'05 theme: Compassion ...

Each year I create a theme. It is an invitation to invite the Almighty to touch my life in His Unique Way. I choose Compassion for 2005. I wanted to see what I could learn and what I needed for my journey.

Amazing how God works earthly events into His Lesson Plans. The Tsunami, the Shivo case and death, Pope John Paul's death, London Bombings, Hurricane Katrina & Rita, the Pakastain Earthquake, Central America floodings, Hotel Terror in Jordon, Indiana's Colts Coach Tony Dungy loss of his son, and the continued battle for a new Iraq filled my heart with hands reaching out.

With such lost I began to realize that Compassion is the stuff of Life.
1) Compassion is a positive action.
2) Compassion is something I can control.
3) Compassion is a seed the Master Gardener planted in us.
4) Compassion is an aroma.
5) Compassion is a believer's signature.

''As God's chosen people, holy & Dearly Loved, clothe yourself w/ compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, & patience.''
col 3:12
With such huge loss of life a few individual deaths have come forward. Shivo case and Pope John Paul are so universal I will let them speak for the rest of the individual deaths. In the Shivo case we have learned that her coma most likely came from her eating disorder. We didn't know her then only when her parents wanted to keep her alive and her husband wanted her to die. Where is our respect for Life? She was alive. I have worked with severe needs kids. Are we to put all to death if they need help to eat? Pope John Paul had many health problems yet he fought to live out his life with dignity. I know our lives are hard and complicated. But when I see someone work out their journey with softness and fight, I smell a sweet aroma! My heart melts. So what about a little Compassion? What about a bit of Goodness and Mercy?

love a quote: '05 thoughts

my personal journey '05 ...

This was not a banner year. I lost two things that I thought was God-Given and God-Honoring. One was a dear friendship and one was an issue. I lost both about the same time and found that my voice was being threaten. If someone could see past the skin that holds me together, they would have seen hot flames.

I am 'Joyful one' and there was no way I was going to give up my Joy. So I turned to blogging. I needed someone to listen and I needed to organize my many wild thoughts. Through writing I could explore my thoughts and also honor the amazing journey I have.

My longing for my Eternal Home has ignited. My home here doesn't hold me like it use too. A lot of my wishes haven't come true and in fact have been taken from me. I have been more alone this year and yet have felt the Eternal Presence of the Almighty so acutely.

Really this year has been conflicted: I lost a close kinship but I won with my closeness to God. No one listens to me but I have found more of my voice. I lost my love of state but I have gained more longing for my Eternal Home. I lost my way but Lovely found me and who journeys with me. I lost ground but refound Strength.

Honestly, I cannot tell you in words my feelings for this year.... I guess I hope you see a girl who is joyful and thoughtful ... a girl who is still tenacious even though many storms have raged at her... I hope you see a glow of the Treasure this girl holds dear. I hope that you see a girl who is held by Perfect Peace ...

few firsts for me in 2005

1) I watched all three Lord of the Rings movies back in May and enjoyed it greatly. I am not a science fiction fan and I need to ask questions if I needed to so I wouldn't give up the movies. I happenchance {sure God sent him} upon a guy who loaned me his movies and answered my questions. He also encouraged me to read Tolkien.

2) I read the 'Hobbit' {by Tokien and should be read before Lord of the Rings}. Again I am not into science fiction but this was an easy read. I hope that Peter Jackson can make this movie so day very soon!

3) I am reading the Lord of the Rings all three / six books. I had too!! I found a kinship with Sam. I eat up every bit I can read on Sam. Guess it is because this movie and book came to me at the time I felt jaded by a Frodo.

4) I found a way to release my voice through the my best way of expression, writing. I began to blog in June!

5) I decided to try the chiropracter for my chronic headaches and tight shoulder and neck muscles. I would have never stepped foot inside one of those places, but when you want to make a change and no one esle will listen, you go where there is an alive energy. I have just begun so maybe I will have an update later.

few of my fav: few firsts for me in 2004

few firsts in 2004 ...

