cyclone glenda ...

She was just getting her morning cuppa green tea when she heard another cyclone was hitting Australia.  She whipped her head around to the tv to see where it was to hit land.  The silent he lived there and her heart still was moved by memories of him.  It wasn’t where it was going to hit, but the name of the cyclone that made her gasp aloud. 

 An unusual name but very fitting!  Though he hides out, the ‘Dark Valley’ seeks out.  How ironic of a cyclone to mirror the feelings of hurt that have been devastating her very being. How fitting to name a cyclone hitting Oz ... glenda.

christian convert ...

Looking at the world since 911, the dispute between the muslim religion and muslim extremists have been told over and over that the core of muslim religion is not violent. Of course there will be those extremists in every religion that will give a bad name to it. But for a generalization isn't all religions supposed to be based on love?

"Abdul Rahman must be killed. Islam demands it," said senior Cleric Faiez Mohammed

As the world watches the fate of Abdul Rahman, the muslim religion is showing how its true colors. And it is pretty black and white, isn't it?

when the stars go blue ...

''I am sorry I gotta get be home by 5PM. Dad will be home and that is our time to eat supper together. You know the story,'' Mom said.

''You got it. I promise to have you home.'' The daughter knew of this phenomenon with her parents. Her mother had told her a few years ago. Sometimes it frustrated her yet she had come to this understanding to allow for her parents their time. She would probably never ever experience this in her life so it was something to marvel and entertain her thoughts...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ''I think it would be neat to have some kind of gathering of my girlfriends when their kids get a bit older to catch up on old times and vacation together,'' the daughter was saying over lunch.

Mom couldn't make it so it was a conversation between father and daughter. ''I wouldn't want your mother to go off on a vacation like that ... It is to hard. I'm not even looking forward to D.C. work trip,'' Dad piped in. (He loves history)

''Yeah, it would be more fun to enjoy it with her,'' the daughter quickly added. She knew he didn't like being away from Mom. It isn't that they are joined at the hip. It is just something of a phenomenon that happens to married couples that have made their marriage work for over 20 plus years.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * This phenomenon of not being comfortable without your spouse even for a couple of nights or even on Sundays when one is working and the other is home alone when it is the usual family day occurs most often in the older generations. You often see it when a spouse quickly dies soon after their spouse dies. You might think this odd. But when you look at the years they spent making a marriage stick and work, you begin to see this phenomenon as maybe a good thing.

Having this separation aniexty won't be common place in the younger generations as the women either find their own standing on this world by the roles they have or be forced to live a single lifestyle. Kinda sad to think it out like this.

When you look at marriage it is really two people coming together to make a unit. It is like forming a new person in the ways two people mesh together. Interesting to find that ache to have that phenomenon deep inside but it is there ... isn't it?

. . . when the stars go blue ... i'll follow you . . .

a relationship building block ...

''If your brother sins , rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.
If he sins against you, seven times in a day,
and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,'
forgive him.''
Luke 17: 3-4

Dear Heavenly Father,
This sounds like it is ok to bring up the offensive and not sit on it or run away. So it is ok to tell her she hurt me by not listening? and it will bring a better atmosphere to work in? I will try to live this one out and I come to You and ask for meekness. I am expectant to see this build up the work relationship. Thank You.
~ always your child

*Calling attention to an abuse & forgiving them is a buildling block strengthing a relationship.

*No repentance = still forgive them for they know not what they do (Jesus' ultimate example @ the cross.)

*Repentance = forgive 7 x 70 & embrace

on this day ...

My dear child,
Ahhh, when you burst forth on this earth, your parents love to tell it and you love to hear it. It was a stormy night with thunder but by morning there was a light dusting of snow on the ground and your daddy gave your mom tulips. Those tulips came up every year. Yes, before your parents knew you where coming, I had thought of you. I tucked dreams and a purpose inside of your heart ready to unfold in this earth much like the crocus that come up this time of year bursting forth through a bit of snow to show their brillant color for the promise of spring.

What makes Me beam is that you are eager to learn. Yes, you have shed many hot and painful tears because the bar seemed soooo high, but I wiped every tear away. Look you have seen such Joy. Your prayer life has exploded and you walk closer to me. You have fallen deeper in love with Me each day. Your heart is bigger too. Your sight is clearer. No, I know you want to see more but in time, My girl. You enjoy all the Windows to your soul. You are so expectant and I know you will not be disappointed as I have more Good Gifts to give you.

