!!

Looking for that Blessed Hope, and the Glorious appearing of the Great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. ~Titus 2:13-14

I love those words 'peculiar people' but then comes the punch ' zealous of goods works ' !! Ouch! Am I as zealous head over heels eager to do good works? Sadly, I could do more. I often get tired and find solace out of the way and out of sight. His words a purifying reminder to work it out in my life...

my blue brain ...

Your Brain is Blue

Of all the brain types, yours is the most mellow. You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles. Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life.

What Color Is Your Brain?

Hmmmmm, I do have to say I really love my brain. I often catch myself thanking God for insights and nudges He sends my way. Mellow is interesting and I do believe it true. If I am at an impasse, I know that it is because I am to do something I don't want to. If I am stuck in waiting, I know to move to what I can control and giving the hard stuff to God. I crave calm and I seek it through balancing my thoughts. It is truly a delightful place for me. It is true that I am in a meditative most of the time and I give no apologies! I love thinking. I love mapping out solutions. It is creative juices for my living and for my passions. I love my blue brain!

reflections of Easter ...

My thoughts started connecting dots. I was noticing how the story of Abraham taking Issac to sacrifice as God commanded and how God led and ultimately sacrificed His Beloved Son. As a dear friend once told me of how the same Bloke wrote the whole Bible because He wrote the same story though out (butterfly effect), I can't help but notice it here even as it contrasts a bit. The Issac story teaches us to let go of all that we hold precious and the Jesus story teaches to hold on THE PRECIOUS. I love how God tells a story. His Story is always of His Deep Love for us.... It is a Love Story ... a Love Letter...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This evening as I watched an reenactment of doubting Thomas not believing until he could actually touch the Master's nailed pierce hands and the wound in His side. I realized that Thomas has the love language of TOUCH. He needed to touch to know. My heart ached and whispered a prayer for a dear one who also has the love language of touch. Oh, how it must weigh heavy on these types. Oh, how it takes a deep strength to believe without touching. I know our relationship wasn't as deep for him as it was for me because I need words and he needs touch..... I felt him struggle with where he was with his life. I wonder how much of has to do with touch and feeling YOU in his life... a question I would love to ask. God has him. He is my Issac ... he is not mine...

my forge ...

Ahhhh, to open a book that I have read in the past, to find notes jotted down, to find words underlined just for my future self to come back to and find nurishment again...

the Blacksmith is God
Iron is my faith
Fire is my suffering
Shaping is my growth
Forge is the waiting

''Waiting'' by Ben Patterson

Quinoa!!!

It is funny how you can go about your life thinking you know all there is about food. Well, at least the basics. It is also amazing how your brain searches for substitutes. I can now add Quinoa to my list.

I have never heard of this before but on Saturday a cook was using it in her passover meal. Then I happened to find it at the local grocery. So I decided to see if it had been on the list of what they tested for my food allergies and found it was safe. I had to find out more about this mystery food.

It is a seed but it is an excellent alternative to white rice and I can prepare it in the rice cooker that I had bought and now was deciding if I should throw out. I will have to try it in my stir fry! It also says you can toast it in a pan like a granola! There is quinoa flour toooooo! Hmmm, will have to try it in my baking...

I am putting it on my grocery list.

A whole new world out there!

moving in!

I got new neighbors!!!! There is always a sense of dread when there is the changing of the guard but not this one. I've been watching them move in and they sing most beautifully! Yes, they sing while they work! When I hear the beautiful chords I rush to the window and am rewarded with their scurry.

I live on the top floor and there is this bush that has finally reached my window. It is a great flat for my fine feathered friends. I think they are fenches. She is grey and he is grey with red. Yesturday it seemed that she was figuring out the layout and today she brought in some bedding. They seem to work together as I saw them leave together in flight last night. What a joy to watch. How expectant is my heart as they nest! New babies to come! I hope I get to see them eat and sing and take their first flight!

Thank You, most Beautiful Creator! I am super excited a this beautiful gift of life and of joy! How Spring like! How God-like! Oh, so true. Earth is crammed with the stuff of Heaven!! Thank You for 'expecting' and the mystery!

etiquette ...

“Would you have a baby shower for me?” He asked his sister.

Baby showers are given by the new mother-to-be’s friend much similar as with a wedding shower.

”Here is list of 47 people we would like to have at our baby shower.”