1) He rang me! and we would talk for up to 4 to 6 hours at a time. It was like finding a safe place in another. It was true kinship!

2) I sold some of my paintings! I never thought I would want to paint full time because it could become common place and boring. I never thought anyone would want to pay for my pieces. The church bizarre was a bust so I took my piece to work and sold quite a bit!

3) I knit loom! Sorry, I don't know the proper way to call it. When my grandmother was alive and able to teach me, I did not have the desire to knit or even crochet. Funny how age takes you back to creative history and now you want to be able to knit your own scarfs or blankets. I thought I could teach myself to knit, wrong! The directions are in a foreign language! Then comes to making sure each loop is even. Butterfingers!!!! All the rage this year was the four plastic looms and the crazy fun fur. With my gift card and coupon I embarked on teaching myself to knit loom. The instructions that came with it left the loops way to big. I went in search of instructions on the web and found a whole new world that wasn't so new! I am happy making scarfs and hope to make other things. {painting and writing are still my first choice of creativity ... knitting will just be yoga}

few of my fav: monthly thoughts 2005

monthly thoughts for 2005 ...

Jan: "Don't Waste Beauty"
Feb: "You become what you BELIEVE"
Mar: "Happy, Healthy, Flight" = legacy
Apr: "No passion = certain death"~ k
May: "What you focus on expands"
Jun: "Live in simple pleasure"
Jul: "Cream rises to the top" (to see beyond the surface)
Aug: "You cannot be cured of a passion; It feels to be too contagious!"
Sep: "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance!" _{~ celtic proverb}
Oct: "Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living" _{~ Jim Elliot}
Nov: "Joy completes me" _{~ k}
Dec: "Validation is the best gift to give." _{~ k}

few of my fav: monthly thoughts 2004

monthly thoughts from 2004 ...

Jan: ''Movement is Medicine''
Feb: ''Daydreaming = #1 best mental exercise''
Mar: ''Love BEARS all things.'' I Cor 13
Apr: ''Dwell in Possibility''
May: ''Live your Poem''
Jun: ''You are what you Love''
Jul: ''Live the Life you Imagined''
Aug: ''Master Passions = Faith, Hope, Love, & Joy"
Sep: ''Everyone has a signature''
Oct: ''Amazing what you can endure w/ a purpose''
Nov: ''Depression is living in the past. Anxiety is living in the future. Live in Balance - Live in the Moment.'' ~ keith urban's spiritual friend
Dec: ''beautiful lips owns a beautiful heart'' ~ k

few of my fav: movies of 2005

few of my fav movies of 2005...

Sideways
Fever Pitch
Hitch
Bewitched
Just Like Heaven
Dreamer
Walk the Line

few of my fav: books of 2005

self vs spirit ...