I sought you out. I call you Beautiful Joyful One. I am a Proud Father. Continue to Wait on Me. Continue to Taste all I have for you. Your heart is being Strengthen. I LOVE you!!!!!! Huge Huggers from My Everlasting Arms.
~ always the Rock of Ages

to matter ...

What haunts me is these simple words ' to matter ' . When excepting her Oscar for playing June Carter Cash in Walk the Line, Reece Wetherspoon brought to the world's attention that she felt the same sentiment that June did. She wanted to matter. She echoed loud and clear this simple but profound ache in all women.

Just to matter to someone ... Just to matter enough to make a difference in this world ...

To matter is a value we so often throw away by our indifference and our lack of empathy towards others.

her dark birth days ...

It is sunny out. Birds are singing. The chill is still holding on and the only brave souls are the crosuses that brust forth in their bright yellow and purple blooms this time every year. But if you pull back the first layer of earth you will see her.

She is there with the huge hole the size of a dinner plate in chest. Her eyes are red and dark circles can be seen. Tears have left gullys down her cheeks. You don't see her in this condition in full sunshine. Mostly she has put away her sack cloth. Joy is her new name and she mostly walks in sunshine. It is the season that is gripping her in this vice. It is birthday season. More exact it was his birthday and she did not attempt a gift but a subject line to wish him well.

Even a woman child knows the value of someone's birthday. Pulling up old emails proved again the sadness she feels. He went on and described the homemade card he recieved in '03 and then really spoke of his feelings in great detail of the gift he recieved in '04. It wasn't the kudos she was looking for but rather the feelings of importance he felt that he didn't deserve.

Something happened somewhere along the '05 timeline. She has video tape running constantly looking for the glitch. She still hasn't found it. Personal things like his job was tearing him up again. Then he left small breadcrumbs of spiritual things till he pulled away entirely. Reruns of his dreams and nightmares have consume and plague her. The mystery continues.

In order not to obsess she took word from two songs God-Sent back in February. It was ok to put him in a niche and keep him in prayer, but to get on with life. But like dealing with death memories haunt her. She feels crazy. She knows what lies deep in her heart but to others he wasn't really there. Living oceans apart no one knew him the way she did.

My dear child,
I know ... I saw the two of you walking together for a spell. I know your pain. I am in your pain. I know you believe this worse than death. I know you want to see what is in store for the both of you. Remember that I want to be your Horizon. Remember I have gone before you and I walk with you. Yes, you loved him hard and deeply. You gave what your little heart could. I designed your meeting. I knew you had a lot to give him and he to you. Keep those close. Remember back to all those gifts and letters? Did you not move to what you thought I said to you to send? Did you not design all of them to be kept and read in times of trouble? No, I cannot reveal to you what is going on on the other side of the world. But you know I am there ... keeping him as I you. I love you and I love him. Wait on Me and be of good courage... for I make your heart strong.
~always your Heavenly Father

she:
pezzi:misses you

for His Good Pleasure ...

He is good natured with a full smile beaming from His whole being. Hmm, that must be His Cloud of Glory that surrounds Him. Pleasure is of Heaven and a gift not just reserved to Him but given to us as well. A Pleasure not soiled by 'earthly glutton ways'.

His Pleasure is the perfect form of enjoyment, happiness, Joy, bliss, contentment, satisfaction, and yes even gratification. A Pleasure that is full and never empty.

Being the Creator of Life, He breathed this gift of Pleasure into our beings as a give and take between the created and the Creator.

After giving up the struggle of life and taking on this marvelous adventure, Joy seeps into the depths of our hearts and soon we know intimately that Joy of the Lord is truly Strength. You can't help but delight and savor in all the wondrous creations He created. You can't help but feel content in His Everlasting Arms. You can't help but feel renewed even when lifestorms crash and beat upon your Strong Tower. You can't help but feel sought out and kept safe by your Rock when all else shifts.

Yes, the created are for His Good Pleasure. Walking in His Pleasure gives the Creator Pleasure. He beams with a righteous pride and indeed being His creation and feeling His smile you can't help but glow.

take away = abundance!