Whoa! Way toooooo long! Remember the food costs. Invitation costs. Stamp costs. If you send out RSVP’s, there is an additional cost of the stamp provided. Where will people sit and will they be comfortable?

”We want to invite our co-workers, people from church, and the girls at her hair place.”

These people tend to have showers for you. They know you are having a baby and if there is no shower and they want to give you a gift, they will.

”I am going to invite her co-workers over.”

Uh no! What is your real intent? For them to come over and have fun or for them to give you presents? Even if your intent is good, the behavior screams ‘give me, give me.’ A baby shower is a gift in itself.

“I am going to have her ask the church ladies to have a shower for us.”

Good luck at pulling that off with out looking like your hand is out! Shame on you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is mainly a warning for the twenty-somethings to watch out for their wants and going online for proof that the way you go about getting what they want is ok. The web will prove that any behavior is ok. There is something quite wrong with the generation coming and how they tackle their wants. I saw this as I was researching baby shower etiquette.

First I was floored by the questions and behaviors asked of her. And then to search the web for the correct etiquette was another shock. I could prove all the above using the web. My gut was saying no way. I yelling stick with ‘old paths.’

The list is down to a more manageable number. He can no longer tell her how to run the show. It is hers now and is suppose to be a gift.

I have no clue why these notions are in his head. They were born of the same family but a generation apart. She was not born in the midst of the web age and he was. I think this is where the fault line runs. New generations what new paths. They want new ideas. Each new generation goes through that but they do come to realize that old paths are old and worn because it works.

God Provides … not man … and definitely not when man strives so hard…

Stand at the crossroads & look
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is & walk in it
& you will find rest for your souls.
~Jeremiah 6:16

picking up & leaving out ...

“Why can’t we pick up where we left off? I always have to start at the beginning with you,” he said.

“I am not the same person as I was yesterday or the day before. I don’t like long distances of time if this is to be an important or deep friendship. I am always grasping for new knowledge. I get excited about new things whether it is as simple as a morning sunrise that had me in awe or if I finally cracked open a tiny bit of a mystery I am experiencing. I like to tell someone. I like to tell someone who is knows me and knows my journey, someone who ENJOYS that excitement in me over silly new things. Time off pours over the depth we have. My soul interrupts it as you not trusting me with your everyday. So the internal dialogue says, ‘Keep it to yourself.’ That is why I treat this relationship as if we are beginning,” she said in frustration.

“Wait a sec! I still don’t understand. Aren’t we good friends? We have depth. I share with you things I wouldn’t share with another,” he said with a intensity.

“To me there has to be a long friendship before I can just pick up where I left off. I have a high school friend and several college friends where I can just pick up where I left off. Each of those friends has 4 years at the very least of constant friendship. I can pick up where I left off because time and space have relocated their lives to different parts of the world. I still have to back track to get some of their story but we always have the memories to hold us together. I am sure they have changed a ton but we are comfortable. With you the time is too short. There are no memories to hold us together,” she explains.

“So you don’t trust me?” His voice goes deeper.

“I trust you but not like I would the friendships I have had for a long period of time. They have had the time to test them. They are proven. I know where I stand and I am comfortable with the flow of give and take,” she replies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This friendship ended. They were too different. She never really felt comfortable spiritually. She felt like she was talking a different language. He could never understand. The ‘different language’ was an important step for her to grasp but for right now I think there is another learning here.

I see time as an important element of trust and even depth. Even knowing how to pace myself at the beginning of a relationship can have a huge effect on trust in a relationship.

I have a bad habit to jumping in with a ton of gusto. I like to get the nitty gritty. My ears pick up ‘long distance talk’ only to find out later there wasn’t much nor could there be much depth to it. They might have meant it well but it just could not be.

I am learning how to build the trust I need. I don’t believe in ‘seasons’ more on that later- one quickie here, if you believe friends come for a season and then over, aren't you setting it up to fail?) , rather I believe I have set relationships up for failure because I did not lay down a way for trust to come inside like installation for a house. I keep talking trust because I have a bad habit of not being able to say what I am really feeling. I know that is an issue. Not ready to deal with it yet because I don’t know how I am going to speak up for myself when I am ultra sensitive about ‘rudeness’ or ‘bossiness’. Exact words are how do you speak up for yourself when it runs the risk of telling someone how to feel or how to see things or tells them to back off or tells them to get lost or I need air. I have had too many losses in friendship department. I am tired of ‘fighting’ and having the other person all up in my tail feathers about how wrong I am for standing up about a problem or upset at me at pointing to an issue. It isn’t about who is right or wrong. IT IS AN ISSUE ABOUT HOW STRONG YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP! Backing out gracefully seemed to be the right way, until they got all up in my tail feathers again! I cannot win. Again it comes to trust and HOW STRONG YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP. I cannot shake that trust thing... must be something there...