. : self : . ''He isn't choosing me! Shouldn't I just take care of myself and move on? Don't waste Beauty, right?''
... yes, but ... . : spirit : . ''He doesn't really know trust or validation from his core relaitionships. You know that from his insular tendencies. Shouldn't you continue your friendship with him? Show him trust and value? Didn't he himself say that he would know trust if someone would be able to survive and come back to enjoy him?''
... ok, but .... : self : . ''Doesn't he need to be part of the equaltion? How will he know trust and validation if he disappears? How will he know the victories of the good times and bad times with another? Must he do life all alone? If you aren't in the woods to hear the tree fall, how do you know it makes a sound?''
... yes, but... . : spirit : . ''Doesn't the Word say that if you are controlled by the Holy Spirit the fruit will result in patience, faithfulness, gentleness, humility, and self-control? The very things he needs right now. Don't you pride yourself in your tenacity?''
... oh, grr ... . : self : . ''Yes, I am very tenacious, but I am also very tired and weak. I hear conflicting messages. From the womanly side of things it is just bad energy to pine away for someone who doesn't have enough respect to keep you in their top 10%. From the spirit side I get that is about the Kingdom. It is not his journey alone. It is my journey as well. I have made investments. I have dwelt in the possibilities. I support his dreams and his purpose. What about the book? Don't I need to live out my dreams and my purpose? If I get sucked into his void, I stall out on my own life. I know that isn't right.''
... yes ... . : spirit : . ''True, you do need to honor your journey. Can you honor both journeys? Isn't there a balance in that? If you are asked to walk alone, can you find a soft place in your heart and let that glow always?''
... oh, you ... . : self : . ''It is very difficult to keep the balance because I can't feel him anymore ... it is like when a small child forgets what their dead mother used to look like..... All I have is my conversations with God. Shouldn't he get his life in balance every moment of every day instead of getting so out of alignment that he disappears for ages? I think it is wrong to shut out supportive people or maybe I am too hurtful for him to keep in his life.... I keep surrendering ... and I promise to always keep Perfect Peace about me. I do have such a Treasure in this clay pot. I will let it glow .... but ... If Heaven wasn't Heaven, I would really beat him up when I see him on the other side .....''
... now now ... . : spirit : . ''I know you would but you would probably melt even before you would reach him .... aren't your spirits are too connected .... don't you think when he sees you beyond the Golden Gate that all the scales over his eyes will fall and he will see you as you hoped and as God intended ... no more internal suffering?''
... don't know anymore ... . : self : . "My assurance came from feeling God's Presence when it came to my relationship with this man. I would act on that impulse. I gave from the Spirit. I supported from the Spirit. I am soooo conflicted I haven't a clue ... Wasn't God speaking? Wasn't there something Eternal in our connection?''
... hmmm, ... . : spirit : . "Whatever is good ... whatever is spiritually healthy ... whatever gives wings to dreams and your purpose .... Who is the Almighty Storehouse? Doesn't He overflow you what you need if you but ask? Test Him on this. Keep your assurance on the Rock. Then we shall see what the meeting will be like in Heaven!''

few of my fav books read in 2005

1) 'The Hobbit' & 'The Lord of the Rings Tril.' by Tolkien

2) 'Captivating' by John & Stasi Eldridge
{companion book to 'Wild at Heart'}

3) 'The Wedding' by Nicholas Sparks 1st entry & 2nd entry

4) 'The Barbarian Way' by Erwin Raphael McManus
{combining with 'Captivating' I have new fire for my dreams and life purpose}

few of my fav: tunes of 2005

impact of a life...

Tony Dungy statement to media (Courtesy of Colts media relations)

(Dec. 27, 2005) -- Indiana Colts head coach Tony Dungy briefly addressed the media following services in Lutz, Fla., honoring his son, James Dungy:

"I'll start out by saying, 'Thank You,' for the love, the prayers and the support that we've received from the people of Tampa, the people of Indianapolis and the people all over the country. They've been very, very great and gracious to us in a time of grief for our family.

"We loved our son very much. He loved us. And we miss him terribly. But we also understand that we have some tremendous promises from God. God promises to be with us. He's with us in the great times. He's with us in the tough times. Our family will stand strong. The strength that we have in the Lord will allow us to get through this just as we get through times of victory.

"Our grief is great, but from our family, we just say, 'Thank You.' We just say, 'Thank You,' to everyone. We appreciate everybody who has touched his life, everybody who has been part of him growing up. James -- he was a good young man with a compassionate heart and we were glad to have him for 18 years.

"We're also glad that he accepted Christ as his savior so that God has him now for the rest of eternity. Thank You."

* * * * * * * * * * * *(more words from Tony Dungy)
"Parents hug your kids every chance you get," he said. "Tell them you love them every chance you get because you don't know when it's going to be the last time."