I have discovered that taking away in turn gives me abundance!  Now isn’t that funny math! 

Taking away the chocolate, I am falling more heavily in love with blueberries and blackberries.  Taking away the sugar gives me  honey, unsweetened applesauce and prunes with added dimensional flavor of sweet that suits me better.  Taking away rice gives me  barley that has  better nutrients and a lower GI.  Taking away wheat gives me oatmeal with a crunch in my homemade granola.  I could go on and on …

 With the taking away I am discovering an abundance of flavors and good foods for me.  This was not a death sentence but rather a wake up call to better eating habits and a healthy lifestyle.  The biggest abundance of all is a lot more headache free days!  Now that is worth it!

mad chow: the zone

misses you ...

''Never shall I forget the days I spent with you.
Continue to be my friend
as you shall always find me yours.''
~ beethoven

''To touch the soul of another human being
is to walk on holy ground.''
~ stephen covey

''The better part of one's life
consists of his friendships.''
~ Abraham Lincoln

God created you and sent you here to earth on this day. I was priviledge to get to know you and your deepest dreams. Somehow I lost you and I miss you. Oh, the days we spent ... I still cherish....

pezzi: butterflies in absence?

a mallard morning ...

After 'majorly noisy' thunderstorms and massive amounts of rain overnight, pools of standing water littered the sides of the roads on the way to work this morning.  What was pretty cool was papa and mama mallard ducks had claimed these pools taking in the new day.  What an Awesome Creator!!! This is the day the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad.

moment captured: last snow

butterflies in absence?

I have been going through the stories of the Bible looking for butterflies in absence. What does God really think about someone who pulls away from humanity? I know that no other fills me like the Presence of God. He never fails me. Yet even if you pull yourself from others for long periods of time even to find yourself, is God in that? Is He ok with that?

Adam was created alone in the garden. God was with him yet God created woman as a helpmate. Here lies my biggest proof that God created us human beings as relational.

Here is one for thought: Jesus in the Garden told his disciples to wait and pray for Him. He went off by Himself to wrestle in prayer with His Heavenly Father over the upcoming torture and death. It was something He had to do alone. Yet, He had asked His disciples to watch in prayer. Something that echos 'where two or three are gathered'. Instead of finding them praying, they had fallen asleep. How utterly alone He had to have felt even though the was Jesus. He came to earth to feel the pain ... to feel the aloneness ... to bear our burdens.

I just feel in the the very depths of my soul we are not to cut off all human contact! Jesus had with him a group to keep watch in prayer. Sure God is our truest Shield and Defender but we are designed to have a barbaric tribe! Who will pray for you if you banish yourself to your garden to wrestle with God?

I am just musing ... wondering ...

Like always balance is key. I must commune with God and with others.

pezzi: how long O Lord?

the Zone ...

I have been having great mental days headache free. I am happier and even keel. However, something isn't right. My stomach just doesn't feel right and I am gaining weight there. My food allergies are forcing me to eat extremely well but mentally my brain is saying eat, eat, eat! I have always wanted to eat well and I have read up on Dr. Perricone's Wrinkle Cure. I do believe he is right about inflammatory foods and how they cause disease. I have been gone back to his book to survive cutting out the old food and adding new ones. Something was missing and the research was on.

I found what I was missing. The Zone diet follows the concept of limiting the inflammatory foods or the high GI foods, but I gave me a formula so to speak to balance out my eating correctly. This is the hope I needed.

the basics
*Proteins should be eaten with every meal and snack.
*Protein should be no bigger than the size and thickness of your palm.
*Fiber rich veggies and fruit should be 2x the size of the protein.

I have been researching online, but Dr. Sears website keeps freezing my computer. I haven't gotten the book ... yet. I heard it is a hard read but I might just get it. No matter what I am armed with the right formula now .... and after a small adjustment or maybe the hope made my day feel and go better.

Dearest Husbandman,
I am back in a similiar place. I know this place. I have been here before. When I lost my job, I gave You the credit for taking me out of a place that was sucking my character dry. I couldn't take myself out of it, but You did. Here and now I am back.

