don't take the girl ...

We were just strolling the grounds near where I lived. His strong hand holding mine as we talked about our dreams for the future. It was a chilly spring evening but I as aglow from just being with him. I felt so giddy and beautiful walking with such a strong man. It was to be a nice finish to a great date, but two men in ski masks changed our course.

They seemed to have appeared from the blackest night. They shouted for us to stop and give them our money. If we didn't, they would shoot. My boyfriend being a cop moved to show his badge as he reached for his piece. I can remember four shots as Scott moved in front of me. A scream filled my body. We fell together on the cold sidewalk. A scramble to stuff the wounded shooter in the car and doors slamming as the screech of tires echoed in my ear.

I fumbled to reach him. My hand slipped as I realized he was shot. My screem finally was released as I held Scott to me. I can't remember anything more except for the red and blue lights of emergency and Scott's brotherhood swirled around us.

For the next twenty four hours as I took my vigil, I watched as Scott's family, friends, and his brotherhood spoke and prayed with him. He suffered several strokes and then slipped into a coma. There was not a dry eye. This was happening way to fast and our hope was fading. I laid my face against his as I held his hand. I whispered my love and appriciation. Then he was gone from this world. I can't remember anything more . . .

Scott lived his life to the fullest. He loved baseball. He loved being a cop. He dreamed of working on the K-9 unit. Whatever he loved, he did with all of his heart. I knew I was dating a cop and that it was a dangerous job. I could live with that because Scott's attitude was one of passion and warmth. I did wonder if he had enough space and attention for me in his crammed full brilliant life. I need no longer wonder, he took 3 bullets for me and gave his life for mine. Memories of Scott singing Tim Mcgraw's song "Don't Take the Girl" overwhelm me.

Why was I spared? Scott lived his life with a whole lot of love even in a job that can take a lot from you. He had a brilliant future. He was so full of life. My life is on a smaller scale. He could give more than I... so why was I spared?

No ... how will I live now? I will honor Scott... I will live my life fully .... I will love more fiercely ... I will not let the whys take my life from me ... instead I will give my life and my love more deeply...

''To affect the quality of the day,
that is the highest of arts.''
henry david thoreau