"As he got a little older, like all teenagers, he was searching for who that person was inside of him. Who he was going to be. ... And like most of us, I think he went through a time as a teenager that he wasn't sure his parents always had the best advice. He wasn't sure that we always had his best interest at heart," the coach said.

"My daughter Tiara said it best the other day. She said: 'I just wish he could have made it until he was 20. Because when you're 17 or 18, sometimes the things you guys say to us don't always make sense. ... When I got to 20, they started making sense again."' (Tiara, the eldest of Dungy's five children, is 21)

He also cautioned parents against taking their children for granted. He recalled Thanksgiving, which was the last time he saw his son, as the teen rushed off to the airport.

"I said, 'I'll see you later.' I didn't get to hug him. I knew I'd see him again pretty soon, so it didn't really bother me very much," Dungy said.

"We talked on the phone a lot the last few days. We're always talking about what was going to happen. The last few days he was saying - as the guys on the team know he would - he was saying: 'Dad, we're going to the Super Bowl, and when we do, will I be on the field?"'

Dungy nearly broke down again, then finished his thought amid applause.

"And I said: 'Yeah, man. You know the hard part is getting there, but if we do, you know you're going to be on the field.' ... But I never got to hug him again. That's one thing I'll always think about and always remind people to do: Hug 'em every chance you get."

Never take your relationships for granted.

few of my favorite tunes of 2005

'Making Memories of Us' -Keith Urban { wishes }
'God Bless the Broken Road' & 'Skin' -Rascal Flatts
'Long Slow Kisses' -Jeff Bates
'Hot Tub Song' -Phil Vasser
'Lonely No More' -Rob Thomas
'She will be Loved' -Maroon 5
'Imcomplete' -BSB
'Your the Best I've Ever Had' -Gary Allen,
'Your Like Coming Home' -Lonestar,
'If She was any Other Woman' -Buddy Jewel
'Getting Use to the Pain' -Tracy Lawrence
'Come a Little Closer' -Dirks Bentley
'BIG DREAMS' -Ryan Schoop & the rubberband
'Must Be Doing Something Right' - Billy Curlington
'Boondocks' - Little Big Town
'Nobody but Me' - Blake Shelton
'the Dollar' -Jamie Johnson
'Jesus Take the Wheel' - Carrie Underwood { my surrender }
'What Hurts the Most' - Rascal Flatts { my life now }

few of my fav things: about him

my touch in training ...

Dearest Great Shepherd,
Sometimes my journey is hard and scary. Like back in 2003 I knew this hardship was for my good. I had found Joy as my Strength. My new found excitement for You has blossomed into more and more joy and love.

Sometimes my journey is confusing and irratating. Like now I have no clue how my struggle is shaping into something good. My beliefs are becoming like concrete. I know down deep in my soul that how I am feeling about the other person is very real and very significant. I know I hear Your Voice yet I struggle because I feel this truth in You but in the wrong according to the other person's experiences and journey......

Thank You for the words of Spurgeon to get me to see beyond the earthly surface into something more Kingdom....
~ always seeking

In the day of trial. Heb 3:8

When you wonder why you are being severly tested, remember the reason does not lie so much with you but with those to whom God will make you useful. You are being led along a rough road. You are being tested and instructed in order to help those whom you will find in some of earth's dark regions.

You are being trained as a hardy mountaineer to climb after the Lord's sheep who are lost in the wild, craggy places. You are being taught to find your way through through the country of depression and despair in order to help lost pilgrims find their way to the Celestrial City. They frequently fall into the marshy places of fear and doubt, and you will know how to bring them out, set their feet on the Rock, and once again establish their goings. {.wow.!!!} The effect of one life on another can hardly be fully known. { amen! } Even when we are able to look back on the completed life, we rarely know how much it has been twisted by other lives. Certainly, until this life is complete, we will never know how much our present suffering has to do to with our usefulness to others. We will never understand how being prepared here, there, and in a thousand other places has helped a fellow pilgrim. fr: "Besides Still Waters" by Spurgeon

Sounds like 'It's a Wonderful Life'!!!!