I have always wanted to eat well. I have made small steps with the good habits like taking out the cake for breakfast and adding oatmeal. But You had other plans. The 36 food allergies I have has changed my life forever and quite drastically I might add! I have to give You the credit for making this huge change in my life. I know I could never have given up on chocolate all by myself. I know I have a problem of gobbling up a good thing. Now I have to savor more those small bites of pleasure.

Looking into the haze of the future, I think You ... no, I know You saved me from possible diabetes. I have a lot to teach my family ... not sure they will follow. They keep saying 'I couldn't do it'. Great Teacher, I invite Your patient and gentle ways in how I eat around my family that they might want to change too.

Again, Thank You for loving me soooo much to care and intervine in my life.
~always your little girl

mad chow: lemon bread flop

the wellspring picture ...

I work best with a picture. As I was listening to someone talk about inspiration, he mentioned something that triggered a picture for me. 'Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life' prov 4: 2-3 has been haunting me. Now I am armed with this picture:

My heart is a very deep and crystal smooth pool of water. It is my job to let no one, no thing, or no event distrub the stillness of this pool of water. No dirt or stones allowed whether it comes in the form of misconduct or anger. This picture is powerful mental tool to balance my life.

Indeed I am much happier and more content when all is peaceful and still in my heart.

lemon bread flop ...

I have a favorite simple recipe for lemon bread. It tastes so gooooooood. I tried to remake it tonight . Instead of sugar I used apple sauce and instead of the flour, ground up oatmeal and used some soy flour. I think I could have baked it alllllll night and it would still be uncooked in the center. Instead of the yummy lemony taste, I could taste salt! I did not put salt in the recipe! Well, good bye lemon bread! I will have to ask for it it in Heaven. At least I have a mean apple crisp I still can enjoy!!!!

mad chow: cc -> headaches

truest & deepest dimensions ...

Ernest Hemingway during WWI came very close to death. He felt that it set him apart from the rest of the human race for the remainder of his life. ... From this, Hemingway derived a formula for his novels: Put a good man into a situation where he comes face-to-face with death - ... . Then you will see him in his truest and deepest dimensions. You will find out just how good he really is. The trial will not make or break him, it will reveal him fr: chp 1 of ''Waiting'' by Ben Patterson

Wow, I really had to think about this and it can really make you sweat. What if you don't come through it well? What if you squealed in terror and cried all the way home? No, truly be honest here.... How often have I beat myself up for not handling something with grace? How often have I tried to empathized with another who is struggling and wonder how would I fare? I look at my waiting ... and I know I have very childlike behavior and questions ...

last snow?

The snow had begun the early evening before. Wet heavy flakes never stopped and I took my morning commute in a winter wonderland probably the last time for the season. The black trees wore the snow proudly like tree penguin suits! It would continue to snow the whole day and then when Mr Sun came out, snowflakes hide away. And I did I hear the weatherman right? End of the week warm up coming our way?

moment captured: 2 beloved labs

how long, O Lord?

No Hope breaks the heart.
Dearest Loving Husbandman,
I am rereading a book I read back in '91 on waiting. I understand the waiting and I know it is a necessary must for a journey. Really a journey is movement so waiting is not really standing still. Ps 27:14 "Wait on the Lord, be of Good Courage & He will streghten thine heart'' has been a comfort yet as I look at my life it has been entirely made up of waiting!

''Rejoice in the Hope of the Glory of God because we know that suffering produces tenacity; tenacity, character; and character, hope'' (Rom 5:2-4). I changed out perseverance with my favorite word tenacity. Which then pricks my heart. I feel that I am tenacious, very tenacious! Are You saying that I need more tenacity .. more standing firm ... more protecting my willspring? Yes, I do have work to do here. Am I to stay tenacious in waiting for my 'johny cash' to come back? Ok, I can do that but am I doing so in vain? Is he going to come back? Or will I behold his face in Heaven with sad eyes? One more thing ... about marriage ... my ideals of marriage have become so rich that pretty soon no human male will ever live up to such a wonderful gift and mirror of You. So are telling me that my journey will remain a single journey?