I would have rather said that I have enough ‘pick-up-where-you-left-friendships’ and that I am at a point in my life where I need a deep, meaningful, valued friendship, but as I am writing out or more exactly clearing up my thoughts, I see a path opening up for me. I will keep writing more here. I am learning more about myself. I just might learn how to be a good friend to myself as well as others. In time though…

plugging ears ...

Matthew 5

I was viewing a social experiment where a group of guys would have to get rid of one. The Loud-Mouth was at it again tearing verbally at the Quiet-Guy. Calling him a girl and yelling about how the Quiet-Guy couldn't stand up and defind himself. It was horrid watching the last match. All the other guys faces were of disbelief as the Loud-Mouth continue to cut and hack away on the spirit of the Quiet-Guy. The Quiet-Guy in a last ditch effort did defend himself only when he could get a word in edge wise. To my disgust is not just the Loud-Mouth but all the other Not-Going-to-Say-Anything-or-Defend guys kicked the Quiet-Guy out of their group.

Hot tears and furry. All that matters is how well you can beat on your chest and stand up to others. This isn't just in the workplace but has trickled down to the very relationships you try to keep. My biggest pet peeve is how others even so called friends will put words in your mouth or tell you what to do or how to think or how to feel. These are all traits of the Loud-Mouth. All mouth and no ears.

I have been accused of beating around the bush. I have been accused of not really saying what I meant to say by having the so called 'real answer' put in my mouth. {spit spit} I have been beaten down time and time again by the rudeness of others so much so that I am super sensitive to the abuse. I have tried to use 'I statements' when I do try to stand up for a breaking relationship. What I have gotten back have been 'you statements'.

The meek will inherit the earth. The poor in spirit will have the Kingdom of Heaven. Don't give pearls to pigs. Guard your wellspring. Whew! Is it so hard to stop and listen? especially to the Quiet-Guy or the Quiet-Girl? They just might have something pretty special to share with you. They might have an interesting story. They might stand firm when others flee.

They seem weak. They seem to give up the fight. They seem useless. Maybe they are the strong ones because they have lived alone and are not afraid. It is said that they will inherit the earth. Maybe they aren't giving up the fight, maybe they are using their head and know it isn't worth it. Maybe they are the most valueable. It is said they will have the Kingdom of Heaven.

Have I been loud? Have I used a 'you statement'? Have I let my fire get the best of my tongue? Do I move away and be quiet? or do I stay and fight with all the 'I statements'? How do you stand up for yourself and listen too? Isn't it contradictory?

I am back to square one. I am just trying to find the boundaries. I am trying to find the right and the wrongs. No clue. I have failed over and over because when you push a Quiet too far, the Loud will come out most hateful. It is a very delicate balance. No wonder they will back away trying to leave everything peaceful instead of raging...

on this day ...

My dear beloved daughter,
Ahhhhh, your fiesty little heart is what I created. I see that you are trying so hard to understand how to balance out that fight you have so that you aren't striving but being. I know you are soooo tired of banging your head against the wall. I know you hate to give up and yet you are learning to let go. I am glad your first concern is balance because that is where the key of this mystery is. You get upset when life and relationships get messy and you feel greatly cross and irate. You will feel this out and find the boundaries. You will right yourself again. Keep Me close. Engage Me. You, My dear one, will still have your fight and you will be still and serene in the face of all that once pricked your very soul to breaking.

Again My-Designed lesson for you. Continue to give. You are right that what you give out will come back. It just might not be the way you thought it would be. Remember I love to give abundantly. You are rich, My girl, because you are MINE.

I love the way I created your brain. While reading that man-book, I saw how you were thinking up the path a girl should be taking. You don't have it all worded out but you are so right on. You are My beloved daughter, My maid-in-waiting, My dream keeper, and when all these experinces ripen your soul, you will be My serene. You are still trying to figure out words for the stages between dream keeper and serene like home or land. You are in the right place. I delight in how you engage learning. Keep up the good work.