Spurgeon: my daily strength

... He comes

When you have prepared Him room and have invited Him, He comes.

Last night I came to Him with all my gratitudes, thankful for family, home, passions, and work. I also came with burdens, a broken heart, broken hopes, & broken expectations. I have prayer requests that I have prayed hard in sweat of belief where no word has come. So I laid it all there on Him.

Through it I recounted all the Words and hymns, He whispered to me through this year. As I tucked into bed, I wondered what Christmas morning would bring.

Rain was heard on the rooftop when my eyes opened. The sunrise showed up in my heart instead of the horizen. I felt peace and a resolve. I am choosing to keep it close. The Almighty soothed my restless heart and made a perfect peace wash over my mind, heart, and soul.

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."
John 12:24

"the path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shinging ever brighter till the full light of day." pro 4:18

Dear Mighty King,
I surrender from my gruby hands my sweaty kernels to you. I look for the first gleam of dawn, Your Kiss... Your Awakening. I smile full in Your Perfect Peace.
~ always your restless girl

prepare Him room

Christ's eyes... How they twinkle!
Christ's Spirit... How merry!
Christ's love... How enormous!
All our burdens... He'll carry!

prepare Him room ...

It is His birthday. Even though He is my Treasure already Indwelling, I am inviting Him to an intimate time together. Sure some very human elements like candles and Christmas Tree lights will decorate my home and some Wassail and blankets to make it feel comfy. I am going to Bedford Falls to revisit a milestone and theme of my life. With His Living Words that have touched me through out this year as well as some old hymns that came to life, I will begin my communion with the Almighty. Even with such Joy for my strength, my heart is sad. He alone can wipe my tears away. He alone chose me and I chose Him right back. I invite His Peace on this Holy Night.

pupinator kisses... 'bestest' gift for the blues

After reading Clare's Christmas miracle on eatstuff, I had to share my two fabulous pupinators! I had a terrible day this past week and my mother had invited me over for supper. As I was nearing their home, a brand new sad sad country tune played. It pained me as the words echoed my broken heart. I finally dragged myself into their house.

My pupinators, Bobby and Andy, go biserk everytime I arrive. We have developed a ritual of them getting cookies then me getting on the floor to receive their tackle hugs and kisses. That night they hung onto me most extra long. And though out the night they stuck like glue. They are the most precious boys in my life. God made them love unconditional. Thank Awesome Creator! You have made me soooo rich!

moment captured: the christmas swan

wonderfully rich ...

"You had the greatest gift of all conferred upon you - the gift of life, of being a part of this world & taking apart in it. Yet, you denied that gift."
'The Greatest Gift' written by Philip Van Doren Stern - first a card and then the inspiration of the movie, 'It's a Wonderful Life'. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[George has discovered his brother Harry's tombstone]
Clarence: [explaining] Your brother, Harry Bailey, broke through the ice and was drowned at the age of nine.
George Bailey: That's a lie! Harry Bailey went to war - he got the Congressional Medal of Honor, he saved the lives of every man on that transport.
Clarence: Every man on that transport died! Harry wasn't there to save them, because you weren't there to save Harry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Clarence: Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Clarence: You've been given a great gift, George: A chance to see what the world would be like without you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Clarence: You see George, you've really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to just throw it away?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Clarence: Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Harry Bailey: A toast to my big brother George: The richest man in town.
above quotes from "It's a Wonderful Life"

Indeed you are the richest man in town!!!

life abundant ... the greatest gift ...

December arrived on her first year at her college campus. The winter chill was in the air and like always felt a bit alone in her little world. The activity set for Friday night was the showing of 'It's a Wonderful Life'. She never saw the movie and decided she really wanted to see it.