I know soooo many questions. What I know very deeply is that I am more in Love with You each day. I want to continue drawing closer to You. Looking full into Your Face, You are my Hope. My heart breaks but grows back stronger by Your Healing Hands. You are tenderly forging my tenacity, my charactor, and my hope with the fire of wait. How rich I am. How valued in Your eyes. Thank You for Your Nailed Pierced Hands. I may weep but You comfort me with each tear that falls. I love You!
~ always your little girl

provoked by the intro to "Waitng'' by Bob Patterson

layers: wait

Worship (verb)

... Declaring His Attributes
... Worth + ship -> giving worth, value (ship -> a union)
... Rom 12:1 Living Sacrifice = spiritual act of worhsip
... Communing with your Creator
... Surrendering to the Great Shephard, Keeper of Still Waters & a Table set before your enemies.
... Going to the StoreHouse & Tower of Refuge & inviting (opposed to telling) the Awesome God in all of your moments
... Declaring Gratitude
... Declaring Victory

*Above Mrs Billy Graham's kitchen sink is a sign that reads:
''Worship Services held here 3 times a day''

I must remember this as I tackle something hard like with road rage or work drama!

* The sermon just happened to be on Eph 5:22 & following verses. The extreme feminist squirmed in her seat over 'women submitting to their husbands'. Too many men had hurt her heart. There was no way she would submit. What caught her though as the sermon continued was 'men where to love and give their life for their wife as Jesus had given Himself to the church'.

She leaned over to her friend that had invited her and said, ''I would marry any man that would give his life for mine.''

Her friend softly said, ''There is such a Man. His name is Jesus.''

This extreme feminist did come and submit to this Man. true story

word sleuth: romance

cc: headaches!!!

cheif compliant: HEADACHES!
hx: The history of my headaches goes back sometime when I started living on my own only because I can remember making a decided decision to take Excedrin daily as a morning ritual. Something like 1997ish but who knows it could have been back in '93 when I slamed my '79 mustang in a tree. I had whiplash that I never had treated.

sx: The symtoms of my headaches would begin sometime in the morning and make me nauseous by noon without aid of my friend Excedrin. The Excedrin allowed me to live life upright and I could think! I tried to go without Excedrin last October over a weekend. Oh man, I was terrible to be around. Grouchy because all I could think about was excaping the pain. I can't do anything like painting or writing, or thinking (my favorite things) let alone taking care of work or home! When I decided to get some help, I went off Excedrin again and really paid attention to what was happening in my head.

Pressure began to build in my right eye and a pinching pain at the bridge of my nose. Dark moody emotions took over any mental thoughts. Eyes would blur and hot tears would be my night's companion. Eating something was always my way to settle the pain or the stomach. But the headache would remain. The nausia would be the ultimate 'I can't handle this anymore'.

rx: For tooooo many years Excedrin was my remedy. Knowing how aspirin can damage my stomach, I would always eat breakfast and pop the E-pill. I felt ashamed to admit it to the doctors, but so often it was ''you shouldn't do that' never 'oh, lets see where this is coming from'.

When a co-worker suggested a chiropractor, I didn't immediately go. I just kept it in the back of my mind. After trying to go without in October to see if the headache was there, I decided to call. Two months later I started on a journey and ended up headache free. The chiropractor did help me find out the cause of my headaches but not by cracking neck bones or back bones!

dx: So would you like to know the diagnosis? Well, after clearing up neck issues from whiplash and finding the headaches still there (3rd week), the chiropractor suggested to get a food allergy test done. I was like no way is it a food allergy. So after a couple more weeks, I had my food allergy test done in January and February 6th my life changed forever. I have 36 food allergies!

mad chow: 36 food allergies

36 food allergies ...

Testing Procedure:
During In Vitro testing, food extracts are mixed individually with patient plasma containing white blood cells, platelets, and red blood cells. The mixture of plasma and food extracts is then observed under a microscope fo toxic reactions. Damage or death of blood cells indicates a positive reaction to a specific food. In negative (non-toxic) reactions, the white blood cells, platelets, and red blood cells remain healthy.

Positive reactions are classified into the following three different levels based on the extent of damage to blood cells caused by a particular food allergen.

reaction level 1 = weak reaction
reaction level 2 = moderate reaction
reaction level 3 = strong reaction

Patient Preparation:
On the day before the test, eat no foods after dinner, drink only water and do not eat until after the test the next morning. Do not stop taking any prescribed medication. Reschedule your test if you develop a cold, flu, or other infectious disease prior to your appointment.

