self vs spirit ...

. : self : . ''He isn't choosing me! Shouldn't I just take care of myself and move on? Don't waste Beauty, right?''
... yes, but ... . : spirit : . ''He doesn't really know trust or validation from his core relaitionships. You know that from his insular tendencies. Shouldn't you continue your friendship with him? Show him trust and value? Didn't he himself say that he would know trust if someone would be able to survive and come back to enjoy him?''
... ok, but .... : self : . ''Doesn't he need to be part of the equaltion? How will he know trust and validation if he disappears? How will he know the victories of the good times and bad times with another? Must he do life all alone? If you aren't in the woods to hear the tree fall, how do you know it makes a sound?''
... yes, but... . : spirit : . ''Doesn't the Word say that if you are controlled by the Holy Spirit the fruit will result in patience, faithfulness, gentleness, humility, and self-control? The very things he needs right now. Don't you pride yourself in your tenacity?''
... oh, grr ... . : self : . ''Yes, I am very tenacious, but I am also very tired and weak. I hear conflicting messages. From the womanly side of things it is just bad energy to pine away for someone who doesn't have enough respect to keep you in their top 10%. From the spirit side I get that is about the Kingdom. It is not his journey alone. It is my journey as well. I have made investments. I have dwelt in the possibilities. I support his dreams and his purpose. What about the book? Don't I need to live out my dreams and my purpose? If I get sucked into his void, I stall out on my own life. I know that isn't right.''
... yes ... . : spirit : . ''True, you do need to honor your journey. Can you honor both journeys? Isn't there a balance in that? If you are asked to walk alone, can you find a soft place in your heart and let that glow always?''
... oh, you ... . : self : . ''It is very difficult to keep the balance because I can't feel him anymore ... it is like when a small child forgets what their dead mother used to look like..... All I have is my conversations with God. Shouldn't he get his life in balance every moment of every day instead of getting so out of alignment that he disappears for ages? I think it is wrong to shut out supportive people or maybe I am too hurtful for him to keep in his life.... I keep surrendering ... and I promise to always keep Perfect Peace about me. I do have such a Treasure in this clay pot. I will let it glow .... but ... If Heaven wasn't Heaven, I would really beat him up when I see him on the other side .....''
... now now ... . : spirit : . ''I know you would but you would probably melt even before you would reach him .... aren't your spirits are too connected .... don't you think when he sees you beyond the Golden Gate that all the scales over his eyes will fall and he will see you as you hoped and as God intended ... no more internal suffering?''
... don't know anymore ... . : self : . "My assurance came from feeling God's Presence when it came to my relationship with this man. I would act on that impulse. I gave from the Spirit. I supported from the Spirit. I am soooo conflicted I haven't a clue ... Wasn't God speaking? Wasn't there something Eternal in our connection?''
... hmmm, ... . : spirit : . "Whatever is good ... whatever is spiritually healthy ... whatever gives wings to dreams and your purpose .... Who is the Almighty Storehouse? Doesn't He overflow you what you need if you but ask? Test Him on this. Keep your assurance on the Rock. Then we shall see what the meeting will be like in Heaven!''