Be your own best friend. The human definition wasn't correct, was it? There is no such thing as a human best friend. I am the Bestest-Friend you will ever have, but a best friend can only come of yourself being kind to your own wounds. It makes you soft and supple and resilient as I would have you to be.

I love you. I love your dreams. I love your search for Me even in the everyday. Keep engaging Me. Keep leaning into Me. I will be your Father, your Husbandman, your Friend, and your Great-Lover. I love romancing you! You heard My whispers and now you feel My great winds of romance! Oh, how I delight to see your smile and your joy! You romance Me when you do. You are getting it! Let that Love bubble up and overflow others. Continue to Taste all I have for you. Your path is being Strengthen. I LOVE you!!!!!! Huge Huggers from My Everlasting Arms.
~ always the Rock of Ages
on this day...'06

Reign down over me ...

This movie would get a high rating from me but I would have to deduct for bad languange and bad situations that could have taken the approach on a higher plane. But......

the importance should be on every one has a story and are you going to take time out to listen to theirs. Are you going to allow them to express their pain no matter how uncomfortable it gets for you? Are you going to listen to your own story? Will you have the courage to let your own story out? Are you willing to give the space and breath for another to exhale their story?

A story can be so twisted and trapped inside a broken heart. This movie is about two college room mates both in dentistry. One man loses his three girls, wife, and family dog on one of the planes that hit the towers. The other man happens to see him 6 years later and tries to reconnect. You sit there watching and weeping and even laughing. This story so twisted and trapped ... we all brake down in different ways. It is soooooo hard to sit still and let these different ways play out. You can't make people move on the way you do. But you have to be still. You have to listen. Or you will miss out on the blooming...

"Love Reign down on me'' is heard as the story ends. This movie suggests that what we need is love. I say love should be still and listening ...

join the party ...

Luke 15:11-32

I always got hung up with the older brother not wanting to join the celebration of the wayward son returning home. I am a first born. I know those feelings of doing right and going unnoticed. The father's reply was kind but seemed like a rebuke.

Many times sermons never really talked about the older son or more like they never answered it in depth. This past Sunday a girl that grew up in the church, came back from college to preach for one of her classes. This was what she spoke on and she did a good job.

At the end of the story she gave us three choices. You can be the wayward son and squander your life on wayward living, or you could be the first born with a bitter attitude for receiving no kudos for your service, or you can be the father celebrating the Kingdom. The catch phrase is join the party. When you are feeling grumpy or when you have done wrong, come back home and join the party. God has big arms to hold you and a gentle brush of hand to wipe away the tears. It's time to celebrate...

soaking puddle ...

As I rounded the corner, there he was sitting right there in the puddle of rain along the side of the road. Mr. Robin as plump as he could get his orange chest sitting there not wanting to give until the last minute. His own personal soaking puddle to get the winter grime from between his toes and feathers. I was thinking that I wanted a soaking puddle too. My temples hurt from a fatiguing day. I know I wouldn't give until the very last minute too...

If God cares enough to keep the robins fed and to top if off with a wading pool, will He not care for me?
matt 6:25-27

what friends contribute ...

I took some notes on a friendship book I read because I am trying to find my way through the potholes on this friendship path I am stuck on. I am afraid the potholes are from my own backfires as I can't seem to get this peddle pusher to go.

The energy between two people is what creates great marriages, families, teams, and organizations.

... when we think consciously about improving our lives, we put almost all of our effort into self-development. I had it all wrong. The potential was hiding with in each relationship.

Friendships add significant value to our marriages, families, work, and lives. At some level, everthing we see and feel is a product of a personal relationship.

Friends are catalysts for high points in any given day.

Strong social relationships are the leading indicator of our overall happiness, and these findings appear to hold up across countries and cultures.

Friendships shape our expectations, desires, and goals for the future.

"Friendship has a profound effect on your physical well-being. Having good relationships improves health and lifts depressions. You don't necessarily need drugs or medical treatment to accomplish this - just friends."
~Eugene Kennedy PH D

"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
~ Fredrich Nietzsche

To crack the code on saving marriages is to analyze what went RIGHT in happy marriages.