Test Results:
level 3 - strong reaction - worst offenders
clove
kidney bean
marjoram
sorbitol *
tobacco

level 2 - moderate reaction - worse offenders
allspice
almond
chicory
chili pepper
cocoa-chocolate {grrr}
ginger
horseradish
lettuce
molasses
mung bean
okra
orange roughy fish
pumpkin
rhubarb
rice
rosemary
rye
strawberry
sunflower
black tea {green or herbal tea is fine!?}

level 1 - weak reaction - bad offenders
beet
beet sugar
cane sugar
cola
english walnut
garden peppers (bell)
paprika
peppermint / spearmint
pomegranate
wheat
wheat bran

Interpretation of food allergy test:
Your test results show hypersensitive reactions to specific foods. This reaction is measured on a scale of 1 to 3 and it indicates damage or death of your blood cells during the esting procedure.

It is therefore recommended that you avoid all foods which have shown a positive reaction for a certain period of time.

Food intolerance and food hypersensitivity may be treated (cleared) by a sustained avoidance of the offending foods. It may take you little as 2 weeks or as long as 4 months of food avoidance to clear your food hypersensitivities.

You may wish to gradually reintroduce the reactive foods in your diet, one at a time. If no reaction it is possible to tolerate offending foods at a 4 day intervals but other reactive foods may be tolerated at longer eating intervals.

It is recommended that you perform a periodic follow up interlerance test after the successful reintroduction of offending foods.
fr: my food allergy test

My Interpretation:
Well, it is no sugar, no flour, and no chilli soup for me! That means no italian, mexican, or chinese resturants because there would be no way I could find something on the menu to eat! It has to be American Cuisine where I can make substitutions. When it comes to drinks, water and green or herbal tea or homemade lemon aid.

Oh no! Now I am going to have problems eating with extended family like my grandma who already points out that I don't eat enough. Now with refusing to eat dessert I can just hear her now. No need to explain it to her because she won't hear it and no, her hearing is just fine.

I have asked mom not to be offended if I choose not to go out to eat or not to be offended if I eat a semi-naked sandwich! My family has been ok with me. The big challenge will be for Ethen's birthday party. My one bro doesn't know yet and I don't want to make it a big scene at the party. I pretty much know what will be on the menu. I will eat ahead of time.

What I have done:
I went home and tore my kitchen apart. I took out allllll offending foods and restocked with safe foods. Why would I reintroduce offending foods? And how can I when I could run amuck on the weekends where I would have less control of knowing if they used tomato sauce without sugar or they didn't use a spice I can't have? The one food I want more than all else is chocolate. Yes, I have a bag of chocolate chips in my frig. But hey, much easier to control the amount then others. Yes, I have been a good girl.

Do you know that your peanut butter has sugar in it? Do you know that canned tomatos and spaghetti sauce has sugar it besides some that have peppers? Do you know all canned soups and powered mixes have flour in it? Even some peanuts are done up with sugar?! Even McDonald have fessed up to using wheat(flour) on or in their french fries! Come on! Potatoes I can have so I was at least excited by getting to have french fries. Oh, don't forget reading reading the herbal tea. What is chicory? I had to give up my raspberry and my chamomile tea because of chicory. Just wait until I find him ... he gone. (chicory is my new cuss word)

I am creative so I can do this. I am a label reader now. I did find peanut butter and unsalted peanuts without sugar. There are cans of tomatoes and spaghetti sauce without sugar or peppers among the offenders. Barley is the new rice. Grinding up oatmeal and adding soy flour has been my new flour. I made cookies sugarless and wheatless. Not bad but I won't share only because you would miss the sugar. I have a few favorite recipies that I am going to redo. Maybe I'll tell you about them when I attempt them. I am also going to make my own recipe book.

mad chow: nourishment or killer

¡boba!

Bubble Tea Locations

All I was trying to do was find a topioca pudding recipe for a serving of one and maybe figure out why my pudding was like water and not thick. No, I found something new! Bubble or Boba tea! It has tapioca in the tea and milk. I usually drink tea by itself ... just tea no sugar or milk let alone tapioca!!! I will be trying the Honeydew Green Bubble Tea I found on the boba site.