I was listening to a podcast about "fighting for a stronger marriage" and what I got from it will help me greatly in all my relationships even though I don't have a marriage.
Anytime anger flares up what caused that in you? Instead of attacking the other person find out what 'log is in your own eye'. What closed your heart? Don't be surprised to find that it was a childhood wound! To me that was eye opening. Here we go blaming a childhood again but as I just had anger flare up just minutes before, I realized that it doesn't matter if you are an adult now and you've taken responsibilities to heal and grow up. Those scares have memory and themes weaved into the fabric of your heart. You have to understand it again and again. You have soften your heart and be willing to share it.
I just had gotten angry about the old sister in law honking as she went by carrying my nephew and the niece to a Thanksgiving with her side when we were trying to a birthday with my brother. Then afterwards she comes into our driveway honking with her mother waving and the two kids came up allowing us to have a hug fest. I'm glad we got to have that because we don't get to see the niece because she 'isn't blood' but I had such anger burn inside! Why?
This sister in law divorced my brother and is now going after a third guy. My brother is moving on too. I am just sick - sick that this happened to my brother - sick that two innocent kids have to deal with it. How is my teenager niece going to find lasting love?
Now to my own log - why am I struggling so? Where is my forgiveness? I need to to behave for the kids…. My log, my pain is that I never got chosen to be loved and cherished for a lifetime. I've always wished to be married. I've wanted be a team player. Instead I get to do life in a singular fashion. Rejection. Team failure. Not having your back. Huge investments no returns. Stuff that would kill me if I had a marriage fail. I know what a blessing to be single! It is a scar that keeps wanting to be a wound.
Here is the second part of the fighting for your marriage: L.U.V.E. After you find your pain and have soften your heart, you take to your spouse and share with L.U.V.E. in place. L is for listening. U is for understanding. V is for validating. E is for empathizing. Of course this will work with safe relationships but for the unsafe ones or for those private angers, you take it to your Heavenly Father. He is the Healer and then you can be forgiving or as forgiveness in the unsafe relationships.
I need to wrap this up and take my private pain to God and let Him heal. His soothing oil will soften the rejection scar and I can once again move freely…
-------
Resources:
http://www.smalleymarriage.com/
"The Wholehearted Marriage" book
No comments:
Post a Comment