Everyone else had plans either to go home or out or go to the movie with their boyfriend. With a brisk determined walk she slipped into one of the rows. She was very still as to not disturb anyone or bring notice to her. Finally the lights went out and the story of a lifetime unfolded. Tears pooled and trickled down her face. She pulled her coat closer around her. She was a George Bailey and there in the darkness God brought this story to show her she did indeed have a 'Wonderful Life'.

The lights came on and she hurried back to her room. Not wanting to share this most intimate moment with her roommate, she turned out the lights and went to bed. Under the covers she poured out her heart to her God and God cradled her to sleep. This was the beginning of her journey as a young woman. He knew her journey ahead would be a lonely one and could be very trying. This movie was to carry her through those tough times and bring her to some pretty amazing adventures.

Today on her wall hangs the sign 'It's a Wonderful Life'. She is always reminded and often her prayers and thanksgivings are filled with Joy as she takes stock of her rich life. This is her life theme.

This Christmas there is an ache in her heart. Four years ago she met a George Bailey. Over these years she discovered how rich this man was. Often when his innermost feelings came out, there was an air of keeping people at bay. Very strange when this man seemed so personable. Both enjoyed discussing movies so she asked him if he had ever seen her favorite movie of all times, 'It's a Wonderful Life.' He had never ever had!!!!

Over this past year again times seemed tough on him. With each passing month the more isolated he became from her. For Father's Day she sent a letter wrapped around her precious video copy of 'It's a Wonderful Life'. Not wanting him to reject for some Christmas feel good story, she explained how the movie touched her life.

She finally replaced her copy and tomorrow night with the glow of candles and the Christmas tree lights she is going to Bedford Falls. Joy will accompany her as an ache burns in her heart for another George ...

my daily strength...

"I will strengthen thee."
- Isaiah 41:10
* * * * * * * * * * * *

God has a Strong Reserve with which to discharge this engagement; for He is able to do all things. Believer, till thou canst drain dry the ocean of Omnipotence, till thou canst break into pieces the towering mountains of Almighty Strength, thou never needest to fear. Think not that the strength of man shall ever be able to overcome the Power of God.

Whilst the earth's huge pillars stand, thou hast enough reason to abide firm in thy Faith. The same God who directs the earth in its orbit, who feeds the burning furnace of the sun, and trims the lamps of heaven, has promised to supply thee with Daily strength. While He is able to uphold the universe, dream not that He will prove unable to fulfil His Own Promises.

Remember what He did in the days of old, in the former generations. Remember how He spake and it was done; how He commanded, and it stood fast. Shall He that created the world grow weary? He hangeth the world upon nothing; shall He who doth this be unable to support His children? Shall He be unfaithful to his word for want of power? Who is it that restrains the tempest? Doth not He ride upon the wings of the wind, and make the clouds His chariots, and hold the ocean in the hollow of His hand? How can He fail thee? When He has put such a faithful promise as this on record, wilt thou for a moment indulge the thought that He has outpromised Himself, and gone beyond His power to fulfil? Ah, no! Thou canst doubt no longer.

O Thou who art my God and my Strength, I can believe that this promise shall be fulfilled, for the boundless reservoir of Thy Grace can never be exhausted, and the overflowing Storehouse of Thy Strength can never be emptied by friends or rifled by enemies. ~Spurgeon

Spurgeon: tried faith

found in my fortune cookie...

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.

hurts the most ...

The soleful tick tock echoed in the chambers of her heart. It was saying the year is closing. Saying goodbye for one last time must be done. No Christmas miracle left under the tinsle tree. Tears haunting her face as a slow shimmer of anger has erupted into a freak show. This man was such a treasure and what she thought was a God-Given gift back then. Now his former self is unrecognizable to her. Shared dreams are like paper to fire. The radio static gives away to a brand new country tune ... confiming what her heart has been saying...

"... what hurts the most was being so close
having so much to say
watching you walk away
never knowing what could have been
not seeing that loving you
that was what I was trying to do..."
~ new tune from rascal flatts "what hurts the most"