To judge a relationship based on its low points would be a mistake. The best gauge of a friendship's health is each person's happiness during every day interactions.

{ key }
Focus on what each friend does contribute to your life.

above taken from "Vital Friends"

So I read this book and was taken aback that the focus was NOT ABOUT SELF-DEVELOPMENT or self-improvement. About time. However, I am taking the books advise, but in honesty, I am cleaning house on self. Correct words? I am doing self-improvement. Have to. Grrrrrrrr ...

check out more here with 8 Vital Friends

tongues of shoes...

Listen to the tongues of your shoes
above the tongue of your mouth.

Hmmm, could this be true? How many times have I said something that I should say, over the lashing my insides wants to say to someone? I have many teeth bites on my tongue. I am always over worrying about how to say something or what I should say to be nice and yet voice my concerns or my beliefs or my feelings. I hate it when others spatter themselves outside their boxes and I want to be respectful to others. I want to be nice. However, I feel intensely the nasty others put out there...

Tongues of the shoes making a perfect get away...

hmmm, a lot to think about!

a mircle is a choice ...

'When you need a mircle,
it comes down to a choice
to believe or not to believe.'

When you have tried everything and you are left with either utter doom or a mircle, what will you choose?!!!! You are going to have to choose a mircle if you want to survive. When you begin to look at your circumstances this way, you begin to clear up your vision and see God who was always there...

How has this played out in your own path?

nugget gleaned from 'Against All Odds' (tv show on tbn)

the thief ...

''The enemy is a THIEF.
above all, he is out to steal your JOY!
When the author was writing this out in his book, it struck me deeply. I know he is a theif and I think I knew somewhere inside that he loves to steal joy, I just didn't speak this truth aloud... The biggest victory to date in my life has been the 'Joy of the Lord is my strength', so it was connecting the dots. I have work to do...

This little quote is going to kick in very actively in my everyday path. It is like fuel to battle back and keep my joy tank secure within the Rock...

nugget found in 'The Way of the Wild Heart'

a woman's mystery ...

As a girl I have read that women are a mystery and when a man has cracked your mystery, he is no longer interested. Well, that sends a quake through me when I don't think I have much mystery. How can I keep my mystery when I don't even really know what it is?!

I think I have discovered what the mystery is all about! Check this out: When a man is looking to put a bit of romance into the relationship, he reduces it into an equation ...

He reasons, ''If flowers resulted in passion and romance the last time, then why not try it again?''

I've done this. Trust me, it doesn't work the way you and I wish that it would.

Here's what's happening. Your wife doesn't want to be 'figured out.' Barbara once told me that just because A+B+C=D last week, that doesn't mean the same equation works this week. There's a certain mystery to romancing your wife; she's a puzzle that doesn't want to be pieced together, solved, and framed on the wall.

Your wife wants you to be a student of her, willing to pursue her in different ways on different days. Why? Because if she feels that she's been 'solved', there's no mystery and no reason to pursue her.

I've found that when a man invests in focus, time, creativity, adventure, and anticipation, he will enjoy a real relationship with a real person who knows and loves him in ways he never dreamed possible. As I've pursued this kind of relationship with Barbara, she has affirmed me as a man in ways that I never expected.
~ ''Rekindling the Romance'' by Dennis & Barbara Rainey

I have to add a disclaimer here. I don't calculate what kind of romance will work with me on this day or that! I can rest assured because I believe God made this mystery in a woman to where she isn't thinking about it. It just happens there in the heart without her knowing it. Whew! I feel much better!

Another thought, God doesn't like to be put in a box either! Are we a student of God? Are we pursuing God? Are we romancing God? Are we letting His Mystery woo us?

jeep provisions ...

He goes before me and He goes with me.
He has made provisions.
He makes a way.
Be expectant...
Jehovah Jireh, the Lord provideth.

Deut 31:8

thoughts on dealing with my jeep
(peak leak and the boo boo)

snowblower artist ...

I went to bed with raindrops falling and winds making gusts against the window, but sometime in the wee hours the Artist started snowblowing and transforming my world into a pretty white wonderland. He blew the snow on some trees where the snow stuck to the length. Other groups of trees had snow caked an inch deep on very branch and twig. The substantial wintergreens boughs drooped downward with the weight of the snow. Houses and road signs had this snowblow effect where the snow was like huge blobs caked in rich abundance on their sides. The Artist left nothing untouched. In the days of half spring and half winter, the Artist gives us hints of spring and the warmth of the sun. He knows we thirst for it. Yet, He reminds of winter beauty. This might be my last delicious enjoyment of snow until next season. Ahhhhh! What a Masterful Creator who lavishes me with such brillance...

my wish ...

Dear Loved One,
Rascal Flatts has a nack for really good songs that speak so dear to my heart. It is almost like they took it from my life. I loved 'God bless the Broken Road that led me to you'. It was perfect for us. Our roads were not straight. Mine was very long and lonely, yours was very broken. I saw the bright hope and assurance that it did not matter. Bad was not ours to hold. I am not sure you saw it.

Then when I could not (still cannot) understand why you left, I broke down when I first heard 'What hurts the most'. It made my pain real and not imagined. Sadly, it will probably remain my favorite song of all time.

As time goes by, my journey has taken me through and I might be on the other side. This song 'My Wish' is exactly what I wish for you. I remember your talk about your 40th birthday and about whoever was there with you. I knew I would be there but I did not know you would be gone. The next mile marker is Heaven and with my human eyes it isn't going to be the gushing happy reunion. I will be there watching for you but now behind a golden piller. A smile from the bottom of my heart will be there but a tear will be in my eye. I wish you well. Don't ever be afraid to come back home. And if I have misread everything and you are disgusted with me, please forgive me I did not know what I had done.

I ment everything I put in your card. Please ignore my words but listen .. maybe God granted my birthday prayer for you and His Words affirm you. Happy birthday!
~the crazy yank

by Rascal Flatts
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you’re faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin’ ‘til you find the window
If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you
And the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God’s grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

happy birthday

misses you

Good grief! When I feel like this, I can't seem to get James Blunt's 'Goodbye My Lover' out of my head. It haunts me! Argh! Good my friend...

a feeling like that ...

by gary allen
I stepped out into the blue, felt the wind hit my face
Before my chute opened I felt my heart race
I was fallin', nop‘, that's just fallin'
And off the coast of Australia I dove way down deep
For all that I saw of that Great Barrier Reef
It was nothin', compared to you it was nothin'.

I got lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
All tangled up with you and tryin' to catch my breath
Been chasing that sensation halfway round the world
And lookin' back on what we had
Well, I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that.

Well, I've wound up in some town in Spain
runnin' w/ the bulls
Tryin' to catch another thrill
w/ a thousand other fools
We were runnin', aw, but that's just runnin'
When I started pushin' 30 it started pushin' back
Well, how was I to know till now you'd be
such a hard act to follow. Nothin' seems to follow.

I got lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
All tangled up with you and tryin' to catch my breath
I been chasing that sensation halfway round the world
And lookin' back on what we had
Well, I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that.

It's like flyin' down some back road at midnight
With your eyes closed and the headlights off
Your life been searchin' everywhere
Can't find that feelin' anywhere
You're all I want, now all I want.

Said lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
All tangled up with you and tryin' to catch my breath
I been chasing that sensation halfway round the world
And lookin' back on what we had
Well I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that.

That's right, I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that…

{sighs} EXACTLY ! ! !
misses you... an aussie sensation halfway around the world ... happy birthday you

I rest my case!

{cringes} Arrrrrgh! Come on!!! Why does it feel that this soapbox is always pulled out on me and I am an audience of ONE! I got the message loud and clear already! Enough! MERCY, please!

So I am just going to pull out the soapbox and you all can listen to it. I don't need it and maybe you do. sorry!

It was God who said, ''It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.''(gen 2:18) God, in His Wisdom, created Eve to be the companion that Adam didn't even recognize he needed. She was created to remove Adam's aloneness. No wonder God placed in Eve an intense drive toward relationship.

God knew that man's tendency was to be alone. He gave us a gravitational pull in marriage - our sex drive - so that we would pursue our wives who, in turn, would call us to know and be known in the context of a relationship.
'Rekindling the Romance' by Dennis & Barbara Rainey (the above written to the men by Dennis)

See I know all to well the man's tendency to be alone. I knew cold before but not like this. This is like being stuck on an ice block out in the middle of polar bear land with no winter clothing and the wind has picked up and the temp is a -50* F. I cannot hold on to life anymore. Allowing the cold to seep in and falling asleep sounds more warm than this...